Who Would You Be Without Your Patterns?

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What if the patterns keeping you stuck aren't even yours to begin with? From our earliest moments, our minds absorb everything around us like wet cement—every word, every glance, every reaction forming the foundation of how we see ourselves and the world.

The most profound revelation in understanding our patterns is recognizing that many weren't chosen but inherited. Your parents passed down what they knew, having received the same from their parents, creating an unbroken chain stretching back generations. Nobody consciously hands down their wounds, yet we find ourselves living out scripts written long before we could write our names. These invisible patterns show up everywhere—in relationships that keep ending the same way, in money behaviors that sabotage stability, in the masks we wear believing they're our true identity.

Breaking free begins with awareness. That relationship dynamic that feels so familiar? It's mirroring what you learned about love as a child. That self-sabotage that keeps happening? It's an old protection strategy that's outlived its usefulness. The transformation happens when you turn toward what you've been avoiding—your shadows, your inner child, your authentic self beneath the programming. Through reparenting, you can give yourself what you always needed but never received. And the miracle is that when you heal yourself, you don't just change your life—you break patterns that might otherwise continue for generations.

Ready to pick up the pen and rewrite your story? Listen now to discover how to recognize the patterns running your life and finally break free. Subscribe for weekly insights that will transform how you see yourself and your potential.

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Episode Transcript

Corey Berrier (00:00):
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Corey Berrier,and today we're going to be
talking about breaking thepatterns.
So, from birth to seven yearsold, our minds are like wet

(00:26):
cement.
Every word, every glance, everyweird look from our parents or
a positive look leaves animprint, and so it's like so.
Just like wet cement, you don'tget to choose what gets poured

(00:50):
in.
If your dad was angry, weabsorb fear.
If your mom was anxious, weabsorb worry.
If love felt conditional, weabsorbed performance.

(01:13):
And once that cement hardened,it became the foundation of how
we see the world and how we seeourselves, world and how we see
ourselves.
I wonder, if you pause rightnow and look back, what memory

(01:37):
comes up first, that memory thatstill echoes inside of you.
It's not random.
That's your internalprogramming.
Children live in a brain statecalled theta.
It's close to hypnosis.
It's like if you think aboutwhen you're about to fall asleep

(01:58):
and you're in that almostasleep stage, but you're still
kind of awake.
It's relaxed, almost asleepstage, but you're still kind of
awake.
It's relaxed.
Uh, you're relaxed, you kind ofuh, you're about to fade out.
That's theta, and that's whykids can pretend that a
cardboard box is a spaceship.

(02:18):
Their brains don't filter, theyabsorb.
And when parent yells, thechild doesn't say like, let's
just say it's your dad.
If your dad yells, the childdoesn't say hmm, daddy's
stressed at work, the child saysthere's something wrong.
Or when your mom cries, thechild doesn't say she's anxious

(02:45):
about the bills that are comingin.
The child says the world's notsafe.
And all those silentconclusions, those downloads,
become scripts, scripts that rununconsciously, often for

(03:08):
decades.
So ask yourself, what scriptsmight you still be living that
were written before you couldwrite your name?
That's a tough question.
Every home has an atmosphere.
Some are heavy with silence,some are anxious, some are

(03:34):
chaotic.
And as kids, we don't justnotice the atmosphere around us,
we become it.
We carry in our nervous system,our choices, our relationships.
So picture walking back intoyour childhood home.
Notice the walls, the smells,the tone of voice.

(03:55):
Now pay attention to your body.
Do you tense up or do you relax?
The reaction is the atmospherestill alive in you today.
And here's the hardest part Mostof these lessons are invisible.
You don't remember the exactmoment you decided I'm not

(04:19):
enough.
You don't remember the day youlearned love has to be earned.
But those scripts are stillrunning.
They show up when youself-sabotage, when you choose
the wrong partners, when youchoose success.
That never feels satisfied.

(04:40):
And here's the hope.
You didn't write those scripts.
They're written for you.
But now you can pick up the penand rewrite those scripts.
What's one invisible script?

(05:04):
You've been living and whatwould it feel like if you
stopped letting it run your life?
Patterns don't just start withus.
They're inherited.
Your parents passed down whatthey knew, their parents passed
down what they knew, and so onand so forth, stretching all the

(05:24):
way back to God knows when.
And nobody sat down and said Iwant to hand you my fears, my
shame, my wounds, but that'swhat happened.
Trauma echoes throughgenerations until someone.
You decide to break that chainRight.

(05:47):
So pause a moment and imagineyour mother as a little girl,
imagine your father as a littleboy, see them absorbing what
their parents modeled and thennotice how much of what you
carry never even started withyou.
I mean, parenting is thehardest job in the world and the

(06:12):
only one that comes with notraining.
We do the best we can, but thetruth is most of us parent
blindly.
I did.
Looking back, I realized I hadno framework, no roadmap.
I was repeating or rebellingagainst what I saw.
And that's the paradox Evenwhen we swear I'll never be like

(06:37):
my mom or I'll never be like mydad, we often find ourselves
sounding exactly like them,because unconscious programming
always runs the show until webring it in to the light.
Programming always runs theshow until we bring it in to the
light.
You know, adulthood is justlike childhood, except for being
played out in a bigger body.

(06:58):
Our relationships aren't random.
They mirror what we learnedearly on.
If love felt conditional, wechoose partners who make us
prove ourselves.
If we were abandoned, we clingto that partner tightly or run

(07:22):
for someone that can leave us.
If anger was normal, werecreate it or we run from
conflict like it's fire.
Think about your ownrelationships.
Do you see the echoes, do yousee the child in you?
Choosing partners, friends,even bosses, that feel just like

(07:44):
home, whether that home wassafe or not.
You know money carriesgenerational weight as well.
If you grew up in scarcity, youmight live with constant fear,
even when you have enough.
If your parents tried, if yourparents tied worth or success to

(08:07):
worth, to success, you maygrind yourself into burnout.
If money was never talked about, you may avoid it completely,
sabotaging your own stability.
And then there's the mask ofpersonality.
We say that's just who I am.
But often who we think we areis really a survival strategy, a

(08:33):
tough guy mask, a perfectionistmask, a people pleaser mask.
Those masks protected us askids, but as adults they keep us
from authenticity.
So ask yourself who are youreally?
Not the mask, not the program,not the inherited patterns.

(09:01):
Who are you beneath it all youknow, one of the most dangerous
phrases in adulthood is that'sjust who I am.
I'm angry that's just me.

(09:27):
I'm bad with money that's justme.
I can't commit that's just me.
But what if that's not who youare?
What if that's who you weretaught to be?
Being unaware of these thingskeeps us repeating the same
cycles in relationships thatbreak up the same way, jobs that

(09:47):
end the same way, habits thathurt the same way, jobs that end
the same way, habits that hurtthe same way.
And every time you repeat thecycle, the chain gets heavier
until one day you realize you'renot living free, you're living
on autopilot.
You know, addiction is theillusion of control.
We drink to control anxiety inthe present.

(10:10):
We use drugs to control thepain in the past.
We gamble, binge or scroll tocontinue our fears about the
future or to control our fearsabout the future.
But here's the irony the morewe try to control our pain

(10:32):
through addiction, the morecontrol the addiction has over
us.
So ask yourself what pain areyou trying to control?
Is it the sting of childhood,the ache of loneliness, the fear
of what's ahead?
Because until you name it,you'll keep reaching for

(10:52):
something to numb it.
There comes a moment when theweight of that cycle is too
heavy.
For some that means rock bottomand for others that means quiet

(11:15):
emptiness.
You know, the wake-up call saysyou can't keep living like this
.
It's painful, it's terrifying,but it's also sacred, because
the wake-up call is proof you'reready, proof that somewhere
inside your true self is sayingit's time to break free.

(11:36):
So picture yourself 10 yearsfrom now if nothing changes.
You're exhausted, you're numb.
Now picture yourself, if youcan, 10 years from from now,

(11:57):
being free and present and alive.
Which one of those visionsfeels more like what you're
meant for?
And this is really where thetransformation begins, in the
cave you've been avoiding.
You know.

(12:19):
Shadow work means turning towardthe parts of yourself you've
denied the anger, the shame, thefear.
Inner child work means goingback to that little boy or
little girl you abandoned a longtime ago, closing your eyes,
seeing their face, feeling theirneed and saying to them I see
you, I love you, I will protectyou.

(12:41):
Now, when you face the shadow,it loses its grip.
When you care for that innerchild, you stop running from
yourself.
Child, you stop running fromyourself, and that's when the
real you begins to emerge.
So transformation is not aboutlooking back.

(13:05):
It's about choosing how youshow up.
Today.
Reparenting means becoming theparent you always needed.
If you needed safety, youcreate boundaries.
If you needed encouragement,you celebrate small wins.
If you need love, practicecompassion for yourself.
Picture yourself sitting acrossfrom that younger version of

(13:30):
you and see their eyes, seetheir need, and now imagine
saying you've got this, I'llprotect you, I'll give you what
you never had.
That's reparenting the healingyou know.
That's healing that inner childwhile freeing the current adult
.

(13:52):
And when you heal yourself, youdon't just heal you, you heal
generations.
Children don't learn by whatyou say.
They learn by who you are.
They watch how you handle anger, they watch how you treat
yourself, they watch how youlove or don't love.

(14:12):
And the moment you start livingin awareness, they inherit
something different freedom.
So ask yourself, what legacy amI handing down my wounds or my
healing?
You know, healing isn't aboutbecoming someone now.

(14:33):
It's about becoming who youalways were, before the mask,
before the patterns, before thepain.
Integration means living awake,catching the old scripts before
they run you.
It means authenticity, showingup with one face, one story, one
truth.

(14:53):
When you stop hidingrelationships deepen when you
stop story one truth.
When you stop hidingrelationships deepen when you
stop pretending peace arrives.
When you stop lying to yourself, you finally feel whole.
So imagine yourself steppinginto every room as the same
person no masks, no fear, justyou.
That's the freedom ofauthenticity.

(15:15):
And it's scary like it's reallyscary, to think you just show
up like you and people are goingto like you.
But it's freedom.
Just be you.
You know this entire journeychildhood, generations, uh, the

(15:36):
transformation leads to onequestion what story will you
choose from here?
Patterns are powerful.
They are not permanent.
They shaped you, but they don'tdefine you.
The moment you choose awareness, you start to change.
The moment you chooseresponsibility, you reclaim your
power.
The moment you chooseresponsibility, you reclaim your
power.
The moment you chooseauthenticity, you walk free.

(15:59):
So see yourself standing at theedge of that old story and
behind you generations ofpatterns, ahead of you
generations of possibility, andin your hand is the pen to
rewrite that story.
It stops here, it stops withyou, it stops with me, because

(16:30):
the moment you break the patternis the moment you start to live
free.
So I know this is a little bitdeep today, but go back and
re-listen to this podcast,because I'm telling you this is
the things that you're scared oftoday, the things that you fear
today, the reasons you don'thave great relationships and

(16:51):
friendships, the reason that youstruggle at work is because the
patterns that you've beenplaying out your whole life.
Really think about that.
What areas in your life are youstruggling with?
And maybe you don't know whatthose are.
So maybe take a few minutes insilence and reflect on the
things that I've talked abouthere, because it could change

(17:12):
the direction of your life.
So I want to thank you guys forlistening.
Please subscribe if you haven'talready, please leave a
five-star review and we'll seeyou next Friday.