November 28, 2025 • 33 mins
In this episode of the Successful Life Podcast, host Corey Berrier dives into the importance of gratitude, empathy, and human connection. Reflecting on the busiest plumbing day of the year, he shares personal anecdotes about reconnecting with old friends and the transformative power of gratitude. Corey explains how daily gratitude lists have shaped his positive outlook and enhanced his relationships. He discusses the significance of empathetic listening in both personal and professional settings, emphasizing how understanding others’ perspectives can improve sales and client interactions. Corey also touches on the importance of following your gut instincts and setting personal boundaries. The episode concludes with a poignant story about the fragility of life, reinforcing the need to live each day with purpose and appreciation.
00:00 Introduction and Thanksgiving Reflections
01:29 The Power of Gratitude
04:26 Empathy in Sales and Life
07:27 Understanding Human Behavior
24:33 The Importance of Boundaries
25:51 Living in the Present
30:10 Conclusion and Gratitude
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
CoreyBerrier (02:01):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I am your host, Corey Berrier.
And we are on Black Friday.
Or for my plumbing friends, weare in the middle of Brown
Friday, depending on when you'relistening to this.
(02:22):
If you're listening to it onthe day it drops, which is every
Friday at 4 a.m., thenhopefully you get to listen to
this before you go tackle allthose plumbing jobs this week.
If you're not in the industry,you have no idea what I'm
talking about.
But if you are in the industry,you know exactly what I'm
talking about.
Busiest plumbing day of theyear.
Not only is that, not onlythat, it's the busiest shopping
(02:44):
day of the year, so they say.
And um hope everybody had athick uh fabulous Thanksgiving.
I had a great Thanksgiving.
I got to spend it with my dad.
And uh now I'm back hererecording this for you.
And uh, you know, I've had agood week.
Um, I've had a good week.
(03:06):
I connected with a uh a friendof mine.
I've known him for about threeyears.
In fact, he's been on thepodcast.
His name is Derek Cormer, anduh got to connect with him this
week.
I'm gonna go down and see himat the first of next week and
check out his company.
And uh I'll keep you posted onthat.
So I want to talk about todaygratitude.
(03:32):
And gratitude is something thatcenters my life every morning.
Uh, and if you've listened tothis podcast for any amount of
time, you know that I send out agratitude list to about 126
people every single day.
And the reason I do that isbecause for much of my life, uh
(03:52):
I wasn't very grateful.
I wasn't very grateful forthings, you know, I took
everything for granted.
I wasn't grateful for the factthat, you know, I got up this
morning, I worked out, I cleanedmy apartment, I got to go have
lunch, Thanksgiving lunch withmy dad.
And, you know, for years Iwould take those things for
(04:17):
granted.
I would take you for granted, Iwould take everything for
granted because I was really aselfish human being.
And over the last two and ahalf years since I've been
completely sober, you know, alot of that selfishness has
dissipated.
(04:37):
And a lot of it recently I'venoticed is because I've, you
know, I think there's always aselfish gene.
I think I've mentioned thiswith everybody, but I view
things in a way now that help meto be grateful.
(04:58):
So back to the list.
I know I'm kind of gotten offtrack here.
So I send out that list everymorning, and the reason that I
send it out is because it helpsme to frame my day to be
grateful.
And I list out five or six orseven things that I'm grateful
for.
One of those recently has beenmy buddy Ryan Wheeler, who has
been in the hospital for about30 days.
(05:18):
Now his daughter broke her,broke her elbow, and she's been
in now, she's in the hospital onThanksgiving Day.
And, you know, I look at mybuddy Ryan, who I think the
world of, who's the nicest guyyou've ever met.
And uh, you know, I love Ryan,but I wouldn't want to trade
(05:40):
places with him right now.
And so, you know, when I see ahomeless guy on the side of the
road, I used to think, what a,you know, what a loser.
And now I think, you know, whatis that guy struggling with?
You know, or somebody cuts meoff in traffic, you know, I
realize that it's not they'renot cutting me off in traffic.
(06:02):
They just have something betterto do or somewhere they need to
get to faster, and they, youknow, selfishly don't really
care that I'm in that lane.
And it's not even entirelytheir fault.
They may not even have seen me.
Could be a multitude of things.
Maybe they just found out that,you know, maybe they just lost
their job or their company'sgoing bankrupt or their wife's
(06:23):
cheating on them, or it couldliterally be anything.
And so I think recovery hasgiven me a perspective that
helps me have a lot more empathyfor people.
And you know, that has carriedover into business for me
(06:47):
because I think about, and Imentioned this on one of my
previous podcasts, maybe beenlast week.
It was last week, you know.
So when when if you're in asales role, you know, when
people don't buy from you, yougot to empathize with those
people.
And if you start out with theempathy in that sales process,
(07:09):
uh then people believe that youcan feel their pain.
And as an example, I'll justsay, you know, like, you know,
Mr.
Customer, I know today you youdidn't wake up.
You didn't wake up expecting tohave to call me and replace
this system.
Let's just, I'm gonna walkthrough this with you.
(07:31):
I'm gonna answer any questionsthat you've got because I know
this is a big decision.
And I want to make sure that Ianswer everything for you and uh
so you can make the rightdecision.
And whatever that decision is,whether it's to go with me or
whether it's to call anothercompany out, I just want to make
(07:51):
sure that I've done my jobtoday to help you because I know
this is a tough situation, andyou're probably worried about, I
mean, you might be worriedabout how you're gonna pay for
it or if there if there arefinancing options or how quickly
we can get out here.
And I'm gonna cover all thosethings today in this
conversation, so I won't leaveany question unanswered because
(08:14):
I've been right where you are,and uh a few years ago I had to
do the same exact thing.
It was unexpected, it was themiddle of the summer, and uh
(09:02):
fortunately I I knew who tocall.
And um, and I know for you, youknow, this may be the first
time, sir.
Is it the first time thatyou've ever had to call an HVAC
company?
And then you have to go withthat answer and go from there.
You know, you gotta kind offill out what they say and
listen to their response.
(09:24):
It's much like when I'msponsoring guys, you know, I if
I ask a few questions to get atemperature on how they're
feeling, then I've gotta I'vegot to sit back and listen to
what their response is and gottaread their facial expressions
and pick up on their tonality.
Are they talking really fast?
(09:45):
Or are they, you know, are theytalking really slow and low?
And or are they really excited?
All three of those could mean,you know, where the all three of
those could determine thedirection of where that
conversation goes.
And it could be three differentdirections.
And I think because I've workedwith with human beings in this
(10:12):
realm for so long, and I've justa I was I I love studying human
beings, I love watchingpeople's facial expressions, I
like listening to their tonalityand seeing micro expressions,
and micro expressions, whetheryou know this or not, you know,
(10:35):
as humans, if you're talking tosomeone and they have a, you
know, they let they put off anincongruent micro expression.
In other words, you ask themhow their day is, and their
mouth kind of frowns a littlebit and they say it's great, you
subconsciously pick up on thatfrown opposed to what's coming
(10:56):
out of their mouth.
Now you may not realize at thetime what's happening.
But what happens is you wind upnot trusting that person
because something just doesn'tseem quite right.
And I don't know, imagine ifyou've I'm sure you've been in
(11:16):
that position before whensomebody's been telling you a
story and you go, something justseems a bit off about this
story.
I can't put my finger on it.
I'm not saying that the guy'slying, but I don't know,
something just seems a littlebit off.
Well, you know, if you're insales or you're in you manage
(11:37):
people, you've had thisexperience because customers
lots of times will um, you know,not tell you really why they're
not moving forward.
And so it's your job to askbetter questions and pick up on
those small micro expressions,so then you can kind of figure
(12:00):
out which way to go.
And I do the same thing.
I do this with everybody that Italk to.
And I wouldn't say that I'm anexpert at it, but I've just
observed people for so long, andI've been in a lot of crazy
situations, whether it be inbusiness or whether it be
personal or been in recovery,you know, you get met with a lot
(12:22):
of different folks throughoutyour life.
And if you're conscious, ifyou're aware of what your your
surroundings, I should say, thenyou'll start picking up on
these things.
It probably has helped thatI've listened to a thousand
books on this, and I've studiedhuman behavior for quite some
(12:47):
time.
And humans are just humans, youknow, they're um everybody's
different.
Everybody talks different,everybody says different things,
everybody says, everybody actsdifferently.
And I think where a lot ofpeople get stuck in picking up
(13:08):
on these human interactions areif you're not acting like me,
then it's wrong.
And that's that's crazy, youknow, um, and it's pretty
selfish, back to that part.
And so not everybody's gonnaact like you.
Um, but you know that intuitionwhen you get a you know, you
(13:30):
get that gut feeling thatsomething's not right, and then
that something comes up and it'snot right, and it's a bomb
drop.
I'll give you a great example.
Um, my ex-girlfriend and Ibroke up a few months ago, and
(13:51):
you know, I had that gutfeeling.
I had that gut feeling thatsomething wasn't quite right.
But I ignored that feeling andI pushed it to the side and I
said, okay, don't be negative,you don't think that way, you
need to be optimistic, all thatstuff's great.
But when you get that gutfeeling in the, they call it the
(14:15):
second brain, you shouldprobably listen to that gut
feeling because there's a lot oftimes that gut feeling is
right.
You know, when people say,Well, you should follow your
instincts or you shouldn'tfollow your instincts.
Well, the my instincts have ledme down the wrong path, and my
instincts have always led medown the right path.
(14:37):
Meaning it's still my instinct,whether it was a good decision
or a bad decision, uh, it wasstill my instinct that led me
there.
And I'm not saying that all gutfeelings are good or that are
gonna flush out to be a positivething.
(14:58):
And I'm not saying that youshould be able to like, you're
not psychic, right?
But there are certain things inlife, there are certain people
in life that you just get thatfeeling, and that feeling could
be that um on the opposite end,not not them being shady or not
(15:22):
telling the truth, but it couldbe that you get that feeling of
comfort with that person, andeverything flows, the
conversations flow, the ideasflow, your ideas almost seem
like they're coming from thesame place, almost as if you're
taking the words out of oneanother's mouth, and that is
(15:44):
actually called a um flow statewhen you can have a conversation
back and forth and and theconversation flows uh uh with
ease.
And I get to have thoseconversations a lot of times,
and it's either you know can bein recovery for sure, and it
(16:05):
also can be outside of recovery,you know, um, and being able to
recognize when those things arehappening, you know, and not
self-sabotaging those things.
Because I think sometimes, as Imentioned in the past podcast,
it's you know, sometimes we arereally hard on ourselves.
(16:26):
Uh, we're the probably thehardest people on ourselves than
anybody else in our lives.
And, you know, instead of maybethinking that you don't deserve
something, maybe look at itlike you do.
I mean, just imagine what ifyou every time you go, well, you
know, that's probably not gonnawork out for me because it's
just too good to be true.
(16:47):
The other shoe's gonna drop.
I should expect the worst.
Well, what if you expected thebest?
What if you didn't think theother shoe was gonna drop?
What if you did believe thatyou were good enough for
whatever situation this is?
You know, what if what if youwere in the right place at the
(17:11):
right time?
Well, Corey, this neverhappened.
I had bad luck.
Well, if you think that way,you're gonna keep having bad
luck.
You know, you're gonna keepbeing in the wrong place at the
wrong time if your mindset isI'm gonna be in the wrong place
at the wrong time, opposed tojust making a choice to change
your mindset and say, I'm, youknow, I'm gonna be in the right
(17:34):
place at the right time.
And it's gonna be the exactright time I'm supposed to be
there.
And that's been my experience.
Things don't happen on mytimeline, things don't happen
when Corey wants them to happen,they happen on for me is God's
timeline, and in really not asecond before.
(17:54):
Now, I can try to forcesomething, I can try to force a
round peg into a square hole,and guess what?
It's never going to fit.
And, you know, recovery hastaught me, just like I mentioned
last time, not every customer'sfor you, and not every
situation's for you.
(18:15):
Not every situation is for me.
And so sometimes you just haveto cool your jets, be patient,
and wait for that rightgirlfriend or that right
position, or that right whateverit is you're trying to manifest
(18:37):
in your mind, and uh let go ofcontrol, which is really hard
for a lot of folks.
You know, trying to control theoutcome of something is I mean,
it's it's in our nature to wantto go do things, especially as
men.
(18:57):
We want to make sure that wefix things.
I mean, if you're married, ifyou've ever had a girlfriend,
then you know, I don't know ifyou know this or not, newsflash.
Your job's not to fixeverything.
Sometimes your job is just tolisten.
That'd be great if you couldask that question before the
(19:18):
conversation, if you just sayit's with a girlfriend or or a
wife.
Am I giving advice in thissituation or am I just
listening?
And you will set yourself upfor success, my friend, if you
do that.
Because we just naturally wantto try to fix things.
We want everything to gosmooth, we want to do everything
(19:38):
in our power to make it right.
Well, sometimes making it rightis just listening, especially
when it comes to a female,male-female relationship.
And um, you know, it's justabout communication and asking
(20:00):
that question up front will helpyou to better communicate with
your partner.
I guarantee it.
Like I guarantee it.
And listen, just like people,just like your customers, if
you're in sales, if you allowyour customer to talk long
enough, they're gonna tell youexactly why you're there,
exactly how you can help them,and exactly what their real
(20:25):
problem is.
And it's not just that the ACbroke.
That's not the real problem.
The real problem is you'veinconvenienced their life.
The real problem is you've heldthem up from going to work that
day.
The real problem is my wife isscreaming down my neck because
she woke up and it was 100degrees in the house.
(20:47):
And so the real problem is Iwant to get her off my back.
The real problem is I want toget back to work and make money
because I'm not making moneysitting here with you.
The real problem is I want tomake sure this gets done quickly
and efficiently, so youefficiently, so you don't have
to come back.
That's what people really want.
So you got to figure out how tosolve their problem, right?
(21:11):
When people first come in torecovery, their problem is I
don't know how to stop drinkingand drugging.
And there's a major problem.
But the real problem, let'sjust be honest, there that is
the problem.
But the real problem is thereare consequences.
They've done something wrong,they've got a DUI, they've
(21:33):
committed a crime, they've losttheir job, they've lost their
wife, they've lost their kids,or all of those above.
And so if somebody says, Oh,yeah, I just want to quit
drinking, yep, no, that's notreally it.
Yeah, I know you want to quitdrinking because you want to
solve these other problemsbehind it.
And so I use my ability to readpeople, to communicate, as I do
(22:00):
in business, the same way Iwould do in recovery, the same
way I would do in a personalrelationship.
They're all the same.
And, you know, is it always theeasy way out?
Not necessarily, becausesometimes you just got to be
patient and really listen towhere that person's struggling
(22:22):
and see if you can figure outthe real reason why they're
there.
And if you've done this enoughtimes like I have, it doesn't
take near as long to figurethese things out because if
you've had the experience that Ihave both in sales and
recovery, you don't you knowthat people are not going to
tell you right off the bat whatthe real issue is.
(22:44):
And so if you're a technicianin the field or you're a comfort
advisor or field supervisor oran electrician, listen, um go
back and re-listen to that lastpart because if you just learn
how to look, most guys in thefield, especially when it comes
(23:06):
to technicians and and and guysthat are doing the work in the
trades that are turning thewrenches, you don't really love
talking to customers to beginwith.
So use this as a superpower,it's gonna allow you to not talk
as much, which is what youwant, and to continue to get the
answers that you're lookingfor.
(23:27):
And uh check your ego at thedoor.
You know, your ego is not youramigo.
Uh and if you can do that, andit takes it takes practice, uh,
and it takes some coaching, andit takes some um, you know,
practice this at home, practicethis with the person at the
store, practice it witheverybody that you can come in
(23:50):
contact with, and you'll getbetter.
You'll get better at listening.
And let me clarify thedifference in empathy and
sympathy.
Empathy is I can, you know, Ican relate to you, I can put
myself in your shoes.
Sympathy is I feel bad for you.
I feel bad that you're goingthrough this, and you can feel
(24:12):
bad, but people would rather bepeople would would rather you
have empathy for them thansympathy.
Sympathy can feel um can feellike woe is me, or like you you
know, like I'm less than.
(24:33):
And you don't ever want to makeanybody feel less than, whether
it's a customer or somebodycoming into recovery that's new,
or a girlfriend, or boyfriend,or whoever.
You want me to you want me youwant to make people feel
comfortable.
And that goes with anybody inyour life, even people that you
(24:53):
don't really care for, you know.
If you have those people inyour life, you know, it's you
know, not everybody noteverybody is gonna be your cup
of tea, but everybody deservesthe respect of you listening to
them and uh being a good humanbeing.
And it doesn't take a whole lotto be a good human being.
(25:16):
You gotta be less selfish, andyou gotta think about other
people, and I think if you thinkabout other people and have
empathy for them, you're gonnabe more of a likable person.
And people like people theylike, right?
People, you know, that willhave less interactions with you
(25:39):
if they think that you're, youknow, condescending or that
you're a terrible listener, orif you talk over people, gosh, I
can't stand when people talkover me.
But I also realize, you know,they just don't know any better.
You know, their their emotionalintelligence is subpar.
(26:02):
And I'm not making fun of them,I'm just saying like I know how
to regulate that, and Iregulate that through, I just
stop talking and wait for themto finish.
And if it happens multipletimes, let's say you're in a
conversation with somebody andthey interrupt you four three or
four times.
Eventually, if you just stoptalking and wait for them to
(26:29):
finish whatever they feel likethey need to talk about, pick
right back up where you left offand keep talking.
You know what I mean?
And and just you don't have tobe a jerk about it.
But they'll they'll eventuallyget the idea.
Now, if this is with acustomer, you gotta be a little
bit more conscientious about howyou're communicating with them
(26:53):
because they're your customerand you're there to sell them
something, and you gotta be alittle bit more aware.
But let's say it's a girlfriendor a boyfriend that's you know
that interrupts you every fiveseconds, you gotta you gotta set
a boundary around thatsituation, or it's just gonna
keep happening.
You know, and boundaries areimportant.
(27:15):
Boundaries are important inyour workplace, they're
important in your relationships.
And boundaries are not blockingpeople out.
You know what I mean?
You a boundary is saying, I'mnot willing to continue.
This would be internally,right?
I'm not in, I'm not, I'm notgonna continue having a
(27:37):
conversation with this personbecause they keep interrupting
me.
You know, again, that'sinternal.
So you just got to be patient,let them finish talking, let
them get out whatever they aretrying to get out, and then just
resume, right?
Or you could even take it astep further if it's somebody
that you have a personalrelationship with and say, you
(27:58):
know, I'm really having a hardtime hearing you.
I'm really having a hard timehearing you when I'm trying to
finish telling you what I wastelling you.
And that'll shock somebody totheir core, right?
If it's a girlfriend or aboyfriend or maybe uh, you know,
(28:21):
one of your coworkers, they'llget the hint.
Right?
But you can't say that untilafter they stop talking.
So I think today's theme is youknow human interaction and and
um you know trying to putyourself in other people's
(28:43):
shoes.
You know, I I picked up a ladythe other day, and uh it was the
day before Thanksgiving, andshe got in my car, and I was
taking her to the airport, andher name was Grace, and I said,
Grace, I said it's such abeautiful name.
She was like, Oh, thank you.
And she sits down in the carand she goes, You know, my
(29:07):
niece, my niece just got killedlast night.
She's 30 years old.
And uh, she was out drinking,it was three o'clock in the
morning in Atlanta, and she'snot even a big drinker.
She just got promoted fromwork, from a job, her job at
Delta.
She's supposed to be gettingmarried in March.
(29:28):
Her mother's here out of thecountry planning the wedding.
And just like that, that ladylost her niece that night, and
what they don't know why.
And so I think by me, you know,smiling and saying how much I
really liked her name gave heran opportunity to tell me that
(29:50):
story.
And I was really grateful tohear that story, as sad as it
is, because it helps me torealize we only have today.
You know, we only have today.
And just like that, that30-year-old girl's life is over.
(30:11):
And um, you know, we're notpromised, we're not promised
tomorrow.
And so it's hilarious when Ihear people say, Well, I'm gonna
go to the gym tomorrow, or I'mgonna get on this diet tomorrow.
Well, tomorrow may never come.
So you might as well starttoday.
There's no better time to startthan today on whatever that
(30:38):
thing is that you have beenprocrastinating on.
Whatever you've been draggingyour butt on, just start it
today.
Just start the diet today.
Why would you wait tilltomorrow?
Stop drinking today, stopcheating on your wife today,
stop smoking today.
You may not have tomorrow.
(31:01):
And so, you know, hearingstories like that helps me to be
grateful for my life and begrateful for the things that I
have and the people that I havein my life today.
And so I I think as I startedthis about the gratitude list, I
(31:26):
think that gives me anopportunity to tell those 126
people that I'm grateful forthem and to share the things
that you know I'm grateful forin my life in hopes that that
maybe it sparks some gratitudein their heart.
And I don't, you know, I do itbecause it helps me.
And uh I know it does help someother people because I get
(31:50):
responses back telling me thatthey're grateful that I send
them this list.
And it's wild because I wonderhow many of them actually open
it.
But then if I for, you know, Idon't actually forget to send
it, but sometimes I'll send itout later than 3.30 in the
morning.
And if 6:30, 7 o'clock rollsaround and that gratitude list
(32:12):
hasn't been sent out, I'll getmessages.
Hey man, you alright?
Hadn't received your listtoday.
Just want to make sureeverything's okay.
And I'm thinking, holy cow, Ididn't even think this person
opened my list because theydon't ever respond or they don't
react, which is totally fine.
But it's really interesting howthat practice has kind of
(32:36):
helped transform me into aperson.
That does care about otherpeople in a deeper way.
That does have more empathy forpeople.
And uh and I am grateful foryou.
I'm grateful that you listen tothis podcast.
I'm grateful that um, you know,this is our sixth year uh this
(33:01):
month actually is the sixth yearI've done this podcast almost
every single week.
And um it helps me to be ableto sit here and talk to you
about these things.
And my hope is that you knowyou get something out of it.
And my goal is to improve yourlife while also improving my
(33:22):
life by talking about thesethings.
This is a special space for me,and uh I hope it's a special
place for you.
So appreciate you guys everyFriday morning, 4 a.m.
This podcast drops.
I appreciate you, and we'll seeyou next week.
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I am your host, Corey Berrier.
And we are on Black Friday.
Or for my plumbing friends, weare in the middle of Brown
Friday, depending on when you'relistening to this.
(02:22):
If you're listening to it onthe day it drops, which is every
Friday at 4 a.m., thenhopefully you get to listen to
this before you go tackle allthose plumbing jobs this week.
If you're not in the industry,you have no idea what I'm
talking about.
But if you are in the industry,you know exactly what I'm
talking about.
Busiest plumbing day of theyear.
Not only is that, not onlythat, it's the busiest shopping
(02:44):
day of the year, so they say.
And um hope everybody had athick uh fabulous Thanksgiving.
I had a great Thanksgiving.
I got to spend it with my dad.
And uh now I'm back hererecording this for you.
And uh, you know, I've had agood week.
Um, I've had a good week.
(03:06):
I connected with a uh a friendof mine.
I've known him for about threeyears.
In fact, he's been on thepodcast.
His name is Derek Cormer, anduh got to connect with him this
week.
I'm gonna go down and see himat the first of next week and
check out his company.
And uh I'll keep you posted onthat.
So I want to talk about todaygratitude.
(03:32):
And gratitude is something thatcenters my life every morning.
Uh, and if you've listened tothis podcast for any amount of
time, you know that I send out agratitude list to about 126
people every single day.
And the reason I do that isbecause for much of my life, uh
(03:52):
I wasn't very grateful.
I wasn't very grateful forthings, you know, I took
everything for granted.
I wasn't grateful for the factthat, you know, I got up this
morning, I worked out, I cleanedmy apartment, I got to go have
lunch, Thanksgiving lunch withmy dad.
And, you know, for years Iwould take those things for
(04:17):
granted.
I would take you for granted, Iwould take everything for
granted because I was really aselfish human being.
And over the last two and ahalf years since I've been
completely sober, you know, alot of that selfishness has
dissipated.
(04:37):
And a lot of it recently I'venoticed is because I've, you
know, I think there's always aselfish gene.
I think I've mentioned thiswith everybody, but I view
things in a way now that help meto be grateful.
(04:58):
So back to the list.
I know I'm kind of gotten offtrack here.
So I send out that list everymorning, and the reason that I
send it out is because it helpsme to frame my day to be
grateful.
And I list out five or six orseven things that I'm grateful
for.
One of those recently has beenmy buddy Ryan Wheeler, who has
been in the hospital for about30 days.
(05:18):
Now his daughter broke her,broke her elbow, and she's been
in now, she's in the hospital onThanksgiving Day.
And, you know, I look at mybuddy Ryan, who I think the
world of, who's the nicest guyyou've ever met.
And uh, you know, I love Ryan,but I wouldn't want to trade
(05:40):
places with him right now.
And so, you know, when I see ahomeless guy on the side of the
road, I used to think, what a,you know, what a loser.
And now I think, you know, whatis that guy struggling with?
You know, or somebody cuts meoff in traffic, you know, I
realize that it's not they'renot cutting me off in traffic.
(06:02):
They just have something betterto do or somewhere they need to
get to faster, and they, youknow, selfishly don't really
care that I'm in that lane.
And it's not even entirelytheir fault.
They may not even have seen me.
Could be a multitude of things.
Maybe they just found out that,you know, maybe they just lost
their job or their company'sgoing bankrupt or their wife's
(06:23):
cheating on them, or it couldliterally be anything.
And so I think recovery hasgiven me a perspective that
helps me have a lot more empathyfor people.
And you know, that has carriedover into business for me
(06:47):
because I think about, and Imentioned this on one of my
previous podcasts, maybe beenlast week.
It was last week, you know.
So when when if you're in asales role, you know, when
people don't buy from you, yougot to empathize with those
people.
And if you start out with theempathy in that sales process,
(07:09):
uh then people believe that youcan feel their pain.
And as an example, I'll justsay, you know, like, you know,
Mr.
Customer, I know today you youdidn't wake up.
You didn't wake up expecting tohave to call me and replace
this system.
Let's just, I'm gonna walkthrough this with you.
(07:31):
I'm gonna answer any questionsthat you've got because I know
this is a big decision.
And I want to make sure that Ianswer everything for you and uh
so you can make the rightdecision.
And whatever that decision is,whether it's to go with me or
whether it's to call anothercompany out, I just want to make
(07:51):
sure that I've done my jobtoday to help you because I know
this is a tough situation, andyou're probably worried about, I
mean, you might be worriedabout how you're gonna pay for
it or if there if there arefinancing options or how quickly
we can get out here.
And I'm gonna cover all thosethings today in this
conversation, so I won't leaveany question unanswered because
(08:14):
I've been right where you are,and uh a few years ago I had to
do the same exact thing.
It was unexpected, it was themiddle of the summer, and uh
(09:02):
fortunately I I knew who tocall.
And um, and I know for you, youknow, this may be the first
time, sir.
Is it the first time thatyou've ever had to call an HVAC
company?
And then you have to go withthat answer and go from there.
You know, you gotta kind offill out what they say and
listen to their response.
(09:24):
It's much like when I'msponsoring guys, you know, I if
I ask a few questions to get atemperature on how they're
feeling, then I've gotta I'vegot to sit back and listen to
what their response is and gottaread their facial expressions
and pick up on their tonality.
Are they talking really fast?
(09:45):
Or are they, you know, are theytalking really slow and low?
And or are they really excited?
All three of those could mean,you know, where the all three of
those could determine thedirection of where that
conversation goes.
And it could be three differentdirections.
And I think because I've workedwith with human beings in this
(10:12):
realm for so long, and I've justa I was I I love studying human
beings, I love watchingpeople's facial expressions, I
like listening to their tonalityand seeing micro expressions,
and micro expressions, whetheryou know this or not, you know,
(10:35):
as humans, if you're talking tosomeone and they have a, you
know, they let they put off anincongruent micro expression.
In other words, you ask themhow their day is, and their
mouth kind of frowns a littlebit and they say it's great, you
subconsciously pick up on thatfrown opposed to what's coming
(10:56):
out of their mouth.
Now you may not realize at thetime what's happening.
But what happens is you wind upnot trusting that person
because something just doesn'tseem quite right.
And I don't know, imagine ifyou've I'm sure you've been in
(11:16):
that position before whensomebody's been telling you a
story and you go, something justseems a bit off about this
story.
I can't put my finger on it.
I'm not saying that the guy'slying, but I don't know,
something just seems a littlebit off.
Well, you know, if you're insales or you're in you manage
(11:37):
people, you've had thisexperience because customers
lots of times will um, you know,not tell you really why they're
not moving forward.
And so it's your job to askbetter questions and pick up on
those small micro expressions,so then you can kind of figure
(12:00):
out which way to go.
And I do the same thing.
I do this with everybody that Italk to.
And I wouldn't say that I'm anexpert at it, but I've just
observed people for so long, andI've been in a lot of crazy
situations, whether it be inbusiness or whether it be
personal or been in recovery,you know, you get met with a lot
(12:22):
of different folks throughoutyour life.
And if you're conscious, ifyou're aware of what your your
surroundings, I should say, thenyou'll start picking up on
these things.
It probably has helped thatI've listened to a thousand
books on this, and I've studiedhuman behavior for quite some
(12:47):
time.
And humans are just humans, youknow, they're um everybody's
different.
Everybody talks different,everybody says different things,
everybody says, everybody actsdifferently.
And I think where a lot ofpeople get stuck in picking up
(13:08):
on these human interactions areif you're not acting like me,
then it's wrong.
And that's that's crazy, youknow, um, and it's pretty
selfish, back to that part.
And so not everybody's gonnaact like you.
Um, but you know that intuitionwhen you get a you know, you
(13:30):
get that gut feeling thatsomething's not right, and then
that something comes up and it'snot right, and it's a bomb
drop.
I'll give you a great example.
Um, my ex-girlfriend and Ibroke up a few months ago, and
(13:51):
you know, I had that gutfeeling.
I had that gut feeling thatsomething wasn't quite right.
But I ignored that feeling andI pushed it to the side and I
said, okay, don't be negative,you don't think that way, you
need to be optimistic, all thatstuff's great.
But when you get that gutfeeling in the, they call it the
(14:15):
second brain, you shouldprobably listen to that gut
feeling because there's a lot oftimes that gut feeling is
right.
You know, when people say,Well, you should follow your
instincts or you shouldn'tfollow your instincts.
Well, the my instincts have ledme down the wrong path, and my
instincts have always led medown the right path.
(14:37):
Meaning it's still my instinct,whether it was a good decision
or a bad decision, uh, it wasstill my instinct that led me
there.
And I'm not saying that all gutfeelings are good or that are
gonna flush out to be a positivething.
(14:58):
And I'm not saying that youshould be able to like, you're
not psychic, right?
But there are certain things inlife, there are certain people
in life that you just get thatfeeling, and that feeling could
be that um on the opposite end,not not them being shady or not
(15:22):
telling the truth, but it couldbe that you get that feeling of
comfort with that person, andeverything flows, the
conversations flow, the ideasflow, your ideas almost seem
like they're coming from thesame place, almost as if you're
taking the words out of oneanother's mouth, and that is
(15:44):
actually called a um flow statewhen you can have a conversation
back and forth and and theconversation flows uh uh with
ease.
And I get to have thoseconversations a lot of times,
and it's either you know can bein recovery for sure, and it
(16:05):
also can be outside of recovery,you know, um, and being able to
recognize when those things arehappening, you know, and not
self-sabotaging those things.
Because I think sometimes, as Imentioned in the past podcast,
it's you know, sometimes we arereally hard on ourselves.
(16:26):
Uh, we're the probably thehardest people on ourselves than
anybody else in our lives.
And, you know, instead of maybethinking that you don't deserve
something, maybe look at itlike you do.
I mean, just imagine what ifyou every time you go, well, you
know, that's probably not gonnawork out for me because it's
just too good to be true.
(16:47):
The other shoe's gonna drop.
I should expect the worst.
Well, what if you expected thebest?
What if you didn't think theother shoe was gonna drop?
What if you did believe thatyou were good enough for
whatever situation this is?
You know, what if what if youwere in the right place at the
(17:11):
right time?
Well, Corey, this neverhappened.
I had bad luck.
Well, if you think that way,you're gonna keep having bad
luck.
You know, you're gonna keepbeing in the wrong place at the
wrong time if your mindset isI'm gonna be in the wrong place
at the wrong time, opposed tojust making a choice to change
your mindset and say, I'm, youknow, I'm gonna be in the right
(17:34):
place at the right time.
And it's gonna be the exactright time I'm supposed to be
there.
And that's been my experience.
Things don't happen on mytimeline, things don't happen
when Corey wants them to happen,they happen on for me is God's
timeline, and in really not asecond before.
(17:54):
Now, I can try to forcesomething, I can try to force a
round peg into a square hole,and guess what?
It's never going to fit.
And, you know, recovery hastaught me, just like I mentioned
last time, not every customer'sfor you, and not every
situation's for you.
(18:15):
Not every situation is for me.
And so sometimes you just haveto cool your jets, be patient,
and wait for that rightgirlfriend or that right
position, or that right whateverit is you're trying to manifest
(18:37):
in your mind, and uh let go ofcontrol, which is really hard
for a lot of folks.
You know, trying to control theoutcome of something is I mean,
it's it's in our nature to wantto go do things, especially as
men.
(18:57):
We want to make sure that wefix things.
I mean, if you're married, ifyou've ever had a girlfriend,
then you know, I don't know ifyou know this or not, newsflash.
Your job's not to fixeverything.
Sometimes your job is just tolisten.
That'd be great if you couldask that question before the
(19:18):
conversation, if you just sayit's with a girlfriend or or a
wife.
Am I giving advice in thissituation or am I just
listening?
And you will set yourself upfor success, my friend, if you
do that.
Because we just naturally wantto try to fix things.
We want everything to gosmooth, we want to do everything
(19:38):
in our power to make it right.
Well, sometimes making it rightis just listening, especially
when it comes to a female,male-female relationship.
And um, you know, it's justabout communication and asking
(20:00):
that question up front will helpyou to better communicate with
your partner.
I guarantee it.
Like I guarantee it.
And listen, just like people,just like your customers, if
you're in sales, if you allowyour customer to talk long
enough, they're gonna tell youexactly why you're there,
exactly how you can help them,and exactly what their real
(20:25):
problem is.
And it's not just that the ACbroke.
That's not the real problem.
The real problem is you'veinconvenienced their life.
The real problem is you've heldthem up from going to work that
day.
The real problem is my wife isscreaming down my neck because
she woke up and it was 100degrees in the house.
(20:47):
And so the real problem is Iwant to get her off my back.
The real problem is I want toget back to work and make money
because I'm not making moneysitting here with you.
The real problem is I want tomake sure this gets done quickly
and efficiently, so youefficiently, so you don't have
to come back.
That's what people really want.
So you got to figure out how tosolve their problem, right?
(21:11):
When people first come in torecovery, their problem is I
don't know how to stop drinkingand drugging.
And there's a major problem.
But the real problem, let'sjust be honest, there that is
the problem.
But the real problem is thereare consequences.
They've done something wrong,they've got a DUI, they've
(21:33):
committed a crime, they've losttheir job, they've lost their
wife, they've lost their kids,or all of those above.
And so if somebody says, Oh,yeah, I just want to quit
drinking, yep, no, that's notreally it.
Yeah, I know you want to quitdrinking because you want to
solve these other problemsbehind it.
And so I use my ability to readpeople, to communicate, as I do
(22:00):
in business, the same way Iwould do in recovery, the same
way I would do in a personalrelationship.
They're all the same.
And, you know, is it always theeasy way out?
Not necessarily, becausesometimes you just got to be
patient and really listen towhere that person's struggling
(22:22):
and see if you can figure outthe real reason why they're
there.
And if you've done this enoughtimes like I have, it doesn't
take near as long to figurethese things out because if
you've had the experience that Ihave both in sales and
recovery, you don't you knowthat people are not going to
tell you right off the bat whatthe real issue is.
(22:44):
And so if you're a technicianin the field or you're a comfort
advisor or field supervisor oran electrician, listen, um go
back and re-listen to that lastpart because if you just learn
how to look, most guys in thefield, especially when it comes
(23:06):
to technicians and and and guysthat are doing the work in the
trades that are turning thewrenches, you don't really love
talking to customers to beginwith.
So use this as a superpower,it's gonna allow you to not talk
as much, which is what youwant, and to continue to get the
answers that you're lookingfor.
(23:27):
And uh check your ego at thedoor.
You know, your ego is not youramigo.
Uh and if you can do that, andit takes it takes practice, uh,
and it takes some coaching, andit takes some um, you know,
practice this at home, practicethis with the person at the
store, practice it witheverybody that you can come in
(23:50):
contact with, and you'll getbetter.
You'll get better at listening.
And let me clarify thedifference in empathy and
sympathy.
Empathy is I can, you know, Ican relate to you, I can put
myself in your shoes.
Sympathy is I feel bad for you.
I feel bad that you're goingthrough this, and you can feel
(24:12):
bad, but people would rather bepeople would would rather you
have empathy for them thansympathy.
Sympathy can feel um can feellike woe is me, or like you you
know, like I'm less than.
(24:33):
And you don't ever want to makeanybody feel less than, whether
it's a customer or somebodycoming into recovery that's new,
or a girlfriend, or boyfriend,or whoever.
You want me to you want me youwant to make people feel
comfortable.
And that goes with anybody inyour life, even people that you
(24:53):
don't really care for, you know.
If you have those people inyour life, you know, it's you
know, not everybody noteverybody is gonna be your cup
of tea, but everybody deservesthe respect of you listening to
them and uh being a good humanbeing.
And it doesn't take a whole lotto be a good human being.
(25:16):
You gotta be less selfish, andyou gotta think about other
people, and I think if you thinkabout other people and have
empathy for them, you're gonnabe more of a likable person.
And people like people theylike, right?
People, you know, that willhave less interactions with you
(25:39):
if they think that you're, youknow, condescending or that
you're a terrible listener, orif you talk over people, gosh, I
can't stand when people talkover me.
But I also realize, you know,they just don't know any better.
You know, their their emotionalintelligence is subpar.
(26:02):
And I'm not making fun of them,I'm just saying like I know how
to regulate that, and Iregulate that through, I just
stop talking and wait for themto finish.
And if it happens multipletimes, let's say you're in a
conversation with somebody andthey interrupt you four three or
four times.
Eventually, if you just stoptalking and wait for them to
(26:29):
finish whatever they feel likethey need to talk about, pick
right back up where you left offand keep talking.
You know what I mean?
And and just you don't have tobe a jerk about it.
But they'll they'll eventuallyget the idea.
Now, if this is with acustomer, you gotta be a little
bit more conscientious about howyou're communicating with them
(26:53):
because they're your customerand you're there to sell them
something, and you gotta be alittle bit more aware.
But let's say it's a girlfriendor a boyfriend that's you know
that interrupts you every fiveseconds, you gotta you gotta set
a boundary around thatsituation, or it's just gonna
keep happening.
You know, and boundaries areimportant.
(27:15):
Boundaries are important inyour workplace, they're
important in your relationships.
And boundaries are not blockingpeople out.
You know what I mean?
You a boundary is saying, I'mnot willing to continue.
This would be internally,right?
I'm not in, I'm not, I'm notgonna continue having a
(27:37):
conversation with this personbecause they keep interrupting
me.
You know, again, that'sinternal.
So you just got to be patient,let them finish talking, let
them get out whatever they aretrying to get out, and then just
resume, right?
Or you could even take it astep further if it's somebody
that you have a personalrelationship with and say, you
(27:58):
know, I'm really having a hardtime hearing you.
I'm really having a hard timehearing you when I'm trying to
finish telling you what I wastelling you.
And that'll shock somebody totheir core, right?
If it's a girlfriend or aboyfriend or maybe uh, you know,
(28:21):
one of your coworkers, they'llget the hint.
Right?
But you can't say that untilafter they stop talking.
So I think today's theme is youknow human interaction and and
um you know trying to putyourself in other people's
(28:43):
shoes.
You know, I I picked up a ladythe other day, and uh it was the
day before Thanksgiving, andshe got in my car, and I was
taking her to the airport, andher name was Grace, and I said,
Grace, I said it's such abeautiful name.
She was like, Oh, thank you.
And she sits down in the carand she goes, You know, my
(29:07):
niece, my niece just got killedlast night.
She's 30 years old.
And uh, she was out drinking,it was three o'clock in the
morning in Atlanta, and she'snot even a big drinker.
She just got promoted fromwork, from a job, her job at
Delta.
She's supposed to be gettingmarried in March.
(29:28):
Her mother's here out of thecountry planning the wedding.
And just like that, that ladylost her niece that night, and
what they don't know why.
And so I think by me, you know,smiling and saying how much I
really liked her name gave heran opportunity to tell me that
(29:50):
story.
And I was really grateful tohear that story, as sad as it
is, because it helps me torealize we only have today.
You know, we only have today.
And just like that, that30-year-old girl's life is over.
(30:11):
And um, you know, we're notpromised, we're not promised
tomorrow.
And so it's hilarious when Ihear people say, Well, I'm gonna
go to the gym tomorrow, or I'mgonna get on this diet tomorrow.
Well, tomorrow may never come.
So you might as well starttoday.
There's no better time to startthan today on whatever that
(30:38):
thing is that you have beenprocrastinating on.
Whatever you've been draggingyour butt on, just start it
today.
Just start the diet today.
Why would you wait tilltomorrow?
Stop drinking today, stopcheating on your wife today,
stop smoking today.
You may not have tomorrow.
(31:01):
And so, you know, hearingstories like that helps me to be
grateful for my life and begrateful for the things that I
have and the people that I havein my life today.
And so I I think as I startedthis about the gratitude list, I
(31:26):
think that gives me anopportunity to tell those 126
people that I'm grateful forthem and to share the things
that you know I'm grateful forin my life in hopes that that
maybe it sparks some gratitudein their heart.
And I don't, you know, I do itbecause it helps me.
And uh I know it does help someother people because I get
(31:50):
responses back telling me thatthey're grateful that I send
them this list.
And it's wild because I wonderhow many of them actually open
it.
But then if I for, you know, Idon't actually forget to send
it, but sometimes I'll send itout later than 3.30 in the
morning.
And if 6:30, 7 o'clock rollsaround and that gratitude list
(32:12):
hasn't been sent out, I'll getmessages.
Hey man, you alright?
Hadn't received your listtoday.
Just want to make sureeverything's okay.
And I'm thinking, holy cow, Ididn't even think this person
opened my list because theydon't ever respond or they don't
react, which is totally fine.
But it's really interesting howthat practice has kind of
(32:36):
helped transform me into aperson.
That does care about otherpeople in a deeper way.
That does have more empathy forpeople.
And uh and I am grateful foryou.
I'm grateful that you listen tothis podcast.
I'm grateful that um, you know,this is our sixth year uh this
(33:01):
month actually is the sixth yearI've done this podcast almost
every single week.
And um it helps me to be ableto sit here and talk to you
about these things.
And my hope is that you knowyou get something out of it.
And my goal is to improve yourlife while also improving my
(33:22):
life by talking about thesethings.
This is a special space for me,and uh I hope it's a special
place for you.
So appreciate you guys everyFriday morning, 4 a.m.
This podcast drops.
I appreciate you, and we'll seeyou next week.
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