Highly Sensitive Chiropractors: Boundaries, Burnout, and Business with Todd Smith

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Rocket Chiro podcast, a business and marketingpodcast for chiropractors.
My name is Jerry.
I'm a former chiropractor.
I help chiropractors with websites and SEO.
I also do some business and marketing training and I do this little podcast.
Today, Todd is joining me from trueinnerfreedom.com and we're going to have a greatconversation about highly sensitive people and what that means for chiropractors.

(00:25):
Todd, thanks for hanging out with me.
Yeah, I'm so excited to be here.
Thanks, Jerry.
So I will say this before we jump into anything about what we're going to talk about.
This is a lesson for human beings in general.
I do get solicited a lot and I don't have a lot of people on my podcast.
There's there's different reasons for that.
But you had specifically said that in the email when you reached out to me and on top ofit you reached out to me like a normal human being.

(00:52):
And there's so much about that that I just want to applaud you and I haven't said this toyou before we got on here.
I appreciate when people reach out to me that way, because when I see people reach out tome that way, I see a potential for a relationship as opposed to just someone who wants to
be on my podcast.
Yeah, totally.

(01:14):
I'm with you on that.
It's like, let's just be ourselves and connect however we connect or don't connect.
But yeah, it's not about just, yeah, going above and pushing in any way.
Are you now you have your podcast and I know you don't have a lot of people on yours,yours either.
Do you have the third party people getting a hold of you and being like, Hey, here's theformat.

(01:40):
For those of you who don't know the format is hi.
I love your show.
I love especially love mentioned recent episode where you talked about data, data, data.
I think so and so would be a great guest.
for your thing, here's pitch.
Like here's the standard pitch.

(02:00):
Is that not the formula?
Totally, 100%.
Lessons in marketing, not.
All right.
So let's talk about this.
So your specialty is that you work with people that are you, you call them highlysensitive, a highly sensitive person.
And I want you to define that for me.
And then I have some questions and we're going to get into, cause I know a lot ofchiropractors fall into this category because there might be some people pleasing or some

(02:27):
overthinking and some other aspects of what they do that, that affect them in practicethat we're going to get into.
But let's just start off by what does it mean to be a highly sensitive person?
Okay.
Yeah.
Highly sensitive person.
It's a term that got defined in the nineties or so.
Elaine Aaron was the pioneer researcher on that.
And basically it's a, it's a temperament.

(02:50):
It's underneath personality.
It's deeper than personality even.
And it has to do with your ability to process things.
You tend to process things more thoroughly and deeply.
There's more sensitivity to everything, uh internal and external.
more of an emotional kind of quality to yourself.

(03:11):
You're more empathetic naturally.
ah so people who have this trait, and about 20 % of the world's population has it, andit's equally split between men and women, ah people that have this trait need, they can
reach a point of overwhelm quicker than other people, and they can max out their circuitsquicker because they're processing a lot more.

(03:34):
So that's the basic idea.
There's not something you have to correct.
It's not something off, not something wrong.
It's something that you have to be aware of and just live within the limits of that.
Yeah, that's actually interesting because my first thought so when you got a hold of meand I was like, let me check out this guy's website and kind of see what he's about.

(03:55):
My initial feeling was almost like pulling back and we talked about this when we talked onthe phone before we got here is that my initial feeling about it was kind of, you know,
and it's probably because I have been called sensitive at times in my life and it's neverbeen a compliment.
And so there's this aspect of that.

(04:19):
what do you think about that?
Like, it, as far as getting someone to understand that it isn't necessarily a bad thing,it just, is what it is.
Let's kind of work with it.
Like what are the, do you get that a lot with people initially kind of going, I don't evenwant to, I don't want to admit that's me because I don't like the way it feels.
Totally.
Yeah.
And even more so for men, uh, cause sensitivity is definitely not something that we aspireto in a lot of ways, culturally.

(04:44):
Um, but yes, there's a negative connotation.
A lot of times like you're too sensitive.
That's the way you usually hear it.
Why are you so, why are you overreacting too sensitive?
Um, and so a certain amount of that is just understanding your, your nature.
Um, and sensitivity may just be built in, you know, my dad was super sensitive.

(05:05):
and uh he just processed things slowly and was a kind of quiet guy.
um And so that being okay is an important thing of what I like to uh try to understandwith the trade.
But then there's another piece of it, which is an overlay of stress on top of that.
So when you actually have stress, know, trauma, difficulty, overwhelm of different kinds,

(05:31):
it can amplify the sensitivity and a lot of times that's what people refer to when theythink, oh, you're too sensitive.
It's not that your nature is too sensitive.
No, that's fine.
Being super sensitive has a lot of gifts, but if it's a stressed version of that, then nowwe have problems.
Now I can't really function as well and, you know, can't say no, I can't, I'm toosensitive.

(05:57):
So that can be a problem.
So it's finding the difference between what's the underlying nature, which is good, whichis to be lauded, oh and what is the part that could use some work and maybe calm down a
little bit.
So are you, are you, if I'm hearing you right.
So are you saying that someone who's got this temperament, if they are a stressed versionof it, they may be more prone to an outburst of anger, more prone to crying, you know,

(06:26):
like, like sort of the extreme, uh, outbursts of sensitivity would be more likely tohappen on a, on a more frequent basis, maybe even out of disproportion to what actually
has happened because that underlying stress has kind of got them on the edge of those.
Absolutely.
The analogy is of a bucket, right?

(06:46):
Highly sensitive people have a smaller bucket for stress or for all experiences.
People who don't have this trait have a larger bucket so they can keep pouring stress inthere and you don't notice anything, nothing's happening.
But we all have a breaking point.
There's a point where it flows over and we're going to blow or we're going to cry or we'regoing to just retreat or something like that.

(07:08):
um It's just that we hit that point earlier as highly sensitive people and so peoplesometimes judge us as being weak or there's something wrong with you.
It's nothing wrong.
There's a reason for the trait.
It's been observed in over a hundred species actually about 20 % of most species have thistrait because it has advantages.
uh It has advantages for being able to perceive things, perceive danger earlier, be able,it has ability to uh

(07:36):
manage relationships in a community uh in a very effective way when they're not stressed.
So there's a lot of good things that come out of it, but the bucket's smaller.
And so that's, that's where you see the extra, you know, the overstressed experience ofit.
Yeah, and that's actually something that we'll probably talk about here later as far aschiropractors go because one of things I've said about being a chiropractor is it's, it's

(08:00):
just about one of the most high touch jobs that I can think of.
You are.
helping people who are in pain by physically putting your hands on them.
In most cases, it is a very, very high touch.
You're dealing with human beings.
That's part of the reason honestly, that it was overwhelmed a little bit kind ofoverwhelming and maybe not even a great fit for me because it's like, I get so exhausted

(08:22):
by like human interaction.
And when you do chiropractic well, you're kind of damning yourself to a massive amount ofhuman interaction.
And but I could actually see how
what you're talking about.
It's like, if you're more sensitive, if you are, this could ultimately be a superpower,where you're relationally, like people are connected to you on a level that they're just

(08:47):
not going to be connected to someone who's more mechanical, or maybe less emotional andhow they approach you as a human being.
That's exactly it.
Like the ability to connect deeply, to think deeply and to uh find effective solutions.
uh This is like the wheelhouse of a highly sensitive person.

(09:07):
And these skills are brought into play involuntarily in every interaction.
So when you have multiple interactions, it can be too much really quickly.
Now tell me this, like you said something interesting when we talked on the phone, becauseI would assume that
the the Venn diagram of highly sensitive people and introverts is basically a circle whereit's like it's kind of like you're talking about the same person.

(09:31):
And you told me that there's a percentage of highly sensitive people that are extroverts,which blew my mind, like my immediately thought my immediate thought and this was my joke
was that sounds like someone who is sprinting into a thorn bush, like it's someone who isjust they have their daughters running into trouble.

(09:52):
But tell me the difference
between a highly sensitive person and an introvert, like what those differences are andtalk a little bit about that, that I don't want to say weird because I don't want to put
it out there, but talk about that dynamic of being an extrovert and highly sensitiveperson also.
Yeah, it's a great question.
It's a great nuance that helps understand what the trade actually is.

(10:12):
It's about 30 % of highly sensitive people are extrovert and the rest 70 % are introvert.
And so it means that you don't have to be an introvert to be highly sensitive.
It just means that you still process things deeply.
You still are aware of your environment and you're empathetic, but you're in the extrovertmore of an extrovert person.

(10:35):
Um, so, you know, the difference, I'm trying to put my finger on it.
The difference, uh, experientially is that someone who's an extrovert, they feelcomfortable with other people.
They feel at home, like at ease, like talking, like they enjoy all that, but they're stillgoing to be processing things quite a lot, uh, more than another extrovert who wasn't

(10:56):
highly sensitive.
So again, their limit is going to be earlier.
Like they're at the party, they're having a great time.
they're gonna have to leave the party or at least have a break from the party a littlemore quickly than uh the average person.
Whereas the introvert version of a highly sensitive person might not even make it to theparty.
They just may not even show up.

(11:18):
I can't tell you how many networking events as a chiropractor where I did not make it inthe door.
Like I just, I just, and I actually tell my introvert chiropractors that I talked to youbecause one, I tell them the same thing sort of similar to what you're saying is I say,
listen, like, don't, don't fight the fact that that's what, you are.
You have to figure out how to manage it.

(11:39):
And, uh, I tell my introvert chiropractors, like sometimes, sometimes getting dressed andgetting in the car and heading that way is a win.
And what you don't want to do is next time you decide to go to that particular thing, youcan't stop where you stopped before, because then you never, you never grow.
So if you drove halfway there and then you turned around and came back, like maybe nexttime get to the parking lot, you know, maybe next time get your hand to like, you just

(12:03):
have to, you have to be taking a little bit of ground every time.
Otherwise you don't ever.
Otherwise you let the introvert nature take over and conquer you as opposed to workingwith it.
That's right.
but, giving yourself permission to do things in a different way than like an extrovertwould just like, they would show up, throw the door open, start throwing around cards and

(12:23):
high five and strangers.
that's like, that's obviously not going to be what an introvert is going to do.
Great, yeah.
And you have to play to your strengths.
know, like introvert, um and again, highly sensitive people, but especially introverts aregonna do really well one-on-one.
And so if you have a profession or if you're doing something where you're interacting withpeople one-on-one, that's gonna play to your strength and it's gonna be something you're

(12:47):
probably more comfortable with than doing something in a large crowded type ofenvironment.
So.
One of the things that helped me understand that I was actually an introvert was whensomeone described it as not, it's not what your skills are and not what you can and can't
do or not what you can force yourself to do or whatever.

(13:08):
The thing it was, what gives you energy?
It's like if, if being around people, even though, even if you could do it well, likebeing around people just sucks the life out of you, then you're more of an introvert.
And if it's energizes you or just like, let's do it again, you know, like that sort ofthing, you're more of an extrovert.
Is there an energy?
kind of giving and taking element that sort of identifies a uh highly sensitive person oris that something that's just more for introverts and extroverts?

(13:37):
I think that's more introverts and extroverts.
know, the more the defining factor is how you process information.
Like I like to say that, you know, the average person, if you look at numbers, they'll seethe number one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, between one and 10,
the highly sensitive person may be picking up on 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, and they may be thinkingabout the connection between 1.2 and 2.4, you know, like they're making relations within

(14:06):
that.
And so that's what I mean by extra processing.
um And that's what takes up the extra bandwidth.
But in terms of like, just the experience, the comfort level, what brings you energy, Ithink that's more of an introvert, extrovert oh experience.
come a point where like thinking becomes overthinking?
I mean, is there, is there like an identifying point where you're just like, because like,I, I think about things probably way too much.

(14:33):
But there does come a point where I'm, I'm just aware of myself enough to know that I'mjust procrastinating out of fear.
Like there's, you know what I mean?
Like there comes a point where it's like, this doesn't need to be thought about anymore.
Like I need to start doing something like, is there some, like, is there some way to sortof know where that point is or is it an individual thing?
Like what kind of talk a little bit about overthinking.

(14:55):
Yeah, I think the, the, I like to think of the main feedback mechanism we have is stressactually.
So it's like an alarm clock.
When you start feeling the stress coming in, then it's like, wait a minute.
I think I'm, I'm maybe going beyond what's just my normal processing.
If it's not feeling stressful, then where's the problem.

(15:15):
But if I'm going past a point, I'm kind of caught in a loop or it's just circular in someway and it's not going anywhere.
like stuck thinking.
Yeah, okay.
That makes sense.
So, specifically with chiropractors, one of the things that I thought of withchiropractors when we talk, we're talking about this personality, not personality, but

(15:42):
this like trait of a highly sensitive person.
One of the things I thought about immediately, and I think you had even mentioned this inyour email is about being nice.
Mm-hmm.
And I think a lot of chiropractors, because they genuinely care about people, it's they,they care about people.
It comes from a good place.

(16:02):
They start prioritizing being nice above perhaps their family.
Cause it's like they're there.
When I say being nice, they're being nice to the patients, you know, they're being nice tothe
the people in the community, whatever.
So it's like sometimes being nice ends up, end up sacrificing the people that are close tothem or they end up sacrificing their own health and wellbeing and whatever.
like it is, how does that kind of play in as this, this trait?

(16:29):
I'm assuming this is one of the traits of a highly sensitive person is they can kind offall in this pattern of trying to be too nice to their own detriment.
It's not a part of the actual trait, but it's a tendency.
It's an easy trap for highly sensitive people to fall into.
A balanced, highly sensitive person can be aware of other people's needs and doing theirbest to serve them and aware of their own needs and maintaining a balance between the two.

(16:56):
That's totally possible.
And that's kind of the balanced state.
But when stress comes in and that can come from anything,
from overload to old wounds and things like that, then a certain kind of thinking can getin there where it's like other people are more important than me.
And we have a lot of things to support that, like it's good to give and it can be selfishto take care of yourself.

(17:23):
And we can start buying into these and abusing the ideas that are actually meant to begood, right?
To help us be good people.
But we can take them to an extreme and start serving other people to our own detriment orto the detriment of our own families.
And then, uh, and then it steps out of balance.
So yeah.

(17:45):
How does someone in a situation like that that is sensitive, how do they identify thatsomeone's taking advantage of them?
Yeah, this is a very, it takes awareness to do this.
ah It's about noticing your own inner experience.
And unfortunately, life tends to point us outward from the time we were young and it justkeeps on pointing us outward.

(18:11):
And sometimes we're not used to looking in and asking what does that feel like to me?
Does that feel?
right or does that feel balanced?
And we often override even if we do notice that and just keep on going with taking care ofother people.
For me, I think it comes from a fear of some kind of reaction in the other person.

(18:34):
And so we're actually kind of guard railing and preventing some kind of negative reactioncoming from someone else.
And as a result, we don't pay attention to the natural uh observation inside of ourselvesthat
this doesn't feel quite right.
Like this, this isn't exactly what I was wanting or I'm not getting anything out of this.

(18:54):
Like, why am I continuing it?
Like those little bubbles, they pop up from inside, but we often ignore them because ofthe fear of that person is going to not like me if I, uh, if I changed the direction.
Yeah, there's a, one of the comments that I've made a lot is, being out of exchange.
used to talk about this with patients and, I completely understand that within the contextof a relationship, whether it's a chiropractic and a patient, whether it's your spouse,

(19:22):
whether it's you and your kids, there's always going to be times where you're out ofexchange.
you can't, life's never going to be even and fair all the time.
there's going to be times where you're giving more than you're getting.
But if you find yourself out of exchange long enough in the same situation, personally, Ifeel resentment that rises up within me.

(19:45):
Like something that I, when you, when you say like, what is my internal thing going on?
One of the alarms in my personal being, if I'm like working with a client and they'rejust, they're
they're overstepping, they're asking too much, and I'm trying to like just avoid having anugly conversation or I don't want to offend them or I don't want to like whatever,

(20:06):
whatever that thing is.
If it keeps happening, I can feel myself getting resentful.
And the way that manifests is if that client texts me, I go, or if like that person's onthe schedule, I go.
Like, and it's, it's that.

(20:27):
so those are the signs for me.
Like, is there anything kind of like that?
Or is that that's sort of what you're talking about?
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
And my version of that also is then I'll start delaying replying to that person.
It's like, why am I putting that to the bottom of the list?
I have all these emails, I quickly go to that one and I completely ignore the other andit's because it's uncomfortable.

(20:52):
just don't wanna go there.
So yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
No, I'm good, I'm good, yeah.
I told one of my clients, and I, like I said, I wouldn't even wear this term, but hedefinitely falls into this category where he was telling me that he started doing online
scheduling.

(21:13):
And he was a solo practice.
was a micro practice.
was just him like him.
had no staff.
And it's really important when chiropractors are doing micro practices and practice themby themselves, like use the technology that's available to you to help you leverage your
time.
So online scheduling is one of those things.
Like even texting patients, it's like, if you're going to get on the phone with someone,it's going to take 10 minutes or you can text them and it's going to take 30 seconds.

(21:36):
Text your patients, have them text you like don't.
And so he was wanting to transition from using the phone and using, he was schedulingpeople himself to using the online scheduler.
And he told me, he said, uh, his new people were on board with it because they're, they'rebeing onboarded that way.
But some of his existing patients were still calling him to schedule appointments.

(21:59):
He's like, I don't know what to do.
And I was like, are you answering the phone?
And he's like, well, yeah.
And like, are you scheduling them?
And he's like, yeah.
I'm like, bro, I don't know what to tell you.
It's like, you're like, you're not, you're not giving them a reason to do.

(22:20):
said, what you, I, and he, was so blown away by that concept.
And I said, listen, I'm not saying be rude, but don't answer the phone.
And when they call, send them a quick text and say, Hey, sorry, I'm with another patientor sorry, I didn't get to your call.
If you want to schedule quickly, go online and use our new online scheduler.
Totally.

(22:40):
Yeah.
Like the action.
he's like, what?
I'm like, just, it's like stop letting people take, and I don't think they were takenadvantage of them.
They were just doing the thing that they had always done.
And he hadn't, he was avoiding the tension or the potential tension of telling them to dosomething different.

(23:01):
Yeah, exactly.
A lot of times we think people are taking advantage of us, but we're not actually takingthe action to let them know that this is just a hard, you know, stop here and there's
another way and, and please, please go there.
Uh, so that's tough, right?
Because it means that you have to be, you have to be walking your talk and you have to bereally, um, standing up for yourself in a way.

(23:25):
That is a thousand percent accurate and, important thing for chiropractors is I is goodpatients are not, they don't walk in your door.
They're made.
And, and now there are some people that don't care.
They, they don't care.
They're going to take advantage of you and they're going to take advantage of the nextperson.
But a lot of people, when you don't set the boundaries, and this is something that's soimportant when you're dealing with people is you have to understand that you're in a

(23:53):
leadership role.
And I know that chiropractic is a participation sport.
You know, it's like people have to agree to come in and they have to agree to go to theirappointments.
They have to agree to let you work on.
I understand all of that, but you're in a leadership position.
And if you don't tell them what the hours are, if you don't tell them how to schedule, ifyou don't tell them how to cancel an appointment, if you don't tell them what the

(24:15):
consequences are for this and that, if you don't do that, they can't read your mind and.
If you make the mistake of thinking that boundaries and structure are mean, and we're kindof a back to the original thing where it's like we're being nice, you're going to have
people that feel like they're disrespecting you.

(24:38):
And they're not, they're just doing whatever they think they're supposed to be doing.
That's right.
Yeah.
I mean, really you can turn it around and it's really what's happening is I'mdisrespecting myself.
That's what's really going on by not honoring what it is that I value and not sticking towhat I actually believe in and communicating that.

(24:58):
And it's not easy, but it develops with practice.
That's the cool thing.
It's like, once I realized that I'm, I'm not a victim of them, but I'm actually in thecontrol seat and can set this up any way I want.
And then if you can follow through on that, it can make a huge difference in your stresslevel.

(25:19):
And I think that's especially important when you have a family.
Like if you're a single dude, you got no kids, you got nothing else to do, then the onlyperson you're wrecking, like the only life you're wrecking is your own.
Yeah.
But when you're doing this and you have a family and it's like, told your wife, you go tothe farmer's market on Saturday morning.
And instead you're going to see a patient that.
You know, text you on Friday night asking if you would come in, you know, it's like,people don't often realize that when they say yes to something, they're saying no to

(25:48):
something else.
Like you can't be in two places at once.
You can't spend time with two people at, uh know, two different groups of people at thesame time.
Like you can't do this.
And so oftentimes when we're being nice.
we're to one person we're being not nice to the people that are most important to us.
Yeah, that's huge.
A yes to you may be a no to me.

(26:08):
um And inversely, a no to you is also could be a yes to me or a yes to my family.
And I think it's really important to look at the big picture, not just, um you know,whatever came down the pipes next, like somebody texts me at 11 o'clock at night and like,
Hey, can you can you do a chiropractic adjustment for me before midnight?

(26:29):
Oh, sure.
Jump on in.
That's like reactive as opposed to
figuring out what it is that you, how you wanna serve, what your limits are, and how it'sgonna balance in with the rest of your life, then seeing who can fit inside of that and
not being everything for everyone.
I've met, um, especially when I was younger and I was doing like the seminar circuit andkind of doing business and marketing stuff.

(26:55):
And I was trying to kind of figure out how to get my feet underneath me as a newchiropractor.
Um, I had met quite a few chiropractors that had a successful practice and an unsuccessfullife.
And
I was aware of that.
Now, unfortunately, I made some of those same mistakes when I was in practice, I did notdo a good job of balancing my family and balancing my practice, which is part of the

(27:18):
reason not the only reason, but part of the reason that I was divorced.
And so the, if I'm just being 100 % transparent, when I talk about these things, I talkedfrom a place of mistakes and errors and saying, look, I don't think I did a great job
with, with balancing.
I don't even know if there's such a thing as balancing.
work in life.
you're when you're when you're working, you should be working.

(27:40):
And when you're doing life, you should be doing life and they interfere with each other.
don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what that even means.
It's just when you're doing the one you're not doing the other and they aren't helpingeach other out.
So um but I did the one to the detriment of the other thinking that providing for myfamily was the only thing that was are the most important thing above the time.

(28:06):
and the emotional investment and the relationship itself and things of that nature.
And I think that you can fall into that because you're trying to be nice, or you're tryingto not bother people or you're trying to help people because that's what we do as
chiropractors.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's, it's a mindset that we can get into and it's very easy to get into of this identityof being nice and then, uh, and then trying to go overboard to take care of the other

(28:32):
person to the detriment of ourselves.
so one of the ways you can combat that is to notice your, thoughts that you're believingabout the other person or about what your duties are or what you think should, you should
be doing.
and question those.
And that's kind of what I do professionally is like, we'll actually, actually look at thethought, you know, like, I need to uh be available at this time.

(28:59):
And then is it true?
Like really go through and start to question it and see if if then another way of seeingthat could be truer.
That's such an interesting thing.
And I think it's probably something that we don't do as human beings.
And you could probably testify to this more than I, than I can is the idea of questioningour own beliefs.

(29:19):
Like the things you say about yourself and the things you say about life.
Have you ever stopped and questioned those, especially the ones that are, that are causingyou problems and
That, that right there is, mean that I am, I love that.
I love doing that.
That's really, I, there's a way that I do that particular in particular.

(29:43):
And I got training in this, it's called the work of Byron Katie.
And if you've ever, you may have heard of her, but this is a way of questioning astressful thought.
And it's this little four questions and turnarounds.
And it can blow your mind sometimes just to ask yourself, like, is that really true?
And who would I be without that thought?
And could the opposite be true?

(30:04):
And it's like, it's this little way of getting out of this headlong into other people'sbusiness and getting lost over there.
And it's like bringing yourself back home.
So yeah, I love that kind of approach and I find it to be super effective and not justsomething intellectual.
but something experiential, because you're dealing with real situations.

(30:27):
And uh it has made a huge difference in my experience with it.
That's actually something that I mean, I have, I've not had any formal training withanything like that, but I have found myself in kind of a mentor position.
Sometimes like I do have, I don't do it a lot, but I do have some chiropractors that'llcall me on a, a monthly basis and sort of check in and I'm sort of a, uh, a second, you

(30:50):
know, set of ears in their life, uh, because it can be a lonely place when you'repracticing and you don't have anybody to talk to and bounce your ideas off of and stuff.
So I served that purpose for some chiropractors.
And I do find myself sometimes when somebody says something, I just ask them like, who,who told you that?
Like who told you, like who told you that that was the only way to do that?

(31:12):
Like who told, cause they can be so frustrated about something that is just this, like whyhave you never questioned that?
Like what, that that's the only way that can be done.
And sometimes just giving them permission to do it differently.
It's like, you could almost see a weight being lifted off someone's shoulders.

(31:32):
And it's like, and I think to myself, like, why did you need me to tell you that?
Like, I don't get it.
And they'll be so thankful for the conversation.
I'm sitting there going, but then I know, like 100 % know that in my own life, I got theseown baggages that I'm carrying.
that I assume or that I think that are just weighing me down.

(31:52):
And it would probably be helpful if somebody told me that I didn't need to think that way.
just we don't see them because we're using them like that.
We're using them to build all kinds of structures and everything.
But the basis is completely off, you know, like one of my favorites is I need you to likeme.
Is that really true?
Like, how long have you been believing that and like, how is that affecting how you sayno, or how you stand up for yourself or how you enforce your own uh desires and structure

(32:21):
your life?
I think that's especially true with parenting.
I have, I'm not gonna say, I won't say too much in depth because I don't wanna like justturn this into like pointing fingers in my own life.
But my kids liking me is optional at this point.
ah I want them to, I think that'd be great.

(32:41):
But I have been very willing to tell my kids the truth ah regardless of whether they likeit or not.
And regardless of whether their mom liked it or not.
And, uh, it's, uh, at sometimes it causes problems because, because, there's, there can bean interest in being liked more than being a good parent.

(33:05):
And, I think it's true for patients.
It's true for.
being a spouse, I probably fall more into that pattern of as a spouse, I probably makethat mistake.
I probably make that mistake as a spouse more than a parent.
Like I'm pretty good as a parent where I'm like, I don't care if my kids like me, but Ireally care if my wife likes me.
I want her to admire me and so like I probably don't do that well.

(33:27):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's, it's, it's a tough one.
But I remember realizing at some point, because I have tendency, it's hard for me to sayno sometimes, or hard for me to say something someone doesn't want to hear.
And then I was so concerned that they really like it or be okay with what I said that Iwould water down what I was saying so much that like, they just didn't even, didn't even

(33:52):
understand that it was a no, first of all, or that it just was completely ineffective.
And I remember realizing at some point uh that them being upset by what I said was like asuccess.
Like I should mark that as like a score.
I actually communicated what I was trying to say instead of having them be like all cooland, you know, happy about it.

(34:15):
Can I tell you something I do?
this this'll I this this may help somebody else.
It may not.
It just may be a funny thing.
uh My mouth will say the words that that I think need to be said for someone to like meand my face and body language will identify that I don't really agree with what I just

(34:35):
said.
So it'll be like, yeah, I'll do that.
Right.
And you're wanting them to read your body language.
Because I'm like, everything about me is saying, No, I do not want to do this.
This is a terrible idea.
I want to go do something else.
And I'll be like, Yeah, sure.

(34:55):
Yes, my god, totally.
So this is what, if this is what being nice is, then I want a little less of that in mylife and a little more of being not nice and being in alignment with what's inside of me,
which is actually a gift to other people because now we can actually connect person toperson instead of facade to person, which is what I was doing when I was saying one thing

(35:20):
and meaning another.
Yeah, I think it's probably really helpful for people to set.
core values and set boundaries for your life before you find yourself into thesesituations.
Because if you're making decisions and kind of setting boundaries and doing stuff kind ofon a whim, like it's, it's, I don't think that's a great way to go about doing things.
And being someone who my natural tendency is to fly by the seat of my pants.

(35:44):
Like I tend to be less structured, but I learned when I was in practice that if you'rechoosing to live life and do practice and do things, not structured, you're limiting what
you can do.
Like the.
the structure and the boundaries essentially are like the guard rails on a racetrack.
it's like, once you've defined the racetrack, now you can see how fast and how good likehow awesome can I be at this defined track where you can't do that if you don't define

(36:10):
things.
when you're in a situation where you're dealing with whether it's your spouse, your kids,your, your patients or whatever, I think it is important that you sit down at some point.
The, uh especially us who'd like to overthink.
like, we'll enjoy this part.
It's like, just think about like, what are your core values?
Like what, you know, I had a friend of mine, he, he did some business and marketingcoaching and it's kind of some life coaching type stuff.

(36:35):
And he asked me one time, he said, I want you to take out a piece of paper.
He's like, draw a tombstone on it.
Um, he said, put your, your birthday, the day you think you're going to die, which whoknows you just throw a random number.
He's like, and then write on it what you want it to say.
And this is when I was still in practice and I wrote out some things and I looked at itand I realized that I was not spending my life doing the things that I wanted to be said

(37:01):
about me.
Like I wanted to be a good dad.
wanted it to be a good husband.
wanted to be a good friend.
I didn't put anything on there about being a successful chiropractor and making a bunch ofmoney.
And it was a very eyeopening experience for me to say.
Let's stop and really define what are my core values?
Like who do I want to be?
And then, then when you get like, when you're worried about being nice and being not nice,you can kind of default to what you've kind of, the parameters you've set for your own

(37:28):
life.
Yeah, I think that's huge.
And that's something, yeah, you can do in your quiet moments and then start creating astructure for that.
And then within that structure, then you can be spontaneous and, you know, like totallyfree form, but you know, you're within a certain boundary of where you actually want to be
on a big level.

(37:51):
So we've kind of alluded to this already a little bit, but, um, could you talk just alittle bit about, um, how this avoiding conflict does affect the long-term relationship?
I know we kind of touched on it, but it's like, I wanted to specifically talk about it asfar as like, whether you're dealing with patients or dealing with people or whatever, like

(38:12):
this whole thing of like wanting to be nice or trying to avoid conflict.
Like in the moment it can be like, that's, this is great.
but long term, like what does this do to relationships?
Yeah.
Well, first of all, there's a lack of connection, like a genuine feeling of connectionbecause you're not satisfied.

(38:33):
You're feeling resentful and that shows up in subtle ways that build over time and canbreak out and cause, you know, ruptures in the relationships themselves.
Um, I think when you're, when you're not being yourself or not having boundaries,

(38:55):
The other thing that can happen is that you get pulled along in a direction that you don'twant to go.
And then it starts to be really, at first you're like, I'll go along.
I can go along and I can adjust and everything.
But pretty soon you're stuck in that.
And then pretty soon you're like, well, if I tell them now that I don't want that, now Ihave to admit that I didn't say it earlier and I was kind of lying.

(39:17):
I mean, it gets complicated.
So can get, you can get really wedged into a corner ah that doesn't
align with where you wanted to be at the end of your life, right?
When you look back and say, yeah, I did all these things.
It's like, I spent my life uh a slave to something rather than creating what I wanted tocreate.

(39:38):
So I think that's the biggest danger, but I think it affects day to day your interactionswith people because you don't want to return their emails.
You don't want to say, uh connect with them again.
You're actually avoiding them in a way.
And that's not a fun way to live.
Something I've said to people in the past is that I don't believe in big mistakes.

(40:00):
I think that big mistakes are just little mistakes that are made over and over again untilyou find yourself at the place you said you would never be.
And I think it's probably true if you flip it around to like good habits as well.
Where it's like, sometimes it's easy to look ahead and be like, I want to be a great dador I want to be a great husband.
I want to make a million dollars, whatever.
Like I want to have a big, huge successful practice.

(40:23):
And sometimes it's easy to see that big thing, but we don't like bring it back to like,what is the habit today?
Like what's the decision today?
What's the yes.
And what's the no that I need to do today.
In spite of whether it feels nice or not in the moment, but like, is the thing I havedecision I have to make today?
That's going to take me in that direction.

(40:44):
Because if you keep making a bunch of little decisions, um, that are taking you in thedirection you don't want to go, you're going to end up where you never wanted to be.
That's right.
And so I think it's like, as you listen more to yourself, which is something that is worthpaying attention to, you will start noticing that you have preferences.
You do want to do this and you don't want to do that.

(41:05):
And it's not a have to, it's not black and white, but there's a preference there.
And if you're paying attention to it, you can make small decisions that move in thedirection of that preference and away from something else.
And I find that that's kind of new.
in my adult life.
Like I didn't grow up being able to check in with myself and find out what I actuallythink or what I actually want.

(41:28):
I didn't even have, I didn't allow myself to even have opinions in a way.
I didn't even know what kind of music I liked or what my favorite color was.
It took me a long time to kind of find those things.
so paying attention to that and then acting on that, these are, they're small things.
Like just this week, I, uh
let go an associate that's been working with me for last year.

(41:51):
And uh she's amazing.
I loved her and there was so many things that worked, but I just kept feeling like therewas some slight difference in how she could serve the people that I want to serve, uh
highly sensitive people that was just not a hundred percent there.
And so I had to, I listened to that little quiet, it's not quite a yes.

(42:14):
and I decided to act on it and yeah, it's scary, but now I feel like, okay, now I acted onthat and it gives you a certain amount of confidence as well.
I think it's super important to be honest with yourself.
Like it's because I mean, I do believe I do believe in right and wrong, but I thinkthere's that's there's like a small percentage of things that are fall in the category of

(42:38):
right and wrong.
And there's a whole bunch of gray.
And so when we have preferences and we're not talking about right and wrong, we're nottalking about evil and good.
We're not talking about those things.
We're just talking about a preference.
If you're not honest with yourself.
It's gonna be a long life.
It's a long unhappy life because you're not being honest with yourself.

(43:00):
If you like blue and everybody else likes red, then whatever.
you're, you know what I mean?
If you like, you know, my wife hates ah cheap food, not cheap food, but just like.
like fast food, junk food, stuff like that.
I have a very high tolerance for it.
I don't know I've ever been to a fast food place that I didn't like.
Now I choose not to eat it because I don't want to be the person who eats fast food allthe time.

(43:24):
But if I had to go to McDonald's, am I going to be upset about it?
Nope, I'm not.
And so it's one of those things that it's like, you know, even like being an introvert,being a highly sensitive person, it's like, let's just be honest with what's going on and
then go from there.
Because if you're going to be dishonest with yourself, how do you expect anything to gothe way you're hoping it to go if you're starting from a place of dishonesty?

(43:49):
That's right.
Like we want other people to respect us, but if we are not respecting our own inner quietparts of ourselves, then how the heck are we going to expect others to?
They're just going to follow suit.
Like, he doesn't really care.
He'll he likes red as well as blue.
So we'll just, you know, mix it up for him instead of just being really clear.
And it's not about, like you say, right or wrong or good and evil.

(44:12):
some of those things are just clear cut, but there's a huge area where,
There's room for creative expression, preference, natural interests.
And if I'm not following those, I can end up feeling like I'm doing time somewhere in anarea that I don't really wanna be doing time in.
I'll give you a really simple example, which doesn't apply to anything we've talked about,uh my brother is a, uh we're both car guys.

(44:40):
like, we're both car guys, but he, likes muscle cars, V8s, American engine, like manlystuff.
And he likes big trucks and stuff like that.
And
I like Japanese cars.
It's like he calls them rice burners, you know, and it's like he makes fun of them.
And it's like, I, I like Japanese cars.

(45:01):
And I like he has this big huge truck.
It was my dad's truck before he passed away.
And it's like a dually.
It's humongous.
It's ridiculous.
Like I drove it once and I was like, I don't know why anyone would own this.
It's just ridiculous.
And but I told him I was like, I like this Honda, like unibody pickup truck.
That's not a that's not a real truck.

(45:22):
And he's just like, makes fun of me because I like it.
And I'm just like, ah dude.
I'm just, I'm, I'm too old and I'm at least secure enough in myself to like not, I ain'tworried about the fact that my brother doesn't think that I like a real truck or he thinks
that Japanese cars are stupid and American muscle is cool.
Like it's okay that he likes that.
It's okay that I like mine, but it actually honestly took me a while to be honest withthat just because I was worried that my brother was going to think I was less of a man or

(45:48):
something.
You know, it's like, it's, it's silly.
absolutely.
And it can show up anywhere.
It can even show up like, you know, I can think of with with chiropractic, like even yourpricing, you know, like if I'm too worried that people aren't going to like that, then I'm
going to never actually offer a fair price or ask a fair price.
And, and then here I am suffering like, why do have to work all the time?

(46:09):
And it's just not fair and all that.
So these are important.
up with chiropractors.
It shows up with chiropractors when they feel like they have to wear a white coat, whenthey feel like they are trying to present themselves as a real doctor.
ah They are, I had this conversation with a chiropractor that is he's doing very, well.

(46:30):
And he's in Dallas and he's only, he's only been out for a few years and we had aconversation on the podcast actually.
And I was talking to him and I told him, said, I wish chiropractors were just more, moreconfident and secure and happy with being chiropractors.
It's not, it's not a slang.
It's not a slap in the face.
It's not a lesser than like you put your hands on people as a chiropractor and makeincredible changes in a person's life.

(46:55):
And.
I became like my buddy that's, uh, moving.
I told him, he told me he was going to close his practice and he's going to be moving to,Texas.
And I told him, I said, the next couple of months, like when you let your patients knowthat you're leaving are going to be amazing and they're going to be amazing because all
the time you've been practicing the last 20 years, you just, you solve a problem, you moveon, you solve a problem, you move on, solve a problem, you move on.

(47:21):
And I was like, and you tell those people you're leaving.
And every person that comes in is going to stop and they're going to tell you thank youand they're going to tell you the difference you made in your life.
And it's going to just, it's going to fill your soul because you are making a difference,even though sometimes you forget.
so for chiropractors, like I hate that they're insecure because what we do is incredible.

(47:44):
And my last month in practice, every single person that came in stopped and said, thankyou for this.
Thank you for that.
You did this for my mom.
You did this for my brother.
You did this.
Like, why are we insecure about that?
Because we don't prescribe or we don't, and that's how it manifests as chiropractors.
And it's it's a shame because we do such good work.
Yes, yes, yes.

(48:05):
It's owning what we do, being aware of who you are and what you have to offer.
And when you can really feel that and be that, then you can have a certain kind ofconfidence that's not referring to outside things.
You know, it's not comparing, say, a chiropractor to a medical doctor.
Like that's comparing apples and oranges.
They nothing to do with each other in many ways.

(48:27):
It's like, no, I offer something real and, and
Owning that is as important as, um you know, it's as important to be aware of what youhave to offer as being, um you know, like, I don't know, just, it's not about the saying

(48:48):
no, just only it's about what do I have to offer as well.
We had talked about that before we started recording.
were talking about, I'd mentioned playing basketball, you know, and being good atbasketball.
Like there's something about, like, was never going to get paid to play sports.
Like, you know mean?
Like that was never going to happen, but there's something about doing something you love,putting your energy into it and being good at it.

(49:10):
And there's an element to that, but it's, if you're not going to be confident andcomfortable with yourself as a chiropractor, you're like, you're never even going to get
to that point of.
enjoying what you're doing and feeling secure in that and being being really able to helpthe people that you want to help.
Like you're never going to be able to be the person if you can't start from a place ofbeing honest about the fact that you like that you wanted to be a chiropractor, you know

(49:34):
that you chose that, that it's a great thing.
You know, being comfortable with who you are, like all of that stuff, all of thatinsecurity that we're talking about, like if you don't get over that, it really does
become the anchor to your uh practice success and your happiness.
unnecessarily because it's one of those things that we believe and you like you said, youbelieve something that's not even true.

(49:55):
It's just they're causing you problems.
That's right.
And it's based on fear.
Like, okay, they're going to reject me because I'm, you know, I'm not X or I'm, you know,I'm just not what I think they value.
But instead I can share what I actually have, which is they don't even know yet.
I can bring it out and bring that to light as something new.

(50:15):
And they're going to be like, wow, I see that too.
And those that it lines with aligns with are going to be super fans.
And when you're super, when you're excited about what you're doing, like you're excitedabout what you're doing and you're comfortable with what you're doing and you're, and even
all the stuff we're talking about with setting parameters and everything else, like when,when you get very comfortable in your own skin, it is attractive.

(50:36):
Like it's, it's not attractive to be around somebody that's uncomfortable in their ownskin.
having lived most of my life being uncomfortable in my own skin, I can tell you that itmakes other people uncomfortable.
I love it.
First-hand experience.
Yes, I make people uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable.

(50:58):
So tell me this, this whole time, there's a little bit of this, there's a little bit of anundertone of maybe it sounds like a bad thing.
ah As we kind of wrap this up or kind of like land this plane.
uh Let's talk a little bit about how this can be a superpower.
Like how can this be a good thing?

(51:19):
Because it's true with introverts as well, where it's like, just because you're thatdoesn't mean you can't be successful.
You just have to do it differently.
Like how does this become something that it's like, I'm not ashamed of it.
It's a good thing.
And this is how it's a good thing.
Yeah, I mean, it's such a perfect match for a profession like chiropractic, where you'recaring for people, where you're helping people.

(51:41):
And the core trait of a highly sensitive people is that empathy and that ability toconnect on an emotional level with someone and to intelligently be able to be aware of all
the factors that may be causing that person's problems and
addressing them in a systematic way.

(52:03):
the depth of processing combined with the empathy is a super winning combination.
It's awareness of the person as a person, but also an ability to look at the details andgo deep.
Like depth is our skill when you're a highly sensitive person.
It's just built in.

(52:24):
We look deeply into things.
We try to find the real basis of
problem and try to address the root cause of it rather than just, uh, you know, waving ourhands at it.
So this is a, I think a perfect match for anyone in the caring profession.
And it's something that is something patients and people who you serve are going toappreciate in a really deep way.

(52:51):
And so the only caution is you just have to pace yourself.
You just have to not get, you know, that bucket is small.
like don't.
get it overwhelmed because that's when all those superpowers start to get covered over bystress reactions instead.
So having a certain kind of container for yourself, for your schedule, getting enoughsleep, taking care of some kind of balance there is super key as well as questioning the

(53:21):
thoughts that stop you from, you know, being yourself around other people.
But the superpowers are ability to connect.
and ability to go deep with uh anything, ability to care and the ability to notice thingsthat others don't notice.
Like, yeah, there's just a slight little difference here and you pick up on that and thatcan make all the difference in the treatment.

(53:45):
Do you find that as you've become more aware of this within yourself, that you recognizeit in others and that helps with the connection with like if somebody's not even aware
that they're that, that they have that particular trait, but you're aware of it.
Can, that help you with that relationship just because of you, you know what's going onwith them, even if they don't?

(54:09):
Absolutely.
Yeah, I can, I can almost predict what the issues are when I'm with somebody who also is ahighly sensitive person.
I'm there, I get it.
And so it's that, just understanding, because it's a mutually shared trait that can allowfor even more connection.

(54:30):
And some of my favorite people are highly sensitive people.
I actually now have
restricted my practice to only working with highly sensitive people.
So I'm very, very specific on that.
And I find that those are the people that I'm most equipped to serve.
yeah, it's, it's like working with myself.

(54:53):
And, and I, and that's, yeah, it's a perfect setup.
It's actually funny that you say that because, um, when I started, cause now rocket Chiro,I used to be called something else.
And when I started it, I, my kind of avatar, kind of the comment that I'd always make whenI started doing like business and marketing advice and help and different things.

(55:14):
And ultimately even the services that I do now, one of things I used to say is I'm goingback in time and helping 24 year old Jerry.
And so when I graduated from chiropractic college, when I was 24, like 24, 25, 26, likethose were really, really hard years for me because I didn't know what I didn't know.
And so I started creating content with that person in mind.

(55:35):
And that was kind of the joke is I'm going back in time and helping me.
It's like, want to, I want to put out a blog or a podcast or information or sort resourcesthat, would have been really super helpful for that guy.
And so there is an element of that with me as well where it's like I'm sort of helpingmyself.
Yeah, but that's like, I mean, if you've walked a path or you're needing to walk a path,like the teacher is always the one that learns the most and also the one that needs it the

(56:03):
most.
So like, why not?
Like serving two things at once.
I'm going back, taking care of my old growth that I never finished and I'm also helpingothers at the same place.
It's perfect.
had this running joke that my first book that I'm ever gonna write is gonna be how to ruina marriage in nine years or less.
It's gonna be about all the things you shouldn't do.

(56:30):
That's all I tell, like, oh man.
When I have young guys get ahold of me and ask me like relationship advice, I'm like, bro,listen.
I could tell you what not to do.
I could write a book about what not to do.
So if that's what you want to know, like I'm super helpful, but if you want to have thebest, most amazing advice in the world, maybe I don't have that.
I don't know.

(56:51):
yeah, yeah.
So let's do this as we wrap it up uh is let people know like how they can follow you aboutyour podcasts.
If they want to reach out to you for help like how do they do that?
How do people connect with you?
Sure.
Yeah.
Um, I guess the first thing to do is check out, my podcast, which is, uh, stressmanagement for highly sensitive people.

(57:12):
And I suggest starting with episode two 37, which is how to say no as an HSP.
It's like a gentle three-step guide to setting boundaries without overwhelm.
And so that can be just an easy listen.
If you want to know more or want to work with me, then you can go to true innerfreedom.com and you can take the HSP stress test there, which is a way to find out.

(57:33):
Are you a highly sensitive person?
What kind of stress levels are you dealing with in your life?
And it's just the gateway to working with me if you're interested in doing that.
Todd, I've had fun.
I've enjoyed the conversation and I appreciate you coming on.
Likewise, I've enjoyed every minute, the time has flown, and thank you so much forinviting me.

(57:56):
All right, guys, we're going to go ahead and wrap this up.
ah I appreciate you subscribing.
I appreciate you listening to the podcast.
If you'd be willing to share it with other chiropractors that aren't listening, I'd besuper appreciative of that.
I'll be back on the next episode to talk to you guys later.
See you.

All Episodes

Resources & Links:

00:01 – Introduction

02:38 – What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

04:36 – The Negative Stigma Around Sensitivity

06:11 – The HSP Stress Bucket Analogy

08:54 – Why Chiropractic Can Be Overwhelming for HSPs

09:45 – The Difference Between HSPs and Introverts

14:21 – Overthinking vs. Overprocessing

15:52 – People-Pleasing, Boundaries & Being “Too Nice”

19:08 – Recognizing When You’re Out of Exchange

22:05 – Real-Life Example: Transitioning to Online Scheduling

26:48 – The Impact of Saying Yes to One Thing (And No to Another)

29:08 – Questioning Your Own Thoughts & Beliefs

33:15 – Parenting, Marriage, and Boundaries in Personal Life

Episode Transcript

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Highly Sensitive Chiropractors: Boundaries, Burnout, and Business with Todd Smith