June 2, 2025 • 9 mins
Why You're Not as Behind as You Think
It’s easy to believe others are ahead, more successful, more fulfilled, more everything. But that feeling often says more about where you're looking than where you truly are.
In this episode of Skipping Stones, we explore how comparison distorts our view of progress and keeps us chasing someone else’s idea of success. What if the game isn’t about catching up, but about choosing a different race altogether?
Tune in for a fresh perspective on how to break free from the noise, focus on what matters, and find satisfaction in your own lane.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this show, that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
Have you ever felt like otherpeople got a head start in life,
(00:28):
like they were born taller,richer, smarter, more connected?
Well, maybe they were, but evenwith all of those advantages,
they're still not guaranteed towin, and neither are you, unless
(00:49):
you stop playing their game soyou can play your own game.
So someone was telling me astory recently about this guy
that was born with a diseasethat made his spine form
abnormally and the effect was hedidn't grow very tall and he's
dealt with major joint issuesthroughout his life.
This friend of mine that wastelling me the story mentioned
how hard it really was on thisguy and that he'd sometimes just
get stuck dwelling on hismisfortunes, and I completely
(01:12):
understand that's a seriousdisadvantage in life.
I don't really have that manydisadvantages in life, but
regardless I still find myselfsulking about the things that I
feel deficient in.
There may be somebody out therein the world that has no
deficiency.
That person might be a goodlooking guy, that's 6'4", smart,
(01:33):
athletic, muscly and from agood family, but I bet even he
would have his moments offeeling less than others.
And maybe some other guy hasall those things but is even
more intelligent.
You might be the prettiestwoman in town, but the man of
your dreams wanted someone else.
There are limitless ways tofeel inadequate.
(01:56):
If there is a way to feelinadequate, we will find our way
there.
We seem to like to placeourselves into competition with
the rest of the world bycomparing ourselves to them.
But I wonder what it is thatwe're competing for.
We compare ourselves againstothers for things that can't
even change.
So sometimes it seems likewe're competing in the wrong
(02:20):
race and for the wrong prize.
The races I see us puttingourselves in are things like
who's got the greatest value inthe sexual marketplace or who is
strongest, who is the richest,but also sometimes we compete to
see who's been dealt the worstcards.
As a kid I literally feltdeficient at times for not being
(02:43):
as poor as some of the otherkids at school who bragged about
it.
So presumably we like tocompare and compete against
others because there's some kindof prize for winning Otherwise.
I'm not sure why we do it, butI think that prize for most of
us is simply to feel better thansomeone else.
Just as we will find any waypossible to feel inadequate, we
(03:05):
also have a million differentways to feel better than someone
else.
We will feel better thansomeone else for being poorer
than them just as fast asfeeling better than them for
being richer.
It just makes me thinksometimes.
What is this nonsense game thatwe're playing?
If we can literally useanything to make ourselves feel
(03:26):
superior or inferior to anyoneelse, then maybe this game of
comparison is nothing more thana giant hamster wheel.
I wonder sometimes why we'recompeting at all, when the only
thing most of us really want isto feel content.
Or maybe I'm wrong andcontentment is not what we're
looking for.
But even if I am wrong,contentment still is the only
(03:50):
prize worth attaining.
But how do you compete forcontentment?
I think the nice thing aboutcontentment is that you don't
compete for it.
That being said, our natureseems to be to strive it.
That being said, our natureseems to be to strive, and there
are benefits to being good at athing.
So it begs the question how dowe get ahead when we are so far
(04:12):
behind.
It seems that the trick tocatching up in a race where we
have a disadvantage is to play adifferent game where we don't.
For example, if I have dwarfismand I'm trying to become a
world-class sprinter, mydisadvantage is going to be too
great to overcome.
But the good thing about life isthere are a lot of different
(04:34):
games for us to play and wedon't all have to play the same
one, although if you're going totry and play a different game
in life, you need to know whatyou're hoping the game can give.
You See, two people may becompeting in the same game but
with very different purposes,and two people can be playing
different games but with thesame purpose.
(04:55):
You might be striving to makeas much money as possible for
the purpose of trying to be moreattractive to women, or you
might be bodybuilding for thesame purpose.
While one person may be playingsports for the joy of working
outside as something that theylike, another person may be
doing it for status.
(05:15):
One person may be chasing moneyto feel like they have value,
while the other may be chasingmoney because it helps with
different pursuits.
Most of the wants we pursueseem to fall into just a handful
of deeper wants.
In the case of sports, maybethe deeper want for one of those
people is to feel like they'reworthy, while for the other, the
(05:37):
deeper want is nothing morethan a desire for the pleasure
that the game brings them.
Let's just imagine that you'reseverely disadvantaged.
In spite of our disadvantages,there's almost always some game
where those disadvantages do notapply always some game where
(05:58):
those disadvantages do not apply.
A person without legs can stillarm wrestle and a person
without arms can still run.
You might be behind in mostraces, but there will always be
one of them that you have somecapacity to win at.
Your options, inherently, aregoing to be fewer than the
options that some people have,and that goes for just about
everybody in the world.
But even if a person has nodisadvantages whatsoever and
(06:20):
could excel in anything theypursue, they still have the
limitation of their time andattention.
No person can excel ateverything because no person has
unlimited time and attention.
One of the greatest advantagespeople have in any game is how
much time that they're willingto dedicate to it.
The world will never know whothe greatest athlete of all time
(06:45):
is, because the greatestathlete of all time cannot excel
at the highest levels in everysport because they don't have
the time or may even have somedisadvantage in a particular
sport.
The good news for anyone thathas ever felt disadvantaged is
that opportunities to succeed ata thing are basically limitless
(07:05):
, and even if you are excludedfrom 90% of those opportunities,
10% of limitless is still avery big number.
I believe that most unhappinessin our world comes from the
comparison of ourselves toothers.
It comes from playing games wecannot win, or games that we
could win that we just don'tchoose to engage with.
(07:27):
Ultimately, the unhappiness weexperience in life comes down to
us.
I heard in another podcastrecently that people that win
the lottery feel incrediblyhappy when they win, but roughly
a year later they feel aboutthe same level of happy as they
did before they won it.
And likewise, people thatbecome quadriplegics feel
(07:50):
incredibly depressed for a time,but roughly a year later they
feel about as happy as they didbefore their accident.
See how content and happy weare is not really tied to the
things that are going on in ourlife, but rather something
deeper inside of us.
The real lesson is that thegame we need to be playing is
(08:13):
really an internal one.
It is independent of everyoneelse in the world.
Hard as we may try to besteveryone, the only person worth
besting is our lesser self.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
For more information about me,feel free to visit
(08:36):
skippingstonessrcom, and if youenjoyed the show, please like or
subscribe.
If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel
free to email me at info atskippingstonessrcom.
New episodes will be releasedweekly, every Monday.
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this show, that we canall learn to live our lives
just a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.
Have you ever felt like otherpeople got a head start in life,
(00:28):
like they were born taller,richer, smarter, more connected?
Well, maybe they were, but evenwith all of those advantages,
they're still not guaranteed towin, and neither are you, unless
(00:49):
you stop playing their game soyou can play your own game.
So someone was telling me astory recently about this guy
that was born with a diseasethat made his spine form
abnormally and the effect was hedidn't grow very tall and he's
dealt with major joint issuesthroughout his life.
This friend of mine that wastelling me the story mentioned
how hard it really was on thisguy and that he'd sometimes just
get stuck dwelling on hismisfortunes, and I completely
(01:12):
understand that's a seriousdisadvantage in life.
I don't really have that manydisadvantages in life, but
regardless I still find myselfsulking about the things that I
feel deficient in.
There may be somebody out therein the world that has no
deficiency.
That person might be a goodlooking guy, that's 6'4", smart,
(01:33):
athletic, muscly and from agood family, but I bet even he
would have his moments offeeling less than others.
And maybe some other guy hasall those things but is even
more intelligent.
You might be the prettiestwoman in town, but the man of
your dreams wanted someone else.
There are limitless ways tofeel inadequate.
(01:56):
If there is a way to feelinadequate, we will find our way
there.
We seem to like to placeourselves into competition with
the rest of the world bycomparing ourselves to them.
But I wonder what it is thatwe're competing for.
We compare ourselves againstothers for things that can't
even change.
So sometimes it seems likewe're competing in the wrong
(02:20):
race and for the wrong prize.
The races I see us puttingourselves in are things like
who's got the greatest value inthe sexual marketplace or who is
strongest, who is the richest,but also sometimes we compete to
see who's been dealt the worstcards.
As a kid I literally feltdeficient at times for not being
(02:43):
as poor as some of the otherkids at school who bragged about
it.
So presumably we like tocompare and compete against
others because there's some kindof prize for winning Otherwise.
I'm not sure why we do it, butI think that prize for most of
us is simply to feel better thansomeone else.
Just as we will find any waypossible to feel inadequate, we
(03:05):
also have a million differentways to feel better than someone
else.
We will feel better thansomeone else for being poorer
than them just as fast asfeeling better than them for
being richer.
It just makes me thinksometimes.
What is this nonsense game thatwe're playing?
If we can literally useanything to make ourselves feel
(03:26):
superior or inferior to anyoneelse, then maybe this game of
comparison is nothing more thana giant hamster wheel.
I wonder sometimes why we'recompeting at all, when the only
thing most of us really want isto feel content.
Or maybe I'm wrong andcontentment is not what we're
looking for.
But even if I am wrong,contentment still is the only
(03:50):
prize worth attaining.
But how do you compete forcontentment?
I think the nice thing aboutcontentment is that you don't
compete for it.
That being said, our natureseems to be to strive it.
That being said, our natureseems to be to strive, and there
are benefits to being good at athing.
So it begs the question how dowe get ahead when we are so far
(04:12):
behind.
It seems that the trick tocatching up in a race where we
have a disadvantage is to play adifferent game where we don't.
For example, if I have dwarfismand I'm trying to become a
world-class sprinter, mydisadvantage is going to be too
great to overcome.
But the good thing about life isthere are a lot of different
(04:34):
games for us to play and wedon't all have to play the same
one, although if you're going totry and play a different game
in life, you need to know whatyou're hoping the game can give.
You See, two people may becompeting in the same game but
with very different purposes,and two people can be playing
different games but with thesame purpose.
(04:55):
You might be striving to makeas much money as possible for
the purpose of trying to be moreattractive to women, or you
might be bodybuilding for thesame purpose.
While one person may be playingsports for the joy of working
outside as something that theylike, another person may be
doing it for status.
(05:15):
One person may be chasing moneyto feel like they have value,
while the other may be chasingmoney because it helps with
different pursuits.
Most of the wants we pursueseem to fall into just a handful
of deeper wants.
In the case of sports, maybethe deeper want for one of those
people is to feel like they'reworthy, while for the other, the
(05:37):
deeper want is nothing morethan a desire for the pleasure
that the game brings them.
Let's just imagine that you'reseverely disadvantaged.
In spite of our disadvantages,there's almost always some game
where those disadvantages do notapply always some game where
(05:58):
those disadvantages do not apply.
A person without legs can stillarm wrestle and a person
without arms can still run.
You might be behind in mostraces, but there will always be
one of them that you have somecapacity to win at.
Your options, inherently, aregoing to be fewer than the
options that some people have,and that goes for just about
everybody in the world.
But even if a person has nodisadvantages whatsoever and
(06:20):
could excel in anything theypursue, they still have the
limitation of their time andattention.
No person can excel ateverything because no person has
unlimited time and attention.
One of the greatest advantagespeople have in any game is how
much time that they're willingto dedicate to it.
The world will never know whothe greatest athlete of all time
(06:45):
is, because the greatestathlete of all time cannot excel
at the highest levels in everysport because they don't have
the time or may even have somedisadvantage in a particular
sport.
The good news for anyone thathas ever felt disadvantaged is
that opportunities to succeed ata thing are basically limitless
(07:05):
, and even if you are excludedfrom 90% of those opportunities,
10% of limitless is still avery big number.
I believe that most unhappinessin our world comes from the
comparison of ourselves toothers.
It comes from playing games wecannot win, or games that we
could win that we just don'tchoose to engage with.
(07:27):
Ultimately, the unhappiness weexperience in life comes down to
us.
I heard in another podcastrecently that people that win
the lottery feel incrediblyhappy when they win, but roughly
a year later they feel aboutthe same level of happy as they
did before they won it.
And likewise, people thatbecome quadriplegics feel
(07:50):
incredibly depressed for a time,but roughly a year later they
feel about as happy as they didbefore their accident.
See how content and happy weare is not really tied to the
things that are going on in ourlife, but rather something
deeper inside of us.
The real lesson is that thegame we need to be playing is
(08:13):
really an internal one.
It is independent of everyoneelse in the world.
Hard as we may try to besteveryone, the only person worth
besting is our lesser self.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
For more information about me,feel free to visit
(08:36):
skippingstonessrcom, and if youenjoyed the show, please like or
subscribe.
If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel
free to email me at info atskippingstonessrcom.
New episodes will be releasedweekly, every Monday.
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