317 Arlina Celebrates 30 Years Sober, Her Best Advice for The Newly Sober and Long Term Sobriety

Thank you for downloading the episode! If you’re new here, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host, and if you’re a long time listener, welcome back!

 

At the time of this recording which is 4/23 - I am celebrating 30 years of continuous sobriety! It feels a little surreal to be honest, but mostly I feel deeply grateful. Grateful that I was able to stay sober with the help of so many people, grateful for my relentless curiosity about all things self-help and personal development, and all of the experiences I’ve had as a sober woman.

 

So I’m going to do something a little bit different today. 

 

Typically I interview guests about their recovery journey and ask them to share the solutions that helped them get sober, but today, I wanted to share some things that will help people just starting out, some solutions for people who are focused on staying sober, and some of the practices that I use today to address my own mental health.

 

As a disclaimer, if you are physically addicted to any substance, please consult with a medical professional. I am not a doctor, and I don’t play one on the internet. This is for educational purposes based on my own personal experiences.

 

With that out of the way…

 

First, for those who are thinking about quitting drinking. I’d like to cover some basics that will help you get started. I actually have a free guide called “How to quit drinking, 30 tips for your first 30 days” that you can download for free at soberlifeschool.com but I’ll go into a little more depth here if you are in the contemplation stage.

 

I think the first step involves coming to the conclusion if you can moderate or not. Like being 100% brutally honest with yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone yet, but that is a question that you have to answer for yourself.

 

What I mean by moderation is, can you create a drinking plan that you can stick to? If you decide you want to drink no more than 2 glasses in an evening, and you fail, that is a sign that you cannot moderate. But what about if you can do it some of the time? I would say that if you cannot stick to it 100% of the time, you cannot moderate. 

 

Especially if you experience blackouts, vomiting, interrupted sleep, hangovers, and do or say things under the influence that create problems in relationships, work, or in your finances. 

 

If you are not sure, I suggest you run the experiment. Give yourself a plan, a time frame, and give it a shot because you need to know that you cannot moderate if you are going to practice abstinence. 

 

If you have enough evidence without having to run the experiment, then it’s time to move to the next phase which is getting prepared. I recommend you start by prepping your environment. Take out all the temptation. I don’t care if you pour it down the drain, give it away or put it in the trash, but just get it out of your house.

 

After you do that, it’s time to let people know. Keep in mind that people receive information with the same intensity and energy that you deliver it. So depending on who you tell, you can keep it light and say something like “hey, I’m focusing on my health right now and creating better habits, so I’m going to go alcohol free for 30 days and I could use your support.” Or there might be people close to you who you feel safe with to say, “I don't think I should drink anymore, and I could really use your support.” The point it to let people know so you don’t walk into a situation with friends or family who expect you to drink, and try to have that conversation then. It’s better to give people a heads up so it’s not so awkward in the moment.

 

As a side note, you might want to think about what specific support you want. It could be asking someone not to offer you a drink, or drink in front of you. It could be that you ask someone not to lecture you or tease you about it in front of others. It could be that you have a friend that can run interference for you  in social situations, like if someone offers you a drink or tries to pressure you into drinking. 

 

After you clean up your environment, and let someone know, it’s time to set a date. There will never be a perfect time, but I encourage you to trust your instincts and decide on a date that works for you. 

 

Once you’ve picked a date, then I would start thinking about what you will do to replace drinking. Make a list of things you c