The RoofHer: Sobriety, Resilience, and Building a Female-Owned Business

Episode Transcript
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Corey Berrier (00:01):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, corey Berrier,and I'm here with Erin Mahoney.
What's up, hi?
How are you?

Erin Mohoney (00:10):
I'm real good, Corey.
How are you?

I'm good.
I'm good, so I'm super excitedto get into this conversation
with you.
We connected a while back andyour brand caught my eye and I
thought I would ask.
I wanted to know more aboutthat.
And then also the fact thatyou're sober also caught my eye
and I thought I would ask Iwanted to know more about that.
And then also the fact thatyou're sober also caught my eye.
So could you tell everybody alittle bit about you and the

(00:33):
name of your company?

Yeah, my name is Erin Mahoney.
I'm in Columbus, ohio, and thename of my company I just
started this year is the RoofHer.
It's all one word R-O-O-F,capital, h-e-r.

And it stands for exactly what it is right it
stands for exactly what it is.

It's being a female roofer in the industry.
Is there's so few of us?
And then, as a female owneroperator of a roofing company,
it had to scream I am afemale-owned and operated
roofing company.
And there came the pink intothe equation, which I've never
been a pink girl, but the hotpink on my truck and in the

(01:13):
brand is.
I've learned to love it.
So there was really no otherway to do it, in my opinion.
As far as marketing andbranding because it's different,
it's just different.

Well, and you're like you said.
To echo what you said, you'rein a male dominated industry,
just like HVAC, plumbing,roofing it's all male dominated.
There are a lot of female.
There are I shouldn't say a lot, I don't know how many, but I
know that there are femalescoming into the trades.
And so what is that?
What's that been like?
I imagine that you've got toovercome a lot of shit.

If I had to guess, Well, I can tell you the
percentage.
I was just at a women inroofing breakout session and 4.6
, we occupy 4.6% of the roofingindustry.
That's not women that climb onroofs, that's not owners and
that's women in the industry.
I learned pretty quickly that Ihad to know way more than the

(02:08):
boys had to know, just simplybecause I can't bat my eyes.
And yeah, it might get somebodyto answer a door if I knock on
their door, but what comes withthat?
I think it's like a catch 22.
Yeah, they might open the doorfor me, but I have to know way
more than anybody else for themto actually work with me.
Getting on a roof doesn't paythe bills.

(02:30):
Getting it done and building it, that's what pays the bills.
And I can't do that withoutknowledge and expertise in the
industry.
To back up whatever it ispeople think I do at the door,
there's a misconception thatit's 10 times easier as a woman.

Well.
So how have you been over beenable to overcome that, after you
get in the door, get on theroof.
You know, I'm sure, if you'respeaking to another man, that
they're probably thinking well,this is where the buck stops,
like there's no way this ladyknows anything about roofing
because she's a female.

Yeah, and not only that.
Like my size and my stature,I'm like five foot two a hundred
and a little bit of pounds, andI hop out of a big giant pink
and black truck and it's justnever what they expect.
But what I have found is that Ihave taken advantage of every
training and every course that'sbeen put in front of me and I
go to continuing training in theinsurance side of these things

(03:30):
three Tuesdays a month and I ameducated and I do know a lot
about the industry, more thanI'm not going to put a
percentage on it, but more thana lot of the people, most of the
people in this industry that Iknow.
And so that's all I have to dois I just have to be able to sit
there and have an intelligentconversation about what the
issue is, what the solutions are, more of a consultative way.

(03:52):
We can do this and this and, ifthere is an insurance claim
involved to navigate them, helpnavigate them through that
process.
And just the general feedbackhas been people are blown away
by the knowledge that I have inthe industry and I went out and
I learned everything.
I learned everything that Icould.
I took advantage of thetrainings.
I meet with the adjusters outthere and have conversations
with them and in the verybeginning, when I started doing

(04:13):
this, there was no training wasoffered to me.
It was like here's a shirt anda business card and go sell
roofs, and I didn't know ashingle went on the top of the
house Honest to God, I had noidea anything.
And they just said go sellroofs.
And I was like oh wow, there'sa lot to know and I knew enough
to get by in the beginning byjust being honest and saying I
don't know the answer to that,let me find out.

(04:34):
But I quickly learned that Ineeded to listen and learn and
train and just soak everythingup like a sponge.
And I love school, was reallygood at school and so learning
the learning part of it was alot of fun and exciting for me
and I continue to learn andthat's how I stay ahead of the

(04:56):
competition and that's how I'mable to help the homeowners out
the most, the best way possible.

That's interesting because I've been to
like I went to this weekendmastermind with nothing but
roofers and what I realized whenI got there because my
conception of a roofer is thatsomebody that I didn't really
think about the sales side of it, necessarily, which is
surprising, but I thought, well,they must be putting the roof

(05:23):
on, they must know.
But the truth of the matter iswhat I found was I'm sitting in
a room with 50 other roofersthat they're really just
glorified salespeople becausethey're not actually putting the
roof on.

Well, I guess it depends on what you want to put
into your position.
My position before I was anowner was a project manager.
It depends on what you want toput into your position.
My position before I was anowner was a project manager.
But a project manager to meisn't just standing on the
ground and barking out orders.
It's like getting my handsdirty.
I do my own repairs.
Like this is stuff I had tolearn.
In the beginning, I had askedfor help from the people in this
industry that I worked with.
I'm going into my fifth yeardoing this, and when I would ask

(06:00):
for help, it was like ignored,and so I was like I'm going to
stop asking for help.
So in order to stop asking forhelp, I have to learn to do
these things on my own, andthat's what I did and that's
what I do today, and I'm supergrateful that I learned all that
, because I think the moreknowledge I have and the more
actual hands-on experience Ihave doing these things, the
more involved that I can be andthe better manager I can be when

(06:24):
it's being built.
Could I install a roof?
I'm sure I could do.
I want to.
Absolutely not.
I would rather sub it out andpay my crews.
They do a fantastic job.
They are truly the unsungheroes in this, in this industry
.
They do a wonderful job and I'msuper grateful for the guys
that I was it hard to get thecrews to work with you.

As a female, I would imagine there's probably a
lot of shit talking that goeson with that.

Most of it I don't understand because it's in a
different language, but I'mtrying to learn Spanish.
I'm trying to learn at leastlike the basics.
No, it wasn't because I workedwith these guys before and I've
had.
No, it hasn't been at all.
As a matter of fact, I've beenoverwhelmed with people
messaging me like hey, do youneed crews?
Hey, do you need crows?
Hey, do you need crows?
Like I don't.
But thank you, but no, thathasn't been an issue at all and

(07:08):
they're great guys.
Man, I get to pick the peoplethat I want to work with and the
people that I trust to put theropes on the people's hands that
I work with company.

So my guess would be, since it is a
male-dominated, egotisticalindustry, that there had to be
some bumps in the road.

Yeah, so I think you brought up that I was sober,
and so I think a lot of thathas to do a lot of the way I
conduct myself and that I do.
Life is what I've learned inrecovery, and my life depends on
it, and the first thing that welearn in recovery is
selfishness andself-centeredness.
That's got to go away, and withthat is my ego.

(07:54):
I operate with humility andthat doesn't look normal in this
industry, and so I believe thatoperating with humility and
kindness and decency and honestyhas been mistaken for weakness.

Yeah.

That's what I've learned over the past four years
in this industry.
So, yeah, there were bumps inthe road.
I felt like I was fighting.
The companies that I worked atwere fighting against me.
Didn't feel real great when Iwas there, so I made a change.
I left the first company that Iwas at for three years, went to
a different company that hadactually a female division of

(08:30):
the company and I thought, oh myGod.
Well, this has got to be theleast gross of the gross and I'm
sorry, it's not been a great.
The homeowners have been greatto work with as a woman, the
industry itself, the men in theindustry, have not been fabulous
.
In what way it's a lot ofdisrespect, a lot of.

(08:52):
I can deal with shit talkingand I'm in a male dominated
industry and I grew, I've beensober for four years.
That's not that I can't handlecomments or things like that,
but sometimes it's just over thetop and completely absurd and
uncalled for.
It's just I just want to go towork and do my job like a man
and it seems to that hasn't beenthe case.

(09:13):
I haven't been able to do that.
So I started a company that hada female division and I thought,
god, this has got to be whereI'm supposed to be.
And I noticed really early onthat there wasn't respect there
either.
Very early on in my tenurethere, we were out of town and
there was another employee, amale coworker, that like was

(09:34):
physically threatening to me,like I thought he was going to
punch me in the face and Ibrought it up and it was just
like, okay, well, you don't haveto be on his team and that
seemed a little.
I was like, okay, that's cool.
But it was just never broughtup again and I had tried to.
I was at the beginning.
It was the beginning of lastseason, so a year ago, when I
very first started, I tried tocommunicate what I needed to

(09:56):
better produce, because moneydoesn't motivate me like it
motivates most people and Ithink a lot of that has to do
with recovery and living a soberlife is that I don't chase
money.
I've had more money than I knewwhat to do with before I was
sober and I was miserable, so Iknow that's not what makes me
happy, and so I'll produce andI'll work enough to pay my bills
and live comfortably If I don'tfeel valued and appreciated.

(10:18):
There's five very simple thingsI need out of any relationship
in my life, but certainly abusiness relationship.
I need to be seen, heard,appreciated, valued and
respected.
None of those five thingsinclude money at all.
And so I haven't had thosethings, and so I know how to

(10:40):
communicate effectively.
I know how to communicateeffectively, but it takes two
people, and so, as I was talking, everyone else was committed to
not hearing me or not caring oroverlooking me or thinking I'm
just an emotional woman.
Oh just, it's all in your head,just get past it.
It's all in your head, get pastit.
What does that even mean?
What does that even mean Trauma?

(11:02):
I'm just supposed to get pastthat.
I shared some information.
When I started, I had filed aprotection order against
somebody who had been stalking,harassing me.
It was a very abusive situationfor three whole years and I had
just filed that when I startedworking at this previous company
.
So obviously I had to let themknow about it because it was a
safety concern he's not allowedto show up at my place of
business and so we had aconversation about that.

(11:31):
I was in a place in my lifewhere I didn't feel super safe
and I just thought going to acompany that had a female
division would be safe.
And the things that I shared, Ibelieve, were used against me
moving forward Again, consideredweak, like I didn't ask to be
abused.
I didn't ask for the trauma.
It takes a really strongfucking person to overcome it
and to heal from it, and that'swhat I've been doing.
But when it's the samesituation, you feel like that,
your place of employment, wherereally all you're trying to go

(11:52):
is just do a job and be treatedthe same way that the men are or
are a little differently.
It needs to be.
I guess you could probably tellme and just power through it.
Man, it's just all in your head, just get it together.
It's not that big of a deal.

So how big was this woman, the women's side of
this company, this division?

There was a couple of girls that worked there.
A couple of them were in theoffice, but I never really
understood the whole makeup ofit.
So there was a couple of girlsthat were project managers me
and another girl and then therewas a couple of girls that
worked in the office.
I was the only one that climbedon roofs, I was the only one
that used tools, and so it waslike talked about that this is
going to be a huge thing andwe're going to promote it and

(12:31):
this and that, and it was still.
I was just like brush aside andbrush aside and I just thought
what do I have to do to be seenor noticed or because I'm not
too sure?
At this point and early on inthe season, I was like I am
going to go out there and I'mgoing to prove all of these
fuckers wrong and I am going toshow them what I'm made of.
And then I just was like no, Ihad a change of heart.

(12:51):
I was like I'm not doing that,I don't have to prove myself to
anyone and I'm certainly notgoing to bust.
My wasn't motivated, I justdidn't care.
Yeah.

What was the driving force behind them having
a woman's division?
I think any company could saythat if they've got three women
working there, what's thecriteria, what's the benefit?
Why did they do that?
It seems like it was.
From what you're saying, itseems like it was not.
It was I'm trying to think ofthe word here it seemed like it

(13:36):
was a front, almost.

Well, see, I realized that when I was working
there.
I realized that because I gotmy own, like, I ordered my own
business cards and I added thefemale division to the business
cards.
I used my cricket at home andput the female division on my
branded logo shirts, because ifwe're going to do this, it needs
to get out there, right, weneed to make people aware of it.

(14:00):
But it was more photo shootsand pink card hats and honestly,
I don't really know.
But when I was there I didn'tfeel respected, I didn't feel
included, I didn't feelrespected, I didn't feel seen,
appreciated, valued anything.
And so I knew that wasn't goingto work for me and I knew that
early on.
I don't know how everybody elsefeels A couple of them are
related and another so I'm nottoo sure but that was my

(14:22):
experience going in there as aas an individual woman that
didn't have a male partner, thatwasn't family, just as a woman
roofer, just as a female roofer,and that was my only, that was
my only connection to thecompany.
And there was talk aboutgetting our faces on the side of
trucks and at this point I knewI wasn't staying, but I didn't
know what I was doing.
Like I didn't know what I wasdoing.

(14:43):
I was at this huge crossroadsbecause I love what I do and I'm
really good at it, but I wasready to walk away from an
industry where I can work fortwo months and make six figures
because of the way that I'vebeen treated.
And it was like I knew thatwasn't the answer, because that
would be a disservice to thehomeowners and the people that I

(15:06):
can help.
That would be a huge disserviceand I have never been one to
just fall down and walk away andquit anything ever, so that
wasn't an option.
But what am I going to do?
Am I going to go trust someother man that sells me on a
bunch of empty promises?
I'm not willing to do thatagain.
I'm not.
I'm tired of starting over Likethis is the third time I've

(15:28):
started over, going into myfifth year, and that's
exhausting.
It's just exhausting.
I don't want to do it anymore.
But what I absolutely didn'twant to do was start my own
company.
I did not.
I've never in my life had anydesire to be a business owner,
to start a company, andcertainly not a roofing company.
However, I took the job out ofnecessity.

(15:51):
I took the roofing job out ofnecessity.
I was barely sober, stayed outof spite and fell in love with
it and got really good at it andrealized that my happy place is
up on top of a roof and helpingpeople with getting things done
that need to get done andtreating them in an honest
manner, with transparency, andnot bullying them into something

(16:14):
, that there's a lot of things Ibelieve that I've seen that are
done wrong in this industry,and so I know I can't change it
single-handedly, but I certainlydon't have to add to it.
And was I willing to just walkaway and not be able to provide
that service?
That wasn't really an optioneither.
And so I prayed.
Man, I did the same thing I doall the time when I'm confused
and I don't know what to do,left to my own devices what I

(16:36):
want and what I need.
The God of my understanding haszero concern with what I want,
but always knows what I need.
And I started praying March oflast year, march of 2024.
And it was not until December12th of 2024.
I was in Chicago.
I went out to visit my daughterand grandson and then there was
roofing training out there.
It was a two-day training.

(16:56):
I went to that and it was likenear the end of the second day
and it was like honest to God,corey, it was was like I got hit
upside the head with adodgeball, like you remember
dodgeball like back when we wereallowed to beat the shit out of
each other and it was okay.
Or like a baseball bat justupside my head.
And so it was like, and I hadI'd had these little thoughts,

(17:18):
but trying to push them away, Ihave a one of my really good
friends.
She used to tell me becausewhen I first started in this
industry I would call her andI'd be like complaining about
the absurdity of what's going onin the company or how they're
doing things.
She said, girl, that is notyour company.
If you were so concerned abouthow a company was going to be
run, you should have startedyour own company.
And that was four years ago orwhatever.

(17:41):
And so I kept hearing it, butit meant something very
different this time that kept melevel-headed and grounded and
right size yeah, this isn't mycompany.
Who are you to say, aaron, theway it should be run?
And so I kept hearing Mary'svoice in my head all summer, all
summer, and I just kept pushingit away and I'm like nope.
And so God was like well, thisone's slow and she's a little

(18:04):
dumb.
So I'm going to have to hit herwith an answer that is
undeniable.
And, of course, the next twoweeks I sat, not really in fear
because but like, oh shit, Iguess I'm going to start a
company.
And so then I leaned into it,man, and I think when I realized

(18:27):
that, like when I bought thedomain, when I got the domain
and when I had my email addresserinattheroofercom, and I had my
EIN and all of these things, Ithought back to five years ago,
10 years ago, before I was soberfor a decade at least a decade.
Man, I begged to die Everysingle day.
I begged to die.
I had no desire to live anymoreand God had different plans for

(18:47):
me.
When I got sober, I think I hada credit score of 450.
I hadn't had an actual checkingaccount for a decade.
And to think of how far thatI've come and what recovery has
provided me and a God of myunderstanding, and not just
getting sober, but implementinga 12-step program into my life,

(19:08):
providing me with a life that Idon't have to escape from
because I'm not out here doingpeople wrong.
It's a really beautiful thingand I just thought about God.
I have like a not that it'sthat difficult to get like a
website, but I have a websitewith my company name that I
created.
That's a big deal to me and tobe able to have a line of credit

(19:28):
from my suppliers and justthings like this that I'm super
proud of how far I've come.
I'm so proud and I didn't doany of this, like all grace goes
to God and the 12 step programof AA, but I decided to do the
work to get here.

And just to be clear, you are a licensed roofer
.

I am a licensed roofer.

Yeah, yes, and so what was that process like?

Oh, that was great .
So I had to go in front of theboard with the city of Columbus.
So, just to get, I just have myHICL, which is limited license.
I'm going to take the test,though, because there is an
HICGC license that approves youto do everything on the outside,
and so I'm going to do that.
But just to get started, I havean HICL license and also my

(20:17):
general contracting license, soI'm approved to do roofs, but I
had to go sit in front of aboard where the owner of the
company that I left sits on theboard, and he was not happy
about it.
It wasn't a great experience.
He told me I was going to failand that I couldn't get a
license just a lot of reallynegative things.

(20:38):
And when I interviewed withthis company, when I sat down
the very first meeting we everhad he said anybody that starts
here, that wants to start theirown company, I want to support
them and help them do that.
And my immediate response wasthat ain't me, you've got to
worry about that.
Well, things changed, and so Ifeel like I was forced into this
position, and so when I went tohim, that was the response.

(21:01):
It was basically you don't knowwhat the hell you're doing.
You're going to fail miserably.
And then, after thatconversation, I had heard what
was being said about me and so Iknew none of it was positive
and there was a lot of.
There was a lot of negativetalk and passive, aggressive,
like social media posting, whichis just wild to me.

(21:22):
I don't know, I'm almost 50.
And so I just don't understandthat type of behavior as adults
and as business owners.
But I emailed the board and Isaid I'm concerned that there
might be a conflict of interest.
And this was the first time Iwent, I just went for a second
time.
But anyway, they said oh, he is, oh he's an upstanding member
of the board and you'll betreated with respect.

(21:42):
And what's the word they use,respect?
And I don't know something.
I don't know.
Respect and equality or fairnessor something, some word that
they told me I could go backthrough the email and check.
And so I had to go in there andI had to sit in front of this
man who I knew was out here,shit talking me, and so I sat
like on the other side of theroom.
I didn't even make eye contact.

(22:03):
That was the first time I went.

This is the company with the women's
division.

Yeah, yes, yes, I just want to be clear about that
Correct the company with thewomen's division, and literally
all I did was start my owncompany.
I know that you're not in theroofing industry.
People start their owncompanies all the time,
literally all the time,literally all the time, and so I
don't know why this was such abig deal, but apparently it was.

(22:27):
And so I didn't make eyecontact that time and it was
extremely uncomfortable and I'musually pretty articulate and I
was not at all like when theycalled me out there and had to
answer questions, I felt like Iwas like well, I just felt
because it was so uncomfortableand I knew the same mean things
about me.
And then, and then the secondtime I had to go back, I had
found out some more informationand when I went back those last

(22:49):
time, I sat directly in front ofhim and I had to stare a hole
in his soul for probably 20minutes before that man would
look at me and I was not goingto stop looking until he had to
look at me, knowing that I knewwhat he had done and what he had
done.
I hadn't shared that with youyet, but maybe you should.

(23:11):
Okay.
So when I was gettingeverything set up, I trusted
people to help me with do thethings that I was trying to set
up a company.
So I had somebody doing mybusiness cards and my branding
and setting up my EIN and withthe state and all these other
things.
And so I got the domain.
I have my email at therofercom,I trademarked it, I filed the

(23:34):
EIN with the Department ofTreasury and also had filed it
with the state of Ohio.
Something had happened with thestate of Ohio.
I guess it kicked it back, sometype of clerical thing.
I sent it to the guy that washelping me.
Well, it just never got.
I don't know, it just never gotrefiled or something.
And I only found this outbecause one of the last thing,

(23:55):
one of the things I forgot to do, was open up a bank account.
And so when I started havingchecks that were made out to the
roofer, I went to deposit in myold LLC account and they were
like, ma'am, this isn't going towork, and so they kicked it
back and I was like, shoot, Igot to stop real quick and open
a bank account.
But real quick and open up abank account is not what
happened.
So I went in and they asked meif it was registered with the
state and I said, well, yeah,better be.

(24:15):
And meanwhile I've got mytrademark paperwork, I've got my
EIN with the IRS, I've got allof these things, I've got the
domain, I've got all of thesethings lined up and the private
banker Googles the Secretary ofState of Ohio and he has this
funny look on his face and hesays does this name mean
anything to you?

(24:36):
And he turned the monitor myway and it was February 18th,
which was the day after theowner of that company found out
the name of my company, becauseI went and delivered branded
stuff from that company on the17th.
My truck was wrapped by thatpoint in time.
So that was the day he foundout the name of my company.
The 18th of February he hadfiled an LLC in the state of

(24:58):
Ohio under the name the Rooferand so took.

So he took the name as it pertains to the state
which kind of stops you fromopening a bank account and what,
whatever else correct.

And so I gathered up all of my paperwork so I
didn't cause a scene in the bankand I said, yeah, that name
means something to me His name,his home address, plain as day.
I've printed it off and I'veused it as motivation.
I just keep looking at it.
But, yeah, so I couldn't.
So what am I going to do?
You know what I mean?

(25:34):
The state of Ohio, where Iconduct business.
He's now filed an LLC under mybrand name because there was a
clerical error and he was ableto do that.
Yeah, that didn't feel great.
It didn't feel like somebodythat claims to support and
empower women in this industry.
It didn't feel like somebodythat wanted to help.
It felt disruptive, it feltmean, it felt like a bully I've

(25:55):
healed from a lot of abusive menand it just felt like one more
man with his hand on my fuckingneck trying to hold me down and
control what I was doing.
The problem is that I didn'tplay ball and I wasn't going to
let him continue to treat melike that, and so I left, I
don't know.
And then I don't know they saywhat is it that?

(26:16):
They say Hell hath no fury likea woman scorned.
I would like to change that andsay to change that and say hell
hath no fury, like a man withhis ego bruised because that was
just that was absurd behaviorand so that was crushing.
That was crushing.
I poured I am, I'm a one womanshow.

(26:38):
I poured all of my own money injust after like slow season two
in the winter, and it wasn'teven the money Like it was the
time and the love, and mydaughters helped me with this.
I have grown daughters and allI'm trying to do, man, is stay
in an industry that I love andI'm good at that.
The men and the owners and theco-workers can't seem to treat

(27:00):
me right.
I'm just trying to do my job bymyself so I don't have to worry
about being treated like shit,and I'm trying to maybe leave my
kids something other than achildhood with a mother that was
incapable of taking care ofthem the way they deserve to be
taken care of, something otherthan a childhood work with a
drug addicted, alcoholic mother.
I'm just trying to do the rightthing, man, and do the right

(27:21):
thing by people, and that wascrushing.

It was absolutely crushing man and do the right
thing by people, and that wascrushing.
It was absolutely crushing, Ibet I can't imagine.

And so what happened next?
I assume you had to hire anattorney.
Yeah, so that was fun.
That's a startup company.
I'm sure there's a lot ofpeople that have started their
own company, and I'm not theonly one Everybody I know it's
not.
I talked to everybody that ownstheir own company and they were
like you're exactly where youshould be right now, and where I
was at was 10 poundsunderweight.
I hadn't slept.
It was a lot, man, it was a lot, and I was just overwhelmed

(27:55):
with emotions.
There was a lot of, there wasjust a lot.
And then so, before I ever evenmade a dime, I had to hire an
attorney, provide the attorneywith all of the information that
says what I had done leading upto this.
I trademarked the damn thingback in January.
I had the wherewithal to dothat, and so the attorneys go.
We're going to.
So now I'm two grand into anattorney who's put together a

(28:19):
letter, a cease and desistletter, with all of the.
This is what she did.
This is what she did.
Clearly, you did this in spiteand with intent to harm, as I
believe that it was, and sent aletter, email, regular mail and
certified mail.
I asked him to send a certifiedmail.
So, because I'm like they'lljust pretend like they didn't
get it, let's at least try.
Whether they signed for it ornot is it doesn't matter, but he

(28:41):
signed for it himself.
And no response, just askinghim to dissolve the LLC.
That's it.
No response.
So my attorney sends afollow-up email still no
response.
And so now I'm just like well,could I sue him and win
Absolutely.
I could sue him and win.
He doesn't have a fucking legto stand on.
I sue him and win Absolutely.

(29:02):
I could sue him and win.
He doesn't have a fucking legto stand on.
But do I have hundreds ofthousands of dollars to take him
to court to get my brand back?
I don't.
He knows that it's like thisDavid and Goliath thing.
He's bigger than me, but what?

I have on my side is truth and God.
Yeah.
So take me back over four yearsago.
And what brought you intorecovery?
Because usually life's notgoing great.

Yeah, man, life wasn't going great at all, but I
really just thought that waswhat I was destined.
I thought that was just thelife I was destined for.

A life with drunk alcohol, you mean?

Yeah, and just to die like a worthless piece of
shit, junkie, alcoholic.
Yeah, and just to die like aworthless piece of shit, junkie,
alcoholic.
Just I.
Just I thought I was crazy,just completely batshit crazy,
and that's how I was going todie.
And then, and then I gotintroduced to the rooms of AA

(30:02):
and I was against.
I was against the praying thingand I wasn't.
I was like no, I'll do the restof it, but you guys can keep
that God shit for yourselves.
And I learned real quickly.
Of course I white knuckled itfor about a week and then was
right back where I was at and Iwas like shoot.
But I've heard enough meetingsand stuff that I was like these
people might be onto something.
I didn't really believe thatanybody?
was sober, because they seemedreal happy and very unfamiliar

(30:22):
and foreign to me.
I had made a note this is funny.
I made a note in my God if Iwould go.
Do you make notes in youriPhone?
I've got notes for years andyears.
None of them make any sense.
I'll just put something inthere, two letters or one name.
But I do have one.
It was from January of the yearbefore I was introduced to

(30:43):
Alcoholics Anonymous, so in 2020, I think.
Anyways, it was a note I'd madeto tell my therapist that said I
never smile.
And I made that note in thereto tell my therapist.
And I never had an opportunityto do that because I got sober
and with that comes a lot oflaughter and a lot of smiling
and a lot of tears of gratitude.
Just a whole different, a wholedifferent kind of tears that

(31:03):
I'd never experienced before.
But I do find myself justoverwhelmed with gratitude and
it comes out of nowhere.
You know what I mean.
It comes out of nowhere, but Ijust think, thank God for
unanswered prayers.
I really wanted to.
I tried, I tried to take my ownlife multiple times.
Didn't work, I OD'd and I getbrought back and I didn't
understand why, like, why can'tI just die?

(31:24):
Why am I feeling it dying?
That's a really unfortunatefeeling, like I can't even
fucking kill myself, right?
It just felt like a hugefailure.
I loved my daughters more thananything and I couldn't get
sober for them and just feellike a failure.
I'm a well-educated woman andI've been independent my whole
life.
I moved out when I was 17.
Independent my whole life.
I moved out when I was 17.

(31:44):
I had a house built.
I built my own house.
I had a brand new BMW in thedriveway, I had an
eight-year-old, I had a newborn,just all me.
I did all these things on myown.
And why can't I stop doing this?
And God, I hated myself for it,and so I didn't go to treatment
.
I didn't go to detox, I endedup in a meeting, and the way I
ended up there is a littleunorthodox.

(32:04):
Fast forward the three years,the protection order.
That goes back to how I gotinto the room.
I was manipulated with theprogram by just a disgusting
human, and so three years ofcomplete torture like getting
sober is not hard enough.
I was dealing like with thisridiculous, like emotional abuse
and just stalking and harassing.

(32:25):
And I just it was insane.
And so finally I got enoughstrength, after three years of
dealing with that shit, to filea protection order.
So that's how I got into therooms, right?
And so I don't know, man, I justwhat did I have to lose?
Work the steps?
I was like what do I have incommon with two old white dudes
from the thirties?
And then I started reading thebig book, and it's very early on
in the big book and I'mprobably going to paraphrase it,

(32:47):
but I believe it's on page 24.
It's an italics and it says,for reasons yet obscure,
alcoholic or whatever has lostthe power of choice and drink.
And that was the first thingthat had made sense to me in
probably 30 years.
Okay, so I might have somethingin common with these two old
white dudes from the thirties.
I'm interested now.

(33:11):
And then they tell me there's asolution and I got to work the
steps and I don't have to.
I think that's where, likehaving a having a good education
behind you and a high level ofeducation behind you, sometimes
I think can work against peoplelike us.
Is that I want to.
I want to find a way to do itbetter.
I want to make a spreadsheetand a Venn diagram, that I want
to.
I want to find a way to do itbetter.
I want to make a spreadsheetand a Venn diagram and I want to
have the pointer.
And but I didn't have to dothat and at that point I was so

(33:32):
broken I couldn't even hold myhead up, I couldn't even look
somebody in the eye.
I hadn't looked in a mirror in,oh God, years and years.
There was a point in before Igot sober I was like 70 pounds
70 pounds, that is just to putthat in perspective that's 40,
40, some pounds less than what Iweigh right now, and I'm not a

(33:52):
big girl.
And so what did I have to lose?
So I tried it and miraculously,life just got better.
And I was really grateful forthe second step in the wording
of the second step is because Ihave a strained relationship
with organized religions from mychildhood and so I really
wasn't willing to do that Like.

(34:13):
I was so broken and beat up andhated myself so much that I
needed a God of my understandingthat was loving and warm and
kind and it was going to hold meand comfort me.
And I'd never had a man likethat in my life, including my
own father, and so I sure ashell wasn't going to turn my

(34:35):
life over to someholier-than-thou man because I
never felt safe in the presenceof a man.
But I had to be willing tobelieve in a power greater than
myself, just willing to believe.
And it didn't say God anywherein that sentence.
And I saw, I remember I was inmy old place before I broke my
lease and moved because of theprotection order.
It faced west, and so Iremember watching the sunset and

(34:58):
I was like I didn't do that,and so that was enough for me,
and so from that day on, I justgot on my knees and I prayed to
whatever that was I.
I call it God.
I don't know what it is, Idon't really need to know.
I had a lot of questions aboutSanta Claus, and when I found
out the truth, that was reallydisappointing.
So I learned to just not ask abunch of questions.
It works.
Maybe if I wouldn't ask him anyquestions, santa Claus would
still visit me.

(35:18):
It would be fun like that.
But so, yeah, that's whatstarted it for me, and the
relationship has grown.
The relationship has grown.
I knew if God could keep mesober, god could do anything,
because I couldn't stay soberfor a day, and so I had a couple
of days together, and certainlythat wasn't my doing, that was
something much bigger than me.
But to see how it's grown, andjust a period of four years this

(35:41):
God I didn't want anything todo with.
I trusted enough to pray to forone year to decide what I was
going to do with my career, andwhen that answer came.
I never, ever once, thoughtabout not doing it, not once.
And it was hard.
There was, especially with thiswhole brand thing.
When I went into the bank and Iwas just it was crushing, like

(36:02):
it was crushing.
And I go to a therapist.
I go, I do trauma therapy, I'mon medication for depression and
and also for PTSD and all andalso ADD I can't leave that one
out but they all work magicallytogether and with the therapy,
and the therapy has beenincredibly difficult but
incredibly rewarding.
And so it's like I knew thatthis was, and so it's like I
knew that this was.

(36:23):
I knew to mess with my mentalhealth and do some psychological
warfare bullshit was thepurpose of it.
But, honest to God, man it likeit worked for a while, like I
struggled.
I'm still struggling.
This has been three weeks andI'm still, I feel really
betrayed.
This is something that I am soproud of, something that I

(36:49):
poured everything into and justtrying to live a life as a sober
woman with dignity and graceand treat people with
forgiveness and kindness.
And I know that there's nopeace in retaliation.
I know there's no peace inretaliation.
I know there's no peace inretaliation, but I also know

(37:10):
that I have a voice for a reason, and I'm done being silenced.
I'm done being silenced.
I'm done being threatened.
I'm done having somebody's handover my mouth.
So this is my story.
It was crushing, it wasabsolutely crushing, and he knew
that's what was going to do andthat's what he chose to do.
Anyways, and as much as I triedto will myself off of the couch

(37:31):
and to just be strong, that'shard.
That's hard when your mind'sfighting against you and you
just feel like what the fuck isthe purpose?
It's like once I'll stand upand I'll be, I'll have my head
above water and I'm like allright, this is it, this is it.
And then it's like, and I'mdrowning again, and it just felt

(37:52):
like finally, I had got mylicense, that day that I had
gone in front of the board andgot my license, that was the day
I went to the bank and foundout.
So it was like I was superexcited because I just got my
license.
He said I couldn't get mylicense.
I got my license, everythingwas paid for and approved, and I
have the certificates and allthe shit, and I was on such a
high and I was like all in therear view mirror.

(38:12):
We're just going to moveforward from here.
Not three hours later I was ata bank, completely crushed, and
that was three weeks ago, andI'm really.
I just tried to be.
A number of times I've pickedmyself up on my own.
Over the past three weeks hasbeen I can't even count, I can't
even count.
I'll pick myself up enough.
It's not sustainable.

(38:33):
And so I can't pick myself upand carry on like a badass for
two days in a row, but I can doit progressively.
I'm just tired of having tokeep doing it.

Yeah, I bet it's exhausting.
I'm tired of having to keepdoing it.
It is, it is.
Yeah, I bet.
So would you say that you'vebeen able to get through this
because of being in recovery andyour relationship with God.
I think that's the only waysomebody could get through this.

The only thing, the crazy part about recovery is
that it works so well.
I never I didn't think aboutgetting drunk or high, like
that's not even an option.
I know that's not an option,that'll be miserable.
But there's definitely werethoughts like why am I even
doing this?
Like this is so hard, like lifeis so hard and it's.
I literally am just continue todo the next right thing and I
it's exhausting, like what isthe purpose?

(39:22):
Why am sober?
Why am I alive?
Why am I even doing this?
Why am I busting my ass tostart a company?
Why do I feel like I still haveto look over my shoulder when
all I did was leave a company?
I left all their shit.
I paid them to leave.
They're withholding my pay.
I paid them to leave and I'mlike for what purpose?
What am I even doing?

so, yeah, god, well, I think it's for you to be
able to share this experiencewith other people.

Oh, that's why I've made it through everything.
I've made it through Corey.

Yeah.

And it's not just.
It's not just addiction andalcoholism.
There are so many things in mylife that I have overcome, and
that's the thing, man is thatI've overcome them.
I didn't play the victim, Ididn't let it consume me.
I've done the work and I haveovercome way harder shit than
this.

(40:12):
This is just unnecessary andmean just mean on so many levels
.
And for somebody that claims tosupport and empower women in a
male-dominated industry toreally just, in my opinion, be
exploiting them, using them as amarketing ploy and, quite
frankly, at least in my instance, not giving a shit at all and

(40:34):
instead of supporting andempowering, it seems very
destructive and hateful and justmean.
It's just mean.

What would you say to if there is a female in
the trades any trade right nowthat's considering getting into
again any of the trades, whatwould you, what kind of advice
would you give them so theydon't have to go through these
same things?

My advice to give them would be have thick skin,
because you will go throughthese things.

There's no way to eliminate it.

There's no way to avoid it.
Listen, I'm a bad bitch andthese and they still think that
they're going to treat me crazyand then when I up and leave,
it's a problem.
You can't treat me crazy andexpect me to stay, Not when I've
done the therapy and therecovery and the work to heal.
There's no fucking way.

Yeah.

There's no way, and so that's what I would tell
somebody.
And have somebody.
I would tell a woman that wasthinking about it, have a strong
woman who's been through itthat you can reach out to for
support, and I would alwaysoffer my name 100%, because
there's nothing you could do.
You can't.
I learned in recovery, thankGod, that the only thing I have
control over is me, my thoughtsand my actions.
I can't change anybody else oranything else around me, and so

(41:44):
I chose to take control.
It's serenity prayer.
Man gotta love it.
I chose to take control andchange the things that I could
change, because I do have theability to do that the serenity,
except the things I cannotchange the things around me.

Yeah, and to your point, like we control nothing
except ourselves, our actions,how we react or respond, that's
it, and sometimes that's a damnjob in itself.

Listen, responding versus reacting.
When I left Chase Bank I don'tknow.
I'm wondering if I'm going toget myself in trouble I had a
thought.
I had a thought that was not athought of a sober woman living
with dignity and grace, and itmay have involved a brick in a
window or something of that sort, I don't know, but I was going

(42:37):
to retaliate.
My initial response was fuckyou, you hurt me.
I'm going to hurt you worseBecause that's who I used to be
before I got sober and I waspretty good at it.
My words can be really hurtfuland I know that and I used that
when I was in survival mode.
Those skills that I use themanipulation, the fuck, you hurt

(42:58):
me.
So I'm going to hurt you worse,and then I'm going to laugh at
you while you cry, Like thoseare skills I don't even possess
anymore because I'm a differentperson.
And but I still got the samebrain, right.
I still have the same brain.
So that immediate thought wasall right.
I'm about to fuck some shit up,but I'm incredibly grateful to
be able to respond and have aconversation with you about this

(43:19):
three weeks later, instead ofdoing something that literally
just makes me look like thecrazy person that they want me
to look like.

Well, action is a big part of the program, but
this was you pausing and nottaking action on that thought.

Action is a big part of the program, but even
bigger so for me is that pause.
We pause when agitated, yeah,because my first instinct I have
a friend that always says youknow they say first thought
wrong.
I have a friend in the recoverythat always says my first
thought's a felony, second one'sa misdemeanor, third one's
probably also a misdemeanor.
And so I'm grateful for thatability to pause, because my

(43:59):
immediate knee-jerk reaction iswhat I've done when I was in
survival mode for 40, some yearsbefore I got sober.
I have to pause to get to theframe of mind that I've learned
being a sober woman, and theframe of mind is we don't cause
harm to other people, no matterwhat they do.
Justified anger I don't get ahalf.
Is it justifiable?
Hell, yes, it's justifiable,but that'll get me drunk and
high every time yeah, yeah andso yeah, so pause.

(44:24):
I'm grateful for the ability topause and wait for the next
right thought or direction frommy higher power.
It becomes more ingrained intomy life because I don't have
those situations.
I don't put myself insituations like this.
I don't put myself in a war,but currently I feel like I'm in
a war that I did not agree tobe in and I'm just fighting for
my life and my brand and it'slike it's a it's secret.

(44:48):
It's a woman's name of thebusiness.
If you're a man, it doesn'tpertain to you.
Roof, her means I'm a girl andso I'm fighting to get that back
.
What, yeah?

Yeah Well, there's always a lesson in
everything, right?
I don't know what the lesson is, and maybe you don't know yet
either, but there will be alesson whatever.
Whatever that looks like.

There will be.
This one's been really hard.
This has been really hard forme to wrap my head around.
I know God's always got a planand I can always go back on that
, but like I was reallystruggling, I was really
struggling with God.
To be honest with you, for thefirst time since I got sober, it
was the first time I questionedGod like God, why would you
make this decision for me andthen allow this to happen?
It's not God's fault.
So I had to have an out loudconversation with God.
There was a thunderstorm andthat's my higher power and so I

(45:41):
knew when it was thundering andraining, he was upset too.
I said I know, man, I'd beupset.
I'm sad and upset too.
Some of these people down hereare shit, but we had a good
conversation and I know it's notGod's fault.
There's a lesson in this.
I have survived way worse, andthat's what I just keep telling
myself.
I have survived way worse.
So never, ever mistake mykindness, my humility, my

(46:03):
ability to pause my it's like.
Don't ever.
That should never be mistakenfor weakness, because it is the
exact opposite.
I am literally the mostresilient, strongest person I
know.
I hate that.
I have to keep proving that I'mready to just thrive and live
my life.
But this is just one more bumpin the road.
It's a disgusting bump.
I'm not happy about it.

(46:23):
If I'm able to look atobstacles more like
opportunities, it's myperception has a lot to do with
things.

If I change my perception.

it changes everything, yeah that's true,
but this has been a real hardpill for me to swallow.
This one's been reallydifficult.

Yeah Well, imagine you're able to once you
get all this stuff situated,you're able to employ other
women, share this experiencewith them and get what you are
hoping to get, which is well.
I don't know if you're hopingto grow the company, but I have
a feeling that's going to happen, because when women hear this
and understand what you've gonethrough, I think it's going to

(46:59):
inspire them to probably joinyou.

I think that women absolutely should be more
present in this industry.
We're very good at it, we'revery detail-earned, we listen.
We don't listen to respond, welisten to hear and I think that
we bring something really coolto this industry.
But even without the otherstuff, you hear no a lot when
you first start.
I don't care if you're a girlor a man or a woman, you hear no

(47:28):
a lot when you're at the door.
I still hear no at the door.
You've got to be able to handlethat at the door.
I still hear no at the door.
You've got to be able to handlethat.
But I've also been in salessince I was 18.
It's the only thing I've everdone and so I can handle that.
But I've never been at acompany like, I've never been in
a situation where the companythat I was working with was like
fighting against me.
I've always been in the topsales of any company I've ever
been with and the men supportedme and loved me and like lifted

(47:50):
me up and it's just a wildsubset of people.
Yeah, I don't even know whatit's called.
I don't even know if that'swhat it's called.
It's just a very different.
There's a lot of ego and likeand I don't operate like that
and so, because I don't operatethat like that it's, I don't
know, it's wrong.
I think it's wrong, I don'tknow.
I'm just never going to be oneto beat my chest because I don't
deserve that.
I didn't do anything.
I shouldn't even be alive Like.

(48:11):
I'm blessed to have anoccupation, a career, a business
where I can help people and dosomething I love.

I don't get to beat my chest because of that,
right, it's absurd, it's reallyinteresting that I often draw on
the really shit times of mylife when I was drinking or
using or fill in the blank and Iuse that fuel a lot of times
because I know how bad it canget.
I know where what it's like tofeel like you just want to drive
off the side of the road orfill in the blank, right, people

(48:47):
have all kinds of crazythoughts and you mentioned
earlier that drugs and alcoholdidn't even enter your mind.
I get that Like if you've beensober long enough, you
understand like there's zerodrugs and alcohol are going to
help in any situation.
For people like us, like it'sjust not going to.

(49:09):
It's not going to make.
I'm not a betting man, but Iwould bet that your life is
going to go far worse if youdecide to pour a drink in you or
drug for sure no-transcript.

Try and overcome.
A lot of trauma, a lot oftrauma from when I was a little
girl, a lot of trauma growing up, trauma in sobriety, just
constant.
One thing after another that,but I'll tell you, man.
One thing after another that,but I'll tell you, man, the
number of people that I've beenable to help with my stories of
overcoming these things isincredible.
And it's not just women, it'snot just women I sponsor, it's a

(50:01):
lot of people go through stuffand I've always wondered what my
purpose was.
Always and I know what mypurpose is like and I'm aware I
know full well my purpose is tojust help people in any capacity
.
And in times like this, whenthings are so hard and I'm just
so deflated and I don't know ifI can get back up again, that's

(50:22):
what keeps me going, is that Godhas a purpose for me, and by me
overcoming this and by meliving to tell about it and by
me not running my truck off aroad or turning to an easy way
out, or, but just the only wayout is through, but just going
through it, no matter howpainful that is.
When I come out on the otherside, there's just one more
story of hope, that there ishope.

(50:44):
There is hope in any situation,and I'm really grateful for
that.
There's a lot of times I wishlike God didn't give you
anything you can't handle.
Well, listen, I can handle it,but I just don't want to.
Just let me live.
But this is just one more thing, man, that I've made it through
and I've well, I'm stilldealing with it.
It sucks, but just everythingthat I make it through just more
testament to God's grace and,yes, my purpose here.

So you mentioned trauma early on.
Do you mind diving into that?
Can you just paint a picture of?

maybe a little bit about what that was.
Yeah, this took me a year.
I had repressed most of mychildhood.
This took me years of therapy,and so 99% sure that I was
molested by somebody very closemale member of the family.
The only reason that 1% isthere is because I don't

(51:40):
remember the actual act.
But so my therapist would tellyou yes, it absolutely happened.
I'm going to say 99%, but evenI think more so than that, just
the feeling of inadequacy.
It didn't matter what I did, itwasn't good enough.
I felt like I was always.
I repressed a lot of it, man, Ijust don't remember my parents
really being there or beingsupportive, and I talked to a
couple of friends from back thenand I don't talk to a whole lot

(52:01):
of people that I grew up withwhen I was younger and I went to
an all girls school.
I went to an all girls privateschool and my education was
wonderful and I was an Olympiclevel gymnast.
I did club gymnastics and it'slike I was still begging for my
parents' approval and for themto be proud of me and I didn't
realize how much that affectedme until I started this EMDR

(52:22):
therapy, which I was like forcedinto because of the trauma that
I was dealing with, this likeguy with the protection order,
and so I was like I've got toget into therapy and so I
started and I was able to bringup all these other things and,
god, that's affected me my wholelife, like this feeling of
inadequacy and begging for thebare minimum and always feeling
less than and not worthy and notgood enough, and just begging

(52:45):
for somebody to see my worth.
Well, when you don't loveyourself and you don't know your
own worth, nobody else can seeit either.
And so I had to again change me.
It had nothing to do with thepeople around me not seeing my
worth.
It was that I didn't see it,and until I saw it, I was going
to always accept shit.

Yeah, okay, so let's back up for a second,
because this rings a bell withme and you and I have talked
about this a bit off of this oraway from the podcast.
So I didn't realize that I havebeen seeking approval for years
and I just realized this in thelast six or seven weeks.
I just didn't realize thatthings that I dealt with and I

(53:30):
didn't deal with being molestedor being beaten or anything of
that magnitude, so I can'tidentify with that.
But I can identify with theconstant approval seeking.
And then I think about theyears.
Well, I don't even know when itreally started.
I guess I can guess early,early, early childhood, but all

(53:53):
the years in between the lastseven weeks and early childhood
there's a lot, not weeks, years.
There's so much there.
And as I look back at pastrelationships and how those have
not worked out, a lot of those,a lot of the things, it was
always somebody else's fault, ofcourse, but the truth of this

(54:15):
matter is, like you said, itreally wasn't their fault.
It was how I showed up and howI was trying to seek approval
and doing things that I thoughtwould be validating for the
other person, to validate me,except for they didn't know I
was doing them.
For that reason I didn't know Iwas doing them for that reason.

(54:36):
So it was quite humbling torealize that a lot of the things
in previous marriages andprevious relationships were all

(54:57):
my fault because of thisapproval seeking codependent
person that I've been, that I'vebeen living with for the last
up to decades, and so there'ssome freedom to that, but then
there's also not.
At first it's like what thefuck?
Like how you know how did thishappen?

(55:20):
But now that I understand and,look, I haven't gone through six
weeks of talking to a therapistLike I'm just cracking the book
on this, and I've read a bunchof books on codependency and
adult children of alcoholics anddysfunction, and so I
understand more at anintellectual level why I've done

(55:46):
these things.
But I wouldn't say that I'venecessarily worked through them.
And so they still come up.
The feeling of rejection stillcomes up in a lot of in
sometimes it's that feeling ofrejection is because I'm not
saying what I want or sayingwhat I need, but assuming you're

(56:09):
going to know what that is, andthen if I don't get it, you're
going to know what that is andthen if I don't get it, I'm
rejected and it's hard as a manto say for, or maybe not as a
man, maybe most men do, I don'tknow.
But what I do know is it'ssometimes it's hard for me to
say what I want because of thefear of rejection which all
stems from that approval seeking.

(56:30):
Is that?
Say that right?

Yeah, yeah, and I think that I was always like I
had just incredible fear ofabandonment, just debilitating
fear of abandonment.
Not even knowing so, I hadeverything that left.
My life had claw marks in itand it none of it was supposed
to be there.
So, after doing the work, likeand I realized my value and what

(56:54):
I bring to the table, thepeople like I don't lose people
anymore, man, people lose me,like I.
I know that and that was a realfor me to be able to hear to
like to sit here and say that toyou and actually mean that.
I know that's the truth, man, Iknow I'm a good person and so

(57:16):
if you want to go, they can go.
So you can go like.
And if I don't feel, and if Idon't feel appreciated or the
what's going on is reciprocated,I can go too.
I never used to be able to dothat, but what, what?
That's why I stayed in abusivesituations.
I would have still been at thisother company crying miserable,
my mental health would havebeen fucked and I'd been laying
on the couch because I wouldn'thave had the strength to stand

(57:37):
up for myself and walk out thedamn door.

That's all from recovery and all from therapy,
all of that yeah, but you didn'tknow that, right, you would
have been laying on the couch,not knowing why you were laying
on the couch for sure.

I would have no idea.
I would have just stayedmiserable yeah and my mental
health would have been no idea.
I would have just stayedmiserable.
Yeah, and my mental healthwould have been tragic.
I wouldn't have been a use toanybody.
I would have probably ended upin the psych ward, like there
would have been.
There'd have been a host ofthings that would have gone
terribly wrong.
But I'm so and sometimes listen,this isn't, this is something
new for me and so I operated ina certain manner for 40, some

(58:14):
years, and so that little girlstill comes up every once in a
while.
You know what I mean, becausewe've worked on this adult Aaron
, healing this portion, butthere's still work to do on the
little girl.
We've done some, but she'sstill a broken little girl in
there, and sometimes she popsout and wreaks havoc.
And I do get scared, and I do,I do question myself and I do
question everything about me,and I do get scared and I do, I
do question myself and I doquestion everything about me,

(58:36):
and I do feel less than, and Ido feel unworthy and and.
But it doesn't last, it's notconsistent there.
There are thoughts that I'llhave that I can beat, though,
because that's not the reality.
That's not the reality.
That's that little girl inthere that still feels that way
because she's she had to have asafe grownup.

(58:57):
She had to have a safe grownup,erin, to be able to pull her
out of that mess.
But yeah, sometimes thathappens.
It's not a perfect science.
This, this situation right here, dude, has been crushing.
I have second guessed myability, which sucks, dude,
because there's no reason Ishould question my ability None
at all.
I know I can do this.
Is it going to be hard?
Hell yeah, it's going to behard, but I can do it.

(59:19):
But I've questioned and I'vequestioned everything about
myself, but I think that was thegoal.

And that's the little girl though.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So, but the grown upup Erin, though, she's a bad
bitch and she'll pull herself upby the bootstraps and she'll
get back out there and wipe hertears off and put war paint on.
And this won't be the firsttime I've done it.
It'll be, it won't be thethousand and first time I've
done it.
I don't stay down.
I might get down, I might cryit out, I might be pissed, but
I'm going to come back likestronger.

(59:49):
That's the crazy thing abouthealing is that the when you
feel like you're like breaking,you know that's like when you
feel like you're just broken andall the pieces are laying on
the ground and you don't knowwhat to do with them.
The cool part about that is youget to pick them up and form
them in some type of afoundational structure that is

(01:00:10):
not breakable, and you can leavepieces on the ground that don't
serve you anymore.
And so, yeah, I might be piecedback together with super glue
and a little bit of duct tapehere and there, but the pieces
that I've chose to bring with meare the pieces that serve me
moving forward and that are inalignment with the life that I'm
trying to create.
What's the life?

Corey Berrier (01:00:30):
that I'm trying to create.
Yeah Well, we can listen, wecan hear, as rough as it sounds,
I need to be in a lot of painto be able to hear the message.
I can't hear it if things aregoing fucking great.
I can't hear it if I'm coastingalong comfortably For me.
I need to be in pain if I need,if I'm going to get the lesson.

(01:00:54):
And as unfortunate as that maysound, I do know when that pain
happens and I'm in it.
I know it's not going to lastand I do know on the other side
of it, that I am going to comeout stronger and with growth.
But man, it sucks being in it.

Erin Mohoney (01:01:13):
Yeah, it does.
This is the past three weekshas been really, I'm telling you
, it's been difficult, Like ithas been difficult because I
just it doesn't feel good.
It doesn't feel good at all.
God.
Just so much hate.
This is somebody that claimedto care about me.
Matter of fact, the lastmessage I got from this person I
knew that he didn't mean it wasthat I loved't mean.
It was that I loved you.

(01:01:34):
This was on the 17th.
I told everybody here when youleft that I love you and I would
support you and I hope yousucceed.
This is the last message I havefrom this person and the next
day, open up an llc with mybrand name doesn't feel real
good, man.

It feels dirty well, he's going to get likely
what's coming to him at somepoint.

I'm not too sure you know what I mean.
I can't sue him.
He knows that I really justwant my brand I don't even want
anything.
I don't care if I could go tocourt and sue him and win $3
million.
I don't give a shit.
I just want to move on with mylife.
I want the name of my companyback and that's it.
That is literally it.
All you had to do was justdissolve it answer my attorney,

(01:02:15):
and then we wouldn't be in thesituation.
But I do have a voice.
God gave me that voice for areason.
I do have truth on my side.
So, regardless, with truth andGod on my side, that makes me
far from weak, contrary to whatanybody else might care to
believe.

Yeah, it's not really our business what they
think or believe.

It's not at all.
I love to be underestimated.
That's when I do my finest work, spend a lifetime being
underestimated.

Yeah.

Almost half a century.
Can you believe that?

Well, it is hard to believe, but there's a lot of
lessons that you've learned inthis half a century and I think
you're just getting started.
I think that this is going tohelp women just to and hell,
maybe even some men you neverknow to be more successful and
to have the courage to do thingsthat maybe they wouldn't have

(01:03:11):
courage to do so.
And and the fact that you havementioned to me before that you
also go and take, don't you take, meetings in a treatment
centers pretty often.

Yeah, I speak at.
I speak at two treatmentcenters monthly.
So two nights a month.
One night I'm at one treatmentcenter, one night I'm at the
other one.
So I do that monthly.
I've been doing the one forabout a year and a half now.
I've spoken.
There's a women's prison inMarysville.
I've spoken there a few times.
I've spoken at one of the men'sprisons here in town, north of
the city, up in Marion, and man,I love it's just.

(01:03:46):
There is just something sofulfilling about doing that and
I couldn't even like articulatewhat it was, the way that I felt
after.
Like the first couple of timesI spoke at the women's prison I
was like there wasn't humility,it wasn't gratitude and I
couldn't place what it was.
And somebody told me about ayear later they were like that

(01:04:07):
was fulfillment.
You felt fulfilled and I waslike, of course I couldn't place
that I'd never felt fulfilledin my life.
Even the things that I thoughtwere fulfilling weren't at all.
I was still there, wasn'tanything fulfilling and man,
there is just to be able to, tobe able to share a story in a
way that people can just relateto and that you can see, you can

(01:04:28):
feel like the energy.
You can feel God in those roomsand you can just feel that you
are getting through to thesepeople.
You just tell in that I've gotlike a hair on my nose,
something that's driving mecrazy, but there is.
There's just no feeling in theworld like that just to be able
to tell a story.
It's just my story.

(01:04:48):
It's nothing, just my story.
Do I mean?
That's nothing, just my story.
Do I have a story to tell?
Absolutely, I have a story totell, but really it's just my
story of a lot of things, a lotof things being stacked up
against me, a lot of shit tohave to overcome.
But man, like I would have neverin a million years, the life I
have today I could not havedreamed of in my wildest dreams.

(01:05:09):
And it's got nothing to do withthe stuff like you can't, the
stuff that my life consists of.
That is beyond my wildestdreams.
You can't see.
You can't see any of it.
Is my truck cool?
Yeah, my truck's bad as fuck.
I love it.
My park is great, the dogs arewonderful, but it's on the
inside, like that's whatsobriety recovery has provided

(01:05:33):
me.
It's a feeling of not having tolook over my shoulder because
of something I did.
It's a feeling of when thingsgo sideways like this what did I
do to start it off?
Well, nothing this time.
Nothing being able to go to bedwith a clear conscience.
Or when somebody says Iremember the first time in
recovery when somebody was like,hey, we need to talk, but I

(01:05:57):
can't do it until two days, orwhatever my initial
physiological reaction is holyshit what did they do?
what did I get caught doing?
You know what I mean?
And and then it hit me, I waswas like, oh, I didn't do
anything, this isn't a meproblem.

Yeah.

So that was pretty cool.
I remember that very distinctly.
It was a weird and that wasjust.
That was a wild feeling,because it was just this initial
oh my God, I'm in trouble, yeah.
And then I realized I wasn't,and so that is.
There is something to be saidfor that man.

Yeah, I agree.
Well, Erin, where can peoplefind you if they want to reach
out?

They can find me.
I have a Facebook page.
The website is still underconstruction.
There's a landing page rightnow, but the website is
theroofhercom R-O-O-F-H-E-Rcom.
My email is erin attheroofhercom.
Personal number 614-588-4620.

(01:07:01):
Business phone 614-965-7551.
And I am always here to supportanybody that's trying to get
sober or a female in theindustry.
It's not a Tinder.
I didn't throw this out here toget phone calls for dating.
Anything business or recoveryrelated would be fabulous.

(01:07:24):
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm always here to help.
Truly, I know that's my purpose, man, so anything I can do to
help, that's what I'm here to do.

Well, I appreciate you and I appreciate
the conversation today.
Thank you.

Yeah, it's been great.
I appreciate you having me on,Corey.
It's been a pleasure to get toknow you and watch your growth
since you and I have met.
It's been a really cool thingto be a part of.
So thank you for allowing mespace in your life to be a part
of this journey.

You're very welcome.

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