327 | Art of the Session: Reflecting Feelings with Effectiveness and Precision in CCPT

In this episode of the Art of the Session series, I walk through one of the most important and most underutilized CCPT skills: reflecting feelings. Despite its central role in both the reflective responses and the four pillars of CCPT, reflecting feelings is statistically the least used skill—even among highly trained clinicians. I explore why that might be, and how we can increase our intentional use of this essential tool.

I cover the mechanics of a strong feeling reflection, the emotional vocabulary needed, and how nonverbal congruence—tone of voice and facial expression—can make or break the moment. I also clarify the difference between reflecting feelings and making assumptions based on behavior, and I touch on how to reflect needs, desires, wishes, and intentions when emotion isn’t clear. This episode is both a technical breakdown and a heartfelt reminder of the emotional attunement CCPT requires—and why it’s worth doing well.

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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,

(00:21):
we are continuing the summer school series Art of the Session.
And
I have been informed by
the curriculum people in my life.
The people that map out all of my podcasts for me and say,
OK,
this week you're talking about this.
We are halfway through this series.

(00:42):
So this is actually a very long series,
but I'm excited about that.
And thank you for the feedback.
I'm glad that you all have been finding this helpful.
Art of the Relationship
is
something that we should read every single year.
And my hope is that these Art of the Session episodes are something that
we might go back and listen to every single year because this is stuff that

(01:06):
we need refreshers on.
We need to be reminded of the basics and sometimes there's stuff that
we had never connected before or we had never put together.
So
excited that you all have been
enjoying this and benefiting from this.
All right,
so today
we are moving into reflecting feelings.

(01:26):
We've been covering the three reflective responses,
so we've done tracking behavior and reflecting content.
And now we're on to reflecting feelings.
Now,
reflecting feelings happens to be the one that does double duty.
So we have reflecting feelings in the reflective responses,
and we have reflecting feelings in the pillars.

(01:47):
So this one serves
two purposes,
if you will.
But the
intention behind this
is
that the child
has a sense
that we are so in tune.
That we are aware of what their experience is.

(02:07):
Because reflecting content
is,
I've heard what you've said to me,
tracking behavior,
I've seen what you've done.
Reflecting feeling.
I'm right here with you and I understand
your experience.
So there's
more
depth to reflecting feelings.
Now,

(02:27):
interestingly enough,
This is the least used skill among the most highly trained CCPTs.
Reflecting feeling is the least used skill,
no matter what your training is in CCPT.
And that's fascinating to me.
I would argue
it's probably a lack of emotional vocabulary

(02:48):
on.
The part of the clinician.
You have to have a pretty robust emotional vocabulary yourself
to be able to
reflect feelings in the playroom beyond happy,
sad,
mad,
scared.
And when I did my advanced reflecting feelings workshop,
it was really interesting how many people that attended said,

(03:10):
I'm going to start studying emotions more as a result of that.
So that could be the reason.
Maybe there are others as well,
but we know that it's the least used
skill even among the most highly trained clinicians.
So.
When we think about reflecting feelings,
we are going to focus on the child's emotions.

(03:33):
That makes sense.
Even though
theoretically,
feelings and emotions are different,
we talked about that in the advanced course too,
but that's way too complicated for this episode.
So we're going to reflect the child's feelings.
Yet,
and not but yet,
and
we are also
going to

(03:54):
reflect desires,
needs,
wishes,
intentions.
That's kind of a subset
of the reflective responses.
We reflect emotions,
but there are other things that we can reflect as well,
and it doesn't really fit into another category.
It doesn't go into reflecting content,
it doesn't go into tracking behavior.

(04:16):
So
I want to talk about it just because I want you all to be aware,
the desires,
needs,
wishes,
and intentions of a child are also worth reflecting.
You really wish you could do that.
You would love
whatever.
Oh,
you're hoping that that will happen.

(04:37):
There's
reflecting other things as well.
So be aware that that's kind of a related
to the reflecting feelings piece,
the desires,
needs,
wishes,
intentions.
But specifically today,
the reflecting of emotions.
It's a very simple formula.

(04:58):
You,
the emotion.
And you either stop there
or you add the qualifier.
So
you're proud.
That is
a sentence.
In,
in total in completion.
You can also add
the explanation after that.

(05:20):
You're proud,
you hit the bull's eye.
But you hit the bull's eye is optional.
You're proud will suffice,
and it's up to you based on the circumstance and the moment and the child.
And the emotion probably.
Whether or not it makes sense to just leave it

(05:40):
at you in the emotion or add the optional ending.
The reason why
we decide which one is more important.
Is because sometimes
it
hits
more
if we just say.
You're mad.

(06:02):
But sometimes a child needs to understand the bigger picture.
So
you're mad
that
we only have one minute left.
You need to
figure out when to use which one.
They're both reflecting feelings
and it's just whether or not we need more than just you and the emotion.

(06:23):
All right,
second thought.
I've talked about this a lot,
but
probably not enough.
And how can you talk about something a lot but still not enough?
We,
we need more of this is the point.
Do not fill.
Please do not fill,
not for my sake,
but for your children's sake,
please do not fill

(06:44):
your reflecting of feelings with fluff words.
It's just
you are.
Emotion.
It's not
you look,
you seem,
you feel,
you must be.
We don't need any of those things.
It's just

(07:05):
you're
excited.
You must be so excited.
You seem so excited.
You look so excited.
It's unnecessary fluff and filler,
and it takes away from the focus of the sentence
which is helping the child

(07:26):
have a word that adults use
to describe what they're feeling.
Alla an emotional vocabulary.
You're giving them the word that adults use.
To explain and describe what they're experiencing in that moment
and the more words you fill around that.

(07:49):
The less likely they are to
help that build them an emotional IQ and vocabulary.
So
eliminate the fluff words from your reflections.
It's just you are the emotion.
And
here's another caution.

(08:11):
Don't make leaps
based on the child's behavior.
In other words,
Just because the child is curled up on mom's lap in the lobby.
And is choosing not to come back to the playroom at that moment.
Unless the child has made it very clear verbally,

(08:31):
or you can clearly
see the emotion nonverbally.
We would not say something like,
you're scared to come back to the playroom.
If we don't see fear,
if the child has not communicated that in some way.
We don't want to make that leap.

(08:53):
Likewise,
kid starts
kicking and punching and smacking Bobo.
We don't want to say
you're angry,
you're hitting him as hard as you can.
Is he angry?
If he has
a look on his face of anger.
We could

(09:13):
reflect that.
But the behavior itself is not enough to make the leap toward the emotion.
In the lobby scenario,
that might be an opportunity to reflect something else.
A desire,
a need or a wish.
In the hitting Bobo scenario

(09:36):
might be appropriate to reflect a desire,
a need,
a wish,
or an intention.
And
be mindful.
That just because a behavior is taking place,
it does not necessarily get associated with an emotion.
We have to safeguard against making that jump.

(09:58):
Because
often when we do,
kids look at us like,
what?
And you know that
you just
kind of made
a presumption that was not accurate.
And we,
we want to try to avoid that.
Your tone of voice and your facial expression
are huge.

(10:18):
In this skill.
Your tone of voice
should be appropriate for the feeling that you're reflecting.
Your facial expression should be appropriate for the feeling you're reflecting.
And generally speaking,
if it is
a more positive emotion.
Your tone of voice would be higher

(10:39):
and your face would be
positive.
In other words,
with a little bit of a smile
with
A sort of happy look on your face.
Like you don't need to,
you know,
be smiling ear to ear,
but it should look like
you are sharing in the positive emotion with the child,
with a higher tone of voice.

(11:01):
With a negative emotion.
You're going to have a lower tone of voice,
and your face is going to be either
flat and neutral,
or
a small degree of whatever the child is experiencing.
So if the child feels defeated,
for example,
We could have a look of

(11:21):
defeat on our face to a lesser degree.
If the child is angry or frustrated,
we could have a frustrated or angry look on our face to a lesser degree.
Be a thermostat,
not a thermometer.
Remember,
rule of thumb.
So we're going to make sure
that we're not
to the level that the child is.

(11:44):
But it is still congruent with the child's experience.
What you absolutely do not want to have happen
is you're reflecting a negative emotion
and you sound.
Pleasant
Or you're reflecting a positive emotion
and you sound indifferent.
So let me demonstrate what that would look like.

(12:04):
If we,
one of us were to say.
You're really angry about that.
That
makes someone more angry.
It feels so disingenuous.
It feels so incongruent.
Or likewise.

(12:24):
Child is
really.
Gleeful
and jumping around and all over the place happy
and we say.
You're pleased
It just doesn't fit.
So we have to make sure that our nonverbals
are really involved

(12:45):
in this process of reflecting feelings
because
in general
nonverbal communication is far more
impactful than verbal communication anyway.
I think 90% of what's communicated is nonverbal,
so that is important just in the grand scheme of things,
but specifically for children and the emotional
vocabulary build and the emotional IQ build.

(13:08):
This is all part of the process for them.
So we are intentional about those things.
All right,
so
we've now finished the reflective responses segment.
We are going to move into the pillars next.
And my hope is that as we're going through this,
you are realizing

(13:29):
there's a very small
short list
of things that we do in the playroom.
And it makes it feel more manageable
and
something that we can absolutely be adherent
because
there's only
so many things that we're going to say and do in the play sessions.
So as we walk through this,

(13:49):
I,
I believe that you all will feel more confident,
which is my hope.
All right,
so really quickly,
if you all are interested in the Six-Figure
coaching program that begins on August 28th,
so many of you have scheduled discovery calls with me
that
I may end up being either on a waitlist or having a second group.

(14:09):
So
y'all are
really interested in,
in these coaching programs,
which I'm really excited about.
So we do have a couple of weeks left.
If you are interested,
please sign up.
Like I said,
I may end up having to wait,
I may end up starting a second group.
I'm not sure what that looks like.
Just wanted to let you know that August 28th,
we will be starting a new group Thursdays at 5 Eastern.

(14:31):
So
go to playtherapynow.com if you want to schedule that.
Also,
I have been thinking a lot about.
My schedule lately,
if you will.
I've had so many of you say,
when do you sleep?
When do you eat?
How do you function?
How do you have so much energy,
you are so busy blah blah blah.
I get that almost every time I talk to somebody.

(14:54):
And
I just want to say a few things about that,
not to reassure you,
just to communicate something that I think you know,
you all need to hear.
I am really busy.
I do have a lot going on.
I,
I always say I have a lot of balls in the air that I'm juggling,
but I want you all to know
I am so deeply fulfilled

(15:15):
with every single thing that I do.
And when you love what you do,
it's not draining and it's not exhausting,
and it doesn't feel like work and it's not a burden.
And I don't feel that way.
I love every bit
of what I do
for CCPT
and
everything that I'm doing it,

(15:36):
it's fulfilling to me.
So
thank you for giving me opportunities to do the things that I love.
Thank you for listening to the podcast.
Thank you for coaching with me.
Thank you for joining the Collective.
Thank you for your emails and your messages.
Thank you for
giving me
the opportunity to do the things that I absolutely love.
And I do sleep well,

(15:57):
I do sleep.
That that's the common question,
do you sleep?
I do.
I'm a good sleeper.
I promise you.
I get more than 8 hours every night.
But thank you for
caring about CCPT in such a way that it allows me to pour into CCPT the way that I do.
I love
every single component of my schedule

(16:18):
and I love you all.
So
I wanted to let you know,
just in case you were losing sleep over me not sleeping.
All right,
we'll talk soon.
Love you all.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.