December 18, 2024 • 44 mins
This episode provides a platform for survey participants to offer encouragement, personal insights, and advice to those also experiencing shutdown. The shared experiences discuss common themes such as shame, isolation, the body's autonomic responses, and ways to work compassionately through shutdown states. The episode also highlights the importance of small steps, self-compassion, and human connection in the journey towards safety and self-regulation.
🔸 Shutdown Experiences Survey YouTube playlist - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0wCusCOxhNUTWUAnJke_hpmNEEQ0atZZ
🔸 Shutdown Experiences Survey audio playlist - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/e8b8596b-813f-4c1c-9466-33db32b96e88
00:00 Intro to episode 244
01:02 the Shutdown Experiences Survey
02:32 Wisdom & Encouragement from Real People in Shutdown
39:24 the Goals of the Survey
41:59 Thanks for the kindness
43:18 Book 2 and upcoming cohort
Resources:
🔸 Free resources and course in the Members Center - https://www.justinlmft.com/members
🔸 Join the Unstucking Academy - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
🔸 Polyvagal Intro webpage - https://www.justinlmft.com/polyvagalintro
🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books
🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0
Crisis resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
- National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
- Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
- Call 911 for emergency
This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
If you are stuck in a dorsal vagalshutdown, you probably need to hear a
(00:04):
little bit of positivity or encouragement,not just from me, but from other people
who know what you're going through.
In this episode, I'm going to sharewith you the final parts or portion of
my Shutdown Experiences Survey results.
If you haven't seen the other ones,I invite you to pause this and go
watch the rest of this playlist.
(00:24):
I'll have a link for you in thedescription, uh, for a playlist to the
audio and the YouTube version of this.
So let's listen to those first.
And especially if you don't know whatDorsal Vagal Shutdown is, this is
like not the place for you to begin.
Uh, but this, the point here is to hearfrom other people who are currently
in shutdown and words of encouragementor other thoughts that they have.
(00:47):
Hey, I am Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach whowants to help you live with more
calm, confidence, and connectionwithout psychobabble or woo woo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.
This is of course not therapy, noris it intended to replace therapy,
nor is it specific life advice.
So I did this thing called theShutdown Experiences Survey a long
(01:09):
time ago and I finally am wrapping itup with, with this episode where the
people who shared their experiencesabout shutdown and how it affects
their daily life and their thoughts,their emotions, their relationships.
Now they're going to provide, well,this is what, here's, here's some
words I have for you, the DearListener who is in shutdown also.
(01:29):
As a, an aside, but also justsort of a setup for where I'm at,
I just walked my son to school.
It is foggy.
It is a little bit rainy, uh, recentlyand even this morning was raining.
It's a little bit dark still.
It's very much overcast.
And you know, there's a chill in theair and I still feel it on my skin.
I got my beanie on.
I got my sweater on.
And to me, this is likeperfect shutdown weather.
(01:52):
This weather tells usgo indoors and be warm.
And maybe have a loved one there,but being alone is okay too.
To me, this is perfect for shutdown.
So that's kind of the setup here incase you're listening and can't see me.
I got my beanie on.
I'm feeling warm and I love it.
The last three questions I asked areIs there anything else about your
experience that you want to share?
(02:13):
Uh, do you have any feedback, surveyfeedback and personal message?
If you could share a messagewith someone else experiencing
shutdown, what would you say?
Your words could offer comfort adviceor encouragement to someone in need.
So that's what this is addressing.
And really the first and last ones,uh, any other information and what
words of encouragement do you have?
We'll start off with a touch of humor.
(02:34):
Daisy, who's been in shutdown for11 to 20 years says, hang in there.
with a picture of a sloth.
So, you know what that image is.
It's the image of a sloth hanging from abranch and the words are Hang in there.
Little bit of humor.
If you're in Shutdown, you'll get it.
The next person, Helene, who's been,sounds like has who's a couple of bouts of
(02:57):
Shutdown, has been in Shutdown for 11 to30 years, somewhere in that span says, "I
think the feeling of shame over being shutdown is one of the biggest issues for me."
So this is more addressing the,do you have any other thoughts?
She says, I think the feelingof shame over being shut down is
(03:17):
one of the biggest issues for me.
I now understand what's going on, butI've been so ashamed for so very long.
Ashamed for not being able to performat the level that I knew I was capable.
For being constantly late for everything.
For not being able to domore to make others happy.
And the list goes on.
So shame.
(03:38):
and shutdown go hand in hand for Helene.
And I think that's probably common.
Uh, the level of shaming that youget from others, like you're not good
enough, uh, for someone in shutdown orpretty much any stuck defensive state.
Yeah, that probably goeshand in hand, I think.
People telling you that you're not goodenough, you're not doing good enough.
And part of that is we might recognize,well, yeah, like, I know, "I know
(04:02):
I'm capable of doing more, so I agreethat maybe I'm not doing enough,"
whatever the context is, but also,"yeah, maybe I'm not good enough."
I think that can easily goalong with, with shutdown.
Let's remind ourselves, though, thatwhat you accomplish is an aspect
of who you are in a way, but it'sum, it's not all of who you are.
(04:23):
Being in shutdown is an aspectof who you are, or maybe your
present day autonomic state.
So that kind of is very dominant in whoyou are, but there is more to who you are.
And maybe it's not coming out right nowbecause the shutdown is so prevalent.
But it's not, you're not just shut down.
There, there is more to you.
Hopefully over time we see theshutdown alleviate, especially
(04:46):
as you're practicing safety.
So I guess it's just for now, it'sa good idea to remind yourself that
yeah, there is more to you and it willcome out as this shutdown alleviates.
Helene also says to you, dearlistener, that I would tell them that
shutdown is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's how your body is protecting you.
It's actually a gift, eventhough it rarely feels that way.
(05:07):
When you learn to work withit, it can be your guide to a
richer and more fulfilling life.
So Helene recognizes that even thoughshe has a lot of shame with her shutdown,
that being in shutdown in and of itselfis not something to be ashamed of
and I completely agree with Helene.
It's simply a state of the body.
It's an autonomic state.
That we exist in not randomly, butprobably due to the context of our
(05:31):
life, some prior context, like thepast, or maybe a current context.
There's something that we don't feel safein, can't run away from can't fight off,
and so the last result or last, um, option-sequential option- is to shut down.
Our body collapses.
It goes numb.
We disconnect.
(05:51):
So it's a survival strategy.
It's an autonomic evolutionarysurvival strategy.
It's not something that welike to do and choose to do.
It just is our, our body's last optionto deal with whatever it's dealing with.
So in that context, like, yeah,it's not something to be ashamed of.
It's oh, like, there'sa reason it makes sense.
Like I'm normal.
My, my autonomic state is normalbased on the context of my life.
(06:12):
And if you can do that, like,that's a really good sign.
If you can validate your shutdown, justacknowledge it and then normalize it.
And the next step after that wouldbe, well, can you give yourself
permission to be in shutdown?
Actually, and actually Helenekind of touched upon that.
She says, when you learn to work with it.
So, can you give yourselfpermission to be in shutdown?
Which means, can you give yourselfpermission to reduce stimulation?
(06:33):
Maybe be alone?
Turn lights down?
Bundle up in warmth?
Can you give yourselfpermission to be in silence?
So, that is how you work with it.
You listen to what your bodyneeds and you provide it.
Now, isolating in the dark and cuttingpeople off from your life, like,
no, that's not exactly what I mean.
That's, um, isolation isdifferent than solitude.
(06:57):
And shutdown solitude isprobably a really good idea.
Isolation, probably not.
So can you give yourself at leastmoments of solitude where you give
yourself your feelings, you feel whatyou feel, you don't distract yourself
with Tik TOK and Instagram and YouTubevideos like this, but you truly just let
yourself feel shut down and then allowyour body to self regulate out of it.
(07:20):
Not easy, but that is the general idea.
So can you work with itand settle into stillness?
Like today, uh, I was describingtoday's cold and foggy and overcast.
This is a really good day if you're inshutdown to embrace that, to embrace
solitude and warmth and reduce stimulationwhile watching the rain outside.
(07:42):
Charlotte says, I don't think I'dcall it insight that she's giving.
I don't think I'd call it insight, butrecently I've noticed that I can quite
strongly long for a shutdown state,especially when I'm in a freeze state,
but also when I'm in flight fight.
They stretch me out so muchthat I crave the numbness and
disconnection of shutdown somehow.
(08:02):
I'm not quite sure how this works withinme, but I can imagine that more people,
especially with trauma, feel this cravingtoward the shutdown state sometimes.
Yeah, Charlotte, I think you're right.
The, whatever autonomic statethat we're in becomes predictable.
I mean, whatever, um, stuck autonomicstate that we have, even the defensive
(08:24):
ones, they become predictable.
They become, in a sense, Notreally comforting, but predictable.
Like we, we, we know what to expect.
There's no surprises there.
As we self regulate out of thosestates, well, all of a sudden
things are, are, are different.
As we come out of shutdown, which isdisconnected and slower and alone, and
(08:47):
now we're in flight fight, and all ofa sudden we have this surge of fight
activation, we feel more aggressive andirritable and angry, that's different.
And it feels wrong.
And it feels like we're doingsomething wrong and it feels like
there's something wrong with us.
It's not the way things,it's not how we are.
I'm not this person.
I am a person who does this.
I'm not a person who does this.
I'm not a person who thinks this way.
I'm a person who thinks that way.
(09:09):
But the reality is that, well, you'rea person who has the potential to
think this way and that way andto feel this way and that way.
So yeah, I don't think you're alonein this whatsoever, uh, Charlotte.
As we self regulate out of anystuck state, it feels different.
And different is not necessarily good.
(09:30):
Uh, or at least experientially, it'snot necessarily invited or, or welcome.
Uh, we get comfort andpredictability from what we know.
And so we might consciously wantto go back to that place, even
though we know it's not ideal.
Charlotte wants to add this for you, dearlistener, who's also stuck in shutdown.
She says Try to identify what shutdownfeels like and looks like for you,
(09:54):
and then allow yourself to give intothe shutdown tendencies instead of
fighting it because it's not whatyou're supposed to feel or act like.
For me, at least allowing myself tobe in shutdown has opened a door to
gently ease out of shutdown towarda safety state instead of getting
stuck in fight, flight, or freeze.
(10:16):
Yeah, it touches upon, I think, exactlywhat I said that instead of fighting
it because it's not how you are or arenot supposed to be, uh, embrace it.
Shutdown has a function.
It evolved within us for a reason.
It's not a bad thing in and of itself.
Does your shutdown state limit yourcapacity to work and kick butt in life?
(10:38):
Yeah.
And to connect with others andbuild meaningful relationships?
Yeah, it does.
So yeah, it's limiting, just like fightand flight and freeze, but it's not bad.
So there's no one way you'resupposed to think and act and feel.
I like what she says thatDon't fight it off, basically.
Shutdown is here for a reason.
(11:00):
It's not random.
You're in a shutdown state,probably due to the context of
your life, present and past.
And so rather than fighting thatyou're in shutdown, can you embrace it?
And can you give yourself momentsof calm, relaxation, and stillness?
Can you get in that warm blanket with awarm tea, versus telling yourself, "I'm
(11:23):
not supposed to feel like this," and thendistracting yourself with your phone?
One of those is more embracingof shutdown than the other.
Can you be with one person that feels safeand that you smile with, and who accepts
you fully, versus isolating in your roomwith the lights off, watching a Netflix
series from beginning to end in one day?
(11:46):
One of those.
is more embracing ofshutdown than the other.
So instead of fighting it, can you connectwith it compassionately on some level?
And that completely depends onthe strength of your safety state.
The next person to sharetheir thoughts is Rosa.
She says, I'd be interested to knowmore about the different degrees of
shutdown because I'm convinced thereis a mild form that all of us are in
(12:09):
a lot of the time, but we're stillfunctional and able to do stuff.
We're just not connected toour bodies or the here and now.
One particular challenge for me isthat I can see how shutdown protects
me from certain aspects of my lifethat are too painful to deal with
like chronic fatigue and isolation.
Coming out of shutdown means beingmore aware of those things and
(12:31):
although I can't change those things,especially isolation, unless I come
out of shutdown, it can't changeovernight and it's not easy to change.
So there's this bit in between whereI'm super aware of my dissatisfaction
with my life and I can see whymy nervous system goes into
shutdown to cope with this reality.
So the first part of this,Rosa, I definitely agree with.
I think each of us has some levelof disconnection, and maybe I would
(12:55):
call it some level of shutdown thatis present within us every day.
Well, we all do.
I mean, it's all thesestates are on at all times.
But there is some level of disconnection.
Disconnection can kind of comefrom flight and fight as well.
I agree that there is probablysome level of disconnection.
How many of us are aware thatwe have emotions in our body.
(13:16):
Um, like there, there is somechronic level of disconnection, you
know, top down that we all have.
And is that due to family?
Yeah.
Culture, political stuff, um, socialstuff, you know, in our interpersonal
issues, our own issues internally,where we reject how we think and feel.
(13:36):
Yeah.
Like it's all these things put together.
There's just disconnection,disconnection, disconnection.
So yeah, I agree.
And that's probably like a daily, justchronic underlying level of shutdown
that we all have in that context, butthat also could come from flight fight.
So, um, mostly i'm agreeingwith Rosa here, I think.
And yeah, it does have a function.
There are things thatare too much in life.
(13:58):
And so shutdown helps numbus from the pains of that
like maybe a chronic illness.
It doesn't change overnight As wecome out of it, we become more aware
of how unhappy we are with life.
And that's, well, we're probably aware ofthat in shutdown, but as we come out of
shutdown, we have more fight activation.
(14:19):
So that level of frustration with life andour functioning in it probably goes up.
And that's potentially a really goodsign that we're coming out of shutdown.
If, if we're not as numb, thenthat means we're not as shut down.
And so that might comethrough as irritability and
aggressiveness or even anxiousness.
(14:41):
If you're feeling those things,that means, Hey, you're not quite
shut down now as you were before.
So can we embrace those feelings, um,and keep climbing our Polyvagal ladder?
It is possible.
And again, safety state strengthis unbelievably important in that
mindfulness, maybe meditation practices,maybe use utilizing movement as a means
to channel or funnel that activation.
(15:03):
Rosa says to you, dear listener, and Rosahas been in shutdown four to 10 years.
She says If you're experiencingshutdown right now, please
know that you haven't failed.
You're not broken.
You're just overwhelmed and your nervoussystem is trying to cope with that
in what it thinks is the best way.
Be gentle with yourself.
Maybe you can do one small thing thatbrings you some comfort or brings a
(15:25):
tiny bit of awareness to your body.
I love that.
Thank you Rosa for sharingyour thoughts with everyone.
I love that idea one thing Ithink that's huge personally.
In the Stucknaut Collective, theprivate community, I do these
Daily Growth Hub challenges.
And a lot of times it's just like, what'sone small thing that you can do today?
(15:46):
What is one two minute mindfulnessexercise that you can do today?
I think those little micro moments ofsafety or micro moments of mindfulness
where we connect with what we're feelinginside, I think those are enormous and can
do a ton in shutdown, especially becausein shutdown things seem so overwhelming.
So if you can do a two minute mindfulnessexercise- or even a 30 second one- you
(16:09):
If you can do that, that's probably alot better than a 30 minute meditation
that you're struggling through.
Like seriously.
So thank you Rosa.
And I, I, I double that.
Like those little, thoselittle moments of connection of
mindfulness of safety are enormous.
Ellie, who's been in shutdown fourto 10 years also says to you, dear
listener, Shutdown can feel like forever.
(16:30):
Calm and grounded can seem soimpossible that it isn't even on
the map to get out of shutdown.
But it's there.
Your body and mind want to help you.
You're in shutdown because a partof you is trying to protect you.
Honor that part.
It wants to help.
It just doesn't know how.
I love this, Ellie.
I love this.
This is, again, speaking to, canyou validate what you're feeling?
(16:53):
Can, can you acknowledge it?
Can you normalize it?
That it's there for a reasonand maybe it's even protective.
And can you give itpermission to be there?
So even though it seems so far away, itis possible to get to a state of safety.
It is possible to have small momentsof calm, small moments of relaxation
or connection, or basically stillness.
(17:15):
Stillness is the, is thecombination of your safety
state with your shutdown state.
So can you be in shutdown, butalso have your safety state active?
Yeah, it is very much possible.
And that might be step one, likejust reduce stimulation around you.
That, that might be the,the next step forward.
Okay, the next response is fromSmokey Moon, who has been in
(17:36):
shutdown for 50 plus years.
Smokey Moon says, simply, elegantly,and poignantly, This is not your fault.
dear listener who's also inshutdown, this is not your fault.
And I, I don't reallyhave much to add to that.
Um, yeah, ditto, ditto on my end.
I, I agree.
It's not your fault, but actuallyI will add something to this.
(17:56):
You, dear listener who's stuck inshutdown, you might blame yourself.
You might say, "Well, today I didn't,all I did was stay in bed all day."
And "I didn't live up to whatI want to as a parent or as an
employee or a business owner.
I just.
This is my fault.
I'm choosing this state every day.
I'm choosing my thoughts."
Um, to that I would say It's completelyokay to take stock, take inventory,
(18:21):
to audit your daily life and look atwhat you are and are not happy with.
That's fine.
We're not content with,we're not proud of.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
Now is your stuck, shutdown state your fault?
Meh.
I mean, the reason why it'sthere, probably not, but can you
take responsibility every dayfor doing something differently?
Yeah, I think it's a really good idea.
Even though it's not your fault.
(18:42):
Sadly, the responsibility is on allof us to improve ourselves, to self
regulate out of our stuck defensive state.
That it is on us.
And hopefully we help each otherout and have people in our lives
that are co regulators, butultimately, yeah, it's up to us.
So hopefully we can agree that whileit's not your fault, you're stuck in
shutdown, probably, that it is yourresponsibility and there are things
(19:05):
that you can do every day to feel alittle bit more proud of yourself.
So instead of binge watching Netflix,can you listen to, or can you do a two
minute meditation or mindfulness practice?
Can you, you know, reduce stimulation fortwo minutes and exist in silence and give
yourself permission to feel what you feeland maybe say something kind of yourself?
(19:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can probably do that.
You can probably do that.
Um, so you're probably not going to, noneof us are going to fully self regulate
out of shutdown completely and entirelyand forever starting today, probably
not, but we can absolutely take somesteps in that direction every single day.
And so today, and in this moment rightnow, you have an opportunity to do that,
(19:49):
and I really hope you embrace that.
I hope you don't, um, end yourday with, uh, even more regret,
and more guilt, and more shame.
Or at least with less of thosethings, because I hope you do
something different starting today.
If you're not already.
Joe, who has been in shutdown one to threeyears, says to you, Dear Listener, Your
shutdown experience does not define you.
(20:10):
You are very capable ofgetting out of that state.
You're so loved and appreciated.
You're so resilient forgetting through this.
Yeah, I think Joe, I thinkyou are correct in that.
There, um, I, I really appreciatethat when I ask people who are in
shutdown, just all the positivity, allof the, the love they have to give,
(20:32):
even to strangers who are listeningto this, that's, it's really cool.
So even though it feels alone and shutdownis kind of alone, um, you're not alone
in shutdown in the sense that thereare absolutely other people that are
experiencing what you're going through.
And that's- like I'm in the StucknautCollective that's the intention
is to the people who are into thePolyvagal theory and working on
(20:52):
self regulation and putting thesepieces together, let's let's meet up.
Let's talk about this stuffhere and work together.
And I even have something called,um, shut down and stillness, which
is a live cohort specificallyfor people who are in shutdown.
And that has been awesome so far.
I'm loving that.
And it's, it's, um, it's really coolto see people embrace, okay, I'm
in shutdown, but I can also work onfeeling safe and, and then getting into
(21:14):
stillness by combining those two things.
Anne number one says, I didn'tknow what I didn't know.
70 is late to analyze childhood trauma.
I get what Anne is saying.
70, is it too late?
No, obviously not.
Is it too late to startto work on yourself?
(21:38):
To self reg, to work on self regulation?
To get more satisfaction from life?
No, it's not too late.
Is it later than 24 years old?
Yeah, it's later, but it's not too late.
I think it's actually, it'sbetter than nothing, right?
It's, it's better than too late.
It's a hell of a lot better than too late.
It's better than 71.
It's better than 72.
(21:58):
It's better than 80.
It's better than 90.
So if you're working on this stuff at70, you still have more life to go.
I'm glad, I'm glad thatyou're working on this.
I'm glad that you'reworking on self regulation.
Does that mean you have todelve into childhood trauma?
I don't think so.
Uh, personally, I don't,that's not the way I work.
That's not the way I teach.
If you want to go ahead, uh, but youcan absolutely today, you know, uh,
(22:21):
put some attention, some compassion,some mindfulness into what you feel in
this present moment, not even today,just, just in the present moment, in
the present moment, can we connectwith the experience of numbness?
Yeah, yeah, we can do that.
Do we have to reflect uponchildhood trauma in this moment?
No, you don't have to.
(22:41):
And I think a lot more good can be donethrough prioritizing feeling safe and
then permitting your other feelings tobe there that ones that are we typically
try to avoid- and this is not just forseventy year olds This is for everybody.
I think more good can come from thatin this present moment right now
versus trying to address specificinstances of childhood trauma.
(23:04):
Now if you want to keep working onsafety and building that up and you're
now you're ready to address childhoodtrauma or whatever other traumas, a week
from now, two weeks from now, months,years from now, sure, go right ahead.
But in this present moment, it's nottoo late to start adding a little bit
more safety in your life or compassiontoward the stuff that doesn't feel great.
(23:26):
It's not too late.
Honestly, it's the present moment,so it's probably the perfect time.
Nade who has been in shutdown in thepast year says to you, Dear Listener,
the sun is always above the cloud.
Oh, I like that.
The sun is always above the clouds.
If you do not see the sun or feel itswarmth, it does not mean it is not there.
(23:46):
Shut down alters yourperception of reality.
What you feel is real is not reality.
That's really interesting.
The, um, and Nadia is correct that nomatter what state we're in, it does
filter the experience of reality.
So there probably is one, we,we, we, there is an objective
reality outside of us.
There is an objective reality.
(24:07):
The state that we're in, whether it'ssafety, flight, fight, shutdown, freeze,
or, or something else, the state thatwe're in directly becomes a filter
for the external objective reality.
Someone in shutdown experiences thingsdifferently than someone who's in fight.
Neither of them are right or wrong.
It's, it's different.
(24:27):
Someone who's in safety probably has, Iwould, I would, I assume and understand
that probably has a more present momentobjective connection with reality.
With the external reality.
Does it mean they're always right?
No, of course not.
But, uh, their level of present momentconnection is, is, is higher than
someone who's in a defensive state.
(24:49):
And as you access more and moresafety, you'll notice how fundamentally
different reality is how much moreenlivened you are within, but also
how much vibrant the world is outside.
The metaphor of sun is above the cloudsis, is like so perfect for shutdown too.
As the clouds clear, then the,um, well, self regulation unfolds.
(25:12):
And then we can see the sun,then we can touch upon safety.
Anne number two, who's been inshutdown one to three years, has a
lot to say to you, Dear Listener.
She says.
Hi friend, capital F.
Hi Friend, I'm here.
May my own experiences of shutdown offeryou a sense that you are truly not alone.
(25:33):
We may have not experienced shutdowntogether in the exact same time or the
exact same ways, but I know that it isthat experience of being so immobile
we can't move, barely move, or want tomove, or want to even be alive sometimes,
or make a sound, or make the tiniestsingle efforts, or anything at all.
(25:55):
You still love who you love,you still love the things
you love, you are still you.
That hasn't changedbecause of your shutdown.
It's an honestly uncomfortablething when you just don't want to
do a single thing, and I get it.
There are truly so many realreasons for your shutdown.
Real experiences of times when youwere being a genuine human being,
(26:19):
trying to survive those moments.
Maybe it was during a time when yougave it your all because you cared.
Or maybe it was during a timewhen you thought or felt you
were doing the right thing.
Or maybe it was people being cruel orreleasing their past traumas onto you.
Or it was a horrible, frightening event.
(26:39):
Period.
Being in shutdown is not a forever thing.
It will happen for the time being tohelp you save what's left of your energy.
It's your body watching out for you.
Even though it feels like s----.
It's honestly you being as gentleto yourself as it knows how
after what you've went through.
So, Friend, you aren't a bad person.
(27:02):
You're no word that describesanything remotely bad or negative
or unworthy of kindness in any way.
You are a human trying to saveyourself in one of the most incredible
responses we are meant to do.
And just from my own experience,sometimes I am able to climb out of
shutdown, like in a force myself todo it kind of way, because you know,
(27:23):
life and all the responsibilities.
Where sometimes I climb out ofshutdown very, very, extremely slowly.
And there are times when I havebeen in shutdown for years.
There isn't one clear answer ofhow to solve it or get out of it.
If any of these words feel safe, pleasetake whatever you feel is right for you.
Patience, love, rest.
(27:44):
Take as much time as you need.
Reach out to someone you trustor seek help when you feel ready.
Let the world be whileyou let yourself be.
And that is totally okay.
Anne number two, that was incredible.
I'm gonna leave it at that.
I have nothing to add to that.
Karyn had a little bit more of herown personal context I wanted to
share that, you know, maybe peoplecould relate to, and I think it's
a really good example of Shutdown.
(28:05):
Karyn says, How rare it isfor anybody to know about it.
You can't tell most people,"Oh, I'm in shutdown right now."
Recently, I did a group mushroom ceremony.
I was with six women I've known for 10plus years, and we had a guide we paid.
I told the guide aboutmy rough MDMA experience.
For the mushroom journey, I criedfor most of the three hours.
(28:27):
It was very painful.
I kept trying to pullmyself out of the sadness.
That level of crying isdysregulating for me.
It was not cathartic in that context.
I felt shame because I kept crying, andI couldn't have the expansive loving
experience I had held for my intention.
The guide would not acknowledgethat I'd had a bad trip.
She kept telling me the positive.
(28:49):
The next morning, I tried to spin itas well as I could when we had the
integration session together as a group.
The guide went into this weirdquestioning with me and kept
trying to make me see the positive.
And I told her that I was inshutdown and was unable to
find the positive or feel it.
She just kept pushing and pushing.
(29:11):
It was like she had toshow the group her skills.
And I got to the point where I told herI wanted to be downstairs under my bed.
She kept at it, and my being somehowgot very stubborn and a little angry.
So then I said, I was just goingto ---- myself when my money runs out.
I still can't believe I said that.
(29:33):
It's only a tiny bit true.
I'm much more resourced emotionallythan that makes me sound.
That was a classic shutdown statement.
But the morning after mushrooms,one is not one's usual self.
I described shutdown repeatedly,thinking she'd eventually
get it, but she never did.
She was obsessed with how I needed todrop my limiting beliefs, and I'd be fine.
(29:58):
I processed this experience with awise integration therapist who told
me never to do psychedelic therapyin a group setting, or at least
not until I'm much more integrated.
She also said that guide was probablyonly experienced with run of the mill
trauma and not the kind of traumathat my body is working through.
(30:18):
I hope you can see theshutdown in the story.
It shows up and most people don'tknow what they are seeing, and yet
I'm pretty sure everyone in thatmushroom ceremony has been in shutdown.
They just didn't know it, andperhaps they don't get stuck.
And healing professionals who thinkthey know healing, well, in my view,
they all need Polyvagal Theory training.
(30:41):
Yes, Karyn, I completely agree, andI appreciate you sharing that really
descriptive experience of shutdown.
So even if someone isn't going througha mushroom ceremony, I think what
you described is extremely relatable.
The idea of, well, if you just stopthinking that way, if you just stop
feeling that way, well, if you just changeyour behaviors, Like, okay, but well, how?
(31:02):
How do I, how do we do that?
How do we do that without rejectingwho we are and how we feel?
Because I think it's important, I think,to compassionately notice, normalize,
and even permit how we feel is, isimportant very important and necessary
for the process of self regulation.
So if we just say, well,think differently, feel
(31:23):
differently, act differently.
Um, that's nice.
It's a nice idea, but it'salso kind of ridiculous.
All right.
So then Karyn goes on to say for you,your listener, another thought for you.
She says, The first step is to notice.
Then, sit with it for a bit andnotice what is happening, which
is usually the lack of what canbe noticed, but this is important.
(31:47):
So I get to the point of, oh, here I am inshutdown, and I'm grateful I've seen this.
Then, I make a list of what I cando to start the process of shifting.
Journaling, somatic practice to bein my body, maybe some music and
movement, running my hands up and downmy arms and or legs, touching my face.
Be patient and gentle.
Karen says.
(32:08):
Those are really good ideas.
And Karyn, those areawesome that it's from you.
It's what your body wants.
It's telling you this is what I need.
And so you act on it.
That's perfect.
That is beautiful.
And Dear Listener, I wouldinvite you to do the same.
I don't know if running your hands upand down your body is good for you.
I'm not here to give a prescription likejust do this thing and you'll feel better.
That's not the point.
(32:29):
If you can permeate yourself tofeel the way you feel, your body
will tell you what it needs.
Eventually, if you could listendeep enough, Cindy J says, who's
been in shutdown the past yearsays, Be patient with yourself and
don't be afraid to ask for help.
Love it, and maybe even asking forhelp is if that's too much, you
know, like listening to somethinglike this, listening to trusted
sources, um, maybe that's thefirst step toward asking for help.
(32:52):
If you can do this, then is there someonein your life or even a professional that
you can work with and ask for help ina way that feels comfortable for you?
Robert, who's been in shutdown oneto three years says to you, dear
listener, he says, I feel you.
It is going to be okay.
Yes, it sucks, but hell, let'skeep going and figure or not
(33:13):
figure this out together.
I love that Robert, that message oflike togetherness, and there's even a
little bit of fight activation in there.
It's like yeah, it sucks, butwhat the heck, let's do it.
There's some motivation there, I love it.
Nanna, who has been shut down withinthe past year, says, This too will pass.
But you must be curious to understandyourself and show self compassion.
(33:34):
Digging in harder doesn'tgive you the path out of this.
Your body is not the enemyand your mind is not the boss.
You must connect the two and be curiousto know who you are and believe you can
heal with authentic connection in time.
That is very wise, Nanna.
so much for that.
Dee, who has been in shutdown one to threeyears, also says, This too shall pass.
(33:57):
Put one foot in front of the otherand allow yourself to make small
shifts, small wins, no judgment,only compassionate inquiry.
Gradually things will change.
Ellen, who's been in shutdown 31 to 40years, says, Even if it completely feels
like you are all alone, you are not.
Please, please do not give up.
Please be extremely kind to yourself.
(34:19):
This is part of the human experience.
I know it is so tough.
Please do not make it harder for yourself.
Linda, who's been in shutdown 50plus years, says, You're not alone.
There is help out there and finallythere is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Polyvagal Theory has beenthe life saving rescue for me.
(34:41):
I've actually had glimpses of being ableto think clearly and not being afraid.
Soon I hope the glimpses willcome together more and I can
live peacefully and enjoy mylife and not be afraid anymore.
Just try it because it bringstremendous relief even with only
the small glimpses at first.
But you will feel yourself trying tocome alive and that causes you to keep
(35:05):
trying to get into ventral vagal safetyto finally start feeling free of the
drudge, confusion, and fear you feel now.
Thank you so much, Linda.
Yeah, those small moments.
They go a long way.
Don't give up.
Do the small moments.
Sharon simply says, Your body istelling you to lower your stimulation.
Listen and get soothed.
(35:26):
You are worth it.
Sz says, I understand what'skeeping you in the state.
I would like you to become consciousof this state of yours and accept it.
There were things in life thatmoved you down the Polyvagal ladder.
Be self compassionate.
There is nothing wrong with shutting down.
It's your system signaling youthat "I can't take anymore."
(35:47):
I, I completely agree with SZ here.
The only thing I'll tweak here isthat I think when SZ says, "accept"
it, the way I understand this, theway I'm reading it is, that doesn't
mean you have to be okay with it.
"Accept it" means, uh,validate it, recognize it.
Maybe normalize it, and actuallythat's what SZ says here, is that it's
not random, it's there for a reason.
(36:09):
Um, and it's your body saying,"I can't take anymore."
So accept, accept means, in thiscontext I'm hearing it as, "accept"
means validate, normalize, andeven give it permission to be.
Jessica, who has been in shutdown,it looks like between one to
thirty years, maybe there's beena few different bouts of it.
(36:30):
Jessica says, All I say to peoplein shutdown is that shutdown sucks.
And it does get so, so, so much better.
There is more to life than what youin shutdown have been experiencing.
I spent 28 to 29 years being disconnected,dissociated slash in shutdown.
(36:50):
And I can personally say through myexperience that going from shutdown,
experiencing safety is, is very difficult.
And for me, it is not fun.
And it is filled with steps backwardsand weird curves on the road to recovery.
But even though it is themost difficult thing I have
ever and will ever experience.
I would encourage every person who isstuck in shutdown, specifically those
(37:13):
who are stuck, to just keep trying.
Keep moving through life becausegetting out of shutdown is 100 percent
WORTH IT -experiencing safety andexperiencing connection with people.
Oh my gosh, I can't even come upwith the words to describe how
magnificent these things are.
Work through shutdown at yourown pace, but you can do it.
(37:35):
It is possible, and it is worth it.
Thank you, Jessica.
I would definitely takeJessica's advice here.
I'm not hearing Jessica say that it's amagic pill and that you're gonna be fixed
overnight with, well, a magic pill orsome hack, some vagal nerve stimulation.
It sounds like it's a process.
It's a process of slowresults with small efforts.
(37:55):
And that's a hell of alot better than nothing.
Uh, but that's pretty normal.
That's pretty normal.
And if you could do those littlethings every day, it goes a long way.
I know I keep saying that, but it's true.
Suzie, who's been in shutdown the pastyear, says, Someone once told me, when
you're going through hell, keep going.
Movement's important even ifit is a cup of water to your
lips and bread to your mouth.
(38:16):
I love this.
This is so good.
Susie, thank you for this.
The going through hell keep going.
Yeah, like why stay in hell?
You got at least make small stepsforward and those small steps might
be drink a little bit of water, eata little bit of bread, just take care
of your basic foundational pieces.
But those little movements of,you know, your hand to your mouth,
(38:38):
it's, doesn't seem like much, andI guess not, but it's better than
laying and sleeping or oversleeping.
I would say it's better than that.
I think it's better than swipingwith your thumb on your phone
hour after hour after hour.
So if you can take care of yourself anddo small movements that might even be just
(38:58):
sitting quietly for two minutes and usingyour eyes to reorient to the environment
and seeing where your eyes take you.
Like that's a small It's a tiny movementjust eyes, but you know, it's you're
reconnecting to the environment.
I think it's better than not doing that.
I think it's better than laying inbed in the dark and shaming yourself.
(39:24):
That's it.
That that is the end of the ShutdownExperiences Survey results I hope
you've enjoyed this series and Ihope you've gotten a lot out of it.
I hope you feel more normal Ihope you feel more validated.
I hope you feel more seen eventhough these are strangers
going through me, you know?
That was kind of the goal with all thiswas How can I help my listeners who
(39:45):
are in shutdown and knows a lot of you?
How can I help you feel more seen andmore normalized, more validated without
telling you that you're valid and normal,that your feelings are valid and normal.
How can I help connectyou with other people?
And that's, this is what I came up with.
And I hope that you got a lot out of this.
The other question I asked herethat I didn't go into is what
could be better about the feedback?
(40:05):
And I just, or about the survey,the feedback I got from that.
I got some really good ideas.
So I just want to thank thepeople who gave me those.
Um, and I also got some really,it was interesting that people
said they got a lot out of doingthe survey in and of itself.
Like, just thinking about this stuff,and thinking about their life, and
(40:28):
taking the time to respond, and takingthe time to respond knowing that.
I was going to share these results.
Like it just did something for them.
They said, like, they were gratefulfor the opportunity to reflect on
their life, but also grateful for theopportunity to give to someone else.
Like, that's pretty fricking amazing.
For someone who's in shutdown to do that.
(40:51):
That's, I don't know.
It's awesome.
Thank you for, on my behalf,but also for the listeners.
Thank you for the people whotook the time to do this.
There was a couple of people whosaid, who started the survey and
we're completing it and answering it.
And by the end, they said, I don'thave the energy for this anymore.
I'm done.
And they, they, I believe, just Iassume just like copy pasted, "I
don't have the energy for this."
And I appreciate you doing that.
(41:12):
Someone from the outside who doesn'thave our language and the way we
understand polyvagal theory, theywould say, well, this person's lazy.
I see this person.
They showed up.
They started it.
They were answering the questionsand they recognize that it's not
because they don't want to, theywanted to, they finished the survey.
They just didn't have theenergy to further reflect.
(41:32):
They didn't have the energy to further becompassionate for other people, perhaps.
And that's kind of sad, butalso like it is what it is.
And I am so grateful, and I think you'relistening, I'm assuming you are as well.
I am so grateful they showed upand did what they could, like
they gave the energy they could.
And then that was it.
And we have what they gaveus, and thank you for that.
Thank you for those people that startedit, and finished it, but just didn't
(41:56):
have the energy to finish it in theway that they originally wanted.
There were some really kind wordsfor me; I'll keep those for myself.
And I want you to know, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that my podcast and myfree content, the blog and the books.
I appreciate, I'm glad that thesehave been impactful for you.
That is unbelievably fueling for me to,to read those things and to know that the
(42:21):
stuff I put out there is touching somebodyelse in a way that's beneficial for them.
It, it's fuel.
Like it, it just, it fills me up and Iappreciate that and, um, you're welcome.
And thank you for, thank you forsharing that, but also you're
welcome for, uh, for my efforts.
I do plan on doing another survey of this.
(42:41):
I'm going to have it bemore comprehensive though.
Some people said, hey, I want to talkto you about my, or I want to share
about my freeze, my freeze experiences.
What about this?
What about that?
So, um, I will release in thefuture a more comprehensive survey.
It's probably gonna be prettyexhausting in all honesty.
Um, but I don't, I don't know.
I'm just, I'm just playing around withthe idea in my head, but I want to
(43:03):
hear about people's experiences withFreeze, with intimacy, with stillness
with play with flight fight like allthe polyvagal states and mixed states.
So we'll see how that comesout - that's that's very much
in the back burner right now.
I I just released Book Two StuckNot Broken Book Two I'm gonna get
going on stuck not broken bookthree and revising what I have.
(43:26):
It's pretty much already done, butI'll probably spend a couple months
just revising, adding, taking away,just doing a deeper editing process.
On top of that, I'mworking on my next cohort.
I have Shut down to Stillness.
Which, uh, is for people inshutdown to access more safety and
to combine those into stillness.
Now I am working diligently on Stillnessto Sympathetic, which is for people
(43:50):
who have access stillness, and noware ready for more mobilization.
I'm calling it shutdown is, uh,no Stillness to Sympathetic.
I'm still working on thetitle, but that's, I'm leaning
toward that at this moment.
Stillness to Sympathetic, um, the cohorts,the courses, all that stuff is available
in the Total Access Membership, that'sthe courses, the private community,
(44:12):
the live cohorts, the live Q andA's, the meditations I'm adding to.
I have a few of those in there now,just me recording meditations for you.
Uh, there's a lot there inthe Total Access Membership.
So.
If you like this, you're going tofricking love the Total Access Membership.
It's a pretty darn comprehensive.
Let me know if you have a question.
Um, there'll be a link in the descriptionfor how to learn more about that, but put
(44:35):
a question in the comments on YouTube and,um, or email me Justin at Justin LMFT.
com.
And I'll, I'll address whatever you needas far as the Total Access Membership
it goes or whatever else, just emailme and, or message me and leave a
comment and I'll respond to what I can.
That's it.
Thank you for hanging out with me in thisepisode, but also this entire series.
Uh, I'll stop talking.
(44:56):
Bye.
If you are stuck in a dorsal vagalshutdown, you probably need to hear a
(00:04):
little bit of positivity or encouragement,not just from me, but from other people
who know what you're going through.
In this episode, I'm going to sharewith you the final parts or portion of
my Shutdown Experiences Survey results.
If you haven't seen the other ones,I invite you to pause this and go
watch the rest of this playlist.
(00:24):
I'll have a link for you in thedescription, uh, for a playlist to the
audio and the YouTube version of this.
So let's listen to those first.
And especially if you don't know whatDorsal Vagal Shutdown is, this is
like not the place for you to begin.
Uh, but this, the point here is to hearfrom other people who are currently
in shutdown and words of encouragementor other thoughts that they have.
(00:47):
Hey, I am Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach whowants to help you live with more
calm, confidence, and connectionwithout psychobabble or woo woo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.
This is of course not therapy, noris it intended to replace therapy,
nor is it specific life advice.
So I did this thing called theShutdown Experiences Survey a long
(01:09):
time ago and I finally am wrapping itup with, with this episode where the
people who shared their experiencesabout shutdown and how it affects
their daily life and their thoughts,their emotions, their relationships.
Now they're going to provide, well,this is what, here's, here's some
words I have for you, the DearListener who is in shutdown also.
(01:29):
As a, an aside, but also justsort of a setup for where I'm at,
I just walked my son to school.
It is foggy.
It is a little bit rainy, uh, recentlyand even this morning was raining.
It's a little bit dark still.
It's very much overcast.
And you know, there's a chill in theair and I still feel it on my skin.
I got my beanie on.
I got my sweater on.
And to me, this is likeperfect shutdown weather.
(01:52):
This weather tells usgo indoors and be warm.
And maybe have a loved one there,but being alone is okay too.
To me, this is perfect for shutdown.
So that's kind of the setup here incase you're listening and can't see me.
I got my beanie on.
I'm feeling warm and I love it.
The last three questions I asked areIs there anything else about your
experience that you want to share?
(02:13):
Uh, do you have any feedback, surveyfeedback and personal message?
If you could share a messagewith someone else experiencing
shutdown, what would you say?
Your words could offer comfort adviceor encouragement to someone in need.
So that's what this is addressing.
And really the first and last ones,uh, any other information and what
words of encouragement do you have?
We'll start off with a touch of humor.
(02:34):
Daisy, who's been in shutdown for11 to 20 years says, hang in there.
with a picture of a sloth.
So, you know what that image is.
It's the image of a sloth hanging from abranch and the words are Hang in there.
Little bit of humor.
If you're in Shutdown, you'll get it.
The next person, Helene, who's been,sounds like has who's a couple of bouts of
(02:57):
Shutdown, has been in Shutdown for 11 to30 years, somewhere in that span says, "I
think the feeling of shame over being shutdown is one of the biggest issues for me."
So this is more addressing the,do you have any other thoughts?
She says, I think the feelingof shame over being shut down is
(03:17):
one of the biggest issues for me.
I now understand what's going on, butI've been so ashamed for so very long.
Ashamed for not being able to performat the level that I knew I was capable.
For being constantly late for everything.
For not being able to domore to make others happy.
And the list goes on.
So shame.
(03:38):
and shutdown go hand in hand for Helene.
And I think that's probably common.
Uh, the level of shaming that youget from others, like you're not good
enough, uh, for someone in shutdown orpretty much any stuck defensive state.
Yeah, that probably goeshand in hand, I think.
People telling you that you're not goodenough, you're not doing good enough.
And part of that is we might recognize,well, yeah, like, I know, "I know
(04:02):
I'm capable of doing more, so I agreethat maybe I'm not doing enough,"
whatever the context is, but also,"yeah, maybe I'm not good enough."
I think that can easily goalong with, with shutdown.
Let's remind ourselves, though, thatwhat you accomplish is an aspect
of who you are in a way, but it'sum, it's not all of who you are.
(04:23):
Being in shutdown is an aspectof who you are, or maybe your
present day autonomic state.
So that kind of is very dominant in whoyou are, but there is more to who you are.
And maybe it's not coming out right nowbecause the shutdown is so prevalent.
But it's not, you're not just shut down.
There, there is more to you.
Hopefully over time we see theshutdown alleviate, especially
(04:46):
as you're practicing safety.
So I guess it's just for now, it'sa good idea to remind yourself that
yeah, there is more to you and it willcome out as this shutdown alleviates.
Helene also says to you, dearlistener, that I would tell them that
shutdown is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's how your body is protecting you.
It's actually a gift, eventhough it rarely feels that way.
(05:07):
When you learn to work withit, it can be your guide to a
richer and more fulfilling life.
So Helene recognizes that even thoughshe has a lot of shame with her shutdown,
that being in shutdown in and of itselfis not something to be ashamed of
and I completely agree with Helene.
It's simply a state of the body.
It's an autonomic state.
That we exist in not randomly, butprobably due to the context of our
(05:31):
life, some prior context, like thepast, or maybe a current context.
There's something that we don't feel safein, can't run away from can't fight off,
and so the last result or last, um, option-sequential option- is to shut down.
Our body collapses.
It goes numb.
We disconnect.
(05:51):
So it's a survival strategy.
It's an autonomic evolutionarysurvival strategy.
It's not something that welike to do and choose to do.
It just is our, our body's last optionto deal with whatever it's dealing with.
So in that context, like, yeah,it's not something to be ashamed of.
It's oh, like, there'sa reason it makes sense.
Like I'm normal.
My, my autonomic state is normalbased on the context of my life.
(06:12):
And if you can do that, like,that's a really good sign.
If you can validate your shutdown, justacknowledge it and then normalize it.
And the next step after that wouldbe, well, can you give yourself
permission to be in shutdown?
Actually, and actually Helenekind of touched upon that.
She says, when you learn to work with it.
So, can you give yourselfpermission to be in shutdown?
Which means, can you give yourselfpermission to reduce stimulation?
(06:33):
Maybe be alone?
Turn lights down?
Bundle up in warmth?
Can you give yourselfpermission to be in silence?
So, that is how you work with it.
You listen to what your bodyneeds and you provide it.
Now, isolating in the dark and cuttingpeople off from your life, like,
no, that's not exactly what I mean.
That's, um, isolation isdifferent than solitude.
(06:57):
And shutdown solitude isprobably a really good idea.
Isolation, probably not.
So can you give yourself at leastmoments of solitude where you give
yourself your feelings, you feel whatyou feel, you don't distract yourself
with Tik TOK and Instagram and YouTubevideos like this, but you truly just let
yourself feel shut down and then allowyour body to self regulate out of it.
(07:20):
Not easy, but that is the general idea.
So can you work with itand settle into stillness?
Like today, uh, I was describingtoday's cold and foggy and overcast.
This is a really good day if you're inshutdown to embrace that, to embrace
solitude and warmth and reduce stimulationwhile watching the rain outside.
(07:42):
Charlotte says, I don't think I'dcall it insight that she's giving.
I don't think I'd call it insight, butrecently I've noticed that I can quite
strongly long for a shutdown state,especially when I'm in a freeze state,
but also when I'm in flight fight.
They stretch me out so muchthat I crave the numbness and
disconnection of shutdown somehow.
(08:02):
I'm not quite sure how this works withinme, but I can imagine that more people,
especially with trauma, feel this cravingtoward the shutdown state sometimes.
Yeah, Charlotte, I think you're right.
The, whatever autonomic statethat we're in becomes predictable.
I mean, whatever, um, stuck autonomicstate that we have, even the defensive
(08:24):
ones, they become predictable.
They become, in a sense, Notreally comforting, but predictable.
Like we, we, we know what to expect.
There's no surprises there.
As we self regulate out of thosestates, well, all of a sudden
things are, are, are different.
As we come out of shutdown, which isdisconnected and slower and alone, and
(08:47):
now we're in flight fight, and all ofa sudden we have this surge of fight
activation, we feel more aggressive andirritable and angry, that's different.
And it feels wrong.
And it feels like we're doingsomething wrong and it feels like
there's something wrong with us.
It's not the way things,it's not how we are.
I'm not this person.
I am a person who does this.
I'm not a person who does this.
I'm not a person who thinks this way.
I'm a person who thinks that way.
(09:09):
But the reality is that, well, you'rea person who has the potential to
think this way and that way andto feel this way and that way.
So yeah, I don't think you're alonein this whatsoever, uh, Charlotte.
As we self regulate out of anystuck state, it feels different.
And different is not necessarily good.
(09:30):
Uh, or at least experientially, it'snot necessarily invited or, or welcome.
Uh, we get comfort andpredictability from what we know.
And so we might consciously wantto go back to that place, even
though we know it's not ideal.
Charlotte wants to add this for you, dearlistener, who's also stuck in shutdown.
She says Try to identify what shutdownfeels like and looks like for you,
(09:54):
and then allow yourself to give intothe shutdown tendencies instead of
fighting it because it's not whatyou're supposed to feel or act like.
For me, at least allowing myself tobe in shutdown has opened a door to
gently ease out of shutdown towarda safety state instead of getting
stuck in fight, flight, or freeze.
(10:16):
Yeah, it touches upon, I think, exactlywhat I said that instead of fighting
it because it's not how you are or arenot supposed to be, uh, embrace it.
Shutdown has a function.
It evolved within us for a reason.
It's not a bad thing in and of itself.
Does your shutdown state limit yourcapacity to work and kick butt in life?
(10:38):
Yeah.
And to connect with others andbuild meaningful relationships?
Yeah, it does.
So yeah, it's limiting, just like fightand flight and freeze, but it's not bad.
So there's no one way you'resupposed to think and act and feel.
I like what she says thatDon't fight it off, basically.
Shutdown is here for a reason.
(11:00):
It's not random.
You're in a shutdown state,probably due to the context of
your life, present and past.
And so rather than fighting thatyou're in shutdown, can you embrace it?
And can you give yourself momentsof calm, relaxation, and stillness?
Can you get in that warm blanket with awarm tea, versus telling yourself, "I'm
(11:23):
not supposed to feel like this," and thendistracting yourself with your phone?
One of those is more embracingof shutdown than the other.
Can you be with one person that feels safeand that you smile with, and who accepts
you fully, versus isolating in your roomwith the lights off, watching a Netflix
series from beginning to end in one day?
(11:46):
One of those.
is more embracing ofshutdown than the other.
So instead of fighting it, can you connectwith it compassionately on some level?
And that completely depends onthe strength of your safety state.
The next person to sharetheir thoughts is Rosa.
She says, I'd be interested to knowmore about the different degrees of
shutdown because I'm convinced thereis a mild form that all of us are in
(12:09):
a lot of the time, but we're stillfunctional and able to do stuff.
We're just not connected toour bodies or the here and now.
One particular challenge for me isthat I can see how shutdown protects
me from certain aspects of my lifethat are too painful to deal with
like chronic fatigue and isolation.
Coming out of shutdown means beingmore aware of those things and
(12:31):
although I can't change those things,especially isolation, unless I come
out of shutdown, it can't changeovernight and it's not easy to change.
So there's this bit in between whereI'm super aware of my dissatisfaction
with my life and I can see whymy nervous system goes into
shutdown to cope with this reality.
So the first part of this,Rosa, I definitely agree with.
I think each of us has some levelof disconnection, and maybe I would
(12:55):
call it some level of shutdown thatis present within us every day.
Well, we all do.
I mean, it's all thesestates are on at all times.
But there is some level of disconnection.
Disconnection can kind of comefrom flight and fight as well.
I agree that there is probablysome level of disconnection.
How many of us are aware thatwe have emotions in our body.
(13:16):
Um, like there, there is somechronic level of disconnection, you
know, top down that we all have.
And is that due to family?
Yeah.
Culture, political stuff, um, socialstuff, you know, in our interpersonal
issues, our own issues internally,where we reject how we think and feel.
(13:36):
Yeah.
Like it's all these things put together.
There's just disconnection,disconnection, disconnection.
So yeah, I agree.
And that's probably like a daily, justchronic underlying level of shutdown
that we all have in that context, butthat also could come from flight fight.
So, um, mostly i'm agreeingwith Rosa here, I think.
And yeah, it does have a function.
There are things thatare too much in life.
(13:58):
And so shutdown helps numbus from the pains of that
like maybe a chronic illness.
It doesn't change overnight As wecome out of it, we become more aware
of how unhappy we are with life.
And that's, well, we're probably aware ofthat in shutdown, but as we come out of
shutdown, we have more fight activation.
(14:19):
So that level of frustration with life andour functioning in it probably goes up.
And that's potentially a really goodsign that we're coming out of shutdown.
If, if we're not as numb, thenthat means we're not as shut down.
And so that might comethrough as irritability and
aggressiveness or even anxiousness.
(14:41):
If you're feeling those things,that means, Hey, you're not quite
shut down now as you were before.
So can we embrace those feelings, um,and keep climbing our Polyvagal ladder?
It is possible.
And again, safety state strengthis unbelievably important in that
mindfulness, maybe meditation practices,maybe use utilizing movement as a means
to channel or funnel that activation.
(15:03):
Rosa says to you, dear listener, and Rosahas been in shutdown four to 10 years.
She says If you're experiencingshutdown right now, please
know that you haven't failed.
You're not broken.
You're just overwhelmed and your nervoussystem is trying to cope with that
in what it thinks is the best way.
Be gentle with yourself.
Maybe you can do one small thing thatbrings you some comfort or brings a
(15:25):
tiny bit of awareness to your body.
I love that.
Thank you Rosa for sharingyour thoughts with everyone.
I love that idea one thing Ithink that's huge personally.
In the Stucknaut Collective, theprivate community, I do these
Daily Growth Hub challenges.
And a lot of times it's just like, what'sone small thing that you can do today?
(15:46):
What is one two minute mindfulnessexercise that you can do today?
I think those little micro moments ofsafety or micro moments of mindfulness
where we connect with what we're feelinginside, I think those are enormous and can
do a ton in shutdown, especially becausein shutdown things seem so overwhelming.
So if you can do a two minute mindfulnessexercise- or even a 30 second one- you
(16:09):
If you can do that, that's probably alot better than a 30 minute meditation
that you're struggling through.
Like seriously.
So thank you Rosa.
And I, I, I double that.
Like those little, thoselittle moments of connection of
mindfulness of safety are enormous.
Ellie, who's been in shutdown fourto 10 years also says to you, dear
listener, Shutdown can feel like forever.
(16:30):
Calm and grounded can seem soimpossible that it isn't even on
the map to get out of shutdown.
But it's there.
Your body and mind want to help you.
You're in shutdown because a partof you is trying to protect you.
Honor that part.
It wants to help.
It just doesn't know how.
I love this, Ellie.
I love this.
This is, again, speaking to, canyou validate what you're feeling?
(16:53):
Can, can you acknowledge it?
Can you normalize it?
That it's there for a reasonand maybe it's even protective.
And can you give itpermission to be there?
So even though it seems so far away, itis possible to get to a state of safety.
It is possible to have small momentsof calm, small moments of relaxation
or connection, or basically stillness.
(17:15):
Stillness is the, is thecombination of your safety
state with your shutdown state.
So can you be in shutdown, butalso have your safety state active?
Yeah, it is very much possible.
And that might be step one, likejust reduce stimulation around you.
That, that might be the,the next step forward.
Okay, the next response is fromSmokey Moon, who has been in
(17:36):
shutdown for 50 plus years.
Smokey Moon says, simply, elegantly,and poignantly, This is not your fault.
dear listener who's also inshutdown, this is not your fault.
And I, I don't reallyhave much to add to that.
Um, yeah, ditto, ditto on my end.
I, I agree.
It's not your fault, but actuallyI will add something to this.
(17:56):
You, dear listener who's stuck inshutdown, you might blame yourself.
You might say, "Well, today I didn't,all I did was stay in bed all day."
And "I didn't live up to whatI want to as a parent or as an
employee or a business owner.
I just.
This is my fault.
I'm choosing this state every day.
I'm choosing my thoughts."
Um, to that I would say It's completelyokay to take stock, take inventory,
(18:21):
to audit your daily life and look atwhat you are and are not happy with.
That's fine.
We're not content with,we're not proud of.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
Now is your stuck, shutdown state your fault?
Meh.
I mean, the reason why it'sthere, probably not, but can you
take responsibility every dayfor doing something differently?
Yeah, I think it's a really good idea.
Even though it's not your fault.
(18:42):
Sadly, the responsibility is on allof us to improve ourselves, to self
regulate out of our stuck defensive state.
That it is on us.
And hopefully we help each otherout and have people in our lives
that are co regulators, butultimately, yeah, it's up to us.
So hopefully we can agree that whileit's not your fault, you're stuck in
shutdown, probably, that it is yourresponsibility and there are things
(19:05):
that you can do every day to feel alittle bit more proud of yourself.
So instead of binge watching Netflix,can you listen to, or can you do a two
minute meditation or mindfulness practice?
Can you, you know, reduce stimulation fortwo minutes and exist in silence and give
yourself permission to feel what you feeland maybe say something kind of yourself?
(19:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can probably do that.
You can probably do that.
Um, so you're probably not going to, noneof us are going to fully self regulate
out of shutdown completely and entirelyand forever starting today, probably
not, but we can absolutely take somesteps in that direction every single day.
And so today, and in this moment rightnow, you have an opportunity to do that,
(19:49):
and I really hope you embrace that.
I hope you don't, um, end yourday with, uh, even more regret,
and more guilt, and more shame.
Or at least with less of thosethings, because I hope you do
something different starting today.
If you're not already.
Joe, who has been in shutdown one to threeyears, says to you, Dear Listener, Your
shutdown experience does not define you.
(20:10):
You are very capable ofgetting out of that state.
You're so loved and appreciated.
You're so resilient forgetting through this.
Yeah, I think Joe, I thinkyou are correct in that.
There, um, I, I really appreciatethat when I ask people who are in
shutdown, just all the positivity, allof the, the love they have to give,
(20:32):
even to strangers who are listeningto this, that's, it's really cool.
So even though it feels alone and shutdownis kind of alone, um, you're not alone
in shutdown in the sense that thereare absolutely other people that are
experiencing what you're going through.
And that's- like I'm in the StucknautCollective that's the intention
is to the people who are into thePolyvagal theory and working on
(20:52):
self regulation and putting thesepieces together, let's let's meet up.
Let's talk about this stuffhere and work together.
And I even have something called,um, shut down and stillness, which
is a live cohort specificallyfor people who are in shutdown.
And that has been awesome so far.
I'm loving that.
And it's, it's, um, it's really coolto see people embrace, okay, I'm
in shutdown, but I can also work onfeeling safe and, and then getting into
(21:14):
stillness by combining those two things.
Anne number one says, I didn'tknow what I didn't know.
70 is late to analyze childhood trauma.
I get what Anne is saying.
70, is it too late?
No, obviously not.
Is it too late to startto work on yourself?
(21:38):
To self reg, to work on self regulation?
To get more satisfaction from life?
No, it's not too late.
Is it later than 24 years old?
Yeah, it's later, but it's not too late.
I think it's actually, it'sbetter than nothing, right?
It's, it's better than too late.
It's a hell of a lot better than too late.
It's better than 71.
It's better than 72.
(21:58):
It's better than 80.
It's better than 90.
So if you're working on this stuff at70, you still have more life to go.
I'm glad, I'm glad thatyou're working on this.
I'm glad that you'reworking on self regulation.
Does that mean you have todelve into childhood trauma?
I don't think so.
Uh, personally, I don't,that's not the way I work.
That's not the way I teach.
If you want to go ahead, uh, but youcan absolutely today, you know, uh,
(22:21):
put some attention, some compassion,some mindfulness into what you feel in
this present moment, not even today,just, just in the present moment, in
the present moment, can we connectwith the experience of numbness?
Yeah, yeah, we can do that.
Do we have to reflect uponchildhood trauma in this moment?
No, you don't have to.
(22:41):
And I think a lot more good can be donethrough prioritizing feeling safe and
then permitting your other feelings tobe there that ones that are we typically
try to avoid- and this is not just forseventy year olds This is for everybody.
I think more good can come from thatin this present moment right now
versus trying to address specificinstances of childhood trauma.
(23:04):
Now if you want to keep working onsafety and building that up and you're
now you're ready to address childhoodtrauma or whatever other traumas, a week
from now, two weeks from now, months,years from now, sure, go right ahead.
But in this present moment, it's nottoo late to start adding a little bit
more safety in your life or compassiontoward the stuff that doesn't feel great.
(23:26):
It's not too late.
Honestly, it's the present moment,so it's probably the perfect time.
Nade who has been in shutdown in thepast year says to you, Dear Listener,
the sun is always above the cloud.
Oh, I like that.
The sun is always above the clouds.
If you do not see the sun or feel itswarmth, it does not mean it is not there.
(23:46):
Shut down alters yourperception of reality.
What you feel is real is not reality.
That's really interesting.
The, um, and Nadia is correct that nomatter what state we're in, it does
filter the experience of reality.
So there probably is one, we,we, we, there is an objective
reality outside of us.
There is an objective reality.
(24:07):
The state that we're in, whether it'ssafety, flight, fight, shutdown, freeze,
or, or something else, the state thatwe're in directly becomes a filter
for the external objective reality.
Someone in shutdown experiences thingsdifferently than someone who's in fight.
Neither of them are right or wrong.
It's, it's different.
(24:27):
Someone who's in safety probably has, Iwould, I would, I assume and understand
that probably has a more present momentobjective connection with reality.
With the external reality.
Does it mean they're always right?
No, of course not.
But, uh, their level of present momentconnection is, is, is higher than
someone who's in a defensive state.
(24:49):
And as you access more and moresafety, you'll notice how fundamentally
different reality is how much moreenlivened you are within, but also
how much vibrant the world is outside.
The metaphor of sun is above the cloudsis, is like so perfect for shutdown too.
As the clouds clear, then the,um, well, self regulation unfolds.
(25:12):
And then we can see the sun,then we can touch upon safety.
Anne number two, who's been inshutdown one to three years, has a
lot to say to you, Dear Listener.
She says.
Hi friend, capital F.
Hi Friend, I'm here.
May my own experiences of shutdown offeryou a sense that you are truly not alone.
(25:33):
We may have not experienced shutdowntogether in the exact same time or the
exact same ways, but I know that it isthat experience of being so immobile
we can't move, barely move, or want tomove, or want to even be alive sometimes,
or make a sound, or make the tiniestsingle efforts, or anything at all.
(25:55):
You still love who you love,you still love the things
you love, you are still you.
That hasn't changedbecause of your shutdown.
It's an honestly uncomfortablething when you just don't want to
do a single thing, and I get it.
There are truly so many realreasons for your shutdown.
Real experiences of times when youwere being a genuine human being,
(26:19):
trying to survive those moments.
Maybe it was during a time when yougave it your all because you cared.
Or maybe it was during a timewhen you thought or felt you
were doing the right thing.
Or maybe it was people being cruel orreleasing their past traumas onto you.
Or it was a horrible, frightening event.
(26:39):
Period.
Being in shutdown is not a forever thing.
It will happen for the time being tohelp you save what's left of your energy.
It's your body watching out for you.
Even though it feels like s----.
It's honestly you being as gentleto yourself as it knows how
after what you've went through.
So, Friend, you aren't a bad person.
(27:02):
You're no word that describesanything remotely bad or negative
or unworthy of kindness in any way.
You are a human trying to saveyourself in one of the most incredible
responses we are meant to do.
And just from my own experience,sometimes I am able to climb out of
shutdown, like in a force myself todo it kind of way, because you know,
(27:23):
life and all the responsibilities.
Where sometimes I climb out ofshutdown very, very, extremely slowly.
And there are times when I havebeen in shutdown for years.
There isn't one clear answer ofhow to solve it or get out of it.
If any of these words feel safe, pleasetake whatever you feel is right for you.
Patience, love, rest.
(27:44):
Take as much time as you need.
Reach out to someone you trustor seek help when you feel ready.
Let the world be whileyou let yourself be.
And that is totally okay.
Anne number two, that was incredible.
I'm gonna leave it at that.
I have nothing to add to that.
Karyn had a little bit more of herown personal context I wanted to
share that, you know, maybe peoplecould relate to, and I think it's
a really good example of Shutdown.
(28:05):
Karyn says, How rare it isfor anybody to know about it.
You can't tell most people,"Oh, I'm in shutdown right now."
Recently, I did a group mushroom ceremony.
I was with six women I've known for 10plus years, and we had a guide we paid.
I told the guide aboutmy rough MDMA experience.
For the mushroom journey, I criedfor most of the three hours.
(28:27):
It was very painful.
I kept trying to pullmyself out of the sadness.
That level of crying isdysregulating for me.
It was not cathartic in that context.
I felt shame because I kept crying, andI couldn't have the expansive loving
experience I had held for my intention.
The guide would not acknowledgethat I'd had a bad trip.
She kept telling me the positive.
(28:49):
The next morning, I tried to spin itas well as I could when we had the
integration session together as a group.
The guide went into this weirdquestioning with me and kept
trying to make me see the positive.
And I told her that I was inshutdown and was unable to
find the positive or feel it.
She just kept pushing and pushing.
(29:11):
It was like she had toshow the group her skills.
And I got to the point where I told herI wanted to be downstairs under my bed.
She kept at it, and my being somehowgot very stubborn and a little angry.
So then I said, I was just goingto ---- myself when my money runs out.
I still can't believe I said that.
(29:33):
It's only a tiny bit true.
I'm much more resourced emotionallythan that makes me sound.
That was a classic shutdown statement.
But the morning after mushrooms,one is not one's usual self.
I described shutdown repeatedly,thinking she'd eventually
get it, but she never did.
She was obsessed with how I needed todrop my limiting beliefs, and I'd be fine.
(29:58):
I processed this experience with awise integration therapist who told
me never to do psychedelic therapyin a group setting, or at least
not until I'm much more integrated.
She also said that guide was probablyonly experienced with run of the mill
trauma and not the kind of traumathat my body is working through.
(30:18):
I hope you can see theshutdown in the story.
It shows up and most people don'tknow what they are seeing, and yet
I'm pretty sure everyone in thatmushroom ceremony has been in shutdown.
They just didn't know it, andperhaps they don't get stuck.
And healing professionals who thinkthey know healing, well, in my view,
they all need Polyvagal Theory training.
(30:41):
Yes, Karyn, I completely agree, andI appreciate you sharing that really
descriptive experience of shutdown.
So even if someone isn't going througha mushroom ceremony, I think what
you described is extremely relatable.
The idea of, well, if you just stopthinking that way, if you just stop
feeling that way, well, if you just changeyour behaviors, Like, okay, but well, how?
(31:02):
How do I, how do we do that?
How do we do that without rejectingwho we are and how we feel?
Because I think it's important, I think,to compassionately notice, normalize,
and even permit how we feel is, isimportant very important and necessary
for the process of self regulation.
So if we just say, well,think differently, feel
(31:23):
differently, act differently.
Um, that's nice.
It's a nice idea, but it'salso kind of ridiculous.
All right.
So then Karyn goes on to say for you,your listener, another thought for you.
She says, The first step is to notice.
Then, sit with it for a bit andnotice what is happening, which
is usually the lack of what canbe noticed, but this is important.
(31:47):
So I get to the point of, oh, here I am inshutdown, and I'm grateful I've seen this.
Then, I make a list of what I cando to start the process of shifting.
Journaling, somatic practice to bein my body, maybe some music and
movement, running my hands up and downmy arms and or legs, touching my face.
Be patient and gentle.
Karen says.
(32:08):
Those are really good ideas.
And Karyn, those areawesome that it's from you.
It's what your body wants.
It's telling you this is what I need.
And so you act on it.
That's perfect.
That is beautiful.
And Dear Listener, I wouldinvite you to do the same.
I don't know if running your hands upand down your body is good for you.
I'm not here to give a prescription likejust do this thing and you'll feel better.
That's not the point.
(32:29):
If you can permeate yourself tofeel the way you feel, your body
will tell you what it needs.
Eventually, if you could listendeep enough, Cindy J says, who's
been in shutdown the past yearsays, Be patient with yourself and
don't be afraid to ask for help.
Love it, and maybe even asking forhelp is if that's too much, you
know, like listening to somethinglike this, listening to trusted
sources, um, maybe that's thefirst step toward asking for help.
(32:52):
If you can do this, then is there someonein your life or even a professional that
you can work with and ask for help ina way that feels comfortable for you?
Robert, who's been in shutdown oneto three years says to you, dear
listener, he says, I feel you.
It is going to be okay.
Yes, it sucks, but hell, let'skeep going and figure or not
(33:13):
figure this out together.
I love that Robert, that message oflike togetherness, and there's even a
little bit of fight activation in there.
It's like yeah, it sucks, butwhat the heck, let's do it.
There's some motivation there, I love it.
Nanna, who has been shut down withinthe past year, says, This too will pass.
But you must be curious to understandyourself and show self compassion.
(33:34):
Digging in harder doesn'tgive you the path out of this.
Your body is not the enemyand your mind is not the boss.
You must connect the two and be curiousto know who you are and believe you can
heal with authentic connection in time.
That is very wise, Nanna.
so much for that.
Dee, who has been in shutdown one to threeyears, also says, This too shall pass.
(33:57):
Put one foot in front of the otherand allow yourself to make small
shifts, small wins, no judgment,only compassionate inquiry.
Gradually things will change.
Ellen, who's been in shutdown 31 to 40years, says, Even if it completely feels
like you are all alone, you are not.
Please, please do not give up.
Please be extremely kind to yourself.
(34:19):
This is part of the human experience.
I know it is so tough.
Please do not make it harder for yourself.
Linda, who's been in shutdown 50plus years, says, You're not alone.
There is help out there and finallythere is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Polyvagal Theory has beenthe life saving rescue for me.
(34:41):
I've actually had glimpses of being ableto think clearly and not being afraid.
Soon I hope the glimpses willcome together more and I can
live peacefully and enjoy mylife and not be afraid anymore.
Just try it because it bringstremendous relief even with only
the small glimpses at first.
But you will feel yourself trying tocome alive and that causes you to keep
(35:05):
trying to get into ventral vagal safetyto finally start feeling free of the
drudge, confusion, and fear you feel now.
Thank you so much, Linda.
Yeah, those small moments.
They go a long way.
Don't give up.
Do the small moments.
Sharon simply says, Your body istelling you to lower your stimulation.
Listen and get soothed.
(35:26):
You are worth it.
Sz says, I understand what'skeeping you in the state.
I would like you to become consciousof this state of yours and accept it.
There were things in life thatmoved you down the Polyvagal ladder.
Be self compassionate.
There is nothing wrong with shutting down.
It's your system signaling youthat "I can't take anymore."
(35:47):
I, I completely agree with SZ here.
The only thing I'll tweak here isthat I think when SZ says, "accept"
it, the way I understand this, theway I'm reading it is, that doesn't
mean you have to be okay with it.
"Accept it" means, uh,validate it, recognize it.
Maybe normalize it, and actuallythat's what SZ says here, is that it's
not random, it's there for a reason.
(36:09):
Um, and it's your body saying,"I can't take anymore."
So accept, accept means, in thiscontext I'm hearing it as, "accept"
means validate, normalize, andeven give it permission to be.
Jessica, who has been in shutdown,it looks like between one to
thirty years, maybe there's beena few different bouts of it.
(36:30):
Jessica says, All I say to peoplein shutdown is that shutdown sucks.
And it does get so, so, so much better.
There is more to life than what youin shutdown have been experiencing.
I spent 28 to 29 years being disconnected,dissociated slash in shutdown.
(36:50):
And I can personally say through myexperience that going from shutdown,
experiencing safety is, is very difficult.
And for me, it is not fun.
And it is filled with steps backwardsand weird curves on the road to recovery.
But even though it is themost difficult thing I have
ever and will ever experience.
I would encourage every person who isstuck in shutdown, specifically those
(37:13):
who are stuck, to just keep trying.
Keep moving through life becausegetting out of shutdown is 100 percent
WORTH IT -experiencing safety andexperiencing connection with people.
Oh my gosh, I can't even come upwith the words to describe how
magnificent these things are.
Work through shutdown at yourown pace, but you can do it.
(37:35):
It is possible, and it is worth it.
Thank you, Jessica.
I would definitely takeJessica's advice here.
I'm not hearing Jessica say that it's amagic pill and that you're gonna be fixed
overnight with, well, a magic pill orsome hack, some vagal nerve stimulation.
It sounds like it's a process.
It's a process of slowresults with small efforts.
(37:55):
And that's a hell of alot better than nothing.
Uh, but that's pretty normal.
That's pretty normal.
And if you could do those littlethings every day, it goes a long way.
I know I keep saying that, but it's true.
Suzie, who's been in shutdown the pastyear, says, Someone once told me, when
you're going through hell, keep going.
Movement's important even ifit is a cup of water to your
lips and bread to your mouth.
(38:16):
I love this.
This is so good.
Susie, thank you for this.
The going through hell keep going.
Yeah, like why stay in hell?
You got at least make small stepsforward and those small steps might
be drink a little bit of water, eata little bit of bread, just take care
of your basic foundational pieces.
But those little movements of,you know, your hand to your mouth,
(38:38):
it's, doesn't seem like much, andI guess not, but it's better than
laying and sleeping or oversleeping.
I would say it's better than that.
I think it's better than swipingwith your thumb on your phone
hour after hour after hour.
So if you can take care of yourself anddo small movements that might even be just
(38:58):
sitting quietly for two minutes and usingyour eyes to reorient to the environment
and seeing where your eyes take you.
Like that's a small It's a tiny movementjust eyes, but you know, it's you're
reconnecting to the environment.
I think it's better than not doing that.
I think it's better than laying inbed in the dark and shaming yourself.
(39:24):
That's it.
That that is the end of the ShutdownExperiences Survey results I hope
you've enjoyed this series and Ihope you've gotten a lot out of it.
I hope you feel more normal Ihope you feel more validated.
I hope you feel more seen eventhough these are strangers
going through me, you know?
That was kind of the goal with all thiswas How can I help my listeners who
(39:45):
are in shutdown and knows a lot of you?
How can I help you feel more seen andmore normalized, more validated without
telling you that you're valid and normal,that your feelings are valid and normal.
How can I help connectyou with other people?
And that's, this is what I came up with.
And I hope that you got a lot out of this.
The other question I asked herethat I didn't go into is what
could be better about the feedback?
(40:05):
And I just, or about the survey,the feedback I got from that.
I got some really good ideas.
So I just want to thank thepeople who gave me those.
Um, and I also got some really,it was interesting that people
said they got a lot out of doingthe survey in and of itself.
Like, just thinking about this stuff,and thinking about their life, and
(40:28):
taking the time to respond, and takingthe time to respond knowing that.
I was going to share these results.
Like it just did something for them.
They said, like, they were gratefulfor the opportunity to reflect on
their life, but also grateful for theopportunity to give to someone else.
Like, that's pretty fricking amazing.
For someone who's in shutdown to do that.
(40:51):
That's, I don't know.
It's awesome.
Thank you for, on my behalf,but also for the listeners.
Thank you for the people whotook the time to do this.
There was a couple of people whosaid, who started the survey and
we're completing it and answering it.
And by the end, they said, I don'thave the energy for this anymore.
I'm done.
And they, they, I believe, just Iassume just like copy pasted, "I
don't have the energy for this."
And I appreciate you doing that.
(41:12):
Someone from the outside who doesn'thave our language and the way we
understand polyvagal theory, theywould say, well, this person's lazy.
I see this person.
They showed up.
They started it.
They were answering the questionsand they recognize that it's not
because they don't want to, theywanted to, they finished the survey.
They just didn't have theenergy to further reflect.
(41:32):
They didn't have the energy to further becompassionate for other people, perhaps.
And that's kind of sad, butalso like it is what it is.
And I am so grateful, and I think you'relistening, I'm assuming you are as well.
I am so grateful they showed upand did what they could, like
they gave the energy they could.
And then that was it.
And we have what they gaveus, and thank you for that.
Thank you for those people that startedit, and finished it, but just didn't
(41:56):
have the energy to finish it in theway that they originally wanted.
There were some really kind wordsfor me; I'll keep those for myself.
And I want you to know, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that my podcast and myfree content, the blog and the books.
I appreciate, I'm glad that thesehave been impactful for you.
That is unbelievably fueling for me to,to read those things and to know that the
(42:21):
stuff I put out there is touching somebodyelse in a way that's beneficial for them.
It, it's fuel.
Like it, it just, it fills me up and Iappreciate that and, um, you're welcome.
And thank you for, thank you forsharing that, but also you're
welcome for, uh, for my efforts.
I do plan on doing another survey of this.
(42:41):
I'm going to have it bemore comprehensive though.
Some people said, hey, I want to talkto you about my, or I want to share
about my freeze, my freeze experiences.
What about this?
What about that?
So, um, I will release in thefuture a more comprehensive survey.
It's probably gonna be prettyexhausting in all honesty.
Um, but I don't, I don't know.
I'm just, I'm just playing around withthe idea in my head, but I want to
(43:03):
hear about people's experiences withFreeze, with intimacy, with stillness
with play with flight fight like allthe polyvagal states and mixed states.
So we'll see how that comesout - that's that's very much
in the back burner right now.
I I just released Book Two StuckNot Broken Book Two I'm gonna get
going on stuck not broken bookthree and revising what I have.
(43:26):
It's pretty much already done, butI'll probably spend a couple months
just revising, adding, taking away,just doing a deeper editing process.
On top of that, I'mworking on my next cohort.
I have Shut down to Stillness.
Which, uh, is for people inshutdown to access more safety and
to combine those into stillness.
Now I am working diligently on Stillnessto Sympathetic, which is for people
(43:50):
who have access stillness, and noware ready for more mobilization.
I'm calling it shutdown is, uh,no Stillness to Sympathetic.
I'm still working on thetitle, but that's, I'm leaning
toward that at this moment.
Stillness to Sympathetic, um, the cohorts,the courses, all that stuff is available
in the Total Access Membership, that'sthe courses, the private community,
(44:12):
the live cohorts, the live Q andA's, the meditations I'm adding to.
I have a few of those in there now,just me recording meditations for you.
Uh, there's a lot there inthe Total Access Membership.
So.
If you like this, you're going tofricking love the Total Access Membership.
It's a pretty darn comprehensive.
Let me know if you have a question.
Um, there'll be a link in the descriptionfor how to learn more about that, but put
(44:35):
a question in the comments on YouTube and,um, or email me Justin at Justin LMFT.
com.
And I'll, I'll address whatever you needas far as the Total Access Membership
it goes or whatever else, just emailme and, or message me and leave a
comment and I'll respond to what I can.
That's it.
Thank you for hanging out with me in thisepisode, but also this entire series.
Uh, I'll stop talking.
(44:56):
Bye.
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