123. My Life was NEVER the same | Sydney Decker

Have you been through something so life-altering that your passion is to now live as authentic & true to yourself as possible? If so, you are going to love this week's guest, Sydney Decker.

Sydney had been experiencing depression, anxiety, agoraphobia and also turbulent thoughts similar to her dad, well before he tragically took his own when she was just 20 years old. It was this event that became the catalyst for unbelievable and heart-warming change in her life. Yet, it wasn't an easy path... Sydney, like all of us had to first come to terms with her shadow-self - the parts we like to keep hidden, even from ourselves... Our inner demons.

Sydney takes us through the experience of being so finely connected with her dad that after his death she picks up the healing that he led her to but couldn't do for himself... which is what breaks her heart open. We delve into that, Ayurveda, the inner child, shadow work, and her book, Cleanse Your Energy. This is a powerful and enlightening episode!

 

 

Sydney's Bio

Sydney Decker is a brilliant and passionate Ayurveda Health Counselor, Intuitive Healer, and Lightworker. Dedicated to empowering and uplifting women, Sydney's divine purpose is to guide others towards embracing their truth and living a life of body positivity and emotional well-being. With her profound understanding of the mind-body connection, Sydney supports women in releasing emotional and mental weight that may be holding them back from experiencing true joy. Through her intuitive healing practices, she helps her clients uncover their authentic selves and step into their full power. Sydney's journey into the world of Ayurveda and intuitive healing began early in life when she realized her innate ability to perceive and assist others in their healing processes. Inspired by her own challenges with body image, Sydney became determined to transform her own relationship with her mind & body and help others do the same. As an accomplished Ayurveda Health Counselor, Sydney expertly combines the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda with her intuitive healing gifts. She offers personalized solutions that address not only physical well-being but also emotional, mental, and spiritual balance. Her clients find solace in her compassionate and non-judgmental approach as she gently guides them towards self-acceptance and body positivity. Sydney's work goes beyond traditional healing methods by incorporating her intuitive insights as a Lightworker. Her ability to tap into the universal energy allows her to offer unique and tailored guidance to her clients. She provides a safe space where women can explore their truth and unlock their untapped potential. Sydney Decker's mission is clear—to create a world where women feel empowered, liberated, and confident in their own bodies. With her unwavering commitment to helping others, Sydney shines as a beacon of light and hope for all those seeking to embrace their true selves. She is also a Podcast Host and Author of Cleanse Your Energy now available on Amazon.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
And I started to, with this grief, bebroken open to my feelings, and to my

(00:04):
heart intelligence, and to the ways inwhich my heart has been stuck, or tense,
or angry, or resentful, or whateverit is that I never could fully grasp,
even in my studies, even in my therapy.
Even in, because I had a psychologist,a psychiatrist, like, all these
things, I just, it seemed veryalmost, business oriented.

(00:27):
Whereas, when I broke open, I was
this is an experience.
You have to experiencesomething to heal, too.
You have to experience thefeelings, not just ruminate
over and over in your thoughts.
Because that won't heal you.
That won't help you.
you could logicalize everything you want.
But until you actually drop down in, andyou grieve, and you cry, and you scream, I

(00:52):
just started to allow myself to be human.
And not to compartmentalize the things
Have you been through somethingso life altering that your passion

(01:12):
is now to live as authentic andtrue to yourself as possible?
If so, you are going to love thisweek's guest on the Beautiful Side of
Grief, Sidney Decker, who, by honoringher own mind, body and spirit, hopes
to inspire others to do so as well.
Sidney had been experiencing depressionand anxiety, agoraphobia, and also

(01:36):
turbulent thoughts similar to herdad, before he tragically took his own
life when she was just 20 years old.
It was this event that becamethe catalyst for unbelievable and
heartwarming change in her life.
Yet, it wasn't an easy path.
You see, Sydney, like all of us had tofirst come to terms with her shadow self

(02:00):
the parts We like to keep hidden evenfrom ourselves our inner demons let's
see where Sydney's grief journey ledher and how she's discovered the beauty
within out of the darkness She experiencedwhich has ultimately led her from her
psychology degree to becoming a wellrespected Ayurveda health counsellor and

(02:22):
intuitive healer for her with her ownhealing business, Inner Element Wellness,
a very warm welcome to you, Sydney.
Thank you
so much for having me.
I'm honored to be guest on this podcast.
It's great to have you.
And I think we're going to exploresome things that I haven't explored
previous with other guests.

(02:43):
So I'm very excited about that.
And that's some journey you'vebeen on essentially being.
In a very, very scary place asa teen to now healing others.
So we're going to explore that.
But first I would like to hear about afavorite memory you have of your dad.

(03:06):
Oh, wow.
So my favorite memory, I mean, Ihave many, as soon as you asked
that, that started popping up.
So, two come up.
One is when me and my brother were little.
My dad was very, present and very, a verypassionate father and loved to, play.

(03:27):
and make sure that we enjoyed playing.
So, he used to get down and he, it'sfunny because we used to call him
the monster, but it was so much fun.
He would get down on all foursand, act like this little
monster and, chase after us.
But then would get us and, starttickling us and all these things.
And When I think back on that,I just used to love that.
That was like a very fun memory.

(03:48):
it just popped up.
I totally forgot about ituntil you asked that question.
And then I would say that honestly,my favorite memory was probably a
few weeks before he passed we werein the car and I found this old song,
to me it was old, and it was calledSend Me On My Way by Rusted Root.

(04:11):
And I used to just sing it and I lovedit and I was showing my dad this song
and he was like, this is one of myfavorite songs, and I had no idea.
And so me and my dad, we were onour way to dinner, just me and
him, sometimes we would go for likedinner and a movie just for fun.
and We sang that song together,and it was like one of my favorite

(04:31):
memories because we were just like inunison, dancing, singing to the song.
And to this day, I've actuallydecided that I'm not, if I do get
married, I'm not going to walk downthe aisle to the traditional song.
I'm going to walk down the aisle to thatsong because it's like, send me on my
way, So it was like a very powerful momentthat when I look back, It's become one

(04:55):
of my favorite memories, because we werelike, really in tune, we were singing,
we were dancing, and he was heavy fora while, and like, kind of dark, and
I could see his light come through inthat time, and so that's something that
I hold very close and dear to my heart,so whenever that, Song comes on, I'll
hear it and like, whenever I feel reallydark or down, like it'll just come on

(05:17):
the radio randomly or my, playlist.
And so it just really makes mefeel connected to him and like
we're in tune and in touch still.
So that's probably my favorite memory.
Oh my gosh.
That is so cool.
And I just understand that power oflistening to a song and instantly
connecting you with someone, For meeverybody knows it's Harry Styles,

(05:41):
Sign of the Times, My daughter,every time I hopped in the car
after she died, she would play that.
And it was just like, she'sjust saying, stop crying, mama.
it's meant to be, and it always liftsme when I hear of that, it's just such
a strong memory, and that, I love that,because it was a couple of weeks before he

(06:01):
passed, and so it was almost like he was,consciously or subconsciously creating
that beautiful connection with you.
Oh, gosh,
Yeah.
I agree.
yes.
There was definitelysomething ordained in there.
Yeah, wonderful.
So, you just mentioned it slightly,but were you aware in your teens
that he was facing his own mentalhealth struggles as deep as he was?

(06:27):
I think at the time, I was so cloudedby my own, that I didn't realize how
I was probably picking up a lot on hisstuff, cause me and him were very in
tune since I was a little kid, and Idon't know if you know anything about
human design, you've heard about it.
Okay.
So I'm a projector.

(06:47):
So I started to learn this later on.
And actually, I've started to really learnit in the last few years, since 2020,
and I started to apply it to my life.
And it started to make a lot ofsense to me that I was so in tune
and so plugged in to his subconsciousand to his energy as a projector.
And so I think I took on a lot of hisdarkness and I actually remember saying

(07:10):
at one point, I think I was like 9years old that to like to the universe.
I could tell he was strugglingbecause he was he struggled alcoholism
and he was, like, as a kid, Iwas very, OCD hyper fixated on.
His problems with drinking and I wouldcount the beer cans and tell my mom
how many beer cans he had last night.
And I just was very like in tune.

(07:32):
And I remember even saying to theuniverse at one point, give me some of
that darkness so he doesn't have it.
And so I could start to takesome of that away from him.
Cause I, as a child, I was very in tune,but I think when I said that, it worked.
and because I started to have a lotof, as I moved into my teenage years, a

(07:53):
lot of, Suicidal thoughts and ideationsand just really intense feelings, about
myself and the world and just feelingvery isolated and depressed and anxious.
but at the time I would say around 5thgrade, so I think, what are you like, 12,
13, like 6th grade, my dad moved acrossthe state, all the states to Arizona.

(08:20):
So I'm in Pennsylvania, I grew up inPennsylvania, and he moved to Arizona.
And so he was trying to distance himself.
So at that time I got way more caught upin my own darkness and my own feelings
that I didn't necessarily realize maybewhat he was going through at the time.
but I do remember.
Noticing the shift in the change in mychildhood, because like I said, one of the

(08:44):
memories when you asked was when he wasvery present and he was like, Christmases
were always good and all these things.
And then he actually lost his mom.
And I started to see thatreally take a toll on him.
And then as I, about seven, hisdrinking really got intense and set in.
And then nine, I asked the universe to.

(09:08):
Let me take some of that on, andthen up until literally he took his
own life, I was suicidal as well.
Were you aware at nine years oldjust what you were asking for?
That's pretty, pretty heavy.
To take on somebody else's hurt andpain and struggles at nine years old.

(09:30):
And I think it was probablyalready coded in your DNA.
And you probably just switchedit on majorly, do you think?
and also, being around it aswell, that was just like, just
waiting to happen, wasn't it?
Yeah.
looking back at everything,it all makes sense.
Especially knowing what I do nowand where the universe has taken me

(09:53):
and me being a healer and steppingforth into that, especially after
losing my dad and first starting withhealing myself and then expanding
that to helping other people to heal.
But I think at the time I didn't reallyunderstand what I was saying or what
I was asking for, but I still believethat it was meant to happen and it was
meant to be said because taught me somuch about shadow work and darkness,

(10:22):
and it really taught me how to startto set boundaries now that I am older
and after I've started to realizethat I didn't just do that for my dad.
I've done that for many people throughoutmy life, just like intuitively taking
things on because I didn't want them tosuffer struggle, but also noticing that.

(10:42):
That puts me right in the ditch withthem, so I can't necessarily help them
if I'm sitting right next to them.
I can, that's helping me understand theirexperience, but it's not, it lowers me,
and then it makes me fall off track andI have to start to basically alchemize
that darkness, which has been takingme years to recognize how I do that.

(11:04):
I believe that If someone were toask me if I would do that again, I
think I probably would knowing whatit has taught me, but I wouldn't
recommend anyone else doing that.
But as far as like my journeygoes, I think that was part of
what needed to be done for me
in my soul journey.

(11:25):
I agree with you.
I look at my own past and I just see,oh my gosh, it's like I've been through
every, every, every, possible thingyou could imagine, but each one, you
know, once I realized that it wasfor my and not to hurt me, you know,
it was happening for me, not to me.
Once I finally hooked intothat, that's when, you know,

(11:47):
it majorly started shifting.
So I understand what you're talking about,but you also mentioned that you feel
that the death of your dad was destined.
Talk to us about that.
So it's a very Interesting thing that Ican say now so like looking back on it
because I even was talking to my mom andmy aunt You And then I actually have a

(12:15):
podcast of my own, so I just revisitedthis on our podcast that we talked
on and so I'm just going to throwingthis in there right now, because it's
going to help me answer the question.
But I recently unexpectedly lostmy uncle during Christmas, and.
His son was the age thatI was when I lost my dad.

(12:36):
And so I was able to really put myselfin his shoes and show up for him the way
that I needed someone to show up for me.
And so I started to actually look ateverything that's taken place in my life.
Since my dad has passed, whichthis is why I love your podcast.
Cause it's the beautiful side of grief.

(12:56):
Cause how many people canI sit and say this to that?
It won't sound outrageous, but Istarted to realize that if my dad
had not passed the way that he didat the time that he did in the way
that he did in my life and where itwas at, I wouldn't be who I am today.
And so if you would haveasked me if I would change.

(13:19):
What has taken placeat this moment in time?
I don't think I would.
I don't think that I would havechanged anything because it's given
me a gift of finding myself andSometimes we have to hit that rock

(13:39):
bottom and that deep darkness for ourlight to break First open and expand.
And so to answer your question, Ifeel like it was either going to be,
I feel like there's a sole contract,so I feel like I can talk about that.
Right.
Okay.
So I feel like there was a,

(14:00):
yeah, I feel like there was like a solecontract because it was either going to
be him or me because we struggled withthat same darkness and I think he knew
that it had to be him because I wasthe next in the evolutionary, the DNA.
So it could have been me, but I don't,I think where he was at, and even in

(14:22):
his letter that he wrote to me, becausewith the alcoholism and struggling,
his brain wasn't working anymore.
And I don't know if he would have beenable to come through into the light, in
which he knew and trusted that I could.
And so I think that we came into thislifetime knowing that something was going
to happen, and the funny thing aboutit is, when I was a child, I used to

(14:44):
picture my wedding day and I could seeeveryone else at my wedding, but I could
never, ever picture my dad there ever.
And I would like really try reallyfocused and really push myself
to try to force to see him there.
And I never could.
And I would do this when I was verylittle and I would always ask myself,
I wonder why I can't see my dad there.

(15:05):
And I would just have this like weirdfeeling, but then I would like, let it go.
And then I would come back to tryto like, see my wedding again.
And I could see my mom and mybrother and my aunt and, but I
could never, ever see my dad there.
And even with a father daughter dance,I could never like fully envision it.
So I think that I always knewand maybe that's why I became

(15:25):
so plugged in to his darkness.
And me and him were the, I was theclosest to him until he passed too.
I lived with him for a while.
I was like always checkingin on him, calling him.
I just always knew that something probablywas going to take place, subconsciously.
And that I would act out in differentways, consciously around it.
So definitely a soul contract.

(15:47):
And I believe that we decided before wecame here, what was going to take place?
So I don't know whether you're awareor not, but, I, even before I had
my daughter, I used to have thesebizarre reactions to, teenagers dying
in car accidents, and I would neverknow why it troubled me so much, why

(16:11):
it disturbed me, why I was so like, Iused to just think I cannot possibly
imagine how a parent would feel tolose their teenager in a car accident.
Now, of course, that's howmy daughter died, wasn't it?
And when she died in a caraccident, I went, Oh my gosh.

(16:32):
So on some level I knew this wasgoing to happen and that's why
I had those strange reactions...
a bit like what you've just said
if it wasn't you, You know, itwas going to be your dad and you
just knew on a deeper level andof course where you've taken this.
I mean, you've just set your life upto be able to help and heal others.

(16:56):
So let's talk about that now, because,that was a life changing defining moment
for you when your dad took his lifeand you decided to get into psychology.
I was in college studyingpsychology before my dad passed.
I was actually about to finishup my finals in my last year.

(17:18):
And so I, my mom actually gotme interested in psychology
cause she was a counselor.
So I was very drawn to that, but I wasvery drawn to like the darkest part of
psychology, which is forensic psychology.
So kind of like understanding thatdark, which is, makes a lot of
sense even more now because I tookthat dark psychology, Carl young.

(17:39):
And now I do like shadow workat her child healing with it.
So it's I was always preparing myselfto understand what I needed to do
when I got to this place in my life.
So I started to study it becauseI wanted to first and foremost,
make sense of my own brainbecause my brain would attack me.
Like it would just be this,these dark thoughts, this

(18:00):
heaviness, these anxiety attacks.
And I did also want tounderstand what drove someone.
And what drove someone to addictionand that type of stuff too,
because that runs in my family.
So I was really just trying tomake sense of my world and my life.
And I was home on break when, actuallyit was like Easter break, I was home,

(18:25):
when my dad ended up taking his life.
So before I was alreadyinvolved in psychology.
But after he passed.
It took his life and I graduated.
I realized that, cause I'vebeen in therapy since I was 12.
I've been really like, doing myown journaling, doing all these

(18:47):
things, but for some reason I wasn'talways getting the, my brain would
feel better after talking, I guessI'll say, but I wasn't feeling any
better inside, if that makes sense.
It's I would feel like,okay, I just got that out.
But I wouldn't, nothing would last.
And so in my grief, I've neverbeen broken open the way that

(19:10):
I was in my whole entire life.
And I think that's a gift sometimeswhen grief comes and it breaks you
open, you start to realize like allthe darkness and everything that was
trapped, like your heart just opens.
And I remember just like droppingand crying out and realizing
like, something different here.

(19:30):
Like I'm different all of a sudden,like my heart is broken open.
I'm feeling all these things thatI never really felt because for so
long I was trying to heal just mybrain, like just through the mental
body, just through the talk therapy.
And so this moment really broughtme to like broke, breaking open.
And so that's when I realizedthere's more to healing.

(19:52):
Then just healing my brainand just healing my thoughts.
There's something in my heart.
my heart has an intelligence.
I started to realize, thefeelings that I was feeling.
My brain can't feel anything.
My brain can think things.
But my brain isn't feeling.
I'm feeling.
And I started to, with this grief, bebroken open to my feelings, and to my

(20:13):
heart intelligence, and to the ways inwhich my heart has been stuck, or tense,
or angry, or resentful, or whateverit is that I never could fully grasp,
even in my studies, even in my therapy.
Even in, because I had a psychologist,a psychiatrist, like, all these
things, I just, it seemed veryalmost, business oriented.

(20:36):
Whereas, like, when I broke open, I was
this is an experience.
You have to experiencesomething to heal, too.
You have to experience thefeelings, not just ruminate
over and over in your thoughts.
Because that won't heal you.
That won't help you.
It just, you could logicalizeeverything you want.

(20:57):
But until you actually drop down in, andyou grieve, and you cry, and you scream,
and you break I literally break pencils,or scream in a pillow, or run out in the
middle of the forest and drop to my knees.
I just started to allowmyself to be human.
And not to compartmentalize thethings, the healing, the way that

(21:17):
I was taught to heal my brain.
I hope I'm answering your question.
But, losing my dad helped me torealize I need to heal myself.
And that healing myself is,cause he was doing psychiatrists.
he was getting acupuncture.
He was trying to do things andfind his way through spirituality.
It just didn't click cause he wasdoing it a lot up in his brain.

(21:39):
He was trying, he wasso fixated on his brain.
and if you really think aboutit, that's what bothered him the
most because that's how he died.
it really taught me that I needto take the healing from where he
ended because he took me and hebrought me to that spiritual place.
He gave me the books.
He told me who to read.
he told me where to go, but hecould only go so far with it.

(22:02):
So I had to take that light thathe could pass along and deepen it
internally in my own experience.
So that way I could really heal it.
So I wouldn't pass it down again.
So that's where I took it into my heart.
So my heart broke open, butfor the first time in my life.
I decided that that'swhere I wanted to stay.

(22:24):
It broke me open to realize andsee a lot of things about myself.
And it's kind of like that really huge...
cause I started, I've always beenspiritual ever since I was a child.
Like I've seen angels, I've seenthings I've had prophetic dreams.
I have this light, like I was justvery loving, very kind, very caring.

(22:45):
And then at nine, like I said,I took on that darkness, and
then I started to close down.
So it broke me open to my truth again,
and that's when I knew that, okay, I'mon a journey, and I have a mission, and
now it's my turn to take this baton andsee what I can do with it, because he's
passed it down, and he's passed it on.

(23:06):
that's.
Where I decided to take itmore into learning Ayurveda.
So I got a job out of collegeright after he passed.
I was think I was like six months afterhe passed and then I graduated and I was
working with children with autism and thatwas rewarding in a sense, but it also, a

(23:27):
lot of people know doesn't pay very well.
Cause it's after school and it'slike very limited hours and stuff.
So I started to, Ask the universe.
I started talking to the universe andI started to ask, what do I need to do?
I need something else.
I want supplemental income.
I had just gone on this, magicaljourney down to Florida and stayed

(23:48):
with my aunt for a month andjust was like, we were guided.
We having all these signs and thesesynchronicities and these experiences.
And when I came back, Iwanted to carry that along.
So I was like, how can Icontinue to bring this?
Into my life.
So where do I go?
What do I do here?
So that's when I sawthat the Ayurveda center.

(24:09):
I've never even heard of AyurvedaI never even knew what it was.
I saw that they were hiring forbodywork technicians And I read
about it and immediately I hadchills which is always my sign
of go do this So and I hadjust now that i'm thinking too.
I had just had a reading with oneof my favorite spiritual Counselors

(24:29):
and she had told me that one dayYou I, it would be really great for
me to have my own healing business.
And I was like, No way.
that's never going to happen.
That's so funny that she's sayingthat not even realizing that
the universe was preparing me.
So I applied to the Ayurveda center.
I started working there and I juststarted to see people getting better by

(24:52):
body work, by self care, by herbs, bytaking time for stillness and silence.
by putting oils on their body andchanging their diet and just really
getting more in tune with who theyare and their internal elements.
And so when that took place, I was like,even had another awakening and I decided

(25:15):
to study and to go through with becomingan Ayurvedic health counselor, first
and foremost, because I was like, I needto do this for myself I need to change
something for me, so that way I cancontinue to be in this world and show up.
Because I, for the firsttime, too, I could see what
suicide did on the other side.

(25:37):
For the longest time, I was the personwho wanted to commit the suicide.
And then, this took that away from me,in the best way possible, I mean that.
Because then I got to experience whatmy mom went through what my brother
was going through what my dad's sideof the family was going through what I
was Experiencing losing him and it mademe realize I can't do that to them I

(26:01):
can't do that to my mom too cuz me andmy mom have a very close relationship
So, how can I want to be here?
How can I want to feel good and be here?
So I started practicing Ayurveda Andthat has just led me even deeper on my
journey into doing child healing work,into, starting my own business, which

(26:21):
I've been in practice since 2017 now.
it's sad because I miss mydad, you know what I'm saying?
I love him and I was even justthinking about how great it
would be to see him and hug him.
But I feel like that day that he passedopened a doorway for me to step forth
into, and I'm so glad that I did, becauseI wouldn't be who I am if I had chosen to

(26:48):
stay stuck, or to stay in the darkness,or to not heal it, and I think that's
what that beautiful side of grief is ifyou walk through it, if you go through
it, if you welcome it, And you allow itto change you, can also heal you, and
it can bring you closer to your purpose.

(27:09):
And so I really wanted to do right by mydad in that way, by finding that purpose.
And then, ultimately, itwas really just for myself.
So I hope that answers your question.
Wow, there is so much that you'vejust said that we could just go down

(27:29):
rabbit holes with because it is, look,whatever you provide to us as listeners
is perfect because I believe in thevalue of what you're saying and speaking
from that first hand experience ofbeing in that situation and then being
able to be the observer of what washappening, and I know how powerful that

(27:52):
must be now for you, for you helpingothers, to see both sides of the coin
and why you needed to experience that.
There's a flip side to all this painand heartache as well, because you
also found, gratitude and meditation.
Very, very powerful.
Do you want to just share withus how that has impacted your

(28:15):
life?
Yes, interestingly enough, a year beforemy dad took his own life, I tried to
take my own life, and I think that Iwas so in tune with my dad, now looking
back on things that as soon as he madethat choice, I started to make that.
That's how I could tellit was either me or him.

(28:37):
And so there was an intense experiencewhile I was in college, and I just, I
tried to take my own life and I was in thehospital for a while and I had this dream
where, I was talking to this counselor andwe were talking about my life and I was
starting to like laugh and to smile and tofeel gratitude because this counselor was

(29:00):
helping me to see all the good things inmy life that I wasn't able to see before
and so I remember saying to the counselorin my dream like I wanna I'm ready to live
I want to live and so the counselor waslike, okay, I'm gonna go get you water.
And then I woke up and Iwas in my hospital room.
So I wasn't actuallyever talking to anyone.

(29:21):
And so my mom, I was like,where'd the counselor guy go?
And my mom said, no, there'snever been a counselor.
It's just been me and you'vebeen asleep for hours.
And then I fell back asleep and,was healing and all these things,
but when I finally got to apositive place, I remembered that
feeling of gratitude, basically.
And this is why everything to meis ordained and everything just

(29:43):
is like a journey because I wasstarting to feel better and I
was walking around campus again.
And I went into the bookstore on campusand in the in the bookstore on campus,
I saw this book called the magic.
And I was like, wow, this is really cool.
I've heard of the secret.
And it was like, based on thesecret, it's called the magic.

(30:05):
And so I pulled it out.
I started like reading it there.
And I was like, I needto get this immediately.
Cause it was all aboutthe journey of gratitude.
It's like a 28 day journey.
And she guides you throughit and all these things.
And so I followed that book religiously.
There's meditations in there.
There's, practices in there.
And at the end of it, I was way,I was like a different person.

(30:26):
I felt so much joy in, in, mylife that I never felt before.
Not to say that I'm anywhere.
Cause now I find a lot of joy.
It was like back then I actuallycould find joy when before I could
not find any joy is what I mean.
I started to find joy and Istarted to find gratitude.
And one of the biggest things inthere that really shifted things

(30:47):
for me was, it's like 1 of the last.
exercises in the book.
It's like you, every stepyou take, you say, thank you.
So it'd be, it's like thiswalking meditation, but it's a
gratitude meditation and thathonestly changed like my life.
I don't even know how or why orexactly what it is, but that act of

(31:07):
every step and saying, thank you.
And then you take a breath and then youtake another step and you say, thank you.
Just like really grounded me downinto the earth and grounded me into my
experience and granted me into my life.
And then I started to see that I becamemore lighter and I felt lighter and my
heart was able to receive some things thatit wasn't able to see because when you

(31:30):
are in such a dark place and your mind isagainst you, you, that creates an energy.
And that energy will then attract,because this is what I learned
in Ayurveda, like attracts like.
So, if you're complaining all thetime, the universe is going to give
you more things to complain about.
Because that's the energy in which you'refocused on, and that's the energy in

(31:52):
which you're inviting into your life.
Whether it feels good ornot, on some level, you are
actually inviting it to you.
I started to finally see that differencebecause I was so dark and I would
always just kind of like complainor have these bad things happen that
continue to create bad things tocomplain about and similar experiences.

(32:13):
So I, this gratitude and thismeditation created like a space.
So it wasn't just like one badthing after another, one thought
after bad thought after another.
It created this like space of light.
And then I sat with that light andI was like, Oh, something different.
I can do something different.
So then I started to walk down adifferent path, literally in my brain.

(32:35):
I could start to see that new neuronet pathway almost when I started doing
that walking meditation with gratitude.
And so once I started doing that, Iused to tell myself, I had no friends,
blah, blah, blah, no one liked me.
All of a sudden I was getting invitedto things because I was like receiving
and people were starting to see me.

(32:56):
Differently because I was starting tofeel different, which was allowing a
different type of energy to enter intomy life and me to engage with that.
So I actually started to create,like, all of a sudden I had friends
cause I had just transferred intothe new school and all these things.
So I started to like more positiveexperiences started to happen to me.

(33:17):
With doing the practice of gratitude.
And so I actually startedto realize that gratitude.
is a magic superpower thatI have for the last 10 years
continued to utilize in my life.
And sometimes I'll fall off, butthen I'll immediately get back to it,
and things start working out for me.
Again, and it's, it literally isjust being thankful and holding that

(33:42):
feeling in my body and allowing myheart to be open to receiving it
that has changed and shifted so much.
And so I've started to bring that intomy work with my clients, helping them
to find things to be grateful for.
And I've even created like a free fiveday mini gratitude course on my website.

(34:03):
So that way.
That's my gift to the world, becausegratitude was a gift to me, and so I
don't charge for my little five daycourse because that's just gratitude.
I'm giving gratitude for gratitude,so that way people can start to
realize that power and that influence.
Once you start to get in tune withbeing thankful and grateful, even

(34:25):
for the negative, horrible things,they shift and they change, too.
And gratitude, if anything, if you takeaway anything from what I say, is to
start to practice gratitude, becauseit's literally the tool that I return
back to over and over and over again.
And it's the tool that consistentlyworks over and over again.

(34:51):
Everything you've just said resonateswith me because I also find this
powerful, powerful tools, life changingtools that I've ever Like, I kind of
knew about and you know, I foo it, youknow, yeah, gratitude, I'm grateful.
But when you actually really startto just focus on that and feel

(35:13):
it, like when you were speaking,I could feel that in my heart.
I could feel my heart responding to whatyou were saying because it connected.
knows like um, I could reallyreally feel that and it's magical.
It's magical because it's so easy to do.
It's almost too easybecause it's easy not to do.

(35:35):
Absolutely.
changes you.
like you were talking earlier, you'resaying we tend to focus on what our mind
is telling us, what our mind is doing.
Yeah.
But really, it's aboutour bodies, isn't it?

(35:56):
What our bodies are feeling, howthey're responding, because they're
the true indicator of how we feel aboutourselves, how we feel about others,
how open we are, how closed off we are.
Are you feeling lost, anxious,unsure of how to navigate the
loss of your beautiful loved one.

(36:18):
I don't know where to head next.
Yeah, I get that.
Then you may be interested inthe offering I've developed
A Letter of Hope and Aroha.
To help you find out whoyou are right here and now.
And how you can navigate that withoutbeing on that emotional roller
coaster feeling out of control.

(36:39):
That's a feeling I really dislikedafter Tahl and then Adrian died.
So I've developed an eight weeksupport program where each week you
get an email of what worked for me.
As well as other tried and true toolsto help with grief, it's a beautiful
calming, healing resource that Ithink you're really going to like.

(37:01):
And that you can use in youreveryday life to find out what
works for you and what doesn't.
And the great thing is you findyourself feeling stronger and more in
control, so you can work out what youwant life to look like going forward.
So with this sounds like somethingyou would like to check out, head
over to my website, or check outthe link in the episode notes, you're

(37:24):
looking for A Letter of Hope & Aroha
Now for somebody who's listening, who'snot aware of Inner Child Work or Shadow
Work, can you just give us an explanationof what, what that's defined as?
So I can give you my explanation
of how I

(37:44):
That would be perfect.
I view my inner child asthe purest essence of me.
So when we get born onto this planet, weare basically right directly from source.
We are these lights.
it's just You see a baby and youcan just tell and so we're just

(38:05):
these beings of pure potential.
That's all human beingsreally are It's just constant.
We're just energy of pure potentialand we can take that down a dark way
or light way whatever way we want Butwe get born into this world as these
beautiful source potential filledenergy filled beings and start to

(38:27):
engage in this reality, we get energy.
We start to learn things.
We get energy put on to us.
And so we'll start toadopt in order to fit in.
Right?
Like, if your mom wants you to bea certain way, it'll be that way.
Or if your dad wants a certain way,or if you start to be disciplined
in a certain way, or if you start toget told by certain family members,
how things are done, or you go toschool, even you want to fit in, you

(38:49):
want to become a part of your family.
So then that energy potential startsto get distorted based on what other
people's perspectives are, which is wherewe can start to close our hearts down.
Because if you're someone who has avery open heart and you want, for me,
example, I can only use me as an example.

(39:09):
When I was a child, I was so openand I was and everyone was coming to
take my light because I was so kindand I was so caring and I was so
giving and that's who I am as a being.
I am just this potential of just,like, I got to a place the other day
on my couch where I was just sayingI am love and I was born that way.
Like I was trying to teach my mom.
I would grab her by at two years old byher face and try to teach her my language

(39:34):
and try to teach her love and try to like,it's funny now because I realized that
it's a mantra that I now say to myself.
It's a Kundalini mantra.
But so I started to, I remember,When I started to do the shadow
work, when did I feel my purest self?
When did, like, where did this come from?
Where did this darkness come from?
When did I start to feel so crappy?

(39:57):
Because for so long, like my earlychildhood, from age birth to seven and a
half, I had the most magical experiences.
I could see things, I could talk tothings, I could, I felt beautiful, I
felt light, I felt these Like almostlike my hand was being held by the other

(40:20):
side like God was holding my hand Ijust felt so in tune and just I could
even remember climbing in a tree andgoing off and just like becoming a bird
and then becoming like an animallike A little chipmunk and then going
over and becoming a it was like Icould become all these things And so
when I was started to do my healingwork after my dad passed away.

(40:41):
I was like When did I feel the bestand I was brought back right to when I
was a child and I could just feel thatBeautiful light and I was like it and it
was me And so I started to realize thatthis world hardens you Because you are

(41:01):
forced a lot of times to fit into boxes.
you're, or especially basedon society, what society wants
you to do, societal structures.
cause not everywhere is a place tobecome an Ayurvedic health counselor.
You know what I mean?
Like I had to pick a routebased on what school offered.
And so we will close ourselfdown into these little boxes,

(41:22):
which then creates darkness.
And it creates us having to do both.
So this is a really good point.
Cause I was trying to talk aboutit in, when I do my shadow work.
So there's two shadows actually.
So there's the one that you want to be.
So it's I want to be a fairy magicalperson living in the woods, but society
tells me that's crazy and weird,but that creates a shadow aspect.

(41:45):
Cause in one realm I'm living andI have to Cut that part off of me.
So then it actually becomes a shadow.
Then there's darknessin which we are given.
So if we've been abused, traumatized,had painful experiences, whatever
that is, that creates another shadow.
That creates a pain darkness and bothof those causes our hearts to shut down

(42:08):
and it's in our hearts that our innerchild lives because it's our hearts and
our souls because the heart is just thepassageway to the soul and when you're
a baby and you're a child You are sodeeply connected to that soul, that
source of potential of who you are, thatgives blossom to desire in your heart.
Because our heart is what manifestsour desires, not our brain.

(42:31):
So then that will, then that'swhy children are so imaginative
because they have all these desires.
They start to fill out because theirheart starts communicating and they
start to manifest from that purposefulloving place, but then society
starts to tell you, no, you can'tdo that anymore at a certain point.
So then you have to start to create thisbox and you have to start to limit your

(42:51):
heart expansion, which then if somethingpainful happens, you actually start
to create walls, their heart walls andtheir emotional experiences that get
trapped in your body, which then limitsthat, that expansion of the heart.
So then the, it's almost like.
The light just gets smaller and the holejust gets smaller and smaller for your
desires and your heart to, to shine forth.

(43:12):
Which is like what you were talkingabout, where then the heart shuts down.
So then we, what I started to realize is,I shut my heart down, but when you close
your heart down, stop inviting thingsin, but things then can't get out either.
So then you trap your pain inside ofyou and then they would create even
more pain and more pain and more painbecause you're not open to letting things

(43:35):
go or opening into new experiences.
And then that's where the brainactually starts to go into
repetitive thought cycles.
Because if you don't allow yourheart to experience something
new, your brain will go intoprotective defensive survival mode.
And so sometimes even if I startedto realize the darkness in which my
thoughts were using was just tryingto digest the darkness of which

(43:58):
I had closed all the pain inside.
So in a weird way, I was keepingmyself safe by saying to myself,
you're in so much pain, do you wantme to take you out of this world?
And so I started to actually see how this.
This pain was trapped inside of mebased on going through Starting to see

(44:18):
how body work, like getting massages,calming the nervous system, like
literally creating that safety andthat security in my nervous system.
So I could feel like I could openup because if you're in survival
mode and you're in abusive place,you have to get through it.
You have to, your brain will shut down.
I've acted.
This is what I learnedin my psychology studies.
Your brain will shut down toget you to a place of survival.

(44:40):
And oftentimes in war stricken countriesor in abusive families, Or whatever it
is, you don't even get that opportunityto get out of survival brain because
every day there's another trauma.
So your brain just is tryingto keep you safe over and over.
You don't have time tocreate that safe space.
Or you, at least you don't believe you do.
Because sometimes you caneven create that safe space.

(45:02):
Place.
And that's what I started to realizethat when I can drop out of my brain
and into my heart and actually start toalchemize that darkness, I can turn it
into light through gratitude, throughjust creating that space and saying no
to certain things, setting boundaries,walking away from certain experiences.
So to answer, to goback, I started to just.

(45:26):
Asked myself, when was I the mostjoyful and felt the most free?
And that's when I wasbrought back to my childhood.
So then I started to doguided meditations of just.
Seeing myself as a child and then Istarted to weep and I started to cry and
I started to get all these like chillsAnd these experiences and then I started
doing Kundalini yoga Which brings a lotof breath work in and brings a lot of

(45:50):
like mudras and chanting and healingSo I would bring and I would have these
experiences of reliving painful Timesin my childhood, some dark times, and
that started to help me to see the othershadow of who I really truly wanted to be.
When I would let go of the pain shadow,I would create more space for my truth,

(46:10):
which is my desires to start manifesting.
And then I started to gain confidencein my, Adult conscious life to start a
business, to start doing these things,because that's always something that
as a child, I was making my own spells.
I was writing books.
I was drawing things.
I was wanting to be a healer.
I was going out, grabbing dandelions,creating little like herbal concoctions,

(46:31):
like trying to teach my mom, my language,like doing, I was like, I was so into
magic that at one point my mom wrote me, Iloved Harry Potter so much that I, my mom
wrote me a letter pretending that I got,I made a mailbox for outside my bedroom.
This is how
I get so imaginative.

(46:52):
And that, my mom wrote me a letterand she put it in the mailbox that I
got into this wizard master school.
And I like came running downstairsscreaming, like I'm going all these
things, I started to pack my bag.
She let me believe it for about a week,but I kept telling her, I'm really going
cause she didn't think I would take it tothis place, but I really believed this.

(47:12):
So I was like, that's where my magic is.
I was, I believed in magic somuch that I really thought I
was going away to wizard school.
Like the, no doubt in my mindthat I got into wizard school.
So I just really was like, okay.
So I started to take myself there
and I started to do the work,and I started to realize that

(47:34):
emotions get stuck in my body.
Where are they stuck?
I started to do self abhyanga, which is anAyurvedic, form of self massage, where you
apply warm herbal oils to your own body.
And I started to realize, Inever touched my body with love.
it's almost Look down upon in this world.
So I started to use affirmations andI started to apply the oil and then
I, my nervous system started to relax.

(47:57):
So then I started tohave vivid dreams again.
So then I started to be invitedback into my childhood where I
could start to do guided meditationswith my child, my inner child.
And I was brought to this space ofwhat's called, and where I take a
lot of my clients, my heart spacegarden, where I started to meet
and have experiences in my heart.
With my inner child.

(48:19):
And then I started to realize that mybrain is up here with thoughts, but
there's an actual emotional intelligencein my chest, like that's how it started.
And then I started to realize,okay, this is what I was
always in tune with as a child.
This is where my source is.
This is where my power is becausethe little bit of light I started

(48:41):
to do and bring even more of mypain and the more my heart expanded,
the more pain I could withhold.
I could withstand.
And so then I started to actually healinto that and started to see my desires
and what I truly wanted to come forth.
And then I could start toactually see my pain diminish.
And so then I realized this is thecenter of where alchemy happens.

(49:07):
This is where we need to go.
This is where the healing takes place.
We could talk about it forever.
We could be up in our brains and I wasforever, but it wasn't until I dropped
down into my heart and I started toutilize that wisdom and I started
to journal, I started to be honest.
I started to work with the moon.
I'll be honest with you about that.
New moons, full moons.

(49:28):
I started to get really realabout the people that hurt me.
I wrote them letters.
I was very open and honest, like Fyou, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Whatever I thought was like stupidlittle things of like in fifth grade.
someone put glue on my pants, likethat hurt my feelings in that time.
So I'm not going topretend that it didn't.

(49:49):
So I don't need to go knockdown on Jimmy's door and be
like, wow, you put glue on me.
Let's work this out.
I just started to let go of it from myown being my own nervous system And then
that's when I just became brighter andbrighter And I started to have people
start to say like you look differentyou're acting different Less triggers like

(50:09):
I could actually go home and be aroundmy family now my family Comes to me for
healing, so it's like before they didn'twant to be around, not to say they didn't
want to be around me, I was hard to bearound, because I was hard to be around.
So when I started to go back tothat inner child, She's now become
my best friend, and I've createdthis new voice and this new parent.

(50:31):
Inside myself where I can get throughreally hard things and I can really
show up for myself and I can createboundaries and Anytime a trigger comes
up, even though I may not have healedit all the way through I know what
to do and I don't need to freak outand I don't need to go into a dark

(50:52):
space and I Don't need to shut down.
I can actually create more space andhold myself in that love And so the
inner child work is something thatI've been guided here to help people
do Because I was such an imaginativemagical little child That for so long.
I thought I was so weird, but turns outI always Needed that to help people to

(51:17):
become that because We are just pureimagine like we are just pure imagination.
That's all we are everything that weare doing this microphone I'm talking
into was once imagined You know, meand you were once imagined by our
parents, you know what I'm saying?
everything starts as an imaginarything, and then we put work in
to bring it into this physical.

(51:38):
And Ayurveda helped me to understandthe power of manifestation, and then
the loss of my dad brought me backto my childhood, and I started to
incorporate all of these things.
And then I started to realize that onceI dealt with my fear and my pain, and
I sat with it, and I let it shatter me,I let it rock me, I let it, there's an

(52:01):
image now, I don't know if anyone's seenthis movie, but it's called The Little
Buddha, and it's with Keanu Reeves, andhe, it's about him becoming the Buddha,
and he sits in this scene in the moviewhere he's about to become the Buddha,
and he's sitting under the tree, and,the, Devil, basically, I guess I'll just
use that word, comes to him and he startsto, the illusion of fear really comes

(52:23):
and he starts to shake his tree and likethe, there's this fire and this whatever,
and he just is sitting there with it.
And he's just I know you're not real.
That's what inner child work did for me.
I went back in my, I could sit nowin a dark space and the darkness
can whisper and do all the things.
And I just know it's not realbecause I have the power within me

(52:45):
to handle whatever darkness comes.
And darkness has come!
And it just continues to be alchemized bycreating that relationship with my inner
child, going back, doing the shadow work.
And that's what I try tohelp other people to do.
That's such an incredible explanationof Inner Child Work, and I love it

(53:09):
because it I'm hoping that people whoare listening are going to really see the
value of doing this work because thesewords are out there, in, you know, we're
surrounded by them in a child work andpeople go, yeah, right, let's get back
to it you and like, they kind of mockit, but Really, what you're talking about

(53:30):
is something so, so incredibly powerfuland, and, and it's really touching
base with who we are authentically.
This is how we come back tobeing our authentic selves.
We have to actually.
Work out where that pain originated from,even if it was right from the outset.
And you know, the feeling in your bodyand, and why sometimes people who have

(53:57):
undergone so much trauma need to havethat body work done before they can even
start to make sense of it in their mind.
So, incredible incredible,work you're doing.
I really want to talk about your book,but just before we do that, can you just
explain to us how the work that you aredoing has helped you with the tragic loss

(54:21):
of your uncle, this past Christmas andthe effect on the family and how you've
been able to help them make sense of that.
Yeah, one thing that I've noticedwith the loss of my uncle is it's
bringing out, cause with any loss, andI'm sure that you're aware of it and
many people listening to this podcastare, it's that loss, then so many

(54:45):
other things start to fall apart too.
You start to like relationships.
You start to realize things, friendsthat you thought were there, aren't
there for you, family members thatyou thought were okay, aren't okay.
you just start to see allof this, like crumbling.
And this darkness starts to, there'slike a release because that being
was encapsulated in a physical body.
So both their darkness and their lightand then the relationship that you had

(55:08):
with them starts to become very apparent.
And then it's just it's soconfusing and it's so overwhelming.
And then your brain doesshut down in a certain way.
So you don't even know howto get through your day.
So doing the work that I've done, firstand foremost losing my dad helped me to be
there for certain people in my family thatI knew I needed to be there for example My

(55:28):
younger cousin like I lost my dad at 20.
He lost his dad at 19 turning 20 So I waslike I know and I have to put myself in
that shoot those shoes So I could showup for him the way that he needed to and
it created that All my inner child workand my shadow work created the emotional
capacity for me to not fall apart, togrieve in a healthy way and to be able

(55:53):
to show up for people that I needed toshow up for, like my mom and my aunt who,
cause I was their brother and then alsomy younger cousin and certain other people
in my family that needed to fall apart.
Because I remember on the phone when mymom told me that he had passed, she's I'm
so sorry, I don't know how to be therefor you right now, I don't know how, and
I said, for the first time in my life.

(56:14):
You don't need to, I'll be there for you.
So that created that capacityfor me to be able to do that.
And then I started to see nowbecause my uncle was the rock of our
family and he kept everyone safe andsecure that everyone feels unsafe
and unsecure that I was like, okay,now we're doing family shadow work.
Now we got to start to dealwith our own pain because he was

(56:36):
always the one that I got it.
I'll take care of it.
I'll do this.
And I started to see There's alreadya blessing in this because we all
have to now take responsibility insome way or another for ourselves,
for our hearts and for what it isthat we need to do to come together.
So it started to show like familydynamics that we needed to clear up
because there's some triggers in there.

(56:56):
It started to show just ways inwhich we need to be more towards
the light and to not get caughtup in the drama of things, which.
Doing my own shadow work has helped meto be able to hold space and to point
some things out to certain people inmyself through this in a very loving way.
You know what I'm saying before it wouldhave come across maybe not so loving.

(57:18):
granted, there are certain peoplethat I had to say, get away from me,
but I did that also in a loving way.
It just really was a testament to, causewhen you do this work and you're on the
spiritual path and you, your ego canalways come in and say, I'm healed and
I'm good and I got this and I'm perfect.

(57:38):
And then you get another brought toanother moment of just pure raw ness.
And then that's when you haveto decide who you really are.
And so that's one thing thatI decided I am going to be
who I said I am to my clients.
Because if I tell them to do thisinner child work, and I tell them
to do all these things, and thenhere I go right back to it, no.

(58:01):
So it created so much morecapacity for me to hold my grief.
For me to know now, and I've healedthrough it in a very different way
because I'm 30 now, versus when I was20, so I did, when I was 20, go out
with my friends, try to forget about it.
This time I'm taking it on veryconsciously, and I'm going out into the

(58:21):
woods, and I'm talking to the trees,and I'm going out into nature, and I'm
walking, and I'm finding ways to regulatemy nervous system, and I'm talking
out loud to him, to my uncle, and I'mallowing myself to forget about it.
Yell and scream and cry but in a healthyway like away from not secluded away from
people But in a way that people don'tneed to interact with me if I'm in that

(58:43):
space and I'm starting to become softerand kinder and To set boundaries and to
let people be more authentic and honest.
Like people are like, youwant to go do this or this?
And I'm saying, no, I don'thave the capacity for that.
And then also, for example, I don't knowif she'll want me saying this, but my mom
just called me having a breakdown today.
I was able to listen.

(59:05):
I was able to really hold that space.
And like I said, allow peoplein my life who need me.
To hold that space, I can do that.
And I not get lost in it, too.
So it's been a There isso much pain and grief.

(59:26):
But there's also so much beauty.
Like I said, this is why I love thatyou call it this because I've learned
more about my love for these peoplethat have passed away to, because that's
really all it is, is just that love.
And sometimes even when you are having themost joyful moment in your life, you cry.
And it feels almost painful,because there's a fine line

(59:49):
between that love and that pain.
And grief makes you walk that together.
it makes that hand in hand.
So one minute I'm laughing at howmuch I loved him, the next minute
I'm crying at, but cry laughing,crying at how much the pain was.
So it's like this fine line, and itjust has helped me to realize that I
don't need to do anything other thanallow the process, and to know that

(01:00:15):
to keep my heart open, and that thelove is always there, and that I can
utilize the love for myself to do moreself love, and I can be open to that
person, because they're never truly gone.
To me, in my opinion, they're alwayscoming through songs some other way.
And instead of closing my heart down tothey're gone now, what was me the drama of

(01:00:37):
it, I start to ask the universe to show mein which, where they're going to be next.
So that way my heart stays opento them in the ways in which
they've given to me in my life.
So I can continue to grow because as longas we're embodied, we're supposed to grow.
As long as we're here in this planet,we're supposed to do something.
It doesn't have to be a job or a career.

(01:00:58):
I'm just saying we're here for something.
for a purpose.
Sydney, that is so beautiful.
Honestly, you're just touching myheart over and over again with what
you're saying you know what, I get you.
I understand what you'resaying so, so well.
And I guess what scares a lot of peoplewhen they have such a big loss in their

(01:01:21):
lives is that they don't realize that withthat loss, with that grief of losing that
very treasured person from their life,is that Pandora's box flies open, the lid
flies open and everything else in theirlife seems to come up to the surface.
So they're not just dealing with thatspecific loss of their loved one.

(01:01:46):
They are having to face everything else.
And, you know, once you realize.
That this is so much bigger, this isyour life story you're dealing with,
then it is an opportunity to thensort of say, okay, need some strategies
here and what's going to work So, sograteful you're bringing all of this up.

(01:02:09):
Up and out into the open so peoplecan understand you've written a
book, cleanse your energy book.
Tell us what that's about.
And there's a journal that goes with it as
well.
So basically cleanse your energyis just a very practical guide.
It's a short little book that includesseven ways for you to get in tune with
your energy to understand how energygets stored in your body, emotions get

(01:02:34):
stored in your body and how there isan actual way to utilize self care.
To start to shift and change yournervous system and to change the
energy in which you're holding.
Kind of what I was explainingabout with the inner child work.
So there are certain things, like if yougo into a tub of cold water, you're going

(01:02:54):
to become cold because that's the energythat's you're saturated in that coldness.
And so you're going to be shivering andeverything's going to seem like it's cold.
And then if you go into ahot tub, Now you're hot.
That's the energy inwhich you're swimming in.
So everything's going to seemhot and everything's going to be
like, have a different perspectivefrom based on different energies.

(01:03:15):
And so based on experiences that wehave, we saturate ourselves with specific
energies, especially if we come from acertain type of family, if we come from
painful past experiences, if we've beentold something over and over, and there's
different levels of energy on this planet.
Like if you walk into.
A dive bar, right?

(01:03:38):
You're going to tell thatthere's a different energy.
There's going to be a certaintype of person in that place, and
it's going to attract a certainlevel of experiences versus if you
go to, the high end, hotel bar.
There's going to be a differenttype of energy, a different type
of ambience, a different type ofperson will be attracted to that.
So basically, I just try to helppeople to realize that your energy,

(01:04:01):
you do have control over it.
And that you can cleanse it, andyou can choose in which, what energy
you're going to hold in your body.
And Ayurveda really helped me tosee this based on the elements
and what like attracts like.
If I'm angry, grumpy, and upset,who am I going to want to be around
angry, grumpy, and upset people.
If I'm feeling joyful and lighter and.

(01:04:22):
Wanting to go and travel the world,I'm going to want to be around
people who are joyful, lighter,and want to travel the world.
So, you can start to just notice thisin yourself of which, if every day you
wake up and you have this heavinessor this depression that you're,
you need to cleanse your energy.
Because some of that is goingto be built up past experiences,
built up past pain, whatever it is.

(01:04:44):
And so I didn't want to create abook that's super woo woo, where
people are like, that's not for me.
Because cleansing your energyis literally for everyone.
Because you are an energetic being.
If you break down yourselves, andScience is showing us this more and more.
We are just pure potential.
Our atoms are just pureempty space of potential.
And that is energy.
And certain energies, like Isaid, get stuck, and we need

(01:05:06):
to know how to move them out.
So if you don't want to necessarily go andpay thousands and thousands of dollars to
someone to cleanse your energy, You canstart in small ways at home, which is what
I did, which is taking cleansing baths,using certain herbs, such as like sage
is one of them, palo santo, like using,that's something that I also realized too.

(01:05:27):
We are sacred beings and our sacrednesshave been taken away from us in
so many ways, we'll We make fun oflike rituals like that when there's
actually like a sacredness to usthat we've forgotten our rituals.
And then we don't recognize thatspiritual relationship that we have
with our own self, which is just.

(01:05:47):
it's not like a, it's a verypractical, I try to lay it all out.
I also talk about breath, andhow we're always breathing
things in, through our senses.
You walk into an environment and somethingsmells bad, you start to feel gross and
ugly, and you want to get out of there.
And then if you go somewhere and somethingsmells good, you want to be there.
that's an energy that will influenceour mood, and that will influence

(01:06:07):
our things, and sometimes we'lltrap certain things in our body.
Without giving away all of theways, I put seven ways in there.
There's meditation.
I do talk about the power of intention.
Intention is very importantwhen cleansing your energy.
I talk about how trauma and paincan get built up into your body.
And then I talk about gratitude.

(01:06:27):
put that a lot in there too.
So it's just very easy, verystraightforward, simple.
And then I have an accompanyingjournal to take you more into
doing the inner child shadow work.
So that's a 21 day journal,has affirmations in it.
It has a release page where every day youget to release from your day of a painful
experience, past, if you got cut offin traffic, write it down, I was angry.

(01:06:49):
It gives you a place to release,which I've, I did the journal myself
and that was so helpful because ifwe don't know, we can get things out.
We'll trap it and in our bodies.
And then that actually causes stagnationin our energy and close their heart.
And then we create thoughtsbased on our closed heart about.
Certain things and then we'll continueto attract those things and then

(01:07:10):
it gets stuck into this dark cycle.
So I do a release page.
Then there's just like a, guidance page,like a question to take you into a deeper
place, whether it's that childhood oreven how to set self care practices.
Like I really just ask some deepquestions that you can like really open
into to get to know yourself again.
And then there's gratitude.

(01:07:30):
So then you also, you startwith releasing, you start with
investigating, and then you tieit all together with gratitude.
And then that's every day for 21 days,and then 21 days creates a habit.
And by the end of the 21 days, you shouldhave a new level of energy in which
you can build upon and attract from.
And then you'll start to realize, okay, mylife is a little bit more in my control.

(01:07:54):
I do have a say in how I show up, andwho shows up, and how I set boundaries.
And I, on any point, I can cleansethis experience so I don't have
to carry it and hold it forever.
The
Oh, beautiful.
And you also have a quizin there, don't you?
That people can work out where they'reat with their energy on the scale.

(01:08:15):
that's really really super helpful.
I love those.
I love that you've combined thejournal with it too, so that people
can just take it to that nextstep if they're ready to do that.
That is so great.
Hey, we're going to finish up.
We've just had such apowerful conversation.
I am so grateful to you andyour experiences and your

(01:08:36):
wisdom and your knowledge.
It's just been truly a blessing to haveyou talk about all of these things.
So let's finish up with whatis the Best thing that has
happened to you so far today.
best thing that has happened to me sofar today would be being able to have the

(01:08:57):
emotional capacity in this space to holdfor my mom as she was grieving today.
That shows me my growth and shows methe level of safety in which she now
has with me when before, in the past,even ten years ago, she wouldn't even
feel comfortable sharing that way.
that was probably the bestthing that's happened.

(01:09:20):
Yeah.
So that's actually transformed yourrelationship and in a beautiful way.
So rather than her being themother and having that mother
role, you be, great friends nowsharing and supporting each other.
That's beautiful.
I love that.
What is something thatyou are most grateful for?

(01:09:41):
I am most grateful for my awakeningto self because in my journey back to
my heart, Because if it were not forthat, I wouldn't be able to have so
many more positive experiences or havethe clients that I have or have the

(01:10:01):
business that I have or have the deepconnection that I've created with my mom
and my aunt or even started my podcast.
So everything has come from that journeyof having the courage to go to my heart.
Oh, you're making me tear up again,honestly, done that several times
when you've been talking, I've justfelt my eyes just going, Oh my gosh,

(01:10:24):
so in tune with what you're saying.
So what's your go to when you have momentsin your day that are not going so well,
and we have an expression here, when theyturn to custard, what is what do you do
to pivot yourself out of those moments?
So I think physically, if I feelreally overwhelmed, I'll go into
the woods and I'll go for a walk andI'll start to commune with nature.

(01:10:47):
But in moments where that's notpossible, where I don't have a
lot of time to spend, I surrender.
So I give a moment to just say,I don't understand why this is
happening, but I know that you do.
And I really have a really bigrelationship with God in my life, and

(01:11:09):
it's not the God that maybe everyone has.
It's my own internal God and myown relationship with the universe.
But I do believe that something isguiding me and keeping me protected.
And so I say, little me can't handle it.
So I'm handing it over to you.
And sometimes literally the sun will getbrighter and shine on me or something like

(01:11:31):
a bird will fly by or something like that.
And I just surrender.
That's so wonderful becausewe don't often realize what a
huge team we have backing us.
Like we think sometimes we'reall alone, but we're never alone.
We just need to do exactly whatyou said, reach out and ask.

(01:11:53):
And not always understand,but just surrender to it and
just say, Hey, take this over.
It's too much for me at thismoment, or I don't get it.
But you know, like the differencewhen you that is like, I do that in
my life all the time now and like,things just don't upset me anymore.
Like even when I was going awayfor the weekend, my car wouldn't

(01:12:15):
go past 60 and I just went, okay.
So I did a U turn, went to the mechanicand there was a guy there that could
have a look at it and he got it fixed.
He put it on the computer and blewout or burnt out one of the filters.
And I was off on my trip again.
Oh my gosh.
Now, if I got really upset and whyis this happening and all that, that

(01:12:37):
would have been a completely differentoutcome, but I got everything I needed.
And yeah, that's how it works, isn't
huh.
I
Sydney, part, any, any partingmessages you would like to
leave with our listeners?
I mean, you've already provided somuch, but maybe there's something
else you just want to leave

(01:12:58):
our listeners with.
really just want to encouragepeople to have faith and trust in
their hearts and to not be afraidto go to that space because it's
in that space that I am alwaysreborn and I always get what I need.
And yeah, there's feeling there.
But that's what we are.
We are big, huge feelers as human beings.

(01:13:18):
And so guarantee that if youtake that journey into your heart
space, you will not regret it.
And you will feel more empoweredand you will feel more authentic.
And so just having the courageto walk through that shadow, that
valley of shadow, whatever that,
that prayer is that always comes

(01:13:40):
up,
you will be met with light.
And so that's what I wouldleave as my last little piece of
wisdom is to go into your heart.
There's so many beautifulgifts there waiting for you.
Sydney, you are so beautiful.
I love that.
I just want to thank you so muchfor, being so open with us about your

(01:14:03):
incredible journey with your dad howyou've grown from that and even with
and and losing your uncle tragicallyjust recently and the beauty come from
from that, you know, throughout yourwhole journey, the inner child work,
the shadow work, all of so so valuable

(01:14:26):
to understand, and I'm gratefulfor you sharing that with us today.
And I wish you all the very, very bestwith your business in element wellness.
We're going to have all thelinks in the episode notes.
So if anybody wants to go and findyou, they can just link to there.
We'll also have the links to yourbook and that journal as well.

(01:14:47):
And, uh, your website where you that,five day mini gratitude course that
people can go and check out as well.
So Sydney, you rock girlfriend.
thank you, so very, very
And thank you, I just wantto say for having me on here,
it's part of my healing.
So I'm just very grateful for this spacethat you've created and you're just

(01:15:08):
a lovely, lovely, lovely human being.
And I'm so grateful that you are alsobeing willing to go into your heart and
to do this work and it's going to make abig difference in so many people's lives.
So seriously, thank you for this.