Who is on the show today:
James "Chip" Massey is the CEO of Plowshare Communications, which advises business leaders on strategic negotiations and how to accelerate the sales process by building strong, powerful, and trust-based relationships.
Why is he on the show:
For more than two decades, Massey served as an FBI Special Agent and hostage/crisis negotiator. During his tenure, his work ranged from collaborating with the CIA to crack espionage rings to high-profile corruption cases, to post-9/11 counter-terrorism investigations at key Washington, D.C. sites. As a hostage negotiator, he worked extensively in crisis situations, including international kidnappings and fugitive apprehensions.
Within the bureau, Massey was noted for his ability to quickly build rapport, and his deep expertise interviewing both victims and criminal suspects. He spent several years coordinating the FBI's Victim-Witness Program, as well as directing the FBI Citizens Academy in Washington, D.C.
What did I learn from the conversation:
Hostage negotiations are like high stake sales meetings. The skills that you need to do well in both the situations are very similar. The most important skill is the ability to build rapport & trust really quickly. The fastest way to build trust is to do the little things right. They add up quickly.
Empathy is a super-power that can propel us to success. Empathy comes from listening what the other person is saying so that we can understand what is going on in their lives. Listening is not just about listening to what is being said, but also to identify the emotions behind what is being said. IF we are able to identify & name the emotions that are being conveyed, we are already starting to empathise. Open ended questions can help us delve and dive deeper to really understand our partner.
In stressful situation, it is better to be the emotional leader. It is in our nature to mimic the emotion that we see. So, if we are talking to someone who is angry and yelling, typically, we start feeling the anger and our tone of our voice starts to go up as well. So, if we are able to resist that and are able to stay calm and lower our voices, the person who is angry will typically follow suit. It is human nature. Also, we need to allow people to speak and vent when they are running on high emotions. Their emotions need a vent out in order for them to calm down.
When we (or someone) are in a crisis, all our senses start to get into a focused state. We will listen less, see less and think less. So, it is best to use short sentences, increase the volume of our speech and be in front and centre of the person's vision for them to see us. Some phrases to avoid - "Calm down" or "I understand". Both only end up flaring the other person's emotions
The more we talk, the less we listen and if we want to influence someone, we need to listen more than we talk.
Books recommended:
What is so obvious, but people often miss:
- The need to listen more than we talk.
Where can you reach him:
You can find more information about Chip and his work on his website
here.