Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
You've probably learned about thepolyvagal theory, how your nervous
system shifts between safety,flight, fight, and shutdown.
And now you're askingyourself, okay, well now what?
Last episode I gave you the first of fivetips to identify your polyvagal state.
In this episode, I help you take anotherstep through tip number two, increasing
(00:21):
passive cues, uh, through the environment,passive safety cues in particular.
By the end of this episode, you'll betterunderstand safety cues in general and
pass the safety cues in particular.
You'll also have at least one veryspecific and very practical thing that you
can do today to access your safety statea bit more than yesterday, and you'll
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be set up to do the same thing tomorrow.
Hi, my name is Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach who helpsyou live with more calm, confidence and
connection without psychobabble or woowoo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, and PolyvagalTheory for Everyday Life tip number two.
This podcast is not therapy, nor is itintended to replace therapy, of course.
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Safety and the brainstem.
As mammals, and in the most basicsense, our autonomic nervous systems
can exist in a state of safety andconnection, uh, sympathetic flight
fight, or collapsed shutdown.
That's very, very basic polyvagal theory.
Easy peasy.
So obviously we want moresafety activation, right?
(01:26):
Yeah, of course.
Well, how do we do that?
We need to cue safety.
Our brain needs to realize thatit's safe, not on a cognitive level.
I'm talking on a much deeper,very organismic basic level.
Like even though you may consciouslyknow that you're safe, that doesn't
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mean that the rest of your body does.
When you're anxious, I could askyou, Hey, are you literally safe?
And you'd say somethinglike, yeah, no poop, Justin.
Why are you bothering me?
And then of course myfeelings would be hurt.
The point here is that your thinkingconscious brain knows that it's safe in
a very literal sense, but it's like therest of your body doesn't believe it.
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So why is this?
That's because the brainstemneeds to receive safety cues.
The brainstem is really the mostimportant aspect of the Polyvagal
theory, not the vagus nerve.
The brainstem is where all ofthe state shifting takes place.
Your body and the rest of your braincommunicate with the brainstem.
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The brainstem is the middle point.
It receives signals from both thebody and the brain, and then uses
these signals to shift your state towhatever's necessary at that moment.
The brainstem is also the thingthat continually tells your
autonomic nervous system that it'sin danger, keeping you stuck in a
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defensive, uh, traumatized state.
So to optimally use the polyvagal theoryknowledge is, is not to try stimulating
your vagal nerve or gargling orhumming or whatever hack you're trying.
Instead, it's as simple asincreasing the cues of safety
that your brainstem is receiving.
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You give it more cues of safetyand it will take care of the rest.
It will shift your autonomic statetowards safety and away from defense.
Does this release your stuck trauma?
No, not by itself, but continually feedingyour brainstem cues of safety will help
increase its access to safety and giveyou the platform that you need to work
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on your trauma and relieve your stuckdefensive state if that's your goal.
The basic idea is that your brainstemneeds to receive signals of safety.
So how does it get those?
It can receive thesesignals from a few sources.
Uh, number one is the rest of the brain.
So thinking can influence yourbrainstem, like, uh, remembering
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safety or learning new judgment freeinformation like the polyvagal theory.
Uh, we'll call this top down.
The rest of the body is the second source.
Everything that's happening below thebrainstem, so we'll call this bottom up,
singing and dancing, are really greatexamples of cueing safety in the body.
The third source is the outside world.
The things that are happeningoutside of your body.
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These can send signals of safety to,and this is what we're gonna focus on.
For the rest of this episode.
We're gonna call this outside inand even more in particular, we
will call these passive safety cues.
These are things from the outside thatyou don't really have to do anything with.
They just sort of cue safetyin your system passively.
Passive safety cues
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So the outside world can send yourbrainstem cues of safety or defense.
We want to increase the cues of safety.
The problem is that we don't have muchcontrol over the outside world, right?
Uh, we can't turn off the annoyingmusic at the grocery store.
We can't make people give us morespace when we're in line and we can't
stop the incessant loudspeaker that'sannouncing codes when we're there.
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We also can't control the weather,and we also probably don't live
in a forest or near a picturesquebeach that you can easily access by
stepping outside of your back door.
I know I don't if you do good for you,but we do have homes and we have complete
control over the things in our homes.
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Or if you're like renting a room,you have control over your room.
You can control how loud things areand you can control the space or
how quiet things are, excuse me.
And you can control thespace and the lighting too.
Of course, there's some restrictions,but there's a lot of control we do
have over the things in our home.
So can you bring the beach in yourhome or can you bring the forest?
No, not really, but.
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You can turn the sound of waves on,or you can get a candle that smells
like your favorite forest tree.
So maybe you can't make theperfect home environment that's
ready to be in a magazine.
We don't need that, but you canadjust some things in your home to
cue more safety today than yesterday.
I talk a lot about this in my secondbook, stuck Not Broken, book Two,
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building Safety, and also in theBuilding Safety Anchors Course in the
Unstucking Academy, but I will coverthree really easy things that you can do
to increase safety from the outside in.
In this episode.
Before implementing these though, I wantyou to focus on one area of your home,
not the entire home, not the entireroom, maybe just a corner, just one area.
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In the book, and in the course, I callthis the Passive Safety Environment.
Pick one area to increase passivesafety cues, and then branch out
from there as you're ready to.
Scent in the Passive Safety Environment
you can easily increase passivesafety cues through the smells of
your passive safety environment.
This probably won't cost you athing since I am willing to bet.
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You already have a candle orsome form of aromatherapy, like
one of those diffuser things.
Um, I just got this candle from Hawaii.
We visited the northshore of Oahu last week.
I picked this up because it has acoconut scent to it, and it is awesome.
Is it worth 30 bucks?
Not really, but I got it anyways.
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I, I love the scent andthe taste of coconut.
I also highly recommend openingwindows for a bit and then
letting your space air out.
I find it really useful,kinda like a blank slate.
Plus if the weather's right andyou can open things up, well now
you have a soft breeze coming inand some sunlight providing even
more layers of passive safety.
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So find a scent that speaksto your system currently.
Uh, get it going, and that's about it.
That scent will continually provideyou with cues of safety passively.
Once it's on, you don't reallyhave to think about it anymore.
Lighting of your PassiveSafety Environment
This one might be a tad more challengingand and potentially cost something,
and that's adjusting your lighting.
(07:57):
But let's start as free as possible.
You probably have curtains or someother window covering in your home.
If you're in a dysregulatedshutdown state it might feel good
to have your curtains closed andblock light from coming in, but.
That's not necessarily safety cueing.
I know it kind of feels better, butthat's not the same as safety cueing.
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But maybe your system isready for a bit more light.
So opening your curtains, acrack might be a good idea.
As you get more safety in your system,opening them a bit more and more
and more will be easier and easier.
So if you need darkness at first,fine, but listen to your system.
It might be ready fora little bit of light.
If you lean toward darker environments,you could also turn on, on like a, uh,
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a lamp in the room, especially likea smaller spot, you know, a little
lamp, not the huge overhead lighting.
And if your lamp is too bright, well,can you dim it or can you add a shade to
it, or can you cover it with somethingthat's heat and fire resistant?
Please don't start any fires.
When cueing safety from lighting,natural lighting is typically better
than artificial, um, for passive safety,but it's also free, which is good.
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As much as I love naturallight, I also love my, uh,
smart bulb artificial lighting.
This might be a great ideaif you have the money for it.
I have these all around my house.
Even on the outside deck, I can adjust thebrightness to the, just the right amount.
I could even adjust thecolor that they emit.
All the customizable options caneven be further customized by the
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time of day that they come on.
So as the sun sets here, bulbscome on all around the home to help
me and my family feel super cozy.
Not bright lighting, but just dimlighting all around the house.
It's really nice.
the Physical space of yourPassive Safety Environment.
The last passive safety environmenttip I will give is physical space.
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Physical space includes ensuringthat you have enough room to sit
or lay down or stand up or doyoga or or whatever else you want.
There's no right amount of space.
You'll need to listen to your body.
I'm sure you know what toolittle space is like sitting
next to strangers in a stadium.
But for you, what's the rightamount of space that helps
you feel more comfortable,that helps you breathe easier?
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I'm a fairly tall drink ofwater at six feet and tend to
bump into things far too often.
I need a lot of space.
I do not do well in cramped environments,so when setting up my passive safety
environment in my home office here andalso in my therapy office, in my work
office, I made sure to include enoughspace for what feels good for me.
Physical space can alsoinclude the tidiness of your
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passive safety environment.
So is your desk clear or do you havea bunch of cords and crumbs and a old
cup of coffee that's laying around?
Can you actually sit onyour chair or your couch?
Or is your kids or yourspouse's stuff there?
Or maybe it's your own stuff that you'vethrown down after work, and I know
you're gonna get to it, but it is there.
Maybe it's time to get rid of stuff,to declutter, to tidy, or to clean up.
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Identify one step you can take today.
So there's a few ideas on whatyou can do today to increase
your passive safety cues.
Again, this doesn't release your trauma.
This doesn't solve all yourmental health problems.
But what it does do is lay a nice, solidfoundation, a place that you can go
to, to breathe a bit easier, maybe evensmile, a place to relax and calm down.
(11:16):
And from that foundation you couldeven go further and start to feel other
things you have inside of you, andthat really is how you get unstuck.
Okay, so now you know allabout passive safety cues.
You know about the brainstem insteadof trying to hack your vagal nerve.
Now, hopefully you're ready tosimplify and focus on one area
of your home to start creatinga passive safety environment.
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So let's start that process today.
You don't need to createthe perfect environment.
You don't even need to get,uh, halfway there instead.
Let's make one adjustment to your space.
Pick one thing to change.
I'll give you some easy options.
Based on what we talked about today.
Is there a candle or other smellygood source that you can put on?
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Is there clutter that you can declutter?
Is there a curtain to open?
Are there cords that you can hide?
Are there crumbs to vacuum up?
Do you have a dusty lamp that's readyto give you some warm lighting again?
Just pick one and make it happen.
Today we want small, sustainablesteps, not large overhauls,
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that's gonna overwhelm you.
So I'm not asking you to paint your room.
This, this passivesafety environment room.
I'm not asking you tomove furniture around.
Just one thing today.
Tomorrow, you can take ita step further if you like.
Thank you so much for joiningme on Stuck Not Broken.
If you're new to the Polyvagal theoryand you like this type of information,
I have a new subscription tier foryou within the Unstucking Academy.
(12:42):
It used to be called Stuck Not Collective.
Now I'm calling it the Unstucking Academy.
This new tier is likethe foundations tier.
You can get the Polyvagal 1 0 1course and a course called Gently Feel
your Polyvagal States in three days.
You get those two courses plusa Q and a with me every month.
Uh, plus Daily Growth Hubchallenges plus resources.
(13:06):
So this is like the perfectplace to go for 10 bucks a month.
It's only 10 bucks a month.
And you can meet with meone, not one-on-one, sorry.
You can, you can meet withme in the q and a community.
Whoever shows up will be there as well.
But you can meet with me, with me there,ask questions, gain some clarity, and
really make sure that your polyvagaltheory knowledge is as clear as it can be.
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Like you really wanna hone that in.
And then you can take thenext steps after that.
That's it for this one.
Uh, thanks so much for listening again.
Bye.