#122 - Power Struggles and the Pressure to Follow Through With Dr. Hayley Crain

In this episode, I chat with Dr. Hayley Crane about supporting autistic and ADHD learners in ways that are truly affirming and compassionate. We dive into how visual supports and predictable routines can reduce anxiety, ease transitions, and help kids feel more confident and secure throughout their day.

We also explore what to do when power struggles pop up, how to better understand the emotional fatigue that can follow a long day of navigating demands, and the importance of flexibility and connection in our interactions. Hayley and I talk about why it’s helpful to reduce verbal demands—like asking fewer questions and making more observations—and how honoring each child’s deep interests can boost engagement and build trust.

This conversation is packed with real-world strategies for educators and parents, along with gentle reminders to care for yourself as you care for your students or children. It’s all about creating supportive, responsive environments where autistic kids can thrive.

Bio:  Dr. Hayley Crain is a clinical psychologist, adjunct professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and mom of two. She blends personal lived experience with clinical expertise to support neurodivergent kids and their families through inclusive, practical strategies.

Dr. Crain holds a doctorate from The Chicago School and a master’s from Columbia University. She’s worked with top institutions across the U.S., including the CDC’s SEED study, the May Institute, Children’s Hospital Colorado, and the Waisman Center. Now back in her hometown, she runs Haven Psychology, offering neuroaffirming therapy, coaching, and assessments—always with empathy, real-life tools, and a touch of humor, informed by her own experiences with ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety.

Links: 

Dr. Hayley Crain’s website:  https://www.drhayleycrain.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/drhayleycrain/

Takeaways

• Power struggles can be minimized by picking battles wisely.

• Flexibility is crucial in supporting neurodivergent children.

• Understanding behavior as communication is key to effective support.

• Using interests can enhance engagement and learning.

• Transitions can be challenging for neurodivergent children.

• Visual supports can aid in understanding routines and transitions.

• Acknowledging a child's protest is important for their communication.

• Creating a supportive environment can reduce anxiety during transitions.

• Visual supports can be crucial for helping children transition smoothly.

• Predictable routines can create a sense of security for kids.

• An All Done Bucket is a valuable tool for ending activities.

• Repetition and visual cues are essential for memory retention in children.

• After school restraint collapse is a common experience for neurodivergent chi