December 24, 2024 • 22 mins
🚨 Click Clack! 🚨 New Episode Alert: GIRTHY Podcast®! 🚨
We gotta get one on the board. Eric Readinger may have finally received his wish of a probe by UFOs UAPs IUDs. Here's a weird Zelda: A Link To The Past style into and a 20-minute stand-up comedy set performed by comedian Law Smith @LawSmithWorks at the Sunshine City Comedy Club in St. Pete Beach, Florida. The set features Law Smith interacting with the audience and making jokes on a variety of topics, including: New Zealand, Kiwis, assassins, Luigi, Lord of the Rings, rugby, Australia, Christ Church, COVID, San Diego, Jason Bourne, single dad, varsity DILF, Russian cold stare, Southern accent, Alabama, Indiana, Mississippi, Hoosiers, Karen, Umbros, Lululemon, athleisure, basketball shorts, inseam, Brazilian, PTO, dwarf, T-Rex, Magic Mike, mushrooms, Interstellar, physics, Newton’s laws, Miller’s planet, black hole, roadie, Ron White, Christmas Past, Nick Nolte, Flock of Seagulls, stifling giggle, Japanese chick, laughter, mansplain, Tiffany long johns, Netflix, documentary, hedge fund, mutual fund, Nobel Prize, Tampa, night jogs, Magic Mike, golf, Phil Mickelson, edible, shrooms, Portobello mushrooms, placebo, dad wagon, GMC Yukon, car seats, Cardi B, dry humor, vaginas, Italians, Jersey Shore, headliner, Sean Harper, audience, yellow hat, long walks, nostalgia, blue film, battle of Mordor, RR Martin, Kye Saunders, Sean Harper, Comedy, Stand-up comedy, Live comedy show, Funny jokes, Humor, Crowd work, Comedy set, Comedy club, Florida comedy, St. Pete Beach, Sunshine City comedy, December comedy show, Funny moments, Laugh-out-loud, Audience laughter, Comedy routine, Improv comedy, Stand-up humor, Comedy highlights, Comedy performance, Parenting humor, Single dad jokes, Christmas comedy, Festive humor, Audience interaction, Roadie jokes, Nick Nolte humor, Ron White reference, Southern humor, Florida lifestyle jokes, St. Petersburg comedy, Florida stand-up, Tampa Bay comedy, Local comedy show, Florida comedian, Interstellar humor, Lord of the Rings jokes, Netflix comedy, Jason Bourne humor, Luigi jokes, Laugh track, Audience reaction, Crowd participation, Funny stories, Relatable humor, Lulu Lemon shorts, Athleisure jokes, 4-inch inseam humor, Basketball shorts jokes, Umbros comedy, DILF jokes, Funny parenting, Everyday humor, Relatable parenting stories, Thigh humor, Kiwi humor, New Zealand comedy, Cultural humor, International jokes, Christmas Past humor, Sci-fi humor, Interstellar jokes, Gravity jokes, Black hole humor, Movie reference jokes, Funny parenting moments, Comedian crowd work, Stand-up stories, Everyday life jokes, Relatable parenting, Comedy by Law Smith, Funny moments by Law Smith, Sunshine City stand-up, Law Smith comedy, Florida comedian Law Smith, Improv performance, Comedy storytelling, Live audience humor, Spontaneous jokes, Comedic timing, Holiday humor, Seasonal jokes, Festive stand-up, Christmas comedy stories, Crowd work fun, Observational comedy, Sarcastic humor, Comedy punchlines, Storytelling humor, Self-deprecating jokes, Best stand-up sets, Viral comedy videos, Trending humor videos, Funniest YouTube comedy, Comedy video 2024, Florida holiday comedy, Tampa Bay humor, Best comedy in Florida, St. Pete Beach laughs, Sunshine City stand-up event, Hotty Totty, Spanish neighborhood, fireworks, sponsors, nerd help, walking dog, kids, Santa, Sunshine City comedy club, St Pete Beach, Florida, comedy, jokes, WAP, humor, improv, self-deprecation, cultural commentary, comedic timing, stage presence, storytelling, observational humor. Throughout the set, Law Smith displays an energetic and improvisational comedic style, riffing off the audience and incorporating their reactions into his material. The transcript suggests this will be an entertaining and humorous addition to the GIRTHY podcas
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Law Smith (00:05):
Hi toddy, you can tell I live in a cool Spanish
neighborhood by the fireworksgoing off for December 22
sponsors in this episode will bein the description. I suggest
you check them out if you needsome nerd help. I'm walking my
dog while doing this intro,because my kids won't leave me
alone. Really attached to me,because they think I know Santa,
(00:28):
but Eric and I could not gettogether scheduling wise to do
pod. So I'm gonna give you a 20minute set I did out at Sunshine
City comedy club out in St PeteBeach, Florida. I think I only
did a few jokes that I'dactually written down. And you
(00:52):
know, this will kind of Justgetting us on the board. Enjoy.
(01:24):
I haven't even said anythingover here. Give it up for Kye
Saunders, y'all go your firstcomment.
I think that's good. It'sdefinitely gonna fall now, what
(01:51):
you're a roadie. You look like aroadie. Roadie. Advice, you look
like Ron White, if he was aroadie. You you run my Rooney
guy. You're the Ghost ofChristmas Past. You look like
(02:14):
you've had a couple of storiesto tell from your past. Your
hair looks like like Nick Noltein a DUI headshot.
Oh yeah, my mine's escaping.That's fine. It's trying to get
(02:36):
to my asshole. This Yours lookslike Flock of Seagulls from
Texas or something. I don't knowwhat to do with it, but I like
it. I like to give it. Mikeadvice, where'd the stifling
giggle lady go? Somewhere inthere, right there. You don't
have to do it like a Japanesechick or anything. You don't
think you want to be polite. Wewant the laughter be as laugh as
(03:00):
loud as you'd like. This is theonly place you can do it, right?
Yeah, yeah. Give you permission.You're welcome. I mansplain how
to laugh.
You and the white ones eat.You're you're looking at me,
(03:21):
just like in your eye. Me uplike it looks like it's all
connected from here. I don'tknow it looks like it's long
johns, but really nice, likeTiffany long johns or something.
Did they make long johns? Okay?Sweet. I heard there's New
(03:41):
Zealand people in here. There'ssome kiwis. Just one. I have no
idea what the fuck.
Just always one of you, what doyou guys? Like assassins or
something? You're like thatLuigi guy did a good job, man,
(04:04):
he was pretty good. Did he youwere obsessed? He really
analyzed this, huh? Now you'renot saying anything, and you're
scary. I mean, that's scary. Ilove kiwis, bro. I love I love
Lord of the Rings. I like that.Yeah, please don't kill me after
(04:29):
this. I like rugby. What else doyou guys have? Australia, those
guys suck. Yeah, green mountainsand stuff. I don't know. I'm
going to church. Church, Christthat's a place. Christ Church.
(04:50):
Yeah, I'm nervous. Okay, this isa COVID San Diego. I got Jason
board staring me down here withi.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm I'm aI'm a single dad, and my kids
(05:12):
are outside this room right now.Yeah, oh yeah, it's good
parenting. I feel so like, Canwe come in and like, do some
time. I'm like, what you guysare gonna freeze up and piss
their pants on stage, whichwould be funny. I kind of want
that to happen. But look, I'm avarsity DILF. That means a dad.
(05:34):
I'd like to fuck. If you don'tknow, I'm just gonna translate,
man, you're giving me a Russiancold stare. Yes, from New
Zealand, dude, you got you gotyou got cold you got a cold
stare? Bro.
(06:01):
I love the accent, though. Ilove that because it has a cute
twang to it. It's like, you evermeet, like, a Southern, if you
met Southern, like, not Florida,Florida, like, like, real stuff,
like, Alabama, Indiana, yeah,sure. Well, Indiana is secretly
a southern state. It'sMississippi. If you look on a
(06:22):
map, it's Mississippi, and youjust flip it up, it's exactly
the same thing. I don't know whythey did that, but it's pretty
white trash up there. I've beenin Indiana a lot doing gigs, and
it has like a blue film to itlike it's dark. It feels like
you're an eight mile for somereason, no one steal me like
(06:44):
Hoosiers in here. Okay, I'llbring it to the screechinger, if
you size me up. Do you think I'ma pedophile or something? I
mean, he'll kill me for you. Iguess when I want to I, because
I saw you go, you gave a Karen,like a Karen, face of like, I
(07:10):
need to speak to the managerright now. Look, I wear umbros,
actually, these are ladies LuluLemon shorts. I get Lulu lemons
stuff from my, you know, anylike Christmas, from your
family, and you get stuff inyour like clothes. My whole
life, for Christmas, I getclothes and I'm like, oh, not
(07:30):
even close. Like, and you haveto go return it. My sister, for
five years in a row, gets meLulu Lemon. Like, that's the
life I live. Is that fancy, poshleisure athleisure wear life.
And so I go in and I made aconscious decision. I was
wearing basketball shorts untillike five years ago, and then I
(07:52):
realized, hey, 35 wearing shortsto your knees, basketball shorts
all the time, probably not agood look. This is a better
book. This is much better. Fourinch inseams are higher. That's
That's my rule. From now on, Iwould like my I have huge
thighs. I have 28 inch thighs ina 34 inch waist. I'm like a
(08:13):
Brazilian chick, like I theystopped me in the street and
asked me for ass tips. This assit don't quit. It doesn't take
any days off, no PTO, no sickdays. This has it don't quit.
It's always running. So longstory boring. This is I'm not
(08:34):
I'm not scared to show thethighs off anymore. Some birds
are too pretty to be kissed up.You. I would like a body type
of, like midget that you like,got a little bit taller, you
know, like, you'll ever see adwarf, and they kind of walk
(08:54):
around, like, like this, like aT Rex, you know, like, like,
they have monster truck wheelson the sides like they're like a
human tricycle, basically. It'sawesome. And I always want them
to be like that lizard that runsover the water. You know, you
ever see that like, like that.They never do it, no matter how
(09:20):
much fun are you doing?
Yeah, I wear it, yeah, ladies,Lulu Lemon. I brought my kids
with me when I returned the lastpair, and I was like, seven inch
shorts for men, where's the ladysection? They're like for what?
And I was like for me, that'swhat I do. I like and I wear
(09:42):
neon. I don't want to get I liketo go on night jogs like
Tampa's. I grew up in Tampa.Tampa Bay is a weird area, like
I go, I go for walk, long walks,like an old band walk, you know?
I like with no headphones, justwalking. A lot of the time, and
Tampa is such a not a walkablecity. Friends will drive by and
(10:06):
be like, Whoa, bro. Did you geta DUI? And I'm like, what? We'll
just think about my life. Idon't know. I was going for a
walk outside. What the fuckwrong with you? Like, why are
you wearing umbros, really shortumbrells from the street. Dude
(10:32):
else, posture is very defensive.What's going on? Did I scare
you? Does it look like LordFauci? Yeah.
It Nicolas Cage and Con Air orwhatever, put the bunny back in
(10:54):
the box. I got more. Phil, youguys have like golf. Phil
Mickelson, okay, that guy, letsgo. Fin skill, pretty country
fans, anybody with a big fatwhite face and long hair bleed,
(11:15):
singer of creed when he was analcoholic.
The her, yeah, we already didthat one. Oh, man, someone's
edible kicked in. He thought hemade that shit up. That's
(11:39):
definitely 30 seconds before,like, I got a good one, dude,
what was this in India? Ithought this was the this is
sleeping one. Never get so highoff an edible. You're worried
(12:00):
your cell phone. Can think yourthoughts. You're like, Oh no, I
put it in the kitchen. I justwon't go as far away as I can.
All right? I mean, I have mykids outside to drive home, and
I hope these shrooms don't kickin for 45 minute drive these
rooms to watch Interstellar, myfavorite movie of all time,
(12:21):
anybody seen that kiwi? Can Icall it Kiwi or just key? What's
your name? Lance? That's a madeup name. You saw that on a bag
of crackers machine. Up.
(12:49):
So what happened? Well, goodroad to you are you did pick it
up quickly. You said she did,and he's looking at me like,
What the fuck dude. Don't missgender me, man. Is that a thing?
(13:16):
No, everything, look I love you,buddy. I love you, right?
Everything I gotta take for thegrain of salt. I just gotta, I'm
gonna have another question,just to make sure you're not a
serial killer or assassin. Well,we're in the middle of a Netflix
documentary, then that's a goodcredit for me. Finally got on
(13:40):
Netflix. What was it saying?Come on Lance, what we're doing?
Crackers before that? Yes,mushrooms. Y'all do mushrooms?
Yeah, that's yeah. That's why mymemories, look, I do mushrooms
like once, like once every threemonths. It's like, remember the
(14:03):
whole Nintendo? Remember the oldonce a quarter? Yeah, I work in
Finance. I'm the guy on thephone doing your hedge fund.
What you want to index fund?Where are you going? I don't
like math. Yeah. I used to workat a mutual fund company. My
(14:27):
boss won the Nobel Prize foreconomics. I don't know what the
fuck I was there for. Like. Iwas just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know what a mutual fundis, but I got this job. How does
this work? Okay, I'm not sure.Yes. So help partake.
(14:57):
Ron, I need your help. You.That's bad. I know I'm just
gonna take it off here. Let'sjust take it off. It's an
intimate room. Look, strippingis in my blood. I'm born and
raised in Tampa, Magic Mike. Iwas like, I get that. Yeah,
that's my life. But I didn'tstrip. I just was like, I want
(15:19):
to do that. I huh? Mushrooms,all right, we're gonna get
there. Yeah, Interstellar, myfavorite movie freaks me out. It
makes me cry at least two partsof it. Lance, you feel that you
got kids? No, okay, okay, Ithink you got a dumpster date in
(15:42):
the alley film. Chick wants tobang Lance. All right, I love
being a matchmaker. This isamazing. Yeah, just leave now.
Tell us how. Come back and tellus how it goes. I think it's the
girl the Italian. Are youItalian? I can't tell um.
(16:09):
I don't know how to read. So youdon't you've seen her still, or
didn't cry. No no longer. Himwith a spaceship crashes in the
(16:31):
water. Is it what? Yes, it's thebest movie of all time. And when
you that's the exact part Istarted crying on shrooms
because I never took a physicsclass. And I was like, How does
Wait? What time is different?Because of gravity, What the Oh,
my God,
(16:54):
you're fucking Stone Cold badassdude. I can't you did too much
to cry. Welcome back. Oh,physics. Yeah, if you took a
physics class, I never, it'sfucking babble, if you've never
done it, Newton star law, andthen you do shrooms, and you're
(17:14):
like, Oh, fuck. What the hell isgoing on? I think I'm in the
movie at that point. You know,I'm on Miller's planet. Yeah,
and I'm like, oh shit, everyseven minutes is a year here,
fuck. Then you get back up andthat black dudes like, I've been
waiting for you. I've beenwaiting for you. I'm an old man.
Now, you guys don't remember themovie. I don't know why. I just
(17:37):
talked about this movie. Okay,let's, let's get this show back
on track. Okay, this guy looksbored over here with his hand
over there. Is this not enoughfor you? Do you need a little
bit more action? So the power is28 inches girth. Now I got some
(18:05):
movement out of you.
I think I just teed you up. Boy.Oh.
I have material I don't evenknow I got. I was Lance. Are you
(18:30):
a you're not. I was gonna askher to film buff, but you just
shadow over my favorite movie ofall time. Do you are you? Do you
like films? Do you like Lord ofthe Rings? Whatever the fuck
else is still there, yeah.
Unknown (18:42):
I mean, he's
Law Smith (18:47):
seen interstellar I got I got it now. I figured out
how to translate on Google.Translate from
New Zealand Guy in the Audience (18:55):
the backyard of my house. I could
see the Battle of Mordor.
Law Smith (19:02):
Okay? Okay, you tell all your sheep friends out
there, especially the ones youreally like. We just, I'm
recording this set. We haveconfirmation here, guys,
(19:27):
I know you're doing RR Martin, Iknow why you're going back there
to film, write books orwhatever. Mushrooms. I The funny
thing is to give your friendslike portobello mushrooms, the
non hallucinate ones, and see ifthey think they're fucked up by
(19:51):
placebo no one. It's really notnice, but it's really funny.
Guys are fucking horrible ateach other. It's. Is, that's how
we roll. They get jealous ofthis power, this these baby fat
legs I've got. Okay, let's filmboth. Yeah, I have to drop two
(20:13):
kids home after this. My dadwagon. I don't want to get you
guys too wet in here, but it's a2003 GMC Yukon with two car
seats in the back. What? Whatit's the it gives the opposite
of cardi B's whap, as I driveby, just dry as pussy as I drove
(20:34):
roll by a bunch of women youever, you ever drive by a bunch
of vacuums that are turned on?That's what it sounds like all
the vaginas. It gets me zero.Negative gets me like this, keep
it in your pants. Lady her
Unknown (20:57):
to do list. She's like, okay, pay the
Law Smith (21:00):
bill. Lance in the alley. Get more Italian clothes.
People don't know Italianenough, so I need more Italian
shit. Get a finger tan. Let'ssee that. I don't want teeth
(21:20):
coming in. I can't tell peoplethe differences between Italians
and Jersey Shore. I gotta getout of here. Guys, this has been
a lot of fun. Are you okay foryour headliner?
Sean Harper!
Sean Harper (22:00):
more time for law, everybody.
Dude, I put on a yellow hat onmy way out the door, the whole
drive under.
Hi toddy, you can tell I live in a cool Spanish
neighborhood by the fireworksgoing off for December 22
sponsors in this episode will bein the description. I suggest
you check them out if you needsome nerd help. I'm walking my
dog while doing this intro,because my kids won't leave me
alone. Really attached to me,because they think I know Santa,
(00:28):
but Eric and I could not gettogether scheduling wise to do
pod. So I'm gonna give you a 20minute set I did out at Sunshine
City comedy club out in St PeteBeach, Florida. I think I only
did a few jokes that I'dactually written down. And you
(00:52):
know, this will kind of Justgetting us on the board. Enjoy.
(01:24):
I haven't even said anythingover here. Give it up for Kye
Saunders, y'all go your firstcomment.
I think that's good. It'sdefinitely gonna fall now, what
(01:51):
you're a roadie. You look like aroadie. Roadie. Advice, you look
like Ron White, if he was aroadie. You you run my Rooney
guy. You're the Ghost ofChristmas Past. You look like
(02:14):
you've had a couple of storiesto tell from your past. Your
hair looks like like Nick Noltein a DUI headshot.
Oh yeah, my mine's escaping.That's fine. It's trying to get
(02:36):
to my asshole. This Yours lookslike Flock of Seagulls from
Texas or something. I don't knowwhat to do with it, but I like
it. I like to give it. Mikeadvice, where'd the stifling
giggle lady go? Somewhere inthere, right there. You don't
have to do it like a Japanesechick or anything. You don't
think you want to be polite. Wewant the laughter be as laugh as
(03:00):
loud as you'd like. This is theonly place you can do it, right?
Yeah, yeah. Give you permission.You're welcome. I mansplain how
to laugh.
You and the white ones eat.You're you're looking at me,
(03:21):
just like in your eye. Me uplike it looks like it's all
connected from here. I don'tknow it looks like it's long
johns, but really nice, likeTiffany long johns or something.
Did they make long johns? Okay?Sweet. I heard there's New
(03:41):
Zealand people in here. There'ssome kiwis. Just one. I have no
idea what the fuck.
Just always one of you, what doyou guys? Like assassins or
something? You're like thatLuigi guy did a good job, man,
(04:04):
he was pretty good. Did he youwere obsessed? He really
analyzed this, huh? Now you'renot saying anything, and you're
scary. I mean, that's scary. Ilove kiwis, bro. I love I love
Lord of the Rings. I like that.Yeah, please don't kill me after
(04:29):
this. I like rugby. What else doyou guys have? Australia, those
guys suck. Yeah, green mountainsand stuff. I don't know. I'm
going to church. Church, Christthat's a place. Christ Church.
(04:50):
Yeah, I'm nervous. Okay, this isa COVID San Diego. I got Jason
board staring me down here withi.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm I'm aI'm a single dad, and my kids
(05:12):
are outside this room right now.Yeah, oh yeah, it's good
parenting. I feel so like, Canwe come in and like, do some
time. I'm like, what you guysare gonna freeze up and piss
their pants on stage, whichwould be funny. I kind of want
that to happen. But look, I'm avarsity DILF. That means a dad.
(05:34):
I'd like to fuck. If you don'tknow, I'm just gonna translate,
man, you're giving me a Russiancold stare. Yes, from New
Zealand, dude, you got you gotyou got cold you got a cold
stare? Bro.
(06:01):
I love the accent, though. Ilove that because it has a cute
twang to it. It's like, you evermeet, like, a Southern, if you
met Southern, like, not Florida,Florida, like, like, real stuff,
like, Alabama, Indiana, yeah,sure. Well, Indiana is secretly
a southern state. It'sMississippi. If you look on a
(06:22):
map, it's Mississippi, and youjust flip it up, it's exactly
the same thing. I don't know whythey did that, but it's pretty
white trash up there. I've beenin Indiana a lot doing gigs, and
it has like a blue film to itlike it's dark. It feels like
you're an eight mile for somereason, no one steal me like
(06:44):
Hoosiers in here. Okay, I'llbring it to the screechinger, if
you size me up. Do you think I'ma pedophile or something? I
mean, he'll kill me for you. Iguess when I want to I, because
I saw you go, you gave a Karen,like a Karen, face of like, I
(07:10):
need to speak to the managerright now. Look, I wear umbros,
actually, these are ladies LuluLemon shorts. I get Lulu lemons
stuff from my, you know, anylike Christmas, from your
family, and you get stuff inyour like clothes. My whole
life, for Christmas, I getclothes and I'm like, oh, not
(07:30):
even close. Like, and you haveto go return it. My sister, for
five years in a row, gets meLulu Lemon. Like, that's the
life I live. Is that fancy, poshleisure athleisure wear life.
And so I go in and I made aconscious decision. I was
wearing basketball shorts untillike five years ago, and then I
(07:52):
realized, hey, 35 wearing shortsto your knees, basketball shorts
all the time, probably not agood look. This is a better
book. This is much better. Fourinch inseams are higher. That's
That's my rule. From now on, Iwould like my I have huge
thighs. I have 28 inch thighs ina 34 inch waist. I'm like a
(08:13):
Brazilian chick, like I theystopped me in the street and
asked me for ass tips. This assit don't quit. It doesn't take
any days off, no PTO, no sickdays. This has it don't quit.
It's always running. So longstory boring. This is I'm not
(08:34):
I'm not scared to show thethighs off anymore. Some birds
are too pretty to be kissed up.You. I would like a body type
of, like midget that you like,got a little bit taller, you
know, like, you'll ever see adwarf, and they kind of walk
(08:54):
around, like, like this, like aT Rex, you know, like, like,
they have monster truck wheelson the sides like they're like a
human tricycle, basically. It'sawesome. And I always want them
to be like that lizard that runsover the water. You know, you
ever see that like, like that.They never do it, no matter how
(09:20):
much fun are you doing?
Yeah, I wear it, yeah, ladies,Lulu Lemon. I brought my kids
with me when I returned the lastpair, and I was like, seven inch
shorts for men, where's the ladysection? They're like for what?
And I was like for me, that'swhat I do. I like and I wear
(09:42):
neon. I don't want to get I liketo go on night jogs like
Tampa's. I grew up in Tampa.Tampa Bay is a weird area, like
I go, I go for walk, long walks,like an old band walk, you know?
I like with no headphones, justwalking. A lot of the time, and
Tampa is such a not a walkablecity. Friends will drive by and
(10:06):
be like, Whoa, bro. Did you geta DUI? And I'm like, what? We'll
just think about my life. Idon't know. I was going for a
walk outside. What the fuckwrong with you? Like, why are
you wearing umbros, really shortumbrells from the street. Dude
(10:32):
else, posture is very defensive.What's going on? Did I scare
you? Does it look like LordFauci? Yeah.
It Nicolas Cage and Con Air orwhatever, put the bunny back in
(10:54):
the box. I got more. Phil, youguys have like golf. Phil
Mickelson, okay, that guy, letsgo. Fin skill, pretty country
fans, anybody with a big fatwhite face and long hair bleed,
(11:15):
singer of creed when he was analcoholic.
The her, yeah, we already didthat one. Oh, man, someone's
edible kicked in. He thought hemade that shit up. That's
(11:39):
definitely 30 seconds before,like, I got a good one, dude,
what was this in India? Ithought this was the this is
sleeping one. Never get so highoff an edible. You're worried
(12:00):
your cell phone. Can think yourthoughts. You're like, Oh no, I
put it in the kitchen. I justwon't go as far away as I can.
All right? I mean, I have mykids outside to drive home, and
I hope these shrooms don't kickin for 45 minute drive these
rooms to watch Interstellar, myfavorite movie of all time,
(12:21):
anybody seen that kiwi? Can Icall it Kiwi or just key? What's
your name? Lance? That's a madeup name. You saw that on a bag
of crackers machine. Up.
(12:49):
So what happened? Well, goodroad to you are you did pick it
up quickly. You said she did,and he's looking at me like,
What the fuck dude. Don't missgender me, man. Is that a thing?
(13:16):
No, everything, look I love you,buddy. I love you, right?
Everything I gotta take for thegrain of salt. I just gotta, I'm
gonna have another question,just to make sure you're not a
serial killer or assassin. Well,we're in the middle of a Netflix
documentary, then that's a goodcredit for me. Finally got on
(13:40):
Netflix. What was it saying?Come on Lance, what we're doing?
Crackers before that? Yes,mushrooms. Y'all do mushrooms?
Yeah, that's yeah. That's why mymemories, look, I do mushrooms
like once, like once every threemonths. It's like, remember the
(14:03):
whole Nintendo? Remember the oldonce a quarter? Yeah, I work in
Finance. I'm the guy on thephone doing your hedge fund.
What you want to index fund?Where are you going? I don't
like math. Yeah. I used to workat a mutual fund company. My
(14:27):
boss won the Nobel Prize foreconomics. I don't know what the
fuck I was there for. Like. Iwas just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know what a mutual fundis, but I got this job. How does
this work? Okay, I'm not sure.Yes. So help partake.
(14:57):
Ron, I need your help. You.That's bad. I know I'm just
gonna take it off here. Let'sjust take it off. It's an
intimate room. Look, strippingis in my blood. I'm born and
raised in Tampa, Magic Mike. Iwas like, I get that. Yeah,
that's my life. But I didn'tstrip. I just was like, I want
(15:19):
to do that. I huh? Mushrooms,all right, we're gonna get
there. Yeah, Interstellar, myfavorite movie freaks me out. It
makes me cry at least two partsof it. Lance, you feel that you
got kids? No, okay, okay, Ithink you got a dumpster date in
(15:42):
the alley film. Chick wants tobang Lance. All right, I love
being a matchmaker. This isamazing. Yeah, just leave now.
Tell us how. Come back and tellus how it goes. I think it's the
girl the Italian. Are youItalian? I can't tell um.
(16:09):
I don't know how to read. So youdon't you've seen her still, or
didn't cry. No no longer. Himwith a spaceship crashes in the
(16:31):
water. Is it what? Yes, it's thebest movie of all time. And when
you that's the exact part Istarted crying on shrooms
because I never took a physicsclass. And I was like, How does
Wait? What time is different?Because of gravity, What the Oh,
my God,
(16:54):
you're fucking Stone Cold badassdude. I can't you did too much
to cry. Welcome back. Oh,physics. Yeah, if you took a
physics class, I never, it'sfucking babble, if you've never
done it, Newton star law, andthen you do shrooms, and you're
(17:14):
like, Oh, fuck. What the hell isgoing on? I think I'm in the
movie at that point. You know,I'm on Miller's planet. Yeah,
and I'm like, oh shit, everyseven minutes is a year here,
fuck. Then you get back up andthat black dudes like, I've been
waiting for you. I've beenwaiting for you. I'm an old man.
Now, you guys don't remember themovie. I don't know why. I just
(17:37):
talked about this movie. Okay,let's, let's get this show back
on track. Okay, this guy looksbored over here with his hand
over there. Is this not enoughfor you? Do you need a little
bit more action? So the power is28 inches girth. Now I got some
(18:05):
movement out of you.
I think I just teed you up. Boy.Oh.
I have material I don't evenknow I got. I was Lance. Are you
(18:30):
a you're not. I was gonna askher to film buff, but you just
shadow over my favorite movie ofall time. Do you are you? Do you
like films? Do you like Lord ofthe Rings? Whatever the fuck
else is still there, yeah.
Unknown (18:42):
I mean, he's
Law Smith (18:47):
seen interstellar I got I got it now. I figured out
how to translate on Google.Translate from
New Zealand Guy in the Audience (18:55):
the backyard of my house. I could
see the Battle of Mordor.
Law Smith (19:02):
Okay? Okay, you tell all your sheep friends out
there, especially the ones youreally like. We just, I'm
recording this set. We haveconfirmation here, guys,
(19:27):
I know you're doing RR Martin, Iknow why you're going back there
to film, write books orwhatever. Mushrooms. I The funny
thing is to give your friendslike portobello mushrooms, the
non hallucinate ones, and see ifthey think they're fucked up by
(19:51):
placebo no one. It's really notnice, but it's really funny.
Guys are fucking horrible ateach other. It's. Is, that's how
we roll. They get jealous ofthis power, this these baby fat
legs I've got. Okay, let's filmboth. Yeah, I have to drop two
(20:13):
kids home after this. My dadwagon. I don't want to get you
guys too wet in here, but it's a2003 GMC Yukon with two car
seats in the back. What? Whatit's the it gives the opposite
of cardi B's whap, as I driveby, just dry as pussy as I drove
(20:34):
roll by a bunch of women youever, you ever drive by a bunch
of vacuums that are turned on?That's what it sounds like all
the vaginas. It gets me zero.Negative gets me like this, keep
it in your pants. Lady her
Unknown (20:57):
to do list. She's like, okay, pay the
Law Smith (21:00):
bill. Lance in the alley. Get more Italian clothes.
People don't know Italianenough, so I need more Italian
shit. Get a finger tan. Let'ssee that. I don't want teeth
(21:20):
coming in. I can't tell peoplethe differences between Italians
and Jersey Shore. I gotta getout of here. Guys, this has been
a lot of fun. Are you okay foryour headliner?
Sean Harper!
Sean Harper (22:00):
more time for law, everybody.
Dude, I put on a yellow hat onmy way out the door, the whole
drive under.
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