Calm AF

The gap that exists between where you are now and where you’re headed can feel excruciating and make you feel super antsy. THE WORST. Your brain, no matter how smart you are, cannot figure your way out of this gap. Because the human brain is designed to make sense of what it has experienced. If your future self is someone doing things you haven’t tried before, then the best you can do is settled into the gap until your transformati...

This is Calm AF’s 200th episode! I truly think that Calm AF was a universal energetic idea floating around looking for someone to grab it and manifest it. And I got to be the one who did. I am so, so, so grateful.

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Sign up for Opposite AF, my relationships program with my hubb...

You’re in a neurodiverse relationship. You are wired differently, a neurologically mixed couple. It’s tricky. We get it because we have lived it. In this episode, hear Dave's side of my journey to recovery as an energy manager. And join Dave and me for our new couples’ program! https://kristenfinch.com/oppositeaf

Also, have you subscribed to Calm AF's YouTube channel yet? I'm uploading new coaching videos there on the r...

Taking radical ownership of your life empowers you to create the life you want, the relationships you want, the career you want, everything. It’s not easy but it is crucial.

Personally speaking, my life overall changed for the better when I committed to fully owning it. My health improved. Our house began feeling like our home. And my neurodiverse marriage, which had been rocky, course-corrected. Not because “radical ownership” is ...

The #1 thing I am asked to talk about is my neurodiverse marriage (Dave is autistic, I’m not). And I'm SO happy to talk about it...I'm SO happy to share what worked for our marriage. Except...my advice sucks.

I mean, it's SOLID gold, it is EXCELLENT advice, but it's HARD and it takes time, it requires you to change the way you've been living your life, and it can be painful.

I told you. Sucks.

On today's epi...

One of the most important milestones in the recovery journey of an energy manager is the moment they recognize just how much their behaviors — which truly are self-sabotaging — are making their life way harder. Because this is the moment they realize they must stop managing other people’s energies. It’s also the moment in which the brain jumps in and works to convince you that NOW is not the time to ditch your energy manager habit....

Today, for my energy managers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers, I am handing out permission slips. Because YOU probably aren’t giving yourself permission to take care of yourself, to let yourself rest, to let yourself play, to STOP striving for perfection. I’m not giving you permission to check out or ignore life, I am giving you permission to do it shitty.

AND! Subscribe to Calm AF on YouTube for all my video co...

Validation is recognition or acceptance that something or someone is worthy, legitimate, and acceptable. That’s why validation, feeling valid, is such a big deal for all of us. When I talk to clients about internal validation, we are talking about a deep, almost profound knowing that who you are, and the feelings, thoughts, and opinions you bring to the table, are valid and worthwhile — without needing to hear it from anybody else....

When you feel overwhelmed, when it feels like you don’t have time, when you feel like the best course of action is just to push through, that’s when to double down on self care. The tragic mass shooting in Buffalo, followed last week by the unthinkable school shooting in Uvalde, have left us buried - practically suffocating - in feelings. For so many of us, the temptation is to ignore the heavy feelings and just white-knuckle our w...

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about Energy Managers and energy managing on my podcast. So much so, that a number of clients and listeners have turned to Google to learn even more about energy managing, only to discover zero search results related to this topic.

And that is because the concept of the Energy Manager is something that I made up, a phrase I’ve coined. While Energy Managers have always existed, the classification come...

An energy manager is someone whose people-pleasing habit has gone next-level and become an addiction. You know you’re an energy manager if you are constantly and hyper-vigilantly managing the moods, thoughts, and feelings of your people — your partner, friends, coworkers, furnace repair guy, whoever. It’s exhausting and thankless and the “work” of energy managing never ends. And the crazy thing is that IT DOESN’T WORK. Like addicts...

Gorgeous soul, I am pretty sure this episode of the Calm AF podcast is meant just for you. Today, I am talking all about energy managers. And if you’re not sure what I mean by “energy manager,” think of energy managers as people pleasers who have taken people pleasing to a whole new level. They’re the ones who are not merely seeking the approval of one person, they are seeking to control all the moods of all the people. Yeah. It’s...

There is never a downside to choosing empowered thinking. There is never a downside to choosing to believe that the best is going to happen instead of the worst is going to happen, or believing that you are capable or worthy or enough. Your brain wants to hold onto the "yeah buts." Yeah, but what if I'm not? Yeah, but what if I fail? Yeah, but what about other people's opinions? Your brain — the human brain — is de...

ALL clutter is an accumulation of things that you don’t use, things don’t serve a purpose, things you’ve outgrown, unhelpful things that are taking up space. That space can be your home, your mind or your body. Today, let’s talk about the emotional clutter that's getting in your way. Check out this related PLAYLIST that I've curated just for you, for after you listen to this episode: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/62477350...