Straight Wife Trans Life
Follow the real journey of a straight wife as her husband of 13+ years comes out as transgender and they adjust to the changes.
Episodes
The big news in this episode is that I am taking a little hiatus until mid to late August due to a big move with my spouse and our son. I'll miss you until then!
I leave you with a few self-care tips that I hope are fresh enough to help carry each of us forward as we wade through these uncertain times.
Chin up and onward we go, together.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of ...
It is easy to get distracted and drift off in one direction a little more than anticipated; sometimes we need to pause and hit the reset button when that happens. Recently, I have been laying it on thick as an ally to my spouse while forgetting about my own needs — not too difficult to do in these crazy times. While I reset, I reshare a talk with my son regarding his perspective about when my spouse came out as transgender. It’s a ...
Meet Jimmy Chen, the founder of Trans Voice Lab that offers online gender affirming voice lessons. Jimmy just released his book titled Owning Your Voice, an introduction to his concept of functional vocal training. He has a large social media following with the voice content he creates.
Follow along with exercises Jimmy shares in this episode and check out the Trans Voice Lab website to learn more about Jimmy, his gender affirming ...
In this episode, meet Renée Yoxon, a gender-affirming voice teacher who has created a suite of online voice courses to help you or the transgender or nonbinary person in your life to feminize, masculinize, or find something in between to shape that preferred this-is-me sound when speaking.
Renée discusses their background, tips for voice health, and not allowing your fears to prevent you from beginning your voice transition journey...
Two weeks post vocal feminization surgery, we hear what my spouse sounds like as she slowly recovers. She was on vocal rest for the past weeks and we talk about how she communicated, her reasons for opting for vocal surgery, and what she hopes the outcome will be in the months ahead.
My favorite word in this episode: otolaryngology. Say that ten times....
On the eve of her vocal feminization surgery, I talk to my spouse about surgeries she has had at this stage of her transition, the surgery decision process, and how she is feeling going into this one.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- GLAAD: Transgender Day of Visibility, March 31
- FOLX: LGBTQ+ health care provider
- HRC: Get the Facts on Gender Affirming Care
In this episode, I talk to my mom in her eighties about her reaction when I told her that my spouse had come out as transgender.
My favorite quote from our talk: “You’re not the one who has the right to judge.”
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- American Field Service (AFS)
- Book my parents read: She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders, by Jennifer Finney Boylan
- PFLAG National for ...
Telling your parents that your spouse has come out as transgender can be quite stressful; no two family dynamics are the same. In this episode, I talk to my midwestern, cisgender, former United States Navy officer, highly educated dad in his eighties about his reaction when I told him that my spouse had come out as transgender.
My favorite quote from our talk: “The only change would be our nasty attitude and that just makes no sens...
The news headlines about attempts to erase the transgender community can do a number on us. Partner up, it’s going to be an unpredictable, bumpy ride. Rest when you need to, stay hydrated, and keep being you. Allies, time to step up.
Trans Lifeline: Resources for Dealing with Post-Election Grief
Mentioned or related to this episode:
Misinformation and fake news are abundant, and knowing what’s real and what’s not can even take the savviest person by surprise. Transgender people are the current target and as the saying goes, repeat a lie enough times and people start to believe it. Let’s change that. In this episode, I share tips and thoughts on how to spot fake news and stop others from spreading it.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- NBC News: Trans P...
It has been three years since my spouse came out to me as transgender. This episode reflects on how the first two years look from here, plus how things are going and where they are headed.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
It’s a new year and as we wrestle with what the future holds for transgender people in this moment in time, we begin the season with a glimpse of the potential for positive change. My spouse decided to visit her family in México to celebrate her dad’s 80th birthday this past November. It has been a difficult road for their relationship since my spouse came out and only recently have they ...
The season ends with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help anyone, anywhere in the world. In this episode, Abbe shares how a loved one coming out can impact the straight spouse or partner and offers insight into how couples can make it work.
One month into middle school for my son and a student has already used an anti-LGBTQ+ slur against another student in a locker room. The kicker is that we live in what is considered a very progressive area. In this episode, my son and I have a talk about this incident, how a teacher handled it, and what he might have done if the teacher wasn’t there.
Related to this episode:
The Summer Olympics just ended and I’m always impressed by the overall mental strength component that athletes have to excel at their sports. It takes mental strength to succeed in sports, at work, as parents, and in a situation like many of us where your spouse or partner has come out as transgender. Let’s explore this idea of mental strength to help us remain grounded as we navigate a loved one coming out.
New job, new people can be exciting for most of us and unchartered, anxiety-inducing territory for transgender people who just want to fit in with everyone else. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her first work retreat where she met new coworkers at an otherwise remote-based company.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Divers...
There are times when someone famous shows us their transphobic side or a transgender person makes poor decisions that come to light and they paint a negative image for the transgender community. Both examples actually had their moment in various news outlets this week and for those of us with a transgender partner or spouse, we may get caught in the middle of a fresh batch of transphobia. In this episode, I explore ways to respond.
...The term “trans widow” is one that I thought I related to at first... until I didn’t. It is actually quite transphobic and in this episode, I share why it doesn’t sit well with me.
Mentioned and Related Links:
- National suicide prevention lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
- LGBT National Help Center ho...
For the first time since my spouse began her transition two and a half years ago, she is looking for a new job opportunity. She is a Latina transgender woman who is fortunate to be educated with a strong support system. Keep in mind that the transgender workforce reports low employment rates, lower salaries, and high discrimination. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her job search experience.
Related Resources:
It’s Father's Day in the U.S. today and the first Father's Day post-disclosure was rough. Now, two and a half years in, it’s not a big deal but I still struggle with how to label my spouse when she’s not around. Is labeling my transgender spouse a “spouse” enough or is it necessary to add more or less? Here’s how I’m currently working through it.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
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