Breaking the Chain

Send us a text

Ever wonder why you keep falling into the same relationship patterns? Or why certain childhood memories still sting decades later? The truth might be uncomfortable: you're living out scripts handed down by your parents—scripts they inherited from their parents before them.

This episode dives deep into the generational patterns that shape our lives without our permission or awareness. As your host Corey Berrier reveals his personal journey, you'll recognize how childhood experiences before age seven program your subconscious mind, creating protective masks that once saved you but now suffocate your authentic self. Whether you became the overachiever, the people-pleaser, or the tough guy, these adaptations create a fracture between who you truly are and who you believe you must be to survive.

The wake-up call comes when you notice the maddening repetition in your life—different partners but same fights, different jobs but same problems. That's not coincidence; it's your inherited script running on autopilot. But here's the empowering truth: what you inherit isn't your destiny. By making the unconscious conscious, taking responsibility without blame, and establishing daily practices that anchor you through life's storms, you can break free from these patterns. The healing journey isn't about becoming someone new—it's about becoming who you were before the masks.

Ready to put down the generational burdens you never asked to carry? Ready to hold the pen that rewrites your story? This episode offers both the compassionate understanding and practical wisdom to help you break the chain and finally live authentically. Your inherited past doesn't have to determine your future. Subscribe, leave a review, and share with someone who needs this message—because freedom begins when we recognize the chains we didn't know we were wearing.

Support the show

https://www.audible.com/pd/9-Simple-Steps-to-Sell-More-ht-Audiobook/B0D4SJYD4Q?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Steps-Sell-More-Stereotypes-ebook/dp/B0BRNSFYG6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1OSB7HX6FQMHS&keywords=corey+berrier&qid=1674232549&sprefix=%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-1

https://www.linkedin.com/in/coreysalescoach/

Episode Transcript

Corey Berrier (00:00):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
And today's episode is abouthow your parents lied to you and
you're still living theirstory.
My parents lied to me, andyours probably did too.
And not because they were badpeople.

(00:22):
You know, they didn't wake upone morning and say, let's screw
up our kids' lives.
No, they just handed down whatwas handed to them.
But here's the thing.
I believe those lies.
Lies about who I was, what Iwas worth, what I had to do to

(00:43):
be loved.
And those lies shaped the way Ilived my life for decades.
And some of those lies weren'teven words.
They were silences or looks.
They were the tension in theair when I walked into the room.
And I carried those lies intoadulthood like chains I didn't

(01:06):
even know were there.
You know, when you were a kid,especially under seven, your
brain is like a sponge.
You soak up everything.
My parents' words became mytruth.
My parents' actions became myscript.
And I played it out withoutever asking if it was true.

(01:29):
I grew up thinking, be strong,don't cry.
You don't need anybody.
And that was the lie.
And I carried that like abadge, but inside it was killing
me.
I'll never forget it.
Walking into the house, nothearing a word, but feeling

(01:50):
everything.
You know what I mean?
That tension, that uneasiness.
The walls don't have to talk.
The energy already tells thestory.
And that became normal for me.
So normal that later in life,when I felt that same tension in

(02:14):
relationships, I thought thismust be what love is like.
Familiar isn't always healthy.
You know, and as kids, we wewore masks.
We wore masks to survive theatmosphere we were in.
Hell, I built masks.

(02:35):
My masks were being in a anoverachiever.
If I could perform, if I couldprove myself, maybe I'd finally
be enough.
And for some people, it's thepleaser.
For others, it's the tough guyor disappearing into the
background.
But here's the thing thosemasks protect you as a kid, but

(03:00):
they suffocate you as an adult.
They did exactly what they knewto do.
But I had to face the truth.
They handed me broken tools.
And if I kept using them, I wasgonna keep building a broken

(03:21):
life.
And the fracture starts therebetween who I really was and who
I thought I had to be.
And unless you deal with thatfracture, you spend your whole
life bleeding out from it.
And that's why you keeprepeating the same story.

(03:43):
That's why I kept repeating thesame story.
I kept ending up in the samesituations with the new faces,
different partners, same fights,different jobs, same problems.
It wasn't the world, it was me.
But I was stuck in a pattern.
And if you're honest, you'veseen it too.
The day, the deja vu momentswhere you think, not again.

(04:08):
No, that's the script that'srunning your life.
An egomaniac with aninferiority complex is what a
lot of people call that.
I lived in extremes on theoutside.
I acted strong.
On the inside, I was, I feltworthless.

(04:33):
I was what they call anegomaniac with an inferiority
complex.
So on the outside, I looked bigand tough, but on the inside, I
was really scared.
And I had to keep provingmyself because I didn't believe
I was enough.
And that's what drove me toovercompensate with people, with

(04:55):
work, with alcohol, especially.
I thought if I could controleverything, people, situations,
outcomes, I'd finally feel safe.
But the more I tried tocontrol, the more shit I lost.
You know, you could only holdup the mask for as long or for

(05:20):
so long before it cracks.
And mine cracked, everythingcollapsed.
My relationships, my career, mysense of self.
And I just couldn't pretendanymore.
And that was the wake-up call.
I mean, collapse feels likedeath when you're in it, but
looking back, it was really thedoorway to a new life.

(05:42):
And my wake-up call wasrealizing that my way wasn't
working.
I was running on autopilot, andautopilot was driving me
straight into the ground.
So here's the question I had toface.
And the one that I'll ask you.

(06:04):
If nothing changes, where willyou be 10 years from now?
And is that really where youwant to end up?
The answer was no for me.
So I had to stop and meet thatkid inside of me, the one that

(06:27):
I'd been ignoring and shamingand hiding from.
And when I finally picturedthat kid, I saw his eyes, his
fear, and I finally said, I'vegot you.
You're safe.
And that's when the healingstarted for me.
And this is deep work.
This is a deep conversation.

(06:47):
You know, I had shadows of rageand shame and grief that I
pretended weren't there, butthey were running the show.
Carl Jung said, until you makethe unconscious conscious, it
will direct your life, and youwill call it fate.

(07:09):
Well, I called it fate foryears, but it wasn't fate.
It was my shadow.
Facing it didn't destroy me, itfreed me.
You know, it wasn't my faultwhat happened to me as a kid.
But it was my responsibility toheal that.

(07:32):
And that's the turning point.
Blame kept me stuck.
Responsibility gave me power.
I just talked about this on thelast episode, being responsible
for your life.
It was the it was like the itwas like I had keys in my pocket
the whole time.
I just didn't know it.
And my life changed when Istopped waiting for a miracle

(08:00):
and started building a rhythm inmy life with meetings and
prayer and meditation in mygratitude list that I send out
every morning.
At first, it it felt like a lotof work, but those daily
disciplines now are anchors inmy life.
And when it and when that stormhits, because they always hit,

(08:23):
those anchors keep me steady.
And I like being steady.
I don't like when the stormhits things going nuts.
You know, you can break thecycle and live a free life.
You know, nobody's coming tosave you.

(08:45):
Nobody came to save me.
When I needed safety, I setboundaries.
And when I say boundaries,meaning I set boundaries that
protect me, not my boundariesthat protect you.
When I need encouragement, Icelebrate progress, not

(09:05):
perfection.
When I needed love, I gave itto myself.
And that's really healing thatchild within while being an
adult.
And you can also break thosegenerational train uh chains.
You know, if I hadn't havehealed and still healing, I was

(09:28):
gonna pass the same pain downbecause kids don't copy what we
say, they copy what we do.
So I had to ask, am I handingdown my wounds or my healing?
Well, the truth is, when I wasraising my stepdaughter, I
handed down the same wounds thatwere handed to me.
That's a hard pill to swallow.

(09:51):
So if you're a parent, how areyou parenting?
Are you parenting like yourparents parented you?
Probably.
Is that the most effectivething?
Probably not.
You know, healing isn't aboutbecoming someone new, it's about

(10:11):
becoming who you were beforethe masks.
When I stopped hiding,relationships deepened.
When I stopped pretending peaceshowed up, when I stopped lying
to myself, I felt whole.
You know, authenticity is aword that gets thrown around a
lot these days, but authenticitymeans when I walk into every

(10:34):
room, I'm the same dude.
No masks, no fear, it's justme.
And so here's where here'swhere it all lands.
You know, what story will youchoose from here?
You know, the patterns that youinherited are powerful, but

(11:01):
they're not permanent.
And the moment you chooseawareness, the you change the
story.
The moment you chooseresponsibility, you reclaim your
power.
The moment you chooseauthenticity, you walk free.
So picture this behind you aregenerations of pain.

(11:24):
Ahead of you are generations ofpossibility, and in your hands
is the pen that you can rewritethe story.
It stops here, it stops withyou, it stops with me, because
the moment you break the patternis the moment that you can
finally begin to live free.

(11:46):
And I don't know about you, butthat was what I was looking
for.
I was tired of the masks, I wastired of the same story playing
out in every relationship,every job, every friendship.
If you look back on your life,you probably have the same

(12:10):
things playing out year afteryear.
And until you break thosegenerational chains, you are
gonna keep playing out that samestory over and over and over.
And it's exhausting, it'sexhausting wearing a different

(12:33):
mask for every single personthat you know, it's exhausting
wearing a mask and having toswitch it out and lie and keep
up with those lies.
So, what I would challenge youto do today is look at what mask
you're wearing, and you canchange that today.

(12:58):
You don't need to wait tilltomorrow.
You can do it today.
So I appreciate you guyslistening.
We'll see you next Friday.
Please do me a favor, leave usa review, subscribe to the
podcast, make sure you sharethis with somebody else that you
think could benefit from it.

(13:19):
And we'll see you next Friday.