Gaslighting Ourselves: The Psychological Impact on LGBTQ+ Finances | Queer Money Ep. 583

Stop Gaslighting Yourself About Your Money, Darling!

Let’s spill the financial tea, shall we? In this episode, we dive into the sneaky, self-sabotaging habit of self-gaslighting—yes, it’s a thing—and how it’s keeping too many in the LGBTQ community stuck in a cycle of overspending, under-planning, and telling themselves it’s totally fine when it’s anything but.

We’re calling out the little lies we tell ourselves: “I deserve this splurge,” “I’ll save later,” “Debt is just a part of life.” Sound familiar? From lifestyle inflation to credit card quicksand, we break down the psychological traps and societal pressures that trick queer folks into trading long-term stability for short-term fabulousness.

But don’t worry—this isn’t about guilt. It’s about waking up, owning your truth, and making money moves that serve your future self. Tune in for real talk, mindset shifts, and tips to help you stop faking financial security and start building it—for real this time.

Takeaways:

• 💸 We're not just budgeting wrong—we're telling ourselves financial fairy tales. Too many LGBTQ folks are self-gaslighting when it comes to money, pretending they’re financially secure while secretly dodging their credit card statements.
• 👠 Champagne taste, ramen budget. The obsession with luxury and looking the part often wins out over actually being financially stable.
• 📸 Instagram ain't real life. A huge number of LGBTQ adults feel the pressure to live big, bold, and bougie because of societal (and social media) expectations. But that curated feed won’t fund your future.
• 🎯 Goals aren’t just for gym bros. Without clear financial targets, it’s way too easy to rack up debt and kiss your long-term savings goodbye.
• 🔥 Self-sabotage in sequins. Impulsive spending may feel fabulous in the moment, but it’s often a sparkly distraction from what really matters—retirement, security, and peace of mind.
• 🤝 Get you a money buddy. Accountability partnerships can turn your financial “oops” into “I got this,” helping you stay aligned with your actual goals—not just your next splurge.

Topics Covered:

• 00:04 – Setting the Stage (and the Standard) ⏰ - We kick things off with a real talk on how standards of living have gone from “comfortable” to “keeping up with the most filtered gays on Instagram.”
• 01:20 – Gaslighting 101: Girl, You’re Doing It to Yourself 🧠 - We break down the psychology of gaslighting—and how some of us have become expert-level at convincing ourselves that financial chaos is totally normal.
• 04:30 – Pressure Cooker: Queer Edition 😰 - We dig into the emotional weight of financial expectations in the LGBTQ community—and why it’s messing with our mental and money health.
• 08:01 – Professional, Polished, and…Penniless? 💼 - Even the most buttoned-up LGBTQ professionals aren’t immune to the illusion. We get real about income, spending, and the quiet struggles behind that fierce LinkedIn photo.
• 09:21 – Swipe Now, Cry Later 💳 - The illusion of wealth? It’s often backed by credit card debt and a dash of denial. We’re pulling back the curtain on how deep the spending trap goes.
• 11:45 – Get You Some Goals (and a Money Bestie) 🎯 - We wrap it up with how to turn the tide: set clear financial goals, stop gaslighting yourself, and grab an accountability partner who won’t let you shop your retirement away.