March 4, 2025 • 37 mins
Chris, a seasoned life coach with a master's in counseling psychology, shares her profound journey from addiction to freedom, offering a fresh perspective on perfectionistic tendencies and self-sabotage.
Chris candidly reflects on her experiences with alcohol addiction, the misconceptions around sobriety, and the societal pressures that often accompany the decision to live alcohol-free.
Her book, "Grace Yourself," offers a beacon of hope for those navigating their own battles.
Get the book: Grace Yourself: How to Show Up for the Sober Life You Want by Chris Janssen: https://amzn.to/4gJuvVq
https://www.chrisjanssencoaching.com/
Revitalize your faith and fitness with a morning routine that does not sacrifice your sleep and does start each day with God's Word and a workout. Join the community today at www.earlymorninghabit.com
☀️ Grab my FREE TRAINING on 3 Powerful Secrets to Rise Renewed Every Morning.
☀️ Join the Early Morning Habit course and community today.
➡️ Find Our Favorite Resources at the Early Morning Habit Amazon Shop
=============================
SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW
=============================
➡️ YouTube
➡️ Instagram
We value your feedback! Please share your thoughts on this show here.
This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links; we will receive a small commission if you buy something.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I didn't understand the concept of grace, because
grace as a controlling person,grace is free.
It's unmerited favor and Ididn't earn it and that didn't
make sense to me.
I thought my value andself-worth.
I needed to earn a sense ofpride and it is playing God and
saying we know better than Godwhat will work.
You know, suck it up.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You don't get to control that Over 21 million
adults struggle with addictionin America, and yet only 10%,
reportedly, are receiving thetreatment that they need, and I
think there's actually more ofus that struggle with an
addictive mentality even if weare not addicted to external
(00:41):
substances.
With over 25 years ofexperience helping
high-performing individualsovercome self-sabotage and
redefine their goals, Chris hasworked with everyone from
athletes to entrepreneurs,helping them break free from
addiction and live with purpose.
Chris, welcome.
I would love to get a littlesnapshot just of your story how,
(01:02):
regardless of anyone listening,whether their struggle might be
similar to yours when it comesto alcohol or any other
addiction what I'd really loveto focus in on is helping us
diagnose the areas in our lifewhere we might actually be
(01:23):
struggling with addictive typementalities.
They're just not showing up inthe same way, but they are
debilitating us just as much.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, I want to start by sayingI'll be clear.
I'm not an addiction expert ora sobriety coach.
I'm a life coach.
I have a master's in counselingpsychology.
That is my background.
This is my second book anduntil I wrote this book, a lot
of my closest friends and familymembers did not know my story
(01:53):
with alcohol addiction.
It's not because I was ashamedof it, it's because I have a
very solid, strong community.
That's a recovery community foralcohol addicted people, and so
you know, I didn't feel theneed to take take it outside of
that, because not everyone, ifyou're, if we're not dealing
(02:15):
with the same thing, noteverybody understands it.
So, um, I talk a lot aboutcommunity in my book.
It's really important.
So, that said, being a lifecoach, and the reason I did
share my story with recovery andalcohol my alcohol addiction in
this book is because I wantedto present these coaching tools.
(02:37):
This is a second coaching bookI've written now and it's very
interactive.
I share a lot of my favoritetools for getting people unstuck
.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
It is very interactive, you guys.
Yes, the links, of course, willbe everywhere, but yes, there's
a lot of writing sections.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Exactly so, like getting a hard copy as opposed
to an e-book is very helpfulbecause there's fill in the
blanks.
It's not a workbook that youneed to feel stressed or
overwhelmed about.
It's.
You can also just read it andnot fill in the blanks if you
want.
But it is interactive.
And I chose to share my storywith addiction because I
(03:13):
realized these coaching tools Iwant to present in this book are
really about overcomingcontrolling thoughts,
perfectionism, high standards,self-sabotage thoughts.
Perfectionism, high standards,self-sabotage, rigid thinking.
I'm an.
I'm a high achiever.
I coach high achievers.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Um, I help people get out of uh, performance pressure
things and which is pretty muchevery lady in early morning
habit by the way, like you'respeaking to the right people,
the women attracted to earlymorning habit, are precisely who
you're speaking to.
So, ladies, listen up.
This is you.
Let's just own it.
I figured that.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And those are also the type of ladies that hire a
coach right, these are the typeof people that sign up for a
life coach.
So those are my clients.
So, in order to present thesetools, I thought you know what
the best example I have is is myown story with addiction, and
so I someone doesn't need to beaddicted to alcohol, or even in
(04:13):
an active addiction, to get alot of benefit from the
exercises in the book.
It's just that I say, okay,here's, here's how this got me
in, stuck with my alcoholaddiction.
Now let's apply it to you, andso we can definitely talk about
some of those things.
If you want that keep us stuckin high standards and
(04:34):
perfectionistic thinking, I'mhappy to share tools with you if
you would like.
Whatever would be helpful.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, I think a question to start is give us
ideas or ways to self-evaluate,because I think sometimes we
live in denial.
We know we're high achievers.
A lot of us as women, and maybesome of us, if we're really
self-aware, can acknowledge thatwe struggle sometimes with
controlling tendencies,behaviors that are secondary to
(05:05):
mindsets and thoughts.
But I think for a lot of us wecan acknowledge that but maybe
are not as self-aware of how itis actually detrimental to us
and our families.
Meaning we might be aware ofthose things.
(05:26):
But give me some thoughts onhow to sort of reflect on how
some of those tendencies andmindsets could be negatively
impacting not just us but alsothe people that we love, because
at the end of the day, that isprobably going to be what is
(05:47):
more effective at highlighting.
Okay, I have a problem.
Yeah, I've never really thoughtabout it that way.
But yeah, this is a biggerproblem than I'm giving it
credit.
For what?
Might some of those assessmentslook like Simplicity is key.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Keep a kiss, keep it simple, silly, right, like so.
The simplest way for us toevaluate several times a day,
throughout the day, taking aninventory throughout the day, is
to constantly be askingourselves is this thought or
behavior moving me in thedirection I want to go?
Is this thought or behaviormoving me to the person I want
(06:26):
to become for the people I lovethe most?
And if it's not, then step twowould be to take a deeper look
at that and get leverage onourselves and ask, because we
need to be honest, if we'reletting go of something, it will
be hard.
So we want to choose our hardright.
(06:46):
And so to do that, we want toask is giving this thing up?
Whether it's getting up early inthe morning or giving up, you
know, for me it was quittingalcohol.
Whatever it is, that's notmoving us where we want to go
and we want to get rid of thathabit.
We want to go and we want toget rid of that habit.
(07:08):
We need to ask well, is thepain of giving this up greater
or less than the pain of keepingit?
And most of us hit a painthreshold where we know, even if
other people don't know, weknow in our gut that if we don't
let go of this thing or maybeit's something we need to add
into our life, do this thinglike exercise, or get up early
at same time every day, or quiettime with God, whatever that
(07:31):
thing is, we know that theabsence of it or the inclusion
of it will be painful, so we'reweighing the costs, costs and
that leverage is important.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
The leverage is important and also acknowledging
some of the more subtleimplications to the loss or the
gain.
I think you brought upperfectionism as a good example.
Gain, like.
I think you brought upperfectionism as a good example
and it's sort of understanding.
What is that?
How is that showing up in mylife?
How is perfectionism and someof the tendencies to not give
myself grace, how is it not onlyimpacting me, but how is that
(08:20):
also then negatively impactingmy family?
And I'm just using this as oneexample.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm aperfectionist.
I would probably lean moretowards like constructive
criticism.
I put it in clear quotesbecause I know my husband and my
kids would sometimes say it'snot constructive, but like I'll
be very hard on myself to belike okay, ani, you could have
(08:43):
done better, step it up, youcould do better.
But then it also getstransferred to other people,
namely my family.
So I'm using myself as anexample, but if someone
listening struggles withperfectionism, this could also
show up in a similar way.
But I have had to humblyrecognize that even some of the
things that I tell myself, Ithink I'm just limiting it to
(09:08):
myself and it's not affectinganyone else.
But then I realized, like howoften I unnecessarily say
something to my kids and it'slike was that really necessary
to say?
I don't know that it was right.
Like maybe I don't like theshirt that my kid came down with
.
It's like is it reallynecessary to be like that shirt
(09:29):
doesn't match your pants?
Do you know what I mean?
It's little things like that.
So it's when you compound thosetypes of behaviors where then
10 years later, your kid canlook back and be like yeah, my
mom was kind of critical or mymom was kind of perfectionistic.
It's like how do we really takea look in the mirror and be
like okay, the lens throughwhich we see ourselves is going
(09:50):
to be the same lens throughwhich we see other people,
whether we acknowledge it oraware of it or not.
And how can that be acontrolling mindset?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
that's negatively impacting us.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, and what does it look like to lose it, right?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Right, and I have, and I have a tool for that.
I think first we need to defineperfectionism.
So to me, there's a bigdifference between a high
achiever and a high growthperson and a perfectionist, and
so we'll just go with thatdefinition.
So, an achiever, which we allhere, are high growth wonderful,
that's great.
We will do what it takes to getto our goal.
(10:24):
We'll tweak the tactics, we'lltweak the strategy.
A perfectionist willself-sabotage, crumple up the
paper, throw it in the trash andshut down the whole goal
altogether because it wasn'tperfect or one strategy didn't
work.
So what we want to do is stayaware of that.
It's not wrong that we do that.
It's not wrong that we wantedto point out the shirt our child
(10:47):
was wearing.
We need to not call ourselveswrong for those things, but just
celebrate our awareness and gois this the best?
Is this?
Maybe you do need to saysomething about the shirt,
depending on where you're going.
There's no formula.
It's going to be different forevery child, every event, every
situation.
So we're always running itthrough the lens of is this?
(11:11):
You know?
What do I have control overhere and what don't I?
And if it's something we don'thave control over.
Like if people have fun at aparty we hosted, let's say we've
got to let that go, causethat's that's a rule we have for
a goal we hosted.
Let's say We've got to let thatgo because that's a rule we
have for a goal we set that'snot actually attainable.
So that's an example of a highstandard that's too high and
(11:34):
will get us into trouble.
And I want to say, you know,when we have these tendencies,
we don't need to be hard onourselves.
They served a purpose.
We, we developed thisperfectionistic thinking or a
habit, or, for me, um, alcohol,drinking alcohol.
We developed it innocently, tomeet some needs a long time ago
(11:59):
and it maybe even helped ussurvive for a season.
Maybe we had to be aperfectionistic child because we
had abusive parents.
We, you know, we're alldifferent, so we all have these
things we have for differentreasons and we don't need to sit
down and analyze all of that,but we do need to be kind to
ourselves and say, okay, I seehow I got this, is it serving me
(12:23):
now and do I need it in thefuture?
And if it's not serving us now,and if it's actually gotten to
the point where it will causemore harm than saving us, then
that's time to change thepattern.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
You have.
I'm trying to get where thechapter three.
You talk about party people.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, I love that Party people.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Mm-hmm, and you found , or you had, multiple labels.
If you will Label is probablynot the right word where I think
you just highlighted somereally, really good.
What is the right word?
You could probably come up witha better.
What am I trying to say?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
I call them in the book of companiers.
But it's you know, I try not toget tied up in labels.
I say that in the book, but wehave to, but we have to talk and
we have to write, so we have tohave words.
So there, there are things thatover my 18 years of being in
recovery that I have noticed arecommon denominators of people
(13:27):
with addictions.
We are.
A lot of us are highlysensitive, a lot of us have
issues with control, and maybethat started with a controlling
parent A lot of us have.
Maybe we apologize too muchwhen it's not necessary.
We can be people pleasers Noteverybody.
Like I said, this is not aformula, it's just something.
(13:48):
I've noticed that it is a lot,especially with not just women.
Men in recovery, too, have thesethings, and so I thought it was
important to highlight these inthe book, because I'm really
only an expert at serving theperson I once was, and those are
all the person I once was, andthey're the things I check in
(14:11):
about now.
They don't just go away forever, but I'm aware of them and I
celebrate my awareness and gookay, there's probably a better
way to do this.
Go, okay, there's probably abetter way to do this.
Like judgment's one, too, where, if you're like as a child, I
was a real, really hard onmyself, high standards,
perfectionist, and if somethingwasn't perfect, it was trash.
(14:38):
I didn't understand how tonavigate that, and so it's so
funny.
I just totally lost my thought.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
You're allowed to.
It's launch week and I'm doingmy back.
I had four cups of coffee todayand I'm still not showered.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It'll come back to me .
That's hilarious.
There's no judgment here.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, see, look, grace yourself, here we go, real
time, all the grace.
I.
Um.
This transition is definitelynot smooth on my end, but I did
really want to highlight one ofthe things that stood out to me
the most and I kind of touchedon this when you first um came
on and we started talking isthis idea of being sober minded.
(15:22):
You know, you talk about theseaccompaniers, the things that we
just mentioned, the comparison,the people pleasing, avoiding
conflict how many ladies hereare conflict avoiders or people
pleasers?
Or you have one in here aboutdesiring approval.
(15:42):
I think what is so powerfulabout this idea of being
sober-minded not only is itmentioned a lot in scripture to
be sober-minded, we are exhortedto be sober-minded but when you
consider this definition thatyou give means that we do not
(16:03):
allow ourselves to be captivatedby any type of influence that
would lead us away from soundjudgment.
And when you consider thatdefinition, it's sort of like ah
darn, like that's me.
I mean I definitely strugglewith that and I think a lot of
us do.
Like that's me, I mean Idefinitely struggle with that
(16:23):
and I think a lot of us do.
Then, in another section, youkind of give examples of
dangerous addictions and whenyou consider that being sober
minded is anything that caninfluence sound judgment.
I mean, if this list isn'tenough, you then go into the
accompanier.
So I'm just going to read thisreally quick for those of us who
(16:44):
are not yet convinced that wecan take something from Chris's
book and her message.
You know, dangerous addictionscould be alcohol, food, sugar,
binging, purging tobacco screens, smartphones, tablets, tv
prescription or illegal drugs,marijuana, gambling, shopping,
(17:05):
self-injury.
I added to this social mediawe're the news talk about a
potential influencer of soundjudgment in the polarizing world
that we live in.
But here's where it reallystands out Rigid thinking,
perfectionism, approval,junkiness over apologizing,
(17:28):
comparison.
When you consider that any ofthese can actually influence our
ability to be sober mindedbecause we are allowing them to
take too much of a position ofcontrol in our mind, I think it
creates a very differentnarrative when you read her book
(17:49):
Grace Yourself and really givesyou tools to think how.
Which of these is mostapplicable to me, when do I land
?
And I just think it totallychanges the way that I read this
book and thinking where myareas of not being sober minded.
So to me.
I almost read this whole bookand came out being like, okay, I
(18:10):
think the call is actually tobe sober minded to me, Like
that's what I, oh, that'sbeautiful.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That makes me happy, and my thought did come back to
me that where I was going withthat trailed off.
That was it.
As a young person, I was veryjudgmental and really what that
came down to once I did selfwork was that I was so
judgmental of myself only takesso much on our shoulders and
then it has to spill out ontoother people or events, like
(18:44):
where we're blaming people orevents for things that are
outside of our control.
And so you know, I want tomention it's important why I
call it grace yourself, becausethat that it's much deeper than
it sounds.
Um, yeah, as a young, I wasalways bracing myself like white
(19:04):
knuckling.
I thought I needed disciplineand control, and you do in some
areas.
You do if you want to behealthy and exercise, yes,
discipline's great.
But you can't take all that andapply it to things like alcohol
addiction or these otheraddictions that really have us
trapped.
And so we've got to let go ofsome of the control, admit some
(19:27):
powerlessness and let God thefirst three steps of the 12
steps.
We summarize them in recovery.
As I can't, God can, so let him.
And so, as a young woman, Ididn't understand the concept of
grace, because grace as acontrolling person.
Grace is free.
It's unmerited favor and Ididn't earn it and that didn't
(19:50):
make sense to me.
I thought I needed toeverything about my value and
self worth.
I needed to earn.
So I didn't get the idea that Icould have these things for
free because I thought I had tocontrol my worth.
And we just don't get to dothat.
We don't get to say I'll tellyou if I'm worthy or not,
(20:11):
because in a sense that isanother sense of pride and it is
playing God and saying we knowbetter than God what we're worth
.
So the real theme in every pageof this book is accepting God's
grace on ourselves and knowingthat you know, suck it up.
(20:32):
You don't get to control that,yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, amen, amen to that, and you touched really
beautifully I think you wordedit well in the book a struggle
that I think many of us canresonate with, even if it's not
alcohol, is trying to out workour addiction, or I would take
(20:55):
it so far as to say outwork oursin.
It's like as long as ourintention is right, then our
behavior is justified type of athing.
It's like as long as I have theright intention, I should be
able to you know out, disciplinemy addiction, or outwork my sin
(21:17):
, or, and.
And really what you're sayingis, and what you point out in
your own story is no, actuallyit's this idea of being still
and recognizing I can't, forwhatever reason and whatever
situation we're facing.
It's like, where is that powerin actually finding stillness
(21:40):
and accepting grace?
that is unmerited, which is hard, because then you feel like
well, I didn't earn it, which isa pride thing.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
You just said it beautifully yeah right, if we
can't shit on ourselves, so it'sjust another shit.
I should be able to do this.
No, not with.
Not with some things in life.
Addiction is a beast.
There's a lot of things in lifethat we are not meant to be
able to conquer by ourself,without a community of other
(22:10):
people and without God's help,and some of us need tools to
know.
I used to think I was lettingGod help me, but then, in
recovery, I learned how to letGod help me, and some of us need
those tools.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes, yeah, I just so the time of this recording.
Most of us need those tools.
Yes, yeah, I just so the timeof this recording.
Most of us just watched theEagles crush the Chiefs in the
Superbowl and there was a imagethat went around that I just
thought was really powerful andit was Jalen Hurts kneeling on
the field.
And the quote just says if Ikneel first before God, I can
(22:47):
stand before any man.
And it's just such a beautifulexample of really what you're
saying is this idea of you know,if we really want to stand,
then probably the most effectivething that we need to do is
kneel first.
I love that and you know.
You talk about prayer, you talkabout this idea of coming to the
(23:11):
end of your rope, and I thinkit's a call for all of us in the
areas that we might bestruggling in right now.
What would it look like for us?
We're trying to stand in ourown power, we're trying to make
it happen, we're trying to fixit, figure it out, and maybe the
call is to just kneel and askfor grace, literally grace
(23:32):
yourself through the power ofJesus Christ.
What did that look like for you?
Just tell me briefly how.
Kneeling?
Talk about sobriety, prayer,serenity prayer.
But what did that moment looklike and feel like to you?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
And you were finally like okay, that moment it was a
moment and it was when I foundI'd been trying for 20 something
years to quit drinking on myown, since I started it in high
school.
I was 37.
I looked up online a recoverymeeting, went to the meeting.
It was an all women's meetingand this woman in the group I
knew nobody in recovery.
No one in my family drank.
(24:12):
I knew no one that identifiedas an alcoholic.
I was very confused why Icouldn't figure this thing out,
because I figured a lot of stuffin my life out.
So this woman in the group saidto me it's not your fault, you
have a condition, it's like anallergy, and you never have to
have another drink again.
And that in that moment allthat shame and guilt I've been
(24:34):
carrying flew off my shoulders.
She said stay here with us.
We're going to teach you thesolution to this.
We've been there before.
We know what to do.
And I stayed in that communityand that's when my continuous
sobriety started.
So it was a moment for me and Iknow it's not that way for
everybody.
(24:54):
That's how God did it for me.
I came in and needed to hearyou never have to have another
drink again.
Some people come in and hearyou never get to have another
drink again, and that's good too.
We all come in where we come in.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, there is another point in the book where
you talk about alcohol as liquidpoison and you, you know, again
give grace to everyone'sjourney being a little different
.
You talk about how, foryourself, the wisest course was
just going alcohol free, andI've I mean, it's no secret on
(25:32):
here, I am very much a proponentof everyone being alcohol free
and I'll do my own and I've notdone a live training on that yet
but in individual conversationsthere's a lot of biological
reasons for it to not drinkalcohol.
Just aside from you know theother issues, but there's
actually biologically a lot ofgood reasons to not drink um at
(25:54):
all.
But you talk about somethingthat I thought was really
interesting how, um, it's almostweirder to say no to alcohol,
or almost like harder.
There's more questions aroundthat Um, rather than like no one
(26:15):
questions why you say no tomayonnaise, I think was the
example in the book and um justa funny story.
So I've never liked the taste ofalcohol personally.
It just it never gets down thethroat.
It makes me gag every time and,like I was the, I'm stubborn,
and so for me it was just like,okay, I don't like the taste and
I'm not willing to acquire it.
(26:36):
And I worked in emergencymedicine for 10 years, so I also
had the unique position ofwatching alcohol destroy lives,
of watching alcohol destroylives.
And you also talk about themind's eye of what an alcoholic
(26:57):
looks like like the person withno teeth rotted, wearing rags,
not having bathed, in days whereI saw very functional, high
functioning CEOs down to, youknow, fathers and mothers who
looked just like my parentshaving just destroyed their
lives.
Um so for me it was also likeI'm just not even willing to
(27:20):
acquire the taste for this, orcoffee.
I was like, okay, I alsocouldn't stand the taste of that
either, and I was like I willacquire this for good or for bad
.
Um, but I would love to justhear your honest take on why, in
your experience, alcohol isliquid poison, and I know that
(27:40):
you would not be as adamant tosay, like you know, you should
never drink.
Um, but, in your experience,just give us an honest take on
alcohol that maybe some of uswould not have considered.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, so I want to.
I'll start by saying I'm notanti-alcohol.
My friends drink.
They don't have a problem withit.
My husband I don't gravitatetoward people that are big
drinkers that get drunk, but myhusband I call them normies,
right?
People that can drink alcoholand leave like, have a sip or a
half a drink and leave it there,right, it doesn't ignite this
(28:16):
obsession to have more like itdoes for people like me.
So there is a difference.
And I'm not anti-alcohol.
I say I call it liquid poisonand in the book I want to make
sure it's all in context thatI'm really working to empower
the reader who is like me, to beempowered to know look, if
(28:37):
you're stuck in this snare, thatthere is nothing wrong to
saying no to a liquid poison.
Right, there is.
There is more.
The question I used the exampleis what you're referring to of
my one of my kids is just neverdrank there.
My kids are all.
I have three.
They're all in their twentiesand one of them just never was
(28:58):
interested, went through college.
Everything is just not histhing and, um, you know, back.
It didn't used to be like it isnow where we have mocktails and
people know the harmful effectsand a lot of people are alcohol
free and there's no nothingwrong with that.
It used to be.
(29:20):
When I got sober was like youwere weird if you didn't drink.
So the only reason to not drinkwas you had a problem with it
and there was a stigma attached.
So the only reason to not drinkwas you had a problem with it
and there was a stigma attached.
So with my, our son, you know,the kids at one point were like
don't you think you should tryalcohol?
Kind of kind of like so he'snot weird or so he's socially
accepted in college.
(29:41):
And I said no, like the.
A better question would be whydo people drink, Not?
Why don't you drink when youhave all the information?
And then I quoted that funnyJim Gaffigan skit in the book
about people don't say why don'tyou eat mayonnaise?
Should I go outside and eat themayonnaise?
Like, is there right?
(30:01):
And so just thinking, I thinkit's helpful for the reader who
is like me, who needs help inthat way, who we really can't
drink because it will kill usand we do get this obsession for
more drinks once we've had onesip, which gets.
It's a progressive condition,so that gets worse over time and
it even with age.
(30:22):
Even if you quit drinking for20 years and start drinking
again quit drinking for 20 yearsand start drinking again, it's
going to have progressed so andthat's that is a fact.
So I want to empower thosepeople to know there's there's
nothing wrong with you, that youcan't drink like the next
person, or I should say that youcan't moderate like the next
person.
(30:43):
Because I spent years thinkingsomething was wrong with me.
Am I undisciplined?
I don't have enough willpower,which is was really crazy
thinking, because I have a tonof discipline and willpower.
It's just when it comes tothings like addiction, we can't
apply the same rules to those tothat.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yeah, and thank you for sharing that perspective.
I mean you are speaking to avery specific group of people
who, you are right, have abiological, physiological
response to people, why you are.
And I'm going to also say thenon my end, to the people who
feel the same pressure actuallythey just don't respond
physiologically.
But I mean I have definitelyI've gotten that question so
many times Like people think I'mrecovering, I like a recovering
alcoholic, because I always sayno to alcohol and I just simply
I'm like no, I'm just notwilling to acquire the taste,
you know, and they look at melike I have, which is so great,
that's so great.
(31:53):
You know it's just like I'm notwilling to, and I think so.
Similarly, I think more peopleneed to feel permission, because
it's not the same, and I'mgoing to throw it out that
alcohol as a substance haskilled and destroyed more
people's lives than any othersubstance that we currently have
or ever have.
(32:14):
So you do not have to apologizefor not drinking is where I'm
going with this.
You don't need to apologize ifyou struggled with it or if
you're like me and you justsimply are not willing to
acquire the taste because it'snot even worth the risk.
So I just appreciate you beingso open about sharing your story
(32:35):
, because you mentioned how thepower in sharing stories even if
everyone's story is slightlydifferent, there's pieces that
resonate because we're human andthe core emotions and struggles
are the same.
human and the core emotions andstruggles are the same.
How they play out just mightlook a little different.
So it was just such an honorreading your story.
Where would you want people togo right now to learn more about
(32:58):
you and to follow you?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Well, if it's today, before the 18th, because it's
launch week started today.
Yes, that's true.
Yes, I mean.
Pre-orders this week are soimportant to the message, so you
can go anywhere.
Books are sold online.
Get the book pre-order andthey'll ship at the 18th.
Chrisjansencoachingcom is mywebsite, so all things books are
(33:24):
, everything's updated there,and my coaching services are
there as well too.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Awesome.
We will, of course, have all ofthat linked.
Before we close out, I want toread this part from Chris's book
Grace, yourself, y'all need toget yourselves a copy and get a
copy to give away to somebody aswell.
Grace is yours to embrace themoment you set down your
illusion of control over yourown worth, seeing yourself as
the valuable, bright light youare.
Radiate that light out of yourbody.
(33:54):
Every beam is a ray of worthand value.
Condition this visualizationdaily.
Go, shine and show up for thesober life that you desire.
Let me close us out in prayer.
Lord, I thank you so much forChris.
(34:14):
I pray that you would bless herwork.
I do pray that this book wouldget into the hands of those who
need it.
I pray that you would bepreparing hearts and minds to
read the truth that you wantthem to hear through Chris's
story, through her words, andthat it would make reading the
book that much more powerful andthat much more meaningful.
(34:39):
And, lord, I pray that youwould pave the way for that to
happen.
I do pray your blessing overChris's heart, her home, her
story.
I ask that you would also clearthe path for her to walk
forward and share the messagethat you are calling her to
bring to the world and reallythat we would just feel exhorted
(35:00):
to live sober-minded, to havethe humility to ask for
conviction over the influencesin our lives that are negatively
impacting that and maybe evenkeeping us that light diminished
ultimately, your light at workin us through the power of the
Holy Spirit.
So, lord, I do pray that foryour glory, we would shine with
(35:23):
the incredible influence thatyou have given us as women, and
I thank you so much for Chrisdoing the work that she is In
Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Amen.
I didn't understand the concept of grace, because
grace as a controlling person,grace is free.
It's unmerited favor and Ididn't earn it and that didn't
make sense to me.
I thought my value andself-worth.
I needed to earn a sense ofpride and it is playing God and
saying we know better than Godwhat will work.
You know, suck it up.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You don't get to control that Over 21 million
adults struggle with addictionin America, and yet only 10%,
reportedly, are receiving thetreatment that they need, and I
think there's actually more ofus that struggle with an
addictive mentality even if weare not addicted to external
(00:41):
substances.
With over 25 years ofexperience helping
high-performing individualsovercome self-sabotage and
redefine their goals, Chris hasworked with everyone from
athletes to entrepreneurs,helping them break free from
addiction and live with purpose.
Chris, welcome.
I would love to get a littlesnapshot just of your story how,
(01:02):
regardless of anyone listening,whether their struggle might be
similar to yours when it comesto alcohol or any other
addiction what I'd really loveto focus in on is helping us
diagnose the areas in our lifewhere we might actually be
(01:23):
struggling with addictive typementalities.
They're just not showing up inthe same way, but they are
debilitating us just as much.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, I want to start by sayingI'll be clear.
I'm not an addiction expert ora sobriety coach.
I'm a life coach.
I have a master's in counselingpsychology.
That is my background.
This is my second book anduntil I wrote this book, a lot
of my closest friends and familymembers did not know my story
(01:53):
with alcohol addiction.
It's not because I was ashamedof it, it's because I have a
very solid, strong community.
That's a recovery community foralcohol addicted people, and so
you know, I didn't feel theneed to take take it outside of
that, because not everyone, ifyou're, if we're not dealing
(02:15):
with the same thing, noteverybody understands it.
So, um, I talk a lot aboutcommunity in my book.
It's really important.
So, that said, being a lifecoach, and the reason I did
share my story with recovery andalcohol my alcohol addiction in
this book is because I wantedto present these coaching tools.
(02:37):
This is a second coaching bookI've written now and it's very
interactive.
I share a lot of my favoritetools for getting people unstuck
.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
It is very interactive, you guys.
Yes, the links, of course, willbe everywhere, but yes, there's
a lot of writing sections.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Exactly so, like getting a hard copy as opposed
to an e-book is very helpfulbecause there's fill in the
blanks.
It's not a workbook that youneed to feel stressed or
overwhelmed about.
It's.
You can also just read it andnot fill in the blanks if you
want.
But it is interactive.
And I chose to share my storywith addiction because I
(03:13):
realized these coaching tools Iwant to present in this book are
really about overcomingcontrolling thoughts,
perfectionism, high standards,self-sabotage thoughts.
Perfectionism, high standards,self-sabotage, rigid thinking.
I'm an.
I'm a high achiever.
I coach high achievers.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Um, I help people get out of uh, performance pressure
things and which is pretty muchevery lady in early morning
habit by the way, like you'respeaking to the right people,
the women attracted to earlymorning habit, are precisely who
you're speaking to.
So, ladies, listen up.
This is you.
Let's just own it.
I figured that.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And those are also the type of ladies that hire a
coach right, these are the typeof people that sign up for a
life coach.
So those are my clients.
So, in order to present thesetools, I thought you know what
the best example I have is is myown story with addiction, and
so I someone doesn't need to beaddicted to alcohol, or even in
(04:13):
an active addiction, to get alot of benefit from the
exercises in the book.
It's just that I say, okay,here's, here's how this got me
in, stuck with my alcoholaddiction.
Now let's apply it to you, andso we can definitely talk about
some of those things.
If you want that keep us stuckin high standards and
(04:34):
perfectionistic thinking, I'mhappy to share tools with you if
you would like.
Whatever would be helpful.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, I think a question to start is give us
ideas or ways to self-evaluate,because I think sometimes we
live in denial.
We know we're high achievers.
A lot of us as women, and maybesome of us, if we're really
self-aware, can acknowledge thatwe struggle sometimes with
controlling tendencies,behaviors that are secondary to
(05:05):
mindsets and thoughts.
But I think for a lot of us wecan acknowledge that but maybe
are not as self-aware of how itis actually detrimental to us
and our families.
Meaning we might be aware ofthose things.
(05:26):
But give me some thoughts onhow to sort of reflect on how
some of those tendencies andmindsets could be negatively
impacting not just us but alsothe people that we love, because
at the end of the day, that isprobably going to be what is
(05:47):
more effective at highlighting.
Okay, I have a problem.
Yeah, I've never really thoughtabout it that way.
But yeah, this is a biggerproblem than I'm giving it
credit.
For what?
Might some of those assessmentslook like Simplicity is key.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Keep a kiss, keep it simple, silly, right, like so.
The simplest way for us toevaluate several times a day,
throughout the day, taking aninventory throughout the day, is
to constantly be askingourselves is this thought or
behavior moving me in thedirection I want to go?
Is this thought or behaviormoving me to the person I want
(06:26):
to become for the people I lovethe most?
And if it's not, then step twowould be to take a deeper look
at that and get leverage onourselves and ask, because we
need to be honest, if we'reletting go of something, it will
be hard.
So we want to choose our hardright.
(06:46):
And so to do that, we want toask is giving this thing up?
Whether it's getting up early inthe morning or giving up, you
know, for me it was quittingalcohol.
Whatever it is, that's notmoving us where we want to go
and we want to get rid of thathabit.
We want to go and we want toget rid of that habit.
(07:08):
We need to ask well, is thepain of giving this up greater
or less than the pain of keepingit?
And most of us hit a painthreshold where we know, even if
other people don't know, weknow in our gut that if we don't
let go of this thing or maybeit's something we need to add
into our life, do this thinglike exercise, or get up early
at same time every day, or quiettime with God, whatever that
(07:31):
thing is, we know that theabsence of it or the inclusion
of it will be painful, so we'reweighing the costs, costs and
that leverage is important.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
The leverage is important and also acknowledging
some of the more subtleimplications to the loss or the
gain.
I think you brought upperfectionism as a good example.
Gain, like.
I think you brought upperfectionism as a good example
and it's sort of understanding.
What is that?
How is that showing up in mylife?
How is perfectionism and someof the tendencies to not give
myself grace, how is it not onlyimpacting me, but how is that
(08:20):
also then negatively impactingmy family?
And I'm just using this as oneexample.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm aperfectionist.
I would probably lean moretowards like constructive
criticism.
I put it in clear quotesbecause I know my husband and my
kids would sometimes say it'snot constructive, but like I'll
be very hard on myself to belike okay, ani, you could have
(08:43):
done better, step it up, youcould do better.
But then it also getstransferred to other people,
namely my family.
So I'm using myself as anexample, but if someone
listening struggles withperfectionism, this could also
show up in a similar way.
But I have had to humblyrecognize that even some of the
things that I tell myself, Ithink I'm just limiting it to
(09:08):
myself and it's not affectinganyone else.
But then I realized, like howoften I unnecessarily say
something to my kids and it'slike was that really necessary
to say?
I don't know that it was right.
Like maybe I don't like theshirt that my kid came down with
.
It's like is it reallynecessary to be like that shirt
(09:29):
doesn't match your pants?
Do you know what I mean?
It's little things like that.
So it's when you compound thosetypes of behaviors where then
10 years later, your kid canlook back and be like yeah, my
mom was kind of critical or mymom was kind of perfectionistic.
It's like how do we really takea look in the mirror and be
like okay, the lens throughwhich we see ourselves is going
(09:50):
to be the same lens throughwhich we see other people,
whether we acknowledge it oraware of it or not.
And how can that be acontrolling mindset?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
that's negatively impacting us.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, and what does it look like to lose it, right?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Right, and I have, and I have a tool for that.
I think first we need to defineperfectionism.
So to me, there's a bigdifference between a high
achiever and a high growthperson and a perfectionist, and
so we'll just go with thatdefinition.
So, an achiever, which we allhere, are high growth wonderful,
that's great.
We will do what it takes to getto our goal.
(10:24):
We'll tweak the tactics, we'lltweak the strategy.
A perfectionist willself-sabotage, crumple up the
paper, throw it in the trash andshut down the whole goal
altogether because it wasn'tperfect or one strategy didn't
work.
So what we want to do is stayaware of that.
It's not wrong that we do that.
It's not wrong that we wantedto point out the shirt our child
(10:47):
was wearing.
We need to not call ourselveswrong for those things, but just
celebrate our awareness and gois this the best?
Is this?
Maybe you do need to saysomething about the shirt,
depending on where you're going.
There's no formula.
It's going to be different forevery child, every event, every
situation.
So we're always running itthrough the lens of is this?
(11:11):
You know?
What do I have control overhere and what don't I?
And if it's something we don'thave control over.
Like if people have fun at aparty we hosted, let's say we've
got to let that go, causethat's that's a rule we have for
a goal we hosted.
Let's say We've got to let thatgo because that's a rule we
have for a goal we set that'snot actually attainable.
So that's an example of a highstandard that's too high and
(11:34):
will get us into trouble.
And I want to say, you know,when we have these tendencies,
we don't need to be hard onourselves.
They served a purpose.
We, we developed thisperfectionistic thinking or a
habit, or, for me, um, alcohol,drinking alcohol.
We developed it innocently, tomeet some needs a long time ago
(11:59):
and it maybe even helped ussurvive for a season.
Maybe we had to be aperfectionistic child because we
had abusive parents.
We, you know, we're alldifferent, so we all have these
things we have for differentreasons and we don't need to sit
down and analyze all of that,but we do need to be kind to
ourselves and say, okay, I seehow I got this, is it serving me
(12:23):
now and do I need it in thefuture?
And if it's not serving us now,and if it's actually gotten to
the point where it will causemore harm than saving us, then
that's time to change thepattern.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
You have.
I'm trying to get where thechapter three.
You talk about party people.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, I love that Party people.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Mm-hmm, and you found , or you had, multiple labels.
If you will Label is probablynot the right word where I think
you just highlighted somereally, really good.
What is the right word?
You could probably come up witha better.
What am I trying to say?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
I call them in the book of companiers.
But it's you know, I try not toget tied up in labels.
I say that in the book, but wehave to, but we have to talk and
we have to write, so we have tohave words.
So there, there are things thatover my 18 years of being in
recovery that I have noticed arecommon denominators of people
(13:27):
with addictions.
We are.
A lot of us are highlysensitive, a lot of us have
issues with control, and maybethat started with a controlling
parent A lot of us have.
Maybe we apologize too muchwhen it's not necessary.
We can be people pleasers Noteverybody.
Like I said, this is not aformula, it's just something.
(13:48):
I've noticed that it is a lot,especially with not just women.
Men in recovery, too, have thesethings, and so I thought it was
important to highlight these inthe book, because I'm really
only an expert at serving theperson I once was, and those are
all the person I once was, andthey're the things I check in
(14:11):
about now.
They don't just go away forever, but I'm aware of them and I
celebrate my awareness and gookay, there's probably a better
way to do this.
Go, okay, there's probably abetter way to do this.
Like judgment's one, too, where, if you're like as a child, I
was a real, really hard onmyself, high standards,
perfectionist, and if somethingwasn't perfect, it was trash.
(14:38):
I didn't understand how tonavigate that, and so it's so
funny.
I just totally lost my thought.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
You're allowed to.
It's launch week and I'm doingmy back.
I had four cups of coffee todayand I'm still not showered.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It'll come back to me .
That's hilarious.
There's no judgment here.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, see, look, grace yourself, here we go, real
time, all the grace.
I.
Um.
This transition is definitelynot smooth on my end, but I did
really want to highlight one ofthe things that stood out to me
the most and I kind of touchedon this when you first um came
on and we started talking isthis idea of being sober minded.
(15:22):
You know, you talk about theseaccompaniers, the things that we
just mentioned, the comparison,the people pleasing, avoiding
conflict how many ladies hereare conflict avoiders or people
pleasers?
Or you have one in here aboutdesiring approval.
(15:42):
I think what is so powerfulabout this idea of being
sober-minded not only is itmentioned a lot in scripture to
be sober-minded, we are exhortedto be sober-minded but when you
consider this definition thatyou give means that we do not
(16:03):
allow ourselves to be captivatedby any type of influence that
would lead us away from soundjudgment.
And when you consider thatdefinition, it's sort of like ah
darn, like that's me.
I mean I definitely strugglewith that and I think a lot of
us do.
Like that's me, I mean Idefinitely struggle with that
(16:23):
and I think a lot of us do.
Then, in another section, youkind of give examples of
dangerous addictions and whenyou consider that being sober
minded is anything that caninfluence sound judgment.
I mean, if this list isn'tenough, you then go into the
accompanier.
So I'm just going to read thisreally quick for those of us who
(16:44):
are not yet convinced that wecan take something from Chris's
book and her message.
You know, dangerous addictionscould be alcohol, food, sugar,
binging, purging tobacco screens, smartphones, tablets, tv
prescription or illegal drugs,marijuana, gambling, shopping,
(17:05):
self-injury.
I added to this social mediawe're the news talk about a
potential influencer of soundjudgment in the polarizing world
that we live in.
But here's where it reallystands out Rigid thinking,
perfectionism, approval,junkiness over apologizing,
(17:28):
comparison.
When you consider that any ofthese can actually influence our
ability to be sober mindedbecause we are allowing them to
take too much of a position ofcontrol in our mind, I think it
creates a very differentnarrative when you read her book
(17:49):
Grace Yourself and really givesyou tools to think how.
Which of these is mostapplicable to me, when do I land
?
And I just think it totallychanges the way that I read this
book and thinking where myareas of not being sober minded.
So to me.
I almost read this whole bookand came out being like, okay, I
(18:10):
think the call is actually tobe sober minded to me, Like
that's what I, oh, that'sbeautiful.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That makes me happy, and my thought did come back to
me that where I was going withthat trailed off.
That was it.
As a young person, I was veryjudgmental and really what that
came down to once I did selfwork was that I was so
judgmental of myself only takesso much on our shoulders and
then it has to spill out ontoother people or events, like
(18:44):
where we're blaming people orevents for things that are
outside of our control.
And so you know, I want tomention it's important why I
call it grace yourself, becausethat that it's much deeper than
it sounds.
Um, yeah, as a young, I wasalways bracing myself like white
(19:04):
knuckling.
I thought I needed disciplineand control, and you do in some
areas.
You do if you want to behealthy and exercise, yes,
discipline's great.
But you can't take all that andapply it to things like alcohol
addiction or these otheraddictions that really have us
trapped.
And so we've got to let go ofsome of the control, admit some
(19:27):
powerlessness and let God thefirst three steps of the 12
steps.
We summarize them in recovery.
As I can't, God can, so let him.
And so, as a young woman, Ididn't understand the concept of
grace, because grace as acontrolling person.
Grace is free.
It's unmerited favor and Ididn't earn it and that didn't
(19:50):
make sense to me.
I thought I needed toeverything about my value and
self worth.
I needed to earn.
So I didn't get the idea that Icould have these things for
free because I thought I had tocontrol my worth.
And we just don't get to dothat.
We don't get to say I'll tellyou if I'm worthy or not,
(20:11):
because in a sense that isanother sense of pride and it is
playing God and saying we knowbetter than God what we're worth
.
So the real theme in every pageof this book is accepting God's
grace on ourselves and knowingthat you know, suck it up.
(20:32):
You don't get to control that,yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, amen, amen to that, and you touched really
beautifully I think you wordedit well in the book a struggle
that I think many of us canresonate with, even if it's not
alcohol, is trying to out workour addiction, or I would take
(20:55):
it so far as to say outwork oursin.
It's like as long as ourintention is right, then our
behavior is justified type of athing.
It's like as long as I have theright intention, I should be
able to you know out, disciplinemy addiction, or outwork my sin
(21:17):
, or, and.
And really what you're sayingis, and what you point out in
your own story is no, actuallyit's this idea of being still
and recognizing I can't, forwhatever reason and whatever
situation we're facing.
It's like, where is that powerin actually finding stillness
(21:40):
and accepting grace?
that is unmerited, which is hard, because then you feel like
well, I didn't earn it, which isa pride thing.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
You just said it beautifully yeah right, if we
can't shit on ourselves, so it'sjust another shit.
I should be able to do this.
No, not with.
Not with some things in life.
Addiction is a beast.
There's a lot of things in lifethat we are not meant to be
able to conquer by ourself,without a community of other
(22:10):
people and without God's help,and some of us need tools to
know.
I used to think I was lettingGod help me, but then, in
recovery, I learned how to letGod help me, and some of us need
those tools.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes, yeah, I just so the time of this recording.
Most of us need those tools.
Yes, yeah, I just so the timeof this recording.
Most of us just watched theEagles crush the Chiefs in the
Superbowl and there was a imagethat went around that I just
thought was really powerful andit was Jalen Hurts kneeling on
the field.
And the quote just says if Ikneel first before God, I can
(22:47):
stand before any man.
And it's just such a beautifulexample of really what you're
saying is this idea of you know,if we really want to stand,
then probably the most effectivething that we need to do is
kneel first.
I love that and you know.
You talk about prayer, you talkabout this idea of coming to the
(23:11):
end of your rope, and I thinkit's a call for all of us in the
areas that we might bestruggling in right now.
What would it look like for us?
We're trying to stand in ourown power, we're trying to make
it happen, we're trying to fixit, figure it out, and maybe the
call is to just kneel and askfor grace, literally grace
(23:32):
yourself through the power ofJesus Christ.
What did that look like for you?
Just tell me briefly how.
Kneeling?
Talk about sobriety, prayer,serenity prayer.
But what did that moment looklike and feel like to you?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
And you were finally like okay, that moment it was a
moment and it was when I foundI'd been trying for 20 something
years to quit drinking on myown, since I started it in high
school.
I was 37.
I looked up online a recoverymeeting, went to the meeting.
It was an all women's meetingand this woman in the group I
knew nobody in recovery.
No one in my family drank.
(24:12):
I knew no one that identifiedas an alcoholic.
I was very confused why Icouldn't figure this thing out,
because I figured a lot of stuffin my life out.
So this woman in the group saidto me it's not your fault, you
have a condition, it's like anallergy, and you never have to
have another drink again.
And that in that moment allthat shame and guilt I've been
(24:34):
carrying flew off my shoulders.
She said stay here with us.
We're going to teach you thesolution to this.
We've been there before.
We know what to do.
And I stayed in that communityand that's when my continuous
sobriety started.
So it was a moment for me and Iknow it's not that way for
everybody.
(24:54):
That's how God did it for me.
I came in and needed to hearyou never have to have another
drink again.
Some people come in and hearyou never get to have another
drink again, and that's good too.
We all come in where we come in.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, there is another point in the book where
you talk about alcohol as liquidpoison and you, you know, again
give grace to everyone'sjourney being a little different
.
You talk about how, foryourself, the wisest course was
just going alcohol free, andI've I mean, it's no secret on
(25:32):
here, I am very much a proponentof everyone being alcohol free
and I'll do my own and I've notdone a live training on that yet
but in individual conversationsthere's a lot of biological
reasons for it to not drinkalcohol.
Just aside from you know theother issues, but there's
actually biologically a lot ofgood reasons to not drink um at
(25:54):
all.
But you talk about somethingthat I thought was really
interesting how, um, it's almostweirder to say no to alcohol,
or almost like harder.
There's more questions aroundthat Um, rather than like no one
(26:15):
questions why you say no tomayonnaise, I think was the
example in the book and um justa funny story.
So I've never liked the taste ofalcohol personally.
It just it never gets down thethroat.
It makes me gag every time and,like I was the, I'm stubborn,
and so for me it was just like,okay, I don't like the taste and
I'm not willing to acquire it.
(26:36):
And I worked in emergencymedicine for 10 years, so I also
had the unique position ofwatching alcohol destroy lives,
of watching alcohol destroylives.
And you also talk about themind's eye of what an alcoholic
(26:57):
looks like like the person withno teeth rotted, wearing rags,
not having bathed, in days whereI saw very functional, high
functioning CEOs down to, youknow, fathers and mothers who
looked just like my parentshaving just destroyed their
lives.
Um so for me it was also likeI'm just not even willing to
(27:20):
acquire the taste for this, orcoffee.
I was like, okay, I alsocouldn't stand the taste of that
either, and I was like I willacquire this for good or for bad
.
Um, but I would love to justhear your honest take on why, in
your experience, alcohol isliquid poison, and I know that
(27:40):
you would not be as adamant tosay, like you know, you should
never drink.
Um, but, in your experience,just give us an honest take on
alcohol that maybe some of uswould not have considered.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, so I want to.
I'll start by saying I'm notanti-alcohol.
My friends drink.
They don't have a problem withit.
My husband I don't gravitatetoward people that are big
drinkers that get drunk, but myhusband I call them normies,
right?
People that can drink alcoholand leave like, have a sip or a
half a drink and leave it there,right, it doesn't ignite this
(28:16):
obsession to have more like itdoes for people like me.
So there is a difference.
And I'm not anti-alcohol.
I say I call it liquid poisonand in the book I want to make
sure it's all in context thatI'm really working to empower
the reader who is like me, to beempowered to know look, if
(28:37):
you're stuck in this snare, thatthere is nothing wrong to
saying no to a liquid poison.
Right, there is.
There is more.
The question I used the exampleis what you're referring to of
my one of my kids is just neverdrank there.
My kids are all.
I have three.
They're all in their twentiesand one of them just never was
(28:58):
interested, went through college.
Everything is just not histhing and, um, you know, back.
It didn't used to be like it isnow where we have mocktails and
people know the harmful effectsand a lot of people are alcohol
free and there's no nothingwrong with that.
It used to be.
(29:20):
When I got sober was like youwere weird if you didn't drink.
So the only reason to not drinkwas you had a problem with it
and there was a stigma attached.
So the only reason to not drinkwas you had a problem with it
and there was a stigma attached.
So with my, our son, you know,the kids at one point were like
don't you think you should tryalcohol?
Kind of kind of like so he'snot weird or so he's socially
accepted in college.
(29:41):
And I said no, like the.
A better question would be whydo people drink, Not?
Why don't you drink when youhave all the information?
And then I quoted that funnyJim Gaffigan skit in the book
about people don't say why don'tyou eat mayonnaise?
Should I go outside and eat themayonnaise?
Like, is there right?
(30:01):
And so just thinking, I thinkit's helpful for the reader who
is like me, who needs help inthat way, who we really can't
drink because it will kill usand we do get this obsession for
more drinks once we've had onesip, which gets.
It's a progressive condition,so that gets worse over time and
it even with age.
(30:22):
Even if you quit drinking for20 years and start drinking
again quit drinking for 20 yearsand start drinking again, it's
going to have progressed so andthat's that is a fact.
So I want to empower thosepeople to know there's there's
nothing wrong with you, that youcan't drink like the next
person, or I should say that youcan't moderate like the next
person.
(30:43):
Because I spent years thinkingsomething was wrong with me.
Am I undisciplined?
I don't have enough willpower,which is was really crazy
thinking, because I have a tonof discipline and willpower.
It's just when it comes tothings like addiction, we can't
apply the same rules to those tothat.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yeah, and thank you for sharing that perspective.
I mean you are speaking to avery specific group of people
who, you are right, have abiological, physiological
response to people, why you are.
And I'm going to also say thenon my end, to the people who
feel the same pressure actuallythey just don't respond
physiologically.
But I mean I have definitelyI've gotten that question so
many times Like people think I'mrecovering, I like a recovering
alcoholic, because I always sayno to alcohol and I just simply
I'm like no, I'm just notwilling to acquire the taste,
you know, and they look at melike I have, which is so great,
that's so great.
(31:53):
You know it's just like I'm notwilling to, and I think so.
Similarly, I think more peopleneed to feel permission, because
it's not the same, and I'mgoing to throw it out that
alcohol as a substance haskilled and destroyed more
people's lives than any othersubstance that we currently have
or ever have.
(32:14):
So you do not have to apologizefor not drinking is where I'm
going with this.
You don't need to apologize ifyou struggled with it or if
you're like me and you justsimply are not willing to
acquire the taste because it'snot even worth the risk.
So I just appreciate you beingso open about sharing your story
(32:35):
, because you mentioned how thepower in sharing stories even if
everyone's story is slightlydifferent, there's pieces that
resonate because we're human andthe core emotions and struggles
are the same.
human and the core emotions andstruggles are the same.
How they play out just mightlook a little different.
So it was just such an honorreading your story.
Where would you want people togo right now to learn more about
(32:58):
you and to follow you?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Well, if it's today, before the 18th, because it's
launch week started today.
Yes, that's true.
Yes, I mean.
Pre-orders this week are soimportant to the message, so you
can go anywhere.
Books are sold online.
Get the book pre-order andthey'll ship at the 18th.
Chrisjansencoachingcom is mywebsite, so all things books are
(33:24):
, everything's updated there,and my coaching services are
there as well too.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Awesome.
We will, of course, have all ofthat linked.
Before we close out, I want toread this part from Chris's book
Grace, yourself, y'all need toget yourselves a copy and get a
copy to give away to somebody aswell.
Grace is yours to embrace themoment you set down your
illusion of control over yourown worth, seeing yourself as
the valuable, bright light youare.
Radiate that light out of yourbody.
(33:54):
Every beam is a ray of worthand value.
Condition this visualizationdaily.
Go, shine and show up for thesober life that you desire.
Let me close us out in prayer.
Lord, I thank you so much forChris.
(34:14):
I pray that you would bless herwork.
I do pray that this book wouldget into the hands of those who
need it.
I pray that you would bepreparing hearts and minds to
read the truth that you wantthem to hear through Chris's
story, through her words, andthat it would make reading the
book that much more powerful andthat much more meaningful.
(34:39):
And, lord, I pray that youwould pave the way for that to
happen.
I do pray your blessing overChris's heart, her home, her
story.
I ask that you would also clearthe path for her to walk
forward and share the messagethat you are calling her to
bring to the world and reallythat we would just feel exhorted
(35:00):
to live sober-minded, to havethe humility to ask for
conviction over the influencesin our lives that are negatively
impacting that and maybe evenkeeping us that light diminished
ultimately, your light at workin us through the power of the
Holy Spirit.
So, lord, I do pray that foryour glory, we would shine with
(35:23):
the incredible influence thatyou have given us as women, and
I thank you so much for Chrisdoing the work that she is In
Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Amen.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.