Beneath Your Emotions: the Polyvagal Theory & the Body's Experiences

Let's examine two unasked questions: “What do I feel?” and “How do I know I feel that way?” These questions lie at the heart of understanding our Polyvagal states and how they influence our emotions and physical sensations. By exploring the connection between mind and body, you can learn how to tune into your inner experiences with mindfulness and self-compassion.

Chapters:

02:00 Identifying Your Emotional State

03:47 Practical Exercise: Recognizing Your State

05:19 Deepening Your Emotional Awareness

08:44 Concluding Thoughts and Resources

Resources:

🔸 Free resources and course in the Members Center - https://www.justinlmft.com/members

🔸 Join the Unstucking Academy - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy

🔸 Polyvagal Intro webpage - https://www.justinlmft.com/polyvagalintro

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 [phone]
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 [phone]
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 [phone]
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 [phone]
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
One question we don't ask enough is howdo I feel on like an emotional level?
Another question that we absolutelyprobably never ask is how can I tell?
Your emotions and the underlyingsensations of those emotions are directly
connected to your polyvagal state.
I want to help you connect with thoseinner experiences so that you can develop
more mindfulness and self compassion.

(00:20):
Hi, I'm Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach whohelps you live with more calm,
confidence, and connectionwithout psychobabble or woo woo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.
What you're about to hear is a clipfrom an open Q& A from within the
Stuck Not Collective community.
A member asked how to tell if theirsafety state is strengthening.
And this is where the conversation went.
As a reminder, the podcast is not therapy,nor is it a replacement for therapy.

(00:48):
The polyvagal stuff is we can feel it.
We can feel it as it happens.
We can notice that as it happens.
If we're mindful enough, if we can,if we're conscious enough of what's
happening internally, we can feel it.
It's a, it's a physical process.
It's not emotions and things aren'tthese like spiritual things lingering
within us that have no tangible, youknow, like there's no concreteness.

(01:11):
Like these are concrete things.
Um, emotions are just our consciousexperience of what's happening internally.
it's, it's physical, it's real.
Part of, um, UDS, the third phase,the third course, part of that
is it teaches you how to feelthem, how to, how to mindfully,
compassionately feel these things.

(01:31):
Before your safety states developed,it's probably feels like it's all over
place and out of control and maybeeven random, but as you strengthen
your safety state, then you'll be ableto mindfully consciously feel these,
uh, emotions within you, but you'llfeel them for, you know, as emotion,

(01:55):
maybe, but underneath that emotion is.
Some sort of a sensation.
So what that means is if I ask you, like,when's the last time you felt, we'll
say happy or joy or something like that.
I don't care.
Anger.
It doesn't matter.
But if I ask you to, when's thelast time you felt X, you might
say, Oh, I felt it last week.

(02:17):
And my question would be, well,how do you know you felt it?
How do you know you felt happiness?
How do you know you felt anger?
And the way you know thatis because you feel it.
And so there's a way to describewhat's happening within you.
So you would describe likemy anger felt like whatever.
X, Y, and Z.
My sadness felt like,you know, X, Y, and Z.

(02:39):
So there's a conscious, tangiblelevel we can get to with these things.
And beyond just labeling them assad, or angry, or happy, or whatever.
There's, there's, we candescribe these experiences.
Because they are, they are there'ssomething happening within us.

(02:59):
There's, there's a felt, uh,experience of these things.
So as you, as we all shift up anddown the polyvagal ladder, we can, we
can feel those shifts taking place,uh, as they're happening, uh, after
they've happened the next day, wemight be able to think back and say,

(03:20):
Oh yeah, there was this moment where Ishifted and thinking back on it, I can.
I can, you can feel it again, or Ican describe what I went through.
But yeah, as we go up and down the ladderthroughout the day, we, we will, we can,
we have the capacity to notice those,those shifts, uh, even right now, even
though you might not be actively shifting,you're in some sort of state, all of

(03:42):
us are in some sort of state right now.
And we can, we can feel that.
Take a moment for yourself.
Actually, I'll ask you a realsimple question, everybody.
You don't have to share if youdon't want to, just for yourself.
Right now in this moment, do you feel morelike hugging somebody, uh, running away,

(04:04):
hitting something or hiding
or staying perfectly still and waiting,
but just for yourself or say thata lot, if you'd like to, what do
you feel more like in this moment?
Now, what do you want, butwhat is your on a body level?

(04:26):
What does your body feel more like?
What does it want to do?
Does it want to be close tosomeone, be close to a pet?
Does it want to lookinward with curiosity?
Does it want to run away?
Does it want to avoid something?
Does it want to hide?
Does it want to throw?
Does it want to hit?
Does it want to yell?

(04:48):
Does it want to scream?
Does it want to tear apart the room
or collapse and shut?
No, don't use the word shut down,collapse and hide and be in dark.
What is the flavor ofwhat you're going through?
What -not- doesn't have to beexact, but just, it feels more like.

(05:08):
This thing and the other thing.
So if you can identify that, then thattells me you've gotten a step closer to
just feeling whatever state you're in.
Eventually we can feel deeperinto that and feel the, uh, the
underlying sensations of of yourstate, let's take us one step further.

(05:29):
Um, I'm going to push all of you.
Don't don't share it, but I want toencourage you to identify what state
you're in not at least the dominant state.
It's possible to have a mixture ofthese different states, but I want
to encourage you to identify thedominant state that you are are in.
Okay?
Before we wrap it up here, I'mgonna take it 1 step further.
If you feel more like hugging andconnecting, and if you feel more

(05:51):
like smiling or being with a petor being alone with yourself and
sipping on tea and smiling, you'reprobably in your safety state.
Okay.
Congratulations.
If you are feeling more like runningaway, avoiding something, avoiding
responsibility, if you feel likeyou're in danger, it's probably flight
that's a, it could be a flight thing.

(06:12):
If you're feeling more aggressive,you want to yell, you want to
dominate, you want to feel angry,um, that's probably more fight.
If you feel tense, if you feel frozen,if you feel like screaming, if you
feel like panicking or rageful, orlike destroying a room, that's probably

(06:32):
more like, or destroying a space,that's probably more like freeze.
And then if you feel like collapsingand darkness and being alone, that's
probably more like shut down, okay?
No one is actually doing any of thosethings, but you might, your system might
be flavored by one of those things.
So, identify your, just yourmost dominant state if you can.

(06:54):
The next step would be, how canyou tell that you have that state?
How does, what does it feel like?
What do you feel inside of yourselfthat tells you that you have that state?
And you don't have to do it out loud, butthat, that's the question is no matter
what state you're in, how do you know?

(07:16):
Is it based on what you want?
Is it based on what your body needs?
Or is it based on an overwhelmingemotion that you're noticing?
Are you noticing a part of yourbody that's more active than others?
I guess that would be actuallythe next step, next question is.
So how can you tell what state you're in?
How do you know?
And where does it live in your body?

(07:38):
That'd be the next step, maybe.
Where do you feel that?
Where do you most feel that?
Is it all over, like a blanket?
Is it in your stomach?
Uh, does your chest feel somethingmore than the rest of your body?
Do you feel tension inyour neck or shoulders?
Do you feel, are your legsbouncing with anxiousness?

(07:59):
So, yeah, how do you, how can you tellwhat you feel and where do you feel it?
And this is as far as we'll take it.
But if you can notice what youfeel, where you feel it, the
emotions of it, like, that's great.
Do the priority of safety.
So, uh, for right now, if you noticesome defensive activation, just let

(08:19):
it be there because it already is.
So just let it be there, validate it.
Maybe you can normalize it,but just let it be there.
And I would encourage everyone toprioritize anchoring in safety.
Just do something thatfeels generally good.
All right?
Use one of the Building Safety Anchorpractices, get the right environment, do

(08:40):
some sort of movement, have music on justwhatever it is that helps you to sort
of anchor a little bit more into safety.
Thank you so much for joiningme on Stuck Not Broken.
I hope this episode has helped you toconnect with yourself a little bit more.
Take a moment and ask yourself thesame questions from the episode.
What are you feeling emotionallyand how can you tell?
What is the experience ofthat emotion in your body?

(09:01):
Take a moment to reflect or evenjournal about it if you can.
I've created a free resourcefor you in the Member Center.
It's the SSIEC table and it'll helpyou build language to connect your
polyvagal state with various emotions,impulses, sensations, and cognitions.
You can access this plus more resourcesand even a free course by becoming a

(09:24):
free member of the Stucknaut Collective.
Head on over to JustinLMFT.com/members, orjust follow the link in the description.
Bye.