83. High Expectations are Your Greatest Advantage

What if the stories you tell yourself are the reason you stay stuck?

We talk envy, expectations, and why it’s easier to cheer for strangers than friends. This one’s about taking back control, acknowledging real barriers without letting them define you.

We dig into how low standards spread, how to spot a “that’s not for people like us” mindset, and why raising the bar helps everyone rise. It’s honest, practical, and a little uncomfortable in the best way.

If you’ve ever felt held back by your own ceiling, this episode might be the push you need.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
What in life deserves our time and attention,
and what things don't?
I hope that as we consider thatquestion, along with other
topics on this show, that we canall learn to live our lives just
a little more intentionally.
This is Seth Roberts.
Thanks for joining me onSkipping Stones.

(00:25):
For some of us, it's hard to seeour peers surpassing us in the
world.
We want to believe that none ofour friends are superior to us
in any way.
So we sometimes get into the badhabit of tearing down people
that aspire for more than we do.
For some reason, seeing ourfriends pass us up threatens our

(00:46):
egos.
So we choose to curse them withlow expectations.
When they succeed, we like toremind them of when they were as
pathetic as ourselves.
It is as if we want them toremember that deep down inside,
they are no better than the restof us.
The sad thing is, is that yourlow expectations are effective.

(01:09):
Reminding those people thataspire to more that they're
undeserving, or that they'reincapable, or that they're
stupid, will successfully keep alot of people in the same mud
puddle as you.
And just as it is painful to seeour peers rise above us, it is
even more painful to be the onlyone falling behind.

(01:31):
When everyone expects excellenceout of a person, it is hard for
that person to not be excellent.
When everyone expects you to besubpar, it can be hard to
believe you could be somethingmore.
There are phrases we like to usethat move the locus of power in
our lives to someplace otherthan ourselves.

(01:53):
We like to say things like, I'vehad it hard in life, and because
of that, I can't succeed.
Or we say, I was around some badinfluences.
Or maybe we say, I got carriedaway.
But I'd ask, by what?
Who carried you away?
At the end of the day, thedecisions we make are made by

(02:16):
us.
No doubt, a hard upbringing andbad situations make it harder to
be our best.
But even still, when weentertain those thoughts, we
give up the power to dosomething about our lives and
hand it over to our badcircumstances.
If anything, those badsituations just further created
low expectations for you.

(02:38):
When we believe that oursituation is something we have
power over, we gain power overit.
For years, people have beenpreaching to us that we need to
be understanding of theunfortunate.
And I think I agree that weshould.
But I think we also like to takeit a step too far sometimes and
tell them that they're stuck inthat situation because of the

(03:01):
other people keeping them down,when we could be sympathetic to
their hardships while stillexpecting more out of them.
We're social creatures.
What incentive does a personhave to improve upon themselves
when people constantly reinforcethe idea that you can't help
your actions?

(03:22):
We buy into the lie that wecannot be greater than what our
circumstances have dictated.
Yes, circumstances make adifference, but no, we don't
have to be powerless to them.
Somebody that relies on theirbad circumstances to justify
their lack of success might bethinking right now, Seth, you've
probably had it easy your wholelife, so you don't even know.

(03:45):
And it's certainly true that Idon't know what it's like to be
anyone other than myself.
But what I do know is thatholding everyone and everything
other than ourselves responsiblefor our outcome in life will
take us nowhere.
If you believe you have nocontrol over your circumstances,
then you are choosing to beblown around by the wind,

(04:07):
whatever direction that may be.
Taking back power in our livesmeans that we need to scrub away
the notion that others decidewhat heights we will rise to.
It means to throw away our lowexpectations of ourselves and to
stop playing the blame game.
You know why kids born to richfamilies often grow up to be

(04:29):
rich themselves?
Because people expect them to,and therefore they expect
themselves to do it.
For the same reason, children ofpoor families often stay poor,
but they don't have to.
We rise to the level ofexpectations we hold ourselves
to.
In the West, we're fortunatethat for the most part, we

(04:51):
actually live in a class systemand not a caste system.
Yes, some people at the top ofthe social hierarchy live very
different lives from those atthe bottom.
But no one is demanding that westay at the bottom, even if it
seems like everyone expects usto.
The people that most want thesystem we live in to be a caste

(05:13):
system, where no one escapes thelevel they were born into, are
the people you are leavingbehind.
It is often easier for a personto see a complete stranger
succeed than it is to see a peersurpass us.
The peer that surpasses us ismore likely to make us feel
inadequate than inspired.
It's easier for some reason tosee our friend's success as us

(05:34):
falling behind than it is to seeit as an example of what is
possible for us.
We're not truly limited in ourpath to success.
We may have more obstacles thansome, but a person willing to
move around those obstacles willalways get further than someone
that doesn't, no matter how muchthe odds are stacked in their
favor.

(05:55):
One of the greatest gifts youcan offer to another person is
high expectations.
Do not let the people around youuse excuses to squander their
potential.
Few things will bring a personmore peace than to know they
have the ability to shape theirworld.
When we allow our world to shapeus entirely, how are we any

(06:16):
different from an automaton oran inanimate object?
If things just happen to us,then we really aren't taking
part in the world.
But for those of us that do, theworld can be an exciting place.
Expect more from others, butalso yourself.
We can bring that locus of powerback to us so we don't have to

(06:39):
stay a victim to thecircumstances of our lives.
This is Skipping Stones.
You can find this podcastanywhere you choose to listen to
podcasts.
For more information about me,feel free to visit
skippingstonesr.com.
And if you enjoyed the show,please like or subscribe.

(07:01):
If there is a topic you wouldlike me to speak on, please feel
free to email me at info atskippingstonesr.com.
New episodes will be releasedweekly every Monday.