CCPT Mindset (New Series): Examining the Language That Pulls Us from the Model

In this episode, I kick off a new CCPT Mindset Series focused on the hidden beliefs and unconscious language that quietly pull us away from full adherence to the CCPT model. I begin with one of the most common and seemingly innocent phrases I hear from therapists: “I just want to help.” While it sounds well-intentioned (and often is), this mindset can subtly reinforce a directive stance—one centered on fixing, controlling, or producing outcomes.

I unpack why this phrase reflects an internal discomfort with the process, and how it can lead us to act from a place of anxiety rather than trust. I offer a simple but powerful reframe: replace “I want to help” with “I want to be with.” In CCPT, helping doesn’t mean fixing—it means creating the conditions for growth. This episode is a challenge to examine the words we use, the beliefs behind them, and the internal rewiring required to truly be CCPT, not just do it.

PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!

If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪[phone]‬, or email: [e-mail]
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APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com
Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor
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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,

(00:20):
we are diving into a new series,
and this is a series on mindset.
But maybe not in the way that you think.
We've talked a lot about mindset in the past,
but this is specifically
rewiring the way that we think.
About
helping

(00:40):
So,
here's,
let me,
let me share my heart with y'all.
Let's start there.
I keep hearing so many therapists
who
profess to be CCPT or long to be CCPT
are working
to become CCPT.
Ask
innocent and well intended questions.

(01:03):
That
are usually phrased something along the lines of.
I want to make sure,
or
I want to get them to,
or I want them to feel,
or I want them to process.
Something
along the lines of those sentences.

(01:23):
And it always kind of gets under my skin a little bit because I think
that's not aligned at all.
It's not theoretically adherent.
We
can't.
Speak those things and feel those things
and think those things without that influencing
our work.

(01:44):
And I know that you can say,
well,
in practice,
we can be fully adherent and still ask a question in that way.
I'm sure that's true.
But what I am hoping this series will do
is reveal the invisible
or maybe internalized beliefs.
That are holding us back from being fully CCPT.

(02:05):
And I believe that we're going to have to tackle the under the surface language
that's almost always about control.
When we ask questions like that,
controls at the root of it.
And or the need to fix.
And or the desire to create a specific outcome.

(02:26):
And or that we
are the savior in the scenario.
Therapist does save your mentality if you will.
And all of those things have to be let go
for CCPT
to
really be what CCPT is meant to be.
So that's kind of the the backstory of why we're diving into this series,

(02:47):
and I hope that you're tracking with me.
I hope you're understanding where I'm going with this.
So each week we're going to
tackle a phrase or a thought
that I hear consistently.
Someone will email me or we'll be talking about
it in the collective or in the coaching,
and I think we don't even realize the way that we phrase things,
but I think that those are maybe invisible or

(03:08):
internalized beliefs and they get in the way.
So
my,
my argument is.
That they might be unconscious remnants.
Look,
let's be real clear.
I don't think that these are conscious.
I don't think we're even cognizant that we're saying these things.
So I do believe they're unconscious remnants
of,
of more directive mindset.

(03:31):
And it therefore it's showing up in the way that we think and speak,
even when we're trying to be fully CCPT.
So,
I want to make sure that
we are thinking through our internal framework and our internal mindset.
And if that is still centered on control
or shaping.

(03:51):
We might think that we're CCPT,
but
those are not congruent.
So today we're going to talk about the phrase,
I just want to help
da da dot.
I just want to help this kid
process trauma.
I just want to help this kid
work through anxiety.
I just wanna help this kid

(04:12):
not be so aggressive.
I just wanna help this kid not get kicked out of school,
that kind of thing.
And that's the kind of language that undermines the model,
and I know they're innocent statements,
but
that is very clearly directive.
And these are innocent phrases.
I get it,
but I believe that they might reflect

(04:35):
directive beliefs that are subtly shaping how we're showing up in the playroom
or maybe even just the way we're thinking about our work.
So we're gonna kick off this series
and the goal is
that we will have a mindset shift
that allows us to be CCPT.
Not just do CCPT.
We talk about that all the time,

(04:55):
but I think this series will help us understand,
practically speaking what that looks like.
So,
This is not about the techniques of CCPT.
This is about the way that we think.
I think often we are using
the skills
and the tools and the principles and the tenets and
all of the things that we've learned of CCPT,
but I think sometimes we still process

(05:18):
in directive ways,
and then that shows up in the language that we use.
So,
quick anecdotal story.
Related aside,
as you all called me out on saying all the time,
you guys will send me emails and you're like related
aside dot dot dot as you like to say,
I'm like,
wow,
do I say that that much?
I'm sure I do.
Anyway,
so I'm gonna start saying anecdotal story.

(05:40):
Y'all are changing my language right right in front of you.
OK,
I'm getting back on point,
I promise.
It's,
it's interesting that you can learn a lot about
the sense that tends to dominate a person.
By the phrases that they say.
They,
they've done studies on this,
that all the random facts that I have,
I know.
So if you are a visual
person,

(06:01):
you are likely to say,
let me see what I can do,
for example.
So you will use a visual
reference
in some of your common phrases because you are a visual person.
If you are an auditory person,
you might say something like,
I'll let you know what I hear.
Because that is more auditory in nature.

(06:22):
If you're a kinesthetic learner,
you will reference something about actively doing something,
so
I'll take care of it
or I'll make it happen,
or let me get my hands dirty
or something like that.
So
they've done studies that you can often figure out what kind of
bent a person has toward the way that they learn best
by the phrases that they say.

(06:44):
And I'm a visual learner and I very much use visual.
Based references a lot.
So I've proven it true and of one here.
Now you're gonna think about that and say,
oh,
what kind of learner am I?
and what phrases do I say?
And then let me know if it's true.
Studies say it is,
but I'm just letting you know my,
my end of one says it's also true.
All right.
We,

(07:05):
therefore,
let's get back to the mindset and the CCPT.
If we are saying things like,
well,
I just want to help,
that's directive.
So there has to be something there,
and
that therefore is incongruent and difficult
to fully embrace a model if we're saying
something that would be directive in nature.

(07:27):
And I,
I get it.
This phrase feels harmless.
It's common,
it
is well intended.
And
let's go back to the beginning.
However and whenever you stumbled upon CCPT or as I like to say,
when CCPT found you.
It resonated because you truly and genuinely want to help kids.
We helpers

(07:48):
When you choose to do this for a living,
it's because you're wired to help.
So this makes sense that we would say something like,
I just wanna help.
However,
the CCPT model.
Makes it very clear
that
we do not guide.
We do not fix

(08:08):
We don't change.
We don't have agenda,
we're not working to achieve something,
and that's almost always what helping is connected to.
And almost always,
our desire to help
in a CCPT context comes from our own internal discomfort,
not the child's need.

(08:29):
Almost always when we wrestle with the model when we
wrestle with our need to intervene to help to guide,
to direct,
to teach,
to
bring something up to whatever,
it's because we are uncomfortable we're uncomfortable with the pressure
we're getting from parents we're uncomfortable with the process,
we're uncomfortable with the pace,
we're uncomfortable with what's happening in session,
we're uncomfortable with the letters that the

(08:49):
child is still getting home from school.
There are
pressures that make us uncomfortable.
And then we quote,
do something.
That's not being CCPT.
Yes.
So,
I think if we say,
I just want to help fill in the blank,
right?
I want to help with whatever the scenario is.
I think there are 3 considerations.

(09:10):
The first,
It's unconscious need for control.
We want to do something
to alleviate our own anxiety or our own sense
of helplessness or our own sense of doubt,
whatever the scenario is,
we want to do something to alleviate that for ourselves.
Second possibility is
it is very outcome minded and outcome based,

(09:32):
which therefore assumes
we know what the child needs
and therefore it's all our role to provide it.
And then the third consideration is,
it's an inverted focus.
Because the child becomes the object of intervention.
Not
the self-directed,
self-actualizing

(09:53):
leader of the process.
I think if I am going to sum all of those three things up,
this is how I would kind of bring that into one sentence.
The second
that we try to help the child feel
or behave differently.
We've taken over and we're not trusting their process anymore.

(10:14):
And we would,
we would never do that.
We would never want to do that.
But that's inevitably what happens if we think about quote helping.
So let's reframe,
which we've been talking about
reframing mindset.
Let's reframe the word help.
So in CCPT
help means create the conditions for growth.

(10:36):
That's it.
Not direct,
not guide,
not teach,
not fix,
not correct,
not anything,
it's create the conditions for growth.
And
the child will naturally self-actualize.
And the way that we do that,
we're fully present.
Attuned and engaged

(10:57):
We use reflective responses.
We
offer freedom and autonomy in the playroom.
We trust
the child will self-actualize.
And we communicate to be with attitudes.
Those are the conditions for growth
that is us helping.

(11:18):
Because we're being CCPT.
That's it.
We don't insert agenda,
we don't
set goals,
we don't nudge,
we don't gently push.
We create the conditions for growth,
that is how we help.
So,
I just want to throw out a couple of examples
of things that I've either received in emails recently or

(11:42):
heard in discussions.
I just want to help him open up,
end quote.
These are examples that therapists have said,
you know,
either in consultation or supervision or things that we're processing.
I just want to help him open up.
This suggests
that
we're trying to control.

(12:02):
How fast the child processes something.
If a child hasn't opened up,
the child's not ready,
willing or able to open up yet.
We can't control that.
Another phrase that I've heard.
I want him or her to feel safe.
Here's an interesting
irony.

(12:23):
We can't make a child feel safe.
We can offer safety.
We can create conditions
that make a child feel safe.
The conditions will allow for safety.
We will offer safety,
but we can't make a child feel safe.
I'm helping him process his anger slash aggression slash

(12:45):
whatever the
issue is.
I'm helping him process.
Well,
who's actually processing Ben?
Guarantee you it's not the child.
Because kids aren't rational.
Kids aren't logical,
they're not intellectual.
So
if there's any quote processing that's taking place,

(13:06):
it's adult led.
Not child-centered.
And then
I wanted him her to realize.
And quote
CCPT is never about providing insight.
It's about
presence.
And so the challenge

(13:27):
that I think we,
we need to be mindful of.
The phrase
that is kind of at the heart of all this is,
I wanna help,
right?
So how about if we replace,
I want to help
with,
I want to be with.
Because that's what CCPT is,
it's being with.
So if every time we have the urge to think,

(13:50):
say,
or
even
feel,
I want to help.
If we replace it with,
I want to be with.
That's fully adherent.
So,
food for thought questions.
Where in your practice do you feel the urge to help
most strongly?

(14:11):
That will
give you some insight into what you're prone to feel uncomfortable with.
When are you feeling the strongest urge to help,
in what circumstance,
with what kind of kid,
what's going on,
when
and where are you feeling the urge to help?
What
internal discomfort
is fueling it.

(14:33):
Because that's 100% coming from you.
And what would it look like to replace,
quote,
helping
with holding space?
And I think I,
I was actually talking to my pastor quite a few months ago now,
but
we were talking about therapy
and
He said

(14:54):
the thing that I've found is,
no matter what kind of therapy you're in,
no matter who your therapist is,
when you choose to
change behavior,
you have to replace
your old behavior with a new behavior,
you can't just stop the old behavior.
And I've pondered that so much since that
conversation and there was more to the conversation,

(15:16):
obviously,
but
the,
the phrase that has stuck with me
was
regardless of your therapist,
your therapy,
your theoretical model,
whatever,
if a person chooses to change,
they have to replace the old behavior with a new behavior.
They can't just eliminate the old behavior.
And
so,
with that in mind,

(15:37):
if we want to not say something like I want to help.
We have to replace it with something else.
So instead of saying,
I want to help him calm down.
I want him to learn how to self-regulate.
I want to help him
build an emotional vocabulary.
We could replace it with.

(15:58):
I'll sit in the pocket
while he moves through this feeling.
I'll be with him.
I'll sit right here.
I'll stay with him
while he moves through this.
Or
Instead of,
how can I help her feel more confident?
How can I help her feel less anxious?

(16:20):
How can I help her,
whatever the scenario is.
I'll reflect her feelings
and I'll trust her process.
That's the replacement.
See how,
how can I help?
I want to help.
I need to help.
I should help.
All of a sudden,
there's directive nature there.

(16:42):
We have to replace it with something else,
and wanting to help is not wrong.
Let's,
let's be real clear on that.
We're all wired to help.
And there's
admirable qualities of someone that wants to help.
But in CCPT we have to redefine what that word means.
So start noticing where this phrase is creeping into your thinking.

(17:04):
Recognize it,
admit it.
Offer replacement languages and phrases instead.
There are ways to be aware of this and therefore make adjustments,
and that's the goal because our mindset shifts
are often just one
aha moment at a time.
We,
we were made aware of something that we weren't before

(17:24):
and we're able to
shift
the way that we think
and that's the goal of the series,
that's the goal of this episode.
So I hope that that encourages you.
I hope that if you are one that you can
hear yourself in some of the phrases that I've said
that you don't feel guilty,
but you recognize it as an opportunity to be more intentional about the words

(17:45):
and the phrases that you're saying and therefore the things that you're thinking.
Because
out of the heart,
the mouth speaks.
So we need to be really aware of what might be unconsciously
in there that's more directive than we think.
In the next episode,
we will unpack
another common mindset related to this,

(18:05):
that we can make a child feel something.
So it was,
I want to help this week and next week it'll be,
I want to make the child feel something.
All right,
love y'all.
I'm really grateful to spend time with you each week.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,

(18:25):
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.