Episode 87: Is It Worth Starting the Healing Process If You’re Not Sure You Want to Stay After Infidelity?

You don’t need to have all the answers to begin healing.

In this powerful and compassionate episode of Relationships Uncomplicated, Idit Sharoni, LMFT, is joined by Program Specialist and therapist Alana Tokayer, LMFT, to answer a question many hurt partners silently ask:

“Is it even worth starting the healing process if I’m not sure I want to stay?”

We explore why uncertainty is a completely normal—and expected—part of the aftermath of infidelity, and how beginning the healing process can actually lead to the clarity so many partners are searching for.

⏱ Episode Timestamps:

• 00:02 – Why uncertainty after infidelity is normal
  Idit introduces the topic and explains how common it is for hurt partners to question whether healing is worth it when they’re unsure about staying.

• 04:24 – The emotional duality of betrayal
  Alana describes the emotional seesaw many hurt partners experience—feeling both deep pain and lingering love—and why that doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

• 08:20 – Why you don’t need to decide before you begin
  Idit explains how healing often leads to clarity, and that deciding to stay is not a requirement to start the recovery process.

• 14:40 – How healing helps clarify what’s possible
  Alana shares the metaphor of the fogged-up window and how clarity emerges from experience—not from overthinking or pressure.

• 22:25 – The difference between being remorseful and acting remorseful
  Idit outlines what true remorse looks like and how an unfaithful partner can appear unremorseful even if they feel regret.

🎙 In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why feeling unsure is normal and human after betrayal

• The emotional duality of still loving someone who hurt you

• Why you don’t need to decide whether to stay before beginning healing

• What leads to real clarity (hint: not overthinking!)

• How unfaithful partners can act remorseful, not just feel remorse

• Why trust is not a requirement to begin healing—it’s the result of the process

• Tips for couples sitting in the “gray zone” of uncertainty

💬 Real talk and examples you'll relate to:

Alana shares a moving story of a client named Jenna (name changed), who was completely stuck on the question of whether to stay or go. Through the healing process, without pressure, she found the clarity she was searching for—not all at once, but step by step.

💡 Key Takeaways:

1. Feeling uncertain about staying after infidelity is completely normal.

2. You don’t need to decide before you begin—healing can be the pathway to clarity.

3. Trust and remorse can grow with the right support and guidance.