August 4, 2025 • 35 mins
Most people say they're “too busy” before they’ve even checked their calendar. Michelle Niemeyer wants to change that.
After burning out as a high-performing attorney (and landing in the hospital because of it), Michelle realized the problem wasn’t her productivity. It was her lifestyle. Her nervous system. Her goals. And the way she defined success.
In this episode, she breaks down The Art of Bending Time, her framework that helps professionals stop spinning in circles and start building a life they want. Kendall and Michelle talk about everything from “goal clutter” to internal time sucks to why losing 5 pounds might not really be your priority (and that’s okay).
This is the episode you send to every friend who keeps saying “I don’t have time” while they’re scrolling Instagram and ignoring their actual dream.
In this episode, we discuss:
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What if your goal isn’t really your goal?
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How do you avoid burnout when you have no time?
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What are “internal time sucks” and how do you stop them?
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Can work-life balance exist or is integration the real solution?
⭐️Get our FREE Accomplishments Tracker: https://fabulous-butterfly-83716.myflodesk.com/n8yzvrtw9v
That Career Coach
Want to know more about Kendal Berg, that career coach?
Follow her on Instagram: @thatcareercoach_
Check out her courses on the website: https://thatcareercoach.net/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Niemeyer (00:00):
Tell me the first thing that comes to mind.
One to ten, how much do you want it?
And you'd be shocked.
How many people are like, oh, I don't know, maybe a six.
Most people don't say less than a five because they think that, you know, they don't want you to think that they don't want their goal.
But I've had people say six, seven.
You know, this is my opinion, but when you're talking about your three biggest goals you're going to be investing your time and money into, I wouldn't be pursuing a goal that's a six.
(00:28):
You want to pursue a goal that's a nine or ten, right?
Or maybe even an eight, but not a six.
And if you give up on that six because you recognize that it's not who you are today or it's something your parents planted in you when you were a kid and you've just never accepted that's not who you are, you can open up that space for other things and you can spend that money on other things.
(00:51):
And the time, you know, a lot of times people are beating themselves up for from a self esteem perspective because they haven't accomplished a goal they don't care about.
Kendall Berg (00:59):
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game.
So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing.
On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtains and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster.
(01:24):
Welcome back, my lovelies, to another fabulous episode.
Today we have a very special guest who is going to teach us the art of bending time, which to me sounds very like the last Airbender esque.
I'm very excited about it.
So Michelle Niemire is a speaker, she's a coach, she's a former attorney who is now teaching professionals how to bend time so that they can stay sharp, they can stay productive, and they can stay profitable.
(01:49):
And we're going to talk about all of the ways that time management, productivity, bending time is going to help you get ahead in your career and be successful.
She created the Art of Bending Time, which is a framework that helps people stay connected and connect those dots across their work, their life, and their purpose to magnetize success.
So welcome, Michelle.
We're really excited to have you on the show.
Michelle Niemeyer (02:10):
Thank you so much.
And I have to share with you, I have a toy.
So I love it.
My dog's toy has been stolen for the concept of demonstrating what I mean by bending time.
So all the different kinds of things we talk about give us this ability to take us from a point here where we might have to go like this and go like that.
(02:34):
Love it.
So.
And it's various different kinds of things.
So we start with, you know, what are some basic things?
I have people go through something I call a busyness detox.
How many people.
Do you know that the first thing they say to you when you ask them, hey, you want to come over on Friday night?
Or you want to go to X, Y, or Z or whatever, the first thing they say is, I don't have time.
(02:58):
They don't even think first.
Or you do that yourself, right?
And we all.
When we have professional careers and we're busy people, we definitely are busy people, but we start depriving ourselves of things that frankly feed our souls.
And when we do that, we get burned out.
So the first piece of this, just for people to understand.
(03:21):
I created the art of bending time because I became horrifically burned out.
I hated my life.
I hated being a lawyer.
I didn't like my clients.
I didn't want to do what I was doing anymore.
I wasn't getting joy out of anything in my personal life or my professional life.
And I reached a point where I was like, I have something has to change.
(03:42):
And it took a very long time for something to truly change.
I started some things that helped.
I started working out.
I started eating a little differently.
I tried to create some block time to have some fun on my weekends.
There were different things like that, but over time, I thought I was there.
(04:04):
And then I had this hospital experience.
And the hospital experience was because I had gotten an autoimmune disease through all of this stress and overwork and bad lifestyle and all the rest.
And that forced me to learn a whole lot more and to make a lot more changes.
And one day I woke up and I went, wait a minute.
(04:25):
Like, I'm actually really happy now.
I feel good.
I physically feel better than I have since I was in my 20s.
I like my job again.
I'm, like, enjoying life again.
What am I doing that's different?
I'm getting my work done where I thought I didn't have time to get my work done before.
I'm making time to do other things, too.
(04:45):
And what I realized was that I hadn't had clarity on who I was and what lit me up.
So that was really the first Piece of it.
And what I did was I sat down one day and I said, okay, like, when I was that person 15 years ago, and I was approaching being really burned out, what was I thinking at that time?
(05:06):
What did I think was missing?
Or what did I think was too hard or that I wasn't doing well?
And I realized the first course I ever took was a time management course.
And it was.
Because when you get burned out, for a lot of people, the first sign is they start what I call spinning.
They start not getting things done.
(05:27):
They're not as effective, they're not as efficient, they can't focus, they're bouncing all over the place, and they think it's a time management problem, but really it's a lifestyle management problem, and it's a focus management problem.
And so that's what the art of bending time is about, is actually learning how to live your life in a way that gives you better energy and then also to have focus so that you can then know what your goals are.
(05:57):
You can choose to have goals that align with who you are, that make you want to do those goals and not just things other people expect of you.
And then you have a plan to move forward.
Kendall Berg (06:06):
That's awesome.
So if somebody's listening to this and they're like, okay, I would like to bend time.
I'm nearing burnout.
I'm struggling with time management and lifestyle management, which is what I hear from so many people, especially working parents, you know, working spouses who are compounding their issues with expanding responsibilities at home.
How do they go about establishing those goals to start with?
(06:28):
How do they start to hone in on, like, what is really important to them?
Michelle Niemeyer (06:31):
So what I like to ask people to do is start not about goals.
Because when we start with the goals, we're already setting ourselves up, right?
We're, we're.
We're asking.
As you know, I've seen some things lately.
It seems to be a common me.
It's, it's meme fuel that we're human beings, not human doing right?
(06:56):
And, and that to me, it makes a lot of sense.
Because, yes, we have goals.
Yes, we have things we want to accomplish.
But at our core, we are a human being who is a whole person who has things that light us up.
I truly believe those things are often things that we're given at birth.
(07:20):
We come out as a child who loves to run and play, or as a child who loves to read, or as a child who loves to do art or who loves to play with Other kids or whatever the things are, right?
There are things that we just naturally gravitate toward and that light us up and make us happy.
And over time.
I blame our educational system on this.
(07:42):
This is a big, like, you know, if there's something I hate that I could change, it would be this.
We have an educational system that tells us that if we're good in school, we're supposed to go down a certain path.
And for the kids who get straight A's, they get pushed towards, you know, oh, you're going to go to college and then you're going to become a professional, you're going to get a graduate degree, whatever it is, which may or may not be the right path for those people and often deprives them of those things that they love.
(08:16):
In my case, it was art.
I loved art as a kid.
That was my happy place.
And running around outside and playing and being physically active all the time.
But the professions that straight A students get pushed into are usually sit on your butt at a desk jobs, right?
Unless you're a doctor and.
And then you're walking around in a hospital or whatever.
(08:37):
But basically they're not jobs that feed those creative sides and that kind of thing.
So one of the things I have people do is I have them do an exercise.
I call it a clarity exercise.
It's like a guided meditation where I have them think back to their childhood or to their young adulthood and really remember in all of its details a time when you were just full of joy or when you felt just proud of something you'd accomplished, or you were so excited about something, you just couldn't wait to tell somebody what had happened, or you were laughing so hard you couldn't stop.
(09:20):
And like, it hurt so bad because you couldn't stop laughing.
And it was just hilarious.
And what was it that was going on then?
Who were you with and what did that involve?
What were you doing?
What kind of environment were you in?
And when you start thinking about all that stuff and you look at a bunch of examples, you start seeing commonalities in it.
(09:41):
You might realize that you're somebody who really appreciates beauty.
And when you've had these special moments, it's been because you're looking at this incredible sunset, or you've climbed up to the top of a mountain and you're seeing this beautiful vista of the mountains and the trees and from.
For miles or whatever it is, or you're really physical.
(10:02):
And like, for me, I was.
I'm very physical.
I love to ski.
I used to run.
I, I, when I do things that are physically active, it makes me feel good.
And when I don't do those things because I don't have time, everything in me starts to break down.
If I don't fuel that piece of me and I find that with people I work with, that could be reading, it could be writing, it could be making art, it could be going on hikes, it's whatever that is.
(10:35):
If you're depriving yourself of that thing that gives you fuel for your soul, you're getting burned out because you're missing out on stuff.
I call it sparks that light you up.
When you don't get any of those sparks is when you start feeling burned out and you start, you stop feeling the joy in what you're doing.
(10:55):
But a lot of times you can find those sparks in different parts of your world.
So it doesn't have to be that you're going, I mean, not everybody can go on a hike every day, right?
But you might be able to just take a 10 minute walk on a break.
You might be able to do something physical in your office that just makes you, pumps you up and makes you feel good.
(11:17):
Even if it's like, who knows, doing some push ups, whatever it is, walking around the perimeter of the building, you know, so identifying those things is the first step.
Because when you can find those things that light you up, you can start actively working to incorporate them into your day.
(11:38):
And when you do that, you find you just feel better.
And when you feel better, you're going to perform better.
Kendall Berg (11:45):
I love everything that you're sharing about finding your sparks.
And it's interesting, as you sit and listen, you start to think of certain examples, right.
I always tell people on this show and in my coaching that like, if I don't exercise, I am a crazy person.
It is better for everybody in my life that I have time to exercise and drink my first cup of coffee.
That is for safety for other people, right?
(12:06):
And so there's definitely this aspect of finding that spark and finding time to do it.
So how does this intersect with people who are very career driven, who feel like they always have to be on, who feel like they're so busy they can't go to the gym, they can't do a hike.
Once they identify this spark, how do they start to, in your words, bend this time and make space for these things that are really going to help light them up?
Michelle Niemeyer (12:34):
Right.
So part of that, like I said, part of it is just knowing this.
Then you get into the things where I'm sure you've seen things where it's like you generate energy for yourself, right?
You do that by sleeping enough.
You do it by eating healthy foods.
You may subtract that energy by eating bad foods or doing drugs or whatever or, and you need to move your body if you do those three things and they're really basic.
(13:05):
I call this the low hanging fruit of spending time is just improving your lifestyle by 5 or 10% so that you're getting good sleep at night so that you're hydrated, so that you're nourished.
And when your body is nourished and well rested and hydrated, you're going to be more capable of staying alert and staying focused.
(13:32):
And if you can maintain focus, that's going to probably give you a 20% improvement on your day without anything else for most people, because most people tend to be constantly interrupted.
So if you can find a way to maintain focus, that's huge.
And it multiplies the benefit of your time like nothing else.
(13:53):
And the first step to that is being a little bit healthier.
The second step to it is creating boundaries on what I call your internal time sucks.
Whenever we're uncomfortable, we self soothe.
And if we're aware of it, we can stop doing it.
For me, it's scrolling my phone or turning on the TV and watching Netflix or something instead of doing something I need to be doing for somebody else.
(14:23):
I used to have a partner in a law practice.
This is going back many years.
He played Tetris.
Another one checked his stocks every five minutes.
It was like whenever he was trying to avoid something, he'd look at his stocks on the computer.
It was like his security blanket.
And if you do that stuff and you're constantly diverting your attention from one thing to another, maybe it's calling and checking on your kids.
(14:50):
It could be anything, right?
And it's not necessary, but it's something you do because it makes you feel a little less stressed, a little less threatened by something that maybe is hard or maybe it's boring and you don't really want to do it, so you find something else to do.
That's number one.
Number two is learning how to deal with the, what I call external time sucks.
(15:14):
External time sucks are things, like things in your environment that cause you to be distracted.
Number one, notifications that pop into your view on your computer or on your phone, or have audible sounds that interrupt you even if you're not.
You put your phone to the side and you say, I'm not paying attention to that.
(15:36):
When you hear that ding because somebody texted in, part of your head is going, I really should pick that up.
I really should see who that is.
What if it's something important?
And all of a sudden your focus on that project you're working on is gone.
Kendall Berg (15:49):
My phone just dinged.
And already I'm like, I wonder what they want.
Michelle Niemeyer (15:55):
And so, like, one thing I do, and I tell people to do it, like when they sleep.
It's.
It's actually really, it can be really interrupting to your sleep quality to have your phone in your bedroom.
How many people have their phone in their bedroom?
Almost everybody now, right?
I take my phone and I put it on silent on a charger in my office, and that's where it stays while I'm in bed sleeping.
(16:19):
And I have.
I actually, you know, it's kind of creepy because it probably listens to me, but I have an Alexa device in my bedroom that I use as an alarm clock.
So I tell it to wake me up.
That way I don't have my phone in there.
If I want to know what time it is, I can ask it.
But I don't have something with lights that's bothering me from a light perspective.
(16:40):
And I don't have something dinging and making noises at me.
So, you know, another thing I did with my home office was I have a beautiful location for my desk.
And it's a western facing window in front of me.
So in the afternoon it can be brutal.
Right now you're looking at me with, I actually have 1% blinds that go down in the afternoon.
(17:04):
It cuts enough light so it's not blinding.
But before it was so blinding that I used to have to take my laptop out of this area and go like sit on my couch or sit in my den, where all of a sudden I'm in my place where I watch tv.
Right?
That's not productive.
And the next thing I know, I'm watching Netflix instead of doing what I wanted to do on my computer.
(17:28):
So, you know, and especially in this day of so many people working from home offices, that kind of thing is really dangerous.
Like, you need to have a space that you set aside that your mindset is work when you're in the space where you work so that you're not like carrying your relaxation habits into the place where you're working.
(17:50):
That makes sense.
Kendall Berg (17:52):
Yeah, those are all great tips.
And there was actually a study in 2021.
This reminds me of that talked about the working from home phenomenon.
And how it was increasing mental load because you work in your house and then you live in your house.
And so while you're trying to relax, you're thinking about work because your laptop's right there.
So people are checking more often.
And there was a big psychological study that showed the act of physically closing your laptop at the end of the day really helped people mentally disconnect.
(18:19):
And then leaving that laptop in a space that wasn't feeding over into where they spend their family time or their relaxation time or the recharge time was actually very good for people's mental health when you do work from home.
And so I, everything you're saying I agree with.
I have a hatch alarm clock for the exact same reason that my phone lives somewhere else.
And the hatch is what wakes me up.
(18:39):
I will say if you've never tried a hatch alarm clock, they like rise with the sun and then they play like this really gentle music and then they like jolt you awake.
My husband can sleep through every alarm clock except for those.
So when I have to get up at 4am, I do bring my phone in my room because if that thing goes off at 4am My husband's going to be sitting there wide eyed ready to go.
So we train our brains as far.
Michelle Niemeyer (19:01):
As alarm clocks go.
Kendall Berg (19:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
Michelle Niemeyer (19:04):
And I had, I, I have to share this story because it's kind of hilarious.
I was in a sorority in college and we had sleeping dorms and the sleeping dorms had a bunch of bunk beds, our rooms.
We had a bedroom that we shared with somebody that had a daybed in it and our desks and our closets and all that stuff.
But everybody slept in these sleeping dorms and the sleeping dorm.
(19:28):
Some of the sororities on campus had like, that was like a freshman pledge thing that they'd have to come and they'd have to wake people up every day.
We didn't do that.
We could have an alarm clock in the sleeping dorm.
And when I first was living there, I was like, what the heck?
Like alarm clocks are going off like every 10 minutes, right.
(19:49):
You would not believe how fast you got used to only hearing your own alarm clock.
And you had other people's alarm clocks going on all around you for like an hour or two hours before you got up in the morning.
And you didn't hear anybody's until yours went off.
Which says to me like, your brain just learns how to.
So if you've said in your brain, I'm really tired and I don't want to hear my Alarm clock or I'm in a habit of just not listening for it.
(20:13):
You're going to sleep through it.
Kendall Berg (20:15):
It's the same I think when you have kids.
Like my daughter wouldn't even have to cry.
She would like shift a certain way in her bed.
And my mom brain de asleep is like bing, she's about to wake up, you might as well get out of bed now.
And it's crazy how you attune yourself to things.
And then as she got older, now she moves around.
My brain's completely ignoring that.
(20:36):
Right.
No longer relevant information.
So no, I love this.
And these are some great hacks as far as like balancing your life.
And a lot of the individuals listening, they're very busy, they're probably parents.
They now lead teams.
How do they expand this skill?
So they find out what their sparks are, they figure out how to make time for it, they start living a healthier lifestyle, they start disconnecting more effectively.
(21:02):
But then they are managing a team, right?
How do they take some of these things that we're talking about?
How do they implement them to help them manage a team or bring a team together in an effective way that's going to allow them to continue to scale without reaching burnout as soon as the next team issue comes up.
Michelle Niemeyer (21:19):
Okay, so I have, you're going into the highest level, the ninja level stuff for bending time.
And so, you know, the lower level stuff is like I said, the low hanging fruit, the getting your physical body in good energy, the creating good habits, the learning about how to get rid of internal and external time sucks.
(21:41):
And then we get into some planning stuff and this is where the really good stuff happens.
So I have analysis I call a sort analysis.
And this analysis can be used really beautifully as a team exercise or as an individual thing.
What you do is you take your goal, let's say you're a sales manager, you have a certain goal, you're trying, you've got a team, they do different things.
(22:05):
You've got everybody in this team together in a team meeting and you say, you know what, like corporate just came with this goal, this is what our goal is for next year and whatever that is.
And then you go to the goal and you say, okay, what are our strengths?
What are our weaknesses?
What are the opportunities and risks of this goal?
(22:27):
So we have, you know, maybe our strengths are that we've got the two best salespeople in the whole company or in our team, we've got a really good support staff.
Maybe a weakness is that people have recognized that we could be using a different kind of software that would double the impact of what we're doing.
(22:47):
Maybe our follow through could better.
Maybe, you know, we're not closing in a certain way and we know all this from before and we have people at different levels who are part of the team who are recognizing these things.
And we go through it as a team and we have the team help build out the analysis so that you as the manager might not know the experience of the person who has to deal with that software every day that they're tearing their hair out because it just sucks, right?
(23:19):
And it could be replaced or it could be used differently or something else could be done.
And so as you're going through these things, you're recognizing what needs to be changed, you're recognizing who's like, where are the strengths?
People feel good about themselves and about their role.
You're giving people parts in it and you're identifying where, you know, what are the opportunities of this.
(23:45):
Well, maybe everybody on the team's going to see a huge bonus.
Maybe everybody on the team is going to have an opportunity to do this other thing as well.
Who knows whatever that might be.
And if you understand what the risks are, you can find ways to minimize the risk.
So maybe the risk is that maybe there are people in the team who think that if you don't meet this goal that people are going to lose their jobs.
(24:12):
That's a very real risk.
Right.
But you know, if you have that conversation as a team and you find a way to work through it together, it's going to strengthen your team and you may find information about your teammates perspective on it that wasn't the same as yours and you can work together through that and then move forward.
(24:36):
So that's one way that can be used and another way it can be used.
And this is more on an individual level.
Obviously if you're, you know, middle management and upper level management comes to you with something and they say, you have to do this.
And this is our corporate plan and it's been, you know, it's written in stone.
(24:56):
You can't come back to them and say, we don't like that, we're not going to do it.
But you might be able to come back with some reasoned things and say, it came to my attention through my team meeting about this goal that this clunky software we've been using isn't working very well.
And someone did research and discovered that this thing that costs less is going to give us twice the Follow through.
(25:20):
Can we get that right?
So that's going to help you on a personal level when you go through these things.
One of the things I've found happens a lot is that people have goals a lot of times that weren't really their goals to begin with.
And I am shocked at how many people start they've got a personal goal and it's just something that they've been carrying around with them for years and they haven't accomplished it because they don't care enough to accomplish it.
(25:53):
But they don't acknowledge that to themselves.
And so they keep trying and they keep trying something that it doesn't matter to them anymore.
It doesn't fit who they are today versus, you know, like you're a mom, you might have wanted to do things before you were a mom, that today you'd be like, yeah, that would have been cool, but that's not really who I am anymore and I don't care.
(26:15):
Right, but you're not going out there beating yourself up about it.
But some people do that and then they go through this analysis and they go, you know what?
I've got these three goals and one of these goals I literally have people go through this and we go through everything together.
And then I just tell them really quick, tell me the first thing that comes to mind, 1 to 10, how much do you want it?
(26:38):
And you'd be shocked how many people are like, oh, I don't know, maybe a six.
Most people don't say less than a five because they think that, you know, they don't want you to think that they don't want their goal.
But I've had people say 6, 7 and you know, this is my opinion, but when you're talking about your three biggest goals you're going to be investing your time and money into, I wouldn't be pursuing a goal that's a six.
(27:05):
You want to pursue a goal that's a nine or ten, right?
Or maybe even an eight, but not a six.
And if you give up on that six because you recognize that it's not who you are today or it's something your parents planted in you when you were a kid and you've just never accepted that's not who you are, you can open up that space for other things and you can spend that money on other things and the time and you're not beating your, you know, a lot of times people are beating themselves up from a self esteem perspective because they haven't accomplished a goal.
(27:40):
They don't care About.
So that's upper level ninja stuff.
Kendall Berg (27:45):
I love it.
And it's so important to do this self reflection and this team reflection.
Right.
The two things you're touching on, Michelle, I think are so key to us.
I'm going to use a very, I'm going to say common example, like I'd love to lose another five pounds.
I, I think if I asked any woman that I know, of course her top three goals is going to be I want to lose another five pounds.
Michelle Niemeyer (28:06):
Right.
Kendall Berg (28:07):
But you're right, I think a lot of the time we don't really care that much.
Michelle Niemeyer (28:11):
Well, you know, we want to lose the five pounds until we get to the cocktail party on Friday.
Yeah.
I'd rather we have this amazing dessert in front of us at the nice dinner out or you know, do you want to give up your social life so that you can lose five pounds?
Not really.
Most people don't.
Kendall Berg (28:27):
Exactly.
And so I think that there's all these things that you're right, we carry with us and we carry them as like a very heavy self esteem space when it's really not that important to us.
And I think you're right.
If you can actually shift your focus to three things that really are important to you, that really are a 9 or a 10 that really are key to life satisfaction for you're gonna make more progress, you're gonna feel more aligned, you're gonna feel more of that spark, you're gonna free time up to work on the things that are important.
(28:54):
So I, I love this because I think in general we all lack self awareness.
It's really easy for us to get caught in a pattern of what we do.
And in fact I actually.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:02):
It's so easy.
Kendall Berg (29:04):
Yeah.
I even talked about on another episode of like, you build habits so you don't have to think about them anymore.
But sometimes those happens aren't necessarily things that are good for us.
They're just a thing that we did that now we don't think for sure.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:16):
You know, I call it being stuck on the train tracks.
Kendall Berg (29:19):
Yes.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:20):
Like you get on the train tracks, right.
And you're chugging along and the train tracks weren't things that maybe you even chose or I mean if you're going back to youth, you know, I know people who got married because they were on the train tracks who were like, what were you thinking?
Everybody around you saw that you guys weren't right for each other.
(29:44):
But because they dated a certain amount of time, they just Thought they were supposed to get married, so they did.
Right.
And that goes with jobs, it goes with career choices.
It goes with lots of things.
But the other thing I want to say about that is a lot of people feel like somehow for them to be happy, they have to change their career.
They have to, like, move or they have to quit, like big things like get divorced or get.
(30:08):
You know, a lot of times it really is just about getting those sparks.
And if you know what it is that you.
That lights you up and makes you happy and you proactively make a point of getting that in your life, you're going to be fine.
You're going to be bulletproof from work, from burnout, because you're getting what you need.
(30:28):
Even if it's not maybe your perfect job that you always dreamed of.
But it's a good job and it pays well and it supports the family that you love in the place that you like living.
And there's, you know, life isn't just one dimensional.
So, you know, if you can get those sparks and you can give yourself energy and you can do some things that make you feel good, whether it's in your personal or your professional life, and you connect to people, you're going to be good.
Kendall Berg (30:59):
Yeah, I totally agree, and I've said this before, and I stand by it.
I don't think there's such a thing as a dream job.
Like, yeah, it'd be great if were all an artist who then went into making art and then felt really fulfilled making art and then magically became famous and everybody wanted our art and we lived as a millionaire.
Michelle Niemeyer (31:15):
Like, right, you just magically sold your art.
It magically marketed itself.
Kendall Berg (31:20):
Yes.
You don't have to do any of the business part that you don't like.
You just get to paint.
Like, what a dream.
Right?
But the reality is that maybe for a very, very small 00x percent of the population, that works out, but for the most part, we're working to build financial security and stability to go do all the things that we love.
Michelle Niemeyer (31:41):
Sure.
Kendall Berg (31:41):
And if you can get past this idea that my job is going to make me happy, my career is going to be that single source of fulfillment.
And to your point, start realizing my fulfillment.
Maybe there's parts of it I fulfill in my job.
I love problem solving.
Getting to solve problems in my job is a dream.
I love that aspect.
Are there days where like, maybe I don't love my client or maybe I have to deal with a difficult stakeholder?
(32:04):
Absolutely.
Michelle Niemeyer (32:05):
Yeah.
Kendall Berg (32:05):
But I'm balancing that with.
But my kids get to take this vacation because I have financial security and a job and I get to go hike.
I'm a big hiker.
So like for me, hiking once or twice a week is a dream.
So I 1000% agree with you.
And I think it's such a good mental refocus because especially in the US we get hyper fixated on like our identity is our career and our career becomes our hundred percent.
(32:27):
And that's it's not feasible or sustainable for an individual to feel success and fulfillment in that way.
Michelle Niemeyer (32:35):
Yeah, for sure.
Kendall Berg (32:36):
Everything you're bringing.
And if people are listening to this and they're like, okay, I love Michelle.
She's not only bending time, she's helping me refocus on the things that are important.
And they want to get in touch with you, they want to get more information.
Where do you want them to go?
Michelle Niemeyer (32:51):
Okay, I think I gave you a link and you're going to put it in the show notes.
If you don't have it, I'll get it to you.
But the easiest thing is if they're in the United States, they'll need the link.
If they're not, if they're in the U.S. pick up your cell phone and text the word clarity to the phone number 33777.
(33:12):
And that'll give you a signup for a community membership that I give for free.
And it has a toolbox in there and that'll give you a downloadable audio of the I told you about the clarity exercise I do with people that's in there.
There's journaling prompts about clarity in there and there's also the sword analysis that I talked about.
(33:35):
So anybody can just sign up and get access to that.
I sometimes do webinars and that kind of thing in there.
And once they're in there, they have access to all of it.
Kendall Berg (33:46):
Awesome.
I love that.
So we will make sure that we put that link in the show notes if you guys are interested in connecting with Michelle.
Otherwise, make sure you're texting Clarity and getting all of these free resources.
We love that.
So before we let you go, if you were going to tell somebody one thing to do tomorrow, hey, you're feeling burnt out, you're stressed.
Your answer to how you doing?
Is always, I'm busy.
What's one thing they can go start to do that's going to help them really find a little bit more balance, start to bend their time towards the right things?
Michelle Niemeyer (34:14):
I would say take 10 minutes, take a breath and do that clarity, exercise, find what lights you up, and then start trying to make a point of getting at least a little of that every day, whether it's in your personal life or at work or a combination of both.
(34:37):
And you know, we don't have time for this, but don't, don't erect an artificial wall in your world and call it work, life balance.
It doesn't work.
And it makes people feel bad about themselves because you're either never at home enough or you're not at work enough or you're just not enough in any way.
Integrate yourself so that you have, you make friends with the people at work.
(35:02):
You connect with people in your personal life about what you do at work as well as about who you are in other ways.
Be open and be a whole person and find those sparks that light you up every day.
Kendall Berg (35:16):
I love it.
It's an awesome takeaway.
Well, thank you so much, Michelle, for coming on today's episode.
We really loved our chat.
We'll definitely have to have you back because I feel like there's so much more that we could cover with more.
But if you guys listened today's episode and you loved it and you want more fabulous guests like Michelle, go ahead, leave us five stars.
And any questions or comments you have for Michelle or I, leave them in the comments below.
We will get back to you.
(35:36):
Otherwise.
Thanks, Michelle, so much.
It was such a great chat.
Michelle Niemeyer (35:39):
Thank you, Kendall, so much.
It was great.
Tell me the first thing that comes to mind.
One to ten, how much do you want it?
And you'd be shocked.
How many people are like, oh, I don't know, maybe a six.
Most people don't say less than a five because they think that, you know, they don't want you to think that they don't want their goal.
But I've had people say six, seven.
You know, this is my opinion, but when you're talking about your three biggest goals you're going to be investing your time and money into, I wouldn't be pursuing a goal that's a six.
(00:28):
You want to pursue a goal that's a nine or ten, right?
Or maybe even an eight, but not a six.
And if you give up on that six because you recognize that it's not who you are today or it's something your parents planted in you when you were a kid and you've just never accepted that's not who you are, you can open up that space for other things and you can spend that money on other things.
(00:51):
And the time, you know, a lot of times people are beating themselves up for from a self esteem perspective because they haven't accomplished a goal they don't care about.
Kendall Berg (00:59):
Welcome back to this episode of Secrets of the Career Game.
So many people are trying to navigate a corporate world that is laden with secrets, cleverly hidden and unspoken rules to a game that most employees don't even know that they're playing.
On this podcast, we try to give you a peek behind the curtains and some tips and tricks to ultimately make you successful in your career and help you progress a little bit faster.
(01:24):
Welcome back, my lovelies, to another fabulous episode.
Today we have a very special guest who is going to teach us the art of bending time, which to me sounds very like the last Airbender esque.
I'm very excited about it.
So Michelle Niemire is a speaker, she's a coach, she's a former attorney who is now teaching professionals how to bend time so that they can stay sharp, they can stay productive, and they can stay profitable.
(01:49):
And we're going to talk about all of the ways that time management, productivity, bending time is going to help you get ahead in your career and be successful.
She created the Art of Bending Time, which is a framework that helps people stay connected and connect those dots across their work, their life, and their purpose to magnetize success.
So welcome, Michelle.
We're really excited to have you on the show.
Michelle Niemeyer (02:10):
Thank you so much.
And I have to share with you, I have a toy.
So I love it.
My dog's toy has been stolen for the concept of demonstrating what I mean by bending time.
So all the different kinds of things we talk about give us this ability to take us from a point here where we might have to go like this and go like that.
(02:34):
Love it.
So.
And it's various different kinds of things.
So we start with, you know, what are some basic things?
I have people go through something I call a busyness detox.
How many people.
Do you know that the first thing they say to you when you ask them, hey, you want to come over on Friday night?
Or you want to go to X, Y, or Z or whatever, the first thing they say is, I don't have time.
(02:58):
They don't even think first.
Or you do that yourself, right?
And we all.
When we have professional careers and we're busy people, we definitely are busy people, but we start depriving ourselves of things that frankly feed our souls.
And when we do that, we get burned out.
So the first piece of this, just for people to understand.
(03:21):
I created the art of bending time because I became horrifically burned out.
I hated my life.
I hated being a lawyer.
I didn't like my clients.
I didn't want to do what I was doing anymore.
I wasn't getting joy out of anything in my personal life or my professional life.
And I reached a point where I was like, I have something has to change.
(03:42):
And it took a very long time for something to truly change.
I started some things that helped.
I started working out.
I started eating a little differently.
I tried to create some block time to have some fun on my weekends.
There were different things like that, but over time, I thought I was there.
(04:04):
And then I had this hospital experience.
And the hospital experience was because I had gotten an autoimmune disease through all of this stress and overwork and bad lifestyle and all the rest.
And that forced me to learn a whole lot more and to make a lot more changes.
And one day I woke up and I went, wait a minute.
(04:25):
Like, I'm actually really happy now.
I feel good.
I physically feel better than I have since I was in my 20s.
I like my job again.
I'm, like, enjoying life again.
What am I doing that's different?
I'm getting my work done where I thought I didn't have time to get my work done before.
I'm making time to do other things, too.
(04:45):
And what I realized was that I hadn't had clarity on who I was and what lit me up.
So that was really the first Piece of it.
And what I did was I sat down one day and I said, okay, like, when I was that person 15 years ago, and I was approaching being really burned out, what was I thinking at that time?
(05:06):
What did I think was missing?
Or what did I think was too hard or that I wasn't doing well?
And I realized the first course I ever took was a time management course.
And it was.
Because when you get burned out, for a lot of people, the first sign is they start what I call spinning.
They start not getting things done.
(05:27):
They're not as effective, they're not as efficient, they can't focus, they're bouncing all over the place, and they think it's a time management problem, but really it's a lifestyle management problem, and it's a focus management problem.
And so that's what the art of bending time is about, is actually learning how to live your life in a way that gives you better energy and then also to have focus so that you can then know what your goals are.
(05:57):
You can choose to have goals that align with who you are, that make you want to do those goals and not just things other people expect of you.
And then you have a plan to move forward.
Kendall Berg (06:06):
That's awesome.
So if somebody's listening to this and they're like, okay, I would like to bend time.
I'm nearing burnout.
I'm struggling with time management and lifestyle management, which is what I hear from so many people, especially working parents, you know, working spouses who are compounding their issues with expanding responsibilities at home.
How do they go about establishing those goals to start with?
(06:28):
How do they start to hone in on, like, what is really important to them?
Michelle Niemeyer (06:31):
So what I like to ask people to do is start not about goals.
Because when we start with the goals, we're already setting ourselves up, right?
We're, we're.
We're asking.
As you know, I've seen some things lately.
It seems to be a common me.
It's, it's meme fuel that we're human beings, not human doing right?
(06:56):
And, and that to me, it makes a lot of sense.
Because, yes, we have goals.
Yes, we have things we want to accomplish.
But at our core, we are a human being who is a whole person who has things that light us up.
I truly believe those things are often things that we're given at birth.
(07:20):
We come out as a child who loves to run and play, or as a child who loves to read, or as a child who loves to do art or who loves to play with Other kids or whatever the things are, right?
There are things that we just naturally gravitate toward and that light us up and make us happy.
And over time.
I blame our educational system on this.
(07:42):
This is a big, like, you know, if there's something I hate that I could change, it would be this.
We have an educational system that tells us that if we're good in school, we're supposed to go down a certain path.
And for the kids who get straight A's, they get pushed towards, you know, oh, you're going to go to college and then you're going to become a professional, you're going to get a graduate degree, whatever it is, which may or may not be the right path for those people and often deprives them of those things that they love.
(08:16):
In my case, it was art.
I loved art as a kid.
That was my happy place.
And running around outside and playing and being physically active all the time.
But the professions that straight A students get pushed into are usually sit on your butt at a desk jobs, right?
Unless you're a doctor and.
And then you're walking around in a hospital or whatever.
(08:37):
But basically they're not jobs that feed those creative sides and that kind of thing.
So one of the things I have people do is I have them do an exercise.
I call it a clarity exercise.
It's like a guided meditation where I have them think back to their childhood or to their young adulthood and really remember in all of its details a time when you were just full of joy or when you felt just proud of something you'd accomplished, or you were so excited about something, you just couldn't wait to tell somebody what had happened, or you were laughing so hard you couldn't stop.
(09:20):
And like, it hurt so bad because you couldn't stop laughing.
And it was just hilarious.
And what was it that was going on then?
Who were you with and what did that involve?
What were you doing?
What kind of environment were you in?
And when you start thinking about all that stuff and you look at a bunch of examples, you start seeing commonalities in it.
(09:41):
You might realize that you're somebody who really appreciates beauty.
And when you've had these special moments, it's been because you're looking at this incredible sunset, or you've climbed up to the top of a mountain and you're seeing this beautiful vista of the mountains and the trees and from.
For miles or whatever it is, or you're really physical.
(10:02):
And like, for me, I was.
I'm very physical.
I love to ski.
I used to run.
I, I, when I do things that are physically active, it makes me feel good.
And when I don't do those things because I don't have time, everything in me starts to break down.
If I don't fuel that piece of me and I find that with people I work with, that could be reading, it could be writing, it could be making art, it could be going on hikes, it's whatever that is.
(10:35):
If you're depriving yourself of that thing that gives you fuel for your soul, you're getting burned out because you're missing out on stuff.
I call it sparks that light you up.
When you don't get any of those sparks is when you start feeling burned out and you start, you stop feeling the joy in what you're doing.
(10:55):
But a lot of times you can find those sparks in different parts of your world.
So it doesn't have to be that you're going, I mean, not everybody can go on a hike every day, right?
But you might be able to just take a 10 minute walk on a break.
You might be able to do something physical in your office that just makes you, pumps you up and makes you feel good.
(11:17):
Even if it's like, who knows, doing some push ups, whatever it is, walking around the perimeter of the building, you know, so identifying those things is the first step.
Because when you can find those things that light you up, you can start actively working to incorporate them into your day.
(11:38):
And when you do that, you find you just feel better.
And when you feel better, you're going to perform better.
Kendall Berg (11:45):
I love everything that you're sharing about finding your sparks.
And it's interesting, as you sit and listen, you start to think of certain examples, right.
I always tell people on this show and in my coaching that like, if I don't exercise, I am a crazy person.
It is better for everybody in my life that I have time to exercise and drink my first cup of coffee.
That is for safety for other people, right?
(12:06):
And so there's definitely this aspect of finding that spark and finding time to do it.
So how does this intersect with people who are very career driven, who feel like they always have to be on, who feel like they're so busy they can't go to the gym, they can't do a hike.
Once they identify this spark, how do they start to, in your words, bend this time and make space for these things that are really going to help light them up?
Michelle Niemeyer (12:34):
Right.
So part of that, like I said, part of it is just knowing this.
Then you get into the things where I'm sure you've seen things where it's like you generate energy for yourself, right?
You do that by sleeping enough.
You do it by eating healthy foods.
You may subtract that energy by eating bad foods or doing drugs or whatever or, and you need to move your body if you do those three things and they're really basic.
(13:05):
I call this the low hanging fruit of spending time is just improving your lifestyle by 5 or 10% so that you're getting good sleep at night so that you're hydrated, so that you're nourished.
And when your body is nourished and well rested and hydrated, you're going to be more capable of staying alert and staying focused.
(13:32):
And if you can maintain focus, that's going to probably give you a 20% improvement on your day without anything else for most people, because most people tend to be constantly interrupted.
So if you can find a way to maintain focus, that's huge.
And it multiplies the benefit of your time like nothing else.
(13:53):
And the first step to that is being a little bit healthier.
The second step to it is creating boundaries on what I call your internal time sucks.
Whenever we're uncomfortable, we self soothe.
And if we're aware of it, we can stop doing it.
For me, it's scrolling my phone or turning on the TV and watching Netflix or something instead of doing something I need to be doing for somebody else.
(14:23):
I used to have a partner in a law practice.
This is going back many years.
He played Tetris.
Another one checked his stocks every five minutes.
It was like whenever he was trying to avoid something, he'd look at his stocks on the computer.
It was like his security blanket.
And if you do that stuff and you're constantly diverting your attention from one thing to another, maybe it's calling and checking on your kids.
(14:50):
It could be anything, right?
And it's not necessary, but it's something you do because it makes you feel a little less stressed, a little less threatened by something that maybe is hard or maybe it's boring and you don't really want to do it, so you find something else to do.
That's number one.
Number two is learning how to deal with the, what I call external time sucks.
(15:14):
External time sucks are things, like things in your environment that cause you to be distracted.
Number one, notifications that pop into your view on your computer or on your phone, or have audible sounds that interrupt you even if you're not.
You put your phone to the side and you say, I'm not paying attention to that.
(15:36):
When you hear that ding because somebody texted in, part of your head is going, I really should pick that up.
I really should see who that is.
What if it's something important?
And all of a sudden your focus on that project you're working on is gone.
Kendall Berg (15:49):
My phone just dinged.
And already I'm like, I wonder what they want.
Michelle Niemeyer (15:55):
And so, like, one thing I do, and I tell people to do it, like when they sleep.
It's.
It's actually really, it can be really interrupting to your sleep quality to have your phone in your bedroom.
How many people have their phone in their bedroom?
Almost everybody now, right?
I take my phone and I put it on silent on a charger in my office, and that's where it stays while I'm in bed sleeping.
(16:19):
And I have.
I actually, you know, it's kind of creepy because it probably listens to me, but I have an Alexa device in my bedroom that I use as an alarm clock.
So I tell it to wake me up.
That way I don't have my phone in there.
If I want to know what time it is, I can ask it.
But I don't have something with lights that's bothering me from a light perspective.
(16:40):
And I don't have something dinging and making noises at me.
So, you know, another thing I did with my home office was I have a beautiful location for my desk.
And it's a western facing window in front of me.
So in the afternoon it can be brutal.
Right now you're looking at me with, I actually have 1% blinds that go down in the afternoon.
(17:04):
It cuts enough light so it's not blinding.
But before it was so blinding that I used to have to take my laptop out of this area and go like sit on my couch or sit in my den, where all of a sudden I'm in my place where I watch tv.
Right?
That's not productive.
And the next thing I know, I'm watching Netflix instead of doing what I wanted to do on my computer.
(17:28):
So, you know, and especially in this day of so many people working from home offices, that kind of thing is really dangerous.
Like, you need to have a space that you set aside that your mindset is work when you're in the space where you work so that you're not like carrying your relaxation habits into the place where you're working.
(17:50):
That makes sense.
Kendall Berg (17:52):
Yeah, those are all great tips.
And there was actually a study in 2021.
This reminds me of that talked about the working from home phenomenon.
And how it was increasing mental load because you work in your house and then you live in your house.
And so while you're trying to relax, you're thinking about work because your laptop's right there.
So people are checking more often.
And there was a big psychological study that showed the act of physically closing your laptop at the end of the day really helped people mentally disconnect.
(18:19):
And then leaving that laptop in a space that wasn't feeding over into where they spend their family time or their relaxation time or the recharge time was actually very good for people's mental health when you do work from home.
And so I, everything you're saying I agree with.
I have a hatch alarm clock for the exact same reason that my phone lives somewhere else.
And the hatch is what wakes me up.
(18:39):
I will say if you've never tried a hatch alarm clock, they like rise with the sun and then they play like this really gentle music and then they like jolt you awake.
My husband can sleep through every alarm clock except for those.
So when I have to get up at 4am, I do bring my phone in my room because if that thing goes off at 4am My husband's going to be sitting there wide eyed ready to go.
So we train our brains as far.
Michelle Niemeyer (19:01):
As alarm clocks go.
Kendall Berg (19:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
Michelle Niemeyer (19:04):
And I had, I, I have to share this story because it's kind of hilarious.
I was in a sorority in college and we had sleeping dorms and the sleeping dorms had a bunch of bunk beds, our rooms.
We had a bedroom that we shared with somebody that had a daybed in it and our desks and our closets and all that stuff.
But everybody slept in these sleeping dorms and the sleeping dorm.
(19:28):
Some of the sororities on campus had like, that was like a freshman pledge thing that they'd have to come and they'd have to wake people up every day.
We didn't do that.
We could have an alarm clock in the sleeping dorm.
And when I first was living there, I was like, what the heck?
Like alarm clocks are going off like every 10 minutes, right.
(19:49):
You would not believe how fast you got used to only hearing your own alarm clock.
And you had other people's alarm clocks going on all around you for like an hour or two hours before you got up in the morning.
And you didn't hear anybody's until yours went off.
Which says to me like, your brain just learns how to.
So if you've said in your brain, I'm really tired and I don't want to hear my Alarm clock or I'm in a habit of just not listening for it.
(20:13):
You're going to sleep through it.
Kendall Berg (20:15):
It's the same I think when you have kids.
Like my daughter wouldn't even have to cry.
She would like shift a certain way in her bed.
And my mom brain de asleep is like bing, she's about to wake up, you might as well get out of bed now.
And it's crazy how you attune yourself to things.
And then as she got older, now she moves around.
My brain's completely ignoring that.
(20:36):
Right.
No longer relevant information.
So no, I love this.
And these are some great hacks as far as like balancing your life.
And a lot of the individuals listening, they're very busy, they're probably parents.
They now lead teams.
How do they expand this skill?
So they find out what their sparks are, they figure out how to make time for it, they start living a healthier lifestyle, they start disconnecting more effectively.
(21:02):
But then they are managing a team, right?
How do they take some of these things that we're talking about?
How do they implement them to help them manage a team or bring a team together in an effective way that's going to allow them to continue to scale without reaching burnout as soon as the next team issue comes up.
Michelle Niemeyer (21:19):
Okay, so I have, you're going into the highest level, the ninja level stuff for bending time.
And so, you know, the lower level stuff is like I said, the low hanging fruit, the getting your physical body in good energy, the creating good habits, the learning about how to get rid of internal and external time sucks.
(21:41):
And then we get into some planning stuff and this is where the really good stuff happens.
So I have analysis I call a sort analysis.
And this analysis can be used really beautifully as a team exercise or as an individual thing.
What you do is you take your goal, let's say you're a sales manager, you have a certain goal, you're trying, you've got a team, they do different things.
(22:05):
You've got everybody in this team together in a team meeting and you say, you know what, like corporate just came with this goal, this is what our goal is for next year and whatever that is.
And then you go to the goal and you say, okay, what are our strengths?
What are our weaknesses?
What are the opportunities and risks of this goal?
(22:27):
So we have, you know, maybe our strengths are that we've got the two best salespeople in the whole company or in our team, we've got a really good support staff.
Maybe a weakness is that people have recognized that we could be using a different kind of software that would double the impact of what we're doing.
(22:47):
Maybe our follow through could better.
Maybe, you know, we're not closing in a certain way and we know all this from before and we have people at different levels who are part of the team who are recognizing these things.
And we go through it as a team and we have the team help build out the analysis so that you as the manager might not know the experience of the person who has to deal with that software every day that they're tearing their hair out because it just sucks, right?
(23:19):
And it could be replaced or it could be used differently or something else could be done.
And so as you're going through these things, you're recognizing what needs to be changed, you're recognizing who's like, where are the strengths?
People feel good about themselves and about their role.
You're giving people parts in it and you're identifying where, you know, what are the opportunities of this.
(23:45):
Well, maybe everybody on the team's going to see a huge bonus.
Maybe everybody on the team is going to have an opportunity to do this other thing as well.
Who knows whatever that might be.
And if you understand what the risks are, you can find ways to minimize the risk.
So maybe the risk is that maybe there are people in the team who think that if you don't meet this goal that people are going to lose their jobs.
(24:12):
That's a very real risk.
Right.
But you know, if you have that conversation as a team and you find a way to work through it together, it's going to strengthen your team and you may find information about your teammates perspective on it that wasn't the same as yours and you can work together through that and then move forward.
(24:36):
So that's one way that can be used and another way it can be used.
And this is more on an individual level.
Obviously if you're, you know, middle management and upper level management comes to you with something and they say, you have to do this.
And this is our corporate plan and it's been, you know, it's written in stone.
(24:56):
You can't come back to them and say, we don't like that, we're not going to do it.
But you might be able to come back with some reasoned things and say, it came to my attention through my team meeting about this goal that this clunky software we've been using isn't working very well.
And someone did research and discovered that this thing that costs less is going to give us twice the Follow through.
(25:20):
Can we get that right?
So that's going to help you on a personal level when you go through these things.
One of the things I've found happens a lot is that people have goals a lot of times that weren't really their goals to begin with.
And I am shocked at how many people start they've got a personal goal and it's just something that they've been carrying around with them for years and they haven't accomplished it because they don't care enough to accomplish it.
(25:53):
But they don't acknowledge that to themselves.
And so they keep trying and they keep trying something that it doesn't matter to them anymore.
It doesn't fit who they are today versus, you know, like you're a mom, you might have wanted to do things before you were a mom, that today you'd be like, yeah, that would have been cool, but that's not really who I am anymore and I don't care.
(26:15):
Right, but you're not going out there beating yourself up about it.
But some people do that and then they go through this analysis and they go, you know what?
I've got these three goals and one of these goals I literally have people go through this and we go through everything together.
And then I just tell them really quick, tell me the first thing that comes to mind, 1 to 10, how much do you want it?
(26:38):
And you'd be shocked how many people are like, oh, I don't know, maybe a six.
Most people don't say less than a five because they think that, you know, they don't want you to think that they don't want their goal.
But I've had people say 6, 7 and you know, this is my opinion, but when you're talking about your three biggest goals you're going to be investing your time and money into, I wouldn't be pursuing a goal that's a six.
(27:05):
You want to pursue a goal that's a nine or ten, right?
Or maybe even an eight, but not a six.
And if you give up on that six because you recognize that it's not who you are today or it's something your parents planted in you when you were a kid and you've just never accepted that's not who you are, you can open up that space for other things and you can spend that money on other things and the time and you're not beating your, you know, a lot of times people are beating themselves up from a self esteem perspective because they haven't accomplished a goal.
(27:40):
They don't care About.
So that's upper level ninja stuff.
Kendall Berg (27:45):
I love it.
And it's so important to do this self reflection and this team reflection.
Right.
The two things you're touching on, Michelle, I think are so key to us.
I'm going to use a very, I'm going to say common example, like I'd love to lose another five pounds.
I, I think if I asked any woman that I know, of course her top three goals is going to be I want to lose another five pounds.
Michelle Niemeyer (28:06):
Right.
Kendall Berg (28:07):
But you're right, I think a lot of the time we don't really care that much.
Michelle Niemeyer (28:11):
Well, you know, we want to lose the five pounds until we get to the cocktail party on Friday.
Yeah.
I'd rather we have this amazing dessert in front of us at the nice dinner out or you know, do you want to give up your social life so that you can lose five pounds?
Not really.
Most people don't.
Kendall Berg (28:27):
Exactly.
And so I think that there's all these things that you're right, we carry with us and we carry them as like a very heavy self esteem space when it's really not that important to us.
And I think you're right.
If you can actually shift your focus to three things that really are important to you, that really are a 9 or a 10 that really are key to life satisfaction for you're gonna make more progress, you're gonna feel more aligned, you're gonna feel more of that spark, you're gonna free time up to work on the things that are important.
(28:54):
So I, I love this because I think in general we all lack self awareness.
It's really easy for us to get caught in a pattern of what we do.
And in fact I actually.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:02):
It's so easy.
Kendall Berg (29:04):
Yeah.
I even talked about on another episode of like, you build habits so you don't have to think about them anymore.
But sometimes those happens aren't necessarily things that are good for us.
They're just a thing that we did that now we don't think for sure.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:16):
You know, I call it being stuck on the train tracks.
Kendall Berg (29:19):
Yes.
Michelle Niemeyer (29:20):
Like you get on the train tracks, right.
And you're chugging along and the train tracks weren't things that maybe you even chose or I mean if you're going back to youth, you know, I know people who got married because they were on the train tracks who were like, what were you thinking?
Everybody around you saw that you guys weren't right for each other.
(29:44):
But because they dated a certain amount of time, they just Thought they were supposed to get married, so they did.
Right.
And that goes with jobs, it goes with career choices.
It goes with lots of things.
But the other thing I want to say about that is a lot of people feel like somehow for them to be happy, they have to change their career.
They have to, like, move or they have to quit, like big things like get divorced or get.
(30:08):
You know, a lot of times it really is just about getting those sparks.
And if you know what it is that you.
That lights you up and makes you happy and you proactively make a point of getting that in your life, you're going to be fine.
You're going to be bulletproof from work, from burnout, because you're getting what you need.
(30:28):
Even if it's not maybe your perfect job that you always dreamed of.
But it's a good job and it pays well and it supports the family that you love in the place that you like living.
And there's, you know, life isn't just one dimensional.
So, you know, if you can get those sparks and you can give yourself energy and you can do some things that make you feel good, whether it's in your personal or your professional life, and you connect to people, you're going to be good.
Kendall Berg (30:59):
Yeah, I totally agree, and I've said this before, and I stand by it.
I don't think there's such a thing as a dream job.
Like, yeah, it'd be great if were all an artist who then went into making art and then felt really fulfilled making art and then magically became famous and everybody wanted our art and we lived as a millionaire.
Michelle Niemeyer (31:15):
Like, right, you just magically sold your art.
It magically marketed itself.
Kendall Berg (31:20):
Yes.
You don't have to do any of the business part that you don't like.
You just get to paint.
Like, what a dream.
Right?
But the reality is that maybe for a very, very small 00x percent of the population, that works out, but for the most part, we're working to build financial security and stability to go do all the things that we love.
Michelle Niemeyer (31:41):
Sure.
Kendall Berg (31:41):
And if you can get past this idea that my job is going to make me happy, my career is going to be that single source of fulfillment.
And to your point, start realizing my fulfillment.
Maybe there's parts of it I fulfill in my job.
I love problem solving.
Getting to solve problems in my job is a dream.
I love that aspect.
Are there days where like, maybe I don't love my client or maybe I have to deal with a difficult stakeholder?
(32:04):
Absolutely.
Michelle Niemeyer (32:05):
Yeah.
Kendall Berg (32:05):
But I'm balancing that with.
But my kids get to take this vacation because I have financial security and a job and I get to go hike.
I'm a big hiker.
So like for me, hiking once or twice a week is a dream.
So I 1000% agree with you.
And I think it's such a good mental refocus because especially in the US we get hyper fixated on like our identity is our career and our career becomes our hundred percent.
(32:27):
And that's it's not feasible or sustainable for an individual to feel success and fulfillment in that way.
Michelle Niemeyer (32:35):
Yeah, for sure.
Kendall Berg (32:36):
Everything you're bringing.
And if people are listening to this and they're like, okay, I love Michelle.
She's not only bending time, she's helping me refocus on the things that are important.
And they want to get in touch with you, they want to get more information.
Where do you want them to go?
Michelle Niemeyer (32:51):
Okay, I think I gave you a link and you're going to put it in the show notes.
If you don't have it, I'll get it to you.
But the easiest thing is if they're in the United States, they'll need the link.
If they're not, if they're in the U.S. pick up your cell phone and text the word clarity to the phone number 33777.
(33:12):
And that'll give you a signup for a community membership that I give for free.
And it has a toolbox in there and that'll give you a downloadable audio of the I told you about the clarity exercise I do with people that's in there.
There's journaling prompts about clarity in there and there's also the sword analysis that I talked about.
(33:35):
So anybody can just sign up and get access to that.
I sometimes do webinars and that kind of thing in there.
And once they're in there, they have access to all of it.
Kendall Berg (33:46):
Awesome.
I love that.
So we will make sure that we put that link in the show notes if you guys are interested in connecting with Michelle.
Otherwise, make sure you're texting Clarity and getting all of these free resources.
We love that.
So before we let you go, if you were going to tell somebody one thing to do tomorrow, hey, you're feeling burnt out, you're stressed.
Your answer to how you doing?
Is always, I'm busy.
What's one thing they can go start to do that's going to help them really find a little bit more balance, start to bend their time towards the right things?
Michelle Niemeyer (34:14):
I would say take 10 minutes, take a breath and do that clarity, exercise, find what lights you up, and then start trying to make a point of getting at least a little of that every day, whether it's in your personal life or at work or a combination of both.
(34:37):
And you know, we don't have time for this, but don't, don't erect an artificial wall in your world and call it work, life balance.
It doesn't work.
And it makes people feel bad about themselves because you're either never at home enough or you're not at work enough or you're just not enough in any way.
Integrate yourself so that you have, you make friends with the people at work.
(35:02):
You connect with people in your personal life about what you do at work as well as about who you are in other ways.
Be open and be a whole person and find those sparks that light you up every day.
Kendall Berg (35:16):
I love it.
It's an awesome takeaway.
Well, thank you so much, Michelle, for coming on today's episode.
We really loved our chat.
We'll definitely have to have you back because I feel like there's so much more that we could cover with more.
But if you guys listened today's episode and you loved it and you want more fabulous guests like Michelle, go ahead, leave us five stars.
And any questions or comments you have for Michelle or I, leave them in the comments below.
We will get back to you.
(35:36):
Otherwise.
Thanks, Michelle, so much.
It was such a great chat.
Michelle Niemeyer (35:39):
Thank you, Kendall, so much.
It was great.
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