62. Men Want to Be Mothered

What men want in relationships beyond sex might surprise you, especially when it comes to emotional needs.

In this episode of Skipping Stones, we dive into the often-overlooked truth behind masculine and feminine dynamics. Men don’t just want respect or physical connection, they crave nurturing love. Not in a maternal sense, but in the form of warmth, attentiveness, and softness that balances their drive to protect and provide.

Through reflections as a divorced father, I explore how modern relationships suffer from confusion around gender roles and how clarity can bring connection. When a man feels deeply cared for, he instinctively gives more. And when a woman feels safe and supported, her nurturing flows freely. It’s not about stereotypes. It’s about honoring what makes us whole.

If you’ve ever struggled to understand your partner or questioned the emotional undercurrents of your relationship, this episode offers a powerful new lens.

Subscribe for weekly insights on how to live and love more intentionally.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this, show that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
I think, as much as the typicalman wants to project an image

(00:33):
of rugged independence andtoughness, what he really wants
out of a relationship with awoman is to be mothered.
There are two distinctdifferences between men and
women as I see it, and oneobviously is biology, but the
other, I would say, is nature.
The differences between ournatures is that, generally
speaking, men are tuned intothings and women are tuned into

(00:57):
people.
You won't find nearly as manywomen as men fixing cars or
spouting out random facts aboutthe Civil War, and vice versa.
You won't find nearly as manymen seeking to be elementary
school teachers.
Of course not that theycouldn't.
As important as sex is to a man.

(01:18):
If that's all he wanted in arelationship, he could simply
pay for it.
Men do not seek outrelationships with women because
they just want sex.
What they want is feminine love.
They want the back scratches,they want the adoration.
They want the person to feelbad for them when things are

(01:40):
hard.
They want someone to tell themto go to the doctor.
They want someone to make thema sandwich, not because they
want a subservient woman, butbecause that is the kind of
thing that feminine women dowhen they love someone.
In short, men want to bemothered, not because they want
another mom, but simply becausemothers happen to do loving

(02:04):
things.
Being in a divorce situation,it's become incredibly clear to
me as I try to raise my kidsthat I am deficient in the
femininity category.
I do my best and they stillhave their mom in their life,
but I noticed the other day, asI was trying to think about
things like clothes, shoes andother stuff they needed, that it

(02:26):
really hurt my head.
They're all well fed and theyhave what they need, but for the
life of me, I cannot figure outhow to stay on top of the
little details that mothers seemto do without trying.
So I like the topic ofmasculinity and femininity.
It's a strange time in history,and I don't know that it has

(02:49):
ever had so much focus on itbefore, because in the past I
think the concept of masculinityand femininity was more or less
taken for granted.
The last four or five decadeshave brought a generation of men
and women to start wonderingwhat really is masculine and
feminine.
Now, ideas are tricky things.

(03:09):
In my short life, it seems asthough every popular movement
has had a certain amount ofwhiplash, and in the case of
masculinity, it seems like theapproach to it is sometimes more
like using a hammer to bendsomething back into shape.
It might get you more or lesswhere you need to be, but it's
probably going to be pretty ugly.
For some people it seems likeit's become a religion, complete

(03:33):
with an entire set of rules forwhat is and is not masculine.
The gist of what mostmasculinity preachers seem to be
preaching is that men need tobe rugged, tough, independent
and competitive.
The ideal man is something of across between a superhero and a
philosopher, and I actuallylike that idea.

(03:55):
But where I struggle a littlebit is the idea of rugged
independence.
I do believe the ideal man isindeed a leader.
I also believe thatrelationships work best when the
man can provide and protect insome way, even if he isn't the
primary breadwinner.

(04:16):
But where I think I differ alittle is that in an ideal
relationship, a man should notbe entirely independent from his
woman.
If he doesn't need her in someway other than sexually, there's
no reason for him to have asteady relationship.
What he needs is that nurturingelement that women have a

(04:37):
unique capacity to offer.
I don't think any womannecessarily owes any man that
kind of love and attention.
The difference between a man'smother and the woman in his life
is that there's an exchangebetween him and his woman.
A mother rightly so is going tohave some amount of affection

(04:57):
or hope for her children,regardless of how ridiculous
they become.
But that kind of feminine loveand attention coming from a
partnership with a woman onlybelongs to a man that gives back
.
I've heard women complain quitea bit about their husbands
being another child to them.
I don't think any woman wantsto feel like a mother to her

(05:19):
husband, and that makes sense tome, because a mother is not
just a nurturer but in a sensethey are also a provider and
protector to their children.
In the earliest years ofchildhood, mothers are
everything to that child.
I think largely because of thisinherent responsibility placed
on women's shoulders, it makesit clear that in order to feel

(05:39):
happy with their partner, heneeds to make her feel secure.
Since the dawn of humanity,women have relied on their men
to protect them so that they cankeep those children alive.
A harsh, harsh world has shapedthis relationship from the very
beginning.
So if a man is failing toprovide a level of safety and

(06:00):
security to the woman, therelationship is going to
struggle.
But likewise, the more a manfeels that love and admiration
from his wife, the better hewill be prepared to face the
forces of the world.
When everything is going right,the male-female dynamic is a
beautiful thing.
When a man feels loved andadored by his woman, he feels

(06:24):
that much more determined toface the world and is that much
more motivated to protect thewoman of his life.
As a consequence of that, he'sgoing to be more likely to
succeed in that world and willbe more capable of making his
wife feel safe and secure, ofmaking his wife feel safe and

(06:45):
secure.
When a woman feels completelysafe and secure with her man,
that well of feminine love andattention is opened.
And the cycle goes on andbolsters them both against the
inevitable pain and crisis thatthe world will throw at them.
So when a woman says she thinksher man is like another child
to her, so when a woman says shethinks her man is like another

(07:05):
child to her, I think what thatreally means is that she no
longer feels safe and securewith him, because if she did, I
don't think it would reallybother her to have to remind him
to take a shower or to go tothe doctor or to scratch his
back.
I can only really speak formyself, but I think most men
want the same things out of arelationship.

(07:25):
It's not just about the sex,but the little things the way
she scratches your head when shemakes you a meal that you
really like, when she noticesthat you're tired from work and
tries to do something to helpyou with that.
I could never be completelyreciprocal with a woman in
showing love that way, but whatI can do is take care of her.

(07:49):
I can tell her how much I loveher.
I can be the kind of man she'sproud to have as a partner in
her life.
As a child, I ran to my motherfor safety, protection and love.
I ran to her so that she wouldhold me and keep the nightmares

(08:09):
at bay.
Today I would sooner be the oneto try and protect my mother
and that's how it's supposed tobe, but I will never stop
appreciating her love, which hasalways been obvious to me.
Men want to be mothered,because mothers do loving things
, and what it boils down to isthat men want to feel loved.
Skippingstonessrcom, and if youenjoyed the show, please like

(08:49):
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