October 24, 2025 • 29 mins
What if your job title isn’t who you are, and the real proof of character shows up in the choices you make when no one is watching? We dig into that question through the lens of recovery, responsibility, and the everyday habits that either build integrity or break it down. From asking for help to making amends, we unpack how sober clarity turns micro resentments into momentum and why quiet, ten-minute pauses can reveal more about your life than an hour of doom scrolling.
I share the uncomfortable truths I had to face: fear of rejection, low self-worth, and the cost of not asking for what I need at work and at home. We talk through a simple silence practice to cut through noise, the opportunity cost of social media, and the subtle ways outrage hijacks attention. Then we connect those lessons to sales, where pressure and shortcuts often masquerade as skill. You’ll hear a practical script for presenting honest options without manipulation, how to ask better questions when a customer says no, and why feedback—however painful—becomes your fastest lever for growth.
This conversation is a call to choose the long game: integrity over shortcuts, responsibility over blame, and curiosity over fear. If you’ve ever felt weighed down by tiny resentments, stuck in distraction loops, or tempted to sell something you wouldn’t sell to your own mom, this is your reset. Listen, reflect, then pick one honest action today—one amends, one ask, one small promise kept in the dark. If this resonated, subscribe, leave a quick review, and share it with someone who needs a nudge toward better choices. Your future self will thank you.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
CoreyBerrier (01:01):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, I'm going totalk to you about my experience
with character building.
You know, I think a lot ofthings in life, while it may
seem like a mistake, it's reallya lesson.
(01:24):
If you learn from it and don'tdo it again, obviously.
Um, I think some of the hardestlessons that I've had to learn
in my life have built thecharacter that you have, that
you see today.
And lots of times, I don't knowabout you, but lots of times I
(01:45):
don't give myself enough creditor any credit.
I don't celebrate the thingsthat I've accomplished in my
life.
And what I mean by byaccomplishment, I don't mean
like accolades.
I don't mean accomplishments inbusiness or the success of this
(02:09):
podcast or that I've written abook.
I don't I don't mean any uh ofthat.
All those are external thingsthat you know seem like what
makes up a person.
You know, if I asked you, youknow, who are you, you might
say, well, I'm a CEO of acompany, or I'm a business
(02:32):
owner, or you know, I'm an HVACtech or I'm uh whatever, fill in
the blank.
But really, that's what you doin life.
That's not what you are.
And so I've had to take adeeper look at, you know, who am
(02:52):
I as a person?
And, you know, there's a lot ofattributes that make up you as
a person.
It could be negativeattributes, it could be positive
attributes.
You know, I I lots of timesdon't look at some of the hard
things that I've gone through.
Um, and I don't say that to belike I'm, you know, arrived
(03:17):
because it's certainly not thecase, but I have put in the work
to get sober a couple of timesnow, and it is a massive
deflation of the ego to be ableto, you know, to have to admit
that you need help, especiallyas a man.
(03:40):
It's tough to ask for help,whether that be in your job or
whether that be in with anaddiction or or in a
relationship.
And a lot of that stems fromnot wanting to be rejected.
And uh a lot of that stems fromyou know, some sort of
(04:00):
childhood rejection that you'veprobably gone through or that I
went through.
And uh, unless you take a lookat those things, it's hard to
overcome them.
And for me, those things haveshowed up in my life, you know,
over and over in relationships,in workplace, in friendships.
(04:23):
And it's hard to recognizebecause you get this internal
feeling of fear for asking forwhat you want, again, whether
that be in a relationship or ajob or whatever that might be,
because maybe there's aself-worth uh issue there.
And and and I think that wasthe case for me, for sure.
(04:46):
You know, I didn't feel worthyof the thing that I wanted to
ask for, so I just didn't askfor it.
And um, one of the things thatI've you know, one of the parts
of recovery is you know, makingamends.
And when I say making amends,what that really looks like is
(05:11):
you take a look at the peoplethat you've done a disservice
to.
And when I say done adisservice, it doesn't mean
you've done something bad tothose people, but maybe you were
in a a job and you didn't askfor what you wanted, and
therefore you carried aresentment towards that owner or
towards that business ortowards that job, or maybe
(05:33):
you're in a relationship whereyou know you you want your
partner to do something andyou're not willing to ask
because you're afraid of whatthey may say.
I've been there and done thatfor sure, and it doesn't feel
good.
Um, it's not a good feeling tonot be able to express how you
(05:57):
feel, uh, whether that be in ajob or whether that be in a
relationship or a friendship orwhatever it may be.
And what I've found is thatwhen I'm afraid to ask for what
I want, you know, thatresentment builds.
And and you push it to theside, right?
(06:20):
You push it down, no big deal.
It's okay, you know, they'llchange, they'll come around,
they'll offer me the, you know,they'll offer me the raise,
they'll, you know, my partnerwill, you know, begin to see
that they're not doing theirpart.
Well, the problem, you know,with that I found is that I'm
(06:48):
the one that suffers when Idon't ask for what I want or I
don't speak up about things thatare bothering me.
And those micro resentmentsthen turn into me carrying
around baggage that affects therest of my life or affects the
(07:11):
rest of my day, my week.
And they're micro resentments,they're not big deals, they're
not huge things, but thoselittle things build up to bigger
things.
And I think, you know, that iswhy I think a lot of people turn
to drugs and alcohol andpornography and social media to
(07:35):
distract themselves from what'sgoing on in their life.
And that's been the case forme.
You know, uh, when you removethose things from your life,
whether it be drugs or alcoholor scrolling endlessly on social
media, you're kind of left withyourself and your own thoughts.
(07:59):
And that's a scary place forsomebody like me because I'm
constantly moving and constantlydoing something, and I'm
constantly distracted.
And so recently, um, I havetaken this guy's advice named
Dr.
K and several other people astheir advice about you know
(08:21):
meditating in silence, which isnot an easy thing for me to do,
but I've forced myself to do it,and I've had a lot of clarity
from that practice.
And I just light a candle, Isit on my bed, leave, watch the
candle for 10 minutes, and itfrees up my brain to not have
(08:49):
any of those distractions, andthen I get to recognize well,
what have I been distractingmyself with?
And how what's the opportunitycost for that distraction?
We'll use social media as agreat example.
You know, how many times do youopen your phone and you just
doom scroll?
(09:09):
Or you just want to check onthis one person, and then boom,
you're 15 or 20 minutes in andyou've wasted that 15 or 20
minutes.
What's the opportunity costwhen that happens?
What could you have been doingthat would have been more
beneficial than scrolling onsocial media?
It's a real easy thing to do,and it's also very dangerous
(09:31):
because you're likely losingproductivity, you're likely
losing peace of mind.
And especially with the thingsthat have been going on
recently, if you're you know, ifyou're uh following the
political landscape, well, it'sconstantly something, right?
(09:52):
If you're following uh eitherside, you know, you've got one
side that's raising hell aboutthe other, and that may feed
some sort of need inside of you.
That may feed some sort of uhmake you feel good that things
are going your way.
So you want to watch more ofthat because it feeds some sort
(10:15):
of need inside of you, and and agood example of that is you
know, when you know, whenCharlie Kirk got assassinated,
you know, I found myselfembedded in everything that was
going on, watching the otherside freak out, watching the
(10:36):
Charlie Kirk fans come together.
And how much time did I wastewatching those two things?
And did it benefit my life?
No, it didn't benefit my life.
Did my life change because Iwatched all that garbage on
social media?
(10:56):
It didn't change, it onlyprobably weighed me down more if
I'm being completelytransparent with you, because
then I'm thinking about afterI'm done scrolling, I'm thinking
about, well, how crazy are theone side or the other, or gosh,
I mean, it the the opportunitycost again is massive.
(11:19):
What could I have been doingwith my time to better my own
life?
And this may sound a bitselfish, but the truth of the
matter is if you don't payattention to your own life,
nobody else is going to.
And you know, uh, I thinkrecovery has given me an
(11:46):
opportunity, you know, to putthe brakes, at least on my
drinking and drugging.
It's been a little over two anda half years since I've had
anything foreign in my body.
And my life is significantlybetter for it.
You know, the clarity that I'vehad recently, I've been going
(12:08):
through and looking at thepeople that I need to make some
amends to.
And there's a freedom to owningyour part in a situation, and I
think lots of times we overlookour part in a lot of things,
(12:33):
but we think, well, that persondid this thing to me.
Well, they probably didn't doit to you.
It could have been how youinterpreted it, it could have
been that they were having ashitty day and they just took it
(12:53):
out on you, and now you've gota resentment towards that person
when in reality you're the onlyone holding the resentment.
They may not even know thatwhat they did affected you.
And so who's responsible forsolving that?
(13:17):
That would be you.
You're responsible for yourside of the street, you're
responsible for making amendswhen there's a problem, and
personal responsibility issomething that I'm emphatic on.
It's something that I I Ibelieve in in my life.
(13:42):
You know, when you're wrong,you've got to admit that you're
wrong.
And that's hard to dosometimes.
You know, that's really hard todo.
And I'll give you, you know, anexample as it pertains to
(14:03):
professional life in sales.
When someone doesn't buy fromyou, it doesn't necessarily mean
it was because of you.
In fact, most likely it wasn'tbecause of you.
And if you don't know why theydidn't buy from you, that's
because you didn't ask enoughquestions.
You didn't dig as deep as youcould, because there's always a
(14:24):
reason why they didn't buy fromyou.
And if you don't ask enoughquestions, then you're not going
to get the right answers, andyou're not going to get the
truth.
And customers will lie to you,but you've got to be able to
sort through that and find outwhat the reason is.
And maybe the reason is aboutthe money, or maybe it is about
(14:45):
the product, or maybe it isabout how you presented, but you
got to find that out.
Because look, if you don't, ifyou don't find out the reason
why they didn't buy from you,you can't make a better
presentation next time, or youcan't you can't get better.
And uh feedback is important,and feedback in recovery,
(15:08):
feedback in your professionallife, feedback from your
partner, and sometimes we don'tlike to hear that because it
feels like rejection when we getfeedback from other people, and
so a lot of times we just willavoid, especially salespeople,
(15:31):
will avoid asking the hardquestions in fear of the answer,
and that fear will control yourwhole life.
And if you leave a uh if you goon a sales call and you don't
find out these things, thenyou're gonna carry that into
(15:51):
your next sales call, and it'sgonna affect how you present,
it's gonna affect if thecustomer buys or not.
But if you ask the rightquestions, even if the answer is
still no, and you find out whythe answer is no, well then
you're better prepared for thenext call.
(16:14):
But you gotta be willing toaccept what they say, and it's
kind of like the amends processin recovery.
You know, when you make amendsto someone, that doesn't mean
you're gonna get a good result.
It doesn't mean that is gonnabe a positive conversation
(16:36):
because sometimes it's it's justnot.
Sometimes, in you know, whenyou've been in addiction, you've
caused a lot of pain for otherpeople, and they may not be
willing to accept you saying Iwas wrong.
Now, a lot of people do, and umand a lot of pe and a lot of
(17:39):
times the amends process iseasier than what it looks like
it's gonna be, but you just haveto do it the right way, and
sometimes the best amends is notever talking to that person
again that you've caused so muchdamage with.
And if you're gonna furthercause more damage, then lots of
(18:01):
times it's not the best thing todo.
Because if your amends is to anex-girlfriend that now is
happily married with a kid, andand and what you did was so
devastating, your best best tonot bark up that tree again.
But here's what you can do youcan live a better life, you can
(18:24):
be a better person, and a lot oftimes in recovery, our job is
to show up differently than wedid when we were drinking and
drugging.
Our job is to not do thosethings to other people again,
(18:46):
and sometimes that is theamends, is that you show up
differently.
And if you're not in recovery,I don't know how you figure
these things out.
Um, I'm grateful that I have aframework that I can go through
and that I can learn how to livea better life, be a better
(19:09):
employee, be a better person.
You know, I try to be the sameperson no matter if somebody's
looking or if they're notlooking.
And so imagine, you know, ifyou're this guy, and I see
people do this all the time, itdrives me insane.
When I see people, you know,shove their grocery cart next to
(19:40):
somebody's car instead of justtaking it back into the store or
putting it in the little metalslot that it's supposed to go
into.
Um if you do things like thatwhen people aren't looking, you
know that.
(20:00):
And you know that you're adirtbag.
And so other people are gonnabe able to see those traits in
you, those characteristics thatyou are doing in the dark are
gonna show up in the light.
And it's just kind of the theuniverse kind of uh conspires to
(20:27):
show people that the kind ofperson that you really are, and
so and it's really hard to be asuccessful contributor to
society if you're doing thingsthat you know aren't on the up
(20:51):
and up.
So are there things in yourlife that you would that you're
doing in the dark that you'drather not be doing because it's
probably affecting your lifewhere you don't even realize it
because you know and that's thething, you you think maybe you
(21:12):
think that these things don'tmatter, but they do, they do
matter, you know.
I've done a lot of personaldevelopment, I've worked on
myself, I've done a lot tochange the person that you see
(21:34):
today, and I don't say that in abragging way by any stretch.
I just kind of got tired ofbeing the guy that left the
shopping cart beside someone'scar.
I just kind of got tired ofbeing the guy that tried to take
shortcuts.
I got tired of being the guythat was in addiction and
(21:58):
couldn't figure out how tochange my life.
And so I had to ask for help.
And thank God there wassomebody there.
Thank God there was somebodythere to give me the help.
And um, you know, if you'restruggling, there's a way out of
(22:24):
this.
And look, everybody that's beenthrough addiction, it's wild.
Like if you think about uhanybody that's been through
addiction has seen and done andheard and been through more than
you can even imagine if you'venot been in addiction.
And the things that we've gonethrough, it makes a lot of
things in life a bit easier.
(22:47):
It's really way easier to showup at work when you've been
without a job and broke.
It's way easier to show up forsomebody and do the right thing
when you've been doing the wrongthing forever.
And when that shift happens,you're a better person for it.
I've been a better person forit.
(23:09):
And I'm not saying that Ialways do the right thing.
I try my best to do the rightthing.
I'm a human being, so I fallshort from time to time.
But at the same time, you know,my intention is to always do
the right thing, whethersomebody's looking or whether
they're not looking.
And I would ask you, is thathow you show up in your life?
(23:34):
You know, if you're atechnician and you make and you
do shortcuts or you lie to thecustomer and say they need to
replace a capacitor when theydon't, that's why you're
struggling because you're notdoing the right thing.
It's not the right thing tosell somebody something that
(23:56):
they don't need or want.
Even if it costs you money inthe short term, on commission or
spiffs or whatever it is, inthe long run, you're gonna make
more money, you're gonna be ahappier person, you're gonna
live a better life.
But so many people get caughtup in doing the wrong thing and
(24:19):
make taking shortcuts and lyingto customers.
And I mean, I can just tell youthat I've seen it over and
over.
And um, it's a famine mindset.
It's oh, I you know, I've gotto sell this capacitor to this
customer because there may notbe another opportunity.
(24:40):
My friend, there's that's notthat's the wrong way to think.
Because it's gonna cost youmore in the long run than it
will to just say, hey, you'vegot six more months before this
thing goes out.
I'm happy to replace it todayif you'd like.
Or you can wait till it goescompletely out in six months.
(25:02):
And I can't tell you it's gonnabe six months.
That's what I think from myexperience, is it looks like
it's on its last leg and and uhyou're gonna have to replace it
soon, or we can just do it nowso I don't have to come back out
here.
But Mr.
Customer, that's your decision,not mine.
It's your it's your house, it'syour air conditioner.
(25:23):
Do you want to be stuck in themiddle of July with a broken air
conditioner?
Do you want your family to haveto potentially go two or three
days without air conditionerbecause we can't get out here
because we're gonna be slambusy, because that's the nature
of our business.
When it gets hot, we get busy.
(25:44):
And I'd like to think we'd getout the same day, but I can't
guarantee that.
But I can guarantee if I changeit out today in six months, you
won't have that problem inJuly.
But it's just being honest withthe customer and letting them
know what their options are.
And they the customer alwayshas an option to do nothing,
(26:09):
it's always an option, it's justlike it's always an option to
never get sober.
Not a great option, though.
But you have the ability tosay, you know, I'm just not
willing to put in the work toget sober.
I'm just gonna keep doing it myway.
(26:29):
And a lot of people die thatway, and a lot of salespeople
get, you know, they lose theirjob because they just can't be
honest.
And I think a lot ofsalespeople get a really bad rap
because there are a lot of guysout there that are not honest.
(26:50):
It's the right thing to do.
Would you want somebody to sellyour mom something that she
didn't need?
No, you wouldn't.
So why would you do that tosomebody else?
Not a great idea.
But that's just how some peoplethink and how they act and how
(27:11):
they conduct business and howthey conduct their own life.
And likely if you're shamingpeople out of things and you're
suggesting things that theydon't need or want, you're
probably doing shady stuff inyour life that you're not proud
of.
And so I hope that's not thecase.
But here's the thing (27:28):
you can change.
And today is the best day towhat do they say?
That today's the best, uh,yesterday was the best day to
plant a tree.
The second best day is today.
So if you're struggling withsome of these things, ask
yourself why and find out a wayto fix them.
(27:49):
There's so many things outthere that can help you change
your life and you not have tolive this way, or you can just
hang on to them from now untilthe next 10 years until you get
in enough pain that you decidethat you want to change.
So I'll leave you with that.
And I appreciate you guyslistening.
I appreciate you spending thistime with me.
(28:12):
If you would leave us a review,make sure you've subscribed to
the podcast.
So every Friday at 4 a.m.
when I put this bad boy out,you get notified.
Appreciate you guys.
We'll see you.
We'll see you soon.
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, I'm going totalk to you about my experience
with character building.
You know, I think a lot ofthings in life, while it may
seem like a mistake, it's reallya lesson.
(01:24):
If you learn from it and don'tdo it again, obviously.
Um, I think some of the hardestlessons that I've had to learn
in my life have built thecharacter that you have, that
you see today.
And lots of times, I don't knowabout you, but lots of times I
(01:45):
don't give myself enough creditor any credit.
I don't celebrate the thingsthat I've accomplished in my
life.
And what I mean by byaccomplishment, I don't mean
like accolades.
I don't mean accomplishments inbusiness or the success of this
(02:09):
podcast or that I've written abook.
I don't I don't mean any uh ofthat.
All those are external thingsthat you know seem like what
makes up a person.
You know, if I asked you, youknow, who are you, you might
say, well, I'm a CEO of acompany, or I'm a business
(02:32):
owner, or you know, I'm an HVACtech or I'm uh whatever, fill in
the blank.
But really, that's what you doin life.
That's not what you are.
And so I've had to take adeeper look at, you know, who am
(02:52):
I as a person?
And, you know, there's a lot ofattributes that make up you as
a person.
It could be negativeattributes, it could be positive
attributes.
You know, I I lots of timesdon't look at some of the hard
things that I've gone through.
Um, and I don't say that to belike I'm, you know, arrived
(03:17):
because it's certainly not thecase, but I have put in the work
to get sober a couple of timesnow, and it is a massive
deflation of the ego to be ableto, you know, to have to admit
that you need help, especiallyas a man.
(03:40):
It's tough to ask for help,whether that be in your job or
whether that be in with anaddiction or or in a
relationship.
And a lot of that stems fromnot wanting to be rejected.
And uh a lot of that stems fromyou know, some sort of
(04:00):
childhood rejection that you'veprobably gone through or that I
went through.
And uh, unless you take a lookat those things, it's hard to
overcome them.
And for me, those things haveshowed up in my life, you know,
over and over in relationships,in workplace, in friendships.
(04:23):
And it's hard to recognizebecause you get this internal
feeling of fear for asking forwhat you want, again, whether
that be in a relationship or ajob or whatever that might be,
because maybe there's aself-worth uh issue there.
And and and I think that wasthe case for me, for sure.
(04:46):
You know, I didn't feel worthyof the thing that I wanted to
ask for, so I just didn't askfor it.
And um, one of the things thatI've you know, one of the parts
of recovery is you know, makingamends.
And when I say making amends,what that really looks like is
(05:11):
you take a look at the peoplethat you've done a disservice
to.
And when I say done adisservice, it doesn't mean
you've done something bad tothose people, but maybe you were
in a a job and you didn't askfor what you wanted, and
therefore you carried aresentment towards that owner or
towards that business ortowards that job, or maybe
(05:33):
you're in a relationship whereyou know you you want your
partner to do something andyou're not willing to ask
because you're afraid of whatthey may say.
I've been there and done thatfor sure, and it doesn't feel
good.
Um, it's not a good feeling tonot be able to express how you
(05:57):
feel, uh, whether that be in ajob or whether that be in a
relationship or a friendship orwhatever it may be.
And what I've found is thatwhen I'm afraid to ask for what
I want, you know, thatresentment builds.
And and you push it to theside, right?
(06:20):
You push it down, no big deal.
It's okay, you know, they'llchange, they'll come around,
they'll offer me the, you know,they'll offer me the raise,
they'll, you know, my partnerwill, you know, begin to see
that they're not doing theirpart.
Well, the problem, you know,with that I found is that I'm
(06:48):
the one that suffers when Idon't ask for what I want or I
don't speak up about things thatare bothering me.
And those micro resentmentsthen turn into me carrying
around baggage that affects therest of my life or affects the
(07:11):
rest of my day, my week.
And they're micro resentments,they're not big deals, they're
not huge things, but thoselittle things build up to bigger
things.
And I think, you know, that iswhy I think a lot of people turn
to drugs and alcohol andpornography and social media to
(07:35):
distract themselves from what'sgoing on in their life.
And that's been the case forme.
You know, uh, when you removethose things from your life,
whether it be drugs or alcoholor scrolling endlessly on social
media, you're kind of left withyourself and your own thoughts.
(07:59):
And that's a scary place forsomebody like me because I'm
constantly moving and constantlydoing something, and I'm
constantly distracted.
And so recently, um, I havetaken this guy's advice named
Dr.
K and several other people astheir advice about you know
(08:21):
meditating in silence, which isnot an easy thing for me to do,
but I've forced myself to do it,and I've had a lot of clarity
from that practice.
And I just light a candle, Isit on my bed, leave, watch the
candle for 10 minutes, and itfrees up my brain to not have
(08:49):
any of those distractions, andthen I get to recognize well,
what have I been distractingmyself with?
And how what's the opportunitycost for that distraction?
We'll use social media as agreat example.
You know, how many times do youopen your phone and you just
doom scroll?
(09:09):
Or you just want to check onthis one person, and then boom,
you're 15 or 20 minutes in andyou've wasted that 15 or 20
minutes.
What's the opportunity costwhen that happens?
What could you have been doingthat would have been more
beneficial than scrolling onsocial media?
It's a real easy thing to do,and it's also very dangerous
(09:31):
because you're likely losingproductivity, you're likely
losing peace of mind.
And especially with the thingsthat have been going on
recently, if you're you know, ifyou're uh following the
political landscape, well, it'sconstantly something, right?
(09:52):
If you're following uh eitherside, you know, you've got one
side that's raising hell aboutthe other, and that may feed
some sort of need inside of you.
That may feed some sort of uhmake you feel good that things
are going your way.
So you want to watch more ofthat because it feeds some sort
(10:15):
of need inside of you, and and agood example of that is you
know, when you know, whenCharlie Kirk got assassinated,
you know, I found myselfembedded in everything that was
going on, watching the otherside freak out, watching the
(10:36):
Charlie Kirk fans come together.
And how much time did I wastewatching those two things?
And did it benefit my life?
No, it didn't benefit my life.
Did my life change because Iwatched all that garbage on
social media?
(10:56):
It didn't change, it onlyprobably weighed me down more if
I'm being completelytransparent with you, because
then I'm thinking about afterI'm done scrolling, I'm thinking
about, well, how crazy are theone side or the other, or gosh,
I mean, it the the opportunitycost again is massive.
(11:19):
What could I have been doingwith my time to better my own
life?
And this may sound a bitselfish, but the truth of the
matter is if you don't payattention to your own life,
nobody else is going to.
And you know, uh, I thinkrecovery has given me an
(11:46):
opportunity, you know, to putthe brakes, at least on my
drinking and drugging.
It's been a little over two anda half years since I've had
anything foreign in my body.
And my life is significantlybetter for it.
You know, the clarity that I'vehad recently, I've been going
(12:08):
through and looking at thepeople that I need to make some
amends to.
And there's a freedom to owningyour part in a situation, and I
think lots of times we overlookour part in a lot of things,
(12:33):
but we think, well, that persondid this thing to me.
Well, they probably didn't doit to you.
It could have been how youinterpreted it, it could have
been that they were having ashitty day and they just took it
(12:53):
out on you, and now you've gota resentment towards that person
when in reality you're the onlyone holding the resentment.
They may not even know thatwhat they did affected you.
And so who's responsible forsolving that?
(13:17):
That would be you.
You're responsible for yourside of the street, you're
responsible for making amendswhen there's a problem, and
personal responsibility issomething that I'm emphatic on.
It's something that I I Ibelieve in in my life.
(13:42):
You know, when you're wrong,you've got to admit that you're
wrong.
And that's hard to dosometimes.
You know, that's really hard todo.
And I'll give you, you know, anexample as it pertains to
(14:03):
professional life in sales.
When someone doesn't buy fromyou, it doesn't necessarily mean
it was because of you.
In fact, most likely it wasn'tbecause of you.
And if you don't know why theydidn't buy from you, that's
because you didn't ask enoughquestions.
You didn't dig as deep as youcould, because there's always a
(14:24):
reason why they didn't buy fromyou.
And if you don't ask enoughquestions, then you're not going
to get the right answers, andyou're not going to get the
truth.
And customers will lie to you,but you've got to be able to
sort through that and find outwhat the reason is.
And maybe the reason is aboutthe money, or maybe it is about
(14:45):
the product, or maybe it isabout how you presented, but you
got to find that out.
Because look, if you don't, ifyou don't find out the reason
why they didn't buy from you,you can't make a better
presentation next time, or youcan't you can't get better.
And uh feedback is important,and feedback in recovery,
(15:08):
feedback in your professionallife, feedback from your
partner, and sometimes we don'tlike to hear that because it
feels like rejection when we getfeedback from other people, and
so a lot of times we just willavoid, especially salespeople,
(15:31):
will avoid asking the hardquestions in fear of the answer,
and that fear will control yourwhole life.
And if you leave a uh if you goon a sales call and you don't
find out these things, thenyou're gonna carry that into
(15:51):
your next sales call, and it'sgonna affect how you present,
it's gonna affect if thecustomer buys or not.
But if you ask the rightquestions, even if the answer is
still no, and you find out whythe answer is no, well then
you're better prepared for thenext call.
(16:14):
But you gotta be willing toaccept what they say, and it's
kind of like the amends processin recovery.
You know, when you make amendsto someone, that doesn't mean
you're gonna get a good result.
It doesn't mean that is gonnabe a positive conversation
(16:36):
because sometimes it's it's justnot.
Sometimes, in you know, whenyou've been in addiction, you've
caused a lot of pain for otherpeople, and they may not be
willing to accept you saying Iwas wrong.
Now, a lot of people do, and umand a lot of pe and a lot of
(17:39):
times the amends process iseasier than what it looks like
it's gonna be, but you just haveto do it the right way, and
sometimes the best amends is notever talking to that person
again that you've caused so muchdamage with.
And if you're gonna furthercause more damage, then lots of
(18:01):
times it's not the best thing todo.
Because if your amends is to anex-girlfriend that now is
happily married with a kid, andand and what you did was so
devastating, your best best tonot bark up that tree again.
But here's what you can do youcan live a better life, you can
(18:24):
be a better person, and a lot oftimes in recovery, our job is
to show up differently than wedid when we were drinking and
drugging.
Our job is to not do thosethings to other people again,
(18:46):
and sometimes that is theamends, is that you show up
differently.
And if you're not in recovery,I don't know how you figure
these things out.
Um, I'm grateful that I have aframework that I can go through
and that I can learn how to livea better life, be a better
(19:09):
employee, be a better person.
You know, I try to be the sameperson no matter if somebody's
looking or if they're notlooking.
And so imagine, you know, ifyou're this guy, and I see
people do this all the time, itdrives me insane.
When I see people, you know,shove their grocery cart next to
(19:40):
somebody's car instead of justtaking it back into the store or
putting it in the little metalslot that it's supposed to go
into.
Um if you do things like thatwhen people aren't looking, you
know that.
(20:00):
And you know that you're adirtbag.
And so other people are gonnabe able to see those traits in
you, those characteristics thatyou are doing in the dark are
gonna show up in the light.
And it's just kind of the theuniverse kind of uh conspires to
(20:27):
show people that the kind ofperson that you really are, and
so and it's really hard to be asuccessful contributor to
society if you're doing thingsthat you know aren't on the up
(20:51):
and up.
So are there things in yourlife that you would that you're
doing in the dark that you'drather not be doing because it's
probably affecting your lifewhere you don't even realize it
because you know and that's thething, you you think maybe you
(21:12):
think that these things don'tmatter, but they do, they do
matter, you know.
I've done a lot of personaldevelopment, I've worked on
myself, I've done a lot tochange the person that you see
(21:34):
today, and I don't say that in abragging way by any stretch.
I just kind of got tired ofbeing the guy that left the
shopping cart beside someone'scar.
I just kind of got tired ofbeing the guy that tried to take
shortcuts.
I got tired of being the guythat was in addiction and
(21:58):
couldn't figure out how tochange my life.
And so I had to ask for help.
And thank God there wassomebody there.
Thank God there was somebodythere to give me the help.
And um, you know, if you'restruggling, there's a way out of
(22:24):
this.
And look, everybody that's beenthrough addiction, it's wild.
Like if you think about uhanybody that's been through
addiction has seen and done andheard and been through more than
you can even imagine if you'venot been in addiction.
And the things that we've gonethrough, it makes a lot of
things in life a bit easier.
(22:47):
It's really way easier to showup at work when you've been
without a job and broke.
It's way easier to show up forsomebody and do the right thing
when you've been doing the wrongthing forever.
And when that shift happens,you're a better person for it.
I've been a better person forit.
(23:09):
And I'm not saying that Ialways do the right thing.
I try my best to do the rightthing.
I'm a human being, so I fallshort from time to time.
But at the same time, you know,my intention is to always do
the right thing, whethersomebody's looking or whether
they're not looking.
And I would ask you, is thathow you show up in your life?
(23:34):
You know, if you're atechnician and you make and you
do shortcuts or you lie to thecustomer and say they need to
replace a capacitor when theydon't, that's why you're
struggling because you're notdoing the right thing.
It's not the right thing tosell somebody something that
(23:56):
they don't need or want.
Even if it costs you money inthe short term, on commission or
spiffs or whatever it is, inthe long run, you're gonna make
more money, you're gonna be ahappier person, you're gonna
live a better life.
But so many people get caughtup in doing the wrong thing and
(24:19):
make taking shortcuts and lyingto customers.
And I mean, I can just tell youthat I've seen it over and
over.
And um, it's a famine mindset.
It's oh, I you know, I've gotto sell this capacitor to this
customer because there may notbe another opportunity.
(24:40):
My friend, there's that's notthat's the wrong way to think.
Because it's gonna cost youmore in the long run than it
will to just say, hey, you'vegot six more months before this
thing goes out.
I'm happy to replace it todayif you'd like.
Or you can wait till it goescompletely out in six months.
(25:02):
And I can't tell you it's gonnabe six months.
That's what I think from myexperience, is it looks like
it's on its last leg and and uhyou're gonna have to replace it
soon, or we can just do it nowso I don't have to come back out
here.
But Mr.
Customer, that's your decision,not mine.
It's your it's your house, it'syour air conditioner.
(25:23):
Do you want to be stuck in themiddle of July with a broken air
conditioner?
Do you want your family to haveto potentially go two or three
days without air conditionerbecause we can't get out here
because we're gonna be slambusy, because that's the nature
of our business.
When it gets hot, we get busy.
(25:44):
And I'd like to think we'd getout the same day, but I can't
guarantee that.
But I can guarantee if I changeit out today in six months, you
won't have that problem inJuly.
But it's just being honest withthe customer and letting them
know what their options are.
And they the customer alwayshas an option to do nothing,
(26:09):
it's always an option, it's justlike it's always an option to
never get sober.
Not a great option, though.
But you have the ability tosay, you know, I'm just not
willing to put in the work toget sober.
I'm just gonna keep doing it myway.
(26:29):
And a lot of people die thatway, and a lot of salespeople
get, you know, they lose theirjob because they just can't be
honest.
And I think a lot ofsalespeople get a really bad rap
because there are a lot of guysout there that are not honest.
(26:50):
It's the right thing to do.
Would you want somebody to sellyour mom something that she
didn't need?
No, you wouldn't.
So why would you do that tosomebody else?
Not a great idea.
But that's just how some peoplethink and how they act and how
(27:11):
they conduct business and howthey conduct their own life.
And likely if you're shamingpeople out of things and you're
suggesting things that theydon't need or want, you're
probably doing shady stuff inyour life that you're not proud
of.
And so I hope that's not thecase.
But here's the thing (27:28):
you can change.
And today is the best day towhat do they say?
That today's the best, uh,yesterday was the best day to
plant a tree.
The second best day is today.
So if you're struggling withsome of these things, ask
yourself why and find out a wayto fix them.
(27:49):
There's so many things outthere that can help you change
your life and you not have tolive this way, or you can just
hang on to them from now untilthe next 10 years until you get
in enough pain that you decidethat you want to change.
So I'll leave you with that.
And I appreciate you guyslistening.
I appreciate you spending thistime with me.
(28:12):
If you would leave us a review,make sure you've subscribed to
the podcast.
So every Friday at 4 a.m.
when I put this bad boy out,you get notified.
Appreciate you guys.
We'll see you.
We'll see you soon.
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