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In this data-packed episode of Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily sits down with social psychologist and Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller to break down what science actually tells us about our sexual fantasies, kinks, and casual hookups. This conversation is full of insights that will make you rethink what's "normal" in bed, and help you embrace your desires with more compassion and clarity.
Dr. Lehmiller reveals the most common sexual fantasies (hint: kink is more mainstream than you think) and explains what our fantasies say about our emotional needs and life history. We explore the truth about gender differences in fantasies, how to safely explore kink and consensual non-monogamy, and research on why some people thrive with casual sex while others don't.
This episode covers practical tips for talking about fantasies with your partner without shame or pressure, plus why self-awareness (not fantasy content) is the key to sexual fulfillment. Whether you're curious about exploring fantasies, navigating open relationships, or just want to understand the psychology of desire, this conversation brings research and real talk together in a way that's both validating and thought-provoking.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction & The Kink Revolution
4:07 - Fantasy vs Reality: The Threesome Gap
11:43 - Why Gay Men Have Better Threesomes
18:17 - What Gay vs Straight Men Really Have in Common
25:04 - The Kinsey Scale & Sexual Fluidity Explained
31:20 - Friends with Benefits: What Actually Works
35:00 - The Couples Vibrator Study Results
37:45 - Dutch Sex Education: What America Gets Wrong
44:13 - How to Talk to Kids About Masturbation
48:51 - Quickfire Questions: Turn-Ons, Turn-Offs & Sex Advice