329 | Art of the Session: Empowerment Through Choice Giving

In this episode of the Art of the Session series, I focus on the second pillar of CCPT: choice giving. While limit-setting often leads to enforcement choices, empowerment choices are much rarer—and very powerful. Empowerment choices allow children to practice making decisions, accept responsibility for outcomes, and experience a sense of control in a world where adults dictate most of their lives.

I walk through examples of how to intentionally incorporate empowerment choices in session, from offering a child two types of paints to choosing between swords in a play battle. I also explain how choices can be woven into the session process itself—such as during transitions in and out of the playroom. Finally, I emphasize why the exact wording matters: “You can choose A, you can choose B, which do you choose?” The consistent use of the word choose three times makes it clear, powerful, and adherent to the model.

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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,
we are continuing the Art of the Session series.

(00:23):
We have been
in the process from
the beginning all the way through.
What are the things that we need to be doing for mastering
sessions?
And the last 3 we've covered reflective responding.
So now we're moving into
the pillars.
And as I mentioned last time,
reflecting feelings is

(00:45):
the hybrid,
so that's one of the reflective responses as well as one of the pillars.
So that kind of serves
both purposes.
We're gonna move into choice giving today as the second pillar.
One of the things that's important to note about choice giving
is that
it is a little bit tricky to work into your sessions.

(01:05):
True empowerment choice giving
is difficult.
Now,
often,
what ends up happening is if we provide choices to a child in the playroom,
it is an enforcement choice tied to a limit that was set.
We're gonna talk about limit setting next,
but that is not an empowerment choice.
That is an enforcement choice and that is always tied to a required limit

(01:29):
necessary limit
when we see when we think about empowerment choices,
we're talking about a choice
for the opportunity for the child to make one.
It's not because a limit was necessary,
it's not because there's a violation of a boundary,
it's not because we're
doing something other than

(01:50):
you get to practice making choices.
So therefore,
an empowerment choice
is very meaningful in play sessions when you can work them in.
Mid-session
can be pretty tricky.
So what it would look like mid-session
is
the child is going
to paint.

(02:10):
They tell you
that they want to paint.
And you have
watercolor paints.
As I do
Many,
many of you that know me well know that that's all I have.
But then you also have liquid paints maybe,
perish the thought.
But if you had two choices of paints and the child declares,

(02:31):
I want to paint a picture.
You have a very brief opportunity to say
you'd like to paint something,
you can choose to use the watercolor paints or
you can choose to use the liquid paints,
which do you choose?
Notice that it has to be offered before the
child has already started moving toward a direction.

(02:53):
If they've already grabbed the liquid paints.
It's a little bit harder to work that in.
So it's a very much
on the fly,
unexpected in the moment.
Oh,
that came out.
I can use that as an empowerment choice.
Child says that they want to pool noodle fight you or foam sword fight you,
so they say,
let's have a sword fight.

(03:14):
And there's a pink pool noodle and there's a green pool noodle,
or there's a sword with a yellow handle and there's a sword with a blue handle,
so you're going to immediately say,
oh,
we're gonna sword fight,
you can choose pink or you can choose green,
which do you choose?
Or you can choose yellow handle or you can choose blue handle,
which do you choose?
And notice now that as soon as the child gives you intention,

(03:39):
if there are options.
That's where the empowerment choice gets worked in,
but those are few and far between
because often
the kid walks over,
grabs the swords,
hands you one,
and then says,
let's sword fight.
So the circumstances kind of have to be perfectly orchestrated
for the empowerment choice to be offered in session.

(04:02):
Conversely,
if you can't.
Consistently offer empowerment choices in session,
you're going to do it as part of your process,
which we talked about this earlier on in the Art of the Session series.
Provide choices to your kids
on the way into the session and on the way out of the session.
That is the way that you can guarantee

(04:24):
that your kids are getting opportunities to practice making choices.
And keep in mind it's more to it than just the practice.
It's also owning the outcome.
It's accepting responsibility for the choice that was made.
It's living with
whatever that is,
even if you don't particularly like it or you wish you could change your mind.

(04:45):
There are all kinds of long term
gains
when kids are given choices,
and we know they're not given choices anywhere by anyone at any time.
Their lives are almost completely dictated for them.
By every other adult,
so to consistently give opportunities for them to

(05:06):
feel that they have a measure of control.
They actually have a little bit of power over circumstances in their world.
And then they get all of those gains
because look,
Landreth says this in Cookies, Choices, and Kids,
the moment that that child at 16 gets behind a wheel and
speeds down a neighborhood and runs over a kid on a tricycle,

(05:28):
the moment that kid at 18
puts a pill in their mouth
that forever changes
their chemical and and cognitive function.
The minute
that they
get
talked into doing something
and it ends up being criminal or illegal or whatever
it was at that moment

(05:48):
that they made that choice
that they accepted the outcome
no matter how much they or we or anyone else could change it,
they need to understand the urgency and the immediacy.
Of at the moment that I choose something,
it's at that moment that I choose the outcome.
That takes ownership that takes responsibility,

(06:11):
that takes acceptance
of this is what I chose,
even though I'm not satisfied with it.
Now in certain scenarios,
a child can
change their mind
if they hand me pink and they keep green and
then 2 minutes into the fight they say let's switch.
We say,
oh,
you've changed your mind
and we switched colors of noodles.

(06:33):
But in bigger decisions and in bigger moments,
they need to understand the weight of those choices.
So when we provide the empowerment choices,
it's long reaching,
there's longitudinal benefit for kids.
Now,
returning responsibility,
we're going to talk about
in a later episode in this series.

(06:54):
It has some similar principles,
so just kind of hold the thought on returning responsibility because often
people mistake
saying something like,
well,
in here you can choose.
As choice giving.
That is returning responsibility and that is a little bit different.
So we'll,
we'll hold off on that because we'll,
we'll get there eventually.

(07:16):
And
be mindful too that there are other opportunities
that you can work in an empowerment choice when it's not related to the play.
Again,
a little bit tricky,
a little bit difficult,
but it's not impossible.
So,
If the child says,
I really want to find the construction paper.

(07:36):
Or I really want construction papers so that I can make a book.
That's an opportunity to provide empowerment choice.
Oh,
you are hoping there's construction paper so that you can make a book.
You can choose to look for the construction paper,
or you can choose to make the book out of something other than construction paper.

(07:57):
OK,
notice that that wasn't specifically about
a play-based decision.
We gave them the choice of searching for
it or finding something else that would work.
Same thing when a child's having a difficult time to leave.
They really want to finish something and time is up.
You can choose to work on that next time,

(08:19):
or you can choose to
do something new when you come back.
OK,
so now there's all kinds of moments where a choice is added into the session,
but we have to be really intentional with them.
And then my final thought,
it is really important that we use the word choose 3 times.

(08:40):
You can choose A or you can choose B.
Which do you choose?
If we don't say choose,
it's not a choice.
If we don't say choose 3 times,
it doesn't land with the same punch,
and we certainly don't want to change the word.
So we don't want to say,
do you want?
You can have,

(09:01):
you can pick.
Tell me which.
Any other phrase,
it's no longer a choice.
And it's choice giving intentionally.
It is meant to be a choice.
So the second that we,
we,
we reword that,
oh my gosh,
say that fast 4 times,
the second that we reword that,

(09:21):
it is
very clear,
it is no longer a choice.
What a child wants?
What a child tells you,
what a child thinks about,
that's not a choice.
So be very clear,
you can choose A,
you can choose B,
which do you choose?
You do say choose all three times,
and this is what also happens.

(09:43):
Therapists will say,
you can choose to use sanitizer or wash your hands.
Well,
you only said shoes once.
So it was in fact a choice,
but we've lost the adherent wording.
So you can choose to use sanitizer or you can choose to wash your hands,
which do you choose?

(10:03):
Now it's very clear
that it's a choice and it's adherent language wise.
All right y'all,
so
we're going to continue with the pillars.
We're 2 of 4 in,
so halfway done with those,
and
I'm very encouraged by the feedback from the series,
so I appreciate y'all.
If you want to reach out,
please do [e-mail].

(10:25):
If you have a CCPT story.
Your journey,
what's going on with you,
where you are in your career related to this model,
if you would like to share what's going on
about
your discovery of it,
your work,
your clients,
whatever's going on,

(10:46):
I would love to hear your stories.
That's one of my favorite things is just knowing how
CCPT is influencing us and impacting kids in the world.
So please shoot me an email.
I would love to hear from you and I do in fact read every email.
I want you all to know that.
I think the misconception is that I have vetters or filters or something.

(11:06):
I promise you I read every single one and I will respond to you.
So please shoot me an email [e-mail].
Love y'all.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.