November 14, 2025 • 29 mins
What if the confidence you’ve been chasing is really a mask that’s wearing you down? I open up about imposter syndrome, fear of rejection, and the years I used alcohol and drugs to feel like I belonged. The stories aren’t pretty—Vegas couches, dangerous company, and the slow erosion of self-worth—but they’re true, and they explain why shortcuts to confidence always collapse.
Sobriety didn’t magically erase my doubts; it gave me clear ground to do the work. I talk through the humbling season of losing jobs, driving Uber to keep moving, and learning to accept where I am instead of clinging to a fantasy of where I should be. We get into practical tools: using transcendental meditation to sit still and face hard truths, putting action behind prayer, and choosing surrender over force so progress doesn’t rely on white-knuckling everything alone. I share how making amends—especially around a stalled AI venture—helped loosen the grip of imposter thoughts and made selling from service feel possible again.
You’ll also hear why real community matters. Recovery gave me people who show up, no questions asked, and that kind of support flips the script on isolation. Along the way, a carful of executives reminded me that even polished professionals wrestle with the same fears. If you’re leaning on alcohol or weed to outrun rejection, consider this a clear warning: the bill comes due, and it’s brutal. There’s a better path built on honesty, small daily actions, and faith that meets you halfway.
If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review. Your words help more people find a real way forward. New episodes drop every Friday at 4 a.m.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
CoreyBerrier (01:00):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I am your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, we're goingto go a little bit deep into the
paint, so to speak.
You know, as I've talked aboutmy sobriety on this podcast and
(01:24):
some of those things, thejourney that I've been on and
the different things that havehappened.
You know, one of the thingsthat I've come to realize is
there's a lot of impostersyndrome that I deal with.
(01:45):
There's a lot of fear ofrejection that I deal with.
And I see this in salespeopleall the time.
The reason I can I can see itin salespeople is because I deal
with the same thing.
You know, for me, it gave methe opportunity, you know, to be
(02:32):
somebody else.
It gave me the opportunity toreally to show you who I really
wasn't, but who I really wantedto be.
Alcohol's that liquid courage.
(02:52):
And you know, from an earlyage, alcohol made me feel
different.
Alcohol made me feel like adifferent person, it made me
feel like I fit in, it made mefeel like I was a part of the
group.
And um, and I'm sure all thatstems from childhood.
(03:17):
I mean, from what I've foundrecently, yeah, it it all stems
from childhood.
I'm not exactly sure.
Can't pinpoint the specific,you know, time or place that
happened, or maybe there wasmultiple times or places that
happened, who knows?
But the point is, is you know,alcohol covers up that fear of
(03:41):
rejection, that impostersyndrome, that thought in your
mind, or in my mind, that says,you know, you're not good enough
to be on the team, or you'renot good enough to be in this
position, or I had to pause thisrecording because I had an
(04:22):
important message come through,and so I thought about just
redoing the whole damn podcast,and I thought, you know what,
it's it doesn't really matter.
I'm gonna pick up as best as Ican, you know, where I where I
left off because it is what itis, shit happens, and um so it
(04:44):
was talking about fear ofrejection, imposter syndrome,
and how alcohol helped me tocover that up.
And it did it for a lot ofyears, and um that's why I kept
doing it because it made me feeldifferent than how I wanted to
(05:05):
feel.
You know, it made me feel likeI was, like I said earlier, a
part of the group, you know, andthe part of the group that
drank and did drugs was uhcertainly in high school the
people that I wanted to be with,in college, the people I wanted
to be with.
But you know, there were alsotimes where I didn't want to be
(05:33):
in that group, and I remember Ithought about this the other
day.
You know, I remember when I wasbetween high school and
college.
Um, I remember I was working ina restaurant and I made friends
with this girl, and she saidshe had a friend also named
(05:56):
Corey.
And ironically, no joke, he wasalso born on the same day,
different year, but same date ofbirth, same name.
He did spell his namedifferently, but either way, it
was like coincidences.
I don't really believe incoincidences, so I thought,
well, this has got to be awonderful human being if all
(06:18):
those things match up.
And um this guy was a he was acarney, and so I remember, you
know, I didn't grow up likethat.
I grew up in a in a in a niceneighborhood with good, you
know, good parents for the lackof, you know, uh, they were good
(06:41):
to me, so to speak.
You know, they were you know,they did the best with what they
had, and um you know, I'msitting in this guy's you know,
in his shitty, shitty house.
And we're doing, you know,we're doing cocaine, and this
(07:05):
has been, you know, at thispoint 30, almost 30 years ago.
And I just remember thinking tomyself, like, how the hell did
I wind up here in this guy'sshitty house doing drugs with a
guy with a guy that is a carneythat he works at the carnival?
(07:29):
And I mean, you in my opinion,outside of one other story I'll
tell you, you don't get muchlower than that.
I mean, God almighty, I I canonly think of one other time
that I felt that way, and Idon't even think I felt as bad
(07:50):
this time as I did that time,but I remember um so I moved to
Las Vegas because I got when Igot I just had a funny feeling.
My best friend had moved outthere with his fiance, and um I
just had a weird, weird feelingI was dealing drugs back in my
(08:11):
hometown, and you know, my lifewas going nowhere.
And so I decided to board atrain for five and a half days
to Las Vegas, technically it wasto Needles, California, and
then I had to take a van to LasVegas because the train doesn't
run through Vegas, and so I getout there, and him and I, you
(08:33):
know, do a bunch of drugs andget kicked out of his fiance's
house, and we're staying withthis lady, and so there's two
parts to this.
So we're staying with this ladythat I worked with at this
telemarketing company, and atnight, now keep in mind this
(08:53):
woman was 250 pounds, lookedawful.
I mean, she was disgusting.
Her house was disgusting, butwe really had nowhere else to
go.
And at night, she was a1-900-number operator, meaning
(09:18):
she was a phone sex worker, andso I'm in this house doing drugs
with my best friend and her,and that's her job at night.
You can just imagine, and thiswas the nastiest house you've
ever seen in your life.
It was about as nasty as theother Corey's house, it was
(09:41):
disgusting.
I didn't stay there very long.
So I moved in with this otherguy that I worked with named
Perry from Ohio, who had fewteeth.
I mean, just again, anothersituation where I found myself
because of my drug and alcoholuse, that was ridiculous.
(10:04):
I slept in a room with a boaconstrictor, and I am terrified
of snakes.
So I meet this guy, Ian,upstairs in this apartment
complex.
And he's from the East Coast.
He's the only guy I know fromthe East Coast because my best
friend went back to his fiance.
And long story short, him and Istarted hanging out doing more
(10:26):
drugs, harder drugs thananything I've mentioned so far.
And I remember sitting on acouch, you know, I had a polo
shirt on and, you know, khakishorts and tennis shoes looking
like I came off the golf course.
Um, and I was sitting betweenthis guy, these two guys, one
(10:46):
was named Ed to my right, andone guy was named Stormy to my
left.
Now I'm sitting on a couch withthese two clowns, and they knew
each other from a maximumsecurity prison.
So not good people.
Stormy had a car key that wouldfit any Saturn in the city, and
(11:10):
he would just steal Saturns toget around.
I mean, like, when you talkabout criminals, these people
were the hardest criminals I hadever been around in my life.
But they had drugs, so it wasfine.
We're sitting on this couch,and the television was on.
(11:32):
The five o'clock news comes on.
And sure as I sit, as sure as Isit here today, Stormy and Ed
were on the five o'clock newsfor robbing a small casino
outside of Las Vegas.
Dude, I almost had a flippingstroke.
(11:52):
And literally, I just I wasparalyzed.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say, Ididn't know what to do, so I
didn't do anything, thank God.
And nobody in the room said aword about anything, they just
acted like it didn't happen.
Well, shortly, Stormy and Edleft, thank God.
(12:14):
And Ian looks at me and he'slike, dude, I don't, I'm not so
sure how you're still sittinghere.
I said, I'm not sure either.
And I got out of there, andneedless to say, I never went
back.
But you know, my confidence wasso low, and my self-worth was
(12:34):
so low.
That's the kind of places thatdrugs and alcohol took me.
And thank God there is a God,because if there weren't, I
would be dead.
And um, you know, it's youknow, it's stories like that
that I look back on and I thinkGod that I don't have to worry
(12:58):
about those things today.
That doesn't mean that I stillhave a whole lot of
self-confidence, that doesn'tmean that I'm not don't feel
like an imposter a lot of times.
It doesn't mean that I'vedefeated the fear of rejection
because none of those things aretrue.
But what is true today is I amworking on those things, and the
(13:22):
truth is I don't have it alltogether.
You know, I've lost a couple ofjobs this year, and I'm
currently driving Uber becauseit is the thing that I can do
right now to make money, andthank God it's there, and thank
God I'm sober because otherwiseI'd probably just be sitting
(13:47):
watching all my bills pile upwith this grand illusion that
somehow magically I'm just gonnaget a job offer tomorrow and
everything's gonna be okay.
And then I would think that thenext day.
And then I would think that thenext day until I was so far in
(14:08):
the hole that um that I'dprobably be thinking about doing
something that I shouldn't bedoing.
And, you know, that's wherealcohol can take me, or or or
weed even, um, is not thinkingclearly about my current
(14:28):
situation and living in thisdelusion of grandeur that has in
the past kept me stuck.
I mean, there's a lot of timesthat I think I'm way smarter
than I am, or that I'm waybetter than I am.
There's a lot of times I thinkthat I should be in a much
(14:52):
better position than I am.
And the truth of the matter is,is I've had to accept exactly
where I am in my currentjourney.
And that is I get up and Igrind every day the best I can
until the next best thing comesaround.
(15:15):
And it's been, you know, it'sbeen a very humbling experience.
You know, I've got thispodcast, and I think people look
at me a certain way, and maybethey do, but here's the truth of
the matter (15:31):
you're just looking at another dude like you behind
a microphone, and that's theonly difference between you and
me if you don't have a podcast.
I struggle with the same shityou struggle with.
I struggle with the same crazythoughts that you struggle with,
you know, and I'm just beinghonest with you here.
(16:31):
Because that's all I need to dois just to be honest and
transparent with you, because Idon't I don't think it serves me
to act like I've got it alltogether.
And believe me, I've triedthat.
And it's a struggle doing that,because when, you know, when
(16:54):
it's you know, when you're notbeing honest and you've got a
mask on and you're trying toportray that you're this person
that you're not, it wears youdown.
And maybe you've struggled withthis at times.
Maybe you're a single guy andyou're trying to date women and
(17:15):
you're showing them all yourbest sides.
Well, guess what?
That that dirtbag side of youis gonna come out eventually.
You know, um I think peopleappreciate authenticity.
And I haven't always beenauthentic, I can tell you.
(17:37):
But you know, I mentioned thisin the last podcast.
I've been doing this uhtranscendental meditation that
has given me a bit of insight uhthat I didn't have before.
It's given me the ability tosit still for a little bit,
which has been an awfulchallenge for me all my life.
(17:59):
You know, I'm constantlymoving, I'm constantly doing
something, I'm constantlyfilling my day with something,
whether it's a book, which ishelpful, unless you're just
trying not to look at yourself,or whether that's social media,
(18:20):
or whether that's fill in theblank.
Like I can find a millionreasons to not look at the hard
things in my life.
I can think of a million, youknow, because it's not it's
painful to look at the areas ofyour life that are not going
well.
But the only way I think to getpast those things that are not
(18:45):
going well is to look at themand figure out well, why what
are you doing, Corey?
What are you doing that ismaking you feel this way?
And I know this is kind of adeep conversation, and and
(19:06):
again, a lot of that stuff stemsfrom childhood, but still
you've got to look at why youmake the decisions that you
make.
I have to look at thedecisions, why I make the
decisions that I make.
And sometimes, a lot of times,that's because I'm trying to
play God.
You know, I'm trying to run theshow.
And I mean, I can just tell youthat doesn't work.
(19:28):
For me, it does, it justdoesn't work.
And, you know, no matter howhard I try to fit that round peg
into that square hole, it'sjust not gonna work.
But I can try, you know, I cantry to wheel my way through life
and it doesn't go very well.
It's difficult when you'retrying to make something work
(19:55):
and it's just not working.
It's much easier to rely onsomething else bigger than you.
For me, that's God, to takecontrol of the wheel.
Because when I'm driving, it'sa disaster.
But when I relax, take it easy,and allow things to come into
(20:17):
my life as they're supposed to,and not the way I want them to,
my life seems to be a biteasier.
But it's not easy.
It's not easy doing thatbecause you think, well, I'm a
dude, I've got to make thingshappen.
And there is some degree tothat.
You have to put action behindwhat you say.
(20:41):
You know, and I'm notsuggesting that you don't need
to take action.
You can't just pray to God thatthings are gonna change and do
nothing, because that's not alsonot gonna work.
You know, if you're praying forthings to change, then you've
got to put the action behindthose things if you want them to
change.
Because it doesn't, it's notjust gonna happen magically, and
(21:05):
and it's not gonna happen ifyou don't meet God halfway.
And that's what I had to dowith my sobriety is I had to
humble myself and say, you knowwhat, I can't do this anymore
alone.
And then I had to ask for help,and that's a hard thing for a
male like me to do is to ask forhelp.
(21:27):
You know, um, but one of thethings that I am very grateful
for is the people that I'msurrounded by in recovery.
You know, I messaged a guytoday and I said, Hey, would you
be willing to meet me for lunchtomorrow?
He's like, Absolutely, Corey,anytime.
(21:49):
Now, if you think about it, howmany people in your life do you
have that way?
Because before I got intorecovery, I had nobody.
I had nobody that would bewilling to drop what they're
doing and go meet me for lunchbecause I asked them to.
He didn't ask me why.
He didn't say, What do youwant?
He just said absolutely.
(22:11):
It gives me cold chills, makesthe hair stand.
Well, if I had hair on my arms,it would make them stand up.
Because listen, you know,beginning recovery has changed
my life.
And I believe that it couldchange yours if you are
(22:35):
struggling with some of thethings that I've listed today,
in addition to drugs andalcohol.
You know, some of these thingscan happen in your life without
having the substance abuse.
Um, you know, I was doing a anUber ride earlier today, and
these three guys, I was takingthem to the most prestigious
(22:57):
country club in Kerry.
Probably cost $50,000 to jointhere.
And, you know, immediately whenthey got in the car, I felt
less than.
Right?
I'm just the Uber driver.
I'm just the guy that'schauffeuring these rich people
around.
This was my first thought.
(23:17):
And we start driving, they'rereally nice, you know, they were
really nice people, and uh theywere talking about they're here
for for a conference, and theywere talking about how this
speaker came on and talked aboutfear of rejection.
(23:41):
And he talked about how he hadimposter syndrome, and that's
kind of what made me think aboutthis today because I'm sitting
there thinking, oh, I'm just thechauffeur, right?
I'm just the guy draw-uberingthese well-to-do people off.
And all three of those peoplein that car said, I suffer with
the same exact thing.
(24:01):
Now I'm just listening to theconversation, I'm not talking,
I'm not, you know, I'm justdoing my job while they're
talking.
And so it made me think, youknow, how many people also
struggle with imposter syndrome?
How many other people strugglewith the fear of rejection?
(24:22):
You know, my you know, I waspartnering in an AI company and
uh making amends to people thatI owe amends to.
And so I sent my my partner amessage and I said, you know, I
need to make an amends to youbecause my imposter syndrome and
my fear of rejection kicked in,and we could have made this a
(24:46):
successful company.
And it it was successful in itsown right, maybe not
financially successful, but wedid build a bunch of cool
things.
And um, but we just could nevermove the needle on those
things.
And that's because I didn't Ifelt like I was an imposter,
even though we I knew the thethings worked, like the the
(25:09):
things that we built worked, andthey were amazing.
And um, but I just couldn't Icouldn't move the needle
forward.
And as a sales guy, that'sreally tough.
And I think for me, you know,in the past, it's easier for me
to sell something of yours thanit is for me to sell myself
(25:31):
because I deal with thatimposter syndrome and I deal
with that um that fear ofrejection.
And um and he wrote me back andsaid, you know, Corey,
everybody deals with that.
This guy's really smart.
I mean, like stupid smart.
(25:53):
And he said, Look, dude, I I'vedealt with it in my life, and
it's okay.
He said, We built some reallycool things, and it's been great
working with you.
And the feeling that gave mewas, you know, coupled with
these people talking, it's like,wow, how many people really do
(26:18):
deal with imposter syndrome infear of rejection?
I I'm guessing a lot more thanI think, you know, because lots
of times I'm only thinking aboutme and what I'm dealing with,
and I must be the only person inthe world dealing with this
thing.
And the truth is, is that it'sprobably just not the case.
And so I don't know if you gotanything out of today.
(26:41):
I hope you did.
Um, maybe some of thisresonated with you, and and
maybe you're one of those peoplealso.
I don't know.
Um, I just don't know.
But I know I definitely fallinto that category, and I'm I'm
working on those things to toget better.
And um, and I would encourageyou to do the same thing.
(27:05):
And if you are struggling withdrugs and alcohol, man, you
know, you can only cover up thathurt and that fear and that
imposter syndrome for so long,and then that that drug or that
alcohol turns on you.
And when it turns on you, nowyou've got all that stuff I just
mentioned, plus you've got adrug and alcohol problem.
(27:26):
And that's a disaster.
That's a recipe for disaster.
And it's not going to work outfor you, most likely.
I haven't met anybody yet thatit's worked out for.
And so I appreciate youlistening to the podcast today.
It drops every Friday at 4 a.m.
And um I'd appreciate if you'dshare it with somebody that may
(27:49):
need to hear it.
I'd love to get some feedbackin that review section, that
always helps.
And uh, I appreciate youshowing up here every week.
I'm very grateful for youshowing up here every week to
listen to me yammer on aboutwhatever it is on my mind that
week.
(28:09):
And I do hope it's helpful.
Um, but if nothing else, ithelps me to kind of get this
out.
You know, it helps me to justto be honest with you and uh
tell you where I'm at.
And uh I appreciate you again.
We'll see you next Friday.
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I am your host, Corey Berrier.
And today, folks, we're goingto go a little bit deep into the
paint, so to speak.
You know, as I've talked aboutmy sobriety on this podcast and
(01:24):
some of those things, thejourney that I've been on and
the different things that havehappened.
You know, one of the thingsthat I've come to realize is
there's a lot of impostersyndrome that I deal with.
(01:45):
There's a lot of fear ofrejection that I deal with.
And I see this in salespeopleall the time.
The reason I can I can see itin salespeople is because I deal
with the same thing.
You know, for me, it gave methe opportunity, you know, to be
(02:32):
somebody else.
It gave me the opportunity toreally to show you who I really
wasn't, but who I really wantedto be.
Alcohol's that liquid courage.
(02:52):
And you know, from an earlyage, alcohol made me feel
different.
Alcohol made me feel like adifferent person, it made me
feel like I fit in, it made mefeel like I was a part of the
group.
And um, and I'm sure all thatstems from childhood.
(03:17):
I mean, from what I've foundrecently, yeah, it it all stems
from childhood.
I'm not exactly sure.
Can't pinpoint the specific,you know, time or place that
happened, or maybe there wasmultiple times or places that
happened, who knows?
But the point is, is you know,alcohol covers up that fear of
(03:41):
rejection, that impostersyndrome, that thought in your
mind, or in my mind, that says,you know, you're not good enough
to be on the team, or you'renot good enough to be in this
position, or I had to pause thisrecording because I had an
(04:22):
important message come through,and so I thought about just
redoing the whole damn podcast,and I thought, you know what,
it's it doesn't really matter.
I'm gonna pick up as best as Ican, you know, where I where I
left off because it is what itis, shit happens, and um so it
(04:44):
was talking about fear ofrejection, imposter syndrome,
and how alcohol helped me tocover that up.
And it did it for a lot ofyears, and um that's why I kept
doing it because it made me feeldifferent than how I wanted to
(05:05):
feel.
You know, it made me feel likeI was, like I said earlier, a
part of the group, you know, andthe part of the group that
drank and did drugs was uhcertainly in high school the
people that I wanted to be with,in college, the people I wanted
to be with.
But you know, there were alsotimes where I didn't want to be
(05:33):
in that group, and I remember Ithought about this the other
day.
You know, I remember when I wasbetween high school and
college.
Um, I remember I was working ina restaurant and I made friends
with this girl, and she saidshe had a friend also named
(05:56):
Corey.
And ironically, no joke, he wasalso born on the same day,
different year, but same date ofbirth, same name.
He did spell his namedifferently, but either way, it
was like coincidences.
I don't really believe incoincidences, so I thought,
well, this has got to be awonderful human being if all
(06:18):
those things match up.
And um this guy was a he was acarney, and so I remember, you
know, I didn't grow up likethat.
I grew up in a in a in a niceneighborhood with good, you
know, good parents for the lackof, you know, uh, they were good
(06:41):
to me, so to speak.
You know, they were you know,they did the best with what they
had, and um you know, I'msitting in this guy's you know,
in his shitty, shitty house.
And we're doing, you know,we're doing cocaine, and this
(07:05):
has been, you know, at thispoint 30, almost 30 years ago.
And I just remember thinking tomyself, like, how the hell did
I wind up here in this guy'sshitty house doing drugs with a
guy with a guy that is a carneythat he works at the carnival?
(07:29):
And I mean, you in my opinion,outside of one other story I'll
tell you, you don't get muchlower than that.
I mean, God almighty, I I canonly think of one other time
that I felt that way, and Idon't even think I felt as bad
(07:50):
this time as I did that time,but I remember um so I moved to
Las Vegas because I got when Igot I just had a funny feeling.
My best friend had moved outthere with his fiance, and um I
just had a weird, weird feelingI was dealing drugs back in my
(08:11):
hometown, and you know, my lifewas going nowhere.
And so I decided to board atrain for five and a half days
to Las Vegas, technically it wasto Needles, California, and
then I had to take a van to LasVegas because the train doesn't
run through Vegas, and so I getout there, and him and I, you
(08:33):
know, do a bunch of drugs andget kicked out of his fiance's
house, and we're staying withthis lady, and so there's two
parts to this.
So we're staying with this ladythat I worked with at this
telemarketing company, and atnight, now keep in mind this
(08:53):
woman was 250 pounds, lookedawful.
I mean, she was disgusting.
Her house was disgusting, butwe really had nowhere else to
go.
And at night, she was a1-900-number operator, meaning
(09:18):
she was a phone sex worker, andso I'm in this house doing drugs
with my best friend and her,and that's her job at night.
You can just imagine, and thiswas the nastiest house you've
ever seen in your life.
It was about as nasty as theother Corey's house, it was
(09:41):
disgusting.
I didn't stay there very long.
So I moved in with this otherguy that I worked with named
Perry from Ohio, who had fewteeth.
I mean, just again, anothersituation where I found myself
because of my drug and alcoholuse, that was ridiculous.
(10:04):
I slept in a room with a boaconstrictor, and I am terrified
of snakes.
So I meet this guy, Ian,upstairs in this apartment
complex.
And he's from the East Coast.
He's the only guy I know fromthe East Coast because my best
friend went back to his fiance.
And long story short, him and Istarted hanging out doing more
(10:26):
drugs, harder drugs thananything I've mentioned so far.
And I remember sitting on acouch, you know, I had a polo
shirt on and, you know, khakishorts and tennis shoes looking
like I came off the golf course.
Um, and I was sitting betweenthis guy, these two guys, one
(10:46):
was named Ed to my right, andone guy was named Stormy to my
left.
Now I'm sitting on a couch withthese two clowns, and they knew
each other from a maximumsecurity prison.
So not good people.
Stormy had a car key that wouldfit any Saturn in the city, and
(11:10):
he would just steal Saturns toget around.
I mean, like, when you talkabout criminals, these people
were the hardest criminals I hadever been around in my life.
But they had drugs, so it wasfine.
We're sitting on this couch,and the television was on.
(11:32):
The five o'clock news comes on.
And sure as I sit, as sure as Isit here today, Stormy and Ed
were on the five o'clock newsfor robbing a small casino
outside of Las Vegas.
Dude, I almost had a flippingstroke.
(11:52):
And literally, I just I wasparalyzed.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say, Ididn't know what to do, so I
didn't do anything, thank God.
And nobody in the room said aword about anything, they just
acted like it didn't happen.
Well, shortly, Stormy and Edleft, thank God.
(12:14):
And Ian looks at me and he'slike, dude, I don't, I'm not so
sure how you're still sittinghere.
I said, I'm not sure either.
And I got out of there, andneedless to say, I never went
back.
But you know, my confidence wasso low, and my self-worth was
(12:34):
so low.
That's the kind of places thatdrugs and alcohol took me.
And thank God there is a God,because if there weren't, I
would be dead.
And um, you know, it's youknow, it's stories like that
that I look back on and I thinkGod that I don't have to worry
(12:58):
about those things today.
That doesn't mean that I stillhave a whole lot of
self-confidence, that doesn'tmean that I'm not don't feel
like an imposter a lot of times.
It doesn't mean that I'vedefeated the fear of rejection
because none of those things aretrue.
But what is true today is I amworking on those things, and the
(13:22):
truth is I don't have it alltogether.
You know, I've lost a couple ofjobs this year, and I'm
currently driving Uber becauseit is the thing that I can do
right now to make money, andthank God it's there, and thank
God I'm sober because otherwiseI'd probably just be sitting
(13:47):
watching all my bills pile upwith this grand illusion that
somehow magically I'm just gonnaget a job offer tomorrow and
everything's gonna be okay.
And then I would think that thenext day.
And then I would think that thenext day until I was so far in
(14:08):
the hole that um that I'dprobably be thinking about doing
something that I shouldn't bedoing.
And, you know, that's wherealcohol can take me, or or or
weed even, um, is not thinkingclearly about my current
(14:28):
situation and living in thisdelusion of grandeur that has in
the past kept me stuck.
I mean, there's a lot of timesthat I think I'm way smarter
than I am, or that I'm waybetter than I am.
There's a lot of times I thinkthat I should be in a much
(14:52):
better position than I am.
And the truth of the matter is,is I've had to accept exactly
where I am in my currentjourney.
And that is I get up and Igrind every day the best I can
until the next best thing comesaround.
(15:15):
And it's been, you know, it'sbeen a very humbling experience.
You know, I've got thispodcast, and I think people look
at me a certain way, and maybethey do, but here's the truth of
the matter (15:31):
you're just looking at another dude like you behind
a microphone, and that's theonly difference between you and
me if you don't have a podcast.
I struggle with the same shityou struggle with.
I struggle with the same crazythoughts that you struggle with,
you know, and I'm just beinghonest with you here.
(16:31):
Because that's all I need to dois just to be honest and
transparent with you, because Idon't I don't think it serves me
to act like I've got it alltogether.
And believe me, I've triedthat.
And it's a struggle doing that,because when, you know, when
(16:54):
it's you know, when you're notbeing honest and you've got a
mask on and you're trying toportray that you're this person
that you're not, it wears youdown.
And maybe you've struggled withthis at times.
Maybe you're a single guy andyou're trying to date women and
(17:15):
you're showing them all yourbest sides.
Well, guess what?
That that dirtbag side of youis gonna come out eventually.
You know, um I think peopleappreciate authenticity.
And I haven't always beenauthentic, I can tell you.
(17:37):
But you know, I mentioned thisin the last podcast.
I've been doing this uhtranscendental meditation that
has given me a bit of insight uhthat I didn't have before.
It's given me the ability tosit still for a little bit,
which has been an awfulchallenge for me all my life.
(17:59):
You know, I'm constantlymoving, I'm constantly doing
something, I'm constantlyfilling my day with something,
whether it's a book, which ishelpful, unless you're just
trying not to look at yourself,or whether that's social media,
(18:20):
or whether that's fill in theblank.
Like I can find a millionreasons to not look at the hard
things in my life.
I can think of a million, youknow, because it's not it's
painful to look at the areas ofyour life that are not going
well.
But the only way I think to getpast those things that are not
(18:45):
going well is to look at themand figure out well, why what
are you doing, Corey?
What are you doing that ismaking you feel this way?
And I know this is kind of adeep conversation, and and
(19:06):
again, a lot of that stuff stemsfrom childhood, but still
you've got to look at why youmake the decisions that you
make.
I have to look at thedecisions, why I make the
decisions that I make.
And sometimes, a lot of times,that's because I'm trying to
play God.
You know, I'm trying to run theshow.
And I mean, I can just tell youthat doesn't work.
(19:28):
For me, it does, it justdoesn't work.
And, you know, no matter howhard I try to fit that round peg
into that square hole, it'sjust not gonna work.
But I can try, you know, I cantry to wheel my way through life
and it doesn't go very well.
It's difficult when you'retrying to make something work
(19:55):
and it's just not working.
It's much easier to rely onsomething else bigger than you.
For me, that's God, to takecontrol of the wheel.
Because when I'm driving, it'sa disaster.
But when I relax, take it easy,and allow things to come into
(20:17):
my life as they're supposed to,and not the way I want them to,
my life seems to be a biteasier.
But it's not easy.
It's not easy doing thatbecause you think, well, I'm a
dude, I've got to make thingshappen.
And there is some degree tothat.
You have to put action behindwhat you say.
(20:41):
You know, and I'm notsuggesting that you don't need
to take action.
You can't just pray to God thatthings are gonna change and do
nothing, because that's not alsonot gonna work.
You know, if you're praying forthings to change, then you've
got to put the action behindthose things if you want them to
change.
Because it doesn't, it's notjust gonna happen magically, and
(21:05):
and it's not gonna happen ifyou don't meet God halfway.
And that's what I had to dowith my sobriety is I had to
humble myself and say, you knowwhat, I can't do this anymore
alone.
And then I had to ask for help,and that's a hard thing for a
male like me to do is to ask forhelp.
(21:27):
You know, um, but one of thethings that I am very grateful
for is the people that I'msurrounded by in recovery.
You know, I messaged a guytoday and I said, Hey, would you
be willing to meet me for lunchtomorrow?
He's like, Absolutely, Corey,anytime.
(21:49):
Now, if you think about it, howmany people in your life do you
have that way?
Because before I got intorecovery, I had nobody.
I had nobody that would bewilling to drop what they're
doing and go meet me for lunchbecause I asked them to.
He didn't ask me why.
He didn't say, What do youwant?
He just said absolutely.
(22:11):
It gives me cold chills, makesthe hair stand.
Well, if I had hair on my arms,it would make them stand up.
Because listen, you know,beginning recovery has changed
my life.
And I believe that it couldchange yours if you are
(22:35):
struggling with some of thethings that I've listed today,
in addition to drugs andalcohol.
You know, some of these thingscan happen in your life without
having the substance abuse.
Um, you know, I was doing a anUber ride earlier today, and
these three guys, I was takingthem to the most prestigious
(22:57):
country club in Kerry.
Probably cost $50,000 to jointhere.
And, you know, immediately whenthey got in the car, I felt
less than.
Right?
I'm just the Uber driver.
I'm just the guy that'schauffeuring these rich people
around.
This was my first thought.
(23:17):
And we start driving, they'rereally nice, you know, they were
really nice people, and uh theywere talking about they're here
for for a conference, and theywere talking about how this
speaker came on and talked aboutfear of rejection.
(23:41):
And he talked about how he hadimposter syndrome, and that's
kind of what made me think aboutthis today because I'm sitting
there thinking, oh, I'm just thechauffeur, right?
I'm just the guy draw-uberingthese well-to-do people off.
And all three of those peoplein that car said, I suffer with
the same exact thing.
(24:01):
Now I'm just listening to theconversation, I'm not talking,
I'm not, you know, I'm justdoing my job while they're
talking.
And so it made me think, youknow, how many people also
struggle with imposter syndrome?
How many other people strugglewith the fear of rejection?
(24:22):
You know, my you know, I waspartnering in an AI company and
uh making amends to people thatI owe amends to.
And so I sent my my partner amessage and I said, you know, I
need to make an amends to youbecause my imposter syndrome and
my fear of rejection kicked in,and we could have made this a
(24:46):
successful company.
And it it was successful in itsown right, maybe not
financially successful, but wedid build a bunch of cool
things.
And um, but we just could nevermove the needle on those
things.
And that's because I didn't Ifelt like I was an imposter,
even though we I knew the thethings worked, like the the
(25:09):
things that we built worked, andthey were amazing.
And um, but I just couldn't Icouldn't move the needle
forward.
And as a sales guy, that'sreally tough.
And I think for me, you know,in the past, it's easier for me
to sell something of yours thanit is for me to sell myself
(25:31):
because I deal with thatimposter syndrome and I deal
with that um that fear ofrejection.
And um and he wrote me back andsaid, you know, Corey,
everybody deals with that.
This guy's really smart.
I mean, like stupid smart.
(25:53):
And he said, Look, dude, I I'vedealt with it in my life, and
it's okay.
He said, We built some reallycool things, and it's been great
working with you.
And the feeling that gave mewas, you know, coupled with
these people talking, it's like,wow, how many people really do
(26:18):
deal with imposter syndrome infear of rejection?
I I'm guessing a lot more thanI think, you know, because lots
of times I'm only thinking aboutme and what I'm dealing with,
and I must be the only person inthe world dealing with this
thing.
And the truth is, is that it'sprobably just not the case.
And so I don't know if you gotanything out of today.
(26:41):
I hope you did.
Um, maybe some of thisresonated with you, and and
maybe you're one of those peoplealso.
I don't know.
Um, I just don't know.
But I know I definitely fallinto that category, and I'm I'm
working on those things to toget better.
And um, and I would encourageyou to do the same thing.
(27:05):
And if you are struggling withdrugs and alcohol, man, you
know, you can only cover up thathurt and that fear and that
imposter syndrome for so long,and then that that drug or that
alcohol turns on you.
And when it turns on you, nowyou've got all that stuff I just
mentioned, plus you've got adrug and alcohol problem.
(27:26):
And that's a disaster.
That's a recipe for disaster.
And it's not going to work outfor you, most likely.
I haven't met anybody yet thatit's worked out for.
And so I appreciate youlistening to the podcast today.
It drops every Friday at 4 a.m.
And um I'd appreciate if you'dshare it with somebody that may
(27:49):
need to hear it.
I'd love to get some feedbackin that review section, that
always helps.
And uh, I appreciate youshowing up here every week.
I'm very grateful for youshowing up here every week to
listen to me yammer on aboutwhatever it is on my mind that
week.
(28:09):
And I do hope it's helpful.
Um, but if nothing else, ithelps me to kind of get this
out.
You know, it helps me to justto be honest with you and uh
tell you where I'm at.
And uh I appreciate you again.
We'll see you next Friday.
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