382 The Secret Addiction That Shattered Us: Rebuilding After Hidden Betrayal

In this episode, I’m joined by Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith—a couple whose story of addiction, betrayal, and ultimately deep healing is nothing short of powerful. Matthew shares his journey through sexual addiction and recovery, while Joanna opens up about the betrayal trauma that nearly broke their relationship—and how they found a way to rebuild trust, intimacy, and connection.

We talk about what betrayal trauma really is (hint: it’s not codependency), how hiding the truth strips partners of choice, and why full disclosure—when done safely—can be a turning point for couples facing the fallout of hidden addictions.

I’m so grateful to Joanna and Matthew for being so open, vulnerable, and generous with their story. Not only have they done their own healing work, they’re now guiding other couples through some of the most painful and confusing moments of their lives. If youve ever asked yourself, “Can we really come back from this?”—this conversation is for you.

Before we jump in, I wanted to share an update on my “Self-Care Summer” project where I have been focusing the majority of my time on recovering from burnout. I have gone through the workaholic/burnout cycle so many times, I realized it’s time to take a step back, quit posting daily content on social media, delete the social apps from my phone, and really take action on all the healing practices that I have discovered over the last 30 years. 

My approach was to create a list of activities, and I am listing them in the order that I’ve been doing them. You can find the list at odaatchat.com under this episode. The list includes:

Gratitude List - text to clients andamp; friends

Walks With Teddy while listening to educational or inspiring podcasts

Weight training andamp; Yoga

12 Step Meetings

Journaling: Two Way Prayer, Morning Pages, Education Reflection Journaling

30 Minutes Meditation - Waking Up App

Tracking Time: I clock all the things above but also include

Step Work

Cooking

Grooming

Gardening

Education - There’s a bunch of books I want to work through. The intention is to actually do the work suggested in the books. On the docket are: 5 types of wealth by Sahil Bloom, Stop missing your life by Corey Muscara, Make Money Easy by Lewis Howes, and possibly A Course In Miracles

Podcasting

Client Calls

Evening reflection journaling

I know it probably sounds like a lot, and I didn’t want this to turn into another thing I obsess over. To prevent that, the overarching guiding principle is to do a quick inner compass check and ask, what is the next right indicated action? And if I notice I need to rest or want to focus on play, I do that. The goal is really to practice self-acceptance and to give myself time and space to think about what patterns or stories no longer serve me, and think about who I really want to be and how I really want to spend my time.

When we strip away what we think we should do, and get honest about our hearts desire, that’s when we can truly align with our life’s purpose and live authentically. This is really a process of emerging, and I’m excited about this phase in my journey. So stay tuned for updates!

And without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Matt andamp; Joanna.

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