325 | Art of the Session: Why Reflecting Content Keeps You Engaged Without Taking Over

In this episode of the Art of the Session series, I focus on the skill of Reflecting Content—what it is, when to use it, and how to do it well. Reflecting content helps us stay connected and engaged in the session even when we’re not active participants in the child’s play. I explain how this skill allows children to feel heard and understood by summarizing, paraphrasing, or condensing what they say—without parroting or interrupting.

I walk through practical examples, including how to handle talkative children, how to reflect longer stories without overwhelming detail, and how to vary your tone and pace to match the child’s energy. I also talk about the importance of personality in the playroom and how your natural way of engaging with people can (and should) still be part of your CCPT work—always within the bounds of neutrality and congruence.

The next Six-Figure Play Therapist cohort starts August 28th and will meet Thursdays @ 5pm.  Visit https://sixfigureplaytherapist.com/ for more information and to schedule a Discovery Call with me to discuss if this program is a good fit for you.

PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!

Topical Playlists! All of the podcasts are now grouped into topical playlists now on YouTube. Please go to https://www.youtube.com/@kidcounselorbrenna/playlists to view them.

If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪[phone]‬, or email: [e-mail]
Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com
CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com
APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com
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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,

(00:20):
we are continuing the Art of the Session series,
and we have been looking at
individual skills.
The limited set of options
for our responses in a playroom.
And last week we talked about tracking behavior,
this week we're talking about reflecting content.
But before we dive in,
a couple of

(00:40):
housekeeping items.
First and foremost,
we just got back from our son's final
summer travel season
tournament.
So we have a couple of weeks break before the fall season starts,
and he had his best weekend ever.
I'm just gonna brag on my kid for a second.
He had his best weekend ever
in baseball.

(01:01):
He hit,
he pitched,
he fielded.
He actually pitched a complete game on Sunday.
And
it,
it was one of those moments.
I was
sitting,
my parents actually came to the game,
and I'm sitting in between Eric and my parents,
and I just had this
feeling or this sense
that
when

(01:21):
You,
either you individually or you collectively.
have
invested everything in something.
Our son since he was 3 years old,
has been all in on baseball.
And so
the little league,
the travel ball,
the high school team,
the lessons,
the equipment,

(01:42):
the gear,
the traveling,
the weekends,
the practices that you name it.
Buying him new baseball gloves every 2 months because
he rips a hole in them every 2 months.
I'm like,
how does one
get a hole in a baseball glove every 2 months like clockwork?
Anyway,
we live at Dick's Sporting Goods.
But the point is,

(02:02):
when you
have invested everything and you're all in on something.
And you watch it.
Come to fruition in front of you.
It is literally the most satisfying feeling,
and I just sat there going,
this is what we've been all in for this is what
we've worked so hard for this is what we've invested,
this is what we've committed to

(02:24):
and it was so
satisfying and fulfilling and rewarding
to have that realization as I sat and watched him pitch so.
If you want to
make this less about me and more about you,
you,
you can think about the moment
when it all comes together for you with CCPT.
Because I know how much each and every one of you invest and commit and are all in.

(02:48):
So if it hasn't already,
there will be a time
when you sit there and realize this is what I've worked for.
So just a little encouragement,
not really that I was going there,
but
wanted to share my baseball story too.
All right,
and then really quickly,
I don't know if
you've been on the fence,
if you've been thinking about it,
but Six-Figure Play Therapist is starting real soon,

(03:10):
August 28th.
So go to www.playtherapynow.com and schedule a discovery call
with me if you are interested in joining that group.
Have a couple of spots and it'll be Thursdays at 5 EST.
So just PSA because I know a lot of you wait till the last minute.
I,
I know,
I know the mentality of therapists.
I grew up.
As the procrastinator in my family,

(03:30):
which is really ironic because I'm the only oldest in my family,
so I don't know how that worked.
I think I just got sick of being the only oldest or something.
So
I,
I learned that I could just wait till the last minute and
then at one point my brother looked at me and was like,
Well,
if you wait till the last minute,
it only takes a minute to do it.
And that's just been
my phrase ever since.

(03:50):
So I am a procrastinator.
I get it,
but don't procrastinate because you will not have a spot.
They're going fast.
So I'm just letting you know if you're thinking about it,
don't wait or you're gonna have to
postpone your start date until probably January.
So anyway,
another one will come.
You haven't missed out forever,
but you'll miss out for now.
All righty,
let's dive into reflecting content.

(04:11):
So,
as we're thinking about the reflective responses,
They
are geared
to make sure the child
feels that we are engaged
in
their play session,
even if we haven't been invited as an active participant.
I don't know if that's been made clear

(04:32):
in the past or if you've had that awareness.
When we reflect content,
reflect feeling and track behavior,
it's so that the child feels that we're a part of their play.
Even if they haven't said
come do this with me or come be the cop or come play Jenga or whatever,
we are actively engaged even though we're not an active participant,

(04:53):
and the reflective responses give us that ability to do that.
So when we're reflecting content,
this is when we say what the child says.
And
there are sometimes when kids don't say a word,
sometimes we have kids that are very quiet,
sometimes we have kids with selective mutism,
sometimes we have kids that

(05:14):
are unable to speak
because of developmental
concerns.
Sometimes they refuse to speak because they hate
us and they hate being there and they
hate the notion of everything and so their resistance is to not say a word.
We never know how much a child's going to speak,
but we know that we have this tool
if a child is willing to

(05:35):
say things in play.
And the goal of reflecting content
is to
either summarize
what the child has said.
To paraphrase
what the child has said
and to condense what the child has said.
In other words,
we're never going to repeat word for word.

(05:55):
We're never going to say everything that the child has said back to them.
The goal is a truncated version.
Cliff's notes,
if you will,
of what was said.
Now that becomes a little trickier if the child says one sentence,
but you can still do it.
So child says 11 words in the sentence and you condense it down to 6 or 7,

(06:17):
and maybe you change a little bit of the words so that it doesn't sound like
a duplicate.
Because the danger of reflecting content
is that a child thinks that you're just
robotically saying back to them what they've said.
Or that you sound like a parrot that's just copying them.

(06:38):
So really helpful thing to keep in mind,
don't be a robot,
don't be a parrot.
So you want to make sure
that what you say
is varied enough
that they're not going to feel that you're just
replicating everything that comes out of their mouth because then you get,
stop copying me.
Why do you Keep saying what I say to you.

(06:59):
I just said that.
Stop doing that and then it becomes a power struggle.
They're frustrated,
we're not sure where to go from there.
The way that we work around that is we vary what we say
from what they say.
And
another helpful parallel.
So we want to summarize,
paraphrase,

(07:19):
or condense what was said.
Do not recite it verbatim.
But we also
do that because of the rule of thumb if you can't say it in 10 more gilles don't say it.
Sometimes a child will talk for 3 minutes.
And our job
in the reflection of content
is to take what they've said

(07:41):
and share a summary.
And especially if a kid is talking a lot.
We talked about what happens if a kid doesn't talk,
but
there are also kids that come in and they're motor mouths
and they talk and talk and talk and talk and talk
and the struggle then becomes,
well,
when do I say a reflection of content because

(08:01):
they don't really ever pause.
They just keep going and they keep going and they keep going.
So I just kind of have to sit there.
The
fine line that we walk there
is we try not to interrupt.
But we try not to be silent either.
And this is where the empathic grunts,

(08:22):
as Landreth calls them,
I prefer vocables,
but either way,
this is where vocables come in.
In other words,
if you don't have an opportunity
to say a full sentence,
you can say,
oh,
wow,
oh
wow,
you're saying something

(08:42):
while they're telling you,
if you can say something quick,
do it,
but otherwise you wait till they give you their 3 minute diatribe.
And then you're back to summarizing,
paraphrasing,
condensing.
So they told you this very long,
detailed story.
About
their trip to Busch Gardens.

(09:04):
Busch Gardens is a,
an amusement park in Tampa,
if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
So they,
it's actually,
by the way,
OK,
here,
real quick,
public service announcement.
If you come to the Tampa area,
bypass Orlando completely.
Do not stop at Disney,
do not go to Orlando at all.
Come to the Tampa area,

(09:25):
just a smidge further
and go to Busch Gardens.
It is the most incredible
place.
Rides,
animals,
shows,
shade,
smaller park,
shorter lines.
So much fun.
You could spend all day looking at animals,
you could spend all day riding rides,

(09:46):
you can spend all day going to shows or a combination thereof.
It's cheaper,
it's better,
it's amazing.
So
there you go.
Just,
oh,
and come visit me.
Go go to Busch Gardens and
call me up,
we'll hang out.
All right,
so let's get back to reflecting content.
My mom told me this weekend when we were at the game,

(10:06):
you've mastered the art of squirreling.
And I kind of looked at her like,
what?
But she told me because I can multitask so I'm like
listening to Eric talk to my dad and then I'm watching
the game and then I'm listening to her and so I'm
kind of like attending to too many things at once,
and I,
I suspect she just didn't feel like I was paying enough attention to her,
so sorry,
mom,
but she told me that I'd mastered the art of squirreling,

(10:28):
so here we are back on track again.
Kids telling you this very long explanation about their trip to Busch Gardens,
and you get 3 minutes' worth of,
we saw the gorillas and we watched the cheetahs run
and we rode the rides and we did the,
the wet
ride where they can squirt you from the top.
And then we did the bird aviary and we fed the birds and then
we went to the ice skating show and then we got popcorn and then,

(10:49):
all right,
so you've got a lot to attend to,
right?
This is why it's really helpful to take in session notes
and then
you have an opportunity.
To reflect feelings because I'm sure some emotions were worked into that story,
but if you're going to reflect content,
you just condense what was said.
You went to Busch Gardens and you did so many things.

(11:13):
I'm counting if that was 10.
You went to Busch Gardens and did so many things.
10.
Look at that,
can't say it in 10 words or less,
don't say it.
All right.
And
that's the way that you can take 3 minutes' worth of content
and reflect it.
And a kid's never gonna feel like you copied them.
A kid's never gonna feel like you interrupted them,
but it serves the same purpose.

(11:33):
I'm here,
I hear you,
I understand,
I care,
and I delight in you.
And if this is important to you,
it's important to me,
and if it's exciting to you,
it's exciting to me,
and if it's interesting to you,
it's interesting to me.
And so you say a real quick little phrase back to them.
So that is the approach when we have kids that talk,

(11:54):
talk,
talk,
you kind of wait,
try not to interrupt,
couple other thoughts.
Your
pace should be pretty consistent with the child's.
In other words,
if they're talking slowly and quietly.
You should reflect content in the same way.
If they're talking loudly and quickly and animatedly.

(12:14):
You're going to match that.
You need to be really
in tune
with where the child is
and your pace should be appropriate according to the way they're
delivering their content because you're reflecting their content back to them.
It's not your content,
it's their content.
So if they're quiet or if they're hesitant or if they're

(12:38):
slow,
or if they're thinking and pausing,
you can slow down.
The
decibels and the pace of your responses,
and then conversely,
it would be true as well.
Finally,
your personality really matters in this.
And I don't want this to be misunderstood,

(12:58):
so let me be clear,
we are neutral.
Neutrality series,
if you did not listen to that,
please go back and
and dive into the neutrality series.
Our goal is neutrality.
Yet our personality is a part of us
and to be congruent,
we have to
make sure that our personality is

(13:19):
involved in this.
If a child
is telling us something.
And your natural way of interacting if you were with friends
and someone told you a story.
And your response would be
big.
Oh my gosh.
You are going to mirror that

(13:39):
in a more neutral way in the playroom.
If you are one that someone would tell you a story they're really excited about,
and you would go,
oh my gosh.
You're going to mirror that in the playroom and be neutral.
Who you are matters.
Your presence
and who you are as a person.

(14:01):
is a crucial piece in CCPT.
So while we want to be neutral,
and while we want to paraphrase,
and while we want to keep it brief,
personality matters here,
because if you just say very flatly.
You went to Busch Gardens this weekend.
That there's there's something missing in that.

(14:23):
Is your personality super
sweet and soft spoken?
I've had coaching participants that I watch their videos and I can barely hear them
on the videos
because they always have this tone to their voice,
and it is truly congruent to who they are.
This is just the way that they talk and it's gentle,
and it's kind and it's slow and it's soft.

(14:46):
That's not my personality.
I couldn't pull that off in a playroom.
Kids would look at me like,
who are you and what have you done with Miss Brenna?
No way.
And likewise,
the people that I'm talking about where I've watched videos,
and that's their natural way that they interact with kids,
they couldn't act like me in the playroom.
I'm loud and I'm demonstrative and I'm emotional and

(15:08):
I gesture and I do all these things.
They would be like,
oh my gosh,
I know,
I don't even know who that is.
It's not me.
So therefore,
your personality
is a factor here.
When you talk to kids
and reflect their content,
be who you are.
Make sure it's neutral,

(15:28):
but be who you are.
That's very important.
All right,
y'all,
I love you,
you know that,
but worth saying again,
if you want to reach out,
please do, [e-mail].
You can also leave a voicemail and I can answer a question via the voicemail,
813-812-5525 in the states.
We will talk again soon.
Have a great week.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

(15:51):
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.