Ep. 346: Red One Breakdown

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What is up bros, I'm Jonathan.

(00:25):
And I'm Caleb.
And we're a couple of bros on a mission to give you guys the most detailed movie reviews
out there with as little bias as possible.
Welcome to the all bros.
This week on the podcast, I am the only one that has something to talk about when it comes
to weekly watches.
And you know what it was like a last minute like watch today like out of pure nostalgia

(00:49):
because of a YouTube video that I watched.
So yeah, and then after that, we'll jump right into our headliner of the evening, which
was it was going to be Craven the Hunter, but things happen, you know, life happens.
And so instead, we'll be doing red one.
Hell yeah.
So yeah, what do you say we get started?

(01:09):
I say let's do it.
Hello, my name is Brecker Nurse.
And I want to tell you about my phone or movie podcast called autopsy for horror movie.
On my show, I like to have fun dissecting out what makes a horror movie scary, what
worked for it, what didn't, what types of fears as a playoff of is an allegory for any

(01:30):
sort of message.
I don't know, but let's find out.
Also, I like to watch slashers.
I'm a big slasher guy.
So I'll watch a slasher and do a kill grade for it.
I will cover the kills and I will tell you how I would grade it based on shock method
style points and a fourth category that is a reflection of the movie.
Besides those, I'll have fun with special topic episodes, commentary tracks, interviews

(01:53):
with guests, including some shutter directors.
So I just like to have a fun time over here.
If any of this sounds interesting to you or you want to come check me out, please head
over to Spotify, Apple podcasts or anywhere they listen podcasts and search for autopsy
for horror movie.
Also, be sure to find me on Instagram at Brecker horror where you get fun updates and some
cool little posts that I do.

(02:13):
Thanks for listening.
And I hope that you get to enjoy the show and I'll see you on Instagram.
Bye.
All right.
So jumping right into weekly watches.
Like I said, I only have one and it was at a pure nostalgia.
And yeah, now when it comes to going back to these kinds of shows or movies, it's especially

(02:39):
for mining Caleb's generation.
It's hard now watching after watching quiet on set and seeing what these kids went through.
It's absolutely horrible what they went through, especially, you know, Drake Bell.
And so watching anything Drake and Josh nowadays is kind of hard.
I still love the show.
I love this special.
But just yeah, there is a part of you that like it sometimes is a little struggle to

(03:05):
get through this kind of stuff now.
Oh, man, dude, straight up.
Like even the new shit, like it's hard to watch the new shit too.
Like we were talking about this a little bit before we hit record.
But yeah, like even watching like the new I Carly, like after that documentary came
out, like it's it's rough.

(03:27):
Did I mean, because they didn't touch upon it in the show.
And according to them, their set wasn't like that.
But did you have you seen like everything coming out about the Ned's Declassified cast
or at least the main three you see in a throuple right now?
I don't know.
I mean, they might be.
I don't know.
But the frickin like after Quiet On Set came out, like they did like a live stream or something.

(03:52):
And they basically poked fun about how their set was nothing like these other shows.
Like they never felt in danger.
Nothing like that.
Like kind of poking fun a little bit at Drake Bell, these other kids that went through absolute
hell and then frickin.
Oh, my God.
The girl that played Mo's.

(04:14):
Yeah, I'm forgetting her name.
But frickin she admitted that like literally she worked her way up to doing stuff with
the other cast members once and went and like she didn't start with Devin or Ned.
She like worked her way up to him.

(04:34):
And I'm just like, I don't want to think of this shit when you guys were one of my favorite
Nickelodeon shows.
Like, come on.
Like, I get it.
We're adults here.
They're listen.
Their show is not for the faint of heart.
Yeah.
Like I, I tried really hard to watch their show or not to watch, to listen to it.

(05:00):
And it got to the point, dude.
I'm like, this just it's almost ruining my childhood.
Like, I don't think about most sleeping around with coconut head, Martin Quirley, backpack
guy, Timmy toot toot.
Yeah, I don't want to think about that shit.
Yeah.
And she did.
She's so frickin like blatant about it.

(05:24):
And then I like I like I genuinely do not know if this was like a joker or not.
But yeah, she went and like told family members that she was in a throuple with the Devin
and what's his face, the guy who plays a cookie.
Shit, I forgot his name.

(05:46):
I think it's like Simon something.
Maybe.
I thought that was his name in the show.
Simon Nelson Cook.
Oh, that's right.
Let's see.
Daniel Curtis Lee.
That's what it is.
What's Moses name?
Pull up by chance with this.
Lindsay Shaw.
Okay, so yeah, Lindsay, Daniel and oh my god, Devin.

(06:10):
Almost forgot Ned's name.
Yeah, but dude, it was it's it's rough.
It's rough hearing about that shit.
Because it's like, oh, gross.
Yeah.
And even now, dude, they forget like I haven't seen any of their shit for a while.

(06:31):
I haven't either.
Like honestly, like after like that came out and about them, I'm just like, I don't know
if I want to listen to your guys a show anymore or watch your tick tock shit like that.
Like I think I'm good right now.
I'd be interested to see if they're still doing that.
They're still pushing for a frickin reboot of Ned's Declassified.

(06:53):
They really want that to happen.
And after the failure of Zoe 102, because I don't think like it barely brought in like
any streaming numbers, I don't see Paramount taking a chance on that, considering that
Ned's Declassified wasn't one of the Nickelodeon's like top shows when we were growing up.
Like it was usually like, of course, iCarly was up there, Drake and Josh, but like Ned's

(07:19):
Declassified and I would say Zoe 101 were kind of like definitely like viewed less compared
to those other two.
Yeah.
I'm just looking right now to see.
Yeah, it looks like they haven't posted anything since October.

(07:40):
Oh shit.
Okay.
Wow.
All right.
Damn.
It was like all of their episodes in 2024, it was, they call it the adult guide to, let's
see, nostalgia and making amends, fan dreams, guided dating, overcoming jealousy, discovering

(08:07):
your passions, whatever the hell that means.
The guide to body image, like listen, all important things, all important things, not
the way that they do it.
They leave you just being like, oh, I feel gross now.
Yeah.
Like I think it'd be different if they weren't trying to like tie in the show.

(08:29):
Yeah, that's yeah.
No, I agree.
Yeah.
If it's just like you say, like it's for like the first episode of their podcast, they just
say, Hey, you know, you might remember us from an it's declassified.
We were Ned, Mos and cookie.
Maybe, you know, just talk about what they remember from that show for like a little
bit for the first episode, but then that's it.
Move on from there.

(08:50):
And the rest of your show is just talking about what basically what you want to talk
about with these kind of a life advice, but don't keep bringing back.
Ned's declassified into the mix.
Yeah.
I think for like this podcast started off as like a watch along.
So it was like, okay.

(09:10):
So they were going episode by episode for what?
Like kind of like the office ladies.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So yeah, it was like episode by episode.
And then they got to it was like every episode that they were talking about, though, they
were talking about like the shit that was going on behind scenes with them.

(09:31):
They're just like, Oh, yeah, don't you remember?
That's when I freaking blew you behind this thing.
I was like, dude, I don't need to know that.
Yeah, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
Like, listen, did I assume?
Yes.
Did I need that confirmation?
No.
Exactly.
Like, oh, like I could live my whole life without knowing that.

(09:56):
Oh, my.
But yeah, it was crazy.
What's crazier is they got like the other cast members to come in and like discuss shit.
And I'm like, Wow, like, ew.
Yeah, we could have kept that locked away in the Nickelodeon vault.
Just saying.
Yeah, it's like, keep that to yourself, you freaking animals.

(10:19):
But anyway, Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh.
So I love this movie.
This is a great special, in my opinion.
And to me, I feel that this is the true finale for Drake and Josh.
I know, like, it actually did have that finale, or like the show ended with them, I think,

(10:39):
like fighting over shrimp.
And then it like, like flashback to when they fought over shrimp on the Amanda show.
Like, you know, that's a cool flashback.
I think that is cool.
But I don't know this this one, even though, you know, like, it literally ends with Josh
throwing a snowball at Drake and Drake, I'm going to get you Parker, or I'm going to get
you Nichols.
Sorry, Parker's Drake's last name.

(11:01):
I don't I don't know that felt more closing, it felt like more closure than the actual
ending of the show.
See, I love the ending of this.
And it's so great to see these characters again.
Someone pointed out that when this movie came out, iCarly was, you know, already well into
production.

(11:22):
And so Miranda Cosgrove and Jerry Trainor were already playing Carly and Spencer.
And like kudos to them for coming back to play these like vastly different characters
compared to those that they were playing on iCarly.
And like, honestly, they didn't miss a beat felt just like just the same as they did on
the show.

(11:44):
Just you get a lot of recurring characters, you get that funny gag with Mrs. Hayford,
where Drake hits a puddle and just drenches her as they're driving down the street.
What else do you get?
Freaking when they go to Gavin's house and pick up his moped or scooter or whatever.

(12:07):
So like you get some like nice nods to the original show.
Characters still feel the same.
And just, I love spending Christmas with Drake and Josh, like, it's great.
The story is really good.
It's insane, like freaking how the resource was a resource officer or whoever is in charge

(12:31):
of them basically says, oh, hey, if you don't give this family, especially this little girl,
the best Christmas ever, y'all are going to jail for a long time.
You say, oh, okay.
All right.
Sure.
But because you can't break your Christmas promise.
Did you know that, Caleb?
Yes, I have, I've heard that many a times.
Okay, good.
Just making sure.

(12:51):
And so yeah, just, I love watching craziness and Sue, like you always expect with Drake
and Josh.
It's great.
These guys don't miss a beat.
Their chemistry has been amazing since day one.
And even years later after the show wrapped and they did this movie, the chemistry is
still there.
I love these two guys together.
I know in like real life, you know, they've had some like hiccups, but I think things

(13:15):
are a little better now.
I hope so.
Um, cause it's kind of hard to picture a world that Drake and Josh aren't friends or at least
like, at least like they still like each other in real life, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I can't keep track of what the hell's going on with that.
Like I know that Drake was got in trouble for some sketchy shit.

(13:39):
Josh just kind of like distance himself from that whole situation.
So is Drake back on the up and up or?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah.
I think Drake's back on the up and up.
So like, yeah, I'm sure that they're not vocal about their relationship, um, which, you know,
totally get, um, but I do hope that, you know, like they still check in with each other every

(14:01):
once in a while, something like that.
You know, if they did, if they did go their separate ways, completely get it.
But my childhood heart would like to think that they, they still do care about each other
and they do check in with each other frequently.
So that's my childhood dream.
Um, but yeah, just a great special, have a great time.

(14:24):
Every single time I watch it.
I haven't watched it in a couple of years now.
So I was glad that I was able to rewatch it this year.
Um, yeah.
So if you haven't watched, I mean, if you loved Drake and Josh as a kid and you haven't
watched Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh, do yourself a favor.
It feels just exactly like the show and it's a fun time from start to finish.
So a stream it is what I would give a Merry Christmas Drake and Josh.

(14:46):
It's a, it's a good time.
It's a very, very good time.
Hell yeah.
Dude, I don't know if I've seen this movie, but Josh's hair is atrocious.
Oh dude, there is a freaking, there's a part where he's taking his mugshot photo and so

(15:07):
many people have said it looks like a wig.
Like the way that it's like, dude,
I was just going to ask.
I don't think it is.
I think that is like, especially in, you know, in this and throughout the show, I think it's
Josh's real hair.
Like he just decided to grow it out.
What year did this come out?
Uh, that fricking, I don't know.

(15:29):
Actually, I think like 2010.
Oh, 2008.
Oh, 2008.
My bad.
Oh, is that too far past the line?
No, 2008.
That was like peak Bieber.
Wasn't it?
I think so.
Yeah.
Like that.

(15:49):
I think that was just the hairstyle.
So glad that my parents have always like given me like just a crisp, clean looking haircut
and never let me do this shit with my hair.
Dude, I don't think we were hanging out that much, but like, I don't know.

(16:11):
Maybe we were.
Do you remember at all when I used to have, I used to have my hair like kind of pretty
long and fricking, I would like swoop it over to the right and I'd have to like, okay, listen,
I do remember your hair being like that, but it was, it was long, but you styled it.
So it didn't look like this.

(16:31):
Okay.
Like, cause I didn't start spiking it up until we were in high school.
Yeah.
And I mean, I've always had like the, the like super high fade.
That's true.
Yeah.
Caleb always has.
Caleb used to kind of do like a buzz cut a little bit.
A little, well that was when my mom cut my hair.
That's right.

(16:51):
All right.
So that's understandable.
And listen, she did her best, but she does not know how to cut hair.
No, but yeah, like it's always kind of been that vibe, but just, it's just the way that
my hair grows out.
Like she could cut it all the same length and then like this little patch grows a little
bit longer.

(17:12):
So it looks like I can do like the, the spiky front and everything.
So do you have a widow's peak?
No, no, I just have a really far, huh?
Okay.
Like my hair lands a little like far back, but it's not like, it's not super bad.
Like it hasn't gotten worse.
Like it's, it's kind of, it's, I was afraid it was just going to keep going further and

(17:35):
further.
Cause if it, if it got too bad, I'm buzzing my head.
Like I'm, I'm shaving it all off, but luckily for me, it just, it hasn't gotten to that
point yet.
Okay.
That's good.
Um, my younger brother, coy though, he needs to shave his head something awful.
We keep trying to convince him to, but he's, he is holding on for dear life.

(17:58):
Dude, he's got the beard.
He can pull it off.
I know that's what we've all told him.
He's just like, no dude, it looks weird.
And I'm like, no, no, it would, yeah, it would not call it.
You can pull it off quite well.
Yeah.
But yeah, I told, I've, I told myself really early on, like if my hair starts to go, like

(18:19):
if it gets to a point where anyone feels like I'm holding on to something that's not there
anymore, I'm buzzing it all.
Like it is, it is all going and I will, I will live with a shaved head the rest of my
life as much as, um, you know, I, I do not like my father.
Um, I just, just, just getting that out there right now.

(18:42):
Um, at least, at least, uh, with, uh, his jeans, um, he still has a full head of hair
in his sixties and my grandpa has a full head of hair in his, I think my grandpa's 86 now
so, at least like the hair, um, his side is decent.
So like, I don't think I'm going to have to worry about going balding, at least not for

(19:06):
the time being.
I hope not.
Well, they say that you get your hair genetics from your mother's father.
Oh, if that's the case, shit.
Cause I think my mom's birth father, uh, started going balding and it's like fricking like,
I think mid thirties, early forties.

(19:28):
So we'll see how, how that period of time.
Oh shit.
Okay.
Well, I, I don't know how true that is though.
At least I, it may be true for like the first born because I have hair very similar to my,
my mom's dad.
Okay.

(19:49):
Like he had like the dark black hair and he had lots of it.
It was super thick.
Koi and Bronson, they have more like my dad's side, like their haircut where it's like,
like Bronson, his hair, like he still has like all of his hair.
It doesn't look like he's balding at all.

(20:09):
His hair is just a lot thinner than mine.
Okay.
And then Koi, Koi's been going bald for a while now.
Yeah, Koi definitely got the short end of the stick.
He did.
He absolutely did.
I'm, I don't believe that my hairline has gone back any further than here.

(20:31):
Like it's kind of like gone here and then just stopped.
And I'm like, if it's, if it stays there, I will be perfectly happy with that.
Cause my, my, yeah, my maternal grandfather, um, he, he actually like near the end of his
life, he was going through like chemo and everything.

(20:54):
And he shaved his head preemptively.
Cause he's like, I don't want to lose, lose my hair.
So he shaved his head and his hair even through chemo was still growing back.
Like exactly how, yeah.
I'm like, dude, that's fricking nuts.
Yeah.
Wow.
But yeah, he, he kind of had like that silvery vibe and then he shaved his head and let it

(21:17):
grow back in and he was just pure white.
Okay.
Yeah.
There was like this magic period of time where he was just silver hair where it was like
black on top and the just silver silver streaks throughout.
And I'm like, I'm so pumped for that period of time in my life.
Dude, I, that would be super cool to see you rocking a Reed Richards over here.

(21:41):
Oh dude, I so cool.
You can pull it off too.
Like it would look, it would look super good on you, man.
I would lose it.
Oh, but yeah, I forget.
Why are we talking about hair?
Josh's hair.
Oh, Josh's hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah.
I'm so glad my mom never let me do anything like that with my hair because I can look

(22:03):
back and my hair is the least embarrassing thing about my pictures growing up.
You know, I find it funny that, you know, from, I think like maybe Drake's hair was just
like a little different in the like the first season because I think that's like when he
like maybe like, like swooped it up a little bit.
So like it kind of looked a little spiked, but from like season two to freaking Merry

(22:27):
Christmas Drake and Josh, Drake literally had the exact same haircut.
Yeah, absolutely.
And that was fine.
He, he pulled it off.
It looked great.
But Josh's I felt was like different every single freaking season.
It was, it absolutely was.
And dude, when he finally freaking cut his hair, like he looked so good.

(22:48):
Yeah, no.
Yeah.
When he had it short for like the final season or the final two seasons.
Yeah.
Like, like, yes, that is perfect, Josh.
Keep it that way.
And he's kept that haircut into his adulthood.
That's the exact same haircut he has now.
Yeah.
He's found what's worked for him.
He's just keeping the ball rolling exactly how it should be.

(23:08):
Damn right.
Anyway, I have to give this movie a rewatch one day.
You should, man.
It's it's a good time.
Sorry, I forgot I'm leading this episode.
But so that's what all I got for weekly watch.
Caleb, do you want to unless you want to talk about anything?
Nope, I'm good.

(23:29):
Okay.
Well, what do you say we jump into our headliner?
Say let's do it.
All right.

(23:54):
All right.
So before we jump right into our breakdown of Red One, which I do want to point out really
quickly, I was shocked how fast this went to prime video.
I mean, I had a I had a feeling that they were going to drop it still this holiday season
because it'd be kind of dumb if they held on to it for a year.
But like, I would have I would have thought they'd do it like the week of Christmas, not

(24:16):
like frickin two weeks before Christmas.
Oh, what?
This movie came to the art came to streaming so fast.
It released on November 15th and went to streaming December 12th.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Well, when you have a budget as big as it was, and it was just not doing that great

(24:38):
at the box office, it wasn't, you know, like a laughing stock, but it wasn't doing great.
I I understand why MGM pushed it to prime video because it's actually the I think it
brought in like 50 million views or 50 million streams.
And it's like first 20.
I don't know if it's like it's in its first week or like its first 24 hours.

(25:00):
I don't know.
But it like it set the record for like the most watched original prime movie.
So at least there's that.
That is cool.
Dude, fair.
I mean, you can't argue with that.
Like if that was the plan all along, like good on you.
Well frickin the original plan.
So this was originally supposed to just be released to prime video.

(25:21):
It was never supposed to come to theaters.
But when Johnson.
Yeah.
This is this is where it gets fun.
Dwayne Johnson saw a screening of Oppenheimer in IMAX and said, no, this is how Red One
needs to be experienced.
Oh, yeah.

(25:42):
Dead frickin serious, dude.
This is so true.
Dwayne Johnson said this out loud to people.
Yeah.
Yep.
This is what Dwayne Johnson thought.
And so they had to go back up the ante.
I think I don't know if they like filmed extra scenes or what, but you know, they had to
convert the movie into being able to perform on frickin IMAX 40x screens.

(26:03):
And so that just added to the budget.
And we all know that Dwayne Johnson got paid a shit ton of money for this movie.
So that didn't help the budget at all.
So in the actual delusional hell.
So yeah, dude, the budget for this movie was between 200 and 250 million, dude.

(26:24):
And the box office was I mean, it's still playing in theaters, but so far it's only
at one hundred and seventy five million or one hundred and seventy five point five.
Dude.
Yeah.
What world is Dwayne Johnson living in?
I don't know, but do you think that Red One deserves to be on the same theatrical just

(26:50):
to be shown on the same screen as Oppenheimer?
Yep.
That's how Dwayne Johnson feels.
This dude is delusional.
Seriously, what in the actual hell, dude, if he would have come to me, even like someone
that was like wanting this movie to succeed, like if I had been an investor on this and

(27:12):
he had come to me with that, I would have thought he was joking.
No, dude.
Yeah, that's fair.
Like freaking this dude, like I, I honestly kick myself for not seeing Oppenheimer in
forty or IMAX this movie.
I'm totally fine that I watched it at home.

(27:33):
Like I'm not kicking myself for missing this in theaters.
Oh my gosh, dude is psycho.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't, I couldn't take anything that he said seriously after hearing that.
I'm like, yeah, but you all like for the rest of his life, like if I was close enough with

(27:55):
him, I'd be like, yeah, but you also thought Red One deserved to be on the same screen
format as Oppenheimer.
So you can go screw yourself.
No, like seriously.
Oh my gosh.
I just blew your mind.
Dude, yeah, like right up against this wall, like what?
Yep.

(28:16):
Oh, the rest of this episode is me going to be just unable to think of anything else.
Perfect.
Holy shit.
Well, now that I have just left Caleb with his mouth on the floor, do you want to let
people know how we break down movies on this podcast?

(28:36):
Sure.
Like we are living in the Twilight Zone, but if you're new to our breakdown system, we
have split movies into eight different categories that we individually score to come to a final
Albrose letter grade.
The eight categories that we score are story, writing, acting, character development, effects,

(29:00):
music, costumes, and then we give our own personal score at the very end.
All of those numbers get magically added up and spit through our algorithm and give us
a letter grade to compare this movie to others of a similar grade.
So if you have not seen Red One, please do yourself the favor and do not pay for this.

(29:23):
This is on Amazon Prime.
Everyone and their mother has Amazon Prime.
Just watch it there.
You will be fine.
You are not missing much.
Do not let the rock lie to you.
You know what the rock is cooking?
Disappointment.
You know, I really want to see how much money this move this has brought in from like just

(29:46):
IMAX and 40X screens alone.
Like that's all I want to see.
Now that's all I care about.
I don't even know if the man I wish I could go back and because there's only one IMAX
theater and that I like near where I live.
I wish I could go back and see what's showing or what was showing on there.

(30:07):
If Red One ever made it to that screen, I would be genuinely shocked if it did.
Oh, man.
I think I think out here because like I know there's like an IMAX theater at the mega plagues
down the road, but I usually just go for XD with Cinemark.
I forget.
Remember that?

(30:28):
I think Red One was only playing for a week in XD if that because literally the week after
the XD showings had to share both Wicked and Gladiator 2.
Like it had to be split between those two movies.
So as it should be.
Yeah, those two movies like I didn't see Gladiator 2 on NXT.

(30:49):
But you know what?
I'll admit that would have been cool to see NXT.
And I saw Wicked in NXT.
That was freaking beautiful.
It was amazing NXT.
Yeah, don't need to see Red One in NXT.
I'm good.
This wouldn't even crack the top 10 list of 2024 movies that should be experienced on

(31:09):
IMAX.
That's fair.
Like I'm sure dude, freaking I'm sure I could think of a comedy right now, just like a bare
bones comedy.
Nothing extravagant about it.
No special effects.
Nothing like that that I would rather see in NXT than Red One.
Yeah.
Like freaking No Hard Feelings.
I would watch that on NXT.

(31:31):
There we go.
There are so many other movies that I would have watched rather than I would have watched
reruns.
Oh, here we go.
A real pain.
There we go.
I'd watch that NXT that Jesse Eisenberg, Kieran Colkin movie.
I'd watch that NXT.
Sure.
There we go.
Oh gosh, the absolute delusion of this guy, dude.

(31:57):
And this is someone that thought that he couldn't get any more just arrogant with his young
rock show.
Or the freaking let's flash back to the the hierarchy of the DC studio.
Oh my hell.
DC is about to change.
Yeah, that definitely won't overwhelm.
Yeah, that aged like freaking milk.

(32:20):
That Superman trailer though, I'm freaking stoked for that.
Oh dude, I'm so pumped.
That poster was badass.
The theme.
That was a work of art.
Yes.
So excited.
Oh, I'm so pumped.
I am so pumped.
I'm waking up early Thursday to watch it.
Dude, same here.

(32:40):
Same here.
We believe in you, James Gunn.
You got this.
Hell yeah.
But going back to the rock.
Yeah.
So yeah, Red One.
Yeah.
So if you have not seen Red One, this is tough because I mean, listen, it's a holiday movie.
It's the holidays.
It fits the tone.

(33:01):
That's you know, I was thinking about this watching watching this.
It's very hard for me to hate a Christmas movie, I feel.
Yeah, right.
As long as it gets, you know, like the idea of what Christmas is about, you know, gives
you some good morals.
Really, honestly, like has some like cool shit to look at, like the North Pole in this movie

(33:24):
actually look pretty damn cool.
Like I really can't hate you.
Like I'm going to like you at least a little bit.
It's hard to hate Christmas.
Easy to hate the rock.
Exactly.
Which sucks because he's amazing as Maui.
Oh, man.
We'll see.
He is losing.
He is seeing so many points in my book with the bullshit that comes out of his mouth.

(33:50):
Fair.
I was trying to get Mr. Plunge on this episode because he that it was like shortly after
I'd watched Red One, he said or he sent this message.
He says, Did you guys watch the money laundering scheme that is Red One?

(34:12):
Oh, man.
It is rough.
But yeah, if you guys haven't seen it, we are about to spoil the entire movie for you
in our favorite segment that we like to call reading with Rose.
So we will be posting that spoiler warning now.

(34:35):
And if you listen beyond this point and anything is spoiled for you, you'll live.
This goes about as like how you'd expect.
Like watch any of the trailers.
Like you'll get the gist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because there I don't know about you, but there was one scene that, you know, it was
showcased a lot in the trailers takes place on the beach.

(34:57):
And I'm just thinking I really did not need to see a snowman's ass cheeks.
Dude, for reals, though.
I could have gone my whole life without seeing that.
But to get into the story, here we go.
Mora, mythological oversight and restoration authority is a clandestine multilateral military
organization that oversees and protects a secret peace treaty between mythological creatures

(35:21):
and humanity.
Humanity.
Humanity.
Callum Drift, commander of Elf enforcement, enforcement, logistics and fortification,
head of Santa Claus's security detail, request to retire after one last Christmas run as
he has become delusioned with increased naughty behavior in the world, exemplified by the

(35:43):
growth of Santa's naughty list.
On Christmas Eve, a black ops team breaks into the North Pole complex and kidnaps Santa.
Callum notifies director Zoe Harlow about the kidnapping and her team discovers that
the North Pole secret location was compromised by Jack O'Malley, a mercenary black hat hacker
who claims to be able to find anything in the world.

(36:07):
Zoe apprehends Jack for questioning a longtime Santa's a long time Santa skeptic.
Jack did not know the information he hacked was related to Santa and merely sent it to
an anonymous buyer.
Zoe offers to double Jack's payment if he helps them find Santa but places a tracker
inside him.
Callum reluctantly teams up with Jack to find Santa by tracking the broker who arranged

(36:30):
the deal between Jack and the kidnapper, Gan the kidnapper in Aruba.
The broker tells them the kidnapper is the winter witch.
Is it Grilla?
Grilla?
Yeah, Grilla.
Something like that.
I don't know why they didn't use someone like a little bit more well known.
I agree.
Hell, you know what?
I know like they set up this like brother brother relationship with Santa Claus and

(36:53):
Krampus.
Spoiler alert.
Sorry.
But you know what?
I would have been fine if it was Krampus that was the villain.
Deadass dude.
That would have been a lot better.
That would have been so much better.
Grilla becomes aware of their conversation and sends her snowmen, including their asses,
their ass cheeks.
Sorry to eliminate them.

(37:14):
Though Callum and Jack defeat them.
The broker is iced in the scuffle.
Callum suspects that Grilla might be working with Krampus, Santa's estranged brother.
Okay.
So I don't know a lot about folklore and shit like that.
Like literally the only things that I know about Krampus are because of the Krampus movie
that came out in 2015.

(37:35):
Do you know if in folklore Krampus and Santa Claus are actually brothers or did they just
make that up for this movie?
I think they just made that up.
Okay.
Like it works.
Like I was fine with it, but I don't know if it's true or not.
Okay.
Good to know that.
Yeah, they just made it up.
So like all I've seen is, yeah, he's just the antithesis of Santa Claus.

(38:03):
Like that's the only relation.
Okay.
Where Santa basically rewards the good kids, Krampus punishes the bad.
That's the only real relation.
I hate, I love the movie Krampus, but I hate it for the reason that every other iteration
of Krampus I hate because that was like my first as an adult introduction to Krampus

(38:28):
and how he looks.
And I think he looked so bad ass in that movie that like every other iteration, even though
this one, how he looks in this movie is how he looks compared to like the folklore just
kind of looks like shit to me.
Like, I'm sorry.
I picture Krampus dressing as Santa Claus, but he's still, you know, like a goat like

(38:50):
creature, but like he has, you know, like the classic red and white suit or like in
Krampus it's like a fricking cloak.
Like fricking yeah, that's what Krampus should look like to me.
Not how fricking Krampus looks in this movie.
Dude.
This is maybe a nitpicky.
I'm looking at pictures of like the lore accurate Krampus.

(39:11):
Yeah.
You know who he looks like?
Who?
And the only reason I'm thinking about this is probably because Iris is watching the show
on Netflix right now.
He looks like the devil on Cuphead.
I've never seen Cuphead.
I mean, let me look this up.
I'm curious now.

(39:33):
Cuphead devil.
Holy shit.
He does.
Right?
Yeah.
That's funny.
Yeah.
No shit.
He really does.
Yeah.
Like the devil in Cuphead is just lore accurate Krampus.
That is hilarious.
Oh man.

(39:53):
All right.
Well, yeah, I am fully on team Krampus.
Like I still very much want to teach my kids about Krampus.
Do you want me to send you the bell so you can keep it around for Iris and Levi just
in case?
Let me explain Krampus to Iris first just to see how she handles it.

(40:19):
And then we'll play it by ear.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Oh man.
All right.
So, so Calum suspects that Grilla might be working with Krampus, Santa's estranged brother,
who is also Grilla's ex-lover and the one who created the naughty list.
Calum and Jack break into Krampus's lair but are captured.

(40:41):
Calum appeals to Krampus to help his brother who misses him, but Krampus refuses.
He reveals that Grilla came to him to recover the, I'm going to eff this up, the Glossophig,
a magical imprisoning snow globe.
Despite being allowed to leave, Jack stays and persuades Krampus to play Krampuslagen

(41:02):
with Calum, during which Jack recovers Calum's magic gauntlet and returns it to him, allowing
the pair to escape.
Grilla and her sons keep Santa in a vault that siphons his magic, knocking him unconscious.
Grilla duplicates the Glossophig and intends to rid the world of every naughty child who

(41:23):
has ever been on the naughty list by imprisoning them forever.
She tests the snow globes on Jack and his estranged son, Dylan.
She sends each of them a snow globe that imprisons them and returns to her lair.
Jack and Dylan, inside their snow globes next to each other, have a heartfelt conversation
that, by making them nicer, causes the snow globes to break and free them.

(41:44):
Zoe and Calum find Jack at the North Pole complex after using a tracker inside him.
They realize that Grilla, her team, and Santa never left the North Pole.
They also learn that Grilla's team of shapeshifters has taken over the complex.
They go to the North Pole and free the imprisoned Mrs. Claus and other security staff.
In Santa's old workshop, they find Jack and Dylan and the toy duplicating equipment that

(42:05):
Grilla used to mass produce the snow globes.
Because the North Pole equipment relies on Santa's powers, Grilla prepares to leave with
an unconscious Santa using his sleigh to distribute the snow globes.
A fight ensues and Grilla is stopped by Calum and Jack with an assist from Krampus who arrives
to help.
Santa recovers, defeats Grilla, and seals her inside one of her snow globes.

(42:30):
Santa acknowledges his brother while Grilla is taken into Zoe's custody.
Calum rapidly prepares for the night's Christmas Eve run.
Santa invites Jack and Dylan to accompany him, which they accept.
During this successful run, Calum watches Jack regain his wonder and build a relationship
with Dylan.
This convinces him not to retire.

(42:52):
The End
Oh man.
Dude, this movie was rough.
Like, listen.
Just getting straight into it.
Fair enough with the story.
Very plain Jane.
Yes, yeah, I can definitely agree with that.
And also, a little too long.

(43:14):
Very long.
Like, this could have clearly been cut down to an hour and a half.
Very easily.
Very easily.
Like, I noticed myself, I started, I had to watch this twice because the first time I
fell asleep after Krampus.
Damn.
So, this is when I fell asleep.

(43:35):
I fell asleep during the heart to heart conversation between Jack and his son.
After they broke out and they're just like, yay, we've escaped.
I was gone to the world.
And so I had to rewatch this movie to catch everything I saw, everything I missed after
that point.
Damn.

(43:56):
Yeah, and listen, I thought I was like, oh, like, because I woke up and then it was, they
were on the sleigh and Santa was delivering gifts and everything.
And I was like, oh, okay, cool.
So I mean, they seem to wrap that up pretty quick.
Nope.
I was like, shit.
I didn't realize.
Oh, I missed 40 minutes.
Yeah, no joke.
I was like, dude, I went to like, I found where the credits were and I scrolled back

(44:22):
to where it was like the end of the movie.
And I was like, all right, cool.
And I zoomed back what I thought was like maybe 15 minutes.
I was like, oh, I think that's about what I missed.
Nope.
Went back a little bit more, went back a little bit more.
I was like, good Lord.
Oh, freaking long is this movie.

(44:43):
No joke, dude.
It is so long.
And yeah, it could have been cut down very quickly or to be a little bit more reasonable.
Also, the freaking villain could have like they could have simplified this villain something
awful.
Like just like by just making it Krampus.

(45:06):
And it would have made would have made perfect sense.
Like, yeah, like, oh, Santa Claus and Krampus are brothers.
Like didn't really need that.
Yeah, it added nothing to like the the Santa Krampus lore.
Like it almost ruined it for me.
I was like, dude, are you serious?
Yeah, a little bit.

(45:28):
It also raises a lot of questions for me.
Like you know, I don't know how it comes to mythical creatures.
But who were their mother and father?
Like I'm really curious.
Like someone was sleeping with another person, right?
Like there ain't no way that they are like blood siblings, right?

(45:49):
Like maybe like half siblings.
Yeah, come on.
Santa's mom, frickin boy Satan.
But yeah, I mean, that it made no sense whatsoever.
I was expecting someone.
I don't know who I was expecting with.

(46:11):
I was like I was thinking maybe like it'd be Jack Frost or something that would have
made more sense.
Yeah, like it was just like when they said like the snow.
I'm like, who the fuzz that?
Yeah, I just not read a lot of Christmas folklore.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
Dude, frickin I like I know it's trademark from Disney, but frickin bring Martin Short

(46:34):
back and have him play Jack Frost again.
There we go.
I know, dude, that's what I was expecting.
But when he went and wrote down like her name in the sand, I was like it took me a second.
I'm like, what?
Like what does that say?
And then they started like saying, oh, Grilla, Grilla, Grilla.
And I'm like, OK, first off, can you can someone slap the shit out of him if he can't even

(46:59):
say the name?
Like I would have heard and it just knocked his ass out if it was that frickin important
that he didn't say the name.
Yeah.
But you gave him like he said it like three times.
Yeah, no, he did.
Yeah.
And then she had some like bullshit transformation and it was just like and she's revealed.

(47:23):
And I was like, no.
Yeah.
It was like make her like Jack Frost and like if you wanted it like if you wanted to frickin
gender bend it, Jackie Frost.
Yeah.
Like not that frickin hard.
Yeah, no, would have been that would have been great.
I would have loved that.
Yeah.
More snowman would have made sense.

(47:45):
Yes.
Absolutely.
Like, yeah, so dumb.
Like you're going to frickin throw in like big hitters like the frickin headless horsemen.
And then you're going to throw us Grilla the Snow Witch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
After they did that and like I was like, oh shit.

(48:07):
And you know, they say his name and all that.
I'm like, OK, like who else are they going to frickin include into this?
And because I mean, I knew Krampus was coming.
But frickin like, yeah, like literally after they do the headless horsemen, that's it.
Like, you know, you get Krampus a little more into the movie.
But like after that, you don't get anybody else cool because who the hell was this witch?

(48:27):
Yeah, no other mythological creatures like actual mythological creatures.
Yeah.
Like, I mean, yeah, you get the snowman, you get the giant polar bear dude.
But who cares?
Yeah.
Like, you know, wouldn't have been like out of place to have Jack Frost on this movie.
It would have made complete sense.
Yeah, it would have made complete sense, especially if Jack Frost like you could still have had

(48:53):
Jack Frost being on the side of Krampus.
But it was I think what what ruined it was the motivation that she had wanting to basically
punish and capture all the naughty kids.
Yo, bitch.
That's Krampus's M.O.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

(49:14):
You know, that was yeah, that was dumb.
Like you basically robbed us of Santa versus Krampus, which there is a low budget movie
of that if you ever want to watch it with how much I did Krampus.
Maybe like I said to every other design that I see of Krampus, if it's not the one from
the 2015 movie, I don't want it.
Yeah, dude.

(49:34):
It's just it's so dumb.
And what they did with the story was so lame.
There are some interesting ideas.
I feel like the whole like Santa Claus trying to get Callum to stay on and talking how you
might not see it, but you see them as adults, you see them as these naughty adults that

(49:59):
just don't have a care in the world.
They don't care about anybody else.
But if you look really close, you can still see that inner child.
That's who we're fighting for.
We're fighting for the children, whether that's someone as a child or their inner child.
And I'm not going to lie.
I liked that idea.
That was interesting.
Yeah.
The basic the building blocks were there.

(50:21):
Yeah.
And the frickin the opening I thought was actually really cool how frickin like Santa
goes to like the actual real Santa will go to a mall just to get his kind of like adrenaline
pump.
Oh, yeah.
It's like my favorite part of the job.
Oh, my gosh.
That was awesome.
I was like, that feels like that's something we've never seen from a Santa before.

(50:41):
Yeah.
Like, yeah, that was bad ass.
He likes to be the frickin mall Santa like that.
I love that.
I absolutely loved that.
And so I was pumped, dude.
I was like, this feels like a pretty bitch and Santa.
Yeah.
And it's you know, we'll get into this with acting, but it kind of sucks that Santa was

(51:06):
kidnapped the whole movie because I feel J.K. Simmons could actually be a really good Santa
if I talk about ways was given.
And she'll do seriously because frickin the ending when you know, like he's delivering
all the presents.
I love the idea that like he's dressed up in this like Santa sweatsuit like frickin like
all jazz.
And it makes complete sense because, you know, having to deliver presents to millions of

(51:29):
kids in one night, like I completely understand that he'd have to be in the best shape of
his life wearing the proper attire.
I frickin love that.
Like literally they had a blimp parked up in the sky and they would keep like making
stops for frickin like another sack of toys.
Like that's how they kept getting their supply.

(51:50):
Like there's some cool ass ideas in this movie.
It's just the sucks.
Yeah.
It was it it got to the point of being garbage.
Yeah.
Like such cool ideas introduced in Santa Claus lore.
And then the then there's the story.
Oh, man, dude.
I was pumped.
Like I love the inclusion that like the the Air Force was just kind of in on Santa being

(52:18):
real and everything.
Yeah, that was cool.
Like do it like a frickin takeoff with Santa.
Like that is totally on track with what at least what I've told Iris with Santa.
That's awesome.
I love that because like we frickin know, Rad, know Rad tracks Santa.

(52:40):
Yeah.
Like the Air Force frickin tracks Santa like come on.
Like like that totally tracks.
It's just like, oh, yeah, we can use government website to track Santa on on Christmas.
And it's just like, yeah, we work with Santa all the time.
Like you could totally like pull that shit off.

(53:01):
And I'm like, dude, this is pretty bitching.
Yeah.
I freaking love all this shit.
Like, yeah, the military is all like they know what's up with Santa.
Like he's basically like a super highly protected being like this totally frickin tracks.
And yeah, like building blocks, dude.
And it's just they couldn't execute it well enough for me to be like to care.

(53:24):
Yeah.
Honestly, after he gets kidnapped, like the movie lost me up until the ending.
Yep.
Exactly.
And I got to say, like Jack O'Malley too, didn't care for him.
No.
And that really sucks.

(53:44):
His frickin Chris Evans, it feels like he's giving it his all, like he is trying.
No, it doesn't.
I felt like a little bit, dude.
He this will be reflected in acting.
Everyone feels like they're phoning it in.
Okay.
I mean, I mean, I've seen worse performances from Chris Evans.

(54:06):
It's you know, definitely no him giving his all for Captain America.
But I don't think it was his worst performance.
It's up there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Like, listen, his performance here wasn't unwatchable.
It wasn't just horrendous.
But by Chris Evans standard, yeah, this wasn't good.

(54:27):
All right.
Fair enough.
Like, and we'll get into this get like with with Dwayne Johnson, like even he felt like
he was frickin phoning it in.
Oh, yeah.
I definitely agree with you on that one.
But no, I think I think what ruined Jack O'Malley's character, though, was how they chose to cut

(54:51):
a lot of the stuff that he was doing.
Like I think like his little Ocean's Eleven heist to get inside that that seismic watch
building thing.
I thought like the the pieces were cool, but like the way that he just kind of stood and
like stared at that baby for like a couple minutes like or just it was like a feat.

(55:13):
It was way too long that he's just staring at this baby.
And then it's just he walks off or the way that he like they have him like grabbing a
fire extinguisher walking for like five seconds and then tossing it into the bushes and then
continues walking.
I'm like, no, you could have had this, so it's just grab toss in the building like you

(55:35):
could have like iron this out, like get rid of the fluff.
They also had to add the icing on the cake of him being an asshole when he takes the
sucker from the kid.
We already get it, dude.
Yeah, like we just like this character.
We get it.
Yeah.
Well, like you already established that we shouldn't like him because this kid frickin

(55:57):
told his cousins that Santa's not real.
Yeah, like, listen, I already didn't like him.
Yeah, like simply because of that, that he tried to ruin Christmas for other kids like
I already dislike him.
You don't need to frickin add this taking bait or like candy away from babies.

(56:20):
Also those frickin snow globes, absolute dog shit of a story plot.
Oh, yeah, dude.
One hundred percent.
Yes, he had a minor breakthrough with his kid and was able to break out of them.
Go screw yourself.
Ain't no way that like just one nice little deed gets you off the naughty list.
It wasn't even that nice of a deed.

(56:40):
It was just realizing that he's shitty.
Yeah.
Maybe I should try harder.
Oh, you just got moved to the nice list.
Yeah, forget that.
And like they never established what the hell level four naughty lister means.
They did not.
Yeah, like seriously.
I'm like, oh shit, like what the hell did he do to get me on a level four?

(57:03):
Because like they even like point out like, oh, you know, from when they're like talking
about like, you know, an eye listers, they're like, you know, like from the killers to the
to the bottom, like just like throw like littering or some shit like that.
And I'm thinking, OK, so like what level are like killers at?
Like is that like a level 10 or does it go even higher than that?

(57:25):
I was like, dude, is he on the same list as like freaking like psychopaths?
Like if I cross the street without like without a crosswalk, am I put on the same list as
like Dahmer?
Yeah.
I'm shocked you didn't say Gacy.

(57:46):
Gacy was a given.
Fair enough.
Good point.
But yeah, just imagine he's he's level four and then freaking like Gacy, Bundy and Dahmer
just level five.
I'm just like, how the hell does that make sense that he's just one level below three
of the three, probably the three most notorious serial killers in in history?

(58:08):
No joke.
Like I what is the structure for this naughty list?
Yeah.
Like and also like the the lore that they set up like this is like maybe this is a writing
issue.
And help me decide on this.
Is this a writing issue?

(58:29):
They discussed that Krampus is the one that created the naughty list.
But Santa didn't like that he had created this list because he was using it to punish
children.
If that is the case, why does Santa still have the naughty list?
I agree with what you say.

(58:50):
And I think that's a writing thing.
OK.
Yeah.
Then I will dock it accordingly.
OK.
They like this was just a super plain Jane story, dude.
Like it had very little going for it.
Like it had like we said, good building blocks.
Yeah.
They did not use those blocks to their fullest potential whatsoever.

(59:14):
And it blows my mind that this is directed by the same guy that did Jumanji Welcome to
the Jungle.
Like that movie has a lot like fair.
Like I saw Caleb Shake his head.
But like I feel that that one introduces like better ideas than this.
And like like OK, wait, let me retract her.

(59:35):
Like you said, this movie has some good ideas, but just the story all in all is just not
great.
Yeah.
Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle introduces some good ideas and the story on the whole, for
the most part, is actually pretty damn solid.
True.
Like the story for yeah, for Welcome to the Jungle, very solid.
Yeah.
But yeah, I don't know why he couldn't frickin keep up with this one.

(59:59):
Yeah, I don't get it.
I am maybe as 74 when it comes to story.
Like it was I think minus the good building blocks, I'd probably be at like a 70, which
is just very like mid tier for me.
Yeah.
This is barely this is barely below, barely above average.

(01:00:24):
If that makes sense.
No it does.
Yeah.
My barely above average is like 75 or that's like my mid that might be my mid tier, very
mid is like 70.
So yeah, 74 is where I'm sitting with that.
It was no bueno.

(01:00:45):
I think I'm just gonna be a little higher than Caleb because it's definitely barely
above average.
It's it's not great.
And like we've said, like the building blocks are there.
Like you have some very interesting ideas.
It's just the story was just who we.
So I think story wise, I'm going to actually just be two points higher at a 76.

(01:01:11):
Fair enough.
All right.
Moving on over to writing.
This was kind of bullshit too.
Yeah.
Was it worse in the story or slightly better?
Maybe a hair.
Honestly, it might have been on par.
Honestly, I'd actually put it a little lower.
You would.
Yeah, honestly.

(01:01:31):
Like personally, I'm just going to get this out there right now.
Writing I'm going to give a 74.
I'm actually putting it right on the same level as my story.
So I'm also sitting at a 74.
It wasn't like it wasn't bad.
It's just they left you with more questions than answers.
They they overcomplicated it.

(01:01:54):
Something awful like, OK, fricking and I don't know.
Maybe it's just because I've seen more disturbing shit than that.
There is this scene when they're at the beach and they're fighting these snowmen and Dwayne
Johnson's character is using his contraption that he has on his wrist to keep shrinking
and to keep shrinking from how freaking dumb it was.

(01:02:18):
It was very dumb.
Like he kept going from small to big, small to big, you know, like and that's how he was
fighting these snowmen, whatever.
And also, I think it wasn't even like shrunken to Ant-Man size.
He was like maybe he went from like his full height to maybe half his height.
Yeah.
And then fricking like at the end of all of this, Chris Evans characters just say, well,
that was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.

(01:02:38):
I'm like, how?
Seriously, that that that is the most disturbing.
OK, all right, buddy.
All right.
This is this is like shitty Ant-Man.
Seriously, you I keep bringing this up.
You literally saw a saw bare ass snowmen and that was more disturbing than that.

(01:03:00):
Yeah, dude.
What about the freaking?
This is something that pissed me off when they were going through the toy store and
they were grabbing like random shit off the shelf and whatnot.
What did he grab Monopoly for?
Yeah, seriously.
Yeah, that never comes into play.

(01:03:20):
Yeah, all he does is like the only thing he grabs a bunch of shit.
He grabs like a yo yo and like a bunch of like other stuff, too.
Yeah, the only things that come into play are the rock and sock and robots and the car
that Jack grabs.
Yeah.
That's it.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, it was two cars.
Like, all he transforms is like a chicken or like a rubber chicken to our fancy car,

(01:03:49):
a truck, the snowmobile and then the rock and sock and robots.
Am I missing anything?
I don't think I'm.
No, I think that's it.
Yeah.
And so he grabs like Monopoly and I'm like, what the hell was that for?
But yeah, like, here's an issue.
Another issue that I had with the writing.
A lot of the jokes, like there were some jokes that came in way too late.

(01:04:14):
Like, didn't he talk about like, like specifically that his thing couldn't work on like certain
toys?
Like it only worked on like vehicles and stuff.
Like, I feel like he gave like a briefing of what he's capable of transforming.
I think the only thing I remember is when Chris Evans character was just saying, oh,

(01:04:36):
do you have a Wonder Woman action figure to the clerk?
He's just like, it's not how it doesn't work like that.
Yeah.
But like, he said something before that, though, that would have implied that he probably did.
But like, just they didn't really go into enough detail to explain what can be turned
into life's work.
Yeah.

(01:04:57):
But no, what got me was that they waited so long to make that joke.
F like this is how it should have gone.
Like it should have been like they go outside.
He makes the car real and then he's like, oh shit.
And then runs back inside, makes the joke.
And then like he comes back in like Cal like storms back in, grabs him, just getting some

(01:05:21):
out of the toy store versus him walking like them having had like a full blown adventure
in the souped up car.
And then him being like, yo, do you have a Wonder Woman action?
Like while they're walking through it again.
Like it's funny to say that because I swear that that's how they played it in the trailer.
It is.
That's exactly how they pull it in the trailer.

(01:05:42):
Yeah.
So like how the hell does it make more sense in the trailer?
Freaking clips that are just jumbled together more than it does in the goddamn movie.
Yeah.
Freaking bullshit.
I'm trying to think of other stupid shit like other than like, like we already discussed
the villain was written super poorly.

(01:06:02):
Like I didn't care about her at all.
I didn't either.
And like freaking I didn't really care for Krampus that much either.
Like he could have been written a lot better.
He should have been made the main villain.
He really should have.
Why are you going to go and soup someone up in a pampin freaking outfit?

(01:06:27):
Like a practical outfit just to waste them like you did.
No seriously because freaking the part where he tells Chris Evans, I'm going to I should
probably actually say their names.
Jack basically says, oh, hey, I'm telling Nick or Mrs. Claus or whatever that Callum's
now going to be my prisoner and tell him that there's consequences when you come into my

(01:06:53):
fortress or some shit like that.
And then freaking immediately.
Nick's just like, oh, hey, how about we just play you and if I win or if he wins slapping
you, what was it?
Yeah, sorry.
If we win when he slaps you, you let both of us go when he could have gone, which I

(01:07:14):
get why they wanted him to stay.
Or if you win, we become your prisoners forever.
Just like it was so fast that I'm like, bitch, how about I just eat you?
Like seriously, like you don't even get like a chance to think like, oh shit, you know,
like that's like a that's like pretty like kind of like in a way messed up to send back
to the North Pole.

(01:07:34):
Hey, your top security guard who was going to retire after this basically now has to
live the rest of his life out as one of my prisoners.
No, we're just going to give that thought for like five seconds.
Oh, hey, how about we play a game of slap the shit out of each other?
And if we win, we both walk.
But if you if you win, we are both your prisoners, not going to make those stakes at all.

(01:07:58):
Sound good.
OK, this is how it should have gone.
They should have planned all of this out before that.
Like so Callum, I think Callum should have been the one to make the the bet with with
Krampus.

(01:08:20):
I think that would have improved where he's like gambling for his own freedom.
Yeah, that would have made more sense.
And then it's it's also just like, all right, well, if you like you take me prisoner and
then you like on top of that, like bonus, you get this guy and then have Jack be like,
you know, what the hell?
And then so much better.
Yeah.
So have Callum make it have him go and talk to Jack and be like, yo, go grab my frickin

(01:08:46):
magic bracelet shit and like so I can win this and then have then it be a little bit
more obvious what Jack is doing when he's like kind of like shifting through the crowd
and whatnot and then have him like.
Keep almost getting it.
And then that's when you he gets frickin slapped like no other.

(01:09:10):
Yeah, that would have been that would have played out so much better than the bullshit
that they.
That they did.
Agreed.
I agree.
It's just bad.
It's just poorly, poorly written.
Definitely.
Oh, all right.
Moving on over to acting going through this cast list, we got Dwayne Johnson, who plays

(01:09:36):
Callum Drift.
Chris Evans, who plays Jack O'Malley.
Lucy Liu, who plays Zoe.
J.K. Simmons, who plays Jolly Old Saint Nick.
We got Bonnie Hunt, who plays Mrs. Claus.
We got Kiernan Shipka, who plays Grylla.

(01:09:57):
Christopher Hivs you.
Who plays Krampus.
I didn't realize that was him.
I didn't either.
And then we got Wesley Kimmel, who plays Dylan.
Why do I know that kid?
Is he OK?
So he's not Jimmy.
Oh, he's Jimmy Kimmel's nephew.

(01:10:19):
Oh, OK.
That makes sense.
But what else is he from?
WandaVision.
Who did he play in WandaVision?
That's a great question.
I'm looking that up right now because I don't recall him for shit.

(01:10:39):
He wasn't any of the kids, was he?
I don't think so.
Commercial boy.
OK.
Yeah.
All right.
I totally remember that role.
Yep.
There he is.
Yep.
That's him.
Breakout role there.
100%.
He's also in Mandalorian.

(01:11:01):
OK.
He's like in an episode of Mandalorian.
This kid's been in a few things.
Oh, he did the voice for Greg Heffley in Cabin Fever.
OK.
OK.
Cool.
I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had a feeling I freaking knew him.

(01:11:24):
I don't know if they could have found anyone that looks further from Chris Evans.
Seriously.
Yeah.
I never thought they were.
Dude, I was like, listen, I would maybe buy uncle.
You're not telling me this kid is his dad or this kid is his son.
Yeah.

(01:11:44):
Like what?
Tight up.
Oh, man.
All right.
What's your top three looking like?
Well, you know, the acting was not strong from literally anyone, like you pointed out.
So you know, I think number one, I'm going to actually say I know he wasn't in a lot,

(01:12:06):
but just because I had a fun time watching him every single time he was on screen.
I'm gonna give number one to J.K.
Simmons.
Dude, same.
Oh, yeah.
He and it sucks because he could actually do.
I really liked his iteration of Santa Claus.
It was a lot of fun.
It was different, which I really liked.
Way different from any other iterations I've seen.
But you know, since the story centered around him being kidnapped and his freaking magic

(01:12:30):
being used for the snow globe shit, you don't see a lot of him and it sucks.
Yeah, I.
This made me like rethink Santa in such a perfect way.
I was just like, of course, Santa's just like this skinny dude.
And the like, yeah, if he's burning that many calories in a night, like, of course he needs

(01:12:55):
freaking he needs milk and he needs freaking carbs like milk and cookies.
Like I'm like, dude, like this perfectly explains Santa.
No, literally everything that they add to the folklore or the lore of Santa.
Yeah, it makes complete sense.
And it's a welcome addition.
Loved it.
Oh, dude, it is.

(01:13:16):
His Santa was so funny, too.
I loved when he like when he took the bite of that one macaroon and it was just like
a tiny little nibble and he like put it back.
That was great.
So freaking funny, dude.
Like I loved it.
And then like his suit was freaking bitching, too.

(01:13:38):
Like and I like that his hat wasn't like a typical Santa hat.
It was like a beanie.
Yeah.
Like I was totally vibing with his with his version of Santa.
I was, too.
What did you think of the reindeer?
Because I'm not used to reindeer like towering over Santa.
What did you think of that?

(01:13:58):
Listen, magic reindeer.
I'm I was there for it.
I'm like, it did make sense.
It lined up.
Yeah.
I'm like, this tracks.
Yeah, this absolutely tracks.
And I love that he they showed the like the magic happening where it was like their antlers
glowing and then like they would.
Yeah.

(01:14:19):
Blast off.
I'm like, OK, like you guys have nailed the magic reindeer.
Yes, definitely.
Yeah.
I want to look up something first before I feel like I'm talking out of my ass.
OK, never mind.

(01:14:40):
I was going to I was going to make a comment about all of the reindeer being females.
I was like, I don't know if females grow antlers, but they just said that in reindeer, it is
the only species where the females grow antlers.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.

(01:15:00):
So it tracks.
It doesn't like at least just based off of the quick pictures I've seen, it doesn't look
like their antlers grow as like majestically.
OK.
As like the OK, never mind.
I might be talking out of my ass.
Oh, no, no, no.

(01:15:20):
Yeah.
The the female rain are their antlers are a bit smaller.
And then the male reindeers are like bigger and have kind of like like they grow out wider.
Interesting.
Where the the female antlers end up looking more like typical deer like rain or male reindeers

(01:15:41):
have kind of like that moose where like where cups.
OK, interesting.
Again, not a scientist.
I don't know.
I could be talking out of my ass for all I know.
So don't don't fact check me on that.
Just imagine DJ coming after you.
Actually, Caleb, this.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:16:02):
My same same with me.
J.K. Simmons got number one.
Oh, yeah.
It wasn't hard to beat out the main two.
Yeah.
Well, I'm trying to think what your number two is going to be.
Because, like, I mean, I feel like two and three are going to be like the main stars
of the movie.
So just I feel like I probably had like more fun watching him on screen than I did the

(01:16:27):
other.
So yeah, you know, number two, I think I'm going to give to Chris Evans.
Really?
Yeah.
And number three, I'll give to join Johnson.
Yeah, I don't know.
Just like, huh, I like, you know, like you said, Chris Evans, not his best performance.

(01:16:48):
Definitely not.
But for the most part, I did have a fun time watching him.
Like I feel that his in the rocks chemistry, like I'm sorry to say, like, wasn't there.
Like it wasn't that great.
And like one of the only times that I laughed and I think it was in the trailer was when
the Rocks character comes in.

(01:17:09):
He's just I'm not going to like you.
I already know it out of everybody in this room.
I already like you the least.
And like that's actually funny.
It's like that wasn't even scripted.
That was just Chris Evans speaking his mind.
Oh, man.

(01:17:29):
But yeah, no, like not not not his best performance, not not nothing to write home about.
But you know, for the most part, I did enjoy Chris Evans as Jack O'Malley, Dwayne Johnson.
He was he was fine in this.
He'd get number three, not his best performance, not his worst.
It's just I've seen him.
I like when he can be goofy.

(01:17:52):
I think he's better when it comes to him being able to be a little goofy.
I don't love him always having to be like full on serious, which is what he had to be
in this role, really.
Because I don't know, like if I want to see him like super serious, I'm just going to
frickin go watch old wrestling videos.
I want to see because I feel like Dwayne Johnson can actually do some comedy like we've seen

(01:18:15):
that in Jim Onjin.
And so like when Mongey frickin Central Intelligence.
Yeah, like he can do really good comedy.
But when we go back to him just being the stern kind of guy like in this or Black Adam,
like it's it's not my cup of tea.
Like I'm just I'm I like Dwayne Johnson more in comedy roles.
And so this performance wasn't bad by any means.

(01:18:36):
It wasn't horrible.
Like I feel for what this was the rock playing the rock.
Yeah, exactly.
Like for the character that he was given, which was basically the rock is an elf bodyguard.
He did fine.
But just it wasn't like anything special.
I didn't hate it.
I didn't hate his performance.
Like he definitely did basically did everything that was given to him, I guess.

(01:19:00):
He took the role and did the best that he could with it for how they wanted his role
portrayed or how they wanted this character portrayed.
So yeah, that's why I say didn't hate it, but didn't sorry, didn't hate his performance,
but didn't love it either.
Yeah, I think he took himself too seriously in this role.

(01:19:22):
I personally would have really enjoyed if he actually was like an elf.
Yeah.
And then the magic racer is what made him big.
That would have been hilarious.
Like I think that would have been so much funnier.
But then they wasted that frickin joke on the snowman.

(01:19:43):
Yeah.
But yeah, it's frickin lame.
But yeah, I'm with you.
I enjoyed Chris Evans performance way more than I appreciate or like the rocks.
But I did no one else was in the movie enough to warrant anyone else getting a number three.
Like that's really the only reason he's sitting at number three.

(01:20:06):
That's fair.
Like honestly, the only one that I would have thought and it's only because I just love
her to death.
Like I think she's a great actress.
We Bonnie Hunt as Mrs. Claus, but she wasn't in it enough.
It's solely on the fact that I just love love her not only as a person, but as an actress.
Yeah, I think this this movie's issue is it took itself too seriously.

(01:20:28):
Yeah, like seriously.
Like it just felt like such a downer.
Like frickin I think that this movie should have taken some some notes from like the Santa
Claus movies because I feel like there are some serious moments in those movies like
when it comes to, you know, North Pole security, shit like that.

(01:20:49):
But they still make it fun at the end.
Yeah, it's just one of those like so outrageous.
It's funny.
But here it was just like you had these big ass frickin military members that were the
head of or the security team for Santa and it was just it wasn't fun.

(01:21:09):
Like the security team all being all children with the Santa Claus movies.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
That was like frickin great.
Like, yeah, especially in the first one when the I forget like the team that they send
in to break out Santa Claus.
Yeah, no, it's still frickin all elves.
Yeah, like that is just frickin great.
Yeah, but like I I don't I couldn't even tell you like is he like were those little like

(01:21:37):
gremlin looking creatures?
Were those the elves?
Were those supposed to be the elves?
Dude, I have no like seriously.
Like literally, it seems all they cared about in this movie was just showcasing Santa's
security, the the security side of the North Pole and nothing else.
Like yeah, like seriously, like you never saw any like toy production.

(01:21:58):
You never saw elves doing that shit.
So like if someone told me, oh, yeah, elves don't exist in this universe.
It's only like a code name for like security.
I would have believed you because we don't see really see any elves.
I would love to know who the target audience was for this movie.
I agree.

(01:22:18):
Same here.
Like it wasn't kids.
No, it like it sure as hell wasn't adults either.
It was it was like too goofy for adults, too serious for kids.
Like was this meant for like teenagers?
Like even teenagers?

(01:22:39):
I don't know if I'd feel comfortable sending my kid to watch this movie.
Like, like it really doesn't have a demographic.
Yeah, like I think that's probably where this movie went wrong.
Is it just you don't know who it's for?
You know, speaking of this movie and who it's for, when you go into a restroom at a movie

(01:22:59):
theater, do you ever see like decals plastered on the mirrors and stuff like that?
Do you ever see that?
Sometimes, yeah.
Okay.
Because Sammy would agree with me on this one.
It has been years since I've seen a cinema do that.
But I saw decals for this movie plastered throughout the like three to four mirrors

(01:23:25):
that are in bathrooms.
Like they were just freaking everywhere.
There was that.
And usually I feel like when it comes to the concession stand, they don't have a lot of
stuff like hanging above.
No, they made sure they went all out with this movie.
And I remember them freaking hanging shit up the night that I think I went to see Bride

(01:23:46):
of Chucky.
But like the night before Halloween, there's like, oh, yeah, we got to get this shit up.
We got to make sure that we are promoting the hell out of this movie.
So it was that the freaking decals in the bathroom, like they were really trying to
push this goddamn movie.
And I don't know about you, but I don't like to think about Krampus staring at me when
I'm trying to take a leak.
Yeah, no, thank you.

(01:24:07):
But yeah, just fricking it's been years since I've seen decals in a movie theater bathroom.
So I was like, very like movie related ones.
Yeah, like, you know, like, like throwing it back to, you know, like COVID, like they're
just like, oh, you know, like, remember, we always keep your seats clean.
We will even include a a towel with you if you want to wipe your seat and table down,

(01:24:33):
you know, you know, showing like how Cinemark is practicing good health habits to prevent
COVID-19.
That made complete sense.
You know, that's completely understandable.
But and you know, I loved him for that.
But then frickin like, yeah, you just get, you know, you get Krampus, you get Nick, you
get Dwayne Johnson, you get Chris Evans just plastered all over the frickin mirror.

(01:24:55):
And it's a little weird.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Listen, no one was bringing their a game with this movie.
No, not one bit.
Like not even a little bit.
This is one like just from what I've come to expect from these actors, all of them,

(01:25:18):
like I like even listen, I don't expect anything near the 90s when it comes to Dwayne Johnson.
I don't I have not seen him in anything that makes me believe that he's capable of reaching
that number.
Fair.
The closest he's ever gotten is maybe Black Adam.

(01:25:40):
Fair enough.
But that's a hard, that's a hard maybe.
But I don't expect a lot.
And I know that this wasn't his best.
Yeah, same deal with Chris Evans.
I know he's capable of much better.
I'm not even like even taking Captain America off of his like roster.

(01:26:01):
I still would expect better from him.
Yeah, different, especially after have you ever seen Snowpiercer?
Oh, I love Snowpiercer.
Right.
So good.
That's like the immediate movie.
Besides, like you said, Captain America, that I think like, yeah, that is acting when it
comes to Chris Evans.
Yeah, straight up, dude.
That movie gets a lot of shit and it is not deserve it.

(01:26:25):
No, it is a really good movie.
Yeah, I feel like that's one that just ages good.
Definitely absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I mean, J.K.
Simmons, we know he's capable of top tier acting.
Oh my God.
Please tell me you've seen Whiplash.
Oh, of course I've seen Whiplash.

(01:26:46):
Yeah, I did freaking I watched that recently again.
Yeah, I don't know why I didn't freaking include that in weekly watches like a couple weeks
ago when I watched it again.
Whatever.
God, his freaking performance, phenomenal in that movie.
Him and Miles Teller, like bantering off each other.
I love it so much.
So good.
Yeah.
But no, he I don't even believe he brought his A game here.

(01:27:11):
All of these actors freaking phoned it in something awful.
Yeah, I agree.
It was it was rough.
Honestly, I think the only guy that was that actually put forth some like actual effort
in his performance was the guy that got frozen by the snowmen.

(01:27:32):
Nick Kroll.
Yeah.
I think he was the only one that felt like he put genuine effort that, you know, that
didn't surprise me because I feel like no matter what it is, Nick Kroll like usually
always gives his all, like doesn't matter what it is.
And you know what?
I appreciate him for that.
He's freaking awesome of them.
Doesn't matter if it's going to be dog shit.

(01:27:52):
He's like, I'm going to give this my all.
Oh my gosh, dude.
He's so good.
Have you have you watched his show Big Mouth?
Yes, I have.
Oh my gosh.
He's so good in that.
He is.
Oh God, his freaking voice acting is off the charts.
Other world.

(01:28:13):
Absolutely.
Oh my God.
He's so good.
Like there's times I can't even tell it's him.
Yeah, no, like seriously.
Yeah, but I think acting wise, dude, I'm sitting 70.
This was as mid as mid can get.
Yeah, you know, man, I'm going to match you there.
Yeah, I can't even like talk myself going up from that.

(01:28:38):
It'd be tough to.
Yeah, no, like seriously.
All right.
Next up, character development.
Listen, there were some because, you know, like when it came to the character development,
to like Callum, but that's about it.
Yeah, because like freaking like, you know, people can make the argument like, oh, what
about Jack?
He gets off the naughty list.

(01:28:58):
Yeah, barely.
All he realizes, hey, I've been a shitty father and you know, maybe I think I'm going to
try a little harder.
I think that.
Yeah, that's honestly all that happens is he just he points out that he's shitty and
then just says, I'll try to be better.
Yeah.
And then poof, not on the naughty list anymore.
Screw that.
Like, I want to see your metrics for the naughty list.

(01:29:21):
No, like seriously, because yeah, like earlier in the movie, he points out like, oh, yeah,
you know, I've his what his mom is married to an actual like good dad.
And so I've been distance distancing myself because I don't want him to be around me.
And just I think it's going to be better for him.
Like that is never the case because all your the only thing that your kid is going to think

(01:29:44):
that their actual father just abandoned them.
They're never going to think like, oh, yeah, this is for for the better.
And let's say like really truly have gotten to know you and they know the kind of person
that you are and they like have come to their conclusion that their own piece of shit.
Yeah.
Like, don't don't just assume like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's better for my kid.

(01:30:04):
No, it's not like make let your kid make that own conclusion.
Come to that own conclusion.
Yeah.
Listen, I think I might have bought this change of heart a little bit more.
Had I not seen this dude steal candy from a baby fair and then committed arson.

(01:30:25):
Yeah.
Like this dude lit a Christmas display on fire and stole candy from a child.
Dude, I was shocked that he actually paid for those churros.
I know.
Like freaking nuts, dude.
And I'm like, where is what is your moral line at?

(01:30:47):
Like, like, because those don't seem even.
No, no, they do not.
But yeah, I mean, sure.
He made a little bit of a of a change.
Cal same deal, like a little bit of a change where he just shifted from like seeing only

(01:31:08):
the naughty and then now he's seeing the inner child of people that fell out of the blue,
like his little shift.
Yeah, it did.
And it sucks because like freaking when Nick explains that to him at the beginning, you're
just like, OK, you know, that's actually like a cool idea.
I like that.
You're you're you're fighting for you're fighting for the children, whether it's someone that's

(01:31:30):
an actual child or the inner child.
I love that idea.
That's an awesome idea.
Yeah.
And that conversation should have been at the end of the movie.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah.
It was just not not good.
Not this is a tough one.
This is bare.
I don't even know if I'm in the 70s with this one.

(01:31:52):
I'm probably sitting at like a 69.
Like it was no bueno.
Yeah, that's that's fair.
You know what, I think I'm going to match you again, man.
I'm trying my hardest to push it up to 70, but I can't.
Yeah.
Here's where the movie redeems itself a little bit.
The effects weren't half bad.

(01:32:15):
They weren't.
There was some like scenes that I'm like, OK, yeah, no, I can definitely send some CGI
there.
But I like I can excuse it a little bit because of like the grandeur that they were trying
to do, like frickin when they're trying to rescue Nick, like once they find out that
he's been kidnapped and you see like Dwayne Johnson like running throughout the North

(01:32:37):
Pole, sliding down all these slides and shit like there were there were moments that I'm
like, OK, yeah, clearly that is definitely, you know, filmed on a green screen or that's
definitely not Dwayne Johnson.
That's CGI.
She like that.
But like it wasn't like super noticeable that it took me out of the scene.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, noticeable enough.

(01:32:59):
The only other like real complaint, like the snowman scene, like when he started shrinking
himself down and was like jumping all over snowman, I'm like, this is too much.
Yeah.
Very rubbery.
I will say the Rockham Sockham robots when they came to life, those are so cool.
Yeah, that was wasted.
Yeah.

(01:33:20):
Like seriously, literally not even like 30 seconds into them fighting the Krampus's
henchmen.
Krampus slaps the shit out of him.
Yeah, punches his head off.
I'm just like, really?
Like they should have had the effect that frickin the toy soldiers do in the Santa Claus
too.
Yes.

(01:33:40):
Because I don't know about you.
I mean, honestly, to this day, those still scare the shit out of me.
Yep.
I mean, I can, you know, as a kid, I can handle Michael Myers, Chucky, Freddy Krueger, Jason.
But when it came to those frickin toy soldiers in Santa Claus too, terrified, absolutely
terrified.
When they can't, when they, he frickin made them life size.

(01:34:02):
I'm like, oh hell no.
Hell to the no.
Oh man.
Yeah.
This, I mean, this wasn't like frickin Oppenheimer, but this was like, it wasn't horrible.
Like this is, this might be the higher point for me.
I haven't decided.

(01:34:23):
Like it's either going to be between effects or costumes.
That's going to be highest for me.
Fair.
Um, but effects wise, I'm probably like 84 maybe like the effects are above average.
Like I love the effect when he was, uh, when they were taking off in the sleigh.

(01:34:43):
Yeah, that was awesome.
Yeah, that looks so, so dope.
Um, I think, you know, I think I'm actually considering if I want to change that.
Yeah.
You know what?
Um, I think I'm just going to be a couple of points higher to 86.
Why not?
I'm moving on over to music.

(01:35:04):
Nothing really special here.
There was something for a Christmas movie.
Yeah.
Like you had like a couple, like, you know, classic Christmas songs, but they were like,
so shortly used.
Yeah.
Background music.
Yeah.
Felt so thrown in there that like, I can't even remember one Christmas song that they
used in this movie.

(01:35:25):
I couldn't tell you off the top of my head and I fricking watched this shit yesterday.
Yeah.
I, I, dude, I watched it today.
So that, that tells you everything that you need to know.
Yeah.
Like this is maybe a five.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, I agree.
It is such a forgettable soundtrack.

(01:35:49):
How do you mess up a Christmas movie when there is so much Christmas music at your disposal?
I know you couldn't fricking use like a badass Carol of the bells for a chase scene.
Yeah.
Like go fricking basic bitch with it for all I care.
No, like seriously.
Like come on.

(01:36:10):
Like you guys dropped the ball if you can't fricking get us to remember a Christmas movie,
like the soundtrack on a Christmas movie, like Hallmark movies, dude, Hallmark movies
are seven out of 10 music at worst.
Yeah.
Like that's, that's insane.

(01:36:32):
That is absolutely insane that you dropped the ball that ridiculously hard.
Yep.
All right, next up we got costumes.
The one area where the movie actually shined for the most part.
Okay.
For some characters, yes.
Um, Jack or so like Jack's character, any of the human characters were met very men.

(01:36:57):
Makes sense.
Like, you know, classic, classic attire.
I get it.
Uh, and then Santa Claus.
Awesome.
Yeah, no, yeah.
Like I loved his outfit felt very different from things that we've seen in the past and
I appreciated.
Yeah.
Like I love when they're able to add, add something to Santa.

(01:37:24):
Yeah.
They create almost create like a new standard for Santa.
Like, um, I remember watching this, this video about like the, just the art of being a Santa
like there's a Santa Academy.
That's like, you know that I didn't, but that's awesome.

(01:37:45):
Yeah.
There's a straight up Santa Academy where you go, you learn how to properly laugh like
Santa they teach you how to like style your beard.
And if you don't have like a beard, like they teach you how to like proper maintenance of
like your fake beards, um, maintenance on suits, um, like all this stuff.

(01:38:09):
They like, they'll even have classes on sign language.
Um, they'll teach you, they'll teach you basic phrases in different languages.
Like they want, like when you graduate from like this Santa Academy, like you are as like
as Santa as you can possibly be.

(01:38:30):
To honestly, that makes me smile so hard.
Like that is just great.
Yeah.
But they were talking like one of my favorite things that they were talking about was the
suits because this was right after the Christmas Chronicles came out on Netflix.
Like it had been out for a few months.

(01:38:52):
But they were talking about that.
And like this, this whole Santa thing, it was like a video shot, like right up shortly
after that movie had come out, but they were talking like about how Santa in a pop culture
shifts a lot and how it affects the Santas at this Academy or just like everyone.

(01:39:14):
Because they're like, yeah, like, um, like no one really had a standard for Santa.
Like our standard was like the, the, the Coca-Cola Santa Claus.
Like that was what we were all kind of shooting for.
And then the movie, the Santa Claus comes out with Tim Allen.
And then that was our standard for what Santa should look like.

(01:39:37):
Still my favorite Santa Claus.
Yeah.
Like the suit and everything.
And then they're like, and then there was no real major shifts until this movie comes
out the Christmas Chronicles.
And it's like a leather like Santa suit with like crazy fur, like leather gloves and like

(01:39:59):
it, have you seen Kurt Russell's Santa?
Yeah, I've never seen the movies, but I have seen how the suit looks.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they were like, and that became the new like standard, like of what we were aiming
for and like, and then that was like, that was the shift.
Like we shifted from Tim Allen to Kurt Russell.

(01:40:23):
And so they were talking about that.
I'm like, I'm curious to see whether this movie had a shift.
Yeah.
Or made a shift in the Santa community.
I don't want to, I want to say I doubt it because I feel like a typical like super fit
Santa isn't the standard.

(01:40:43):
Fair.
But yeah, all these guys are like elderly retirement age and whatnot.
So it's like, yeah, I highly doubt it, but love this Santa outfit.
Yes.
Looked great.
And then Callum's was okay, I guess.
Yeah, like it was, it was like a stealthy red and green suit.

(01:41:07):
A tactical red green suit.
Yeah.
I want to look at it again.
I didn't even realize it was supposed to be green.
It looked black in the movie.
Dude, that's dude.
It is dark as hell green.
Yeah.
They should have made that like the freaking promotional images, like what they should have
made it like a lot brighter green.

(01:41:28):
Yeah.
There's nothing.
What's wrong with the green being a little more vibrant?
Yeah.
And then yeah, Santa looked freaking dope.
Like I love that.
He just like looks dirty.
Like he's tactical Santa.
Yeah, straight up.
I love it.
Yeah.
I'm just, I'm just scrolling through like other pictures and like I know he has like

(01:41:49):
the sleeveless version, like the vest.
Like that looks pretty dope.
Since you know, it was a, it was actually a practical suit, even though we've talked
about it throughout the episode Krampus.
Would you think of, oh, Krampus was amazing.
Yeah.
He looked like, like you said, despite how I like, you know, a certain versions look

(01:42:13):
better, this still looked great.
Like I love this practical suit.
The freaking fur on him looked freaking great.
Just yeah, like he looks badass.
My personal favorite moment of this is when it's his turn to slap Callum.
He just like grips the side of his head and he's just like, Oh God, like that made me

(01:42:37):
laugh so hard.
Cause doesn't Callum only do it like, cause he does it like, like he puts his hand to
Krampus his face, like what, like twice?
I think he does it like three times cause he's like one, two, and then just wham, like
slap the shit.
So maybe it's twice and then he slaps him on the back.
Yeah.
Cause I thought, yeah.

(01:42:57):
Like grips his whole freaking face and he's just like, yeah, should I kill you or should
I like make like, let you live a little bit?
Like good lord.
Jack's just like, are you okay?
He's just like, no, I just got bitch slapped.
Oh man.
Yeah.
That I thought that was like the one bit of acting that came out of the rock that I actually

(01:43:19):
liked where he's just full face.
Oh God.
Across the whole freaking room.
I love that he has that red mark of, yeah.
I can face that is that's perfect.
That is absolutely perfect.
Yeah.
Um, dude, I'll be real off of all the promotional shit.

(01:43:42):
I was expecting the polar bear a little bit more.
Yeah, dude.
Seriously.
Like Garcia was only what?
Two scenes.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Was that Frank Grillo?
Really was it?
It sounded like him.
It might be.
Let me see.
Let me see the cast real quick.
Oh, what was his name?

(01:44:03):
Garcia?
Yeah.
Garcia.
Uh, let's see here.
I will say like, just cause it's, it kind of ties in the designs for the snowman's weren't
bad.
Yeah, those were pretty cool.
Like, I liked how they each had their own like thing, like one was wearing the little
like hat.
The other one was smoking a pipe.

(01:44:26):
And then you had like, you're just playing Jane snowman.
Yeah.
His name is Garcia?
Yeah.
Uh, I'm not seeing him on the cast list.
Oh, it's, I found a thing.
What thing?
So it looks like, so I found a, um, I think, yeah.

(01:44:46):
Like it doesn't, cause I just looked up red one, uh, Garcia polar bear and it did bring
up a, um, an article that, uh, says that the voice of him was Ronaldo for, for barrel for,
for barrel.

(01:45:07):
Cause it, like, it just points out like how when he was cast, he's, he thought he would
be a teaming up with doing Johnson, but he was only half right because it was, you know,
motion capture.
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
I, I found it.
Yeah.
He, yeah, he, he was put under elf agent Garcia and I'm like, what?

(01:45:28):
Okay.
I said, I know that, okay.
You know, I take back what I said.
I, they don't like talk about motion capture at all.
So I don't know if that's what they did or if it was just straight up like a CGI character
and he just voiced them.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I, I'd be surprised if they just, yeah.
They like went the extra mile for motion capture.

(01:45:49):
Like that it was just CGI.
Yeah, I doubt it.
Yeah.
Um, I don't know.
I'm probably like an eight for costumes.
I think the outfits are good, like are really good.
They look solid, like really well built.
I think they should have gone with a, with a brighter, more vibrant green for Callum's

(01:46:12):
suit because it just looked red and black and I was like, that doesn't really fit with
the tone.
But yeah, when I was looking at pictures, like it's super green, like it's fricking
like Aquaman green.
Yeah.
So yeah.
So eight.
Yep.
Yeah.
All right.
Last up, we got personal score.
Who's going first?

(01:46:33):
Who do you want to go first?
Um, I think I went last first last time.
So you want to go?
Uh, right out of the gate.
I'm like maybe a 77.
Hey, like listen, this wasn't a horrible Christmas movie.

(01:46:54):
It was like, it could have been more fun.
It could have been better written and whatnot, but I think like overall it was just, it was
plain.
It was just a very average Christmas movie.
And as much as I wanted to enjoy this more, like I, I had a decent enough time with it

(01:47:16):
for me to look on this a little bit more favorably than anything.
You know what?
77 seems high.
Dude, I was thinking that, cause that like took me back.
I'm just like, dude, am I actually going to be lower than Caleb on this one?
Dude, I'm sitting here just looking at the 77 and I'm like, that doesn't feel right.

(01:47:36):
Oh gosh.
I might be like, okay.
Average is, my average is 75.
I might be a hair below 73, 73 feels better on my, on my body.
Oh, fair.
I was like, yeah, that was the one score I was sitting here just like, dude, that, no.

(01:47:58):
Oh wow.
Okay.
All right.
Now I feel a little better about my score 73, 73.
So I'm just slightly above Caleb by one.
I'm at 74, even though I was going to be a couple of points behind him at first.
Yeah.
So, you know, like this wasn't, it was all right.

(01:48:20):
Like, you know, like it wasn't as bad as I feel like a lot of people have said it was,
it wasn't God awful.
Wasn't horrible.
It is, it is very watchable or, you know, not very watchable.
It's watchable.
There we go.
But I'm going to be honest.
I don't see myself watching this probably ever again.
Nope.

(01:48:41):
Like I had a decent enough time with it.
That's why it's getting a 74 personally.
You know, like I had a decent enough time watching Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, JK Simmons.
The acting was definitely not top notch for many of them.
But from start to finish, even though there was some stuff that could have been cut out,
it didn't need to be two hours.

(01:49:02):
It could have easily been an hour and a half.
I still had a decent enough time that I'm, I am glad that I did check it out.
Like it definitely was not a great Christmas movie.
Like I said, I probably will never watch this movie again.
It's definitely not added to my Christmas movies.
I'll watch every single year, but I'm glad that I did watch it at least once.

(01:49:24):
So personal 74.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Going through these scores real quick, starting off with story.
We ended up averaging out to a 75 writing got one point lower sitting at a 74 acting
got a little bit lower sitting at a 70 character development got lower than that sitting at

(01:49:48):
a 69.
The effects got a pretty decent bump sitting at an 85.
The music was as plain as you can possibly get.
We gave that a five out of 10.
The costumes and the character design were also pretty decent point of this movie.

(01:50:10):
So we gave this an eight out of 10.
And then our personal score ended up averaging out to a 73.5.
So with that, the final Albrose letter grade for red one has come out to a a C.
Yeah, it's deserved.
Very much deserved.

(01:50:32):
Yeah.
Any, any higher, it would have felt.
Oh dude, if it got a C plus, I would have, I would have been honestly pretty mad.
Yeah.
And listen, it's right in the middle too.
Right where it belongs.
Yeah, so our cutoff for a C is 76% on the high end and 73 on the low end.

(01:50:58):
So this is sitting at a 75.
Okay.
Which actually puts it in a three way tie.
No shit.
Yeah.
So this puts it in a three way tie with Sabin's Power Rangers.
But we put this movie on the same level as Power Rangers, a movie that is to me a hundred

(01:51:25):
times better.
I think that was one that's we other people had input.
Okay.
All right.
Uh, except that this is also on the same level as strange world, which feels very on par.
Yeah.
I would give red one a little bump, but yeah, it's definitely on the same level.

(01:51:49):
Yeah, for sure.
But yeah, so it's sitting at a 75.18%.
So that puts it below venom.
The first one.
Okay.
Yeah, fair.
It is below the rise of Skywalker.
How do you feel about that?

(01:52:11):
I would actually rather watch rise of Skywalker than then read one.
All right.
Fair.
It is below Ant-Man and the Wasp.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
All right.
It is below 2019 is the Adams family.
Yeah, I can agree with that.
And then it is below the Garfield movie.

(01:52:33):
Yeah, I think I'd rather watch the Garfield movie.
All right.
So it's going the opposite direction, it is sitting above surfs up.
Ooh, Sammy's not.
Yeah, that one is all on us too.
Oh man.
I forget.
I remember.
Um, I don't know if I told you this, I might have already, but fricking she had a work

(01:52:57):
party recently and they were having it at megaplex and she was telling me like, I really
hope that the movie they're not showing is not going to be read one turned out to be
elf.
Um, but yeah, no, I'm curious if she's checked read one out at all on a prime video.
I haven't asked her.
Um, but yes, I'm very curious how she's going to react to fricking coming in above surfs

(01:53:22):
up.
Yeah, it's also so read one is also sitting above Scoob.
Damn, we were that mean to Scoob.
I mean, it's not great.
You listen, a C movie is not horrible.
Yeah, fair enough.
Like Scoob is like, I've rewatched that a while ago.

(01:53:44):
It is a C movie.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Uh, let's see.
It's also above salt burn.
Yeah, fair.
Definitely.
Uh, it is above tenacious D and the pick of destiny.
That's a tough one.
Yeah, I might disagree with that one.
Yeah, I think that one's one where like all the individual parts were really low.

(01:54:07):
Uh, our personal score was higher.
Okay.
Makes sense.
Uh, it is above the forever purge.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
And then it is above space jam and new legacy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fair enough.
You know, speaking of the purge, like it's like, I still enjoy watching the first purge

(01:54:28):
and the forever purge, but it is definitely clear that after James DeMonaco stopped directing
them that they lost their luster a little bit.
They're, they weren't as enjoyable.
Yeah.
Just a hair.
Yeah.
Cause like fricking, I mean the, the, the purge, you know, I get, because it's basically
just a home invasion movie, but you know what?

(01:54:48):
They were just starting out and they didn't have that big of a budget, but fricking the
purge anarchy, especially the purge anarchy and the purge election year, both are like
they, they both established the rules of the purge.
Well, they dive into the lore of it very well.
Just love both of those movies, especially the purge anarchy is still my favorite purge
movie.

(01:55:08):
And it's just like the, the first purge and the forever purge do, do dive.
They do dive more into the lore of the purge, but just even though James DeMonaco stayed
on to help with writing, I think I still think he wrote the story and, or maybe, yeah, I
think he still wrote the story.
It's just him not directing them.
Like the, it, something's missing.

(01:55:29):
Sorry to go off on a tangent about the purge budgets.
I've been thinking about that recently.
I feel you.
I mean, for just from what I've watched, yeah.
Like you can definitely tell there's a vibe shift.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's where it's sitting.
I don't completely disagree.
The only one is like power Rangers definitely needs to be up a little bit more.

(01:55:52):
Yeah.
I definitely agree with that.
But that, like I said, that's one that we had other people's input.
Yeah.
So that could, that could be one that we revisit in the future and actually give it the grade
it deserves.
But yeah, anyway, you said you have nothing else to add to read one, didn't you?

(01:56:15):
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I can.
Fair.
All right.
Well, if you like this episode and you want to listen to more of us, you can find us wherever
you listen to podcasts.
We are damn near everywhere unless that service has been discontinued.
They've been canceled.
But you can see who that has been.

(01:56:35):
Yeah.
But you can find us on iTunes, iTunes.
Wow.
Apple podcast, not iTunes.
I'm sorry.
Spotify, iHeartRadio, all, all those, all those.
If you want to check out our social media, you can do so.
We are at the All Bros on Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, Facebook.

(01:56:58):
If you want to check out our website, you can find it at the All Bros chant.
No, wait, no, that's about to say our email.
I'm sorry.
Our website is tinyurl.com forward slash the All Bros.
Is it the All Bros or All Bros channel?
I always forget.
Our email?
No, our website.
Oh, our website, tiny URL, tiny URL forward slash the All Bros.

(01:57:25):
Okay, thank you.
If you want to email us, it's the All Bros.
It's at the All Bros channel at gmail.com.
There we go.
Yeah, got it.
If you want to check out our merch store where you can pick up some cool ass designs that
Caleb makes every single week, blown away every single week by what he's able to create,

(01:57:46):
you can do so at tpublic.com forward slash user forward slash the All Bros channel.
Next week or the following week, just depends on how our Christmas schedules align.
So next week's episode, we haven't decided what we're going to do.
We're going to do Sonic the Hedgehog 3, of course, but just it might come out either

(01:58:10):
the week after Christmas or the Monday after Christmas or the Monday after New Year's.
We'll see.
Yeah, so there, yeah.
So there maybe is a skipped week.
Yeah, like this.
So this one's coming out the 23rd.
So this is like right before Christmas.

(01:58:30):
So Merry Christmas, everyone.
Yes, Merry Christmas.
Happy holidays.
Yeah.
And Happy New Year if we just happen to push it or Sonic the Hedgehog.
So Sonic the Hedgehog, is it going to be the next episode or it's going to be the first
episode of the year?
Yes.
So one of the two.

(01:58:50):
It is very up in the air because our adult lives are chaos.
So yeah, if it does get pushed to the New Year, like seriously, happy holidays to everyone.
Happy New Year.
Thanks for another year of listening to us.
It's been another great year doing this podcast with Caleb and can't wait to do it all over

(01:59:15):
again in 2025.
Hell yeah.
But yeah, that's that's that's this episode.
I'm Jonathan and I'm Caleb and we will see you guys next time.
See you.
Deuces.

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