78. Living With Pain

We spend so much energy running from pain, but the harder we run, the longer it follows us.

This episode dives into the surprising truth that real healing happens when we stop numbing, stop distracting, and actually feel what hurts. It’s not about fighting your demons; it’s about letting yourself mourn, grieve, and process so you can finally move forward.

On the other side of that discomfort? Clarity, empathy, resilience, and a stronger sense of self.

🎧 Subscribe to Skipping Stones for honest conversations about turning struggle into wisdom.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention and what
things don't.
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this show that we canall learn to live our lives just
a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.

(00:34):
Pain isn't really our enemy.
We think it is, but it's not.
It's a process that too oftenwe try to run away from when we
should be embracing it.
As humans, we know how to feelpain like no one else.
Not only do we feel physicalpain, but we're experts in
carrying pain over from ourexperiences.
Our intelligence, relative toother species on earth is not
just a blessing, but in manyways, I think it's our curse.

(00:56):
We don't forget things veryeasily and they stay with us
forever.
Of course, we have our ways toavoid that pain, or to at least
keep it at bay.
Maybe we just refuse to look atit and maybe we numb it with
aversions or substances.
Regardless, those things pushpain to the side for a while,
but they don't eliminate itcompletely.

(01:16):
There's really only one way todefeat pain, and that is by not
defeating it at all, because youcan never win against pain.
To actually be done with it.
You have to let it consume you.
Defeating pain is not an epicbattle between you and some
mythical dragon.
It's the act of sacrificingyourself to it.

(01:38):
It is to set aside the veryconcept that there's anything
for you to fight with at all,and it's to be done with the
idea that pain was ever yourenemy.
It's so easy to run away fromour pain or to smother it with
distractions, but that just letsit sit in our bodies and fester
.
We have to feel the weight ofhow sad the situation is that

(02:01):
caused it to mourn the loss ofour naivete or innocence.
We need to think on our painand we need to swim in it, and
only then will our bodiesfinally be able to let go of it.
Internal pain comes fromchoices we regret, cruelty from
others and sadness over loss.
One thing that all of thesehave in common is that they're

(02:25):
something to mourn.
Fear is what happens when weprematurely allow ourselves to
feel pain for those thingsbefore they even happen.
Mourning is the process ofallowing our body to move past
the things that hurt us.
I don't know why we need to dothis, but the hurts and pains of
life are a cumulative thing andthey just compound more pain on

(02:48):
top of pain, unless we canallow it to pass through us.
But of course, to let the painof those hurts pass through us
is the most intense pain of all.
We complain, but sometimes Iwonder if we secretly like our
pain, almost as if it has becomea part of us and we've actually
become afraid of what wouldhappen to us if it was gone.

(03:10):
A life unburdened by our pain islived very differently than a
life burdened with pain.
That can be scary for somepeople because it means changing
their habits, which can beexcruciating, especially when
many of our habits have becomesuch a crutch that the very idea
of being without them ispetrifying.
Think of the person that turnsto getting high or a little

(03:33):
drunk when the pain comes.
Imagine how hard that would beto face your pain without any of
the tools you know how to use.
It's like jumping into the deepend without a life vest for the
first time, or like walkingnear the edge of a drop-off with
nothing to hang on to.
Maybe this is the same reasonwe stay in bad situations.

(03:53):
Sometimes they're painful, butthey're familiar.
The unknown is still theunknown, even if it is most
likely better than what you maycurrently have.
We let our fear exaggerate thetoll of the pain we would
experience from trying to change.
Sometimes we let our fearexaggerate the actual toll of

(04:17):
the pain that we would end upexperiencing from trying to make
changes.
But pain is worth escaping.
Pain spreads into how we seethe world and clouds the lens
through which we see life.
It changes how we behave andwhere we want to go and the
things we like to do, not tomention that same pain can
destroy us physically.
Sometimes People fall ill fromcarrying too much guilt, shame

(04:41):
and hatred.
The price of pushing awaythoughts that bring us pain is
not worth the temporary reprievewe get from it.
Choosing to accept the painthat haunts you might actually
bring you greater relief thananything else you could ever
experience.
If there was ever a thing worthsurrendering to, it is your

(05:04):
pain.
I think sometimes we thinkthere's virtue in the attempt to
remain indifferent to our pain,and I'd agree that there's
certainly a time and a place forthat.
Sometimes we need to focus onthe task at hand before we can
allow ourselves to succumb toour pain, but it needs to be
dealt with at some point whenyou do choose to finally succumb

(05:27):
to your pain.
It will be a flood, it will beoverwhelming.
You will want to grasp foranything in sight that could
spare you.
I feel like drowning might bean appropriate comparison to
what you might experience, butit will subside eventually.
Letting the pain of years oftrauma flow over us is often not

(05:50):
a one-time event.
It may go on and on and on, butit will get a little better
each time and over time the painof that thing will come to
visit a little less frequently.
We don't have to understand whywe're feeling it so much as we
have to just let it come over us.
As counterintuitive as it maysound, dwelling on what I've

(06:13):
lost in my life and thinkingabout what my life would be
deprived of in the futurebrought me out of pain.
Thinking on those thingsintensified the pain and at
times made it worse, but itfound its way out of me that way
.
I had to feel it as acutely aspossible to be done with it.
The more I contemplated theworst of my fears and my pains

(06:35):
from the past, the more theunknown slowly became the known
and I found my way to a place ofpeace.
I felt my way past pain bywriting about it.
I felt it by listening to musicthat only intensified it.
I felt it in every way I coulduntil it found its way through

(06:56):
me and decided I had had enough.
Yes, it hurts more than pushingit off to the side for a while,
but if a temporary increase inintensity means I can live free
of a persistent, dull pain thatis determined to follow me my
entire life, then it's worth it.
On the other side of pain sitsa treasure chest filled with

(07:16):
clarity, empathy, resilience anda deeper sense of meaning.
Working your way past the painin your life offers not just
relief but lessons.
It is never easy, but when yourpain comes knocking at the door
, let it in, give it a hug andlet it move past you so you can

(07:37):
move on with your life.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
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skippingstonessrcom.
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If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel

(07:58):
free to email me at info atskippingstonessrcom.
New episodes will be releasedweekly, every Monday.