February 25, 2025 • 35 mins
What if the devices meant to connect us are actually pulling us apart? In this episode, we explore the link between smartphones, sleep, and mental health—especially for teens and moms. With insights from Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation, we highlight the alarming rise in teen anxiety and depression since the smartphone boom.
Discover practical ways to protect your family: phone-free zones, tech curfews, and how moms can model healthy habits to set a powerful example. We’ll guide you in reclaiming rest, strengthening relationships, and shielding sacred family moments from digital distractions.
Revitalize your faith and fitness with a morning routine that does not sacrifice your sleep and does start each day with God's Word and a workout. Join the community today at www.earlymorninghabit.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is a problem, and if we're not crying about it
, then it has not hit us hardenough.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi Rising Stars.
Welcome to today's livetraining and member-only Q&A.
If you are tuning in later onthe Rise Renewed podcast,
welcome, we are so glad that youare here.
Welcome, we are so glad thatyou are here.
(00:35):
Phones are wrecking sleep inteenagers and moms.
Today we're going to talk aboutthe impact and also strategies
to reclaim rest, set boundariesand restore peace.
Did you know?
I did not know this.
Did you know that teen anxietyand depression the rates for
(00:56):
teen anxiety and depression havenearly doubled since the rise
of smartphones and social mediadoubled?
It's an alarming trend with aroot cause that we often
overlook sleep, poor sleep.
Studies have shown that latenight scrolling, the direct
(01:23):
causation of social media toanxiety and depression and lack
of connectedness in real lifeduring the day, is stealing
hours of rest at night,especially from teens, impacting
(01:46):
their mental health in waysthat cannot be ignored.
But here is the kicker Ladies,it's not just affecting them we
as moms.
Per the data, women are caughtin the same trap and what's
really really scary anddisheartening is that, per the
(02:08):
data, even among teens, do youknow who is being more
negatively impacted?
Girls, the future generation,our girls are already now being
significantly more negativelyimpacted.
Anxiety and depression isskyrocketing, and they're the
(02:32):
future moms.
And we get this.
I mean, we tell our kids, wetell our teens to put away their
phones, put away their devices,get some sleep.
Maybe we even tell ourselvesthis, but how often do we still
find ourselves lying in bed,phone in hand scrolling?
Or maybe you're just lying onthe sofa scrolling when you
(02:54):
should be in bed?
It is time to hit pause andwe're going to take an honest
look at how our tech habits asmoms an honest look at how our
tech habits as moms areimpacting our kids.
Even if we don't have teens yet, they will be one day we're
going to look at how our habits,per the data, are affecting our
(03:15):
kids, especially sleepingteenagers, mental health and,
ultimately, connection in ourhomes and outside of them.
As a health coach and mom ofschool-age kids, I mean I have
seen firsthand how phone habitscan disrupt sleep, skyrocket
(03:36):
anxiety and steal our peace,both for our kids, for us and
for peers, kids for us and forpeers.
Today I am drawing from thisbook that I mentioned.
I took the cover off.
Covers annoy me.
I don't know why I always takeall the covers off.
My hardcover books drives myhusband crazy.
They also look so much nicer.
(03:58):
We're drawing from JonathanHaidt's book, the Anxious
Generation.
It is powerful, it's disturbing, it's startling and it is
possibly the most important readfor parents today when it comes
to the future health of ourchildren.
But we're going to uncover alittle bit of the science behind
(04:18):
these trends the data on sleep,in teenagers especially, and
how we can protect our familiesand ourselves from these effects
Really quickly.
We're going to cover theshocking connection between
social media, poor sleep andrising anxiety.
Two practical strategies fromHeights Research to help your
kids avoid these traps.
And then three how we as momscan set the example, learning to
(04:40):
ditch poor phone habits thatare hurting our own well-being
as well.
We're going to create ahealthier digital boundary
framework, reclaim sleep, peaceand connection.
But first let's talk about whatthe poor connections currently
(05:01):
are.
Jonathan Haidt, the wholepremise of his book.
For those of you that have notread the Anxious Generation.
To put it really simply, youwant the bottom line version of
this book, the Cliff Notesversion.
In one sentence, it is that weas parents are overprotecting
(05:22):
our kids in the real world andunderprotecting them on the
virtual one.
Ouch, but the data is provingit to be true.
What he correlates here is howscreen time, phone-based
childhood, is resulting in a lotof negative impact, but one
(05:44):
that I'm especially going tohone in on here is sleep.
For those of you that have donethe early morning habit program
, which is everyone here live,but those of you listening later
on the podcast, for those ofthe ladies who have done the
program, you have heard me talkabout sleep ad nauseum.
It is week two of the program,because before we talk morning,
(06:07):
we have to talk night.
Before I talk about how sleepis the foundation of all health.
Everything flows out of it.
If there is one thing to takeaway from this book, I would
actually suggest it is thenegative impact it's having on
sleep, because it willdetrimentally that correlation
alone is going to negativelyimpact every other area of our
(06:30):
health.
If there is one reason to bereally, really vigilant about
phone activity for us and ourkids, it is the negative impact
on sleep above all else, onsleep above all else.
(06:51):
So here's the toxic combination.
According to data, teens needideally nine hours of sleep a
night.
For adults 21 and older it'seight.
Ideally, teens need no lessthan nine a night to function
optimally here's the reality tofunction optimally.
Here's the reality 73% of teens, that is, seven out of 10
teenagers, the future generation, the workforce that is coming
(07:16):
up through college, futurecollege students, future moms,
future dads seven out of 10 areunder sleeping, not just a
little bit.
The average teen gets just oversix hours of sleep a night.
(07:37):
Guys, that's a problem, andyou're going to hear me say many
times we're the moms.
We have, very arguably, themost influence over these types
of outcomes and we, not we, haveto take ownership of it.
This is far below therecommended amount.
This chronic sleep deprivationis directly linked to rising
(07:59):
rates of anxiety, depression andsuicidal ideation.
For those of you that have yourbook, if you have read it, on
page 125, haidt talks about this.
There was a study done by theAdolescent Brain Cognitive
Development.
It's called the AdolescentBrain Cognitive Development
(08:22):
Study and it scanned the brainsof more than 11,000 nine to 10
year olds back in 2016, and thenfollowed them as they went
through puberty and adolescence.
Hundreds of academic papers perheight have emerged from this
large collaboration, and severalspecifically examine the
effects of sleep deprivation.
(08:43):
In review of this collaboration, a 2020 study found that
greater sleep disturbance andshorter sleep time were directly
associated with depression,increased aggression, increased
lack of impulse control.
(09:04):
Increased lack of impulsecontrol.
In other words, when these kidssleep were shortened, you were
more likely to become depressed,develop behavioral problems.
And guess what?
The effects were larger forgirls.
(09:27):
One experiment found thatadolescents who restricted on
the other side of it, thatrestricted their use of screen
devices after 9 pm on schoolnights for two weeks showed an
increase of total sleep time,earlier sleep onset times and
improved performance on a taskthat required focus and
(09:50):
attention.
And this makes sense, right?
This makes sense.
A heavy use of screen media wasassociated, according to a
study in the UK, with shortersleep duration, longer sleep
latency and more mid-sleepawakenings.
Those sleep disturbances weregreatest for those who were on
(10:10):
social media or who were surfingthe internet in bed.
So we're seeing direct causeand correlation here.
Right Like, this is notwish-washy numbers.
If you were on social media andladies, this goes for us as
well social media before bed,within an hour of bed, you are
more likely to have sleepdisturbances, longer sleep
(10:32):
latency, that's, taking longerto fall asleep and more
mid-sleep awakening, literallydisturbing all the pillars of
sleep.
So not shocking, then, thatthat study shows that
adolescents who put a cap ontheir screen time after 9 pm and
the average American bedtime is11.
That's also a problem, as weall know, but they did sleep
(10:56):
better.
So late night screen timeproblem.
But here's the other issue isthat there is also a mental
health component to social mediain and of itself.
I'm going to actually talkabout that in a different one
because there were so manypoints to also pull out of that
(11:20):
alone the negative impact thatsocial media is having
independently of sleep and inthe other areas of life,
specifically in emotional andmental health.
And again, the impact isgreater for girls.
So we're going to talk aboutthat on a different day.
(11:40):
But just understand it'smultifactorial.
I'm not suggesting the onlyreason that teens are not
sleeping well at night is simplybecause they're on their phones
in bed.
That is not the only reason,but we are specifically talking
about sleep.
So the blue light from thescreen is disrupting melatonin
production, delaying sleep,reducing its quality.
(12:03):
Understanding the mentaladdiction that social media
platforms create and even a lotof internet based apps create.
He talks about this in here.
He goes into that.
I won't dive into all of them,but they are addicting, not just
during the day, but also atnight.
They are designed to keep youscrolling and I will even
(12:25):
suggest some of it is not yourfault.
The way the brain becomes wired, you literally become addicted
to the scroll.
But as everything, we have achoice.
We have a choice to interruptthat and change the narrative.
But understand that some of itwill start to almost become an
addiction that is almost beyondyour capability of talking
(12:47):
yourself out of.
You've got to get really,really vigilant and disciplined
to be able to change it Reallyquick.
Let's talk about how phonehabits are affecting us too as
moms.
It's easy to think of it Forthose that have teens.
I have an almost teen my oldestis 12, but plenty of kids that
(13:09):
I know who are teens.
My husband's a high schoolteacher.
We're certainly not outside ofthe teen world, so it's really
easy to look at it as like ateen problem, especially if you
don't have kids in the phone ageyet.
But also be aware of devices.
By the way, don't forget thedevices.
(13:29):
It is not unusual anymore forthree-year-olds, four-year-olds,
five, six, seven-year-olds tohave tablets about.
In general, when it comes toscreen use and the platforms
(13:50):
that are being used, they're notsocial media.
But his whole point in here isnot just the phones, but it's
devices with unfettered accessto the internet and play For
moms.
60% of adults sleep with theirphone next to their bed.
(14:11):
Adults average y'all have heardme say this before If you've
been through the early morninghabit program, this one this one
actually blows my mind weaverage over three hours of
screen time a day, the majorityof it happening at night.
Now that does include YouTube.
(14:31):
Studies show that phone usebefore bed directly reduces
sleep quality among adults andincreases stress and anxiety
levels.
And, as many of you know whohave already done the early
morning habit program, themajority of adults are also
getting significantly less thaneight hours of sleep.
In fact, I actually think theaverage is about six hours for
(14:54):
adults as well.
So it is easy to fall into thescrolling habit, especially when
, for a lot of women womenespecially social media tends to
become our go-to when we'retired and looking for a mental
escape.
But, as many of us haveexperienced, ironically that
(15:20):
mental escape is leaving us evenmore mentally drained.
If we want our kids to createhealthier digital habits, then
we have got to model them first.
We've got to learn how to setlimits to our screen use, and
(15:41):
especially our phone.
Some practical strategies forreclaiming sleep and
prioritizing rest in your homes.
Number one create a phone-freebedtime routine.
Moms and kids and dads alikephone-free bedtime routine.
(16:08):
I cannot say this or stressthis enough.
Not only just phone-freebedrooms.
Y'all know how I feel aboutscreens of any sort in the
bedroom.
Get it out of the bedroom.
The bedroom should be a placeof rest.
Screens stimulate your brain,don't slow them down, unlike
what you actually think.
(16:31):
But Jonathan Haidt specificallytalks about a practical
application of setting a phonecurfew a minimum of 30 minutes
before bedtime for you and yourchildren.
30 minutes before bedtime.
I would personally say justmake this an hour like.
Just go to an hour.
Set a time where everyone goesphone free in the house.
(16:53):
Maybe an alarm goes off oneveryone's phone at the same
time.
That is indicating it's phonefree time.
We're done.
And then all of the phones, ifthey're not already, go to their
charging stations, their homebase, which is not in bedrooms.
(17:15):
There are two apps that I foundthat can help monitor your
family's screen time and helpyou enforce boundaries.
These two were highlyrecommended.
I have not personally usedeither of these, but one is
called Screen Time, the otherone is called Family Link Screen
(17:36):
Time, family Link.
These help set limits for yourscreen time, as well as actual
time frames for your screen timeas well as actual time frames.
Number two establish phone-freezones.
(18:05):
There need to be places that areprotected from the distraction
that is our phones.
Areas that come to mind wouldbe at the dinner table, as a
family no phones.
Bedtime, the bedtime routine nophones.
Here's a practical applicationthat is sneaky.
But just think over the lastcouple weeks if this has
(18:26):
happened to you.
You keep your phone in yourpocket, you get a notification,
maybe someone calls, you're inyour kid's bedroom, you're
trying to get them wound down,maybe the lights are even off.
And what do we do?
We pull out our phone.
We've just lit up the bedroomwith a very bright blue screen
(18:51):
and then we respond.
If you're like type Ahyperproductive like me, I'm
like I'm just going to respondto this right away.
And now I've just lost a minutenot only of connection with my
kids, but also I've just floodedtheir room with blue light.
I'm now distracted from what Iwas trying to do and maintaining
my kids routine, and I'm alsonow breaking the boundaries of
(19:14):
what I'm hopefully establishingin my home as phone-free zones.
Another consideration here isthat phone-free zones might
include when you are out atother people's homes,
practically speaking, when youkeep a phone on your person.
(19:38):
There is significant data tosuggest how much more difficult
it is for you to be present orconnect.
And let me just read this quickhere from the anxious
generation and see if thisresonates with you.
When teens are within a fewfeet of their friends, their
(20:01):
phone-based childhoods damagethe quality of their time
together.
Ladies, this is not just teens.
Again, think about you and yourgirlfriends, the mom standing
at the school pickup line.
Smartphones grab our attentionso powerfully that if they
merely vibrate in our pocketsfor a tenth of a second, many of
(20:21):
us will interrupt aface-to-face conversation just
in case the phone is bringing usan important update.
We do not usually tell theother person to stop talking.
We just pull out our phone andspend some time pecking at it,
leaving the other person toconclude reasonably, that she is
less important than the latest.
(20:42):
Leaving the other person toconclude reasonably that she is
less important than the latestnotification.
Statistically speaking, peoplereport that when someone else
pulls out a phone or when aphone is merely visible not even
your own phone the quality andintimacy of a social interaction
is reduced.
I think many of us can give anamen to that If we're really
(21:07):
emotionally intelligent and dothe work and feel the
self-awareness in theseconversations and in these
moments.
It is true that when I amtalking to someone and I am
looking in their eye andsomething happens on their phone
and they pull it up to look atit, even if I understand it,
there is an internal sense offeeling that that intimacy has
(21:30):
been reduced, that theconnection has been severed
slightly.
But here's where it really getspersonal.
As moms, a 2014 survey ofchildren ages six to 12
(21:53):
conducted by highlights magazinefound that 62% of children
reported that their parents wereoften distracted when the child
tried to talk with them.
The numbers were even higherfor parents who were younger and
(22:14):
were college educated.
It literally hurts my heart tothink and it like makes me cry
to think about my kids havingthat picture of me that I'm too
distracted for them and I'mguilty of it, which is why I'm
(22:36):
crying, because I know it's true.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
This is a problem, and if we're not crying about it
, then it has not hit us hardenough.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Practical applications for this Keep it
off of your person.
We have to fight because, again, human psychology there is a
part of this that is not yourfault.
It is the way the brain iswired and these platforms are
wired to addict us to them.
(23:13):
But you have to decide if youwill fight it, acknowledge it,
let yourself feel convicted ofit and then do what you need to
do to change.
There's one last study that Iwant to read to help drive what
I'm about to say home.
There was a study done whereresearchers brought college
(23:39):
students into a lab and randomlyassigned them to either one,
leave their bag and phone out inthe entry room of the lab.
Two, keep their phone with themin their pocket or bag, or
three, put their phone on theirdesk next to them.
They then had students completetasks that tested their
(24:03):
intelligence and working memorycapacity.
They found that performance wasbest when phones were left in
the other room and it was at itsworst when phones were visible
with pocketed phones in betweenwere visible.
(24:26):
With pocketed phones in between.
The effect was significantlyworse for heavier phone users.
Practical applications here One,stop wearing them on your
person.
Moms, dads, just in general, weneed to stop keeping them in
our pocket.
I know that the purse has kindof died right.
(24:48):
It's like they've gottensmaller and smaller and smaller.
Once upon a time it was likethe big, massive bag which I
still have, but now it's likewe've really minimized.
Now it's like the slings thatare over the shoulder and it's
like a fanny pack for yourshoulder.
Whoever thought that would becool?
You know what I'm saying?
Like whoever thought wearing afanny pack on your chest would
be cool.
But it is harder in some waysto actually carry purses for
(25:13):
various reasons.
We don't tend to anymore.
But keeping a phone in a bag ora purse when you go to other
people's homes For example, whenyou go out to a restaurant,
keeping it off of your person sothat even if it vibrates, you
are not feeling it.
If you are going to otherpeople's homes or you're within
(25:36):
your home, keep it out of sight.
This seems extraordinary andunnecessary, except for when you
hear the data.
Data doesn't lie.
So even if you feel like you'refine, don't be misled, because
the data is suggesting evenseeing our phones is more
(25:56):
distracting.
So even at home, can you createa phone, a phone home base that
is less visible, especially asyou get into the evening hours
where you really want toprioritize connection.
Don't set the phone on thetable.
Keep it off of the table again,out of sight off of the table.
(26:20):
Out of sight off of the table.
And again, where I'm reallytrying to hone in is any time
that you can keep it off of yourperson and out of sight.
That's the idea.
Other people's homes, yourfriends, kids, friends that come
over that's something we're notthere yet, but we're talking
about.
How do we help even ourchildren be more present with
(26:41):
their friends and learn theseskills young to actually have a
home base for their phones?
They can't I'm not necessarilygoing to control their friends'
phones when they come over, butmy kids can lead by example.
And then when my kids go totheir friends' houses, hopefully
they are learning theseprinciples and keeping their
phones tucked away, creatingdigital boundaries, setting the
(27:10):
example, what we want to see inour children.
We have got to model.
It stinks, but that's thereality.
So if we are not willing to dothe work, then we cannot be
complaining when our phones aredistracting our kids, when
they're addicted, when they'renot sleeping at night and when
(27:30):
that's impacting every otherexperience in our kids' lives,
their schoolwork, theirathletics, their mental,
emotional health.
Hey, we've got to take fullownership.
We are the moms.
Their brains are still rapidlydeveloping and neuronal pathways
are still being fired.
We have no excuse.
(27:50):
We've got to take ownership ofit, starting with our own
bedrooms.
No phones in the bedroom.
No phones in the bedroom.
No screens in the bedroom.
Be hyper protective of yoursleep.
(28:11):
Get an old school alarm clock.
Stop relying on your phone towake you up.
Ladies, if you were in theearly morning habit program and
you have not invested in asunrise alarm yet, I love you
and I'm so glad that you're here, but you need to go do that.
Like yesterday.
No phones in the bedroom.
Lastly, encourage honestconversations about this in your
(28:33):
home.
Great, there's so many thingsthat we've talked about, like
honest conversations with kids.
There's a lot of informationthat we have now that our
parents didn't.
I think in general, ourgeneration is more proactive
about trying to see how our kidsare doing.
Maybe to a fault, jonathanwould probably suggest there's
(28:54):
too much helicopter parentinghappening, but there is
something really powerful abouthaving open, honest
conversations in age-appropriateways with your kids that share
this idea that you're also humanand you want to be a model, but
sometimes you will fail thewhole because I told you to and
(29:16):
then you're not backing it up isa surefire way of breaking
trust with your kids.
So you need to be honest withthem that you are also trying to
establish these habits as well,and that does not matter what
age your kids are there At anyage.
Try to be implementing what youwant to see for them one day,
(29:37):
because if you don't, what youteach them is not going to be
incorrect, but it's going to bevery incomplete and you're going
to lessen your impact if youare not modeling what you teach
them is not going to beincorrect, but it's going to be
very incomplete and you're goingto lessen your impact if you
are not modeling what you areasking them to do.
Reclaiming sleep, thefoundation of all health it is
way more than just feelingrested.
It will improve mental health,emotional health, physical,
(30:01):
spiritual, social.
When we prioritize healthy,digital habits, we will rapidly
improve the space that we needfor true rest and renewal.
This book, jonathan Heights, theAnxious Generation, is a
(30:22):
powerful and, frankly, startlingreminder of the important need
for us, as parents, to takecontrol of this narrative.
We do not have to be slaves toour screens, and neither do our
kids, starts with small,intentional steps, steps that
begin with us.
(30:43):
All right, on that note, let mepray.
Lord, this man, this is hard.
Phones, technology, theinternet.
(31:06):
There are so many beautifulstories that have been written
because of this advancement intechnology.
There are lives that have beendramatically changed for higher
quality of life because of theadvancement in technology that
we have, and I acknowledge that.
But, lord, there is alsoclearly a drastic negative
impact on the quality of ourlives as well, especially when
(31:30):
it comes to our children andsocial media and the fact that
phones are a conduit for thoseinteractions.
Lord, I pray for those of usthat are listening, those of us
that have read this book.
I do pray that we would feelconvicted, that we would feel
convicted to the point where wedo feel like crying, because at
(31:54):
some point, we have toacknowledge that we feel
helpless to be changing it,because, it's true, it feels
overwhelming, it's become asocietal norm and it feels like
what difference can I actuallymake?
And so, lord, I ask that youwould protect us, help us to
feel convicted without feelinghopeless, and help us to fuel
(32:16):
the discipline to be the changein our own hearts and in our own
homes, because there is verypossibly no more influential
person than mom when it comes tochanging the home.
Would you help us to be thechange?
(32:38):
Help us not to point fingers.
Help us to just look at our ownlives and to be the change.
Help us not to point fingers.
Help us to just look at our ownlives and to be the change for
ourselves first, and give uswisdom for our children.
I also pray that you would alsowork in our spouses as well,
that it would be a team effort.
There'd be unity within thehome.
And, lord, just help us to limitour distractions.
(32:59):
As my friend Rory said, satandoes not need to defeat you, he
only needs to distract you, andphones are a distraction.
Lord, protect us, give uswisdom.
Thank you that you holdeverything in your hands,
including the phones, technologyand everything in between.
Lord, we love you.
(33:20):
Go forth with us this week.
Lead us, amen.
This is a problem, and if we're not crying about it
, then it has not hit us hardenough.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi Rising Stars.
Welcome to today's livetraining and member-only Q&A.
If you are tuning in later onthe Rise Renewed podcast,
welcome, we are so glad that youare here.
Welcome, we are so glad thatyou are here.
(00:35):
Phones are wrecking sleep inteenagers and moms.
Today we're going to talk aboutthe impact and also strategies
to reclaim rest, set boundariesand restore peace.
Did you know?
I did not know this.
Did you know that teen anxietyand depression the rates for
(00:56):
teen anxiety and depression havenearly doubled since the rise
of smartphones and social mediadoubled?
It's an alarming trend with aroot cause that we often
overlook sleep, poor sleep.
Studies have shown that latenight scrolling, the direct
(01:23):
causation of social media toanxiety and depression and lack
of connectedness in real lifeduring the day, is stealing
hours of rest at night,especially from teens, impacting
(01:46):
their mental health in waysthat cannot be ignored.
But here is the kicker Ladies,it's not just affecting them we
as moms.
Per the data, women are caughtin the same trap and what's
really really scary anddisheartening is that, per the
(02:08):
data, even among teens, do youknow who is being more
negatively impacted?
Girls, the future generation,our girls are already now being
significantly more negativelyimpacted.
Anxiety and depression isskyrocketing, and they're the
(02:32):
future moms.
And we get this.
I mean, we tell our kids, wetell our teens to put away their
phones, put away their devices,get some sleep.
Maybe we even tell ourselvesthis, but how often do we still
find ourselves lying in bed,phone in hand scrolling?
Or maybe you're just lying onthe sofa scrolling when you
(02:54):
should be in bed?
It is time to hit pause andwe're going to take an honest
look at how our tech habits asmoms an honest look at how our
tech habits as moms areimpacting our kids.
Even if we don't have teens yet, they will be one day we're
going to look at how our habits,per the data, are affecting our
(03:15):
kids, especially sleepingteenagers, mental health and,
ultimately, connection in ourhomes and outside of them.
As a health coach and mom ofschool-age kids, I mean I have
seen firsthand how phone habitscan disrupt sleep, skyrocket
(03:36):
anxiety and steal our peace,both for our kids, for us and
for peers, kids for us and forpeers.
Today I am drawing from thisbook that I mentioned.
I took the cover off.
Covers annoy me.
I don't know why I always takeall the covers off.
My hardcover books drives myhusband crazy.
They also look so much nicer.
(03:58):
We're drawing from JonathanHaidt's book, the Anxious
Generation.
It is powerful, it's disturbing, it's startling and it is
possibly the most important readfor parents today when it comes
to the future health of ourchildren.
But we're going to uncover alittle bit of the science behind
(04:18):
these trends the data on sleep,in teenagers especially, and
how we can protect our familiesand ourselves from these effects
Really quickly.
We're going to cover theshocking connection between
social media, poor sleep andrising anxiety.
Two practical strategies fromHeights Research to help your
kids avoid these traps.
And then three how we as momscan set the example, learning to
(04:40):
ditch poor phone habits thatare hurting our own well-being
as well.
We're going to create ahealthier digital boundary
framework, reclaim sleep, peaceand connection.
But first let's talk about whatthe poor connections currently
(05:01):
are.
Jonathan Haidt, the wholepremise of his book.
For those of you that have notread the Anxious Generation.
To put it really simply, youwant the bottom line version of
this book, the Cliff Notesversion.
In one sentence, it is that weas parents are overprotecting
(05:22):
our kids in the real world andunderprotecting them on the
virtual one.
Ouch, but the data is provingit to be true.
What he correlates here is howscreen time, phone-based
childhood, is resulting in a lotof negative impact, but one
(05:44):
that I'm especially going tohone in on here is sleep.
For those of you that have donethe early morning habit program
, which is everyone here live,but those of you listening later
on the podcast, for those ofthe ladies who have done the
program, you have heard me talkabout sleep ad nauseum.
It is week two of the program,because before we talk morning,
(06:07):
we have to talk night.
Before I talk about how sleepis the foundation of all health.
Everything flows out of it.
If there is one thing to takeaway from this book, I would
actually suggest it is thenegative impact it's having on
sleep, because it willdetrimentally that correlation
alone is going to negativelyimpact every other area of our
(06:30):
health.
If there is one reason to bereally, really vigilant about
phone activity for us and ourkids, it is the negative impact
on sleep above all else, onsleep above all else.
(06:51):
So here's the toxic combination.
According to data, teens needideally nine hours of sleep a
night.
For adults 21 and older it'seight.
Ideally, teens need no lessthan nine a night to function
optimally here's the reality tofunction optimally.
Here's the reality 73% of teens, that is, seven out of 10
teenagers, the future generation, the workforce that is coming
(07:16):
up through college, futurecollege students, future moms,
future dads seven out of 10 areunder sleeping, not just a
little bit.
The average teen gets just oversix hours of sleep a night.
(07:37):
Guys, that's a problem, andyou're going to hear me say many
times we're the moms.
We have, very arguably, themost influence over these types
of outcomes and we, not we, haveto take ownership of it.
This is far below therecommended amount.
This chronic sleep deprivationis directly linked to rising
(07:59):
rates of anxiety, depression andsuicidal ideation.
For those of you that have yourbook, if you have read it, on
page 125, haidt talks about this.
There was a study done by theAdolescent Brain Cognitive
Development.
It's called the AdolescentBrain Cognitive Development
(08:22):
Study and it scanned the brainsof more than 11,000 nine to 10
year olds back in 2016, and thenfollowed them as they went
through puberty and adolescence.
Hundreds of academic papers perheight have emerged from this
large collaboration, and severalspecifically examine the
effects of sleep deprivation.
(08:43):
In review of this collaboration, a 2020 study found that
greater sleep disturbance andshorter sleep time were directly
associated with depression,increased aggression, increased
lack of impulse control.
(09:04):
Increased lack of impulsecontrol.
In other words, when these kidssleep were shortened, you were
more likely to become depressed,develop behavioral problems.
And guess what?
The effects were larger forgirls.
(09:27):
One experiment found thatadolescents who restricted on
the other side of it, thatrestricted their use of screen
devices after 9 pm on schoolnights for two weeks showed an
increase of total sleep time,earlier sleep onset times and
improved performance on a taskthat required focus and
(09:50):
attention.
And this makes sense, right?
This makes sense.
A heavy use of screen media wasassociated, according to a
study in the UK, with shortersleep duration, longer sleep
latency and more mid-sleepawakenings.
Those sleep disturbances weregreatest for those who were on
(10:10):
social media or who were surfingthe internet in bed.
So we're seeing direct causeand correlation here.
Right Like, this is notwish-washy numbers.
If you were on social media andladies, this goes for us as
well social media before bed,within an hour of bed, you are
more likely to have sleepdisturbances, longer sleep
(10:32):
latency, that's, taking longerto fall asleep and more
mid-sleep awakening, literallydisturbing all the pillars of
sleep.
So not shocking, then, thatthat study shows that
adolescents who put a cap ontheir screen time after 9 pm and
the average American bedtime is11.
That's also a problem, as weall know, but they did sleep
(10:56):
better.
So late night screen timeproblem.
But here's the other issue isthat there is also a mental
health component to social mediain and of itself.
I'm going to actually talkabout that in a different one
because there were so manypoints to also pull out of that
(11:20):
alone the negative impact thatsocial media is having
independently of sleep and inthe other areas of life,
specifically in emotional andmental health.
And again, the impact isgreater for girls.
So we're going to talk aboutthat on a different day.
(11:40):
But just understand it'smultifactorial.
I'm not suggesting the onlyreason that teens are not
sleeping well at night is simplybecause they're on their phones
in bed.
That is not the only reason,but we are specifically talking
about sleep.
So the blue light from thescreen is disrupting melatonin
production, delaying sleep,reducing its quality.
(12:03):
Understanding the mentaladdiction that social media
platforms create and even a lotof internet based apps create.
He talks about this in here.
He goes into that.
I won't dive into all of them,but they are addicting, not just
during the day, but also atnight.
They are designed to keep youscrolling and I will even
(12:25):
suggest some of it is not yourfault.
The way the brain becomes wired, you literally become addicted
to the scroll.
But as everything, we have achoice.
We have a choice to interruptthat and change the narrative.
But understand that some of itwill start to almost become an
addiction that is almost beyondyour capability of talking
(12:47):
yourself out of.
You've got to get really,really vigilant and disciplined
to be able to change it Reallyquick.
Let's talk about how phonehabits are affecting us too as
moms.
It's easy to think of it Forthose that have teens.
I have an almost teen my oldestis 12, but plenty of kids that
(13:09):
I know who are teens.
My husband's a high schoolteacher.
We're certainly not outside ofthe teen world, so it's really
easy to look at it as like ateen problem, especially if you
don't have kids in the phone ageyet.
But also be aware of devices.
By the way, don't forget thedevices.
(13:29):
It is not unusual anymore forthree-year-olds, four-year-olds,
five, six, seven-year-olds tohave tablets about.
In general, when it comes toscreen use and the platforms
(13:50):
that are being used, they're notsocial media.
But his whole point in here isnot just the phones, but it's
devices with unfettered accessto the internet and play For
moms.
60% of adults sleep with theirphone next to their bed.
(14:11):
Adults average y'all have heardme say this before If you've
been through the early morninghabit program, this one this one
actually blows my mind weaverage over three hours of
screen time a day, the majorityof it happening at night.
Now that does include YouTube.
(14:31):
Studies show that phone usebefore bed directly reduces
sleep quality among adults andincreases stress and anxiety
levels.
And, as many of you know whohave already done the early
morning habit program, themajority of adults are also
getting significantly less thaneight hours of sleep.
In fact, I actually think theaverage is about six hours for
(14:54):
adults as well.
So it is easy to fall into thescrolling habit, especially when
, for a lot of women womenespecially social media tends to
become our go-to when we'retired and looking for a mental
escape.
But, as many of us haveexperienced, ironically that
(15:20):
mental escape is leaving us evenmore mentally drained.
If we want our kids to createhealthier digital habits, then
we have got to model them first.
We've got to learn how to setlimits to our screen use, and
(15:41):
especially our phone.
Some practical strategies forreclaiming sleep and
prioritizing rest in your homes.
Number one create a phone-freebedtime routine.
Moms and kids and dads alikephone-free bedtime routine.
(16:08):
I cannot say this or stressthis enough.
Not only just phone-freebedrooms.
Y'all know how I feel aboutscreens of any sort in the
bedroom.
Get it out of the bedroom.
The bedroom should be a placeof rest.
Screens stimulate your brain,don't slow them down, unlike
what you actually think.
(16:31):
But Jonathan Haidt specificallytalks about a practical
application of setting a phonecurfew a minimum of 30 minutes
before bedtime for you and yourchildren.
30 minutes before bedtime.
I would personally say justmake this an hour like.
Just go to an hour.
Set a time where everyone goesphone free in the house.
(16:53):
Maybe an alarm goes off oneveryone's phone at the same
time.
That is indicating it's phonefree time.
We're done.
And then all of the phones, ifthey're not already, go to their
charging stations, their homebase, which is not in bedrooms.
(17:15):
There are two apps that I foundthat can help monitor your
family's screen time and helpyou enforce boundaries.
These two were highlyrecommended.
I have not personally usedeither of these, but one is
called Screen Time, the otherone is called Family Link Screen
(17:36):
Time, family Link.
These help set limits for yourscreen time, as well as actual
time frames for your screen timeas well as actual time frames.
Number two establish phone-freezones.
(18:05):
There need to be places that areprotected from the distraction
that is our phones.
Areas that come to mind wouldbe at the dinner table, as a
family no phones.
Bedtime, the bedtime routine nophones.
Here's a practical applicationthat is sneaky.
But just think over the lastcouple weeks if this has
(18:26):
happened to you.
You keep your phone in yourpocket, you get a notification,
maybe someone calls, you're inyour kid's bedroom, you're
trying to get them wound down,maybe the lights are even off.
And what do we do?
We pull out our phone.
We've just lit up the bedroomwith a very bright blue screen
(18:51):
and then we respond.
If you're like type Ahyperproductive like me, I'm
like I'm just going to respondto this right away.
And now I've just lost a minutenot only of connection with my
kids, but also I've just floodedtheir room with blue light.
I'm now distracted from what Iwas trying to do and maintaining
my kids routine, and I'm alsonow breaking the boundaries of
(19:14):
what I'm hopefully establishingin my home as phone-free zones.
Another consideration here isthat phone-free zones might
include when you are out atother people's homes,
practically speaking, when youkeep a phone on your person.
(19:38):
There is significant data tosuggest how much more difficult
it is for you to be present orconnect.
And let me just read this quickhere from the anxious
generation and see if thisresonates with you.
When teens are within a fewfeet of their friends, their
(20:01):
phone-based childhoods damagethe quality of their time
together.
Ladies, this is not just teens.
Again, think about you and yourgirlfriends, the mom standing
at the school pickup line.
Smartphones grab our attentionso powerfully that if they
merely vibrate in our pocketsfor a tenth of a second, many of
(20:21):
us will interrupt aface-to-face conversation just
in case the phone is bringing usan important update.
We do not usually tell theother person to stop talking.
We just pull out our phone andspend some time pecking at it,
leaving the other person toconclude reasonably, that she is
less important than the latest.
(20:42):
Leaving the other person toconclude reasonably that she is
less important than the latestnotification.
Statistically speaking, peoplereport that when someone else
pulls out a phone or when aphone is merely visible not even
your own phone the quality andintimacy of a social interaction
is reduced.
I think many of us can give anamen to that If we're really
(21:07):
emotionally intelligent and dothe work and feel the
self-awareness in theseconversations and in these
moments.
It is true that when I amtalking to someone and I am
looking in their eye andsomething happens on their phone
and they pull it up to look atit, even if I understand it,
there is an internal sense offeeling that that intimacy has
(21:30):
been reduced, that theconnection has been severed
slightly.
But here's where it really getspersonal.
As moms, a 2014 survey ofchildren ages six to 12
(21:53):
conducted by highlights magazinefound that 62% of children
reported that their parents wereoften distracted when the child
tried to talk with them.
The numbers were even higherfor parents who were younger and
(22:14):
were college educated.
It literally hurts my heart tothink and it like makes me cry
to think about my kids havingthat picture of me that I'm too
distracted for them and I'mguilty of it, which is why I'm
(22:36):
crying, because I know it's true.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
This is a problem, and if we're not crying about it
, then it has not hit us hardenough.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Practical applications for this Keep it
off of your person.
We have to fight because, again, human psychology there is a
part of this that is not yourfault.
It is the way the brain iswired and these platforms are
wired to addict us to them.
(23:13):
But you have to decide if youwill fight it, acknowledge it,
let yourself feel convicted ofit and then do what you need to
do to change.
There's one last study that Iwant to read to help drive what
I'm about to say home.
There was a study done whereresearchers brought college
(23:39):
students into a lab and randomlyassigned them to either one,
leave their bag and phone out inthe entry room of the lab.
Two, keep their phone with themin their pocket or bag, or
three, put their phone on theirdesk next to them.
They then had students completetasks that tested their
(24:03):
intelligence and working memorycapacity.
They found that performance wasbest when phones were left in
the other room and it was at itsworst when phones were visible
with pocketed phones in betweenwere visible.
(24:26):
With pocketed phones in between.
The effect was significantlyworse for heavier phone users.
Practical applications here One,stop wearing them on your
person.
Moms, dads, just in general, weneed to stop keeping them in
our pocket.
I know that the purse has kindof died right.
(24:48):
It's like they've gottensmaller and smaller and smaller.
Once upon a time it was likethe big, massive bag which I
still have, but now it's likewe've really minimized.
Now it's like the slings thatare over the shoulder and it's
like a fanny pack for yourshoulder.
Whoever thought that would becool?
You know what I'm saying?
Like whoever thought wearing afanny pack on your chest would
be cool.
But it is harder in some waysto actually carry purses for
(25:13):
various reasons.
We don't tend to anymore.
But keeping a phone in a bag ora purse when you go to other
people's homes For example, whenyou go out to a restaurant,
keeping it off of your person sothat even if it vibrates, you
are not feeling it.
If you are going to otherpeople's homes or you're within
(25:36):
your home, keep it out of sight.
This seems extraordinary andunnecessary, except for when you
hear the data.
Data doesn't lie.
So even if you feel like you'refine, don't be misled, because
the data is suggesting evenseeing our phones is more
(25:56):
distracting.
So even at home, can you createa phone, a phone home base that
is less visible, especially asyou get into the evening hours
where you really want toprioritize connection.
Don't set the phone on thetable.
Keep it off of the table again,out of sight off of the table.
(26:20):
Out of sight off of the table.
And again, where I'm reallytrying to hone in is any time
that you can keep it off of yourperson and out of sight.
That's the idea.
Other people's homes, yourfriends, kids, friends that come
over that's something we're notthere yet, but we're talking
about.
How do we help even ourchildren be more present with
(26:41):
their friends and learn theseskills young to actually have a
home base for their phones?
They can't I'm not necessarilygoing to control their friends'
phones when they come over, butmy kids can lead by example.
And then when my kids go totheir friends' houses, hopefully
they are learning theseprinciples and keeping their
phones tucked away, creatingdigital boundaries, setting the
(27:10):
example, what we want to see inour children.
We have got to model.
It stinks, but that's thereality.
So if we are not willing to dothe work, then we cannot be
complaining when our phones aredistracting our kids, when
they're addicted, when they'renot sleeping at night and when
(27:30):
that's impacting every otherexperience in our kids' lives,
their schoolwork, theirathletics, their mental,
emotional health.
Hey, we've got to take fullownership.
We are the moms.
Their brains are still rapidlydeveloping and neuronal pathways
are still being fired.
We have no excuse.
(27:50):
We've got to take ownership ofit, starting with our own
bedrooms.
No phones in the bedroom.
No phones in the bedroom.
No screens in the bedroom.
Be hyper protective of yoursleep.
(28:11):
Get an old school alarm clock.
Stop relying on your phone towake you up.
Ladies, if you were in theearly morning habit program and
you have not invested in asunrise alarm yet, I love you
and I'm so glad that you're here, but you need to go do that.
Like yesterday.
No phones in the bedroom.
Lastly, encourage honestconversations about this in your
(28:33):
home.
Great, there's so many thingsthat we've talked about, like
honest conversations with kids.
There's a lot of informationthat we have now that our
parents didn't.
I think in general, ourgeneration is more proactive
about trying to see how our kidsare doing.
Maybe to a fault, jonathanwould probably suggest there's
(28:54):
too much helicopter parentinghappening, but there is
something really powerful abouthaving open, honest
conversations in age-appropriateways with your kids that share
this idea that you're also humanand you want to be a model, but
sometimes you will fail thewhole because I told you to and
(29:16):
then you're not backing it up isa surefire way of breaking
trust with your kids.
So you need to be honest withthem that you are also trying to
establish these habits as well,and that does not matter what
age your kids are there At anyage.
Try to be implementing what youwant to see for them one day,
(29:37):
because if you don't, what youteach them is not going to be
incorrect, but it's going to bevery incomplete and you're going
to lessen your impact if youare not modeling what you teach
them is not going to beincorrect, but it's going to be
very incomplete and you're goingto lessen your impact if you
are not modeling what you areasking them to do.
Reclaiming sleep, thefoundation of all health it is
way more than just feelingrested.
It will improve mental health,emotional health, physical,
(30:01):
spiritual, social.
When we prioritize healthy,digital habits, we will rapidly
improve the space that we needfor true rest and renewal.
This book, jonathan Heights, theAnxious Generation, is a
(30:22):
powerful and, frankly, startlingreminder of the important need
for us, as parents, to takecontrol of this narrative.
We do not have to be slaves toour screens, and neither do our
kids, starts with small,intentional steps, steps that
begin with us.
(30:43):
All right, on that note, let mepray.
Lord, this man, this is hard.
Phones, technology, theinternet.
(31:06):
There are so many beautifulstories that have been written
because of this advancement intechnology.
There are lives that have beendramatically changed for higher
quality of life because of theadvancement in technology that
we have, and I acknowledge that.
But, lord, there is alsoclearly a drastic negative
impact on the quality of ourlives as well, especially when
(31:30):
it comes to our children andsocial media and the fact that
phones are a conduit for thoseinteractions.
Lord, I pray for those of usthat are listening, those of us
that have read this book.
I do pray that we would feelconvicted, that we would feel
convicted to the point where wedo feel like crying, because at
(31:54):
some point, we have toacknowledge that we feel
helpless to be changing it,because, it's true, it feels
overwhelming, it's become asocietal norm and it feels like
what difference can I actuallymake?
And so, lord, I ask that youwould protect us, help us to
feel convicted without feelinghopeless, and help us to fuel
(32:16):
the discipline to be the changein our own hearts and in our own
homes, because there is verypossibly no more influential
person than mom when it comes tochanging the home.
Would you help us to be thechange?
(32:38):
Help us not to point fingers.
Help us to just look at our ownlives and to be the change.
Help us not to point fingers.
Help us to just look at our ownlives and to be the change for
ourselves first, and give uswisdom for our children.
I also pray that you would alsowork in our spouses as well,
that it would be a team effort.
There'd be unity within thehome.
And, lord, just help us to limitour distractions.
(32:59):
As my friend Rory said, satandoes not need to defeat you, he
only needs to distract you, andphones are a distraction.
Lord, protect us, give uswisdom.
Thank you that you holdeverything in your hands,
including the phones, technologyand everything in between.
Lord, we love you.
(33:20):
Go forth with us this week.
Lead us, amen.
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