February 7, 2025 • 63 mins
What if 80% of your success relied solely on your mindset? Join us for an insightful conversation with Laura Kelly, who shares her wisdom on how aligning your values with happiness and setting challenging goals can pave the high road to success. Drawing inspiration from her transformative experience with Tony Robbins, Laura reveals the power of personal values and how understanding the rules we attach to them can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling life. Get ready to explore the psychology behind success and how a mindset shift can be the key to unlocking your potential.
In this episode, we dive into the nuances of personal connections and fulfillment. Discover how redefining your emotional needs beyond physical intimacy can enhance your sense of love and connection. We venture into the realm of gratitude and the practice of priming, highlighting how these tools can shift your focus toward positivity and improve your overall quality of life. Laura and I discuss how setting realistic, self-attainable rules can be transformative, and how a positive mental state can lead to better physical health and stronger relationships.
As we wrap up, we tackle the often-overlooked concept of the "primary question" and its role in shaping our lives. By reframing these subconscious inquiries, we open up new avenues for personal growth and contribution. Learn how to start each day with gratitude and empowering questions that align with your values, setting the stage for a harmonious and productive future. Laura's journey provides practical insights into embracing ease, letting go of control, and finding tranquility through mindset shifts. Tune in to discover how you can ask the right questions to steer your life toward growth, self-acceptance, and a fulfilling 2025.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Corey Berrier (00:01):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier,and I'm here with the one and
only Laura Kelly.
Laura Kelly (00:07):
Hey, Laura to bring everything that, uh, I
inherited and learned and, Ithink, conducively endured over
(00:28):
the course of 2024, and bringthat, uh, bring that insight,
that, that knowledge, thatwisdom to your audience today
and and share what, as as we inclover there, we've been very
lucky to speak with likehundreds and hundreds of
businesses, and there's thiscommon pattern that I see
(00:49):
everywhere and I have seeneverywhere for most of my career
, that 80 of success ispsychology and and 20 is the
mechanics.
Like 20 of skill, 80 is reallyhow is our psychology is how we,
how we behave, how we interactwith the world, our beliefs, our
values and how we speak toourselves.
So today I would be stoked toshare with you the three
(01:16):
variables that are veryomnipresent amid high performers
and how they set themselves upfor more success around,
predominantly around how theythink.
And what was interesting is Iam I.
My undergrad is psychology, myundergrad was psychology, so
(01:37):
that's kind of where my, my, myjourney all started and into
really understanding humans andI.
I read a book from Tony Robbinsand since that day I was hooked
on him.
I was like this guy is just africking genius.
So I've always had a desire tospend more time with him and
Josh, two Christmases ago,purchased a ticket for me to
(01:59):
spend six days with him and theywere like 16 to 18 hour days,
hour days, and gosh Corey, whatI discovered about myself was so
profound and I was justsurrounded by such incredible
humans and it just, it justsolidified the patterns I've
seen in humans for just so longnow, and I'm excited to share
some of those things.
So the the one of the thingsthat sticks out for for me is a
(02:26):
phrase that he says.
He says most people have ahighway to unhappiness and a
dirt road to happiness, and thegoal is to really switch that
around.
So how can we have a high roadto happiness and make it quite
difficult for ourselves toexperience unhappiness,
happiness and make it quitedifficult for ourselves to
(02:48):
experience unhappiness?
And so how that kind ofconversation transformed with
Tony was he had me look at myvalues and he suggests that we
all make our values so conduciveto us experiencing happiness.
And then we make our goals, thethings that are hard and that
(03:10):
push us and that stretch us andthat inspire us, but our values
are things that are achievable.
So I encourage you, know you,even here today.
So I encourage you know you,even here today, corey, to ask
yourself.
We've all heard the word, we'veall heard the term values, but
(03:31):
many people, many people don'tintentionally set their values.
Their values are set for themby just exposure to life.
And if we really assess, notwhat we would desire our values
to be, but what they actuallyare like, whether we like that
or not, what are they really?
So my encouragement to you,even here, corey, if you're
(03:52):
comfortable to do this, is likewhat are?
Are you comfortable with uskind of going back and forth on
this A hundred percent.
What are your?
What are your top five currentvalues?
Do you believe Not what you'dlike them to be?
What are they actually?
Corey Berrier (04:08):
The first one is, for sure, honesty.
Okay, I believe, yeah, Ibelieve that honesty it really
starts with honesty.
The second one would bevulnerability.
Laura Kelly (04:20):
Okay.
Corey Berrier (04:21):
The third one would be I think I don't know if
genuineness would fall in thosetwo categories, but I believe
that could be a third one.
The the.
Laura Kelly (04:33):
The thing with values is it doesn't have to if,
if a val, if so, if a word, itcauses an emotional response to
you and it moves you in.
Either it moves you in adirection, whether it's
conducive or not, because rightnow we're not necessarily
intentionally setting values.
We're becoming aware of whatthe one, what are the ones that
are currently driving us.
It doesn't matter like, itdoesn't matter what term you
(04:57):
give that like for me, like likesuccess could create an
emotional, visceral response forone individual and fulfillment
could cause.
It could mean this.
I think I know you well enoughnow to know that there's enough
(05:28):
vigor around, like yourwillingness and desire to know
yourself, that you've probablyquite a solid idea as to what
drives you.
So so, so honesty,vulnerability, you said
genuineness, what are your, whatare the, what are the other two
?
Corey Berrier (05:42):
I would say learn , uh say learning has become
pretty valuable.
And success in two differentways right.
There's, you know, obviouslythere's a financial success.
There's success knowing thatyou're making a change.
Laura Kelly (05:56):
Yeah.
Corey Berrier (05:57):
Then there's a success in my relationship with
Maddie, as an example, For sure.
So I know that was a little bitmore than what you asked, but I
have to break it down like thatno, it's, it's great.
Laura Kelly (06:08):
It's great because it's because I.
Success means different thingsto success means different
things to different people, andone person's definition of
success does not necessarilyhave to be yours mine.
I certainly, certainly, youknow I would encourage anyone
away from that reality.
Success is what you believesuccess to be.
(06:30):
So I ask you that question fora few reasons.
A lot of people have values.
Some are more intentional aboutselling, selling them and
others are not.
It sounds like it sounds likeyours are, you know, relatively
conducive.
The interesting thing Idiscovered at Tony was that we
have values, that we have valuesthat we either intentionally
set or are set for us.
But my next question to you,corey, would be what rules do
(06:53):
you associate with each value?
So what a lot of people do isthey say, ok, my top highest
value might be six.
So for me, my values were notas actually actually conducive
at all, they were successachievement.
It was shit that it was.
So he encouraged you to look atyour values and then say, okay,
based on these top five values,do you think you're on a track
(07:17):
to greater success or greatersuffering?
And I was totally on a track togreater suffering.
In what?
Corey Berrier (07:21):
way.
Laura Kelly (07:23):
So it's a great question and it brings me to the
, to the point on rules.
I, I, achievement and successwere like.
I wish I had my book now torefer back.
We're like right up there atthe top, but then I had rules.
So everyone has a rule, hasrules associated with their
values, meaning what would haveto happen in order for me to
(07:44):
feel success?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel success?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel achievement
?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel love?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel growth?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel x and, for
the most part, um.
Our rules make the achievementof what we believe is our
highest values very difficult toachieve.
(08:05):
So for me, oh, it was so muchwild shit, like excuse my
language, but it was like.
It was like so wild that it waslike that that I was going to
end.
No wonder I had a dirt roadthat made me fall easier into
not feeling so great aboutmyself, into a highway, into not
feeling so great about myself.
I made it.
The rules I had associated withmy values were so wildly
(08:26):
unattainable and harsh andshitty and not actually aligned
with my essence, so I was ableto shift mine to mine was.
Mine now is like warmth,calmness, warmth, calmness,
cheerfulness, growth.
I have them all wrote out.
I'm actually getting my boardprinted Worth calmness,
cheerfulness, growth, and how myrules associated with each are
(08:51):
like incredibly attainable.
So now I have this blueprintfor experiencing joy on an
ongoing basis.
So my encouragement to everybodylistening, and my encouragement
to you, Corey, would be to lookat your values and say, OK, are
these values conducive to meliving a path of joy and
fulfillment?
Because, remember, our valuesare intended to bring us closer
(09:13):
to joy, to allow us and notnecessarily to challenge us to
just bring us closer to ouressence and to joy and to
fulfillment.
Our goals are there to push usand challenge us and to
facilitate us growing.
But then I would ask you to goa step deeper.
What are the rules you haveassociated with each?
So, what are the rules you haveassociated with honesty?
What are the rules you haveassociated with vulnerability?
(09:34):
What are the rules you'veassociated with generosity?
And I would.
Corey Berrier (09:40):
That's a good one , so I think it's expectation
actually yes, I think part ofthat is that I and I know I
can't place expectations onother people because I'm likely
going to get let down, but, asyou said that, I realized that's
also what I expect of otherpeople 100%.
Laura Kelly (09:59):
We typically project our desires onto others
and, as a result, measure themas to whether they are
fulfilling a satisfactorymeasurement in our eyes, and
that allows us fall into eitherjudgment, dissatisfaction or
appreciation.
And if you're consistentlyliving in dissatisfaction and
(10:21):
not enoughness, either foryourself or your loved one or
others, it's going to be verydifficult to have one of your
core human needs met, which isconnection.
So so, yeah, so.
So my encouragement tolisteners and to you, corey,
would be to dig into what wouldhave to happen in order for you
to feel honesty.
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
(10:42):
vulnerability?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
genuineness?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
vulnerability?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
genuineness?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel learning?
What would have to happen?
So, for instance, if we tooklearning and values are the
thing that attributes to usfeeling successful and happy and
joy and fulfilled, if ithypothetically was, I only
experience learning if I read achapter a day, or 20 pages a day
(11:05):
and say, for instance, you missa day because life happens.
Now your criteria forfulfillment is not checked, so
therefore you're less fulfilledbecause in your head, you don't
hit your criteria of that value.
So commonly, the values that wewant to adhere to or live by
(11:27):
might be good.
They either could be good orinconduitive, unconducive and
and and chances are, even ifthey're good.
Like somebody I've coachedrecently, one of their highest
values was love and the own.
One of their rules for feelingloved was was if they had to
have sex every day to feel loved.
Corey Berrier (11:48):
Wow.
Laura Kelly (11:49):
And if they didn't have sex every day, they didn't
feel loved and in that momentthey were like what the frick?
That is so much pressure I'mputting upon my relationship and
, like you know, life happens.
I travel, they travel, that's alot, travel, that's a lot.
And this person had like such awake up and realized that that
(12:11):
is a like, that is not a rule Ican associate with love,
especially if it's my highestvalue and it was.
It was just an unawareness andso many of us have rules
associated with our values thatmake it so difficult for us to
achieve true fulfillment and joy.
It it is okay and this is it isokay to have a goal that would
say I would like this.
This is just hypotheticalattributing to this guy I
(12:33):
coached.
It would be okay for him tohave a goal to say I would like
to be in a relationship that Ifelt, that I had.
That my level of like, physicalintimacy I would rate on a
scale of eight to 10 or whatever.
So there is a metric associatedwith that goal and that was a
goal different, because then itforces perhaps conversation with
his spouse and all of that andit facilitates a growth
(12:54):
opportunity.
But if it's the, if it's avariable associated with his
highest value, and whether ornot he feels fulfillment, joy or
love.
It's a very big problem.
So my encouragement to everybodylistening is know what your
values are, and that is a verythat is a popular suggestion on
(13:15):
the path of personal development.
But what isn't so popular iswhat are the rules you have
associated with that value?
Are you really setting yourselfup to feel true joy?
If love is what's mostimportant to you, if success is
what's most important to you, ifcontribution is what's most
important to you, what are therules associated with that?
So like say, for instance, ifcontribution was most important
to you, you can contribute in.
(13:38):
I'm actually going to pull upmy board here so I can like how
you can make the achievement ofthese things far easier.
So I'm going to pull up one ofmy values here Warmth is my top
value.
Right, anytime I act loving orhave love in my heart or have
(13:58):
loving energy, I fulfill my topvalue.
How freaking easy that's goingto happen.
That is definitely going tohappen.
Calm, anytime I affirm my newprimary question or take a
breath, like I have so muchcontrol over that.
It's so attainable.
Health, health and vitality ismy third Anytime I treat my body
with love or respect, oranytime I exercise, or anytime I
(14:18):
push my body to expand itspresent limits.
Four cheerfulness, fun,laughter, anytime I make myself
laugh or choose to engage in asource of laughter, or anytime I
have a smile on my, a smile onmy heart, or anytime I do
something playful all sofricking, achievable.
And values and rules are thepaths to fulfillment.
Goals are great, they, they,they inspire us, they force us
(14:39):
to grow.
They're very fricking,important, but they, they, they,
they.
A goal doesn't define who weare.
It expands who we are.
Our values and the rulesassociated with our values allow
us to be in our true essence.
So when I described what thosevalues were, what I was
(15:01):
describing was the rules I nowhave associated with those
values, not what I previouslyhad associated with those values
.
Corey Berrier (15:08):
What were the values going into this?
Laura Kelly (15:10):
Oh, good, good, I know what they are, but I wish I
had the rules.
I wish I had my book.
I actually took it to Irelandwith me and I left it in the
backseat of my sister's car.
But I, they, they, they.
My old values were success.
My old values were achievement,and the shit that I had to
accomplish to in order toachieve those, in order to feel
those, oh my gosh, were so mean,they were so mean, they were so
(15:31):
harsh.
No wonder I was constantlyberating myself and bouncing
between anxiety and depression.
I, like it's like thisacknowledgement was just like oh
, just joy, just peace.
Just, you know, those weightedvests that people wear to to get
their cardio up is like I, it'slike I took one of those off
(15:53):
and this was not just me, it was, it was three and a half
thousand other people that werein the room with me.
This exercise was so frickingprofound and I just wish it for
everybody.
I want you to intentionally lookat your values and be, but way
beyond that is the rulesassociated with those values.
There's for me, I have eight,and tony does encourage you to
have eight, but the top three tofive really, really drive your
(16:15):
life and and that would be my,you know encouragement to you,
cory, after this podcast, and toany of your listeners make
happiness, so freaking,achievable, and the greater joy
you experience on a day-to-daybasis, the greater success
you're going to be able toattract and bring into your life
and your existence existence.
So make joy achievable.
(16:35):
How you do that is values andrules associated.
Corey Berrier (16:38):
that is how you you bring more joy into your
life let me ask you this reallyquick yes, yeah, all right so
let's get back to the guy thatyou coached and you said I want
to.
I think you said he wanted tobe intimate each day with his
partner.
Laura Kelly (16:53):
Yes, that was how that was he.
Unless he got that, he didn'tfeel loved.
Corey Berrier (16:58):
Yeah, but is that a physical intimacy?
Because you know there's, youknow I understand that the
physical part is important, butI also now understand that it's
also just as important just tobe with the person, regardless
if you're intimate or not, butin a very present way.
Laura Kelly (17:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So my thought here and myhallucination is that you have
that awareness he had, that heintellectually knew that to be
true and would probably speakthat out, but he never, until he
(17:43):
tapped into his likeunconscious way of operating,
realized that that was a like.
Many, many people could choosea rule that they believe they
could choose a value and choosea desire for their life that
they believe will bring themgreater joy.
But unless we choose a rulethat facilitates joy being
(18:07):
achieved with greater likefrequency, it's going to be very
difficult for us to experiencetrue prosperity.
So he now reassessed, and, yes,what he truly wants is
connection.
For sure, that's what he's,that's what he's absolutely
seeking, that's what most of ushumans are seeking, that is what
he, that is what he wants, andthere's so many ways of
achieving that.
And now his now.
(18:29):
Anytime he experiences warmthin his heart when he sees, looks
, feels, talks to his spouse, hehas achieved one of his primary
needs, one of his primaryvalues.
He was he.
He he's now just giving himselfthe permission to feel the love
that was always there.
But prior he put this parameteron it that if he didn't, if the
(18:51):
X didn't happen, he wasn'tgoing to allow himself to
experience true quotation markslove.
Corey Berrier (19:00):
It's interesting because you know, as you know,
I'm in recovery and the oppositeof addiction is connection.
For sure, I mean recovery andthe opposite of addiction is
connection.
Laura Kelly (19:08):
Sure.
Corey Berrier (19:09):
Because when you're in addiction or when
you're in, you know, a depressedstate of mind or anxiety or
whatever those things, there's away to it's a way it fulfills
(19:33):
that part in your soul that youare yearning for with that
addiction or that depression orwhatever it may be.
Laura Kelly (19:41):
A hundred percent.
We, as humans, need love.
We need connection.
It makes us feel alive.
It's one of the biggestattributes to long-term health.
We need connection.
It makes us feel alive.
It's one of the biggestattributes to long-term health.
A hundred percent.
And for the most part, when weengage in unconducive behaviors,
it is because we are lacking asense of love and connection and
we're trying to fill that voidand we can fill that and with
(20:05):
that awareness we can thencreate.
We're aware that perhaps a highvalue, a high conducive value,
would be love and connection andwhat would be some attainable
rules I could associate withthat value so I could experience
that on an ongoing basis andnot just experience it,
acknowledge it and count it ascount it.
Count it.
(20:29):
You know, you can.
You can be experiencing love.
You can be experiencing loveall the time.
But unless it's acknowledged,it's like a wasted opportunity
for you to live into thatemotion and live into that
feeling.
Corey Berrier (20:35):
So when you say, when you say acknowledge, is
that acknowledge for yourself oralso acknowledged from the
other person?
Laura Kelly (20:46):
what do mean?
Corey Berrier (20:47):
So you said when you acknowledge that love I
can't remember exactly how yousaid it, but when you
acknowledge that, I wasn't sureif you meant.
I guess it'd be validation ifyou were looking for that
acknowledgement from anotherperson, from another person.
Laura Kelly (21:07):
Yeah, yeah, and I would be cautious to associate a
rule that has to be that canonly be achieved or experienced
if an external force that youdon't have control over delivers
.
Corey Berrier (21:22):
Right.
Laura Kelly (21:24):
Like, the rules have to be self-attainable.
Yes, we can't control another,and if we seek to control
another, what we're really doingis creating distance between
others, between ourselves andothers, and and and uh, one of
the quickest ways to facilitatedistance in between a masculine
and a feminine is criticism.
So the the my encouragement toyou as you develop these and map
(21:48):
these all out the rules have tobe one that you can either
self-observe, self-attain,self-perceive.
Things that are within our owncontrol To feel.
Do, say, be experience, notdetermined upon another person
acting a certain way or theworld bringing a thing to you in
(22:10):
a certain way.
All of those things are outsideof our control.
What we have control over isour internal experience, our
perception and, like I mentionedat the start, 80% of our
success.
And success means a differentthing to different people.
I think a broader term thatencompasses more.
People's definition of successis like true fulfillment, like
(22:31):
waking up every day and trulyhaving, like true appreciation
for the day to come.
That would be far easierattained if your rules are ones
that you can influence.
If your rules are ones that youcan influence.
Corey Berrier (22:47):
You feel like you can't.
So, as you know, and I send youmy gratitude list.
Part of the reason that I dothat is because it some days
it's it's a bit of a hack for me, because oh it's for sure it is
.
It's not like I wake up everyday with gratitude.
Some days I don't, but thatforces me to look at the things
(23:11):
that I'm grateful for.
Laura Kelly (23:13):
Such a good, good, good point, 100%.
And it's back to the phrasethat the reason most people have
a highway to unhappiness is ourbrains are wired to protect us.
Yeah, so so we're, so we're, sowe're.
We're wired in a way toacknowledge shit that puts us in
(23:36):
danger, either real or imagined.
So, therefore, what we arewired to pay attention to, we
see more of.
So what we're wired toacknowledge, and what we
acknowledge, the things that weacknowledge the most, causes us
to focus more on those, you know, more difficult scenarios of
our life, and where focus goes,energy flows, and what you focus
(24:00):
on, you get more of.
So it's so easy.
So the first thing when,typically when we wake up in the
morning, very commonly, is likeshit, I really want to stay in
bed, it's so comfortable, Idon't really want to get up,
it's cold, I don't want to getup.
So the first thoughts, or allof the things that we have to
tackle that day, so the firstthoughts are overwhelm, delay,
(24:22):
procrastination, none of whichfill us with vigor to go about a
day of accomplishment and joy.
So you can be a victim to thosethings and be and react based
on those stimuli, which are justour freaking thoughts, or we
(24:44):
can engage in an exercise thatrefocuses us to something that
is conducive and how we start,how we start our day and what we
what you choose to payattention to you'll start to see
more of.
And what Corey does everymorning is he writes down the
thing he's grateful for and hesends them to people, so he's
you're not just spreadinggratitude, you're giving
yourself the opportunity.
(25:04):
Like a lot of people writebooks, because it's not
necessarily for their audience,it's for them.
A lot of people have podcasts.
It's not necessarily for theiraudience, it's a great byproduct
, but it helps them.
The same thing with yourgratitude list, like, you are
giving yourself the opportunityevery day to pay attention to
the things in your life that arebeautiful and, as a result,
you're going to see more of themthroughout the day and, as a
(25:33):
result, you're giving yourselfthe opportunity to have a, to
have an easier time having ahighway to happiness.
So my so, so since I left Tony,I have been there's an exercise
, I've been sending a whole loadof people and I just get a kick
out of saying I want you tolisten to this video, take 15
minutes and text me what youfeel afterwards, and I have
people texting me saying I'mcrying.
I have never fear, experiencedso much joy, all these things,
and all it is is an exercisewhere Tony takes you through it,
(25:54):
and it's, it's, it's.
You spend three minutes ingratitude, you spend three
minutes in pride, you spendthree minutes in priming.
It is priming yeah, we shouldlink it.
I can link it in your shownotes, it's called.
Corey Berrier (26:06):
Oh, I listened to it for years.
I mean like years, it's awesomeisn't it?
Laura Kelly (26:10):
And that's all you're doing, that's all he's
doing, and I encourage everybodylistening have some sort of a
practice that overrides one'stendency to focus on what we
have to do versus what we get todo, the obligations of life
versus the blessings of life,the the to-do list versus the I
(26:35):
get to list the pains in theasses of people that we perhaps
have to speak to that day.
But we could do, we can.
But if you acknowledge all thethings that are truly beautiful,
or put or do a thing that youjust know guarantees a more
beautiful state for yourself,everything about your day, your
hours, your tasks, your freakingduties of the day will be more
(26:57):
joyful.
I can promise you and Iencourage you to take, give
yourself that gift of.
If you don't, if you can't take10 minutes for yourself every
day, like you don't have a life.
Like 10 minutes to giveyourself a greater hour, a
greater two hours, a greaterweek, month, quarter, year, it's
, it's, it's one of the mostlike people say when the morning
, when the day, you just have tofricking, take 10 minutes.
(27:20):
It doesn't have to be thisprofound two hour routine.
Corey Berrier (27:23):
That's right.
So the other, the other thingthat I found with the priming
exercise is it shows you, youget to live an example of how
powerful your mind is.
I'll tell you a quick story.
So I hurt my back years agodoing something in the gym and
(27:44):
forever it bothered me andbothered me.
Something in the gym, andforever it bothered me and
bothered me.
I started doing the primingexercise.
I didn't have because when hesays, you know, focus on your
body and where you're havingpain and focus on that area, or
something along those lines.
I didn't have pain in my backfor years.
Recently it started back up.
But I also haven't been doingthat exercise for the last
(28:07):
couple of years.
But I'm telling you, as God ismy witness, my back got better,
my back healed because of thatand people probably think I'm
nuts when I say this but yourmind, people can think.
Laura Kelly (28:22):
People can think, you know, I'm at a place where
people can think I'm as nuts asthey'd like, but I, I, if, if my
psychology is is is shooting onall cylinders and I'm
experiencing joy and fulfillment.
I couldn't give a hoot whatanyone thinks.
If I'm being, if I'mexperiencing joy and fulfillment
while being a good human, Icouldn't give a hoot what anyone
thinks.
And it's a liberating place tooperate from.
Sorry, go ahead.
Corey Berrier (28:41):
Yeah, no, that.
It's interesting that you saythat, because I think the last
time we talked, you said youknow what?
I think you asked me well, whatmakes it?
We talked about this.
We talked about, like you know,it's not my responsibility what
you think about me or anybodyelse thinks about me.
It's just not my business.
And and I and I think you askedme, well, how did I get to that
(29:03):
place?
And I'm not sure exactly how Igot to that place, other than I
just I can't control whatanybody thinks about me and it's
really none of my business forsure.
Laura Kelly (29:14):
100, 100, the, the, the.
I love, I love that there'ssuch that video.
That video is tapping into awhole host of like practices,
all in the all, jammered into 10minutes.
I really encourage it.
Put it.
I I'm sure cory will pop it inthe show notesmered into 10
minutes.
I really encourage it.
Put it.
I I'm sure Corey will pop it inthe show notes, but I encourage
you guys to listen to it.
It's a, it's a, it's, it's bomb.
It's truly awesome.
(29:34):
And and I have to be honest, Idon't give myself that gift
every every day either.
I do, but I always do it insome way.
The video is phenomenal and Ishould probably do it every day
and I shouldn't have an excuse.
But I definitely don't start myday without experiencing joy or
gratitude in some way, and forme I get it in different ways.
Like I, I just love, love, love.
(29:54):
Sitting down with my either kideither side of me and having my
coffee in the morning, and likejournaling or like perhaps
writing my gratitude list.
I like to have an element offlexibility in how I achieve
that, but I will never start myday without first centering
myself in a conducive emotion.
My whole, everyone I interactwith is better because of it.
(30:18):
So, so, so the next thing I I'dlike to bring to you, corey and
I think this is somethingperhaps you haven't been exposed
to because I have thrown myselfinto, like I've done my
undergrad, I've done my master's, I've read books and books and
I've never come across what I'mabout to share with you now, and
it's called my primary question.
This is something we unlocked,josh and I, at Tony he, he a
(30:50):
primary question.
It's a question that yousubconsciously ask yourself most
often and it shapes how you seethe world, like how you feel
and the results you get.
And Tony says like the qualityof your questions create a
quality life and successfulpeople just ask themselves
better questions and, as aresult, result, they get better
answers.
So, um, I, I want the.
(31:14):
The concept of a primaryquestion is we all have a
question that we ask ourselvesthe most, like you might, if you
think about people in your life.
There, there's, there's,there's something that that you
hear them say a lot, and chancesare that that's their primary
question.
(31:35):
Like, if I think about a lovedone, I'm thinking about my life
right now.
She always asks me am I okay?
Do I look okay?
Do I look okay?
Are you sure it's okay?
Is that okay?
Are you sure I look okay?
Her primary question isprobably do I look okay?
You sure it's okay?
Is that okay?
Are you sure I look okay?
Her primary question isprobably do I look okay, or am I
okay, or something, somethinggrounded in that phenomenon.
(31:56):
But, like I want everybodylistening to take a moment, and
you too, corey, to reflect on.
When something goes wrong, whatis the first question that pops
into your head?
And I want you to ask yourselfis it empowering or is it
limiting?
So an example could be like alimiting question could be why
does this always happen to me?
An empowering question could bewhat can I learn from this?
(32:16):
How can I grow?
So what?
I want everyone, everyonelistening today, and you too,
corey to choose a question thataligns with your values and your
goals.
So, for example, like how can Ibring joy and progress to every
day?
And then my, my encouragementto you is to repeat that to
yourself daily.
Now I'll give you my personalexperience.
This was like five frickingweighted vests taken off me when
(32:38):
I did this exercise.
The question I always askedmyself was and I didn't know it
consciously.
I did.
I hadn't.
I'd never heard the concept ofa primary question, but we all
have one and it was fascinatingto watch people in the group
unlock what theirs was.
Mine was how can I prove I amenough?
It ran around in my head like africkin hamster running so fast
on a wheel, like all the time,like almost OCD, like all the
(33:02):
frickin time.
How can I prove I am enough?
How can I prove I am enough?
And the whole philosophy aboutyour primary question is it's
the thing you're asking yourselfthe most, it's the question
you're primarily asking yourself.
And, as a result, it drives thefreaking ship.
It drives everywhere you go.
It drives how you think.
It drives the decisions youmake.
It drives the relationshipsyou're in.
(33:24):
It drives all your choices,your actions, your behaviors,
your career, your future.
You're in.
It does.
It drives all your choices,your actions, your behaviors,
your career, your future, youremotions.
It drives freaking.
So it drives.
It drives most of it drives 80percent of our life, perhaps
more so.
So my encouragement toeverybody is to understand what
their primary question is.
So that was mine.
How can I prove I am enough?
The acknowledgement of thatquestion alone was like winning
the lotto, like I felt like like, uh, one of a one, a business
(33:51):
partner of mine, who, who wasalso attending this event, was
like Laura, it looks you, looklike you've.
Like, it looks like you've justbecome like 10 years younger.
Like he just saw the stressmelt away from my face.
And this was before I had evendiscovered what my new primary
question was going to be.
And I'll take you through thisprocess, because I then set what
(34:16):
I thought was my new primaryquestion and it was how can I?
It was like how can Icontribute more?
So I was like okay, how can Icontribute more?
Corey Berrier (34:21):
This is me, me Subconsciously saying how can I
be, how can I, how can I be, howcan I?
Laura Kelly (34:31):
how can I be enough ?
You hit the nail on the head,but I didn't see that at the
time.
I was like this is moreconducive.
Contribution is a good thing.
I'll just contribute more.
It makes me less self-focused.
It makes me more focused onothers.
And then I was freaking.
The next morning we met in ourgroups and I was like anxious, I
had like a tight ass, and whenI get tense, I like my whole,
even my ass gets tight.
And I was like anxious, I hadlike a tight ass, and when I get
tense, I like my whole, even myass gets tight.
And I was like Josh, like thisis my question's shitty.
(34:51):
I feel I'm in my head now andit's still as compulsive as the
other one, but it's like whatcan I do right now?
So it was like fricking insteadof vanilla ice cream it was
honey bean vanilla ice cream.
It was just a different flavorof the same fricking thing.
So my encouragement to you allas you identify what your
(35:13):
primary question is and thenyour new one, make sure it's not
a similar, it's not a differentflavor of the same thing.
So I was like, well, this isshitty, I can't have this
primary question.
This is just is the other one.
And this gentleman came up to meat the start of the event.
He was like he was the coach ofour group and he had read my
(35:34):
questionnaire that and actuallyI can give you that
questionnaire to link to in theshow notes too.
We did a questionnaire pre thisevent and it was so.
It was like that alone wasfreaking, enlightening.
And he read my questionnaireand he was like Laura from
Clover, I'm here to support youthroughout your, throughout your
, throughout your journey.
And um, uh, he was like I'm, Ican help you like identify your
(35:57):
mission and all of that.
And there was something in myintuition that just said this
guy's gonna help me out.
And there was other coachesthat I was like yeah, they're
fine, they're, they're part,they're here to support.
But just I knew this guy couldlike help me out.
And my encouragement to you,corey, and to people listening,
is when you get, when yourintuition kind of like gets,
like is speaking to you,fricking, listen, so so so I was
(36:19):
like I'm going to find this guyand get a better primary
question because this is shitty.
And I found him and I said Ineed to talk to you.
My primary question is not good.
It's really not good.
And my new primary question isjust, is just as shit, help me
out.
And he took me out to the sideand he brought.
He started coaching me and hesaid he said he started coaching
(36:46):
me and we brought, we came to.
How can I appreciate all theease and calm I have in my life
right now?
And I was living in such a placeof angst that I that this was
such a, this was such a 180.
Like it was a total, it was a,it was.
It couldn't have been moreopposite to to the primary
question that I was.
And I just started crying.
And I hadn't for what I don'tknow.
Is it because I'd done a lot ofself-work on myself?
(37:07):
I hadn't really experienced thatmany tears throughout this
event, yet this was day three, Ithink, and I hadn't.
And I started crying.
I was like, oh fuck, this isgood, there's some truth to this
, this is good.
And I felt just more melting it, almost like you put a piece of
bacon in a pan.
You see the melt fat around it,the fat, the fat around it.
That's what I felt washappening.
It was like just crappinessmelt off me and I was like, oh,
(37:31):
this is good.
I knew I was supposed to findyou, this was so good, and I
just gave him a hug and I was sostoked and jazzed and I went in
and told Josh and I was sohappy.
So I came home with my newprimary question and I had so
much more ease and calm but Istarted my new question how can
(37:51):
I appreciate all the ease andcalm I have in my life right now
?
That's my new question.
So so think about what thatdoes to your nervous system.
How can I prove I am enough to?
How can I appreciate all thecalm and ease I have in my life
right now?
I was just chill.
I was chill, chill, chill.
It was fantastic.
But I started to let the houseget messy.
(38:12):
I started to allow my emailskind of get out of control, and
I don't like that.
I like when shit's in order,because it brings me more calm.
And Josh was like what theheck's going on?
And I just didn't really care.
I was just so at ease.
I was seeing all the calm andease all around me that I was
chill and I but, as the twoweeks almost going into the
(38:33):
second week and I was like Iactually started to become
anxious again.
I was like there was somethingmissed, there was something not
aligned.
I was like my environmentwasn't as together as I would
like it to be.
I was like, well, shit, there'ssomething wrong here.
So I spoke to Josh and this isthe benefit of putting yourself
around people that help you askbetter questions, because the
quality of your questionsdetermines the quality of your
(38:54):
life.
And he says what if you justswitched out?
Appreciate to create.
So I was like, ah shit, that isgood stuff.
So it was how can I?
So it went from?
How can I appreciate all theease and calm I have in my life?
How can I create even morecomedies in my life?
And now I'm ongoingly puttingmore systems in place to bring
myself even greater comed.
So it's more proactive and it'sbeautiful.
(39:17):
With the same result, right Withthe same result, if not better,
if not better, way better, way,way way better.
So so.
So my encouragement toeverybody is, is, is, is, is.
Choose a question that, firstly, that aligns with your values.
So, as you set your values, Iwant you to say, okay, is this?
(39:39):
So if I, if I'm putting warmthas my top value, and I'm what
does it by having this value inthis particular order on my list
, how where is this going tolead in my life?
And I want you to do that foreach value that you set.
So then, when you have yourvalues in the order that you
believe is most conducive to you, living in an aligned, joyful,
ease, flow, flow, flow, flowfilled life that is sets you up
(40:03):
to be able to do this primaryquestion, your primary question,
should align with those values.
Corey Berrier (40:08):
All right, let me ask you a quick question.
Laura Kelly (40:09):
Yes.
Corey Berrier (40:11):
Do you?
So I'm just going to observe.
I've observed what you saidPlease do.
So I think it was yourelinquished.
You've relinquished control ofthe outcomes of the emails and
the shit that stacks up that youhad such a tight grip on.
Laura Kelly (40:32):
Sure had such a tight grip on Sure.
Corey Berrier (40:34):
And now it feels like you've let go of that tight
grip and allowed other peoplehopefully systems and processes
to do some of these things,which is trust in not that you,
Laura, you don't have to do itall, but before, I think that
(40:55):
was the case, if I'm readingthis correctly.
Laura Kelly (40:56):
Yeah, for sure, I think.
I think what I would have kindof encouraged to like certainly
what I gave myself thepermission to do was I opened up
more a mental and emotionalbandwidth and, as a result, I
could think clearer and dobetter.
And if we're constantly, ifwe're asking ourselves a shitty
ass question all the time, we'reemotionally exhausting
ourselves and, as a result, wehave less capacity to contribute
(41:19):
, give nevermind to nevermind toothers, but even to ourselves.
So so, so, the, the, the.
If you take nothing away fromthis podcast episode, bar
identifying a new primaryquestion that facilitates your
(41:40):
nervous system living in aconducive environment, that
would be one of the biggestblessings you could give
yourself for the course of your2025.
My nervous system now lives ina much more conducive, calm
space and, as a result, I havemore capacity conducive calm
space and, as a result, I havemore capacity to give to me and,
as a result, give to others and, and in giving to me, I can
(42:00):
think about systems that createmore calmonies and give a person
the opportunity to help mebuild those systems that
facilitate more companies.
Corey Berrier (42:14):
But how do you recognize if you try to take
that control back?
Because it's ingrained in yourpsyche, because you've done this
for so long, and my guess is iteither has crept up since then
or it's going to creep up again.
So how do you mitigate that?
Laura Kelly (42:35):
Yeah, great question.
So you have to the, the, the wehave been asking, you've been
asking yourself your old primaryquestion for such a such a long
period of time.
It is very ingrained andthere's and it, when you ask
yourself that question now,consciously, it's still going to
create, it's going to certainlyyou'll feel it in your body and
I encourage you to payattention to it.
It will, it will create avisceral reaction, you will feel
(42:55):
the feelings and so there's ayeah, there's a lot of emotion
tied.
You now need to create similaremotion with your new primary
question.
So, so, so, how we did it atTony and how I ongoingly do it
now and I know how I encourageyou, corey and listeners is you,
(43:17):
you, you, you have to, you haveto embed it in your nervous
system and how you do that.
The night that we identified ournew primary question, we went
out for a walk and we, like, wewent out for a walk and we, like
, ingrained it in ourselves.
So like, as we walk, we'reasking ourselves how can I
create even more calm and easein my life right now?
(43:39):
How can I create even more calmand ease in my life right now?
And it's not enough to just saythe words is to feel the words.
So I could say so.
If I say how can I createenough calm and ease in my life
right now, that is not in linewith the terms in my new primary
question and it doesn't createa beautiful visceral response
for me.
But if I ask instead how can Icreate even how can I create
(43:59):
even more calm and ease in mylife right now?
Corey Berrier (44:03):
My nervous system just goes, and the movement is
also very important.
When you're asking that, yousaid you went for a walk.
I think that part yes.
Laura Kelly (44:12):
If I yeah, that part.
Yeah, Getting into your body isimportant.
That's right.
Yeah, Getting into your body issuper important.
So my encouragement to you isyou have to ingrain this new
primary question.
How you ingrain it is askyourself it, but ask yourself it
in a way that makes you feel adifferent way.
And and walking, when you getinto your body, you're engaging
(44:46):
where energy goes, like motioncreates emotion, which therefore
creates more access for abetter question to be embedded
and it makes it easier todisassociate yourself from that
old primary question.
So it is a practice.
It's something you have toongoingly ask yourself, but now
(45:09):
you can consciously, when youfeel yourself in angst or stress
, you can consciously justreaffirm your new primary
question and watch your nervoussystem step into a whole
different way of operating.
But yes, now if I experiencestress or tension, I'll just get
up and go for a walk and askmyself my new primary question
(45:31):
as I walk and I will arrive backto my house after just one lap,
a totally different individual.
It is the most, is one of themost profound exercises I've
ever gifted a person and I'veever been gifted.
I, I, I.
I plan to text you later today,Corey, to find out what yours
is, but I would love to, I wouldeven be curious to ask you now
(45:54):
like what do you think yourscurrently is?
And did like a question, and itdoesn't have to be perfect, but
what do you, even if you get inthe ballpark of what it could
be, that creates a level ofconsciousness that brings you so
much more control over yourpsychology?
Corey Berrier (46:15):
I think it's similar.
How could I, you know, howcould I have done this thing
better?
How could I have had thisconversation differently?
How could I have created abetter outcome, almost saying
like what did you?
What could I have done?
Well, really, what could I havedone better?
Laura Kelly (46:33):
Okay, I think that's more male focus, because
Josh's was that and I'llenlighten you and your audience
with like a male version as wellLike Josh's was how can I be
better, so everything.
So his worth, his self-worthwas tied to everything.
(46:53):
His worth, his self-worth wastied to everything which makes
you on the line in almost everyyou know endeavor.
So his was how can I be better?
So that is also affirming thatyou are not enough and if you're
(47:16):
living back to a concept Ithink I've thought on this
podcast before you're thereforeliving in the gap, not the gain.
You're acknowledging all theshit you could be doing better
versus all the things that youdid well, and from that place,
you're going to continually livein that gap and from that gap
you can't give to yourself,never mind others, not as much
so at least.
So josh's new primary questionI'll actually read it out to you
(47:38):
because I have his new posterhere is his was how can I learn,
grow, appreciate and be presenteven more?
It's changed.
My husband, like he, he wouldsometimes be in a conversation
with me where I just want to beheard and he tries to.
He doesn't see it as anythingwrong with me.
He sees it as shit, perhaps I'mnot doing enough, how can I be
(48:00):
better?
And he goes into perhapsself-critical mode and he tries
to coach me up.
And I just don't want him tocoach me up at all, I just want
him to listen.
And now he just, he can just be.
But he's also facilitating hispsychology to have much more
space to really hear.
And when we can really hear,that's when we can really
(48:22):
contribute and we're notoperating from our ego, from the
places that we all feel lessthan we're operating from
fullness, and from there we cancontribute even more and from
there we can contribute evenmore.
Corey Berrier (48:32):
It's interesting because I will often ask Maddie,
is this a conversation that Ijust need to listen, or are you
looking for me to respond?
And it's very clear, right?
She'll just say like, yeah,this is the time you need to
listen.
Well, guess what?
I don't need to ask you morequestions.
Laura Kelly (49:02):
Yeah, for sure, for sure, and and and, um, if
you're, if, yeah, if you, if you, if you ask yourself a question
that um allows you to, allowsyou to just have more access to
your um, whole brain, um, um,because it's, it's grounded more
in, like, your essence, like,how can I learn, grow,
appreciate and be present evenmore?
(49:22):
If you can appreciate somethingabout a moment and you can
speak good into it, it allowsyou contribute to that thing
even more.
Versus come to a place, come toa place, a thing or a moment,
with a desire to make it better,but but, but in order for a
thing to be better.
That whole question wasgrounded in criticism, which
(49:45):
isn't the, you know, the nicestplace to start any conversation
with another, but also yourself,with another, but also yourself
.
So this takes me to my lastpoint.
If you're facilitating, so, so,so, so, just to prepare,
(50:07):
prepare you for your, for yourhomework later, what do you
think your new primary questioncould be?
Cory, I'm not sure.
Okay.
Corey Berrier (50:14):
What do you think your new primary question could
be, Corey?
Laura Kelly (50:17):
I'm not sure.
Okay, I'd love you to give it,I'd love you to give it, I'd
love you to give a thought.
But let me ask you this If youwere sure, what?
Corey Berrier (50:26):
would it be?
I think it'd be the opposite ofwhat could I do better in
recognizing what I am doing well, which is very challenging for
me?
Laura Kelly (50:42):
So if you were to know and verbalize what your new
primary question was, whatwould it be?
Corey Berrier (50:49):
What did you do right in that situation?
What decision did you make?
That was a positive decision.
Laura Kelly (51:02):
So, as you decide what your new primary question
is going to be, I wouldencourage you to ask yourself
how does that align with yourvalues and how will it shape the
trajectory of your year, yourweek, your quarter, your day?
And from that place, I wouldlove you to text me later as to
(51:23):
what your primary question isand I'd love you to consciously
decide to embed that into yourpsychology and do away with like
, like I've seen, like how can Ibe better is actually not the
worst primary question.
How can I prove I'm enough isway worse.
But but the the, the thechallenge with it is it comes.
(51:46):
The fuel is not as healthy as itcould be.
The fuel comes from not enough,which you could.
If you're, if you have a fuelthat is more beautiful and and
and vibrant and alive, like,appreciating and coming from
that place, and that there's a,there's a nicer fuel, and, as a
result, your life fuel, as Tonywould call it is, is just a more
(52:07):
enjoyable one, because you'renot operating from a place of
lack, you're operating from aplace of full, and from fullness
there's more to give toyourself and to others.
Does that make sense?
Corey Berrier (52:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does make sense, yeah, it
does make sense.
Laura Kelly (52:22):
It sounds like you're pondering.
What are you pondering?
Corey Berrier (52:24):
Well, I think you know it still comes back to.
Well, if I was, it kind ofcomes back to what you were
saying.
You know, if I felt like I didenough in xyz situation, I
wouldn't look at how could Ihave done it better if, if you
say that to me once more sosimilar to what you were saying
when you said well, I'm how, youknow, how can I be enough?
(52:48):
well, it's a similar question tohow could I have done better.
It's really kind of falls inthat same question to how could
I have done better.
It's really kind of falls inthat same bucket.
And if I could recognize well,I did do enough in this
situation, I did put my bestfoot forward and I didn't leave
anything on the.
You know, I didn't leave.
I left it all on the field, soto speak.
Um, and I just don't look at itthat way.
(53:08):
I look at it like, well, whatcould I have done better?
And so I don't look at it likeI left everything on the field,
even Even if I did leaveeverything on the field.
I don't view it that way.
Laura Kelly (53:18):
Now you know one word that could change the whole
, that could change thetrajectory of that question.
Even how could I have done evenbetter?
Because you do want to buildinto your primary question a
presupposition that you'realready doing the thing.
So how can I do even better?
Predisposes you've what you'realready doing very good, you
just want to do even better.
Corey Berrier (53:39):
Yes, yeah, a hundred percent makes,
completely makes sense.
Laura Kelly (53:42):
So so that he speaks about a lot is you want
to build a pre, a presuppositionthat that that thing already
exists.
So in the case of mine, how canI create even more companies in
my life right now?
How can I learn, grow,appreciate and be present even
more is what josh's is.
So in your case, I would inlike josh's was yours, how can I
(54:04):
be better?
So you could either just borrowjosh's, but as a, as a starting
frame, and then refine it overtime, like what I did, or or you
could even just change that oneword how can I be even better?
Because you're presupposing thatyou're already better, you're
already good, you could just beeven better.
And from that place, like ifyou say that to yourself, when
(54:28):
you say to yourself and you cango ahead and experience it now,
if you say to yourself how can Ibe better, how does that make
you feel internally?
And then ask yourself how can Ibe even better?
How does that make you feelinternally?
Does your nervous system?
How are you respondinginternally?
Can you feel it?
Corey Berrier (54:46):
Yeah, because the even better helps me to
recognize that.
Yeah, that I'm already doingwell.
Laura Kelly (54:53):
For sure.
Corey Berrier (54:54):
For sure, for sure.
Laura Kelly (54:55):
It facilitates that highway to happiness.
It facilitates thoseopportunities for you to be
grateful to you for the thingsthat you're already doing.
You know, and like, for anexample, like if I were to put
myself in your shoes and I wouldask myself how can I be better?
Or I could ask myself how can Ibe better?
(55:15):
Or I could ask myself, howcould I be even better.
I'm now acknowledging okay,shit, I work for an awesome
company who hire who's,delivering fucking tremendous
service and helping solve thisrecruiting retention issue of
our industry.
I am with a phenomenal woman.
Life's pretty good.
How can I make it even better?
Though?
That's a pretty cool spot tooperate from, yeah, so, so.
(55:39):
So you're operating fromfullness and you're, you're,
you're just now.
You just want even more joy,even more abundance, even more
beauty, you know, even morefullness.
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's,and and the.
You know, even more fullness,it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
and, and.
You know, the crazy part isit's true, and all we've changed
is one word of our question butit's, but it's, but it.
(56:02):
It absolutely flip-flops forthe better.
Corey Berrier (56:07):
Our reality yeah, I like it.
I am certainly going to give itsome more thought, for sure,
but I agree with you Changingjust that one word.
It does change how it lands andhow it feels and it gives
credit.
It lends credit to the inwhatever situation we're talking
(56:33):
about.
It lends credit to the successthat's already there, opposed to
taking away from the successthat's already there 100%, 100%.
Laura Kelly (56:48):
And back to if you consistently acknowledge the
good you are doing, you're goingto find way more good.
Yeah, You're choosing to payattention to all that is good,
and all that is good willcompound and you'll get more of
it.
You get what you pay attentionto.
It's why you hear people saythe law of attraction.
Really, what that is is you'rejust choosing what to focus on,
(57:09):
and what you focus on grows.
Corey Berrier (57:11):
That's right, 100%, all right.
I know know we're getting closeon time.
Laura Kelly (57:15):
go ahead yes, we're getting close on time, so I
would, I would encourage you I'mgoing to end with this create,
make it, make, make happinessand joy easy to attain and then
allow your goals challenge you.
You want your goals to not be.
You want your goals to to notjust good or they logically they
logically make sense.
You want to viscerally feelthem so that you can look, look
(57:39):
toward your 2025 with like vigor, like you're stoked to go about
this thing, not because itsounds good or my ego would like
to achieve this thing.
The phrase I like to use is ifyou're, if you're in your head,
you're dead.
Allow your heart to help shapethe course of your goals for
2025, because the more you feela thing, the more you're going
(58:02):
to feel pulled toward it, notpushed toward it, like, instead
of feeling like you're pushing arock up a hill, you want that
rock to be behind you, pushingyou down the hill because you
got so much bloody momentum yeahand if you, if you have a goal
that is pulling you, not pushingyou, because you that goal is
coming from your heart, not yourhead, it will pull you and
(58:23):
you'll feel compelled and that'sa much more sustainable fuel to
freaking, dominate your 2025and your goals.
your goals should scare you alittle.
They should be big, but theyshould come from your heart, not
from your thinking brain, andfrom that place you will go
(58:49):
about the accomplishment and goabout attaining those goals with
true joy and inspiration.
Corey Berrier (58:55):
Not just something that your ego thinks
sounds good, that was perfect.
Yeah, I got a lot out of thatGood, a lot.
Yeah, that was wonderful, good,good.
Laura, where can people findyou?
Laura Kelly (59:05):
Yeah, so Grow With Clover is where I tend to spend
most of my time.
I'll be at different speakingevents and industry events this
year.
I look forward to hanging outof my time.
I'll be at different speakingevents and industry events this
year.
I look forward to hanging outwith my industry people.
But, yeah, find us at Grow withClover.
My email is laura atgrowwithclovercom.
I can give out my cell.
I like to be, I like to be hitup and contribute in ways that
(59:29):
allow other people to evolve andimprove, allow other people to
evolve and improve, and my mycell is 702-487-1979.
I welcome hearing from you.
I mightn't get back that in thefirst 24 hours, but I'll get to
you.
I care about contributing.
I care about helping everyonelive a more fulfilling,
joy-filled life.
Life is too short.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, sotoday would be a good day to
(59:51):
start living from your heart, togive yourself that 15 minute
gift and write down the thingsthat genuinely make you feel
alive and excite you and enthuseyou, so that you can go about
2025 with like a healthy,exciting fuel, versus a fuel
that is filled with force.
So I wish anyone listening thebest year, if I can be of
(01:00:14):
service to you in this year.
By all means, reach out,whether you're a client or
whether you're not.
I'm here to serve, I'm here tocontribute and I'm here to bring
more joy.
And thank you, guys for tuningin Corey, thank you for
facilitating a platform of just,you know, sheer, give back, you
know, and to and to and to whohire, for giving you the, the,
the, you know, the space, thespace in your day to make this
(01:00:39):
impact that you're making onthis platform.
So, yeah, thank you so much forfor having me and here's to a
really, really good 365 days 360something.
Corey Berrier (01:00:48):
Thank you, laura, I appreciate you.
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier,and I'm here with the one and
only Laura Kelly.
Laura Kelly (00:07):
Hey, Laura to bring everything that, uh, I
inherited and learned and, Ithink, conducively endured over
(00:28):
the course of 2024, and bringthat, uh, bring that insight,
that, that knowledge, thatwisdom to your audience today
and and share what, as as we inclover there, we've been very
lucky to speak with likehundreds and hundreds of
businesses, and there's thiscommon pattern that I see
(00:49):
everywhere and I have seeneverywhere for most of my career
, that 80 of success ispsychology and and 20 is the
mechanics.
Like 20 of skill, 80 is reallyhow is our psychology is how we,
how we behave, how we interactwith the world, our beliefs, our
values and how we speak toourselves.
So today I would be stoked toshare with you the three
(01:16):
variables that are veryomnipresent amid high performers
and how they set themselves upfor more success around,
predominantly around how theythink.
And what was interesting is Iam I.
My undergrad is psychology, myundergrad was psychology, so
(01:37):
that's kind of where my, my, myjourney all started and into
really understanding humans andI.
I read a book from Tony Robbinsand since that day I was hooked
on him.
I was like this guy is just africking genius.
So I've always had a desire tospend more time with him and
Josh, two Christmases ago,purchased a ticket for me to
(01:59):
spend six days with him and theywere like 16 to 18 hour days,
hour days, and gosh Corey, whatI discovered about myself was so
profound and I was justsurrounded by such incredible
humans and it just, it justsolidified the patterns I've
seen in humans for just so longnow, and I'm excited to share
some of those things.
So the the one of the thingsthat sticks out for for me is a
(02:26):
phrase that he says.
He says most people have ahighway to unhappiness and a
dirt road to happiness, and thegoal is to really switch that
around.
So how can we have a high roadto happiness and make it quite
difficult for ourselves toexperience unhappiness,
happiness and make it quitedifficult for ourselves to
(02:48):
experience unhappiness?
And so how that kind ofconversation transformed with
Tony was he had me look at myvalues and he suggests that we
all make our values so conduciveto us experiencing happiness.
And then we make our goals, thethings that are hard and that
(03:10):
push us and that stretch us andthat inspire us, but our values
are things that are achievable.
So I encourage you, know you,even here today.
So I encourage you know you,even here today, corey, to ask
yourself.
We've all heard the word, we'veall heard the term values, but
(03:31):
many people, many people don'tintentionally set their values.
Their values are set for themby just exposure to life.
And if we really assess, notwhat we would desire our values
to be, but what they actuallyare like, whether we like that
or not, what are they really?
So my encouragement to you,even here, corey, if you're
(03:52):
comfortable to do this, is likewhat are?
Are you comfortable with uskind of going back and forth on
this A hundred percent.
What are your?
What are your top five currentvalues?
Do you believe Not what you'dlike them to be?
What are they actually?
Corey Berrier (04:08):
The first one is, for sure, honesty.
Okay, I believe, yeah, Ibelieve that honesty it really
starts with honesty.
The second one would bevulnerability.
Laura Kelly (04:20):
Okay.
Corey Berrier (04:21):
The third one would be I think I don't know if
genuineness would fall in thosetwo categories, but I believe
that could be a third one.
The the.
Laura Kelly (04:33):
The thing with values is it doesn't have to if,
if a val, if so, if a word, itcauses an emotional response to
you and it moves you in.
Either it moves you in adirection, whether it's
conducive or not, because rightnow we're not necessarily
intentionally setting values.
We're becoming aware of whatthe one, what are the ones that
are currently driving us.
It doesn't matter like, itdoesn't matter what term you
(04:57):
give that like for me, like likesuccess could create an
emotional, visceral response forone individual and fulfillment
could cause.
It could mean this.
I think I know you well enoughnow to know that there's enough
(05:28):
vigor around, like yourwillingness and desire to know
yourself, that you've probablyquite a solid idea as to what
drives you.
So so, so honesty,vulnerability, you said
genuineness, what are your, whatare the, what are the other two
?
Corey Berrier (05:42):
I would say learn , uh say learning has become
pretty valuable.
And success in two differentways right.
There's, you know, obviouslythere's a financial success.
There's success knowing thatyou're making a change.
Laura Kelly (05:56):
Yeah.
Corey Berrier (05:57):
Then there's a success in my relationship with
Maddie, as an example, For sure.
So I know that was a little bitmore than what you asked, but I
have to break it down like thatno, it's, it's great.
Laura Kelly (06:08):
It's great because it's because I.
Success means different thingsto success means different
things to different people, andone person's definition of
success does not necessarilyhave to be yours mine.
I certainly, certainly, youknow I would encourage anyone
away from that reality.
Success is what you believesuccess to be.
(06:30):
So I ask you that question fora few reasons.
A lot of people have values.
Some are more intentional aboutselling, selling them and
others are not.
It sounds like it sounds likeyours are, you know, relatively
conducive.
The interesting thing Idiscovered at Tony was that we
have values, that we have valuesthat we either intentionally
set or are set for us.
But my next question to you,corey, would be what rules do
(06:53):
you associate with each value?
So what a lot of people do isthey say, ok, my top highest
value might be six.
So for me, my values were notas actually actually conducive
at all, they were successachievement.
It was shit that it was.
So he encouraged you to look atyour values and then say, okay,
based on these top five values,do you think you're on a track
(07:17):
to greater success or greatersuffering?
And I was totally on a track togreater suffering.
In what?
Corey Berrier (07:21):
way.
Laura Kelly (07:23):
So it's a great question and it brings me to the
, to the point on rules.
I, I, achievement and successwere like.
I wish I had my book now torefer back.
We're like right up there atthe top, but then I had rules.
So everyone has a rule, hasrules associated with their
values, meaning what would haveto happen in order for me to
(07:44):
feel success?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel success?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel achievement
?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel love?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel growth?
What would have to happen inorder for me to feel x and, for
the most part, um.
Our rules make the achievementof what we believe is our
highest values very difficult toachieve.
(08:05):
So for me, oh, it was so muchwild shit, like excuse my
language, but it was like.
It was like so wild that it waslike that that I was going to
end.
No wonder I had a dirt roadthat made me fall easier into
not feeling so great aboutmyself, into a highway, into not
feeling so great about myself.
I made it.
The rules I had associated withmy values were so wildly
(08:26):
unattainable and harsh andshitty and not actually aligned
with my essence, so I was ableto shift mine to mine was.
Mine now is like warmth,calmness, warmth, calmness,
cheerfulness, growth.
I have them all wrote out.
I'm actually getting my boardprinted Worth calmness,
cheerfulness, growth, and how myrules associated with each are
(08:51):
like incredibly attainable.
So now I have this blueprintfor experiencing joy on an
ongoing basis.
So my encouragement to everybodylistening, and my encouragement
to you, Corey, would be to lookat your values and say, OK, are
these values conducive to meliving a path of joy and
fulfillment?
Because, remember, our valuesare intended to bring us closer
(09:13):
to joy, to allow us and notnecessarily to challenge us to
just bring us closer to ouressence and to joy and to
fulfillment.
Our goals are there to push usand challenge us and to
facilitate us growing.
But then I would ask you to goa step deeper.
What are the rules you haveassociated with each?
So, what are the rules you haveassociated with honesty?
What are the rules you haveassociated with vulnerability?
(09:34):
What are the rules you'veassociated with generosity?
And I would.
Corey Berrier (09:40):
That's a good one , so I think it's expectation
actually yes, I think part ofthat is that I and I know I
can't place expectations onother people because I'm likely
going to get let down, but, asyou said that, I realized that's
also what I expect of otherpeople 100%.
Laura Kelly (09:59):
We typically project our desires onto others
and, as a result, measure themas to whether they are
fulfilling a satisfactorymeasurement in our eyes, and
that allows us fall into eitherjudgment, dissatisfaction or
appreciation.
And if you're consistentlyliving in dissatisfaction and
(10:21):
not enoughness, either foryourself or your loved one or
others, it's going to be verydifficult to have one of your
core human needs met, which isconnection.
So so, yeah, so.
So my encouragement tolisteners and to you, corey,
would be to dig into what wouldhave to happen in order for you
to feel honesty.
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
(10:42):
vulnerability?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
genuineness?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
vulnerability?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel
genuineness?
What would have to happen inorder for you to feel learning?
What would have to happen?
So, for instance, if we tooklearning and values are the
thing that attributes to usfeeling successful and happy and
joy and fulfilled, if ithypothetically was, I only
experience learning if I read achapter a day, or 20 pages a day
(11:05):
and say, for instance, you missa day because life happens.
Now your criteria forfulfillment is not checked, so
therefore you're less fulfilledbecause in your head, you don't
hit your criteria of that value.
So commonly, the values that wewant to adhere to or live by
(11:27):
might be good.
They either could be good orinconduitive, unconducive and
and and chances are, even ifthey're good.
Like somebody I've coachedrecently, one of their highest
values was love and the own.
One of their rules for feelingloved was was if they had to
have sex every day to feel loved.
Corey Berrier (11:48):
Wow.
Laura Kelly (11:49):
And if they didn't have sex every day, they didn't
feel loved and in that momentthey were like what the frick?
That is so much pressure I'mputting upon my relationship and
, like you know, life happens.
I travel, they travel, that's alot, travel, that's a lot.
And this person had like such awake up and realized that that
(12:11):
is a like, that is not a rule Ican associate with love,
especially if it's my highestvalue and it was.
It was just an unawareness andso many of us have rules
associated with our values thatmake it so difficult for us to
achieve true fulfillment and joy.
It it is okay and this is it isokay to have a goal that would
say I would like this.
This is just hypotheticalattributing to this guy I
(12:33):
coached.
It would be okay for him tohave a goal to say I would like
to be in a relationship that Ifelt, that I had.
That my level of like, physicalintimacy I would rate on a
scale of eight to 10 or whatever.
So there is a metric associatedwith that goal and that was a
goal different, because then itforces perhaps conversation with
his spouse and all of that andit facilitates a growth
(12:54):
opportunity.
But if it's the, if it's avariable associated with his
highest value, and whether ornot he feels fulfillment, joy or
love.
It's a very big problem.
So my encouragement to everybodylistening is know what your
values are, and that is a verythat is a popular suggestion on
(13:15):
the path of personal development.
But what isn't so popular iswhat are the rules you have
associated with that value?
Are you really setting yourselfup to feel true joy?
If love is what's mostimportant to you, if success is
what's most important to you, ifcontribution is what's most
important to you, what are therules associated with that?
So like say, for instance, ifcontribution was most important
to you, you can contribute in.
(13:38):
I'm actually going to pull upmy board here so I can like how
you can make the achievement ofthese things far easier.
So I'm going to pull up one ofmy values here Warmth is my top
value.
Right, anytime I act loving orhave love in my heart or have
(13:58):
loving energy, I fulfill my topvalue.
How freaking easy that's goingto happen.
That is definitely going tohappen.
Calm, anytime I affirm my newprimary question or take a
breath, like I have so muchcontrol over that.
It's so attainable.
Health, health and vitality ismy third Anytime I treat my body
with love or respect, oranytime I exercise, or anytime I
(14:18):
push my body to expand itspresent limits.
Four cheerfulness, fun,laughter, anytime I make myself
laugh or choose to engage in asource of laughter, or anytime I
have a smile on my, a smile onmy heart, or anytime I do
something playful all sofricking, achievable.
And values and rules are thepaths to fulfillment.
Goals are great, they, they,they inspire us, they force us
(14:39):
to grow.
They're very fricking,important, but they, they, they,
they.
A goal doesn't define who weare.
It expands who we are.
Our values and the rulesassociated with our values allow
us to be in our true essence.
So when I described what thosevalues were, what I was
(15:01):
describing was the rules I nowhave associated with those
values, not what I previouslyhad associated with those values
.
Corey Berrier (15:08):
What were the values going into this?
Laura Kelly (15:10):
Oh, good, good, I know what they are, but I wish I
had the rules.
I wish I had my book.
I actually took it to Irelandwith me and I left it in the
backseat of my sister's car.
But I, they, they, they.
My old values were success.
My old values were achievement,and the shit that I had to
accomplish to in order toachieve those, in order to feel
those, oh my gosh, were so mean,they were so mean, they were so
(15:31):
harsh.
No wonder I was constantlyberating myself and bouncing
between anxiety and depression.
I, like it's like thisacknowledgement was just like oh
, just joy, just peace.
Just, you know, those weightedvests that people wear to to get
their cardio up is like I, it'slike I took one of those off
(15:53):
and this was not just me, it was, it was three and a half
thousand other people that werein the room with me.
This exercise was so frickingprofound and I just wish it for
everybody.
I want you to intentionally lookat your values and be, but way
beyond that is the rulesassociated with those values.
There's for me, I have eight,and tony does encourage you to
have eight, but the top three tofive really, really drive your
(16:15):
life and and that would be my,you know encouragement to you,
cory, after this podcast, and toany of your listeners make
happiness, so freaking,achievable, and the greater joy
you experience on a day-to-daybasis, the greater success
you're going to be able toattract and bring into your life
and your existence existence.
So make joy achievable.
(16:35):
How you do that is values andrules associated.
Corey Berrier (16:38):
that is how you you bring more joy into your
life let me ask you this reallyquick yes, yeah, all right so
let's get back to the guy thatyou coached and you said I want
to.
I think you said he wanted tobe intimate each day with his
partner.
Laura Kelly (16:53):
Yes, that was how that was he.
Unless he got that, he didn'tfeel loved.
Corey Berrier (16:58):
Yeah, but is that a physical intimacy?
Because you know there's, youknow I understand that the
physical part is important, butI also now understand that it's
also just as important just tobe with the person, regardless
if you're intimate or not, butin a very present way.
Laura Kelly (17:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So my thought here and myhallucination is that you have
that awareness he had, that heintellectually knew that to be
true and would probably speakthat out, but he never, until he
(17:43):
tapped into his likeunconscious way of operating,
realized that that was a like.
Many, many people could choosea rule that they believe they
could choose a value and choosea desire for their life that
they believe will bring themgreater joy.
But unless we choose a rulethat facilitates joy being
(18:07):
achieved with greater likefrequency, it's going to be very
difficult for us to experiencetrue prosperity.
So he now reassessed, and, yes,what he truly wants is
connection.
For sure, that's what he's,that's what he's absolutely
seeking, that's what most of ushumans are seeking, that is what
he, that is what he wants, andthere's so many ways of
achieving that.
And now his now.
(18:29):
Anytime he experiences warmthin his heart when he sees, looks
, feels, talks to his spouse, hehas achieved one of his primary
needs, one of his primaryvalues.
He was he.
He he's now just giving himselfthe permission to feel the love
that was always there.
But prior he put this parameteron it that if he didn't, if the
(18:51):
X didn't happen, he wasn'tgoing to allow himself to
experience true quotation markslove.
Corey Berrier (19:00):
It's interesting because you know, as you know,
I'm in recovery and the oppositeof addiction is connection.
For sure, I mean recovery andthe opposite of addiction is
connection.
Laura Kelly (19:08):
Sure.
Corey Berrier (19:09):
Because when you're in addiction or when
you're in, you know, a depressedstate of mind or anxiety or
whatever those things, there's away to it's a way it fulfills
(19:33):
that part in your soul that youare yearning for with that
addiction or that depression orwhatever it may be.
Laura Kelly (19:41):
A hundred percent.
We, as humans, need love.
We need connection.
It makes us feel alive.
It's one of the biggestattributes to long-term health.
We need connection.
It makes us feel alive.
It's one of the biggestattributes to long-term health.
A hundred percent.
And for the most part, when weengage in unconducive behaviors,
it is because we are lacking asense of love and connection and
we're trying to fill that voidand we can fill that and with
(20:05):
that awareness we can thencreate.
We're aware that perhaps a highvalue, a high conducive value,
would be love and connection andwhat would be some attainable
rules I could associate withthat value so I could experience
that on an ongoing basis andnot just experience it,
acknowledge it and count it ascount it.
Count it.
(20:29):
You know, you can.
You can be experiencing love.
You can be experiencing loveall the time.
But unless it's acknowledged,it's like a wasted opportunity
for you to live into thatemotion and live into that
feeling.
Corey Berrier (20:35):
So when you say, when you say acknowledge, is
that acknowledge for yourself oralso acknowledged from the
other person?
Laura Kelly (20:46):
what do mean?
Corey Berrier (20:47):
So you said when you acknowledge that love I
can't remember exactly how yousaid it, but when you
acknowledge that, I wasn't sureif you meant.
I guess it'd be validation ifyou were looking for that
acknowledgement from anotherperson, from another person.
Laura Kelly (21:07):
Yeah, yeah, and I would be cautious to associate a
rule that has to be that canonly be achieved or experienced
if an external force that youdon't have control over delivers
.
Corey Berrier (21:22):
Right.
Laura Kelly (21:24):
Like, the rules have to be self-attainable.
Yes, we can't control another,and if we seek to control
another, what we're really doingis creating distance between
others, between ourselves andothers, and and and uh, one of
the quickest ways to facilitatedistance in between a masculine
and a feminine is criticism.
So the the my encouragement toyou as you develop these and map
(21:48):
these all out the rules have tobe one that you can either
self-observe, self-attain,self-perceive.
Things that are within our owncontrol To feel.
Do, say, be experience, notdetermined upon another person
acting a certain way or theworld bringing a thing to you in
(22:10):
a certain way.
All of those things are outsideof our control.
What we have control over isour internal experience, our
perception and, like I mentionedat the start, 80% of our
success.
And success means a differentthing to different people.
I think a broader term thatencompasses more.
People's definition of successis like true fulfillment, like
(22:31):
waking up every day and trulyhaving, like true appreciation
for the day to come.
That would be far easierattained if your rules are ones
that you can influence.
If your rules are ones that youcan influence.
Corey Berrier (22:47):
You feel like you can't.
So, as you know, and I send youmy gratitude list.
Part of the reason that I dothat is because it some days
it's it's a bit of a hack for me, because oh it's for sure it is
.
It's not like I wake up everyday with gratitude.
Some days I don't, but thatforces me to look at the things
(23:11):
that I'm grateful for.
Laura Kelly (23:13):
Such a good, good, good point, 100%.
And it's back to the phrasethat the reason most people have
a highway to unhappiness is ourbrains are wired to protect us.
Yeah, so so we're, so we're, sowe're.
We're wired in a way toacknowledge shit that puts us in
(23:36):
danger, either real or imagined.
So, therefore, what we arewired to pay attention to, we
see more of.
So what we're wired toacknowledge, and what we
acknowledge, the things that weacknowledge the most, causes us
to focus more on those, you know, more difficult scenarios of
our life, and where focus goes,energy flows, and what you focus
(24:00):
on, you get more of.
So it's so easy.
So the first thing when,typically when we wake up in the
morning, very commonly, is likeshit, I really want to stay in
bed, it's so comfortable, Idon't really want to get up,
it's cold, I don't want to getup.
So the first thoughts, or allof the things that we have to
tackle that day, so the firstthoughts are overwhelm, delay,
(24:22):
procrastination, none of whichfill us with vigor to go about a
day of accomplishment and joy.
So you can be a victim to thosethings and be and react based
on those stimuli, which are justour freaking thoughts, or we
(24:44):
can engage in an exercise thatrefocuses us to something that
is conducive and how we start,how we start our day and what we
what you choose to payattention to you'll start to see
more of.
And what Corey does everymorning is he writes down the
thing he's grateful for and hesends them to people, so he's
you're not just spreadinggratitude, you're giving
yourself the opportunity.
(25:04):
Like a lot of people writebooks, because it's not
necessarily for their audience,it's for them.
A lot of people have podcasts.
It's not necessarily for theiraudience, it's a great byproduct
, but it helps them.
The same thing with yourgratitude list, like, you are
giving yourself the opportunityevery day to pay attention to
the things in your life that arebeautiful and, as a result,
you're going to see more of themthroughout the day and, as a
(25:33):
result, you're giving yourselfthe opportunity to have a, to
have an easier time having ahighway to happiness.
So my so, so since I left Tony,I have been there's an exercise
, I've been sending a whole loadof people and I just get a kick
out of saying I want you tolisten to this video, take 15
minutes and text me what youfeel afterwards, and I have
people texting me saying I'mcrying.
I have never fear, experiencedso much joy, all these things,
and all it is is an exercisewhere Tony takes you through it,
(25:54):
and it's, it's, it's.
You spend three minutes ingratitude, you spend three
minutes in pride, you spendthree minutes in priming.
It is priming yeah, we shouldlink it.
I can link it in your shownotes, it's called.
Corey Berrier (26:06):
Oh, I listened to it for years.
I mean like years, it's awesomeisn't it?
Laura Kelly (26:10):
And that's all you're doing, that's all he's
doing, and I encourage everybodylistening have some sort of a
practice that overrides one'stendency to focus on what we
have to do versus what we get todo, the obligations of life
versus the blessings of life,the the to-do list versus the I
(26:35):
get to list the pains in theasses of people that we perhaps
have to speak to that day.
But we could do, we can.
But if you acknowledge all thethings that are truly beautiful,
or put or do a thing that youjust know guarantees a more
beautiful state for yourself,everything about your day, your
hours, your tasks, your freakingduties of the day will be more
(26:57):
joyful.
I can promise you and Iencourage you to take, give
yourself that gift of.
If you don't, if you can't take10 minutes for yourself every
day, like you don't have a life.
Like 10 minutes to giveyourself a greater hour, a
greater two hours, a greaterweek, month, quarter, year, it's
, it's, it's one of the mostlike people say when the morning
, when the day, you just have tofricking, take 10 minutes.
(27:20):
It doesn't have to be thisprofound two hour routine.
Corey Berrier (27:23):
That's right.
So the other, the other thingthat I found with the priming
exercise is it shows you, youget to live an example of how
powerful your mind is.
I'll tell you a quick story.
So I hurt my back years agodoing something in the gym and
(27:44):
forever it bothered me andbothered me.
Something in the gym, andforever it bothered me and
bothered me.
I started doing the primingexercise.
I didn't have because when hesays, you know, focus on your
body and where you're havingpain and focus on that area, or
something along those lines.
I didn't have pain in my backfor years.
Recently it started back up.
But I also haven't been doingthat exercise for the last
(28:07):
couple of years.
But I'm telling you, as God ismy witness, my back got better,
my back healed because of thatand people probably think I'm
nuts when I say this but yourmind, people can think.
Laura Kelly (28:22):
People can think, you know, I'm at a place where
people can think I'm as nuts asthey'd like, but I, I, if, if my
psychology is is is shooting onall cylinders and I'm
experiencing joy and fulfillment.
I couldn't give a hoot whatanyone thinks.
If I'm being, if I'mexperiencing joy and fulfillment
while being a good human, Icouldn't give a hoot what anyone
thinks.
And it's a liberating place tooperate from.
Sorry, go ahead.
Corey Berrier (28:41):
Yeah, no, that.
It's interesting that you saythat, because I think the last
time we talked, you said youknow what?
I think you asked me well, whatmakes it?
We talked about this.
We talked about, like you know,it's not my responsibility what
you think about me or anybodyelse thinks about me.
It's just not my business.
And and I and I think you askedme, well, how did I get to that
(29:03):
place?
And I'm not sure exactly how Igot to that place, other than I
just I can't control whatanybody thinks about me and it's
really none of my business forsure.
Laura Kelly (29:14):
100, 100, the, the, the.
I love, I love that there'ssuch that video.
That video is tapping into awhole host of like practices,
all in the all, jammered into 10minutes.
I really encourage it.
Put it.
I I'm sure cory will pop it inthe show notesmered into 10
minutes.
I really encourage it.
Put it.
I I'm sure Corey will pop it inthe show notes, but I encourage
you guys to listen to it.
It's a, it's a, it's, it's bomb.
It's truly awesome.
(29:34):
And and I have to be honest, Idon't give myself that gift
every every day either.
I do, but I always do it insome way.
The video is phenomenal and Ishould probably do it every day
and I shouldn't have an excuse.
But I definitely don't start myday without experiencing joy or
gratitude in some way, and forme I get it in different ways.
Like I, I just love, love, love.
(29:54):
Sitting down with my either kideither side of me and having my
coffee in the morning, and likejournaling or like perhaps
writing my gratitude list.
I like to have an element offlexibility in how I achieve
that, but I will never start myday without first centering
myself in a conducive emotion.
My whole, everyone I interactwith is better because of it.
(30:18):
So, so, so the next thing I I'dlike to bring to you, corey and
I think this is somethingperhaps you haven't been exposed
to because I have thrown myselfinto, like I've done my
undergrad, I've done my master's, I've read books and books and
I've never come across what I'mabout to share with you now, and
it's called my primary question.
This is something we unlocked,josh and I, at Tony he, he a
(30:50):
primary question.
It's a question that yousubconsciously ask yourself most
often and it shapes how you seethe world, like how you feel
and the results you get.
And Tony says like the qualityof your questions create a
quality life and successfulpeople just ask themselves
better questions and, as aresult, result, they get better
answers.
So, um, I, I want the.
(31:14):
The concept of a primaryquestion is we all have a
question that we ask ourselvesthe most, like you might, if you
think about people in your life.
There, there's, there's,there's something that that you
hear them say a lot, and chancesare that that's their primary
question.
(31:35):
Like, if I think about a lovedone, I'm thinking about my life
right now.
She always asks me am I okay?
Do I look okay?
Do I look okay?
Are you sure it's okay?
Is that okay?
Are you sure I look okay?
Her primary question isprobably do I look okay?
You sure it's okay?
Is that okay?
Are you sure I look okay?
Her primary question isprobably do I look okay, or am I
okay, or something, somethinggrounded in that phenomenon.
(31:56):
But, like I want everybodylistening to take a moment, and
you too, corey, to reflect on.
When something goes wrong, whatis the first question that pops
into your head?
And I want you to ask yourselfis it empowering or is it
limiting?
So an example could be like alimiting question could be why
does this always happen to me?
An empowering question could bewhat can I learn from this?
(32:16):
How can I grow?
So what?
I want everyone, everyonelistening today, and you too,
corey to choose a question thataligns with your values and your
goals.
So, for example, like how can Ibring joy and progress to every
day?
And then my, my encouragementto you is to repeat that to
yourself daily.
Now I'll give you my personalexperience.
This was like five frickingweighted vests taken off me when
(32:38):
I did this exercise.
The question I always askedmyself was and I didn't know it
consciously.
I did.
I hadn't.
I'd never heard the concept ofa primary question, but we all
have one and it was fascinatingto watch people in the group
unlock what theirs was.
Mine was how can I prove I amenough?
It ran around in my head like africkin hamster running so fast
on a wheel, like all the time,like almost OCD, like all the
(33:02):
frickin time.
How can I prove I am enough?
How can I prove I am enough?
And the whole philosophy aboutyour primary question is it's
the thing you're asking yourselfthe most, it's the question
you're primarily asking yourself.
And, as a result, it drives thefreaking ship.
It drives everywhere you go.
It drives how you think.
It drives the decisions youmake.
It drives the relationshipsyou're in.
(33:24):
It drives all your choices,your actions, your behaviors,
your career, your future.
You're in.
It does.
It drives all your choices,your actions, your behaviors,
your career, your future, youremotions.
It drives freaking.
So it drives.
It drives most of it drives 80percent of our life, perhaps
more so.
So my encouragement toeverybody is to understand what
their primary question is.
So that was mine.
How can I prove I am enough?
The acknowledgement of thatquestion alone was like winning
the lotto, like I felt like like, uh, one of a one, a business
(33:51):
partner of mine, who, who wasalso attending this event, was
like Laura, it looks you, looklike you've.
Like, it looks like you've justbecome like 10 years younger.
Like he just saw the stressmelt away from my face.
And this was before I had evendiscovered what my new primary
question was going to be.
And I'll take you through thisprocess, because I then set what
(34:16):
I thought was my new primaryquestion and it was how can I?
It was like how can Icontribute more?
So I was like okay, how can Icontribute more?
Corey Berrier (34:21):
This is me, me Subconsciously saying how can I
be, how can I, how can I be, howcan I?
Laura Kelly (34:31):
how can I be enough ?
You hit the nail on the head,but I didn't see that at the
time.
I was like this is moreconducive.
Contribution is a good thing.
I'll just contribute more.
It makes me less self-focused.
It makes me more focused onothers.
And then I was freaking.
The next morning we met in ourgroups and I was like anxious, I
had like a tight ass, and whenI get tense, I like my whole,
even my ass gets tight.
And I was like anxious, I hadlike a tight ass, and when I get
tense, I like my whole, even myass gets tight.
And I was like Josh, like thisis my question's shitty.
(34:51):
I feel I'm in my head now andit's still as compulsive as the
other one, but it's like whatcan I do right now?
So it was like fricking insteadof vanilla ice cream it was
honey bean vanilla ice cream.
It was just a different flavorof the same fricking thing.
So my encouragement to you allas you identify what your
(35:13):
primary question is and thenyour new one, make sure it's not
a similar, it's not a differentflavor of the same thing.
So I was like, well, this isshitty, I can't have this
primary question.
This is just is the other one.
And this gentleman came up to meat the start of the event.
He was like he was the coach ofour group and he had read my
(35:34):
questionnaire that and actuallyI can give you that
questionnaire to link to in theshow notes too.
We did a questionnaire pre thisevent and it was so.
It was like that alone wasfreaking, enlightening.
And he read my questionnaireand he was like Laura from
Clover, I'm here to support youthroughout your, throughout your
, throughout your journey.
And um, uh, he was like I'm, Ican help you like identify your
(35:57):
mission and all of that.
And there was something in myintuition that just said this
guy's gonna help me out.
And there was other coachesthat I was like yeah, they're
fine, they're, they're part,they're here to support.
But just I knew this guy couldlike help me out.
And my encouragement to you,corey, and to people listening,
is when you get, when yourintuition kind of like gets,
like is speaking to you,fricking, listen, so so so I was
(36:19):
like I'm going to find this guyand get a better primary
question because this is shitty.
And I found him and I said Ineed to talk to you.
My primary question is not good.
It's really not good.
And my new primary question isjust, is just as shit, help me
out.
And he took me out to the sideand he brought.
He started coaching me and hesaid he said he started coaching
(36:46):
me and we brought, we came to.
How can I appreciate all theease and calm I have in my life
right now?
And I was living in such a placeof angst that I that this was
such a, this was such a 180.
Like it was a total, it was a,it was.
It couldn't have been moreopposite to to the primary
question that I was.
And I just started crying.
And I hadn't for what I don'tknow.
Is it because I'd done a lot ofself-work on myself?
(37:07):
I hadn't really experienced thatmany tears throughout this
event, yet this was day three, Ithink, and I hadn't.
And I started crying.
I was like, oh fuck, this isgood, there's some truth to this
, this is good.
And I felt just more melting it, almost like you put a piece of
bacon in a pan.
You see the melt fat around it,the fat, the fat around it.
That's what I felt washappening.
It was like just crappinessmelt off me and I was like, oh,
(37:31):
this is good.
I knew I was supposed to findyou, this was so good, and I
just gave him a hug and I was sostoked and jazzed and I went in
and told Josh and I was sohappy.
So I came home with my newprimary question and I had so
much more ease and calm but Istarted my new question how can
(37:51):
I appreciate all the ease andcalm I have in my life right now
?
That's my new question.
So so think about what thatdoes to your nervous system.
How can I prove I am enough to?
How can I appreciate all thecalm and ease I have in my life
right now?
I was just chill.
I was chill, chill, chill.
It was fantastic.
But I started to let the houseget messy.
(38:12):
I started to allow my emailskind of get out of control, and
I don't like that.
I like when shit's in order,because it brings me more calm.
And Josh was like what theheck's going on?
And I just didn't really care.
I was just so at ease.
I was seeing all the calm andease all around me that I was
chill and I but, as the twoweeks almost going into the
(38:33):
second week and I was like Iactually started to become
anxious again.
I was like there was somethingmissed, there was something not
aligned.
I was like my environmentwasn't as together as I would
like it to be.
I was like, well, shit, there'ssomething wrong here.
So I spoke to Josh and this isthe benefit of putting yourself
around people that help you askbetter questions, because the
quality of your questionsdetermines the quality of your
(38:54):
life.
And he says what if you justswitched out?
Appreciate to create.
So I was like, ah shit, that isgood stuff.
So it was how can I?
So it went from?
How can I appreciate all theease and calm I have in my life?
How can I create even morecomedies in my life?
And now I'm ongoingly puttingmore systems in place to bring
myself even greater comed.
So it's more proactive and it'sbeautiful.
(39:17):
With the same result, right Withthe same result, if not better,
if not better, way better, way,way way better.
So so.
So my encouragement toeverybody is, is, is, is, is.
Choose a question that, firstly, that aligns with your values.
So, as you set your values, Iwant you to say, okay, is this?
(39:39):
So if I, if I'm putting warmthas my top value, and I'm what
does it by having this value inthis particular order on my list
, how where is this going tolead in my life?
And I want you to do that foreach value that you set.
So then, when you have yourvalues in the order that you
believe is most conducive to you, living in an aligned, joyful,
ease, flow, flow, flow, flowfilled life that is sets you up
(40:03):
to be able to do this primaryquestion, your primary question,
should align with those values.
Corey Berrier (40:08):
All right, let me ask you a quick question.
Laura Kelly (40:09):
Yes.
Corey Berrier (40:11):
Do you?
So I'm just going to observe.
I've observed what you saidPlease do.
So I think it was yourelinquished.
You've relinquished control ofthe outcomes of the emails and
the shit that stacks up that youhad such a tight grip on.
Laura Kelly (40:32):
Sure had such a tight grip on Sure.
Corey Berrier (40:34):
And now it feels like you've let go of that tight
grip and allowed other peoplehopefully systems and processes
to do some of these things,which is trust in not that you,
Laura, you don't have to do itall, but before, I think that
(40:55):
was the case, if I'm readingthis correctly.
Laura Kelly (40:56):
Yeah, for sure, I think.
I think what I would have kindof encouraged to like certainly
what I gave myself thepermission to do was I opened up
more a mental and emotionalbandwidth and, as a result, I
could think clearer and dobetter.
And if we're constantly, ifwe're asking ourselves a shitty
ass question all the time, we'reemotionally exhausting
ourselves and, as a result, wehave less capacity to contribute
(41:19):
, give nevermind to nevermind toothers, but even to ourselves.
So so, so, the, the, the.
If you take nothing away fromthis podcast episode, bar
identifying a new primaryquestion that facilitates your
(41:40):
nervous system living in aconducive environment, that
would be one of the biggestblessings you could give
yourself for the course of your2025.
My nervous system now lives ina much more conducive, calm
space and, as a result, I havemore capacity conducive calm
space and, as a result, I havemore capacity to give to me and,
as a result, give to others and, and in giving to me, I can
(42:00):
think about systems that createmore calmonies and give a person
the opportunity to help mebuild those systems that
facilitate more companies.
Corey Berrier (42:14):
But how do you recognize if you try to take
that control back?
Because it's ingrained in yourpsyche, because you've done this
for so long, and my guess is iteither has crept up since then
or it's going to creep up again.
So how do you mitigate that?
Laura Kelly (42:35):
Yeah, great question.
So you have to the, the, the wehave been asking, you've been
asking yourself your old primaryquestion for such a such a long
period of time.
It is very ingrained andthere's and it, when you ask
yourself that question now,consciously, it's still going to
create, it's going to certainlyyou'll feel it in your body and
I encourage you to payattention to it.
It will, it will create avisceral reaction, you will feel
(42:55):
the feelings and so there's ayeah, there's a lot of emotion
tied.
You now need to create similaremotion with your new primary
question.
So, so, so, how we did it atTony and how I ongoingly do it
now and I know how I encourageyou, corey and listeners is you,
(43:17):
you, you, you have to, you haveto embed it in your nervous
system and how you do that.
The night that we identified ournew primary question, we went
out for a walk and we, like, wewent out for a walk and we, like
, ingrained it in ourselves.
So like, as we walk, we'reasking ourselves how can I
create even more calm and easein my life right now?
(43:39):
How can I create even more calmand ease in my life right now?
And it's not enough to just saythe words is to feel the words.
So I could say so.
If I say how can I createenough calm and ease in my life
right now, that is not in linewith the terms in my new primary
question and it doesn't createa beautiful visceral response
for me.
But if I ask instead how can Icreate even how can I create
(43:59):
even more calm and ease in mylife right now?
Corey Berrier (44:03):
My nervous system just goes, and the movement is
also very important.
When you're asking that, yousaid you went for a walk.
I think that part yes.
Laura Kelly (44:12):
If I yeah, that part.
Yeah, Getting into your body isimportant.
That's right.
Yeah, Getting into your body issuper important.
So my encouragement to you isyou have to ingrain this new
primary question.
How you ingrain it is askyourself it, but ask yourself it
in a way that makes you feel adifferent way.
And and walking, when you getinto your body, you're engaging
(44:46):
where energy goes, like motioncreates emotion, which therefore
creates more access for abetter question to be embedded
and it makes it easier todisassociate yourself from that
old primary question.
So it is a practice.
It's something you have toongoingly ask yourself, but now
(45:09):
you can consciously, when youfeel yourself in angst or stress
, you can consciously justreaffirm your new primary
question and watch your nervoussystem step into a whole
different way of operating.
But yes, now if I experiencestress or tension, I'll just get
up and go for a walk and askmyself my new primary question
(45:31):
as I walk and I will arrive backto my house after just one lap,
a totally different individual.
It is the most, is one of themost profound exercises I've
ever gifted a person and I'veever been gifted.
I, I, I.
I plan to text you later today,Corey, to find out what yours
is, but I would love to, I wouldeven be curious to ask you now
(45:54):
like what do you think yourscurrently is?
And did like a question, and itdoesn't have to be perfect, but
what do you, even if you get inthe ballpark of what it could
be, that creates a level ofconsciousness that brings you so
much more control over yourpsychology?
Corey Berrier (46:15):
I think it's similar.
How could I, you know, howcould I have done this thing
better?
How could I have had thisconversation differently?
How could I have created abetter outcome, almost saying
like what did you?
What could I have done?
Well, really, what could I havedone better?
Laura Kelly (46:33):
Okay, I think that's more male focus, because
Josh's was that and I'llenlighten you and your audience
with like a male version as wellLike Josh's was how can I be
better, so everything.
So his worth, his self-worthwas tied to everything.
(46:53):
His worth, his self-worth wastied to everything which makes
you on the line in almost everyyou know endeavor.
So his was how can I be better?
So that is also affirming thatyou are not enough and if you're
(47:16):
living back to a concept Ithink I've thought on this
podcast before you're thereforeliving in the gap, not the gain.
You're acknowledging all theshit you could be doing better
versus all the things that youdid well, and from that place,
you're going to continually livein that gap and from that gap
you can't give to yourself,never mind others, not as much
so at least.
So josh's new primary questionI'll actually read it out to you
(47:38):
because I have his new posterhere is his was how can I learn,
grow, appreciate and be presenteven more?
It's changed.
My husband, like he, he wouldsometimes be in a conversation
with me where I just want to beheard and he tries to.
He doesn't see it as anythingwrong with me.
He sees it as shit, perhaps I'mnot doing enough, how can I be
(48:00):
better?
And he goes into perhapsself-critical mode and he tries
to coach me up.
And I just don't want him tocoach me up at all, I just want
him to listen.
And now he just, he can just be.
But he's also facilitating hispsychology to have much more
space to really hear.
And when we can really hear,that's when we can really
(48:22):
contribute and we're notoperating from our ego, from the
places that we all feel lessthan we're operating from
fullness, and from there we cancontribute even more and from
there we can contribute evenmore.
Corey Berrier (48:32):
It's interesting because I will often ask Maddie,
is this a conversation that Ijust need to listen, or are you
looking for me to respond?
And it's very clear, right?
She'll just say like, yeah,this is the time you need to
listen.
Well, guess what?
I don't need to ask you morequestions.
Laura Kelly (49:02):
Yeah, for sure, for sure, and and and, um, if
you're, if, yeah, if you, if you, if you ask yourself a question
that um allows you to, allowsyou to just have more access to
your um, whole brain, um, um,because it's, it's grounded more
in, like, your essence, like,how can I learn, grow,
appreciate and be present evenmore?
(49:22):
If you can appreciate somethingabout a moment and you can
speak good into it, it allowsyou contribute to that thing
even more.
Versus come to a place, come toa place, a thing or a moment,
with a desire to make it better,but but, but in order for a
thing to be better.
That whole question wasgrounded in criticism, which
(49:45):
isn't the, you know, the nicestplace to start any conversation
with another, but also yourself,with another, but also yourself
.
So this takes me to my lastpoint.
If you're facilitating, so, so,so, so, just to prepare,
(50:07):
prepare you for your, for yourhomework later, what do you
think your new primary questioncould be?
Cory, I'm not sure.
Okay.
Corey Berrier (50:14):
What do you think your new primary question could
be, Corey?
Laura Kelly (50:17):
I'm not sure.
Okay, I'd love you to give it,I'd love you to give it, I'd
love you to give a thought.
But let me ask you this If youwere sure, what?
Corey Berrier (50:26):
would it be?
I think it'd be the opposite ofwhat could I do better in
recognizing what I am doing well, which is very challenging for
me?
Laura Kelly (50:42):
So if you were to know and verbalize what your new
primary question was, whatwould it be?
Corey Berrier (50:49):
What did you do right in that situation?
What decision did you make?
That was a positive decision.
Laura Kelly (51:02):
So, as you decide what your new primary question
is going to be, I wouldencourage you to ask yourself
how does that align with yourvalues and how will it shape the
trajectory of your year, yourweek, your quarter, your day?
And from that place, I wouldlove you to text me later as to
(51:23):
what your primary question isand I'd love you to consciously
decide to embed that into yourpsychology and do away with like
, like I've seen, like how can Ibe better is actually not the
worst primary question.
How can I prove I'm enough isway worse.
But but the the, the thechallenge with it is it comes.
(51:46):
The fuel is not as healthy as itcould be.
The fuel comes from not enough,which you could.
If you're, if you have a fuelthat is more beautiful and and
and vibrant and alive, like,appreciating and coming from
that place, and that there's a,there's a nicer fuel, and, as a
result, your life fuel, as Tonywould call it is, is just a more
(52:07):
enjoyable one, because you'renot operating from a place of
lack, you're operating from aplace of full, and from fullness
there's more to give toyourself and to others.
Does that make sense?
Corey Berrier (52:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does make sense, yeah, it
does make sense.
Laura Kelly (52:22):
It sounds like you're pondering.
What are you pondering?
Corey Berrier (52:24):
Well, I think you know it still comes back to.
Well, if I was, it kind ofcomes back to what you were
saying.
You know, if I felt like I didenough in xyz situation, I
wouldn't look at how could Ihave done it better if, if you
say that to me once more sosimilar to what you were saying
when you said well, I'm how, youknow, how can I be enough?
(52:48):
well, it's a similar question tohow could I have done better.
It's really kind of falls inthat same question to how could
I have done better.
It's really kind of falls inthat same bucket.
And if I could recognize well,I did do enough in this
situation, I did put my bestfoot forward and I didn't leave
anything on the.
You know, I didn't leave.
I left it all on the field, soto speak.
Um, and I just don't look at itthat way.
(53:08):
I look at it like, well, whatcould I have done better?
And so I don't look at it likeI left everything on the field,
even Even if I did leaveeverything on the field.
I don't view it that way.
Laura Kelly (53:18):
Now you know one word that could change the whole
, that could change thetrajectory of that question.
Even how could I have done evenbetter?
Because you do want to buildinto your primary question a
presupposition that you'realready doing the thing.
So how can I do even better?
Predisposes you've what you'realready doing very good, you
just want to do even better.
Corey Berrier (53:39):
Yes, yeah, a hundred percent makes,
completely makes sense.
Laura Kelly (53:42):
So so that he speaks about a lot is you want
to build a pre, a presuppositionthat that that thing already
exists.
So in the case of mine, how canI create even more companies in
my life right now?
How can I learn, grow,appreciate and be present even
more is what josh's is.
So in your case, I would inlike josh's was yours, how can I
(54:04):
be better?
So you could either just borrowjosh's, but as a, as a starting
frame, and then refine it overtime, like what I did, or or you
could even just change that oneword how can I be even better?
Because you're presupposing thatyou're already better, you're
already good, you could just beeven better.
And from that place, like ifyou say that to yourself, when
(54:28):
you say to yourself and you cango ahead and experience it now,
if you say to yourself how can Ibe better, how does that make
you feel internally?
And then ask yourself how can Ibe even better?
How does that make you feelinternally?
Does your nervous system?
How are you respondinginternally?
Can you feel it?
Corey Berrier (54:46):
Yeah, because the even better helps me to
recognize that.
Yeah, that I'm already doingwell.
Laura Kelly (54:53):
For sure.
Corey Berrier (54:54):
For sure, for sure.
Laura Kelly (54:55):
It facilitates that highway to happiness.
It facilitates thoseopportunities for you to be
grateful to you for the thingsthat you're already doing.
You know, and like, for anexample, like if I were to put
myself in your shoes and I wouldask myself how can I be better?
Or I could ask myself how can Ibe better?
(55:15):
Or I could ask myself, howcould I be even better.
I'm now acknowledging okay,shit, I work for an awesome
company who hire who's,delivering fucking tremendous
service and helping solve thisrecruiting retention issue of
our industry.
I am with a phenomenal woman.
Life's pretty good.
How can I make it even better?
Though?
That's a pretty cool spot tooperate from, yeah, so, so.
(55:39):
So you're operating fromfullness and you're, you're,
you're just now.
You just want even more joy,even more abundance, even more
beauty, you know, even morefullness.
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's,and and the.
You know, even more fullness,it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
and, and.
You know, the crazy part isit's true, and all we've changed
is one word of our question butit's, but it's, but it.
(56:02):
It absolutely flip-flops forthe better.
Corey Berrier (56:07):
Our reality yeah, I like it.
I am certainly going to give itsome more thought, for sure,
but I agree with you Changingjust that one word.
It does change how it lands andhow it feels and it gives
credit.
It lends credit to the inwhatever situation we're talking
(56:33):
about.
It lends credit to the successthat's already there, opposed to
taking away from the successthat's already there 100%, 100%.
Laura Kelly (56:48):
And back to if you consistently acknowledge the
good you are doing, you're goingto find way more good.
Yeah, You're choosing to payattention to all that is good,
and all that is good willcompound and you'll get more of
it.
You get what you pay attentionto.
It's why you hear people saythe law of attraction.
Really, what that is is you'rejust choosing what to focus on,
(57:09):
and what you focus on grows.
Corey Berrier (57:11):
That's right, 100%, all right.
I know know we're getting closeon time.
Laura Kelly (57:15):
go ahead yes, we're getting close on time, so I
would, I would encourage you I'mgoing to end with this create,
make it, make, make happinessand joy easy to attain and then
allow your goals challenge you.
You want your goals to not be.
You want your goals to to notjust good or they logically they
logically make sense.
You want to viscerally feelthem so that you can look, look
(57:39):
toward your 2025 with like vigor, like you're stoked to go about
this thing, not because itsounds good or my ego would like
to achieve this thing.
The phrase I like to use is ifyou're, if you're in your head,
you're dead.
Allow your heart to help shapethe course of your goals for
2025, because the more you feela thing, the more you're going
(58:02):
to feel pulled toward it, notpushed toward it, like, instead
of feeling like you're pushing arock up a hill, you want that
rock to be behind you, pushingyou down the hill because you
got so much bloody momentum yeahand if you, if you have a goal
that is pulling you, not pushingyou, because you that goal is
coming from your heart, not yourhead, it will pull you and
(58:23):
you'll feel compelled and that'sa much more sustainable fuel to
freaking, dominate your 2025and your goals.
your goals should scare you alittle.
They should be big, but theyshould come from your heart, not
from your thinking brain, andfrom that place you will go
(58:49):
about the accomplishment and goabout attaining those goals with
true joy and inspiration.
Corey Berrier (58:55):
Not just something that your ego thinks
sounds good, that was perfect.
Yeah, I got a lot out of thatGood, a lot.
Yeah, that was wonderful, good,good.
Laura, where can people findyou?
Laura Kelly (59:05):
Yeah, so Grow With Clover is where I tend to spend
most of my time.
I'll be at different speakingevents and industry events this
year.
I look forward to hanging outof my time.
I'll be at different speakingevents and industry events this
year.
I look forward to hanging outwith my industry people.
But, yeah, find us at Grow withClover.
My email is laura atgrowwithclovercom.
I can give out my cell.
I like to be, I like to be hitup and contribute in ways that
(59:29):
allow other people to evolve andimprove, allow other people to
evolve and improve, and my mycell is 702-487-1979.
I welcome hearing from you.
I mightn't get back that in thefirst 24 hours, but I'll get to
you.
I care about contributing.
I care about helping everyonelive a more fulfilling,
joy-filled life.
Life is too short.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, sotoday would be a good day to
(59:51):
start living from your heart, togive yourself that 15 minute
gift and write down the thingsthat genuinely make you feel
alive and excite you and enthuseyou, so that you can go about
2025 with like a healthy,exciting fuel, versus a fuel
that is filled with force.
So I wish anyone listening thebest year, if I can be of
(01:00:14):
service to you in this year.
By all means, reach out,whether you're a client or
whether you're not.
I'm here to serve, I'm here tocontribute and I'm here to bring
more joy.
And thank you, guys for tuningin Corey, thank you for
facilitating a platform of just,you know, sheer, give back, you
know, and to and to and to whohire, for giving you the, the,
the, you know, the space, thespace in your day to make this
(01:00:39):
impact that you're making onthis platform.
So, yeah, thank you so much forfor having me and here's to a
really, really good 365 days 360something.
Corey Berrier (01:00:48):
Thank you, laura, I appreciate you.
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