December 5, 2025 • 25 mins
Ever notice how hard you grip outcomes when you’re nervous—then watch everything slip anyway? We dig into a counterintuitive truth that changed our lives: releasing control doesn’t make you careless, it makes you effective. From sobriety to sales calls, first dates to job interviews, we connect the dots between patience, presence, and authenticity—and why expectations so often become premeditated resentments.
We unpack the early myth of instant transformation in recovery and replace it with practical tools: sit with discomfort, practice consistently, and let time compound. Then we map those lessons to high-pressure moments at work. After a tough call, we walk through a fast reset: debrief the objections, reframe the story, ask for help if you need it, and step into the next conversation clean. You’ll hear how a simple shift from outcome-chasing to service-first—What does this person need right now?—boosts trust, surfaces real blockers, and prevents you from carrying one loss into your next opportunity.
Honesty sits at the center of all of it. We talk about shedding masks, staying the same person on and off the mic, and why misalignment breeds anxiety and churn in business and relationships. Not every prospect is your customer, not every match is your partner, and that’s okay. When you respect fit, follow a sound process, and stay present, decisions come easier—and results often improve without the pressure. We close with gratitude for this community and a reminder that asking for help is not a failure of willpower but a pathway to connection and growth.
If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review—what outcome are you letting go of this week?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
CoreyBerrier (02:01):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, I'm recordingthis on Sunday because we're
getting ready to fly out toOrlando for a few days to check
out climate experts and see whatthey've got going on down
there.
I'm pretty excited to get tosee Derek, who's been a friend
(02:22):
of mine, I guess, for aboutthree years now or so.
And um, so I'm kind of gettinga jump on the podcast just in
case something happens.
I have to stay longer for somereason.
So uh hope everybody is havinguh a great week.
You know, I got to thinkingabout what I was gonna talk
(02:43):
about today, and you know, Ithink uh when it comes to you
know, when it comes to gettingsober, one of the biggest things
that I had to learn is lettinggo of control, letting go of
(03:05):
control of outcomes, letting goof expectations and being
patient.
And I think this translatesinto every part of my life, you
know, whether it's you're on asales call, um, if you go into a
(03:26):
sales call and you haveexpectations, you might get let
down.
And uh you can have goals witha conversation, whether it be in
sales or whether it be you'regoing on a date, or whether that
be you're trying to convinceyour wife or girlfriend or
boyfriend to do something thatyou want them to do.
(03:49):
Um, but but reducingexpectations down to not having
expectations, I think is beenone of the biggest things that
I've learned in sobriety becausehere's the thing when I got
sober this time, which has been,I don't know, two years and
seven months or eight months,something like that, you know, I
(04:14):
expected things to changequickly.
Right?
I expected things almost likeit was you know, almost like
almost like, well, you know, ifit gets sober now, then
everything's gonna change and mylife is gonna be, you know,
everything's gonna be perfect.
(04:36):
Well, that's just not how itgoes.
Um but putting in the work anduh going through the steps,
being patient, sitting indiscomfort, getting getting
comfortable with beinguncomfortable has made my life
(05:02):
significantly easier.
You know, uh when you haveexpectations, what we say in
recovery is those arepremeditated resentments.
So, as an example, if you go ona date and you expect it to
turn out wonderful, that you'regonna kiss at the end and you're
(05:26):
gonna exchange numbers.
Well, I guess you probablyalready have numbers, you're
gonna sit set another date up,you're pre-planning to be upset
if those things don't happen.
Now, what if what if you justhave no expectations about that
date?
(05:46):
What if you have noexpectations about a job
interview?
What if you have noexpectations of how your spouse
is gonna act or how they'regonna react?
And you just kind of let thingssettle, right?
You just kind of let things gowith the flow.
(06:09):
I tell you what, it reallyhelps with significantly is not
feeling like you have to controlthe outcome.
And you know, it's a slipperyslope between you know
controlling an outcome and beingresponsible, right?
(06:30):
You you've got to put yourfirst your best foot forward to
get the outcome that you'relooking for.
But for me, then I gotta takemy foot off the gas, and I've
got to let God take control.
And you know, asking for that,you know, saying a little prayer
(06:54):
before you have to go dosomething that maybe you're
nervous about, or maybe you aregoing into, let's just say that
you just got your teeth kickedin, you thought this sale,
because you had expectations,you thought this customer was
gonna buy this $20,000 systemfrom you.
And they busted you with everyobjection that you couldn't
(07:18):
answer.
And you're anxious because thesale is not gonna go through,
but you still got to finish outtalking to this customer, and
you should, because you neverknow, they may change their
mind, or maybe you just have toanswer a couple of more
questions.
But let's just say you don'tget to that, and at the end of
it, they decide they're gonnacall another company and get a
(07:40):
different estimate, which is theworst thing to hear because you
feel like a failure, you feellike you didn't do a very good
job.
And I just want you to keep inmind it really has nothing to do
with you.
But now you're set up for yournext call, and your mind is
(08:00):
unless you can control your mindand you have emotional
intelligence and you cancompartmentalize that last
conversation that didn't gowell, you're gonna go into the
next next call with a negativemindset, and people will pick up
on that.
You know, you'll go into thenext date if the last one didn't
(08:24):
go well with some apprehension.
And what happens is people aregonna pick up on that
apprehension, and you're gonnanot show up a hundred percent,
and that's not really fair toyou, and it's not really fair to
the customer, and it's notreally fair to the date, it's
(08:46):
not fair to the company you workfor, but ultimately it's not
fair to you.
So, how do you get past a roughcall if you're in sales?
How do you get past that beforeyou go to the next call?
Well, what I do is, you know, II have to put myself in the
(09:09):
other person's shoes.
And I gotta figure, I gottathink, well, maybe, you know,
maybe they just weren't ready tomake a decision.
Maybe I didn't answer aquestion.
Let me think about thequestions they ask me.
How could I have answered themdifferently as you're driving to
your next call?
And then ask for help.
You know, if you are spiritual,ask your, you know, ask
(09:32):
whatever you believe in for alittle bit of help with your
communication in that nextconversation.
And and ask for, you know, askto not show up the same way you
did at the last one.
And again, this is not aboutyou beating yourself up, which
is typically what happens whenthings don't go well.
(09:55):
We beat ourselves up, we thinkwe're less than, we think we
could have done better, we thinkwe could have done this thing
different, and those thingscould be the case, but you can't
dwell on those things.
And recovery's taught me thatbecause you know, when I have a
(10:15):
sponsee that I'm working with,and I make a suggestion to that
sponsee, and they don't do it,it doesn't affect me.
It doesn't affect mewhatsoever.
Um, they don't have to take mysuggestions.
My suggestions come from myexperience, and and uh, you
(10:41):
know, maybe that's not what theywanted to do, or maybe they're
not ready to hear that.
Just like the customer may notbe ready to make a decision on
moving forward.
Now, if you're a goodsalesperson, you'll figure out
what the holdup is.
You'll spend enough time withthat customer to find out why
(11:01):
they're not moving forward withyou.
If you ran the process, like ifyou you're if you're a next r
company and you run for thepeople in the trades, next are
uh is a company that's got aprocess that's outstanding.
I mean, it's better than anyprocess that I know of.
(11:22):
And if you run that process theway you're supposed to run it,
then you know that you showed upa hundred percent, right?
Listen, be kind.
And that's kind of what you gotto do with a lot of people,
right?
If you think about, um, we'llgo back to the date situation.
Your process may be that youdon't shut up talking, and that
(11:47):
person doesn't really want tohear you talking anymore.
Now, now your process would bebetter if you ask engaging
questions and listen to theiranswers.
Because, like I mentioned inthe last podcast, whether you're
in a sales environment, whetheryou're me working with the
sponsee, whether it be I'm on adate, whether it be I'm talking
(12:10):
to my dad, whoever, my goal isto listen and to ask good
questions and to be engaged withthem right then and there.
Because if I'm thinking aboutwhat I've got to do 30 minutes
from now, I can't be presentwith you.
And if you're thinking aboutthat next cell that you're going
(12:31):
to, that next customer, you'regoing to, you can't be present
with that current customer.
And it's crazy to me that youwould burn a call because you're
thinking about the next person.
Now, a lot of companies won'teven send you that next call
until you complete the last one,and that's why they do that,
because they don't want yourushing through the call.
(12:52):
You don't want to rush througha date.
Now, think about this.
If you're taking a beautifulwoman on a date, you don't want
to rush that.
And you probably won't rush itbecause you're enjoying your
time.
Now, if you get matched up withsomebody on one of these apps
and they suck, that might be adifferent story.
You know, that's when you alsohave to be true to yourself.
(13:13):
And if you've got a customerthat's just not your customer,
you've got to recognize that anduh politely move on.
Because as I said in the lastpodcast, not everybody is your
customer, not every girl isgonna be the next person you're
gonna marry, and so you can't gointo these conversations
thinking that way.
Not every sponsee is gonna staysober, not every sponsee is
(13:36):
gonna be honest, and that'sokay, you know, as long as I
show up genuinely with an honestintention, then I've done my
part, and you know, if you getnervous on that day or you get
(14:03):
nervous on that sales call, it'sprobably because you're not
showing up authentically, andthis is something I've had to
work on because for years Ididn't love who I was, you know,
that's why I drank and druggedbecause I was running from the
person that I was, I didn'treally want to see that person
(14:23):
because I didn't value myself,and I've changed that, and you
can change it as well, and uhsometimes it's uncomfortable to
value yourself, but as you do itand build that muscle like you
(14:46):
would in the gym, thatrepetition, you'll find your
life will go a lot smoother.
You'll find that being moreauthentic is what people really
(15:38):
want.
And you know, I've been doingthis podcast now for six years,
and I haven't always beenauthentic on it.
That's just the God's honesttruth.
There have been many timeswhere you know I get on here and
I get riled up and I startspouting out a bunch of junk,
and I go back, go back andlisten to it, and I'm like,
(16:01):
well, what was that?
And so, you know, practicedoesn't necessarily make
perfect, but it'll make youbetter.
And getting repetitions inmakes you better, but you've got
to reflect on your actionsafter you have an encounter,
whether it's a good encounter,whether it's a bad encounter,
(16:23):
what did I do right?
What could I have done better?
And then you move on.
Because it doesn't help you inyour mindset if you beat the
crap out of yourself.
It doesn't help your familywhen you're in a place that is
(16:46):
you know less than a hundredpercent.
And like people just want toknow who you are, they don't
really care about all thethings, right?
I could get on here and tellyou all the things that I've
done, but people don't careabout that.
You know, it's not that I don'tthink they're important and
they're valuable because theyare, but at the end of the day,
(17:10):
I believe people just wantauthenticity, genuine
authenticity.
And it may take some work tofind that for you, because it's
taken some work to find that forme.
Because I haven't, like I said,I haven't always been that way.
And uh I found that when I'mmore authentic, people are more
(17:41):
receptive to that.
You know, people can seethrough the masks and they can
tell that something's not quiteright.
And at this stage in my life,I'm not interested in that.
I'm interested in what you seeis what you get, you know, and I
(18:01):
don't mean that in like anego-centric way.
I just mean if I'm the sameperson here with you as I am 30
minutes after this is done, thenI don't have to worry about
changing or a day from now.
I'm just gonna be me, and youcan just be you.
You know, people really enjoythat.
(18:22):
And if you're in a sales role,it's vitally important that
you're authentic.
Because people can smell whenyou're not being truthful.
And the same way with a date,the same way with interactions
with other people, you know, ifyou've got a mask on on the
(18:48):
first date, and their giftbecomes a second, third, fifth,
tenth, eventually those masksare gonna fade, and then it's
gonna be the real person, andthat may not be what they signed
up for.
They may not have signed up forthe real person.
So why would you go through allthat just to maybe get your
heart broken or go through a jobinterview and not be honest?
(19:12):
Because eventually that's gonnacome out, and that can be the
same on the employer side, youknow.
Uh if an employer tells you howgreat things are and how things
are the you know, systems andprocesses are in place, and then
they're not, well, you're notgonna enjoy working there.
(19:36):
And that company's probably notgonna be successful if that's
the case.
And I've worked for companieslike that.
I'm certainly not gonna nameany names, but people don't
stick around for thosecompanies, they leave, you know,
because that's not what theysigned up for.
(19:56):
They signed up for the thingsthat you told them were
happening, and when those thingsdon't happen, it makes people
want to leave your organization,or it makes the girlfriend want
to leave the relationship if itbecomes one.
It makes um people in your lifenot really want to be around
(20:17):
you if you can't be honest, andum, you know, it's uh and
sobriety's given me that abilitybecause there's certain things
that you have to do while you'regetting sober or that you're
(20:38):
you should be doing, I guess.
I shouldn't even say youshould, it's what I did.
Um I took suggestions and Ilistened, and I reached out and
asked for help.
And let me tell you, you know,asking for help is one of the
hardest things that you can haveto do.
(21:00):
You know, when you're firstcoming in to recovery, you feel
less than, you feel like aloser, you feel like you
shouldn't be there.
You know, and the last thingyou want to do is ask for help
because you don't feel likeyou're worth it.
But I can tell you, myexperience with getting sober
and being in recovery haschanged the way I think about
(21:26):
these things.
It's changed my mindset to seethat I am valuable and that
people do want to be around thereal person, the real me.
And so I've talked about youknow, fear of rejection and
imposter syndrome recentlybecause you know those things
(21:51):
will hold you back, and and it'sreally just in your mind,
right?
People are not necessarilyperceiving you as you perceive
you again.
You know, we think that we'renot good enough to be in the
situation we're in, so thereforewe could sabotage that
(22:12):
situation.
And early on in sobriety,believe me, people do, and
that's why they go back out.
And this is so important thatyou know, if you are in
recovery, you reach out tosomeone and you ask for help.
And uh the same thing as itwould be if you're in you know
(22:38):
your business environment orwhatever that might be, you
know, asking for help.
It uh it unlocks people'sheart, you know, it g allows
other people to be of service toyou.
(22:59):
Just like when a sponsee callsme for help, I have an
opportunity to be of service tothem, and then it allows me at
that moment not to think aboutme as much, but think about them
and what their needs are andhow I can share my experience,
strength, and hope with them sothey can recover because I want
(23:25):
people to recover.
That doesn't mean I've got anexpectation because I certainly
don't at this stage, it's not mydecision.
But what I can do is be ofservice when needed, and it's
the same thing with a job, it'sthe same thing with a
girlfriend, same thing withwhatever.
You know, it's how can youcontribute to that person's
(23:48):
life?
How can you make their livesbetter?
How can you make that businessbetter?
How can you show up as an assetto these situations?
And um look, you'll feel betterabout yourself.
(24:09):
You know, service first is theway I think about things, and
what I mean by that is how can Ibe of service instead of what
can I get out of this?
How can I be of service to you?
And that's why I like doingthis podcast because hopefully
I'm being of service whileyou're listening to this,
(24:30):
because that's my goal here isto help you in any way that I
can.
And uh sometimes it may helpand sometimes it may not, but
I'm really, really thankful thatyou tune in every week.
And uh I'm hoping thatsomething I've said resonates
with you.
That's how that's my goal here.
(24:52):
Um, you know, I do this podcastbecause I really enjoy it.
I really enjoy talking with youevery week.
And uh it gives me an outlet toshare things like today.
And I know I've packed a lotinto this conversation, but
look, go back and listen to it.
I appreciate you listening.
(25:13):
This will come out Friday, 4a.m.
You've probably already dialedin.
And listen, I appreciate all ofyou for listening.
I'm very grateful for everysingle listener that supports
this podcast.
So grateful for it.
Because without you, thispodcast wouldn't be here.
You know, and if you wouldshare this with somebody that
(25:36):
you think might need it, and uhmaybe you can be of service to
them by sharing this podcast.
Appreciate you guys, and we'llsee you soon.
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, I'm recordingthis on Sunday because we're
getting ready to fly out toOrlando for a few days to check
out climate experts and see whatthey've got going on down
there.
I'm pretty excited to get tosee Derek, who's been a friend
(02:22):
of mine, I guess, for aboutthree years now or so.
And um, so I'm kind of gettinga jump on the podcast just in
case something happens.
I have to stay longer for somereason.
So uh hope everybody is havinguh a great week.
You know, I got to thinkingabout what I was gonna talk
(02:43):
about today, and you know, Ithink uh when it comes to you
know, when it comes to gettingsober, one of the biggest things
that I had to learn is lettinggo of control, letting go of
(03:05):
control of outcomes, letting goof expectations and being
patient.
And I think this translatesinto every part of my life, you
know, whether it's you're on asales call, um, if you go into a
(03:26):
sales call and you haveexpectations, you might get let
down.
And uh you can have goals witha conversation, whether it be in
sales or whether it be you'regoing on a date, or whether that
be you're trying to convinceyour wife or girlfriend or
boyfriend to do something thatyou want them to do.
(03:49):
Um, but but reducingexpectations down to not having
expectations, I think is beenone of the biggest things that
I've learned in sobriety becausehere's the thing when I got
sober this time, which has been,I don't know, two years and
seven months or eight months,something like that, you know, I
(04:14):
expected things to changequickly.
Right?
I expected things almost likeit was you know, almost like
almost like, well, you know, ifit gets sober now, then
everything's gonna change and mylife is gonna be, you know,
everything's gonna be perfect.
(04:36):
Well, that's just not how itgoes.
Um but putting in the work anduh going through the steps,
being patient, sitting indiscomfort, getting getting
comfortable with beinguncomfortable has made my life
(05:02):
significantly easier.
You know, uh when you haveexpectations, what we say in
recovery is those arepremeditated resentments.
So, as an example, if you go ona date and you expect it to
turn out wonderful, that you'regonna kiss at the end and you're
(05:26):
gonna exchange numbers.
Well, I guess you probablyalready have numbers, you're
gonna sit set another date up,you're pre-planning to be upset
if those things don't happen.
Now, what if what if you justhave no expectations about that
date?
(05:46):
What if you have noexpectations about a job
interview?
What if you have noexpectations of how your spouse
is gonna act or how they'regonna react?
And you just kind of let thingssettle, right?
You just kind of let things gowith the flow.
(06:09):
I tell you what, it reallyhelps with significantly is not
feeling like you have to controlthe outcome.
And you know, it's a slipperyslope between you know
controlling an outcome and beingresponsible, right?
(06:30):
You you've got to put yourfirst your best foot forward to
get the outcome that you'relooking for.
But for me, then I gotta takemy foot off the gas, and I've
got to let God take control.
And you know, asking for that,you know, saying a little prayer
(06:54):
before you have to go dosomething that maybe you're
nervous about, or maybe you aregoing into, let's just say that
you just got your teeth kickedin, you thought this sale,
because you had expectations,you thought this customer was
gonna buy this $20,000 systemfrom you.
And they busted you with everyobjection that you couldn't
(07:18):
answer.
And you're anxious because thesale is not gonna go through,
but you still got to finish outtalking to this customer, and
you should, because you neverknow, they may change their
mind, or maybe you just have toanswer a couple of more
questions.
But let's just say you don'tget to that, and at the end of
it, they decide they're gonnacall another company and get a
(07:40):
different estimate, which is theworst thing to hear because you
feel like a failure, you feellike you didn't do a very good
job.
And I just want you to keep inmind it really has nothing to do
with you.
But now you're set up for yournext call, and your mind is
(08:00):
unless you can control your mindand you have emotional
intelligence and you cancompartmentalize that last
conversation that didn't gowell, you're gonna go into the
next next call with a negativemindset, and people will pick up
on that.
You know, you'll go into thenext date if the last one didn't
(08:24):
go well with some apprehension.
And what happens is people aregonna pick up on that
apprehension, and you're gonnanot show up a hundred percent,
and that's not really fair toyou, and it's not really fair to
the customer, and it's notreally fair to the date, it's
(08:46):
not fair to the company you workfor, but ultimately it's not
fair to you.
So, how do you get past a roughcall if you're in sales?
How do you get past that beforeyou go to the next call?
Well, what I do is, you know, II have to put myself in the
(09:09):
other person's shoes.
And I gotta figure, I gottathink, well, maybe, you know,
maybe they just weren't ready tomake a decision.
Maybe I didn't answer aquestion.
Let me think about thequestions they ask me.
How could I have answered themdifferently as you're driving to
your next call?
And then ask for help.
You know, if you are spiritual,ask your, you know, ask
(09:32):
whatever you believe in for alittle bit of help with your
communication in that nextconversation.
And and ask for, you know, askto not show up the same way you
did at the last one.
And again, this is not aboutyou beating yourself up, which
is typically what happens whenthings don't go well.
(09:55):
We beat ourselves up, we thinkwe're less than, we think we
could have done better, we thinkwe could have done this thing
different, and those thingscould be the case, but you can't
dwell on those things.
And recovery's taught me thatbecause you know, when I have a
(10:15):
sponsee that I'm working with,and I make a suggestion to that
sponsee, and they don't do it,it doesn't affect me.
It doesn't affect mewhatsoever.
Um, they don't have to take mysuggestions.
My suggestions come from myexperience, and and uh, you
(10:41):
know, maybe that's not what theywanted to do, or maybe they're
not ready to hear that.
Just like the customer may notbe ready to make a decision on
moving forward.
Now, if you're a goodsalesperson, you'll figure out
what the holdup is.
You'll spend enough time withthat customer to find out why
(11:01):
they're not moving forward withyou.
If you ran the process, like ifyou you're if you're a next r
company and you run for thepeople in the trades, next are
uh is a company that's got aprocess that's outstanding.
I mean, it's better than anyprocess that I know of.
(11:22):
And if you run that process theway you're supposed to run it,
then you know that you showed upa hundred percent, right?
Listen, be kind.
And that's kind of what you gotto do with a lot of people,
right?
If you think about, um, we'llgo back to the date situation.
Your process may be that youdon't shut up talking, and that
(11:47):
person doesn't really want tohear you talking anymore.
Now, now your process would bebetter if you ask engaging
questions and listen to theiranswers.
Because, like I mentioned inthe last podcast, whether you're
in a sales environment, whetheryou're me working with the
sponsee, whether it be I'm on adate, whether it be I'm talking
(12:10):
to my dad, whoever, my goal isto listen and to ask good
questions and to be engaged withthem right then and there.
Because if I'm thinking aboutwhat I've got to do 30 minutes
from now, I can't be presentwith you.
And if you're thinking aboutthat next cell that you're going
(12:31):
to, that next customer, you'regoing to, you can't be present
with that current customer.
And it's crazy to me that youwould burn a call because you're
thinking about the next person.
Now, a lot of companies won'teven send you that next call
until you complete the last one,and that's why they do that,
because they don't want yourushing through the call.
(12:52):
You don't want to rush througha date.
Now, think about this.
If you're taking a beautifulwoman on a date, you don't want
to rush that.
And you probably won't rush itbecause you're enjoying your
time.
Now, if you get matched up withsomebody on one of these apps
and they suck, that might be adifferent story.
You know, that's when you alsohave to be true to yourself.
(13:13):
And if you've got a customerthat's just not your customer,
you've got to recognize that anduh politely move on.
Because as I said in the lastpodcast, not everybody is your
customer, not every girl isgonna be the next person you're
gonna marry, and so you can't gointo these conversations
thinking that way.
Not every sponsee is gonna staysober, not every sponsee is
(13:36):
gonna be honest, and that'sokay, you know, as long as I
show up genuinely with an honestintention, then I've done my
part, and you know, if you getnervous on that day or you get
(14:03):
nervous on that sales call, it'sprobably because you're not
showing up authentically, andthis is something I've had to
work on because for years Ididn't love who I was, you know,
that's why I drank and druggedbecause I was running from the
person that I was, I didn'treally want to see that person
(14:23):
because I didn't value myself,and I've changed that, and you
can change it as well, and uhsometimes it's uncomfortable to
value yourself, but as you do itand build that muscle like you
(14:46):
would in the gym, thatrepetition, you'll find your
life will go a lot smoother.
You'll find that being moreauthentic is what people really
(15:38):
want.
And you know, I've been doingthis podcast now for six years,
and I haven't always beenauthentic on it.
That's just the God's honesttruth.
There have been many timeswhere you know I get on here and
I get riled up and I startspouting out a bunch of junk,
and I go back, go back andlisten to it, and I'm like,
(16:01):
well, what was that?
And so, you know, practicedoesn't necessarily make
perfect, but it'll make youbetter.
And getting repetitions inmakes you better, but you've got
to reflect on your actionsafter you have an encounter,
whether it's a good encounter,whether it's a bad encounter,
(16:23):
what did I do right?
What could I have done better?
And then you move on.
Because it doesn't help you inyour mindset if you beat the
crap out of yourself.
It doesn't help your familywhen you're in a place that is
(16:46):
you know less than a hundredpercent.
And like people just want toknow who you are, they don't
really care about all thethings, right?
I could get on here and tellyou all the things that I've
done, but people don't careabout that.
You know, it's not that I don'tthink they're important and
they're valuable because theyare, but at the end of the day,
(17:10):
I believe people just wantauthenticity, genuine
authenticity.
And it may take some work tofind that for you, because it's
taken some work to find that forme.
Because I haven't, like I said,I haven't always been that way.
And uh I found that when I'mmore authentic, people are more
(17:41):
receptive to that.
You know, people can seethrough the masks and they can
tell that something's not quiteright.
And at this stage in my life,I'm not interested in that.
I'm interested in what you seeis what you get, you know, and I
(18:01):
don't mean that in like anego-centric way.
I just mean if I'm the sameperson here with you as I am 30
minutes after this is done, thenI don't have to worry about
changing or a day from now.
I'm just gonna be me, and youcan just be you.
You know, people really enjoythat.
(18:22):
And if you're in a sales role,it's vitally important that
you're authentic.
Because people can smell whenyou're not being truthful.
And the same way with a date,the same way with interactions
with other people, you know, ifyou've got a mask on on the
(18:48):
first date, and their giftbecomes a second, third, fifth,
tenth, eventually those masksare gonna fade, and then it's
gonna be the real person, andthat may not be what they signed
up for.
They may not have signed up forthe real person.
So why would you go through allthat just to maybe get your
heart broken or go through a jobinterview and not be honest?
(19:12):
Because eventually that's gonnacome out, and that can be the
same on the employer side, youknow.
Uh if an employer tells you howgreat things are and how things
are the you know, systems andprocesses are in place, and then
they're not, well, you're notgonna enjoy working there.
(19:36):
And that company's probably notgonna be successful if that's
the case.
And I've worked for companieslike that.
I'm certainly not gonna nameany names, but people don't
stick around for thosecompanies, they leave, you know,
because that's not what theysigned up for.
(19:56):
They signed up for the thingsthat you told them were
happening, and when those thingsdon't happen, it makes people
want to leave your organization,or it makes the girlfriend want
to leave the relationship if itbecomes one.
It makes um people in your lifenot really want to be around
(20:17):
you if you can't be honest, andum, you know, it's uh and
sobriety's given me that abilitybecause there's certain things
that you have to do while you'regetting sober or that you're
(20:38):
you should be doing, I guess.
I shouldn't even say youshould, it's what I did.
Um I took suggestions and Ilistened, and I reached out and
asked for help.
And let me tell you, you know,asking for help is one of the
hardest things that you can haveto do.
(21:00):
You know, when you're firstcoming in to recovery, you feel
less than, you feel like aloser, you feel like you
shouldn't be there.
You know, and the last thingyou want to do is ask for help
because you don't feel likeyou're worth it.
But I can tell you, myexperience with getting sober
and being in recovery haschanged the way I think about
(21:26):
these things.
It's changed my mindset to seethat I am valuable and that
people do want to be around thereal person, the real me.
And so I've talked about youknow, fear of rejection and
imposter syndrome recentlybecause you know those things
(21:51):
will hold you back, and and it'sreally just in your mind,
right?
People are not necessarilyperceiving you as you perceive
you again.
You know, we think that we'renot good enough to be in the
situation we're in, so thereforewe could sabotage that
(22:12):
situation.
And early on in sobriety,believe me, people do, and
that's why they go back out.
And this is so important thatyou know, if you are in
recovery, you reach out tosomeone and you ask for help.
And uh the same thing as itwould be if you're in you know
(22:38):
your business environment orwhatever that might be, you
know, asking for help.
It uh it unlocks people'sheart, you know, it g allows
other people to be of service toyou.
(22:59):
Just like when a sponsee callsme for help, I have an
opportunity to be of service tothem, and then it allows me at
that moment not to think aboutme as much, but think about them
and what their needs are andhow I can share my experience,
strength, and hope with them sothey can recover because I want
(23:25):
people to recover.
That doesn't mean I've got anexpectation because I certainly
don't at this stage, it's not mydecision.
But what I can do is be ofservice when needed, and it's
the same thing with a job, it'sthe same thing with a
girlfriend, same thing withwhatever.
You know, it's how can youcontribute to that person's
(23:48):
life?
How can you make their livesbetter?
How can you make that businessbetter?
How can you show up as an assetto these situations?
And um look, you'll feel betterabout yourself.
(24:09):
You know, service first is theway I think about things, and
what I mean by that is how can Ibe of service instead of what
can I get out of this?
How can I be of service to you?
And that's why I like doingthis podcast because hopefully
I'm being of service whileyou're listening to this,
(24:30):
because that's my goal here isto help you in any way that I
can.
And uh sometimes it may helpand sometimes it may not, but
I'm really, really thankful thatyou tune in every week.
And uh I'm hoping thatsomething I've said resonates
with you.
That's how that's my goal here.
(24:52):
Um, you know, I do this podcastbecause I really enjoy it.
I really enjoy talking with youevery week.
And uh it gives me an outlet toshare things like today.
And I know I've packed a lotinto this conversation, but
look, go back and listen to it.
I appreciate you listening.
(25:13):
This will come out Friday, 4a.m.
You've probably already dialedin.
And listen, I appreciate all ofyou for listening.
I'm very grateful for everysingle listener that supports
this podcast.
So grateful for it.
Because without you, thispodcast wouldn't be here.
You know, and if you wouldshare this with somebody that
(25:36):
you think might need it, and uhmaybe you can be of service to
them by sharing this podcast.
Appreciate you guys, and we'llsee you soon.
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