April 21, 2025 • 10 mins
What fills your cup—success, admiration, wealth? Many of us chase these things, only to find our fulfillment draining away, like a cup with hidden holes.
This episode explores the difference between fleeting happiness and lasting contentment. True satisfaction doesn’t come from achievement alone, but from living in alignment with our values. Even great success can feel hollow if it doesn’t reflect what truly matters to us.
From Leo Tolstoy’s turn toward simplicity to Hiroo Onoda’s decades-long commitment, we uncover how real fulfillment often comes from self-denial, not self-indulgence. The question isn’t what you want, but what you’re willing to stand for.
Join us as we explore what makes life truly meaningful. Subscribe now and start building a life of deeper contentment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that, as we considerthat question, along with other
topics on this, show that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
If we had a metaphorical cupthat needed to be filled up to
(00:29):
feel contentment, what would wehave to fill it with?
I know what we try to fill itwith.
I know we try to fill it withall kinds of things, but
sometimes I think the realproblem isn't that we don't have
things to put in the cup, butrather that the cup has a hole
in it.
Maybe that cup in and of itselfrepresents our capacity to be
(00:51):
content.
Well, all the things that we doto feel happy are what we try
to fill it with.
If the cup is working the wayit's supposed to, it
theoretically won't take muchfor us to feel satisfied, but if
only things were so simple.
The problem is that most of thetime, we're filling it with the
(01:12):
wrong things.
We pursue things that make ushappy at the expense of things
that make us feel satisfied.
Maybe a better metaphor is thatwe're kind of like a car that's
being given the wrong fuel torun on, and consequently, we're
sputtering and inefficient.
Maybe we were designed for onekind of fuel, but we heard race
(01:35):
cars run on something different,so we're trying to fill it up
on the same stuff as them.
Part of the problem is thathappiness is an incredibly Part
of the problem is that happinessis an incredibly unsatisfying
emotion.
The second it leaves us, we'reready to beg for more.
I've heard once that happinessshould be expected to come and
(01:58):
go, regardless of our actions.
I think it's the kind of thingto be grateful for when it's
there, but not necessarilydisappointed by when it finally
does leave us.
Of course, being socialcreatures, sometimes we let our
desires become informed by whatwe see others seeking, and if
everyone is looking for the samething in life, then it's easy
(02:18):
to think that maybe that's whatwe need to be looking for to
feel happy.
That's what we need to belooking for to feel happy.
Somehow, though, we take cuesfrom other people's desires more
often than we take cues fromthe people that actually seem
content and happy.
What makes a person content andhappy doesn't seem to be a
one-size-fits-all solution, sorarely do we truly know what we
(02:42):
actually want?
Is it to be rich enough to buya nice house?
Is it to be richer than yourfriends?
Is it to have contributed moreto society in some meaningful
way?
Is it to have the perfectfamily, or is it to be the most
respected person in the room?
Success is so much more nuancedthan just making a lot of money
(03:05):
.
We're drawn to this idea thatmoney equals success, I think,
because it's quantifiable, butpeople aren't so simple.
Money definitely equals comfort, but success is more dependent
on what you value, whether it'sother people's respect, people's
love, money, knowing more thanthe next person, etc.
(03:27):
A good way to know if you arenot successful in life is if you
find yourself compelled to showpeople, in some shape, way or
form, that you are.
I'm thinking of the guys thatwant their friends and
colleagues to see their cars,the woman that has to post a
million pictures to show justhow cute and happy her family is
(03:47):
, the kings and queens ofInstagram, the guys that insist
on using technical jargon no onearound them understands so that
they can look smart.
If you need people other thanyour close circle to see your
successes, then maybe whatsuccess really means to you is
the admiration and envy ofothers.
(04:07):
All too often, though, thatseems like a losing battle,
because if you so badly need theapproval of people that you are
not even close to, maybe whatyou lack is admiration for
yourself.
If that is the case, your cupwill never be full for long,
because it has a hole in thebottom of it.
(04:28):
Accurately defining success is abigger problem for most people
than the effort to actuallybecome successful.
It's easy to adopt a society'sview on success, but real
success is what ultimately makesyou feel successful.
More often than not, that kindof success has less to do with
money and reputation and more todo with how satisfied you are
(04:50):
with your own actions relativeto your values.
A lot of unhappy people havevalues.
The thing that makes themunhappy is that they chase after
satisfying their wants beforethey pursue their values, and
(05:14):
this is why, when they succeedin getting most of their wants,
they feel empty and confused,because they thought they got
everything they wanted, butthey're still unhappy.
All the adoration and the moneyin the world will do little for
you until you find a way to besuccessful in the way that
actually matters to you.
The more successful you are inattaining your wants in life.
Without becoming successfulaccording to what you actually
value, the more empty you willbecome.
(05:35):
Success starts with knowing whatit even means to you.
At the start, it's simplyknowing what things you need to
change in order to feel goodabout yourself, and after that
it's a matter of maximizing yourpotential.
The more I think on it, thething that really fills our cup
isn't some custom solution.
It's the same solution foreveryone.
(05:58):
To fill our cup, we need to beliving in harmony with how we
believe we should be living,according to that which we
believe is right and wrong.
It's easy to endure discomfortwhen your values require it,
because it leaves you satisfied,regardless of your
circumstances.
One of my favorite examples ofthis was the famous Russian
(06:19):
writer Leo Tolstoy, near the endof his life, after he had
achieved fame and money.
I think he already had money,because I think he inherited
some, but regardless, at thispoint in his life, he chose to
live extremely simply because itbetter aligned with his values.
Maybe the reason we can't fillour cup is not because we're not
(06:44):
living according to our values,but because we are living
without a set of values at all.
That would effectively be liketrying to fill a cup that
doesn't even exist.
If that was the case, thenhappiness is all you would have
worth pursuing, which, of course, is a pleasant emotion, but
it's not a satisfying one.
(07:04):
So, at the end of the day,figuring out what really matters
to you is at the crux of theissue.
If money, reputation, power orpleasure are the only things
worth pursuing, you are fightinga battle that cannot be won
because in and of themselves,they cannot leave you satisfied.
Principles and purpose are thevehicle that will take us to a
(07:29):
satisfying life.
So what are your principles?
What would you be willing tolay your life on the altar for?
Isn't it ironic that the verythings that actually satisfy us
in life are the things thatoften require some amount of
self-denial?
Not long ago, I read about aJapanese soldier named Hiro
(07:50):
Onoda that was fighting in thejungles of the Philippines when
World War II ended, but wasunaware of that fact because he
was isolated with a handful ofother soldiers and he'd lost
direct contact with theirleadership.
Multiple efforts were made tomake these men aware that the
war was over, including leafletswritten in Japanese that were
(08:12):
dropped from planes and spreadover the jungle.
But he just thought it wasenemy propaganda.
His fellow soldiers eventuallydied or surrendered, but Hiro
fought on for 30 years after thewar, mostly harassing the
native Filipinos.
He lived off of forage andwhatever he stole from the
natives.
When he was finally found by ayoung Japanese explorer, he
(08:37):
still refused to leave until hewas relieved from duty by his
commanding officer, so they hadto fly someone out there in
order to do that.
I read that when he finallyreturned to Japan, it had
changed so much in the directionof consumerism that he was left
feeling more unhappy than hewas when he was living in the
jungles off of forage.
(08:59):
In spite of living on nothingfor 30 years, he was satisfied
because he was living by hisprinciples, as misdirected as
those may have been.
In effect, he lived anhonorable life.
If you don't know whatprinciples you would commit your
life to, you will always have ahole in your cup.
(09:19):
You will always have a hole inyour cup.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
For more information about me,feel free to visit
skippingstonessrcom, and if youenjoyed the show, please like or
subscribe.
If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel
(09:40):
free to email me at info atskippingstonessrcom.
New episodes will be releasedweekly, every Monday.
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that, as we considerthat question, along with other
topics on this, show that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
If we had a metaphorical cupthat needed to be filled up to
(00:29):
feel contentment, what would wehave to fill it with?
I know what we try to fill itwith.
I know we try to fill it withall kinds of things, but
sometimes I think the realproblem isn't that we don't have
things to put in the cup, butrather that the cup has a hole
in it.
Maybe that cup in and of itselfrepresents our capacity to be
(00:51):
content.
Well, all the things that we doto feel happy are what we try
to fill it with.
If the cup is working the wayit's supposed to, it
theoretically won't take muchfor us to feel satisfied, but if
only things were so simple.
The problem is that most of thetime, we're filling it with the
(01:12):
wrong things.
We pursue things that make ushappy at the expense of things
that make us feel satisfied.
Maybe a better metaphor is thatwe're kind of like a car that's
being given the wrong fuel torun on, and consequently, we're
sputtering and inefficient.
Maybe we were designed for onekind of fuel, but we heard race
(01:35):
cars run on something different,so we're trying to fill it up
on the same stuff as them.
Part of the problem is thathappiness is an incredibly Part
of the problem is that happinessis an incredibly unsatisfying
emotion.
The second it leaves us, we'reready to beg for more.
I've heard once that happinessshould be expected to come and
(01:58):
go, regardless of our actions.
I think it's the kind of thingto be grateful for when it's
there, but not necessarilydisappointed by when it finally
does leave us.
Of course, being socialcreatures, sometimes we let our
desires become informed by whatwe see others seeking, and if
everyone is looking for the samething in life, then it's easy
(02:18):
to think that maybe that's whatwe need to be looking for to
feel happy.
That's what we need to belooking for to feel happy.
Somehow, though, we take cuesfrom other people's desires more
often than we take cues fromthe people that actually seem
content and happy.
What makes a person content andhappy doesn't seem to be a
one-size-fits-all solution, sorarely do we truly know what we
(02:42):
actually want?
Is it to be rich enough to buya nice house?
Is it to be richer than yourfriends?
Is it to have contributed moreto society in some meaningful
way?
Is it to have the perfectfamily, or is it to be the most
respected person in the room?
Success is so much more nuancedthan just making a lot of money
(03:05):
.
We're drawn to this idea thatmoney equals success, I think,
because it's quantifiable, butpeople aren't so simple.
Money definitely equals comfort, but success is more dependent
on what you value, whether it'sother people's respect, people's
love, money, knowing more thanthe next person, etc.
(03:27):
A good way to know if you arenot successful in life is if you
find yourself compelled to showpeople, in some shape, way or
form, that you are.
I'm thinking of the guys thatwant their friends and
colleagues to see their cars,the woman that has to post a
million pictures to show justhow cute and happy her family is
(03:47):
, the kings and queens ofInstagram, the guys that insist
on using technical jargon no onearound them understands so that
they can look smart.
If you need people other thanyour close circle to see your
successes, then maybe whatsuccess really means to you is
the admiration and envy ofothers.
(04:07):
All too often, though, thatseems like a losing battle,
because if you so badly need theapproval of people that you are
not even close to, maybe whatyou lack is admiration for
yourself.
If that is the case, your cupwill never be full for long,
because it has a hole in thebottom of it.
(04:28):
Accurately defining success is abigger problem for most people
than the effort to actuallybecome successful.
It's easy to adopt a society'sview on success, but real
success is what ultimately makesyou feel successful.
More often than not, that kindof success has less to do with
money and reputation and more todo with how satisfied you are
(04:50):
with your own actions relativeto your values.
A lot of unhappy people havevalues.
The thing that makes themunhappy is that they chase after
satisfying their wants beforethey pursue their values, and
(05:14):
this is why, when they succeedin getting most of their wants,
they feel empty and confused,because they thought they got
everything they wanted, butthey're still unhappy.
All the adoration and the moneyin the world will do little for
you until you find a way to besuccessful in the way that
actually matters to you.
The more successful you are inattaining your wants in life.
Without becoming successfulaccording to what you actually
value, the more empty you willbecome.
(05:35):
Success starts with knowing whatit even means to you.
At the start, it's simplyknowing what things you need to
change in order to feel goodabout yourself, and after that
it's a matter of maximizing yourpotential.
The more I think on it, thething that really fills our cup
isn't some custom solution.
It's the same solution foreveryone.
(05:58):
To fill our cup, we need to beliving in harmony with how we
believe we should be living,according to that which we
believe is right and wrong.
It's easy to endure discomfortwhen your values require it,
because it leaves you satisfied,regardless of your
circumstances.
One of my favorite examples ofthis was the famous Russian
(06:19):
writer Leo Tolstoy, near the endof his life, after he had
achieved fame and money.
I think he already had money,because I think he inherited
some, but regardless, at thispoint in his life, he chose to
live extremely simply because itbetter aligned with his values.
Maybe the reason we can't fillour cup is not because we're not
(06:44):
living according to our values,but because we are living
without a set of values at all.
That would effectively be liketrying to fill a cup that
doesn't even exist.
If that was the case, thenhappiness is all you would have
worth pursuing, which, of course, is a pleasant emotion, but
it's not a satisfying one.
(07:04):
So, at the end of the day,figuring out what really matters
to you is at the crux of theissue.
If money, reputation, power orpleasure are the only things
worth pursuing, you are fightinga battle that cannot be won
because in and of themselves,they cannot leave you satisfied.
Principles and purpose are thevehicle that will take us to a
(07:29):
satisfying life.
So what are your principles?
What would you be willing tolay your life on the altar for?
Isn't it ironic that the verythings that actually satisfy us
in life are the things thatoften require some amount of
self-denial?
Not long ago, I read about aJapanese soldier named Hiro
(07:50):
Onoda that was fighting in thejungles of the Philippines when
World War II ended, but wasunaware of that fact because he
was isolated with a handful ofother soldiers and he'd lost
direct contact with theirleadership.
Multiple efforts were made tomake these men aware that the
war was over, including leafletswritten in Japanese that were
(08:12):
dropped from planes and spreadover the jungle.
But he just thought it wasenemy propaganda.
His fellow soldiers eventuallydied or surrendered, but Hiro
fought on for 30 years after thewar, mostly harassing the
native Filipinos.
He lived off of forage andwhatever he stole from the
natives.
When he was finally found by ayoung Japanese explorer, he
(08:37):
still refused to leave until hewas relieved from duty by his
commanding officer, so they hadto fly someone out there in
order to do that.
I read that when he finallyreturned to Japan, it had
changed so much in the directionof consumerism that he was left
feeling more unhappy than hewas when he was living in the
jungles off of forage.
(08:59):
In spite of living on nothingfor 30 years, he was satisfied
because he was living by hisprinciples, as misdirected as
those may have been.
In effect, he lived anhonorable life.
If you don't know whatprinciples you would commit your
life to, you will always have ahole in your cup.
(09:19):
You will always have a hole inyour cup.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
For more information about me,feel free to visit
skippingstonessrcom, and if youenjoyed the show, please like or
subscribe.
If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel
(09:40):
free to email me at info atskippingstonessrcom.
New episodes will be releasedweekly, every Monday.
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