53. Pride Destroys Pleasure

Pride can be an invisible barrier, quietly stealing joy from life’s simplest moments. 

Why do experiences that should bring happiness often create tension instead? 

How can a game of foosball shift from fun to frustration the moment your self-image feels threatened?

In this episode, Seth Roberts explores how the mental pictures we create of ourselves being "smart," "good," or "winners" can limit our ability to enjoy life fully. By letting go of the need to protect our self-image, we open the door to experiencing joy without judgment and learning without fear.

Listen now to discover how releasing pride might be the key to finally enjoying life as it is.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this show, that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
Our pride is tied up in thepicture we create of ourself.

(00:29):
It's what we see when we lookinto the mirror of the mind, but
in truth, the whole thing ismade up.
We are not the person in ourimagination.
If we could eliminate thisperception of ourself, we would
be free of pride, and pride iseffectively the fence we build
up around us.

(00:49):
It acts as our guide for how wethink we should move around in
this world.
The issue is that when weinvent this image, we build in
things that we cannot reallycontrol, such as I am a winner,
or I am strong, or I am good atA, b or C.
You may be all of those things,but you are not all of those

(01:12):
things all the time, and youlikely did not start that way.
It struck me a while back when Iheard the phrase pride destroys
pleasure, because it wassomething I'd never thought of
before, but it resonated as muchas I hate to admit it, I am one
of the most prideful people Iknow, and it has been a ball and

(01:35):
chain my entire life.
There are plenty of areas in mylife where pride does not get
in the way where it may foranother person, but where my
pride does get in the way, itstands there like Gandalf the
Grey and will not let me pass.
I don't know where pride comesfrom, because I see some people,
for better or for worse,willing to do things my pride

(01:57):
would never allow me to.
One area of my life where prideis taking its toll is with
sports.
I love intense physicalactivities, but I find it near
impossible to play incompetitive sports.
Everyone knows a few people intheir lives that are just too
competitive when they playsports.
The only reason that guy is notme is because I am so

(02:19):
competitive I refuse to engage,and if I do, I never take the
game seriously.
My pride has effectively robbedme of one of the best
experiences life has to offer,and my refusal to take that risk
hurt nobody other than myself.
When we're stuck in our headsworrying about how we're going
to appear, there is no room forthe rest of the body to

(02:45):
experience any kind of pleasure.
If the whole time you areplaying a game and are worrying
all the time about performingpoorly, you will not enjoy
yourself.
If you are afraid to look dumbwhile you're dancing, you will
probably never dance, and if andwhen you do, you will almost
certainly look dumb.
Your pride will have robbed you.
Even physical intimacy can becompletely destroyed by allowing

(03:08):
our focus to drift toperformance.
There's so much to be gained inthe giving up of pride.
It is the potential to live foronce in the moment and not to
be stuck worried about thefuture.
When we're thinking about ourreputation or how we appear, we
lose the gifts life has to offer.
It's easy to think that life ismeant to be a slog and that

(03:31):
we're intended to simply endurethrough it, but I honestly
believe life gives far more thanit takes if we're willing to
take the gifts it has to offer,although few of us would ever
know that, because most of thetime we choose not to take what
life has to offer when it'strying to give it to us.
Although few of us would everknow that, because most of the
time we choose not to take whatlife has to offer when it's
trying to give it to us.
Typically, we're thinking toomuch about how things will play

(03:52):
out tomorrow or how they mayaffect our image.
Our pride robs us of pleasurewhen it tells us we have to be
good at sports, but realityrequires us to see that we are
not always as good as we thought.
It robs us of pleasure when ourpride tells us we are a good
person and then fills us full ofguilt or blinds us to our

(04:13):
shortcomings when weoccasionally do make mistakes.
Pride even ruins the days thatyou are winning by depriving you
of the joy of having won andreplacing it with the simple
relief that you didn't lose.
What's the point of chasingafter good things if you can't
even appreciate them?
You know who doesn't have prideChildren.

(04:33):
I like to joke that I couldgive my kids trash for Christmas
and they would be ecstaticWithout your pride telling you
that you only enjoy certainthings.
The world opens up again when Ifind myself learning something
or playing a game without mypride in tow.
Messing up or losing is part ofthe fun.
It's fun to see if we can dobetter and in that moment where

(04:58):
you win the game or figure outthat thing you were trying to
learn.
The excitement is real andincredible.
Growing up, my family had afoosball table in the house and
I got pretty good.
In fact I rarely lost.
But one day we had a party atmy house and there was a kid
that showed up that I didn'tknow very well.
One day we had a party at myhouse and there was a kid that

(05:19):
showed up that I didn't knowvery well, much to my
disappointment.
When I started playing foosballagainst him, he quickly started
to win and the joy of the gameslowly turned to a fight to
preserve my self-image as anunbeatable foosball player.
That stupid little soccer balljust kept going into my goal and
ultimately I lost that game.

(05:44):
We don't need to tie our prideto stupid things like foosball.
But really we don't need to tieour pride to anything.
We're not the image we'vecreated in our mind.
All we really are is anobserver in this existence that
has been gifted with the abilityto act.
Yet we spend so much time inour lives planning and
strategizing to achieve a lifethat fits that picture we have
of ourselves, but in creatingthat picture we're building

(06:07):
unnecessary pain and prisons forourself.
Pride starts the moment we startbelieving things about ourself.
It's the moment we tell, tellourselves that we're a good
person, or that we're a smartperson, or that we're tough.
You are none of those things.
No matter how badly you want tobe At certain moments in time

(06:28):
you have been those things, butthose are descriptors of things
that have happened and are notapplicable to anything that
hasn't happened.
Maybe you are sitting in yourcar right now and maybe you are
on the couch.
In either of those scenarios,you are not being tough, smart
or good.
You are listening to a podcastand that is all you are in that

(06:50):
moment.
Good qualities are things tostrive for, but we want to treat
them like immortal titles forour personhood.
They may be applicable titlesmost of the time, but when we
attach our pride to them, theycan easily become prisons.
It's far more accurate to saythat you are striving to be good
, or that you aim to make smartdecisions, or that you are going

(07:13):
to try to be tough.
When you picture yourself theway you want to be in your mind,
just don't confuse it for whatyou are, because you are not
your body or your brain oranything else you are
envisioning.
You are the spark that givesthe whole assembly a reason to
move.
It's better to let your mindand body be used to fuel that

(07:34):
spark with pleasure, joy andhappiness than it is to stifle
it forever with guilt, shame,embarrassment and insecurity.
Pride destroys pleasure.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.

(07:55):
For more information about me,feel free to visit
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