October 6, 2025 • 26 mins
Kendall Berg reveals the truth about how to emotionally detach from work—without losing your ambition. Most professionals don’t burn out from overworking; they burn out from over-caring. In this episode of Secrets of the Career Game, Kendall breaks down why emotional detachment is the real power skill behind sustainable success.
You’ll learn how to stop tying your self-worth to work performance, focus your energy where it actually drives results, and let go of the constant need to fix everyone else’s problems. Kendall also shares her personal “Future Self Cheat Sheet,” a simple framework to help you build identity, structure, and joy outside of work—so your career doesn’t consume your entire sense of self.
✨ In this episode, we discuss:
-
How to emotionally detach from work without feeling lazy or disengaged
-
What daily habits prevent burnout and build long-term success
-
Why “swooping and saving” your team only fuels exhaustion
-
How to create your own “Future Self Cheat Sheet”
-
What emotional detachment really looks like for high performers
👉 Improve your self advocacy: https://stan.store/thatcareercoach/p/get-my-promotion-guide-now
⭐️Get our FREE Accomplishments Tracker: https://fabulous-butterfly-83716.myflodesk.com/n8yzvrtw9v
That Career Coach
Want to know more about Kendal Berg, that career coach?
Follow her on Instagram: @thatcareercoach_
Check out her courses on the website: https://thatcareercoach.net/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kendall Berg (00:00):
The fastest route to burnout is by caring about things that your company and your boss doesn't.
Ultimately, when it comes to our career, it's very easy for us to put our sense of self and our sense of accomplishment in our work identity.
And that's why so many people in modern times are really burning out.
(00:20):
It doesn't help that a lot of us are working remotely or hybrid, and there's very little separation between work life and home life.
Something that we've seen happen over time is people checking their emails before they take their kids to school after dinner, their kids are in bed in between activities in the evenings, checking their phone on the weekends.
(00:42):
And because work has started to spill over into so many different areas of our life, what's ultimately happening is more and more of our mental load is carrying work priorities, and we're starting to get closer to that burnout point.
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game.
(01:02):
So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing.
On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtains and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster.
(01:23):
So burnout is really defined as the point where your emotional bandwidth runs out at work.
And what creates that burnout is too much emotional investment in work in the first place.
So I heard this quote this week.
The fastest route to burnout is caring about things that your company and your boss doesn't.
And I thought it was so true.
(01:45):
And I want to kind of double click into this and talk about it some more.
So in order to avoid this burnout issue of caring too much about the wrong things, number one, we have to know what the right things are.
This means that you have to understand the goals of your company, the goals of your boss, and the goals of your team.
And a lot of the time when I talk about this on this podcast, people will be in the comments and they're like, well, it's so obvious every company cares about the same thing.
(02:11):
Or of course I know what the priorities are, but I see it all the time where it is so easy to lose sight of the right priorities when you're in the day to day.
When we are working hard on 50 different day to day things, we get sucked into it, right?
We get tunnel vision and we start to think, oh, I have to do A, B, C and D. I have a checklist of 52 things that has to get done today.
(02:35):
And when we get sucked into that day to day, we lose sight of those high level priorities and we stop asking ourselves, are we working on the right things?
And instead we focus on doing the next thing.
When you are working, it is really important to take an inventory of the tasks you're working on and evaluate their performance holistically and without bias.
(02:58):
We all think our own work is the most important.
We do.
But being able to push back and really prioritize with your leadership becomes important.
I had this eye opening moment in my career.
It's been probably a decade since this happened.
I worked for a really great boss.
I was sharing this with a client the other week.
I had a complete mental breakdown in a conference room.
I was so busy.
(03:19):
I had so many things on my list.
I had so many things that were due.
That company did these like field days where we all went and bonded and did physical activity and kind of took the day off work.
And I felt like I couldn't go because I was so overwhelmed with the sheer number of tasks I was working on.
So I met with my boss, told him I wasn't going to be able to go.
(03:40):
I was stressed out.
And he's like, well, why don't you write out the things you're working on?
So I did.
I wrote this big long list of everything.
And he's like, I had no idea you were doing half of this.
And he starts scratching through things.
This is not important.
This is not important.
This is not worth your time.
You shouldn't be working on this.
Circled three things and said, work on those on Monday.
And it was such an eye opening experience for me because I felt completely justified in my stress and my overwhelm that I was working on all the right things.
(04:10):
And I've done other podcast episodes about how your boss doesn't know what you're working on.
Go listen to those if you're feeling a similar experience.
But what I didn't realize until that moment was although things seemed important to me, although things were urgent to the people around me, they weren't important in the bigger picture of what was going on in my company.
And so taking that step back to run an inventory of what you're working on and how it aligns to your priorities is actually really critical.
(04:37):
I get requests all the time for data for analysis.
Hey, can you answer this quick question?
Hey, we need to run on this.
And my conversation with my boss is constantly, hey, I only have so much capacity Here are the big things we're working on.
Something's got to drop.
So which is the least important of the things I'm working on?
And I have an opinion of what that least important thing is.
(04:58):
I have an opinion of what we should not be working on, but I'm ratifying that with my leadership so that I don't drop the wrong thing without full context.
This is very critical in your job.
You probably don't even realize all the things you're working on because you're just doing them.
Start to write out the things you're doing.
Make a list.
I don't care if it's okay.
Blank sheet of paper, unless you're driving, in which case you can do this later.
(05:22):
Blank sheet of paper.
Write out every single thing you're currently actively working on.
Even if it's something that's like, hey, I'm waiting for somebody to respond and then I'm going to pick this thing back up.
Write it out, everything you're working on, and then I want you to tag them as either bau, something that gets done regularly, business as usual or strategic initiative.
This is something that is driving the business forward.
(05:43):
It's part of a project, it is a enhancement, it's a new capability.
And I want you to tag them.
The third category would be like personal development.
If you're doing any kind of trainings or higher education or networking, those can kind of fall in that category.
And I want you to tag all of those items.
For most people, roughly 60% of that list should be strategic initiatives.
(06:05):
60 to 70.
Okay.
If you work a really technical role, think chemical engineer, nurse, a role that is highly technical, you may have the opposite where you're more BAU than you are strategic initiative.
And that's okay.
But I want you to assess it and then I want you to look through that list and identify anything you can delegate or anything that you believe truly is just not a high priority.
(06:29):
You're doing it because somebody asked you to do it.
But is it driving the business forward?
Is it adding immense value?
Is it creating an impact for the company?
If the answer is no, I want you to market.
And what this exercise helps us do is really assess our capacity against our priorities.
If you can do everything on your list and still have time to leave your desk to go get lunch and leave your desk to do a 30 minute walk once a day, you're probably right sized for your capacity.
(06:57):
If looking at your list makes you think you're only taking lunch at your desk and you're never leaving and you're working extra hours for the foreseeable future, Your list is too long and we need to deprioritize things.
And then it's that action of discussing it with your boss.
I have people who come to me all the time and they're like, oh, my boss doesn't care.
They tell me to do everything.
Now there's no room to deprioritize.
(07:20):
There are companies with cultures like that, don't get me wrong.
But if you don't deprioritize proactively, you're going to deprioritize on accident because not everything can get done.
So I'd rather do it on purpose than on accident.
And drop things that somebody thinks are really important.
That's not a good strategy either.
Okay, so write out your list marker things.
Then for the things that you're not going to drop that you are keeping high priority, I want you to map them to a company goal.
(07:47):
If you don't know your company goals, ask your boss.
If you don't know what's important in what your firm is working on, you have other issues and we will address those in separate podcasts.
Okay, I want you to tag them to a goal.
What is the impact you're driving?
If you cannot articulate your impact and how it helps the company, it is going to be very hard to get you promoted.
It's going to be very hard to create emotional distance.
(08:07):
It's going to be very hard for you to do your work and feel success when it's completed.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
All right?
Kendall Berg (08:14):
So number one, you have to understand your priorities so that you're not working on the wrong things.
The second thing is the emotional distance piece, and this is where the caring part comes in.
When we care about things too far of an extent, all right, you're going to invest your self identity in a specific solution or a specific outcome, and that's when things get really uncomfortable at work.
(08:39):
Okay, say you mow lawns for a living, all right?
And you care a lot about the edges of the lawn being perfect.
They have to be perfect.
They have to be straight.
There are no weeds.
They have to be exact height, like you're over there measuring it with a ruler every week.
Okay?
If you care about that and so you're charging more for your services because the edges are perfect and none of your clients care about it, they will eventually fire you and hire somebody else who's going to mow their lawn for a lot cheaper.
(09:10):
And yeah, maybe the edges aren't as Perfect.
But that's okay.
They don't care.
That is what happens when you care and you're emotionally invested in the wrong things for your company.
Now, if you're a high performer listening to this, just probably most of you're probably thinking, but they're stupid.
I'm frustrated because team A isn't doing their job.
(09:31):
I'm frustrated because I told them solution B wasn't going to work and they chose it anyways.
I'm frustrated because nobody's listening to me about this problem and I know it's going to blow up in six months and then it's going to be my problem to fix it.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Right.
Kendall Berg (09:42):
I hear you.
I do.
I see you.
Okay.
I empathize with you so much because I am there and I feel this.
But the reality is, at some point, you have to cut your loss to do your job.
You get paid for doing the work, not for being right.
Just remember that, okay?
And that requires some emotional distance.
(10:04):
If you really think solution A is the best choice and your boss picks solution B.
Rather than argue, rather than get really frustrated, rather than complain to your co worker at the water cooler.
I don't even know if we have water coolers anymore.
I want you instead to say, you know, I have some concerns with solution B that I've already mentioned.
(10:25):
I understand.
We want to move forward with solution A. I'll get started on that right away.
You're going to voice and document your concerns and risks and worries, and then you are going to accept it and move on the longer you hold to.
But solution B would better.
One, you're setting yourself up for failure because solution A is never going to be as good as solution B if you don't want it to be as good, frankly.
(10:46):
Two, you're going to upset people.
Your boss wants to hear your opinion.
They don't want to argue with you.
I have this struggle because I want people to understand.
I've talked about kings and specialists in separate episodes.
I'm a specialist.
I want everybody to understand the details.
I want to understand why things work the way they work.
And most people just don't care to understand the way that things work.
So my argument is, hey, I can do anything.
(11:10):
But certain things are going to be much more difficult and certain things are going to come with a lot more risk.
And once you share that, you're like, great, I'll get started on that right away.
That is your job.
That is what you get paid to do.
So one is you can't create emotional investment in Certain solutions, certain outcomes, and a certain project going well, it's just going to exhaust you.
It's going to make you frustrate, it's going to make you tired.
The second thing with emotional distance is you cannot swoop and save.
(11:34):
This is one of the things I coach high performers on the most.
It is not going to be popular coaching.
Somebody's gonna be in my comments like, this is terrible advice.
Cool, great.
Thanks, John.
Anyways, most high performers have a tendency to swoop and save.
I see a problem with team A, so I'm just gonna do team A's job for them because it's gonna make my life easier and I know there's not gonna be any issues and then the solution is gonna go out the door or person B dropped the ball on this, I'm just gonna pick it up, get it done, and send it out.
(12:04):
It's gonna make my life easier.
And they do this.
Swoop and save, right?
Like Superman.
You see somebody falling off a building and you're just like, whoop, I'm gonna pick you up, carry you, put you back on the ledge and move on with my life.
The issue with swooping and saving is if you are doing it too often for the same person, the same team, or the same process, nobody except you is feeling the pain of that broken thing.
(12:30):
So when you go to your boss and say, hey, team A is not doing their job, it's really frustrating.
I need some support.
I gotta get this fixed.
They don't care because you have swooped and saved every time so they don't feel the pain.
Only you feel the pain.
When you have a co worker who doesn't do their job and you go to your boss and you say, hey, I really need this person to like, not work here anymore.
I'm doing their job all the time.
(12:51):
Your boss does not believe you because they're not saying it because you're swooping and saving.
The issue with swooping and saving too much is your emotional investment is in the solution and you're making everyone else around you look good because you don't want to feel the pain of that solution.
However, to enact change, most often in the corporate workplace, more than just you is going to have to feel that pain, just to be honest.
(13:18):
And the more you swoop and save, the less people are going to feel the pain of that broken thing.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Right?
Kendall Berg (13:26):
I have run teams where our entire job is just to swoop and save.
The team I run today, our whole job is sweeping and saving.
Literally, it's the Whole reason we exist, somebody's not doing their job, we swoop and save.
The issue with that is when you need to enact change.
Your boss doesn't understand the gravity of the problem and they're not willing to back you up for solutions.
You have to let them feel a little bit of pain.
(13:48):
They ask for something and you're like, hey, I'd love to get it to you, but I still don't have this.
I've been waiting on it for person B for six weeks.
Let them bubble it up.
Let them complain to their boss.
Let them escalate.
There has to be enough space for escalation.
When you swoop and save, you have emotional investment in the solution, and there's no pain, and so there's no change.
You have to step back, let people fail, let processes fail.
(14:12):
Now, if it's your process and you own it, fix it, don't be dumb.
But if it's not your process and you're just a piece of things and things are constantly having issues, let it be painful.
Maybe not 100% of the time, but let it be painful when it's appropriate.
The third piece when it comes to avoiding burnout is that you have to have a strong sense of identity.
(14:36):
And I don't talk about mindset or identity too much on this podcast.
I think there's a lot of great resources on this out there.
But we're going to talk about it today because this is something that I personally have been investing in more for my own self development.
I've seen it work really well with my clients recently.
It's also something that I talk about in my book.
Secrets of the Career Game is like how to really create this identity for yourself out there outside of work.
(14:58):
And the reality is, so many of us see work as a reflection of who we are as a person.
We have a good day at work, we are a good person, we have a bad day at work, we suck and we're terrible and we don't deserve friendship.
Okay?
Whatever it is, whatever dramatic plays your mind takes you, and when we create that sense of connectivity between our identity and our work, we really lose ourselves.
(15:20):
So we're going to talk about a few different things that I do when it comes to your identity outside of work that I found really helpful that I've been doing with a lot of my clients lately.
So one is you have to have hobbies and interests, right?
If you're a parent, great.
You have your kids.
That's awesome.
You need more than that.
If you are not A parent.
You need a hobby.
You need to enjoy going to the gym or playing video games or reading or painting or baking or fill in the blank.
(15:46):
You need interests and hobbies that do not tie to your workplace, and they need to be ones you're doing fairly consistently.
I don't want you to say your hobby is traveling and you do it once a year.
Not enough.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
All right?
Kendall Berg (15:58):
You need hobbies that are consistent.
You also need habits, and those habits are going to become part of your identity.
I did a separate short on this on my YouTube channel that you can check out.
We'll put it in the show notes.
But in that I talk about how micro changes, 1% changes, really build up to big swings in your life.
(16:20):
And a lot of that comes down to the habits that you create.
So I have about 10 habits that I do every single day that help me stay structured.
Right?
I wake up early.
I walk three miles on an incline every morning.
I work out every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
I post on my social media every day.
I share in my stories every day.
I journal.
I do a Bible study.
(16:41):
I pray.
Like, I have these things that I do that help me stay structured.
I do outreach for my business.
I interact with my clients.
These habits are what compound and build into who you become.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
All right?
Kendall Berg (16:55):
But in order to know what habits you need to create, you need to know what you want to be.
So here is your second homework assignment of today's episode is you're going to create a future self cheat sheet.
So I have my future self cheat sheet, and I'm going to pull it up.
And I really love this.
Mine's on my remarkable tablet.
You can do this on a piece of paper.
(17:15):
It's fine.
I'm not really that judgy.
Okay.
And your cheat sheet is going to include a few things.
One at the top, it's going to have your name.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Right?
Kendall Berg (17:25):
This is you.
This is future you.
This is not somebody else.
This is not an alter ego.
This is you.
So start with your name, and then you're going to write a motto for who you are as a person.
This is not work related, Right?
This is you.
This is your identity.
All right, I'll share mine.
(17:45):
Mine is, I'm a woman who carries herself with grace and poise, who leads her family in Christ and love.
That is who I am as a person.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
All right?
Kendall Berg (17:54):
It's about how I make people feel.
It's about how I carry myself.
It's about how I walk into a room.
It's about what my values are.
And if you don't have your motto yet, it's okay.
We can do these next few exercises and go back and add your motto.
So then you're going to write out your big dream.
So your big dream is what is your life like in the future?
(18:15):
Who is future you?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Right.
Kendall Berg (18:18):
So my future me runs a successful business that helps people through coaching, books and speaking to improve their lives.
This gives me flexibility to be present with my family and spend time with God and on our home and our land.
I have no debt, and I live without a cloud of financial stress.
I am present with those around me.
All right, so this is your big dream.
What is your life like in the future?
(18:40):
What does it look like?
What does it feel like?
What is that going to accumulate to.
Then you're going to write out the things you say no to become that person.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Right?
Kendall Berg (18:50):
I say no to people and things that take me away from my family and my goals.
I say no to people who drain my energy or who are not supportive.
I say no to work that doesn't further my objectives.
I say no to financial decisions that increase my stress.
These are the things you say no to.
Write a list.
These are all the things you say no to as your future self.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:10):
And then you're going to write out all of the components of who your future self is.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
All right.
Kendall Berg (19:16):
And who your future self is physically.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:23):
What do they do physically?
How do they look physically?
What is their mindset?
How do they think about things?
What's their emotional response?
What is their career like?
Your work is a part of who you are, but it's not all of it.
What are your relationships like?
And then what is your lifestyle like?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:41):
So come up with those different pieces.
Physical mindset, career, relationships, lifestyle.
And write out who you are.
And then I want you to think of adjectives that describe this person.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:53):
So when I do my future self work, I talk a lot about Princess Diana.
I want to exude that type of welcoming, approachable energy.
But I want to be elegant, I want to be refined, and I also want to be willing to wear a revenge dress if the situation calls for it.
Okay.
To me, Princess Diana is like my future self.
(20:13):
Spirit animal, if you will.
Right.
So as you're writing these things out, think about how do you make people feel when you walk into a room?
How would people describe you if they saw you on the street?
Like, think through who this person really is.
Really visualize them.
And when you're writing out your lifestyle, what does your lifestyle look like?
You Know how much are you working?
(20:33):
How are you spending time in your hobbies?
What is your family like?
What are your interests?
How do you spend time with your different relationships?
Like, think through all those things.
Okay?
And then last but not least, we're going to write out the habits that are required to get there.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Right?
Kendall Berg (20:49):
So now you know what future self is like.
You know how they bring energy when they walk into a room, you know who they are, you know how they feel, you know they handle relationships, what they do for work, what their days look like, what types of things they say no to, what habits are needed to build you up closer and closer to that person.
All right, so the habits I have is hitting 10,000 steps every day and daily exercise, as I mentioned, I do my three mile walk every morning and I lift weights three times a week.
(21:16):
Eating less sweets.
This is a hard one for me.
I love a donut.
Okay, I actually don't love donuts, but I love cake, I love air fried dates, I love cookies.
Okay?
I need to spend active time with God and his Word and studying and prayer.
I need to be reading self development books on a regular basis.
I read one chapter in a self development book every day just to keep myself constantly learning or listening to a podcast episode, one of the two I need to be giving to my career coach community.
(21:47):
That means engaging with people in the comments, sharing stories, being present with them.
I need to spend quality time with my family without technology.
Big struggle for most of us, right?
So setting that technology aside, I want to be somebody who's volunteering regularly, who's seeing all the people in my community who still need help and support and being present with them.
(22:08):
Somebody who is cooking with happiness.
So this is a specific one for me because cooking becomes very utilitarian for me.
I'm busy.
I work a corporate job, a mom, I'm running a business.
And so cooking often becomes like, I do it because I have to and it's not fun.
But cooking when I have time, when I have space, when I can try something new and not be worried if it fails, we're not going to eat.
(22:31):
I need that for me, that's one of my hobbies.
So cooking with happiness and then paint by numbers is another one that I have.
So these are the habits that I build to support becoming the future self that I want to be.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Right?
Kendall Berg (22:43):
And I talked about some of like, the key words for me were grace and poise and elegance and approachability.
And so when I think of self development books and podcasts, they're Oriented around that.
About elegance, about being poised, about being graceful, about tapping into your feminine energy, about etiquette.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Right.
Kendall Berg (23:05):
These different things that are components of that.
They also include things like financial health and financial wealth and books that I like in that space.
So once you have this cheat sheet, if you didn't have a motto at the beginning, you should be able to kind of condense this into one sentence or even put it in chat gbt.
I love chatgpt for this.
I find it's really helpful.
But ultimately, what that's going to do is help you build an identity that you can feel confident in.
(23:31):
This is the person I'm becoming.
This is who I want to be.
This is how I'm showing up for the people around me.
This is how I'm showing up in work.
This is how I'm investing my time.
When you have that identity, you can create so much better separation between who you are and what you do at work.
And you're going to need that, right?
If not immediately over time, for sure, because that's how you're going to grow and evolve and develop without feeling like every little mistake is a reflection on who you are personally.
(24:01):
Now, if you're a journaler, journaling.
If you're somebody who likes to journaler.
If you are in the morning, there are a couple things that I do.
So one of these things I stole from Emma Watson.
She did an article where she talked about how she did this and I loved it.
And I've done it for three years now, and it's still like my favorite part of my day is every morning I do this, I write three things that brought me joy or gratitude the day before, three kind things that happened, either kind that I did for somebody else or they did for me, and three accomplishments of things I did well the day before.
(24:34):
And I write this out every day.
And I find it really helps with being grateful, with celebrating your small wins, with realizing the joy and the kindness and the happiness around you when our days can be so negative.
So if you want to adopt that, I think that's a really great daily journaling activity.
And the other one that I do is I do some type of future self prompt every morning.
(24:56):
So to be totally honest, I went to ChatGPT and I said, what are 15 daily prompts that I could write about to think more deeply about my future self?
So feel free to do that exercise.
But some of the ones that I have been writing recently are, you know, in times of self doubt, how would my future self speak to me.
How does my future self show up in relationships, at work, at home and with friends?
(25:21):
What habits does my future self practice consistently that I can start today, right?
If my future self was talking to me, what would they tell me to do differently?
Think through some of these prompts and if you're writing in it daily, it really helps you stay focused on what future self you're becoming.
It helps you get closer to your goals.
And again, all of this comes back to creating emotional separation from work.
(25:43):
If I'm working towards this goal of becoming my future self, like, yeah, I made a mistake in that spreadsheet.
But ultimately is that the most important thing?
Is that helping me get closer to my goals, is that helping me leave my family?
Probably not.
And so if you're staying in touch with that, you're going to have more resistance to the day to day fluctuations of what's going on with work and it's going to help you really keep those burnout levels down.
(26:05):
So hopefully you guys found today's episode helpful.
If you liked it, go ahead and leave us five stars.
If you have any questions for me, go ahead and put them down below in the comments.
Otherwise we will see you back here next week for another great episode.
The fastest route to burnout is by caring about things that your company and your boss doesn't.
Ultimately, when it comes to our career, it's very easy for us to put our sense of self and our sense of accomplishment in our work identity.
And that's why so many people in modern times are really burning out.
(00:20):
It doesn't help that a lot of us are working remotely or hybrid, and there's very little separation between work life and home life.
Something that we've seen happen over time is people checking their emails before they take their kids to school after dinner, their kids are in bed in between activities in the evenings, checking their phone on the weekends.
(00:42):
And because work has started to spill over into so many different areas of our life, what's ultimately happening is more and more of our mental load is carrying work priorities, and we're starting to get closer to that burnout point.
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game.
(01:02):
So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing.
On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtains and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster.
(01:23):
So burnout is really defined as the point where your emotional bandwidth runs out at work.
And what creates that burnout is too much emotional investment in work in the first place.
So I heard this quote this week.
The fastest route to burnout is caring about things that your company and your boss doesn't.
And I thought it was so true.
(01:45):
And I want to kind of double click into this and talk about it some more.
So in order to avoid this burnout issue of caring too much about the wrong things, number one, we have to know what the right things are.
This means that you have to understand the goals of your company, the goals of your boss, and the goals of your team.
And a lot of the time when I talk about this on this podcast, people will be in the comments and they're like, well, it's so obvious every company cares about the same thing.
(02:11):
Or of course I know what the priorities are, but I see it all the time where it is so easy to lose sight of the right priorities when you're in the day to day.
When we are working hard on 50 different day to day things, we get sucked into it, right?
We get tunnel vision and we start to think, oh, I have to do A, B, C and D. I have a checklist of 52 things that has to get done today.
(02:35):
And when we get sucked into that day to day, we lose sight of those high level priorities and we stop asking ourselves, are we working on the right things?
And instead we focus on doing the next thing.
When you are working, it is really important to take an inventory of the tasks you're working on and evaluate their performance holistically and without bias.
(02:58):
We all think our own work is the most important.
We do.
But being able to push back and really prioritize with your leadership becomes important.
I had this eye opening moment in my career.
It's been probably a decade since this happened.
I worked for a really great boss.
I was sharing this with a client the other week.
I had a complete mental breakdown in a conference room.
I was so busy.
(03:19):
I had so many things on my list.
I had so many things that were due.
That company did these like field days where we all went and bonded and did physical activity and kind of took the day off work.
And I felt like I couldn't go because I was so overwhelmed with the sheer number of tasks I was working on.
So I met with my boss, told him I wasn't going to be able to go.
(03:40):
I was stressed out.
And he's like, well, why don't you write out the things you're working on?
So I did.
I wrote this big long list of everything.
And he's like, I had no idea you were doing half of this.
And he starts scratching through things.
This is not important.
This is not important.
This is not worth your time.
You shouldn't be working on this.
Circled three things and said, work on those on Monday.
And it was such an eye opening experience for me because I felt completely justified in my stress and my overwhelm that I was working on all the right things.
(04:10):
And I've done other podcast episodes about how your boss doesn't know what you're working on.
Go listen to those if you're feeling a similar experience.
But what I didn't realize until that moment was although things seemed important to me, although things were urgent to the people around me, they weren't important in the bigger picture of what was going on in my company.
And so taking that step back to run an inventory of what you're working on and how it aligns to your priorities is actually really critical.
(04:37):
I get requests all the time for data for analysis.
Hey, can you answer this quick question?
Hey, we need to run on this.
And my conversation with my boss is constantly, hey, I only have so much capacity Here are the big things we're working on.
Something's got to drop.
So which is the least important of the things I'm working on?
And I have an opinion of what that least important thing is.
(04:58):
I have an opinion of what we should not be working on, but I'm ratifying that with my leadership so that I don't drop the wrong thing without full context.
This is very critical in your job.
You probably don't even realize all the things you're working on because you're just doing them.
Start to write out the things you're doing.
Make a list.
I don't care if it's okay.
Blank sheet of paper, unless you're driving, in which case you can do this later.
(05:22):
Blank sheet of paper.
Write out every single thing you're currently actively working on.
Even if it's something that's like, hey, I'm waiting for somebody to respond and then I'm going to pick this thing back up.
Write it out, everything you're working on, and then I want you to tag them as either bau, something that gets done regularly, business as usual or strategic initiative.
This is something that is driving the business forward.
(05:43):
It's part of a project, it is a enhancement, it's a new capability.
And I want you to tag them.
The third category would be like personal development.
If you're doing any kind of trainings or higher education or networking, those can kind of fall in that category.
And I want you to tag all of those items.
For most people, roughly 60% of that list should be strategic initiatives.
(06:05):
60 to 70.
Okay.
If you work a really technical role, think chemical engineer, nurse, a role that is highly technical, you may have the opposite where you're more BAU than you are strategic initiative.
And that's okay.
But I want you to assess it and then I want you to look through that list and identify anything you can delegate or anything that you believe truly is just not a high priority.
(06:29):
You're doing it because somebody asked you to do it.
But is it driving the business forward?
Is it adding immense value?
Is it creating an impact for the company?
If the answer is no, I want you to market.
And what this exercise helps us do is really assess our capacity against our priorities.
If you can do everything on your list and still have time to leave your desk to go get lunch and leave your desk to do a 30 minute walk once a day, you're probably right sized for your capacity.
(06:57):
If looking at your list makes you think you're only taking lunch at your desk and you're never leaving and you're working extra hours for the foreseeable future, Your list is too long and we need to deprioritize things.
And then it's that action of discussing it with your boss.
I have people who come to me all the time and they're like, oh, my boss doesn't care.
They tell me to do everything.
Now there's no room to deprioritize.
(07:20):
There are companies with cultures like that, don't get me wrong.
But if you don't deprioritize proactively, you're going to deprioritize on accident because not everything can get done.
So I'd rather do it on purpose than on accident.
And drop things that somebody thinks are really important.
That's not a good strategy either.
Okay, so write out your list marker things.
Then for the things that you're not going to drop that you are keeping high priority, I want you to map them to a company goal.
(07:47):
If you don't know your company goals, ask your boss.
If you don't know what's important in what your firm is working on, you have other issues and we will address those in separate podcasts.
Okay, I want you to tag them to a goal.
What is the impact you're driving?
If you cannot articulate your impact and how it helps the company, it is going to be very hard to get you promoted.
It's going to be very hard to create emotional distance.
(08:07):
It's going to be very hard for you to do your work and feel success when it's completed.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
All right?
Kendall Berg (08:14):
So number one, you have to understand your priorities so that you're not working on the wrong things.
The second thing is the emotional distance piece, and this is where the caring part comes in.
When we care about things too far of an extent, all right, you're going to invest your self identity in a specific solution or a specific outcome, and that's when things get really uncomfortable at work.
(08:39):
Okay, say you mow lawns for a living, all right?
And you care a lot about the edges of the lawn being perfect.
They have to be perfect.
They have to be straight.
There are no weeds.
They have to be exact height, like you're over there measuring it with a ruler every week.
Okay?
If you care about that and so you're charging more for your services because the edges are perfect and none of your clients care about it, they will eventually fire you and hire somebody else who's going to mow their lawn for a lot cheaper.
(09:10):
And yeah, maybe the edges aren't as Perfect.
But that's okay.
They don't care.
That is what happens when you care and you're emotionally invested in the wrong things for your company.
Now, if you're a high performer listening to this, just probably most of you're probably thinking, but they're stupid.
I'm frustrated because team A isn't doing their job.
(09:31):
I'm frustrated because I told them solution B wasn't going to work and they chose it anyways.
I'm frustrated because nobody's listening to me about this problem and I know it's going to blow up in six months and then it's going to be my problem to fix it.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Right.
Kendall Berg (09:42):
I hear you.
I do.
I see you.
Okay.
I empathize with you so much because I am there and I feel this.
But the reality is, at some point, you have to cut your loss to do your job.
You get paid for doing the work, not for being right.
Just remember that, okay?
And that requires some emotional distance.
(10:04):
If you really think solution A is the best choice and your boss picks solution B.
Rather than argue, rather than get really frustrated, rather than complain to your co worker at the water cooler.
I don't even know if we have water coolers anymore.
I want you instead to say, you know, I have some concerns with solution B that I've already mentioned.
(10:25):
I understand.
We want to move forward with solution A. I'll get started on that right away.
You're going to voice and document your concerns and risks and worries, and then you are going to accept it and move on the longer you hold to.
But solution B would better.
One, you're setting yourself up for failure because solution A is never going to be as good as solution B if you don't want it to be as good, frankly.
(10:46):
Two, you're going to upset people.
Your boss wants to hear your opinion.
They don't want to argue with you.
I have this struggle because I want people to understand.
I've talked about kings and specialists in separate episodes.
I'm a specialist.
I want everybody to understand the details.
I want to understand why things work the way they work.
And most people just don't care to understand the way that things work.
So my argument is, hey, I can do anything.
(11:10):
But certain things are going to be much more difficult and certain things are going to come with a lot more risk.
And once you share that, you're like, great, I'll get started on that right away.
That is your job.
That is what you get paid to do.
So one is you can't create emotional investment in Certain solutions, certain outcomes, and a certain project going well, it's just going to exhaust you.
It's going to make you frustrate, it's going to make you tired.
The second thing with emotional distance is you cannot swoop and save.
(11:34):
This is one of the things I coach high performers on the most.
It is not going to be popular coaching.
Somebody's gonna be in my comments like, this is terrible advice.
Cool, great.
Thanks, John.
Anyways, most high performers have a tendency to swoop and save.
I see a problem with team A, so I'm just gonna do team A's job for them because it's gonna make my life easier and I know there's not gonna be any issues and then the solution is gonna go out the door or person B dropped the ball on this, I'm just gonna pick it up, get it done, and send it out.
(12:04):
It's gonna make my life easier.
And they do this.
Swoop and save, right?
Like Superman.
You see somebody falling off a building and you're just like, whoop, I'm gonna pick you up, carry you, put you back on the ledge and move on with my life.
The issue with swooping and saving is if you are doing it too often for the same person, the same team, or the same process, nobody except you is feeling the pain of that broken thing.
(12:30):
So when you go to your boss and say, hey, team A is not doing their job, it's really frustrating.
I need some support.
I gotta get this fixed.
They don't care because you have swooped and saved every time so they don't feel the pain.
Only you feel the pain.
When you have a co worker who doesn't do their job and you go to your boss and you say, hey, I really need this person to like, not work here anymore.
I'm doing their job all the time.
(12:51):
Your boss does not believe you because they're not saying it because you're swooping and saving.
The issue with swooping and saving too much is your emotional investment is in the solution and you're making everyone else around you look good because you don't want to feel the pain of that solution.
However, to enact change, most often in the corporate workplace, more than just you is going to have to feel that pain, just to be honest.
(13:18):
And the more you swoop and save, the less people are going to feel the pain of that broken thing.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Right?
Kendall Berg (13:26):
I have run teams where our entire job is just to swoop and save.
The team I run today, our whole job is sweeping and saving.
Literally, it's the Whole reason we exist, somebody's not doing their job, we swoop and save.
The issue with that is when you need to enact change.
Your boss doesn't understand the gravity of the problem and they're not willing to back you up for solutions.
You have to let them feel a little bit of pain.
(13:48):
They ask for something and you're like, hey, I'd love to get it to you, but I still don't have this.
I've been waiting on it for person B for six weeks.
Let them bubble it up.
Let them complain to their boss.
Let them escalate.
There has to be enough space for escalation.
When you swoop and save, you have emotional investment in the solution, and there's no pain, and so there's no change.
You have to step back, let people fail, let processes fail.
(14:12):
Now, if it's your process and you own it, fix it, don't be dumb.
But if it's not your process and you're just a piece of things and things are constantly having issues, let it be painful.
Maybe not 100% of the time, but let it be painful when it's appropriate.
The third piece when it comes to avoiding burnout is that you have to have a strong sense of identity.
(14:36):
And I don't talk about mindset or identity too much on this podcast.
I think there's a lot of great resources on this out there.
But we're going to talk about it today because this is something that I personally have been investing in more for my own self development.
I've seen it work really well with my clients recently.
It's also something that I talk about in my book.
Secrets of the Career Game is like how to really create this identity for yourself out there outside of work.
(14:58):
And the reality is, so many of us see work as a reflection of who we are as a person.
We have a good day at work, we are a good person, we have a bad day at work, we suck and we're terrible and we don't deserve friendship.
Okay?
Whatever it is, whatever dramatic plays your mind takes you, and when we create that sense of connectivity between our identity and our work, we really lose ourselves.
(15:20):
So we're going to talk about a few different things that I do when it comes to your identity outside of work that I found really helpful that I've been doing with a lot of my clients lately.
So one is you have to have hobbies and interests, right?
If you're a parent, great.
You have your kids.
That's awesome.
You need more than that.
If you are not A parent.
You need a hobby.
You need to enjoy going to the gym or playing video games or reading or painting or baking or fill in the blank.
(15:46):
You need interests and hobbies that do not tie to your workplace, and they need to be ones you're doing fairly consistently.
I don't want you to say your hobby is traveling and you do it once a year.
Not enough.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
All right?
Kendall Berg (15:58):
You need hobbies that are consistent.
You also need habits, and those habits are going to become part of your identity.
I did a separate short on this on my YouTube channel that you can check out.
We'll put it in the show notes.
But in that I talk about how micro changes, 1% changes, really build up to big swings in your life.
(16:20):
And a lot of that comes down to the habits that you create.
So I have about 10 habits that I do every single day that help me stay structured.
Right?
I wake up early.
I walk three miles on an incline every morning.
I work out every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
I post on my social media every day.
I share in my stories every day.
I journal.
I do a Bible study.
(16:41):
I pray.
Like, I have these things that I do that help me stay structured.
I do outreach for my business.
I interact with my clients.
These habits are what compound and build into who you become.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
All right?
Kendall Berg (16:55):
But in order to know what habits you need to create, you need to know what you want to be.
So here is your second homework assignment of today's episode is you're going to create a future self cheat sheet.
So I have my future self cheat sheet, and I'm going to pull it up.
And I really love this.
Mine's on my remarkable tablet.
You can do this on a piece of paper.
(17:15):
It's fine.
I'm not really that judgy.
Okay.
And your cheat sheet is going to include a few things.
One at the top, it's going to have your name.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Right?
Kendall Berg (17:25):
This is you.
This is future you.
This is not somebody else.
This is not an alter ego.
This is you.
So start with your name, and then you're going to write a motto for who you are as a person.
This is not work related, Right?
This is you.
This is your identity.
All right, I'll share mine.
(17:45):
Mine is, I'm a woman who carries herself with grace and poise, who leads her family in Christ and love.
That is who I am as a person.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
All right?
Kendall Berg (17:54):
It's about how I make people feel.
It's about how I carry myself.
It's about how I walk into a room.
It's about what my values are.
And if you don't have your motto yet, it's okay.
We can do these next few exercises and go back and add your motto.
So then you're going to write out your big dream.
So your big dream is what is your life like in the future?
(18:15):
Who is future you?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Right.
Kendall Berg (18:18):
So my future me runs a successful business that helps people through coaching, books and speaking to improve their lives.
This gives me flexibility to be present with my family and spend time with God and on our home and our land.
I have no debt, and I live without a cloud of financial stress.
I am present with those around me.
All right, so this is your big dream.
What is your life like in the future?
(18:40):
What does it look like?
What does it feel like?
What is that going to accumulate to.
Then you're going to write out the things you say no to become that person.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Right?
Kendall Berg (18:50):
I say no to people and things that take me away from my family and my goals.
I say no to people who drain my energy or who are not supportive.
I say no to work that doesn't further my objectives.
I say no to financial decisions that increase my stress.
These are the things you say no to.
Write a list.
These are all the things you say no to as your future self.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:10):
And then you're going to write out all of the components of who your future self is.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
All right.
Kendall Berg (19:16):
And who your future self is physically.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:23):
What do they do physically?
How do they look physically?
What is their mindset?
How do they think about things?
What's their emotional response?
What is their career like?
Your work is a part of who you are, but it's not all of it.
What are your relationships like?
And then what is your lifestyle like?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:41):
So come up with those different pieces.
Physical mindset, career, relationships, lifestyle.
And write out who you are.
And then I want you to think of adjectives that describe this person.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Right.
Kendall Berg (19:53):
So when I do my future self work, I talk a lot about Princess Diana.
I want to exude that type of welcoming, approachable energy.
But I want to be elegant, I want to be refined, and I also want to be willing to wear a revenge dress if the situation calls for it.
Okay.
To me, Princess Diana is like my future self.
(20:13):
Spirit animal, if you will.
Right.
So as you're writing these things out, think about how do you make people feel when you walk into a room?
How would people describe you if they saw you on the street?
Like, think through who this person really is.
Really visualize them.
And when you're writing out your lifestyle, what does your lifestyle look like?
You Know how much are you working?
(20:33):
How are you spending time in your hobbies?
What is your family like?
What are your interests?
How do you spend time with your different relationships?
Like, think through all those things.
Okay?
And then last but not least, we're going to write out the habits that are required to get there.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Right?
Kendall Berg (20:49):
So now you know what future self is like.
You know how they bring energy when they walk into a room, you know who they are, you know how they feel, you know they handle relationships, what they do for work, what their days look like, what types of things they say no to, what habits are needed to build you up closer and closer to that person.
All right, so the habits I have is hitting 10,000 steps every day and daily exercise, as I mentioned, I do my three mile walk every morning and I lift weights three times a week.
(21:16):
Eating less sweets.
This is a hard one for me.
I love a donut.
Okay, I actually don't love donuts, but I love cake, I love air fried dates, I love cookies.
Okay?
I need to spend active time with God and his Word and studying and prayer.
I need to be reading self development books on a regular basis.
I read one chapter in a self development book every day just to keep myself constantly learning or listening to a podcast episode, one of the two I need to be giving to my career coach community.
(21:47):
That means engaging with people in the comments, sharing stories, being present with them.
I need to spend quality time with my family without technology.
Big struggle for most of us, right?
So setting that technology aside, I want to be somebody who's volunteering regularly, who's seeing all the people in my community who still need help and support and being present with them.
(22:08):
Somebody who is cooking with happiness.
So this is a specific one for me because cooking becomes very utilitarian for me.
I'm busy.
I work a corporate job, a mom, I'm running a business.
And so cooking often becomes like, I do it because I have to and it's not fun.
But cooking when I have time, when I have space, when I can try something new and not be worried if it fails, we're not going to eat.
(22:31):
I need that for me, that's one of my hobbies.
So cooking with happiness and then paint by numbers is another one that I have.
So these are the habits that I build to support becoming the future self that I want to be.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Right?
Kendall Berg (22:43):
And I talked about some of like, the key words for me were grace and poise and elegance and approachability.
And so when I think of self development books and podcasts, they're Oriented around that.
About elegance, about being poised, about being graceful, about tapping into your feminine energy, about etiquette.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Right.
Kendall Berg (23:05):
These different things that are components of that.
They also include things like financial health and financial wealth and books that I like in that space.
So once you have this cheat sheet, if you didn't have a motto at the beginning, you should be able to kind of condense this into one sentence or even put it in chat gbt.
I love chatgpt for this.
I find it's really helpful.
But ultimately, what that's going to do is help you build an identity that you can feel confident in.
(23:31):
This is the person I'm becoming.
This is who I want to be.
This is how I'm showing up for the people around me.
This is how I'm showing up in work.
This is how I'm investing my time.
When you have that identity, you can create so much better separation between who you are and what you do at work.
And you're going to need that, right?
If not immediately over time, for sure, because that's how you're going to grow and evolve and develop without feeling like every little mistake is a reflection on who you are personally.
(24:01):
Now, if you're a journaler, journaling.
If you're somebody who likes to journaler.
If you are in the morning, there are a couple things that I do.
So one of these things I stole from Emma Watson.
She did an article where she talked about how she did this and I loved it.
And I've done it for three years now, and it's still like my favorite part of my day is every morning I do this, I write three things that brought me joy or gratitude the day before, three kind things that happened, either kind that I did for somebody else or they did for me, and three accomplishments of things I did well the day before.
(24:34):
And I write this out every day.
And I find it really helps with being grateful, with celebrating your small wins, with realizing the joy and the kindness and the happiness around you when our days can be so negative.
So if you want to adopt that, I think that's a really great daily journaling activity.
And the other one that I do is I do some type of future self prompt every morning.
(24:56):
So to be totally honest, I went to ChatGPT and I said, what are 15 daily prompts that I could write about to think more deeply about my future self?
So feel free to do that exercise.
But some of the ones that I have been writing recently are, you know, in times of self doubt, how would my future self speak to me.
How does my future self show up in relationships, at work, at home and with friends?
(25:21):
What habits does my future self practice consistently that I can start today, right?
If my future self was talking to me, what would they tell me to do differently?
Think through some of these prompts and if you're writing in it daily, it really helps you stay focused on what future self you're becoming.
It helps you get closer to your goals.
And again, all of this comes back to creating emotional separation from work.
(25:43):
If I'm working towards this goal of becoming my future self, like, yeah, I made a mistake in that spreadsheet.
But ultimately is that the most important thing?
Is that helping me get closer to my goals, is that helping me leave my family?
Probably not.
And so if you're staying in touch with that, you're going to have more resistance to the day to day fluctuations of what's going on with work and it's going to help you really keep those burnout levels down.
(26:05):
So hopefully you guys found today's episode helpful.
If you liked it, go ahead and leave us five stars.
If you have any questions for me, go ahead and put them down below in the comments.
Otherwise we will see you back here next week for another great episode.
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.