How do I handle jealousy in a monogamous OR ENM relationship?

This week, DB reflects on last week's fantastic conversation with Certified Sex Therapist Claire Perelman. Let's take a moment to really unpack jealousy and envy, no matter if you're ENM or monogamous. What does jealousy say about us -- and what does it not? There's a sense of shame around jealousy that we can move past using our emotional honesty and by naming what we're feeling. Plus: a vocab lesson on jealousy versus envy. They're different!

JEALOUSY SCRIPTS YOU CAN STEAL
When jealousy pops up mid-scroll:
“Hey love, I’m feeling a jealousy pang. I’m going to take 10 minutes to breathe and journal, then could we do a quick check-in about Friday’s plans? I think I need a clearer start/stop time so I can plan something for me.”

When you need reassurance without rules:
“I’m not asking you to stop seeing them. I’m asking for a reassurance ritual--a goodnight text and a Saturday morning debrief. That would help my nervous system a lot.”

When you want to celebrate your partner but still have feels:
“I’m happy you had a great date, and I’m noticing some jealousy in me. Could we carve 30 minutes tomorrow for us? I want to reconnect.”

Repair after a jealous blow-up:
.css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}