May 5, 2025 • 27 mins
Burnout is everywhere—and I get why. We’ve wrapped our entire identity around our job titles, performance reviews, and LinkedIn headlines. I’ve been there. In this episode, I’m breaking down why so many of us are teetering on the edge of burnout and how I’ve learned (the hard way) to separate who I am from what I do.
This isn’t your average career pep talk. I’m sharing how hobbies—yes, actual non-monetized hobbies—helped me reclaim my identity, prevent emotional exhaustion, and show up more powerfully at work and in life. From pageantry to paint-by-numbers to running a business on the side, I talk about why your post-5pm life matters just as much as your 9-to-5. Whether you're deep in the "lazy girl job" spiral or wondering how to pivot out of career-induced chaos, this one’s for you.
📚 In this episode, we discuss:
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What are signs your job has become your entire identity?
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How do I stop comparing my career to influencers online?
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Can hobbies actually help you get promoted?
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Why do high-achievers burn out faster?
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What are some good hobbies for people with high-stress jobs?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The other side of burnout is a lot of people are burning out right now because our lives have begun to surround our job. Like our job is the number one focus. It's a huge part of our identity. It's what we think is the most important thing. It's how we value our self worth, it's how we value our capabilities. It's how we value what we make and money. And it's how we talk about it on the golf course with people and it's how we talk to our other mom friends of like, oh, what do you do for work? Like, pick. It has become such a focus, like, what do you do for work? That it has become our whole identity and we are burning out as a society because of that connection. And it's not good. It's not good.
(00:39):
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game. So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing. On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtain and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster. Welcome back, my lovelies. Today's podcast episode is going to be a little bit of an interesting one, a little different than our regularly scheduled content, but it's going to be a topic that I am finding increasingly important in the workplace and then a little bit more about my personal life.
(01:21):
I got a lot of DMS from you guys wanting to know more about what I do in my free time and what I do in my personal life, especially as I've done before, time management episodes of how I manage the million things on my plate. So today's episode is going to be a little bit about not burning out, having hobbies, and then a little bit more about me as an individual as it relates to my hobbies. So I feel like burning out is becoming increasingly common right now.
(01:50):
People are working longer hours, companies are having thinner staff, the expectations on employees are higher, and then it's not made any easier by the fact that we log online and we see an influencer who works two hours a day but made a million dollars last year, or somebody who's selling a course who only sells a 2999 course but made a million dollars last month. Like, it's hard when we're working hard at our jobs, we're sitting at our desk day after day, we're sitting on these meetings. Our mental load is High. We have all of these on our time, and then we look across the aisle and we're like, how come that person doesn't have to do anything? And they're making a ton of money.
(02:30):
So we're going to talk about that burnout aspect of this because a lot of the burnout is comparison based and it's just mental fatigue. We've talked about mental fatigue on my podcast before and mental load. Because when we're carrying more and more things in our brain, we get more and more tired. And it doesn't necessarily mean that we're working overtime. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're. We are stressed from a time management capability perspective. It's more about the fact that all of these things are sitting in our brain and it makes us very tired and it makes us just emotionally more brittle and more likely to burn out. So I want to address quickly the, like, online influencer comparison thing.
(03:08):
So as somebody who has a lot of followers and uses that platform to sell a course and work with clients and also has affiliate programs and all these things, I can tell you that it takes a lot more effort to make the money these influencers are claiming they make than they make it sound. So if you see all the videos that I see where this influencer is like, oh, I have only have 10,000 followers, but last month I made a million dollars in brand deals. Like, they probably hustled to death that month. And the number's probably not real. But even if the number is real, it takes so much to get brand deals, to do outreach, to work with them. Even if you have a PR team, you're a negotiat, you're in editing.
(03:49):
And then on top of that, to get people to buy your affiliate links, you have to constantly be telling people that you have affiliate links. You have to be constantly telling them to buy your program. So there's all this content that goes into building these business models. The only platform that actually pays that much is really YouTube. Let's all be honest. It doesn't pay much otherwise. And so I think it can be hard for us if we work a traditional corporate job. I mean, I still work my corporate job. You guys all know this. It's hard to sit there day after day and watch some influencer make a million dollars. Right? I get it. But the reality is, A, they may not even be making that much money.
(04:27):
B, if they are hustling like they are constantly thinking of content ideas, they're constantly editing, they're Constantly working with their team, they're constantly doing outreach, they're constantly bringing in brand deals. It's not as simple as, like, oh, I recorded a 30 second video this morning and I posted it and I made a million dollars. I promise it doesn't work that way. And C, you are still responsible for creating a career that you're going to enjoy. Maybe you want to be an influencer, Maybe you want to do a pivot. Maybe you want to change the way you're making your money. Do it, do it.
(04:56):
Like, as somebody who is doing both, huge recommendation to do both or to start something new if you have a passion for it, but don't see it as like an easy road to making a bunch of money, because you're going to be disappointed. I, that career coach was anomaly where one of my very first videos went viral and I had this huge follower base really quickly, but even so, it took me years to monetize the content itself. I had coaching clients relatively quickly, but it took years to monetize the content. And so don't be expecting this, like, wild influx of like, every brand is going to email me and they're going to want to work with me, they're going to want to pay me a million dollars. No, they're not. No, they're not.
(05:36):
Okay, so just keep in mind that, like, what you see on the Internet is not always true. As somebody who is literally doing both, it does not always work that way. Now, if you're smart and you're intentional and you're interested in that, can you create a pivot where that is your primary source of income? Heck, yeah, you can do it. I recently had a guest on my podcast who was saying that she makes more money off her YouTube than she does her clients now. And so that's been like, a good transition for her. You can absolutely build it, but you got to do it on purpose. And it's going to take time, it's going to take effort.
(06:07):
And there's an influencer who recently went viral on Vivian Tu's podcast, you're a rich bff, where he talked about how much money he made last year and went super viral. And everybody's like, oh, my gosh. And he's like, yeah, but you have to remember, for five years, I went to work all day, and then from 5 to 9, I shot content, I edited content, I posted content, and I made no money for three years. And then I started to make money, and then that money started to expand, and then I could add a team. And then it grew like, the same as starting any business is going to take time. So this is just a little bit on, like, that comparison piece because I.
(06:44):
I feel like I especially get dragged into that where I see other coaches who are like, I made a million dollars this month selling my program. And I'm like, really? How? Really how? But the reality is that, like, maybe they didn't. But I have one content creator in particular I follow who makes a million dollars a month or whatever it is, but she spends $900,000 on ads. So, like, what she's netting is not a million dollars. Now, would I like to make $100,000 a month? Sure. But, like, she's not netting that right. So, like, keep in mind that, like, some of these numbers that you see, they're just not real. If you want to create an influencer business, if you have questions, if you're curious about it, send me a dm. Love to answer. Comment below. Love to talk about that.
(07:25):
Maybe I'll do a whole separate series on like, the influencer game because it's like a totally. It is a totally different game. Okay, but when it comes to burnout, like, don't let yourself get sucked into this, like, black hole of. But I could be doing this and like, the lazy girl job. And like, what if I do this? Most jobs where you can be lazy pay less money time value of money, y'all. So keep in mind that, like, those influencers, they're hustling, they're going to every brand deal, they're going to every brand gig. They. They're paying for themselves to fly there. Because most brands do not pay to fly you unless you have like a million followers. But, like, even if you don't, they're not paying to fly you out. You're expected to pay and just attend.
(08:03):
So, like, don't let yourself get sucked into this comparison game. The other side of burnout is a lot of people are burning out right now because our lives have begun to surround our job. Like, our job is the number one focus. It's a huge part of our identity. It's what we think is the most important thing. It's how we value our self worth. It's how we value our capabilities. It's how we value what we make in money. And it's how we talk about it on the golf course with people and it's how we talk to our other mom friends of like, oh, what do you do for work? Like, it has become such a focus. Like, what do you do for work that it has become our whole identity and we are burning out as a society because of that connection.
(08:44):
And it's not good. It's not good. If you have been eagerly awaiting the Secrets of the Career Game book, it is officially available for pre order. This book will go over 36 strategies for building success in your career and honestly is some of my best lessons, best templates and best ways for you to start to get the success and the progression in your career that you deserve. If you do pre order the book, make sure that you email a screenshot of your Pre order to thatcareercoachmail.com in order to be added to our top secret community. In that community, you'll have access to me as well as 2 live Q& A sessions. When the book launches, you'll also get an extra early copy with the first chapter of the book. For you to read ahead, go to Amazon.
(09:29):
Find secrets of the career game 36 Strategies for your career. Go ahead, place your pre order and send us an email. This is Kendall's psa. Please do not make your work your entire identity. As somebody who a lot of their identity is in the corporate world, please don't do that. Okay, the struggle is one, how do we not do that? Which we'll talk about in a second. But two, what is really causing this? And the reality is with two income households being so popular, it is expected that everybody you meet who is an adult is working. That didn't used to always be the case. And so there was a lot less pressure I feel on what was your title? How much do you make? What do you do? Is there any money in that?
(10:11):
But I think now especially two income households are very common. Dink is very common. Like what we are seeing is that everybody is expected to have a job, that job is expected to make a lot of money, and then inflation is through the roof. And so they're expecting that you're making a lot of money if you're going to be able to afford a good lifestyle, right? So I think that so much of our identity has gotten wrapped up in this. Like what do you do for work? How much money do you make? Is there good money in that? And then with this introduction of side hustles on the Internet now everybody also has a side hustle.
(10:43):
So there's an implication that you're making even more money because your side hustle is supplementing enough to offset inflation and you have your corporate job and you're doing this and we are burning out at our core we are falling apart. And I don't want that for you. I don't want that for me. I don't want that for my kids. Like, we have got to change the culture. And so what we need to do is we need to separate our identity, who we are, from our job. Our job is what we do with our skills to make money, but it is not an identity of who we are as an individual. But most people struggle with this. So crash course. How do you have an identity?
(11:19):
So I will say, when I became a mom, my identity shifted a lot because before that, my entire identity was my job. And I was worried about having kids because I was like, what if I don't progress in my career as quickly? What if I'm not as good as my job? What if I have to take more time off work because my kids are sick? Like, what if, what if? Because I was so just completely based on what my career was. And becoming a mom did help me disconnect a lot of that, because my kids don't care what I do for work. You think they're asking what mommy does for work? No, they're asking why I have to work so much and if I can go to the park with them, that I get a lot. But to them, no.
(11:54):
Part of my identity to them is what I do for work. So if you have kids, maybe you've experienced it. I'd love to hear about your experience in the comments. If you don't have kids, that's okay. I'm not saying you have to run out and have kids. No judgment. No judgment. All right? Inflation is high. You keep that single income, no kids life. It's double income, no kids. Which is dink. If I said that earlier and you're like, what's a ding? Double income, no kids. If you're single income, no kids. Like, good for you, right? Live that life. Zero judgment for me. But I do think that having kids helped me kind of separate my identity a little bit, because to them, I'm just Mom. I'm not that career coach. I'm not Kendall Berg the author. I'm not Kendall Berg the director.
(12:34):
Like, I am just Mom. And that did help a lot. But for those of you guys who don't have kids, you're probably like, kendall, this is great. But, like, all I do is my job. I wake up early, I go to my job, I get home from my job, I think about my job. I check my emails, I make myself quick plate of food. I check my emails again. Then I Doom scroll TikTok till I pass out. Sound familiar? Sounds familiar to me. This is my life. But like, add in a bunch of other stuff. So when it comes to separating your identity, there are a few things that are key. One, who are you at your core? What are you good at? What makes you uniquely valuable that is separate from your job?
(13:12):
Now, we use those skills to progress our career, to advocate for ourselves to get promoted, but it is not who you are. So start with like, what are my skills? What am I good at? Quick and easy way to do this. I want you to write out 10 things you think you're good at. They don't have to be work related. In fact, at least five of them should not be work related. At least five. So five things, maybe you're work related, maybe not, but five things that aren't, that could be, I'm a loyal friend. I'm a good communicator. I make a mean cup of coffee. I don't care. Write out 10 things that you are good at. At least five of them must not be work related.
(13:47):
Okay, now that I've said that, all you're going to be able to think of is work related things. But like, take some time with this. Okay? Then you're going to bucket those things that you wrote into groups and attributes. So if you wrote I make a mean cup of coffee, right? Maybe that goes into. In my case, I would consider that homemaking. Maybe in your case it goes under entertaining because you have people over and you make them coffee a lot. Maybe it goes under career if you are a barista or if you own a coffee shop. Right? So think of themes in your 10 things and create some buckets of like, here's 10 things I'm good at. Here's kind of the categories they fall in, right?
(14:23):
I'm good at, like soft skills for me would probably be a category because I feel I am good at active communication both in my relationships and my work life. That would probably be a category of soft skills. So think about some categories. Think about 10 things you're good at. That is who you are. You may go by many titles. So then this is the next exercise. Write out all the titles. I am mom. I am wife. I am friend. I am daughter. I am sister. I am director. I am that career coach. I am author. I am CEO. Write out all your titles. Write them all out. Okay, you may have two. That's awesome. You may have 50. That's also awesome. All right, write out your titles. So you're going to take here's 10 things I'm good at.
(15:10):
Here's the categories of those things I'm good at. Here's all the titles I go by, and they need to be on separate pages. Do not do this exercise on the same page. Separate pages. And the reason is who you are and what you are good at is separate from the things people call you and the things people call you are not your identity. So this is where we're going to get into a little bit more about, like, my personal life. And then we're going to swing back around to hobbies. I promise. So I recently competed for Mrs. Colorado. This is my third year competing in pageantry. Before I was in my 30s, I had never competed in a pageant. I did not do Toddlers and Tiaras. I did not do Miss usa. If you did awesome, I want to chat about it.
(15:50):
But that was not my background. Okay. In my 30s, I had moved. I wanted to get more involved with nonprofits, and I want to get more involved with high achieving women. Where I lived and I did a pageant, and it was the best thing I've ever done, hands down, totally recommend it. Okay. Had an awesome experience. A lot of it depends on your system and your director and all kinds of things, but, like, super great for me. I competed three years. This year, I won the title of Mrs. Colorado American, which goes to compete for Mrs. American in Vegas in August. Okay, there you go. A little bit about me. But when I started doing pageantry, they're like, write a bio. Talk about yourself. Why should we pick you to be Mrs. Colorado?
(16:26):
And when I started doing that exercise, I found I had a lot of titles. Mom, author, CEO, influencer, director. I had tons of titles that I could fill that bio. But if you wanted to know me, I had nothing. I didn't know who I was. Separate from all of the titles that have taken over my life, I really didn't. So much of my identity was in my career. So much of my identity was being a mom. So much of my identity was working with nonprofits. Like, so much of my identity with these things that I did, these titles that I had and not who I was. And so what I had to learn is I'm pretty dang confident, all things considered. I'm not afraid to try new things or put myself out there. I'm a pretty good communicator.
(17:10):
I am able to try new hobbies, and I love trying new hobbies. Right. I had to do the 10 things I was good at, and I had to separate that from all of the titles of who I Am known as. Who I Am versus who I Am Known as. And going over this journey the last three years to ultimately winning the crown was that bio didn't change a whole lot. But how I understood myself and how I talked about myself changed dramatically. And so when you go through this exercise, you have to have your own identity. You have to have your own person. Now, I can add a new title to my list, Mrs. Colorado American. But what skills that ties into is my love of giving back to the community, my ability to communicate, my time with my family. Right.
(17:56):
These are the types of things that I'm good at, that I enjoy doing, that are part of who I am, that then resonate with that title, but they are not the same thing. That crown is gonna go away in a year. I have it for one year to make an impact, to do something cool. I'm real jazzed about it. Not even gonna lie. But it is one year of my life, and who I am has to carry me through much more after this. And so we want who we are and what we're known as to be separate. All right, now, the last piece of this is when it comes to avoiding burnout and really optimizing your life and optimizing your identity, you need a hobby. Yeah, I'm gonna let that sit for, like, just a sec. You need a hobby. Love you, Boo.
(18:36):
You need a hobby. Okay. And I hear from so many people, well, Kendall, like, between taking my kids to their activities and working, like, I don't have time for a hobby. I don't have time to do anything for myself. I have to do these things for other people. And I'm the first to admit that I'm in a really blessed position where I generally work from home, and I have a husband who's wildly supportive and lets me do all kinds of fun stuff, like compete in pageantry. So I will admit that I'm in a situation that allows me a little bit more flexibility. But even when I went into the office five days a week and had two young kids and was married, I still had hobbies. Okay?
(19:14):
You need a hobby you do for your mental health, to keep yourself from burning out and to give you different outlets for your identity. It is not your identity, but it is an outlet for it. You must have a hobby, and part of having a hobby is having a hobby with a similar stress level as whatever you do for work. Now, stress level does not mean physical. I think you should be physical. I think you should move your body. I think you should work out because it's good for you mentally and physically in general. I'm not a personal trainer. I'm not a dietitian. I'm not trying to sell you a fitness program. You don't want to work out, don't work out. I don't care. But you need a hobby that has a similar stress level to what you do for work.
(19:52):
The mistake I see people make is, oh, I have such a stressful job. I want my hobby to be something super calm, like knitting. Have you ever tried to go from a really, really stressful role to doing something like sitting still and knitting? My brain is like a million miles an hour thinking about everything that happened at work, everything I have to do, it's going through my to do list. Suddenly knitting is not fun for me anymore and I throw it to the side and I go do bajillion things I need to do. Hobby failed. Okay, Your hobby needs to be something with a similar mental or physical stress level to what you do for work. I work a very high stress job and I run my own company. Very high stress work levels. My hobbies include pageantry.
(20:34):
High stress level, competition, working out, and fitness. High stress level in order to support my competition and paint by numbers. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking paint by numbers is super calming. Why is that different from knitting? It is different because if you've ever looked at a paint by number, there are a bajillion itty bitty little areas to paint. They all have numbers in them. And I have a number 10 paint open and I have to find all the little tens on the piece of paper and I can't think about anything except for where I'm painting. So it's not physically stressful, but it is mentally stressful. And I need that to calm down. Now. I love that it's also creative.
(21:14):
I love that at the end I get to be really proud of something that I made love, that my husband framed my first one to hang in his office, even though it's not that good because he loves me. Yes, there are other aspects of paint by numbers that I love, but for me, it is a similar stress level to what I do for work. You need a similar stress level hobby. Now, that can be video games, right? Not physical, but mentally stressful because you're trying not to die in an mmorpg, for example, or you're trying to storm a castle or beat a boss or do whatever it is you're trying to do in that video game. Maybe that is your decompression. Not physically stressful, but mentally stressful. Maybe it is going for a run. Maybe it is playing tennis.
(21:56):
Maybe it is something physically strenuous that helps you get your mind off of work. Maybe it is something very meticulous like building Legos. Ever try to read Lego instructions? Yeah. Very mentally strenuous. You can't think about anything except for, like, where the F is this piece that I've been looking for 10 minutes that's supposed to be in this little baggie that I know was in this little baggie but has somehow disappeared into the ether now that I need it, Right. Legos. Pick something where your brain is going to be wholly focused on that thing because that is the only way you are going to decompress from work. Now, if you start at a high stress level, then your body starts to calm down, your stress starts to recede, you haven't thought about work in a little while.
(22:35):
Then maybe you go into a calmer hobby. Then maybe you start knitting, Then maybe you go for a really relaxing walk. Like, think of something that's going to help you transition from a high stress environment and then something more calm. So that's kind of how hobbies should work. I had an individual on my podcast, I will tag it down below. She's from the unconventional podcast and she's an ADHD specialist and she talks about how ADHD people. Because we don't have the same dopamine levels, we need hobbies that are the same stress level. And I'd never considered that before, but it explained why hobbies like coloring didn't work for me.
(23:13):
Because as much as I loved coloring, all I'm doing is thinking about my to do list while I'm doing it and waiting for my timer to go off so I can go back and get things done. Same with knitting. Same with all these calming hobbies that I wanted. But for me, gardening, where I have to think about, like, oh, okay, did I plant things in the right spot? What's going on with this plant? Like, to me, that is mentally stressful enough that I can decompress with that, and then taking the food from that to go is my, like, more chill hobby that goes with it. So think of these types of things.
(23:40):
The more you start to prioritize your hobbies, the less your identity will be tied to work, the less likely you are to burn out and the more likely you are to be able to do the exercise. I mentioned earlier where we're separating what we're good at. From what we're known as. When you can do all of this and put all these pieces together, your life will be so much more fulfilled. Because in the end, this is just a job. It's just a job. 90% of the people listening to this podcast, you are not out there saving lives on a daily basis. If you are in that 10% that are saving lives, we thank you for your service. But in general, it is still just a job.
(24:19):
It is something that we do for a paycheck so that we can go do the things we like with that money and not be destitute. Right. When so much of your identity is tied to the job, we are more emotionally reactive. We are less likely to progress our careers. I know that goes counter to what you're thinking right now, but I promise you, the more emotionally invested you are in your job, the less likely you are to get promoted and the less freedom we have to make decisions that empower us. If your whole identity is being called a director, you are not empowered to go pursue that dream job that you want to start. Maybe you heard the beginning of this podcast and you thought, oh, I want to be an influencer, I do, but I don't have time and I'm so stressed.
(25:00):
And da, da. If you are tied to your title, if your identity is in that title, you are never going to have the freedom to go start that influencer business. If you are tied to your title, you are never going to be able to leave that company to go to a company that's a better fit, that calls you something different, that has a different title for your job. You must create emotional distance between your work in order to optimize your career and make choices in the freedom that it allows you that are going to make you feel more successful and more satisfied. That's where you need to be. I can tell you that Starting career coach, I've talked about this before, was almost a little bit of an accident because I have been coaching for years, but really through referral only.
(25:38):
My husband's like, you forgot to put advice on the Internet. I was like, who wants to log off work and then listen to me talk about work in their free time? Who wants to do that? Nobody, apparently, a lot of you guys, but I thought nobody. And he was like, just put a few videos out there. And I did. And it went really well and it got a lot of traction and then my business was born out of it. But the freedom my business has given me is not necessarily the business itself. The freedom my business has given me is that I'm not as worried about my corporate career. If they need to let me go, if they decide to do a reorg, okay, I have other options. I have freedom to make decisions that empower me.
(26:17):
I have the freedom to go find something else. If they make a decision on a project at work that I'm like, that's not the right way to do this. I'm a lot less emotionally invested. It gave me a lot of freedom, the same way that pageantry has given me a lot of freedom in my career. Because if they say, hey, we've got this thing going on, you know, we feel really strongly about doing this. I'm like, okay, I really need to be going to volunteer with this group. I am not as emotionally invested in what decisions are taking place at work because more of my bandwidth is going towards thinking about my pageantry. The whole point of this entire episode is really about you, the individual.
(26:55):
We talk on this podcast a lot about how to be successful in your career, which I obviously think is very important. It is the bread and butter. It's how we make our money. I get that. We talk a lot about how to navigate corporate politics, how to communicate effectively. What I'm telling you in this episode is that you need to put yourself first. You need to step outside of the job to think about the person. And when you can do that, when you can create that identity, you're going to better interviews, you're going to better at advocating for yourself, you're going to better at going into promotion conversations, and you're going to better at disconnecting so that you don't burn out and you don't have this emotional connectivity. So I hope you guys liked today's episode.
(27:32):
I know it was a little bit different than what we normally talk about. If you have any questions or feedback on it, please leave it in the comments below so that I can get back to you guys. Otherwise, if you like today's episode, go ahead and give us five stars and we will be back next week with another great episode for.
The other side of burnout is a lot of people are burning out right now because our lives have begun to surround our job. Like our job is the number one focus. It's a huge part of our identity. It's what we think is the most important thing. It's how we value our self worth, it's how we value our capabilities. It's how we value what we make and money. And it's how we talk about it on the golf course with people and it's how we talk to our other mom friends of like, oh, what do you do for work? Like, pick. It has become such a focus, like, what do you do for work? That it has become our whole identity and we are burning out as a society because of that connection. And it's not good. It's not good.
(00:39):
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game. So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing. On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtain and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster. Welcome back, my lovelies. Today's podcast episode is going to be a little bit of an interesting one, a little different than our regularly scheduled content, but it's going to be a topic that I am finding increasingly important in the workplace and then a little bit more about my personal life.
(01:21):
I got a lot of DMS from you guys wanting to know more about what I do in my free time and what I do in my personal life, especially as I've done before, time management episodes of how I manage the million things on my plate. So today's episode is going to be a little bit about not burning out, having hobbies, and then a little bit more about me as an individual as it relates to my hobbies. So I feel like burning out is becoming increasingly common right now.
(01:50):
People are working longer hours, companies are having thinner staff, the expectations on employees are higher, and then it's not made any easier by the fact that we log online and we see an influencer who works two hours a day but made a million dollars last year, or somebody who's selling a course who only sells a 2999 course but made a million dollars last month. Like, it's hard when we're working hard at our jobs, we're sitting at our desk day after day, we're sitting on these meetings. Our mental load is High. We have all of these on our time, and then we look across the aisle and we're like, how come that person doesn't have to do anything? And they're making a ton of money.
(02:30):
So we're going to talk about that burnout aspect of this because a lot of the burnout is comparison based and it's just mental fatigue. We've talked about mental fatigue on my podcast before and mental load. Because when we're carrying more and more things in our brain, we get more and more tired. And it doesn't necessarily mean that we're working overtime. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're. We are stressed from a time management capability perspective. It's more about the fact that all of these things are sitting in our brain and it makes us very tired and it makes us just emotionally more brittle and more likely to burn out. So I want to address quickly the, like, online influencer comparison thing.
(03:08):
So as somebody who has a lot of followers and uses that platform to sell a course and work with clients and also has affiliate programs and all these things, I can tell you that it takes a lot more effort to make the money these influencers are claiming they make than they make it sound. So if you see all the videos that I see where this influencer is like, oh, I have only have 10,000 followers, but last month I made a million dollars in brand deals. Like, they probably hustled to death that month. And the number's probably not real. But even if the number is real, it takes so much to get brand deals, to do outreach, to work with them. Even if you have a PR team, you're a negotiat, you're in editing.
(03:49):
And then on top of that, to get people to buy your affiliate links, you have to constantly be telling people that you have affiliate links. You have to be constantly telling them to buy your program. So there's all this content that goes into building these business models. The only platform that actually pays that much is really YouTube. Let's all be honest. It doesn't pay much otherwise. And so I think it can be hard for us if we work a traditional corporate job. I mean, I still work my corporate job. You guys all know this. It's hard to sit there day after day and watch some influencer make a million dollars. Right? I get it. But the reality is, A, they may not even be making that much money.
(04:27):
B, if they are hustling like they are constantly thinking of content ideas, they're constantly editing, they're Constantly working with their team, they're constantly doing outreach, they're constantly bringing in brand deals. It's not as simple as, like, oh, I recorded a 30 second video this morning and I posted it and I made a million dollars. I promise it doesn't work that way. And C, you are still responsible for creating a career that you're going to enjoy. Maybe you want to be an influencer, Maybe you want to do a pivot. Maybe you want to change the way you're making your money. Do it, do it.
(04:56):
Like, as somebody who is doing both, huge recommendation to do both or to start something new if you have a passion for it, but don't see it as like an easy road to making a bunch of money, because you're going to be disappointed. I, that career coach was anomaly where one of my very first videos went viral and I had this huge follower base really quickly, but even so, it took me years to monetize the content itself. I had coaching clients relatively quickly, but it took years to monetize the content. And so don't be expecting this, like, wild influx of like, every brand is going to email me and they're going to want to work with me, they're going to want to pay me a million dollars. No, they're not. No, they're not.
(05:36):
Okay, so just keep in mind that, like, what you see on the Internet is not always true. As somebody who is literally doing both, it does not always work that way. Now, if you're smart and you're intentional and you're interested in that, can you create a pivot where that is your primary source of income? Heck, yeah, you can do it. I recently had a guest on my podcast who was saying that she makes more money off her YouTube than she does her clients now. And so that's been like, a good transition for her. You can absolutely build it, but you got to do it on purpose. And it's going to take time, it's going to take effort.
(06:07):
And there's an influencer who recently went viral on Vivian Tu's podcast, you're a rich bff, where he talked about how much money he made last year and went super viral. And everybody's like, oh, my gosh. And he's like, yeah, but you have to remember, for five years, I went to work all day, and then from 5 to 9, I shot content, I edited content, I posted content, and I made no money for three years. And then I started to make money, and then that money started to expand, and then I could add a team. And then it grew like, the same as starting any business is going to take time. So this is just a little bit on, like, that comparison piece because I.
(06:44):
I feel like I especially get dragged into that where I see other coaches who are like, I made a million dollars this month selling my program. And I'm like, really? How? Really how? But the reality is that, like, maybe they didn't. But I have one content creator in particular I follow who makes a million dollars a month or whatever it is, but she spends $900,000 on ads. So, like, what she's netting is not a million dollars. Now, would I like to make $100,000 a month? Sure. But, like, she's not netting that right. So, like, keep in mind that, like, some of these numbers that you see, they're just not real. If you want to create an influencer business, if you have questions, if you're curious about it, send me a dm. Love to answer. Comment below. Love to talk about that.
(07:25):
Maybe I'll do a whole separate series on like, the influencer game because it's like a totally. It is a totally different game. Okay, but when it comes to burnout, like, don't let yourself get sucked into this, like, black hole of. But I could be doing this and like, the lazy girl job. And like, what if I do this? Most jobs where you can be lazy pay less money time value of money, y'all. So keep in mind that, like, those influencers, they're hustling, they're going to every brand deal, they're going to every brand gig. They. They're paying for themselves to fly there. Because most brands do not pay to fly you unless you have like a million followers. But, like, even if you don't, they're not paying to fly you out. You're expected to pay and just attend.
(08:03):
So, like, don't let yourself get sucked into this comparison game. The other side of burnout is a lot of people are burning out right now because our lives have begun to surround our job. Like, our job is the number one focus. It's a huge part of our identity. It's what we think is the most important thing. It's how we value our self worth. It's how we value our capabilities. It's how we value what we make in money. And it's how we talk about it on the golf course with people and it's how we talk to our other mom friends of like, oh, what do you do for work? Like, it has become such a focus. Like, what do you do for work that it has become our whole identity and we are burning out as a society because of that connection.
(08:44):
And it's not good. It's not good. If you have been eagerly awaiting the Secrets of the Career Game book, it is officially available for pre order. This book will go over 36 strategies for building success in your career and honestly is some of my best lessons, best templates and best ways for you to start to get the success and the progression in your career that you deserve. If you do pre order the book, make sure that you email a screenshot of your Pre order to thatcareercoachmail.com in order to be added to our top secret community. In that community, you'll have access to me as well as 2 live Q& A sessions. When the book launches, you'll also get an extra early copy with the first chapter of the book. For you to read ahead, go to Amazon.
(09:29):
Find secrets of the career game 36 Strategies for your career. Go ahead, place your pre order and send us an email. This is Kendall's psa. Please do not make your work your entire identity. As somebody who a lot of their identity is in the corporate world, please don't do that. Okay, the struggle is one, how do we not do that? Which we'll talk about in a second. But two, what is really causing this? And the reality is with two income households being so popular, it is expected that everybody you meet who is an adult is working. That didn't used to always be the case. And so there was a lot less pressure I feel on what was your title? How much do you make? What do you do? Is there any money in that?
(10:11):
But I think now especially two income households are very common. Dink is very common. Like what we are seeing is that everybody is expected to have a job, that job is expected to make a lot of money, and then inflation is through the roof. And so they're expecting that you're making a lot of money if you're going to be able to afford a good lifestyle, right? So I think that so much of our identity has gotten wrapped up in this. Like what do you do for work? How much money do you make? Is there good money in that? And then with this introduction of side hustles on the Internet now everybody also has a side hustle.
(10:43):
So there's an implication that you're making even more money because your side hustle is supplementing enough to offset inflation and you have your corporate job and you're doing this and we are burning out at our core we are falling apart. And I don't want that for you. I don't want that for me. I don't want that for my kids. Like, we have got to change the culture. And so what we need to do is we need to separate our identity, who we are, from our job. Our job is what we do with our skills to make money, but it is not an identity of who we are as an individual. But most people struggle with this. So crash course. How do you have an identity?
(11:19):
So I will say, when I became a mom, my identity shifted a lot because before that, my entire identity was my job. And I was worried about having kids because I was like, what if I don't progress in my career as quickly? What if I'm not as good as my job? What if I have to take more time off work because my kids are sick? Like, what if, what if? Because I was so just completely based on what my career was. And becoming a mom did help me disconnect a lot of that, because my kids don't care what I do for work. You think they're asking what mommy does for work? No, they're asking why I have to work so much and if I can go to the park with them, that I get a lot. But to them, no.
(11:54):
Part of my identity to them is what I do for work. So if you have kids, maybe you've experienced it. I'd love to hear about your experience in the comments. If you don't have kids, that's okay. I'm not saying you have to run out and have kids. No judgment. No judgment. All right? Inflation is high. You keep that single income, no kids life. It's double income, no kids. Which is dink. If I said that earlier and you're like, what's a ding? Double income, no kids. If you're single income, no kids. Like, good for you, right? Live that life. Zero judgment for me. But I do think that having kids helped me kind of separate my identity a little bit, because to them, I'm just Mom. I'm not that career coach. I'm not Kendall Berg the author. I'm not Kendall Berg the director.
(12:34):
Like, I am just Mom. And that did help a lot. But for those of you guys who don't have kids, you're probably like, kendall, this is great. But, like, all I do is my job. I wake up early, I go to my job, I get home from my job, I think about my job. I check my emails, I make myself quick plate of food. I check my emails again. Then I Doom scroll TikTok till I pass out. Sound familiar? Sounds familiar to me. This is my life. But like, add in a bunch of other stuff. So when it comes to separating your identity, there are a few things that are key. One, who are you at your core? What are you good at? What makes you uniquely valuable that is separate from your job?
(13:12):
Now, we use those skills to progress our career, to advocate for ourselves to get promoted, but it is not who you are. So start with like, what are my skills? What am I good at? Quick and easy way to do this. I want you to write out 10 things you think you're good at. They don't have to be work related. In fact, at least five of them should not be work related. At least five. So five things, maybe you're work related, maybe not, but five things that aren't, that could be, I'm a loyal friend. I'm a good communicator. I make a mean cup of coffee. I don't care. Write out 10 things that you are good at. At least five of them must not be work related.
(13:47):
Okay, now that I've said that, all you're going to be able to think of is work related things. But like, take some time with this. Okay? Then you're going to bucket those things that you wrote into groups and attributes. So if you wrote I make a mean cup of coffee, right? Maybe that goes into. In my case, I would consider that homemaking. Maybe in your case it goes under entertaining because you have people over and you make them coffee a lot. Maybe it goes under career if you are a barista or if you own a coffee shop. Right? So think of themes in your 10 things and create some buckets of like, here's 10 things I'm good at. Here's kind of the categories they fall in, right?
(14:23):
I'm good at, like soft skills for me would probably be a category because I feel I am good at active communication both in my relationships and my work life. That would probably be a category of soft skills. So think about some categories. Think about 10 things you're good at. That is who you are. You may go by many titles. So then this is the next exercise. Write out all the titles. I am mom. I am wife. I am friend. I am daughter. I am sister. I am director. I am that career coach. I am author. I am CEO. Write out all your titles. Write them all out. Okay, you may have two. That's awesome. You may have 50. That's also awesome. All right, write out your titles. So you're going to take here's 10 things I'm good at.
(15:10):
Here's the categories of those things I'm good at. Here's all the titles I go by, and they need to be on separate pages. Do not do this exercise on the same page. Separate pages. And the reason is who you are and what you are good at is separate from the things people call you and the things people call you are not your identity. So this is where we're going to get into a little bit more about, like, my personal life. And then we're going to swing back around to hobbies. I promise. So I recently competed for Mrs. Colorado. This is my third year competing in pageantry. Before I was in my 30s, I had never competed in a pageant. I did not do Toddlers and Tiaras. I did not do Miss usa. If you did awesome, I want to chat about it.
(15:50):
But that was not my background. Okay. In my 30s, I had moved. I wanted to get more involved with nonprofits, and I want to get more involved with high achieving women. Where I lived and I did a pageant, and it was the best thing I've ever done, hands down, totally recommend it. Okay. Had an awesome experience. A lot of it depends on your system and your director and all kinds of things, but, like, super great for me. I competed three years. This year, I won the title of Mrs. Colorado American, which goes to compete for Mrs. American in Vegas in August. Okay, there you go. A little bit about me. But when I started doing pageantry, they're like, write a bio. Talk about yourself. Why should we pick you to be Mrs. Colorado?
(16:26):
And when I started doing that exercise, I found I had a lot of titles. Mom, author, CEO, influencer, director. I had tons of titles that I could fill that bio. But if you wanted to know me, I had nothing. I didn't know who I was. Separate from all of the titles that have taken over my life, I really didn't. So much of my identity was in my career. So much of my identity was being a mom. So much of my identity was working with nonprofits. Like, so much of my identity with these things that I did, these titles that I had and not who I was. And so what I had to learn is I'm pretty dang confident, all things considered. I'm not afraid to try new things or put myself out there. I'm a pretty good communicator.
(17:10):
I am able to try new hobbies, and I love trying new hobbies. Right. I had to do the 10 things I was good at, and I had to separate that from all of the titles of who I Am known as. Who I Am versus who I Am Known as. And going over this journey the last three years to ultimately winning the crown was that bio didn't change a whole lot. But how I understood myself and how I talked about myself changed dramatically. And so when you go through this exercise, you have to have your own identity. You have to have your own person. Now, I can add a new title to my list, Mrs. Colorado American. But what skills that ties into is my love of giving back to the community, my ability to communicate, my time with my family. Right.
(17:56):
These are the types of things that I'm good at, that I enjoy doing, that are part of who I am, that then resonate with that title, but they are not the same thing. That crown is gonna go away in a year. I have it for one year to make an impact, to do something cool. I'm real jazzed about it. Not even gonna lie. But it is one year of my life, and who I am has to carry me through much more after this. And so we want who we are and what we're known as to be separate. All right, now, the last piece of this is when it comes to avoiding burnout and really optimizing your life and optimizing your identity, you need a hobby. Yeah, I'm gonna let that sit for, like, just a sec. You need a hobby. Love you, Boo.
(18:36):
You need a hobby. Okay. And I hear from so many people, well, Kendall, like, between taking my kids to their activities and working, like, I don't have time for a hobby. I don't have time to do anything for myself. I have to do these things for other people. And I'm the first to admit that I'm in a really blessed position where I generally work from home, and I have a husband who's wildly supportive and lets me do all kinds of fun stuff, like compete in pageantry. So I will admit that I'm in a situation that allows me a little bit more flexibility. But even when I went into the office five days a week and had two young kids and was married, I still had hobbies. Okay?
(19:14):
You need a hobby you do for your mental health, to keep yourself from burning out and to give you different outlets for your identity. It is not your identity, but it is an outlet for it. You must have a hobby, and part of having a hobby is having a hobby with a similar stress level as whatever you do for work. Now, stress level does not mean physical. I think you should be physical. I think you should move your body. I think you should work out because it's good for you mentally and physically in general. I'm not a personal trainer. I'm not a dietitian. I'm not trying to sell you a fitness program. You don't want to work out, don't work out. I don't care. But you need a hobby that has a similar stress level to what you do for work.
(19:52):
The mistake I see people make is, oh, I have such a stressful job. I want my hobby to be something super calm, like knitting. Have you ever tried to go from a really, really stressful role to doing something like sitting still and knitting? My brain is like a million miles an hour thinking about everything that happened at work, everything I have to do, it's going through my to do list. Suddenly knitting is not fun for me anymore and I throw it to the side and I go do bajillion things I need to do. Hobby failed. Okay, Your hobby needs to be something with a similar mental or physical stress level to what you do for work. I work a very high stress job and I run my own company. Very high stress work levels. My hobbies include pageantry.
(20:34):
High stress level, competition, working out, and fitness. High stress level in order to support my competition and paint by numbers. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking paint by numbers is super calming. Why is that different from knitting? It is different because if you've ever looked at a paint by number, there are a bajillion itty bitty little areas to paint. They all have numbers in them. And I have a number 10 paint open and I have to find all the little tens on the piece of paper and I can't think about anything except for where I'm painting. So it's not physically stressful, but it is mentally stressful. And I need that to calm down. Now. I love that it's also creative.
(21:14):
I love that at the end I get to be really proud of something that I made love, that my husband framed my first one to hang in his office, even though it's not that good because he loves me. Yes, there are other aspects of paint by numbers that I love, but for me, it is a similar stress level to what I do for work. You need a similar stress level hobby. Now, that can be video games, right? Not physical, but mentally stressful because you're trying not to die in an mmorpg, for example, or you're trying to storm a castle or beat a boss or do whatever it is you're trying to do in that video game. Maybe that is your decompression. Not physically stressful, but mentally stressful. Maybe it is going for a run. Maybe it is playing tennis.
(21:56):
Maybe it is something physically strenuous that helps you get your mind off of work. Maybe it is something very meticulous like building Legos. Ever try to read Lego instructions? Yeah. Very mentally strenuous. You can't think about anything except for, like, where the F is this piece that I've been looking for 10 minutes that's supposed to be in this little baggie that I know was in this little baggie but has somehow disappeared into the ether now that I need it, Right. Legos. Pick something where your brain is going to be wholly focused on that thing because that is the only way you are going to decompress from work. Now, if you start at a high stress level, then your body starts to calm down, your stress starts to recede, you haven't thought about work in a little while.
(22:35):
Then maybe you go into a calmer hobby. Then maybe you start knitting, Then maybe you go for a really relaxing walk. Like, think of something that's going to help you transition from a high stress environment and then something more calm. So that's kind of how hobbies should work. I had an individual on my podcast, I will tag it down below. She's from the unconventional podcast and she's an ADHD specialist and she talks about how ADHD people. Because we don't have the same dopamine levels, we need hobbies that are the same stress level. And I'd never considered that before, but it explained why hobbies like coloring didn't work for me.
(23:13):
Because as much as I loved coloring, all I'm doing is thinking about my to do list while I'm doing it and waiting for my timer to go off so I can go back and get things done. Same with knitting. Same with all these calming hobbies that I wanted. But for me, gardening, where I have to think about, like, oh, okay, did I plant things in the right spot? What's going on with this plant? Like, to me, that is mentally stressful enough that I can decompress with that, and then taking the food from that to go is my, like, more chill hobby that goes with it. So think of these types of things.
(23:40):
The more you start to prioritize your hobbies, the less your identity will be tied to work, the less likely you are to burn out and the more likely you are to be able to do the exercise. I mentioned earlier where we're separating what we're good at. From what we're known as. When you can do all of this and put all these pieces together, your life will be so much more fulfilled. Because in the end, this is just a job. It's just a job. 90% of the people listening to this podcast, you are not out there saving lives on a daily basis. If you are in that 10% that are saving lives, we thank you for your service. But in general, it is still just a job.
(24:19):
It is something that we do for a paycheck so that we can go do the things we like with that money and not be destitute. Right. When so much of your identity is tied to the job, we are more emotionally reactive. We are less likely to progress our careers. I know that goes counter to what you're thinking right now, but I promise you, the more emotionally invested you are in your job, the less likely you are to get promoted and the less freedom we have to make decisions that empower us. If your whole identity is being called a director, you are not empowered to go pursue that dream job that you want to start. Maybe you heard the beginning of this podcast and you thought, oh, I want to be an influencer, I do, but I don't have time and I'm so stressed.
(25:00):
And da, da. If you are tied to your title, if your identity is in that title, you are never going to have the freedom to go start that influencer business. If you are tied to your title, you are never going to be able to leave that company to go to a company that's a better fit, that calls you something different, that has a different title for your job. You must create emotional distance between your work in order to optimize your career and make choices in the freedom that it allows you that are going to make you feel more successful and more satisfied. That's where you need to be. I can tell you that Starting career coach, I've talked about this before, was almost a little bit of an accident because I have been coaching for years, but really through referral only.
(25:38):
My husband's like, you forgot to put advice on the Internet. I was like, who wants to log off work and then listen to me talk about work in their free time? Who wants to do that? Nobody, apparently, a lot of you guys, but I thought nobody. And he was like, just put a few videos out there. And I did. And it went really well and it got a lot of traction and then my business was born out of it. But the freedom my business has given me is not necessarily the business itself. The freedom my business has given me is that I'm not as worried about my corporate career. If they need to let me go, if they decide to do a reorg, okay, I have other options. I have freedom to make decisions that empower me.
(26:17):
I have the freedom to go find something else. If they make a decision on a project at work that I'm like, that's not the right way to do this. I'm a lot less emotionally invested. It gave me a lot of freedom, the same way that pageantry has given me a lot of freedom in my career. Because if they say, hey, we've got this thing going on, you know, we feel really strongly about doing this. I'm like, okay, I really need to be going to volunteer with this group. I am not as emotionally invested in what decisions are taking place at work because more of my bandwidth is going towards thinking about my pageantry. The whole point of this entire episode is really about you, the individual.
(26:55):
We talk on this podcast a lot about how to be successful in your career, which I obviously think is very important. It is the bread and butter. It's how we make our money. I get that. We talk a lot about how to navigate corporate politics, how to communicate effectively. What I'm telling you in this episode is that you need to put yourself first. You need to step outside of the job to think about the person. And when you can do that, when you can create that identity, you're going to better interviews, you're going to better at advocating for yourself, you're going to better at going into promotion conversations, and you're going to better at disconnecting so that you don't burn out and you don't have this emotional connectivity. So I hope you guys liked today's episode.
(27:32):
I know it was a little bit different than what we normally talk about. If you have any questions or feedback on it, please leave it in the comments below so that I can get back to you guys. Otherwise, if you like today's episode, go ahead and give us five stars and we will be back next week with another great episode for.
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