332 | The Screen-Free Playroom: Holding the Line in a Digital World

In this episode, I respond to a question from Kaylia in Arkansas about how to handle children who want to look something up on a phone during a play session. As screens become more prevalent in kids’ lives, this issue is surfacing more frequently in the playroom. I walk through how to stay fully child-centered and model-adherent, while also discerning the “why” behind the request. Is the child trying to avoid the work of the session, or are they inviting us into a meaningful moment?

I also address the argument that allowing screens promotes connection and unconditional acceptance. I explain why CCPT is, by design, a relational and screen-free experience—and why saying “no” to a device doesn't mean you're saying “no” to the child. I challenge the growing trend of tech integration into therapy and reaffirm our role in being the voice of reason as advocates for children. This is a vital conversation in a world that’s normalizing screen addiction, and we must stay rooted in what we know is best for kids.

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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,
I am answering a question from Kaylia in Arkansas.

(00:23):
I just answered a question from Arkansas,
so
I don't know what's going on in Arkansas,
but I'm happy to have you all listening.
And this is about when a child wants to look something up in the playroom,
meaning on a device,
namely a phone.
And the question is that more and more kids have been
asking for this in the play session,
and she's curious about how to handle it.

(00:45):
So I'm really excited about this question,
Kaylia,
thank you for the email and
this is something that I agree we're seeing more and more,
we're addressing more and more.
It's more prominent
as kids are more screen addicted.
So this is something that we need to be able to
manage ahead of time and have a plan for what we will do.
So let me read parts of the email and then we'll dive in together.

(01:07):
I have more and more kids recently asking to look up or show me something on my device.
It can be a song,
a movie trailer,
how to draw something or wanting to play a game.
How would you advise handling this in a child-centered manner?
I have some colleagues who say that screens are
becoming a way to connect with kids and teens,
and to limit it is to tell the child they are not unconditionally accepted.

(01:30):
Pregnant pause on purpose.
Continuing,
one even cited reading research stating that kids
now will be able to relax with screens and
that things like deep breathing and other traditional
methods will not be effective for them anymore.
It feels wrong in sessions when I do allow it and do not set limits on it.
I've not allowed any video games.

(01:52):
All right,
so
let's dive in here.
Gosh,
so many layers.
First and foremost,
we always look to the why
of the request.
If something is taking us out of the fully adherent CCPT model,
for example,
we don't answer questions.
That's a standard tenant

(02:13):
in CCPT,
but there are times when a child needs us to answer a question.
We know that the playroom is not for leaving.
Once we're in a session,
we're in there for 50 minutes,
but there are times when a child needs to leave.
So whenever we're faced with a dilemma
where we recognize it's taking us out of traditional adherence,

(02:33):
we're always going to be looking for the why.
In this case,
to look up or show you something.
If it's motivated because they're trying to avoid doing their work,
that's a very different scenario
than if they're trying to have relational and connective moments with you.
And so depending on the why,

(02:55):
we're going to respond a little bit differently.
If a child says,
oh my gosh,
this is my,
this is like my favorite song,
I just found out about it.
I've been playing it on autopilot.
I wanna play it for you.
You know that they're letting you into their world.
You know that they want you to connect.
They,
you know that they are trying to

(03:15):
invite you into what matters to them.
It's relational.
I would not set a limit on the playing of the song,
I would set a limit on what happens afterward.
So in other words,
I would play the song.
And then as soon as the song is over,
I would say.
OK,
phone goes away.
You know that the playroom is a screen-free zone.

(03:36):
And if she only wants you to hear a song,
then
you got to share in a moment.
There was a therapeutically valuable experience
you connected with her,
she feels
that you
were able to understand what matters to her
and then the play session ensues.
If a kid comes in and says,
I wanna show you this trailer,

(03:57):
oh,
now I wanna show you this YouTube video,
oh now I want you this.
Very different scenario.
So you're always looking at why and you're ready to set a limit if needed.
But if a child wants to show you or have you look something up,
oh my gosh,
we learned about this tree in South Africa today,
and I can't remember the name of it,

(04:18):
but I wanna talk to you about it.
Can you just look it up what it's called?
I would have no issue looking that up
if that's truly all the child needs is the name,
so then they can tell you all about this tree that they learned about.
So we're always gauging what's the need,
what's the reason,
what's the rationale.
#thewhymatters.

(04:39):
And therefore then we adjust accordingly.
Now,
let me continue with your email.
You have colleagues that say screens are becoming a way to connect with kids
and teens and to limit it is to tell them they're not unconditionally accepted.
Oh boy,
tread diplomatically,
Brenna.
So
If

(04:59):
we wanted to act like every other adult
in a child's life
and if we chose to be blind
to the ramifications
of using screens as a way to connect with children and teens
when what they really need is relational connection,
not digital connection,
then I'm sure you could make an argument that it's connective.

(05:23):
However,
I think that flies in the face of research
that shows how damaging overuse of screens is.
It shows how damaging it is to the brain,
how neurocognitively and neurodevelopmentally
it is actually doing damage
in a child's brain that continues to grow until the age of 25,
by the way.

(05:44):
So even an 18 year old is not immune from overuse of a device and a screen.
Not to mention what social media is doing to our kids.
I mean,
gosh,
read my book.
If,
if you,
if all of what I'm saying is like crazy to you
and you have no idea where this is coming from,
read my book and
just,
you know,
borrow it from someone.
You don't have to buy it.
I'm just saying the science and the data is there.

(06:06):
You you need to be aware of what this is doing to our kids.
It is so scary,
and if people turn a blind eye to it,
then we're part of the problem.
So
I'm very much opposed
to
letting kids be on screens.
They need to be playing,
they need to be communicating,
they need to be interacting,
they need to be building relationships.

(06:28):
They need to know how to engage and to talk and to look at people,
and they're not getting that from screens.
So there are 1000 ways you can connect with a child.
That don't involve a screen
and the reality is
it's our playroom,
it's our practice,
we get to tell a child
what the expectations are
and the expectation is the playroom is a screen-free zone.

(06:51):
That's it.
It has nothing to do with acceptance.
Do you think that if a child is told that they can't cheat on a test at school,
they go home and say my teacher doesn't unconditionally love
and accept me because they said I couldn't cheat?
Come on,
this is a slippery slope
and this is not where we're going.
CCPT is designed to be relational and environmental,

(07:15):
and kids know
that there are certain expectations in
certain relationships and certain environments.
There is nothing lacking in unconditional acceptance and love
by saying the playroom is a screen free zone.
OK,
and then further.
Kids are no longer able to relax.
Things like deep breathing and other traditional methods will not be

(07:36):
effective and that they'll only be able to relax with screens.
If that is true,
God help us all,
#1,
2.
They're not going to need to relax with a screen in the playroom with you.
So regardless of whether or not we can argue for or against that theory,
They're not with you to relax with a screen.

(07:59):
They're with you to therapeutically engage
and build relationship
and have a permissive and safe environment.
So that they can do the work that they need to do.
I'm,
I'm not concerned one bit about their relaxed state
when they're with me in a playroom.
And furthermore,
if they need to learn how to relax,

(08:19):
they build that skill in CCPT.
So,
all of the notion,
supporting the idea of we're going to use screens
and play therapy and boy is it everywhere y'all.
Look at the CEUs that are being pumped out all over this country right now,
all over the world,
quite honestly,
but I think probably more prominently in the US.
Video games in play,

(08:41):
using Minecraft to connect with kids and play VR in play therapy like oh my gosh,
perish the thought of it all,
and
that is not what play therapy is about.
So
I hope that the CCPT community
stands real firm
on the notion
that

(09:01):
toys are selected,
not collected,
and we have a framework and we're adherent and it does not include screens.
It does not include devices.
It does not include any of that stuff.
Now
on the off chance that a certain kid every once in a while says,
hey,
I want you to hear this,
see this,
look this up,
whatever,
if the intention

(09:23):
makes sense and it's a quick thing.
That's child led,
we're able to decide if that's appropriate or not.
But generally speaking,
there is no
concern on our part to say that the playroom is a screen-free zone.
So I hope,
Kaylia,
that that is helpful
and
for all of us,
this is becoming a more and more prominent thing,

(09:44):
so much so that
kids are refusing to come back to the playroom,
quote,
unless I can bring my iPad.
Well,
you really wish that you could bring your iPad back,
but the playroom is a screen-free zone.
You can choose to leave it with mom or you can choose to leave it in the car.
Which do you choose?
It's just that simple.

(10:04):
It's a limit like any other limit.
Standard part of our process,
there are expectations
and we adhere to the model.
All right,
so I hope that that encourages you
fight the good fight against devices,
educate parents,
equip them with knowledge,
help them to tone down

(10:25):
the screen use
of their kids.
It's,
it's addictive,
it's scary,
it's damaging,
so many things be very
vocal about that
as we advocate for kids
because they need it.
No one else is advocate actually,
everyone else is advocating for more screen time.
We need to be the,
the lone voice of reason
in the fight.

(10:46):
All right,
love y'all.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.