May 29, 2024 • 61 mins
Can you imagine how you would cope if your only child KNEW they were going to die, and you were only 27?
On The Beautiful Side of Grief today I get to speak to Amber's incredible mum, Patti DiMiceli who went through this with Amber at the tender age of 41/2.
Amber was not afraid.
She even picked out the clothes she wanted to wear to Heaven
The story of how Patti and Amber prepared for this event - which she describes it as a Miracle, will bring tears to your eyes - so make sure you have some tissues handy before listening!
How Patti viewed this event is also profound - it is one that has elevated and sustained her, and many others around the world, since Amber's death.
This is a beautiful conversation with a lady I consider an Angel herself with all the incredible work she is doing to ease the pain of others and bring light into their world.
(This is Part 1. Part 2 where we explore the many tools and resources Patti uses in helping others, will feature in Season 7).
Patti's Bio
Born in the City of Angels (LA, California) at the Queen of Angels Hospital, Patti knew she was chosen at an early age, though she didn’t know why. And then she discovered a small lump behind her daughter, Amber’s ear, in August of 1979. It was a discovery that would change her life, her destiny, and the world. Her story, chronicled in Amber’s book, Embrace the Angel, challenges the notion of death and invites us to harness the power of “Crossing the Threshold” to enrich the lives of others…to transform this world for the better. Using the tools, skills, and talents given to her by The Divine, Patti created Tobias & Co. LLC, a company devoted to elevating others, offering hope and inspiration to the bereaved and critically ill, and sharing her unique creations that delight the senses, soothe the soul, and lift the spirit.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So this is the coolest thing ever andit's not just me .It's me and Amber
(00:04):
because I'm living, here to live a legacy.
So anyway, I keep these with me.
It's a little blue pouch, whereverI go and if I'm in the market,
I'll if I feel led I'll just say,Oh, I have something for you.
And then I'll say I'm a pebblethrower in the still pond of
life, and these are my pebbles.
(00:24):
So I'll say choose one for yourselfand one for someone you love.
It's the coolest thing.
So these are our littleembrace the angel cards.
I'm not selling anything with it.
I just, it's a messagefrom the angels, right?
And on the back is a guardian angelcoin, little pewter coin with a word.
(00:46):
There's five words.
So then I'll say to them,okay, so choose one.
So peel off your pebble and let'ssee what your special word is.
Helen, these tiny little cardsand coins have just changed lives.
I've been doing it about 15 years now.
And people have dropped to thefloor uncontrollably crying.
(01:11):
And most of them arelike, oh, can I hug you?
And I'm like, embrace the angel.
Come on.
And it's been absolutely phenomenal.
Just to give one tiny little coin thatI throw into the still pond of life,
not knowing where these ripples go.
And I started doing a choose one foryourself and one for someone you love
(01:34):
because now they're pebble throwers.
Can you imagine how you would copeif you knew your only child was
going to die and you were only 27.
(01:55):
On the beautiful side of grief today, Iget to speak to Amber's incredible mom,
Patti
DiMiceli, who went through this with Amberat the tender age of four and a half.
Amber was not afraid.
She even picked out the clothesshe wanted to wear to heaven.
The story of how Patti and Amber preparedfor this event, what she describes as a
(02:16):
miracle, will bring tears to your eyes,so make sure you have some tissues handy.
How Patti viewed thisevent is also profound.
It is one that has elevated andsustained her and many others
around the world since her death.
I already feel that this is going to beone incredible and inspiring episode.
(02:37):
We will delve into the book that Pattichanneled from Amber, which helped
to understand why Amber was here onearth and what happens when we die.
Now, Patti herself is an earth angelwith so many angelic connections.
She was born in the City of Angels,LA at the Queen of Angels Hospital
(02:58):
and describes herself as chosen.
Patti is a life coach, an end of lifedoula, a grief educator and coach, an
inspirational entrepreneur, activist,author, and teacher who lives in her tiny
mobile home, Angelina, which she tows withLarry, her Ford F 250 Lariat Super Duty.
(03:19):
I don't know about you, but I'mexcited to hear this incredible
story from a beautiful soul.
who touched my heart fromthe moment we connected.
So a very warm welcome to you,
.Gosh, thank you, Helen.
From across the world even, right?
I know.
So
how we're connected.
(03:40):
it's your evening, I understand.
Is that correct?
Around about five o'clock where you are?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's nine a.
m.
my morning the next day.
And I wanted to also add an additionalwelcome to our two beautiful angels,
Amber and Tal, because I know that theyare here with us in this interview.
(04:04):
Their beautiful energy, I can feel themboth, and yep, and I'm sure they're going
to influence this a wee bit as well.
Now, there is so much rich informationthat you share, Patti, that it was
really difficult for me to decide whatto, dig and delve into in this episode.
(04:25):
But firstly, I think the correctstarting place is to hear about this
beautiful little angel who enteredyour life and stole your heart.
Can you share with us yourtime Earthside with Amber?
Desperately wanted her and I actuallyknow the moment that she was created and
(04:50):
conceived and the pregnancy was good.
I worked up until the daybefore she was delivered.
Her birth was pretty horrific.
They, Basically tried to drug me upand then pull her out of me because
the doctor had a golf appointment.
(05:11):
So it was pretty awful, but, it, whenshe came out, it was very interesting
because on her first picture, she wasvery swollen because it was traumatic
for her, but her hand is like righthere, which is where the tumor started.
Very interesting.
But what I did do is, I realizedthat we all, through Amber, I
(05:37):
realized this, we all have a preverbal memory of being in the womb.
And being born, however we came,I remember being in the womb.
I remember coming out andit was pretty painful.
But I was mindful ofthat when Amber was born.
And, her father, Michael and I, welived in Whittier, California.
(05:59):
As you mentioned, I grew up inCalifornia and, just treasured
every moment that I was with her.
I had a premonition that Iwould die before Amber was six.
And so I documented everything.
Movies, audio, drawings, everysingle scrap of paper she touched.
And so I wanted her toknow me after I died.
(06:23):
And so we ended up coming, Michaelwas from Connecticut, so we ended
up when Amber was about 10 monthsold, moving back to Connecticut and
we lived in the country, and I usedto go walking with her in the woods.
I'd put her in a backpack andwe'd pack a lunch and sit under
the pine trees in the winter.
And it was such a beautiful time tojust share life, just the simple life.
(06:47):
Unfortunately, Michael was veryabusive, and one time, when we were
in Connecticut and he was beatingme and I looked down and Amber was,
like, right there at my side and herlittle face was, she was so terrified
and when I looked at her, I saw me.
(07:08):
I saw my childhood because itwas extremely abusive and I said,
I won't put her through that.
So I ended up leaving Michael.
We took a train to GrandCentral Station and then a
Greyhound bus out to California.
And, I was homeless for a while with her.
My brother and sister in law, asked usto come live with them, which we did.
(07:31):
And it was just a beautiful, simple time.
I'm an artist, a graphic artist as well.
And so I created these paintings and Iliterally, pounded the pavement, selling
these things so we could make a living.
And it was difficult, but I knew thatjust the things that we were going
through on earth, paled in comparisonto the reason that we were together and
(07:55):
that we were here, I didn't know why
I
honestly didn't, but Ijust had this sense that.
This was very powerful.
So we ended up coming back to Connecticut.
We took a really neat, we took a trainfrom Pasadena to Grand Central Station.
I had purchased a bike in thethrift shop for 10, but the
(08:17):
bike seat on the back for Amber.
So I got, I brought that,I had a wooden suitcase.
We landed at grandcentral, during rush hour.
So it was like, Oh my gosh.
But she was a great traveler.
I actually have a movie of thewhole trip across country with her.
We found a little.
studio apartment, next to my friend,Jan, and, I cleaned houses and I found
(08:42):
a, job at Waterbury Lock in downtownMilford, Connecticut, on the green.
It was a factory, and it waswintertime, so I didn't have a car.
I had the bicycle.
So I would put Amber on the back ofthe bicycle and, make her like a
little papoose, all like snugly warm.
And we would ride through thesnow and I would drop her off at
daycare and go to work, and it was abeautiful life that we had together.
(09:07):
It was.
Compared to many people, it probablywould be like poor, perhaps destitute.
But we found so many thingsto do with each other.
And it was a beautiful life.
yeah, so I ended up, I wanted tofind a better job so that I could
get a better place for Amber andI, but we ended up homeless again.
(09:27):
I had bought a small, Volkswagenstation wagon, and we ended up
living in that for a while, andI really did want to get ahead.
And so I wrote a letter to thenewspaper saying, I'm trying to raise
my daughter I just need a better job.
I don't want to have to be homeless, andI don't want to go back to California.
So this woman, Sue Kelly, wecalled her Bambi, she had a
(09:49):
room for rent for 25 a week.
So Amber and I lived with Bambiand she, Bambi had three sons die.
And I remember Amber was my world.
I was a single mom.
And I remember Bambi, Iremember looking at her.
And she was laughing andlaughing with so much joy.
And I would think to myself, Oh myGod, if Amber ever died, I would die.
(10:14):
Certainly.
And, now that I'm on the other side ofthe death of my daughter, I know now where
that joy comes from and it comes from her.
So in August of 79, I had found a jobin construction and it paid 8 an hour.
(10:36):
I was like, Oh my gosh, thisis the most I've ever made.
And so I was one woman and 350 men on acommercial job in New Haven, Connecticut.
And so I.
Would pick Amber up fromdaycare and then we'd come home.
And I remember it was a hot summer night.
It was August of 79 and I wasstroking her hair, just telling her
stories and putting her to sleep.
(10:57):
And she was laying on her tummy.
And I remember stroking her hair andright behind her right ear, I pulled
back her hair and I saw a lump.
And my first thoughtwas, Oh my God, cancer.
I didn't even know kids got cancer.
This was 79.
and then I heard, it's notyou who will die, it's Amber.
(11:23):
And so for the next eight months,I went to eight different doctors
all over the state of Connecticut,trying to convince them to biopsy it.
And they would say things like,you're her mom, you're not a doctor.
And lots of kids getlots of lumps and bumps.
And I would say, how doyou know it's not cancer?
And they're like, we don't wantto put her under anesthesia.
(11:45):
So it went back and forth.
Amber fell, and hit it on afireplace, the tumor, and I rushed
her into the hospital and theyoperated the next day and I was
like, are you sure it's not cancer?
No, it couldn't possibly be.
And so they excised the tumor,and they found a few cancer
(12:05):
cells in her spinal fluid.
But no other cancer anywhere in her body.
And so they were sayingchemotherapy, surgery and radiation.
I'm a single mom, but I waspretty intuitive at the time.
And I still am.
And I just said, wow, they gave her, Iallowed him to give her radiation, but I
didn't want him to give her chemotherapy.
There was a lot of children beingtaken away from their parents
(12:27):
because they wouldn't givethem chemotherapy at the time.
They were in the newspapers and such.
So I was dubious about the chemotherapybecause it was just at the cusp.
It was just starting off chemotherapy.
So I, when Amber was discharged,I went to the New Haven
Register and made a public plea.
(12:47):
Is there any other cancertherapies around the world?
And the Associated Press picked up onit, and, I started fielding, it was
before computers, so I started fieldinglike telegrams and phone calls, and
I documented everything, just tryingto make sense, what do I do next?
So an angel, BarbaraNewington, actually found Dr.
(13:10):
Lawrence Burton, who is one of thefounders of immunotherapy, and he
had, he was, exiled, if you will.
They wouldn't let him practiceimmunotherapy here in the U.
S., so they said you haveto, you can't practice here.
So he ended up at Freeport, Bahamas.
He set up an immunotherapy clinic.
Barbara paid for us to go there.
Dr.
(13:30):
Burton, did the entiretherapy for free for Amber.
Two weeks after we arrived inFreeport at his clinic, Dr.
Burton was on 60 Minutes, andthat was a Sunday night, and on
a Monday morning, when I went tothe clinic, the line was literally
around the block and down the road.
People from all over the world werecoming to see, this was their last hope.
(13:55):
Anyway, I helped out at the clinic.
I, the therapy consisted of pullingOr drawing blood, and then measuring
certain protein fractions, partof your immune system, and then
from good donated blood, Dr.
Burton would make up those proteinfractions so that your own immune
system could fight the cancer.
So I drew Amber's blood.
(14:17):
And then took it on the bicycle.
I had a little blood rack on the backand drove it to the clinic and then
got little one CC syringes and hadto give them every hour, to her.
So I put, a little, and then it turnedout I ended up like going to different
apartment complexes, pulling the bloodof many cancer patients because there
(14:40):
wasn't, you couldn't stay at the clinic.
So you had to stay in a hotel.
Yeah, so I did that.
We, the therapy worked, theimmunotherapy, 'cause there was
a small metastasis that started togrow and then she got tonsillitis and
her immune system couldn't keep up.
Dr.
Burton paid for us to go up toMontreal to a hospital there to
(15:01):
see if they could save her life.
David Stewart, who owns hospitalsin Montreal, paid for everything
and she was off the therapy for.
about a week.
And during that time, then themetastasis doubled in size.
So we had to find a surgeon toremove, debulk what they could
so that we could use the therapy.
(15:23):
But because we were in the mediaand on TV and in the newspapers and
politically, we were, like a hot potato.
We couldn't find anybodyto help us in the U.
S.
So Bernie Siegel, he was,he's a surgeon in New Haven.
He offered to take Amberand treat her as his own.
And, he's a maverick, so he wasn't,he didn't care what other people
(15:46):
thought in the medical establishment.
So we flew home and admitted her to St.
Raphael's in New Haven.
and tried to save herlife, but, they couldn't.
So I went down to the chapeland I just heard, let Amber
come to me, let her come home.
(16:07):
I was standing in the gift shopwhile she was doing her last test.
And I heard, and when I say heard, Idon't mean like a voice, there were
words, but I think there were my words,but it was like something in my head,
but I was standing in line gettingsomething for Amber and I heard turn
around and I turned around and therewas a big rack of keys, big golden keys,
(16:34):
and the words, give this to Amber, andtell her it's the key to heaven so when
she dies, she can open the golden gates.
Here it is right here,I keep it next to me.
Oh,
Isn't that beautiful?
is beautiful and powerful and,
home.
I gave her, I made her a rainbow room.
She always wanted a rainbow room.
(16:54):
Bernie helped us help her with, usingspontaneous drawings that he uses with
his patients, his cancer patients.
And we were able to learn a lotabout living and about dying.
We made the best of the last,she's lived about another month.
But, Yeah, she, as you mentioned,she chose the clothes that she
wanted to go to heaven in and, shewent into a coma on my, just
(17:19):
after midnight on my 27th birthday.
And, my second husband, Gary, hewas with me, we brought her down.
She wanted to die at home.
And, we brought her and Iactually recorded everything.
I took photographs and recorded it.
And, again, I'm not surewhy I did this at the time.
I kept a journal, too, andtook a lot of photographs.
(17:41):
But, again, I didn't have any reasons.
So As I'm telling her, Amber, thank youso much for showing me what love is.
You have the best buns in town.
And I was telling her everysingle thing I wanted her to know.
Even though she was in a coma,tears started to come down her eyes.
And I wiped them away, and Irealized she wasn't afraid to die.
(18:07):
Most children are not afraid.
I've never met a childthat's afraid to die.
Most children are not.
But then I continued to talk a wholebunch of tears came down and I realized
that she wasn't afraid to die, butshe was afraid to leave me behind.
And when I said, I'll be okay,Amber, go now be with God.
(18:27):
Be with God, Amber.
When I said those exact words,she stopped breathing, and I
physically felt her leave her body.
It was like goosebumps times a million.
My whole body was buzzing.
I physically, and it was, it came, shecame right through my body and back
into the light, and then dispersed.
(18:51):
Two things before she died, she said manythings, and I recorded everything, I'm
writing another book, but She said, Mom,I know I'm here to help a lot of people.
And the other thing she said before shedied, she said, Mom, when I die, I'll
still be Amber, I'll just be different.
So at the exact moment that she crossed,left her body, I physically felt her
(19:15):
leave, and she's, she didn't go anywhere.
Like she said, she simply changed.
I, this was so unexpected.
I thought, when I wrote in my journal,that what I would do when Amber
died, I would fall on the ground,I would be inconsolable, it would be
the worst thing in my entire life.
(19:36):
And it was the exact opposite.
It was like, I was gifted amiracle of physically feeling
her presence, her spirit.
So I have an audio recordingof it, of this moment.
Had I not recorded it, I probably justwould have passed into history or memory.
(19:58):
But I transcribed it for, Embracethe Angel, which is her book.
And I'm so glad I did because thismiracle about what happens after
our bodies die, we just change.
I didn't lose a daughter.
She's always been here.
(20:19):
And I'm blessed.
I'm now, and it's been 40, gosh, 43plus years, I'm now living Amber's
legacy of helping a lot of people.
And I cannot tell you howincredibly blessed I feel.
I'm, there was many times whereI was feeling very unworthy
(20:45):
God, come on, I'm so human.
Why me?
And then I heard, that's exactly why you.
So I came to realize that I'man angel in a human cloak.
And when my body dies, Ijust removed the cloak.
(21:06):
Wow.
Oh, I knew this would be so powerfulwhen you shared it because there's
so much wrapped up in there.
And the thing that I probably want todraw out is that all through this journey,
there were these amazing people that keptshowing up at the right time for you, at
(21:29):
the right time for Amber, to allow youguys to, go on this journey together.
Prior to her transitioning and thatin itself is incredible, like just
to have those people show up when youwere in those circumstances and just
facilitate, what needed to happen next.
(21:51):
so that shows me just how special you are.
To be so open to allowthat to come through.
Also, the incredible energy of Amber,the wisdom and the insights at four
and a half year old, an old soul.
The thing that struck me though, was thatwhen you just explained about her energy
(22:17):
coming into you, when she transitioned,I remember, Tahl coming into me, I
just knew with every cell in my body
that's something that happened.
Every cell.
I knew it.
I didn't know what had happened.
I didn't know where she was.
I didn't know anything, but I knew andthat's the same sort of feeling, isn't it?
(22:39):
And that I think allows us to havea different perspective on grief.
So share with us now how youdealt with the aftermath of that
Once she transitioned, you knew shestill was there in a different energy,
(23:00):
but how did you get through that time?
And what sort of things helpedyou the most to get back on track?
Because you're still going toexperience grief, aren't you?
HeY, yeah.
Yeah, very interesting.
So the moment was incredibly miraculous.
So it was opposite of what Ihad written in the journal.
(23:21):
But because we couldn't find anybody tocome to the house to pronounce her dead,
after she died, like Bernie couldn'tcome because he may be in surgery.
I couldn't get the ambulance,
I couldn't get anybody to come.
So Bernie said, just take her body, put itin the back of your car and drive to St.
Raphael's and I'll havesomebody meet you there.
(23:42):
We did, we put her body in the back.
It looked like she was sleeping basically.
And I drove on I 95 from myhome to New Haven, to St.
Raphael's.
But before I got to the hospital,I heard pull over, take a picture
of Amber, people need to see dead.
(24:04):
So believe me, even saying thisnow, when I, explain this.
It's even I am like, what?
So I did, I pulled over alittle abandoned seven 11.
I pulled over and I took my camera,
I walked to the back of the station wagon.
I opened up the back and I took a picture.
I closed it.
(24:24):
I got back in.
I drove to the hospital.
They brought a stretcher out.
They were waiting for us.
They brought a stretcher out.
We went to the main entrance and Iput her body on the stretcher and then
wheeled her through these big doors.
And when the doors parted, there waslike a lot of people waiting, probably
over a hundred people waiting becausethey had followed us through the media.
(24:47):
And they, and Berniehad called the hospital.
So they were, they came to see Amber.
So we went into the, theemergency area, a small room.
And I remember she was dead.
I remember the tumor was so big.
It was it was like the sizeof, it was very big, it was
like the size of a grapefruit.
(25:09):
There was as much insideof her head as out.
So I literally watchedcancer eat her alive.
Normally it's inside and you can't see it.
So I looked at the tumor and I justtook the tumor and I just shook it,
and it was like, soft and sickening,and at that very moment, my hatred
(25:33):
and rage for cancer came to the fore,and I was like, I didn't know it.
I knew some of the feelings wegot the notice that the caretaker
was there, undertaker rather.
And so we wheeled her down into thebowels of the hospital and in these
(25:54):
dark hallways and down at the end wasthe undertaker with a black body bag.
So I went over, I picked her upand put her in the black body bag.
And before I zipped itup, I kissed her lips.
And at that time, at thatmoment, I literally left my
body and was watching the scene.
(26:18):
And then I zipped upthe bag and he took her.
From that point on, it took a fewdays for that miracle to, to, the
glory of it to dissipate, if you will.
But then I spent the next few yearsbasically just advocating for people
that have been touched by cancer.
I did that.
(26:38):
I did some vigils around the white house.
Did a lot of TV, radio and media, justtrying to get people to prevent cancer.
Cause chemicals cause cancer and,chemical companies and lots of
other, pollution and all that stuff.
But that's what causes cancerchemicals and our immune systems
(27:00):
inability to fend off their effects.
So I spent a lot of time.
I had a nonprofit Amber's Alliance.
I went into DC, Washington, DC,and worked with the National Cancer
Institute, interviewed the head ofthe national cancer Institute, really
felt that I needed to speak forthe people that have been touched.
So I spent many yearsdoing that advocacy work.
(27:24):
My anger and rage became replaced, butrather it was replaced by incredible love
and kindness and empathy and gentleness.
I'm still like cancer is horrible, itreally is but I think that by Being more
(27:49):
loving towards people and sharing thelight rather than the darkness, I consider
myself a light worker, as you are, Helen.
I, now, I've just, I worka lot with Brave Parents.
I'm a moderator for DavidKessler's Tender Hearts group.
And, yeah.
(28:09):
What can I do now to elevate others?
And how can I share Amber's legacyof light and laughter and hope?
And so that's what I do now.
I mean It's a beautiful thing.
I, yeah, I really love it.
I don't think you get achoice in this either, do you?
(28:31):
It's just like you are taken on thisjourney, it's like me with my podcast I
have mentioned previously that I was ata point where I nearly gave it up because
I had so much ass going on and it waslike the universe swept in and I, there
was no way, no, you're not giving it up.
(28:52):
And, it cleared the way and allowed mesome breathing space and then just to
look at it with a different perspective.
And then I realized.
The work that I'm doing is valuable.
And sometimes we don't realizehow it is touching others,
how it is impacting others.
But, you want a much bigger scale becauseI'm just a little fish in the ocean.
(29:15):
But, I just feel like we'vebeen drawn on this mission.
Are you feeling lost, anxious,unsure of how to navigate the
loss of your beautiful loved one.
I don't know where to head next.
Yeah, I get that.
Then you may be interested in A Letterof Hope and Aroha to help you find
out who you are right here and now.
(29:37):
And how you can navigate that withoutbeing on that emotional roller
coaster, feeling out of control.
That's a feeling I really dislikedafter Tahl and then Adrian died.
So I've developed an eight weeksupport program where each week you
get an email of what worked for me.
As well as other tried and true toolsto help with grief, it's a beautiful
(30:01):
calming, mean healing resource thatI think you're really going to like.
And that you can use in youreveryday life to find out what
works for you and what doesn't.
And the great thing is you findyourself feeling stronger and more in
control, so you can work out what youwant life to look like going forward.
(30:21):
So with this sounds like somethingyou would like to check out, head
over to my website, or check outthe link in the episode notes, you're
looking for A Letter of Hope & Aroha.
Did you know that you had these,spiritual skills of, intuition, of
(30:41):
a clair audience of, channeling.
I did.
I definitely did.
and it's taken me many years toactually say this stuff out loud.
Good.
Believe you me.
Now I'm proud.
So I knew, like I mentionedearlier, I chose my parents.
(31:05):
They were horrific parents, bythe way, and they prepared me
for what I was about to endure.
So I chose my parents.
I remember being in the womb.
I remember being born.
It was excruciatingly painful.
And I believe that most humans do, allhumans have memory of being born, but they
(31:26):
don't yet have the emotional or the skillsof language, but you, it's so visceral.
So I knew from a tinything that I was chosen.
I were all chosen, I believe.
We all have a life taskand a life lesson to learn.
(31:47):
But I knew it.
And I remember my mom, I, she wasstanding at the sink doing some dishes.
And I was probably, I didn'tquite reach the counter yet.
So I must've been like three.
And I remember her lookingdown at me and saying, What do
you think you're going to do?
Change the world?
And I looked up and I'm like, yes.
(32:09):
And I believed it with all my heart.
Yes.
And there were many timeswhere, I knew I was an angel.
I just knew it.
I could speak with God.
I had the angels around me.
I had visions.
I had visitations.
It was, pretty miraculous.
But because
marriages by narcissists, they triedto beat it out of me, literally,
(32:35):
tried to beat that knowing out.
And I simply couldn't, I justcouldn't allow that to happen.
Because
this is why I'm here on earth.
Those difficult situations,
I like that you say that they prepareus, because I believe the same.
(32:58):
I endured a childhood that, was,it was pretty traumatic for me,
being highly sensitive in a familythat, nope, nobody else was.
And, never fitting in andfeeling really abandoned and
all of those sorts of feelings.
And then when I reached an adult,I had that sort of perception
that, okay, this is for a reason.
(33:20):
This has made you stronger.
And then enduring all thethings that happened since.
I think it is those situations, and asharsh as they are, and as horrible and
tragic as they are, they do prepareus, don't they, for losing a child,
in particular, because, I think bythe time I lost Tahl, I was open,
(33:47):
opened up to being able to see thatthere was more to this experience.
That there was more to hertragically dying, and that led
me on this incredible journey.
And you knew before then, you knew youhad these beautiful gifts and were chosen
and that, Oh, gosh, where do we go nExt?
(34:09):
How did that lead you into all that?
Oh, no, go ahead.
No.
You go.
I was just going to say, you have metsome incredible people in your journey,
like really, Pivotal people in the griefworld and who are doing beautiful work,
like you mentioned, DavidKessler, and Bernie Siegel.
Oh, my gosh, a maverick sendingout on his own advocating.
(34:32):
Those are incredible people whohave high profile and you seem
to just attract these people.
Share with us what that's beenlike for you and how that has
enabled you to help others.
I think I'm so with you.
I'm as human as they come.
(34:53):
And I just stand in awe.
Like I, I have the client,I do a lot of grief work.
So I have clients and I have aclient who's 96 and she's been
asking me to bring my book in.
I see her a couple hours a week.
So I brought Embrace the Angel.
I think, yeah, I got a copy here.
So here's Amber's book.
So as I'm showing her, there's alot of photographs, cause I tried
(35:18):
to tell the story with photographs.
And as I'm showing Minnibel, thephotographs, I'm like, that's my life.
That's, it's so unbelievable really.
So I had sent, I've done somework with Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
And so I had sent Elizabeth the draft,the first draft, and she had made some
(35:40):
notes and then I sent her the final copyand she actually reviewed this book.
And one of the things she said, and thisis one of the things that keeps me going.
She goes, I just discoveredEmbrace the Angel.
I read it through andthrough all over again.
It's very beautiful and very touching.
Especially, especially the dreamsand her courage and wisdom.
(36:05):
You need to share this with theworld for Amber and Chad and all
the many parents who need to know.
Wow.
Those words coming from Elizabeth
teaches me that I need to share this.
I can't stay, holed up in mytiny home licking my wounds.
(36:31):
Yeah.
Sothat's one of the things.
So what I've come to do, which I love,I have a company which is Tobias & Co.
and creatures like gargoyles.
And then I put them on just silk,satin ties and scarves and pillows.
(36:53):
So like I have a Naval Academycollection and a Tuscany collection.
And what I decided to do is to doan embrace the angel collection.
So I took photographs of angelsfrom around the world and put
them onto silk ties and scarves.
And then I collected drawings ofangels from children around the world
and put them onto silk satin pillows.
(37:14):
So we have, Tobias and Companyhas, a giving back division
that we call Embrace the Angel.
So for everyone purchased, we donateone of these Embrace the Angel scarves,
ties, and pillows to Somebody who'sgrieving or dying, to elevate them.
So we have two now we have an embracethe angel pillow and we have Grace's
(37:35):
angels, this little nine year old, girl,Grace collected a hundred drawings
from for sick kids around the world.
So she, so now we have Grace's angelspillow and it's got a bunch of, I injected
little, words of like elevation and joy.
Yeah, so that's one thing we do.
(37:56):
We donate these to people because I neededto feel that elevation and inspiration.
Anyway, it's a really cool thing.
The other thing that I love, love, loveto do, and you alluded to it earlier
about, you just don't ever reallyknow where those ripples go, people.
You don't really know.
Let me see where it is.
(38:17):
I have...
so I call myself a pebble thrower
Oh, I love
the school
too.
pond of life.
So this is the coolest thing ever andit's not just me It's me and Amber
because I'm living, here to live a legacy.
So anyway, I keep these with me.
It's a little blue pouch, whereverI go and if I'm in the market,
(38:39):
I'll if I feel led I'll just say,Oh, I have something for you.
And then I'll say I'm a pebblethrower in the still pond of
life, and these are my pebbles.
So I'll say choose one for yourselfand one for someone you love.
It's the coolest thing.
So these are our littleembrace the angel cards.
(39:00):
I'm not selling anything with it.
I just, it's a messagefrom the angels, right?
And on the back is a guardian angelcoin, little pewter coin with a word.
There's five words.
So then I'll say to them,okay, so choose one.
So peel off your pebble and let'ssee what your special word is.
(39:21):
Helen, these tiny little cardsand coins have just changed lives.
I've been doing it about 15 years now.
And people have dropped to thefloor uncontrollably crying.
And most of them arelike, oh, can I hug you?
Yes.
And I'm like, embrace the angel.
(39:43):
Come on.
And it's been absolutely phenomenal.
Just to give one tiny little coin thatI throw into the still pond of life,
not knowing where these ripples go.
And I started doing a choose one foryourself and one for someone you love
because now they're pebble throwers.
Yes.
(40:05):
And it's so cool.
Oh, that's the best story ever.
That's it.
To me, giving is such a powerfulform that just transforms your life.
when you're able to give, to others,and it doesn't need to be anything big,
it can be just like you say, you givethat guardian angel to somebody, and
(40:29):
it just transforms their life, it opensthem up, it cracks them open, and it's,
it can be your time, it can be justsitting there listening to somebody
share their story, it doesn't matterhow you give, but it's the giving.
And that just manifestsmore love, doesn't it?
And, oh, I don't know about you, youcan meet all these fabulous people like
(40:50):
Elizabeth and David and, Bernie andall of those, but when you're in the
marketplace and you see the reactionof that complete stranger from the gift
that you've given them, I don't know,but that really, tugs on my heartstrings.
Just you sharing about it.
Yeah.
I love it.
(41:11):
And like you, I see people and I admirepeople that, are in the public eye
that have accomplished a lot of thiNgs.
I see them as human just like me.
They burp, they sleep,they cry, they get angry.
And I've been honored to, to knowpeople, but you are so right,
(41:32):
People in the market, people on the bus.
I take a shuttle bus to work people.
Just people, everyday peopleand these tiny little coins,
how they've changed lives.
Or even the EmbraceAngels stuff, the pillows.
I get, I'll get a word of some childwith cancer and I'll ship a pillow.
(41:54):
And I'll get a photographof this child, right?
No hair, just huggingwith a big huge smile.
Hugging Grace's angels.
fantastic.
beautiful.
How beautiful.
And there's a cool 45second audio that Grace,
I listened to that.
Yes.
(42:14):
Yes.
What did you think?
Oh, beautiful.
What a gorgeous wee girl she is.
To just want to do something so powerfuland get her school on board and, have the
back end of her mom and just transformingtheir lives with those pillows.
Isn't that cool?
Yes.
Grace came up with the idea.
Now we're working on our thirdpillow called Animal Angels.
(42:38):
So I'm going to put somethings up on embracetheangel.
com.
But by the way, you can listenfor those in your audience that
want to hear one of our wise ones,because I think our children are
the wise ones, talk about angels.
It's amazing.
It's right on the homepageof Embrace the Angel.
And you can also get a free.
(42:59):
Ebook, a free PDF.
You can get it on Amazon, butalso, you can get a free PDF.
Embrace the Angel.
It's exciting times we're in nowtoo, because I feel the energy
is shifting and like you say, youcouldn't talk about your, you, your
skills that you have to communicate,with those on the other side.
Now you can.
(43:20):
Now it's more open.
Now there is more.
I hope we're doing a lot toshift how people deal with grief.
But most importantly,let's talk about it more.
Let's just know that's going to bea reality at some stage or another.
And let's just have those beautifulconversations before, with our loved ones.
(43:42):
And I think that's whatyou're facilitating so much.
Like a lot of us are having to go througha cancer journeys with our loved ones.
And that is so heartbreaking.
It just seems so prevalent and sucha, what's a word, a scourge on our
society that so many are afflicted.
But let's talk now aboutsomething, because I think this
(44:05):
is lovely, this really struck me.
You liken grief to an injury, Patti.
And I like your analogy around this.
So can you just share that with us?
For any of us who have ever beenchildren who have fallen down and
scraped their knees, it's painful andit's bloody sometimes and it hurts
(44:30):
for a long time and then it scabsover and that even hurts sometimes.
And then the scab falls off or youpick it off and it bleeds again.
So you got to wait longer.
So if you liken it to grief, you just pickthat scab off and it bleeds some more.
But eventually.
It does scar,
And that's what we're left with.
(44:51):
We're left with a scar.
And I always find it such a beautifulthing when you can actually not
be repulsed by somebody's scar,but actually kiss that scar and
treasure how that came to bE.
yeah, I do see grief that way.
(45:12):
It never goes away.
I don't believe it ever goes away.
But I do think that It can heal.
You'll never be the same.
You'll always have that scar tissue, butif you can find another human or even
yourself and just be tender and lovingand compassionate, and we all need that,
(45:33):
I talked about earlier about, rememberbeing born and as we all do, and I also.
I believe that when they cut that cordto life, really, the umbilical cord,
for the rest of our lives, we spend,sometimes conscious, sometimes not,
(45:55):
we spend our time trying to reconnect.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
I do think that if we realize that wewere cut from life, but life not only
existed in the womb, it exists in anotherdimension that we don't see with our eyes.
(46:23):
It's like the wind.
Like you, this other dimensionthat I'm talking about.
There's many.
There's you know, threedimensions, 4, 5, 6, 7.
There's many dimensions that wedon't see, but it's like the wind.
How do you know that there is windwhere you see the results of it?
You feel the effects of it, right?
(46:45):
So yeah, there's a whole, there's awhole galaxy, there's a whole universe
beyond what we see with our eyesand our senses, our physical senses.
Yeah, it's allowing us to open up to that.
What is the most profound insight thatAmber channeled and who brought to you?
(47:12):
I think I had mentioned it earlier about.
Mom, when I die, I'll still be Amber.
I'll just be different.
So for me, my responsibilitywas to stay open, just to feel
that difference, to know thedifference, to live that difference.
(47:33):
Not to close off my heart in grief andpain and anguish, because if I closed
my heart off, she couldn't get in.
So I had to keep it open.
It was, that was the hardest thing Ithink in my personal journey through
grief is, yeah, not closing up becausethat's, you want to go in the corner
(47:56):
like an animal and just lick your wounds
hunker down.
Yeah.
hurt.
Yeah.
So yeah, all of us are angels,but there are people in this world
who have chosen, it's an actualchoice, they've chosen the dark.
And I love him, Mr.
(48:17):
Rogers says, in an emergency,always look for the helpers.
So I choose to look for the lightworkers.
And I'm aligning with so manyother light workers in this world.
There's so many of us, but we haven't yet.
And I say, yet, that's one of myfavorite words, we haven't yet exploded
(48:39):
onto the stage, the world stage, butI think we're getting real close.
And if I have anything to do or say aboutit, and I do, it's going to be very soon.
I hope so too.
Before we, before you get therethough, share with us in your work
of working with so many peopleexperiencing different forms of grief.
(49:03):
Because it, grief is not just be ourchildren dying or somebody we love dying.
It can be the loss of relationship, theloss of not realizing who we thought we
would be, I have even heard of moms thathave been really well regarded in the
workplace and when they leave that to bemoms, they feel a huge grief, loss of
(49:26):
identity So it happens in so many forms.
Of the people you deal with andespecially those at the end stages of
their life, what are the main regretsthat these people are sharing with you?
Probably the thing that pops right intomy mind is, I call it hidden grief.
(49:51):
Yes,
Because our culture and it, death anddying around the world is very different.
But in America, our culture hereis one of, the death of a human is
the only death that you can grieve,
And I personally have had manyexperiences with grief that
have been devastating for me.
(50:14):
The last one that was for me, forjust me, more devastating than the
death of my daughter was living for22 years with a malignant narcissist.
Because Amber's death had meaning andpurpose and power, but being abused
(50:36):
and mistreated, was so unjust and sounneeded and so I deal and I'm a grief
educator and a grief coach as well...
so I deal with folks that are recoveringor trying to heal from narcissistic
abuse grief from that because it's lossof a dream, loss of your own self trust.
(51:00):
It's, it kills people.
It really does.
But yeah, a lot, I do alot of pet loss, coaching.
And pets for goodness sakes, ifhumans could only be like pets and
fur babies, come on, we should learn.
I call our fur babies the wiseones too, because they know
(51:21):
they love unconditionally.
So pet loss is a big thing.
And again, people get dismissed.
Oh, it's only a cat or it'sonly a bird or whatever.
So that's one of the otherones that's really dismissed.
But yeah, loss of a lifestyle.
I work a lot with elders.
I'm 70, so I'm an elder too, butpeople that are much older than I.
(51:43):
And it's the loss of a life that theyhad before they moved into a facility.
That's huge.
And that is a huge part of ourculture that is not being addressed.
There's so many people.
I worked in an assisted living facility.
So many people are just neglected.
(52:03):
love my elders so much.
One of the things I'm, I love,about my life is that I've taken
some of the life lessons thatI've learned the really hard way.
And because I'm a graphic artist,so I took these life lessons, like
when I became a grief educator.
I said, Ooh, I need to educate people.
So I did a one page graphic aboutgrief, what to say, what not to say,
(52:27):
what it looks like, the phases, blah,blah, blah, and put them onto t shirts
and tote bags and things like that.
So I have my love and learn collection.
So I have grief, I have red flags of anarcissist, because I imagined standing
in line behind someone where I didn'tknow what was going on, and I read this t
shirt and I'm like, oh my god, that's me!
(52:51):
Yeah.
Yeah, so I have grief, I havered flags of a narcissist, and
I have highly sensitive people.
It's based on Elaine Aron'sbook, Highly Sensitive Persons.
It's HSPs.
And it just goes one page, likecliff notes, real simple, so
that's a really fun, , worthwhile
(53:12):
You're doing so much in that arena.
I can just see you just like thisbundle of energy, really, with
all these strings to your bow...
The information that you're sharing is.
Just so invaluable because,it's coming from your heart.
It's coming from your lived experiencesand it's coming from those people
(53:33):
that you're sharing your life with.
So I always feel that people relateto that more, because they can see
themselves in it, and that's so beautiful.
I'm going to wind things up here now,but what I would love is to get you back
again, because there are so many otherthings, that I want to talk about color
(53:53):
and the therapeutic benefits of that.
And, some things that we can, help ourlisteners to say centered and balanced,
all those sorts of information that wehaven't even begin to touch on and I
don't want to rush through it becauseI don't think that, does justice to it
when we only give a snippet and it'sokay, and, we leave people hanging and
(54:15):
Okay.
very
If you're agreeable, shouldwe just connect again?
Just when you're able to clear yourschedule, and find a bit of time for
me and run through a bit more of thewonderful things that you're doing
for people and the resources you have.
I would love that because I'm abuilder and a creator at heart.
(54:37):
And if you have a really greattoolbox with really nice tools,
you can build something beautiful.
I have some really amazing tools.
I have some free resources available.
You can poke around on embraceatheangel.
com or Pattidimiceli.
com.
But yeah, and it's, yeah, beingable to provide tools for people.
(55:01):
It's like that phrase about, give a mana fish and he'll be hungry the next day,
but teach him how to fishand he can feed the village.
Yes.
And that's so important, and that'swhat I loved about you when I was
researching you, you've got threedifferent websites and they've all got
these incredible resources on them, thatI went down a few rabbit holes, exploring
(55:24):
oh.
You lived.
And this is what people need access to,to find what works for them in their grief
and how that presents and how that looks.
Because as unique as individualswe are, so is our grief.
It's all layered with what we'veexperienced in our life, and
(55:45):
so no two people are going tohave the same looking grief.
They may have similarities, but It'salways going to be unique to each person.
I'd love to just finish off, , withjust three quick questions
I ask everybody I interview.
So what is the best thing thathas happened to you so far today?
(56:06):
Today, the best thing was, this soundsmaybe a little canned, but truly
just spending this hour with you.
I was pulling weeds before we met.
Oh, great form of meditation there.
Yes, they're like toxic people.
I just pull them out of my life.
(56:27):
Oh, I'm grateful for you sharing that.
That's really lovely.
What is something thatyou are most grateful for?
The connection that I have withmyself and with every single person
in this world and beyond it, I'mdefinitely connected to the other side.
(56:50):
And I'm connected to people here on Earth,whether they're in my presence or not.
We are connected right now.
Yes,
That's amazing.
I felt that very strongly, justas you were talking, I could just
feel that beautiful connection.
And that's what people don't realize,your energy goes far and wide.
(57:12):
We're on the other side of the world andwe're feeling each other and so connected,
and I think that's beautiful and powerful.
That's, we are all so powerful ifwe allow ourselves to step into
that and be that and recognize that.
Patti, when you have moments in yourday that are looking a little dark,
(57:32):
and we have this expression here,when they're turning to custard, how
do you pivot out of those moments?
do I get out of those moments?
yes.
I do have some moments where I sitat the bottom of my shower and weep
Oh, my God.
let the tears go down the drain.
And I hear Amber's voice sayingto me, Mom, tears are liquid love.
(57:58):
We cry because we feel andwe feel because we care.
So you know, tears are liquidlove and I truly believe that.
And knowing that letting my tearsflow without apology, like once I
heard that years and years ago, Istopped apologizing for my tears.
(58:21):
I never apologize anymore because thatwould be like apologizing for love.
Yeah, or breathing,
Yeah,
And that's, we've been taught to be sostoic around our crying but actually
what happens within our bodies whenwe allow ourselves to cry, really
cry, it's actually the body's way ofrebalancing itself, calming our nervous
(58:45):
system down, getting us back on track.
When we suppress it, We don'tallow ourselves to do that.
So thank you for sharing that.
That is so important.
And I hope anybody listening will justallow themselves to cry fully and freely.
I'm going to have all the links to yourwebsites and how people can get in touch
(59:08):
with you and how they can see theseincredible resources that you're sharing.
But just briefly share with us now.
How they can reach you
Yeah, if you go to, any of the websites,but Dimiceli, P A T I D I M I C E
L I dot com, and Embrace the Angel,oneangel, dot com, you can reach me.
(59:33):
So either one of those places.
My email is
, patti.embracetheangel@gmail.com.
Beautiful, beautiful.
And I can tell you've shared that afew times because the way you do it,
you just do it so that people canwrite it down as you're saying it.
(59:56):
And how great is that?
Hey, Patti, I just have to tell youthat I knew right from the outset,
And I want to thank you for reachingout to me, I just felt this beautiful
energy that embraces you and I justthink that you're just one of these
truly beautiful earth angels that exist.
(01:00:17):
for us to learn off and what aprivilege it has been to spend
this brief time with you today.
And like I said to you, I would lovejust to go down another tangent with
you because I believe that, you do haveso much that you can share with people.
So I want to just thank you fromthe bottom of my heart for your
(01:00:39):
beautiful energy, for your beautifulwisdom, for sharing this incredible
story about Amber and for all theincredible work that you were doing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so very much.
I'm very grateful for you,Helen, and the world needs you.
(01:01:01):
The world needs you and needs Tahl.
So this is the coolest thing ever andit's not just me .It's me and Amber
(00:04):
because I'm living, here to live a legacy.
So anyway, I keep these with me.
It's a little blue pouch, whereverI go and if I'm in the market,
I'll if I feel led I'll just say,Oh, I have something for you.
And then I'll say I'm a pebblethrower in the still pond of
life, and these are my pebbles.
(00:24):
So I'll say choose one for yourselfand one for someone you love.
It's the coolest thing.
So these are our littleembrace the angel cards.
I'm not selling anything with it.
I just, it's a messagefrom the angels, right?
And on the back is a guardian angelcoin, little pewter coin with a word.
(00:46):
There's five words.
So then I'll say to them,okay, so choose one.
So peel off your pebble and let'ssee what your special word is.
Helen, these tiny little cardsand coins have just changed lives.
I've been doing it about 15 years now.
And people have dropped to thefloor uncontrollably crying.
(01:11):
And most of them arelike, oh, can I hug you?
And I'm like, embrace the angel.
Come on.
And it's been absolutely phenomenal.
Just to give one tiny little coin thatI throw into the still pond of life,
not knowing where these ripples go.
And I started doing a choose one foryourself and one for someone you love
(01:34):
because now they're pebble throwers.
Can you imagine how you would copeif you knew your only child was
going to die and you were only 27.
(01:55):
On the beautiful side of grief today, Iget to speak to Amber's incredible mom,
Patti
DiMiceli, who went through this with Amberat the tender age of four and a half.
Amber was not afraid.
She even picked out the clothesshe wanted to wear to heaven.
The story of how Patti and Amber preparedfor this event, what she describes as a
(02:16):
miracle, will bring tears to your eyes,so make sure you have some tissues handy.
How Patti viewed thisevent is also profound.
It is one that has elevated andsustained her and many others
around the world since her death.
I already feel that this is going to beone incredible and inspiring episode.
(02:37):
We will delve into the book that Pattichanneled from Amber, which helped
to understand why Amber was here onearth and what happens when we die.
Now, Patti herself is an earth angelwith so many angelic connections.
She was born in the City of Angels,LA at the Queen of Angels Hospital
(02:58):
and describes herself as chosen.
Patti is a life coach, an end of lifedoula, a grief educator and coach, an
inspirational entrepreneur, activist,author, and teacher who lives in her tiny
mobile home, Angelina, which she tows withLarry, her Ford F 250 Lariat Super Duty.
(03:19):
I don't know about you, but I'mexcited to hear this incredible
story from a beautiful soul.
who touched my heart fromthe moment we connected.
So a very warm welcome to you,
.Gosh, thank you, Helen.
From across the world even, right?
I know.
So
how we're connected.
(03:40):
it's your evening, I understand.
Is that correct?
Around about five o'clock where you are?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's nine a.
m.
my morning the next day.
And I wanted to also add an additionalwelcome to our two beautiful angels,
Amber and Tal, because I know that theyare here with us in this interview.
(04:04):
Their beautiful energy, I can feel themboth, and yep, and I'm sure they're going
to influence this a wee bit as well.
Now, there is so much rich informationthat you share, Patti, that it was
really difficult for me to decide whatto, dig and delve into in this episode.
(04:25):
But firstly, I think the correctstarting place is to hear about this
beautiful little angel who enteredyour life and stole your heart.
Can you share with us yourtime Earthside with Amber?
Desperately wanted her and I actuallyknow the moment that she was created and
(04:50):
conceived and the pregnancy was good.
I worked up until the daybefore she was delivered.
Her birth was pretty horrific.
They, Basically tried to drug me upand then pull her out of me because
the doctor had a golf appointment.
(05:11):
So it was pretty awful, but, it, whenshe came out, it was very interesting
because on her first picture, she wasvery swollen because it was traumatic
for her, but her hand is like righthere, which is where the tumor started.
Very interesting.
But what I did do is, I realizedthat we all, through Amber, I
(05:37):
realized this, we all have a preverbal memory of being in the womb.
And being born, however we came,I remember being in the womb.
I remember coming out andit was pretty painful.
But I was mindful ofthat when Amber was born.
And, her father, Michael and I, welived in Whittier, California.
(05:59):
As you mentioned, I grew up inCalifornia and, just treasured
every moment that I was with her.
I had a premonition that Iwould die before Amber was six.
And so I documented everything.
Movies, audio, drawings, everysingle scrap of paper she touched.
And so I wanted her toknow me after I died.
(06:23):
And so we ended up coming, Michaelwas from Connecticut, so we ended
up when Amber was about 10 monthsold, moving back to Connecticut and
we lived in the country, and I usedto go walking with her in the woods.
I'd put her in a backpack andwe'd pack a lunch and sit under
the pine trees in the winter.
And it was such a beautiful time tojust share life, just the simple life.
(06:47):
Unfortunately, Michael was veryabusive, and one time, when we were
in Connecticut and he was beatingme and I looked down and Amber was,
like, right there at my side and herlittle face was, she was so terrified
and when I looked at her, I saw me.
(07:08):
I saw my childhood because itwas extremely abusive and I said,
I won't put her through that.
So I ended up leaving Michael.
We took a train to GrandCentral Station and then a
Greyhound bus out to California.
And, I was homeless for a while with her.
My brother and sister in law, asked usto come live with them, which we did.
(07:31):
And it was just a beautiful, simple time.
I'm an artist, a graphic artist as well.
And so I created these paintings and Iliterally, pounded the pavement, selling
these things so we could make a living.
And it was difficult, but I knew thatjust the things that we were going
through on earth, paled in comparisonto the reason that we were together and
(07:55):
that we were here, I didn't know why
I
honestly didn't, but Ijust had this sense that.
This was very powerful.
So we ended up coming back to Connecticut.
We took a really neat, we took a trainfrom Pasadena to Grand Central Station.
I had purchased a bike in thethrift shop for 10, but the
(08:17):
bike seat on the back for Amber.
So I got, I brought that,I had a wooden suitcase.
We landed at grandcentral, during rush hour.
So it was like, Oh my gosh.
But she was a great traveler.
I actually have a movie of thewhole trip across country with her.
We found a little.
studio apartment, next to my friend,Jan, and, I cleaned houses and I found
(08:42):
a, job at Waterbury Lock in downtownMilford, Connecticut, on the green.
It was a factory, and it waswintertime, so I didn't have a car.
I had the bicycle.
So I would put Amber on the back ofthe bicycle and, make her like a
little papoose, all like snugly warm.
And we would ride through thesnow and I would drop her off at
daycare and go to work, and it was abeautiful life that we had together.
(09:07):
It was.
Compared to many people, it probablywould be like poor, perhaps destitute.
But we found so many thingsto do with each other.
And it was a beautiful life.
yeah, so I ended up, I wanted tofind a better job so that I could
get a better place for Amber andI, but we ended up homeless again.
(09:27):
I had bought a small, Volkswagenstation wagon, and we ended up
living in that for a while, andI really did want to get ahead.
And so I wrote a letter to thenewspaper saying, I'm trying to raise
my daughter I just need a better job.
I don't want to have to be homeless, andI don't want to go back to California.
So this woman, Sue Kelly, wecalled her Bambi, she had a
(09:49):
room for rent for 25 a week.
So Amber and I lived with Bambiand she, Bambi had three sons die.
And I remember Amber was my world.
I was a single mom.
And I remember Bambi, Iremember looking at her.
And she was laughing andlaughing with so much joy.
And I would think to myself, Oh myGod, if Amber ever died, I would die.
(10:14):
Certainly.
And, now that I'm on the other side ofthe death of my daughter, I know now where
that joy comes from and it comes from her.
So in August of 79, I had found a jobin construction and it paid 8 an hour.
(10:36):
I was like, Oh my gosh, thisis the most I've ever made.
And so I was one woman and 350 men on acommercial job in New Haven, Connecticut.
And so I.
Would pick Amber up fromdaycare and then we'd come home.
And I remember it was a hot summer night.
It was August of 79 and I wasstroking her hair, just telling her
stories and putting her to sleep.
(10:57):
And she was laying on her tummy.
And I remember stroking her hair andright behind her right ear, I pulled
back her hair and I saw a lump.
And my first thoughtwas, Oh my God, cancer.
I didn't even know kids got cancer.
This was 79.
and then I heard, it's notyou who will die, it's Amber.
(11:23):
And so for the next eight months,I went to eight different doctors
all over the state of Connecticut,trying to convince them to biopsy it.
And they would say things like,you're her mom, you're not a doctor.
And lots of kids getlots of lumps and bumps.
And I would say, how doyou know it's not cancer?
And they're like, we don't wantto put her under anesthesia.
(11:45):
So it went back and forth.
Amber fell, and hit it on afireplace, the tumor, and I rushed
her into the hospital and theyoperated the next day and I was
like, are you sure it's not cancer?
No, it couldn't possibly be.
And so they excised the tumor,and they found a few cancer
(12:05):
cells in her spinal fluid.
But no other cancer anywhere in her body.
And so they were sayingchemotherapy, surgery and radiation.
I'm a single mom, but I waspretty intuitive at the time.
And I still am.
And I just said, wow, they gave her, Iallowed him to give her radiation, but I
didn't want him to give her chemotherapy.
There was a lot of children beingtaken away from their parents
(12:27):
because they wouldn't givethem chemotherapy at the time.
They were in the newspapers and such.
So I was dubious about the chemotherapybecause it was just at the cusp.
It was just starting off chemotherapy.
So I, when Amber was discharged,I went to the New Haven
Register and made a public plea.
(12:47):
Is there any other cancertherapies around the world?
And the Associated Press picked up onit, and, I started fielding, it was
before computers, so I started fieldinglike telegrams and phone calls, and
I documented everything, just tryingto make sense, what do I do next?
So an angel, BarbaraNewington, actually found Dr.
(13:10):
Lawrence Burton, who is one of thefounders of immunotherapy, and he
had, he was, exiled, if you will.
They wouldn't let him practiceimmunotherapy here in the U.
S., so they said you haveto, you can't practice here.
So he ended up at Freeport, Bahamas.
He set up an immunotherapy clinic.
Barbara paid for us to go there.
Dr.
(13:30):
Burton, did the entiretherapy for free for Amber.
Two weeks after we arrived inFreeport at his clinic, Dr.
Burton was on 60 Minutes, andthat was a Sunday night, and on
a Monday morning, when I went tothe clinic, the line was literally
around the block and down the road.
People from all over the world werecoming to see, this was their last hope.
(13:55):
Anyway, I helped out at the clinic.
I, the therapy consisted of pullingOr drawing blood, and then measuring
certain protein fractions, partof your immune system, and then
from good donated blood, Dr.
Burton would make up those proteinfractions so that your own immune
system could fight the cancer.
So I drew Amber's blood.
(14:17):
And then took it on the bicycle.
I had a little blood rack on the backand drove it to the clinic and then
got little one CC syringes and hadto give them every hour, to her.
So I put, a little, and then it turnedout I ended up like going to different
apartment complexes, pulling the bloodof many cancer patients because there
(14:40):
wasn't, you couldn't stay at the clinic.
So you had to stay in a hotel.
Yeah, so I did that.
We, the therapy worked, theimmunotherapy, 'cause there was
a small metastasis that started togrow and then she got tonsillitis and
her immune system couldn't keep up.
Dr.
Burton paid for us to go up toMontreal to a hospital there to
(15:01):
see if they could save her life.
David Stewart, who owns hospitalsin Montreal, paid for everything
and she was off the therapy for.
about a week.
And during that time, then themetastasis doubled in size.
So we had to find a surgeon toremove, debulk what they could
so that we could use the therapy.
(15:23):
But because we were in the mediaand on TV and in the newspapers and
politically, we were, like a hot potato.
We couldn't find anybodyto help us in the U.
S.
So Bernie Siegel, he was,he's a surgeon in New Haven.
He offered to take Amberand treat her as his own.
And, he's a maverick, so he wasn't,he didn't care what other people
(15:46):
thought in the medical establishment.
So we flew home and admitted her to St.
Raphael's in New Haven.
and tried to save herlife, but, they couldn't.
So I went down to the chapeland I just heard, let Amber
come to me, let her come home.
(16:07):
I was standing in the gift shopwhile she was doing her last test.
And I heard, and when I say heard, Idon't mean like a voice, there were
words, but I think there were my words,but it was like something in my head,
but I was standing in line gettingsomething for Amber and I heard turn
around and I turned around and therewas a big rack of keys, big golden keys,
(16:34):
and the words, give this to Amber, andtell her it's the key to heaven so when
she dies, she can open the golden gates.
Here it is right here,I keep it next to me.
Oh,
Isn't that beautiful?
is beautiful and powerful and,
home.
I gave her, I made her a rainbow room.
She always wanted a rainbow room.
(16:54):
Bernie helped us help her with, usingspontaneous drawings that he uses with
his patients, his cancer patients.
And we were able to learn a lotabout living and about dying.
We made the best of the last,she's lived about another month.
But, Yeah, she, as you mentioned,she chose the clothes that she
wanted to go to heaven in and, shewent into a coma on my, just
(17:19):
after midnight on my 27th birthday.
And, my second husband, Gary, hewas with me, we brought her down.
She wanted to die at home.
And, we brought her and Iactually recorded everything.
I took photographs and recorded it.
And, again, I'm not surewhy I did this at the time.
I kept a journal, too, andtook a lot of photographs.
(17:41):
But, again, I didn't have any reasons.
So As I'm telling her, Amber, thank youso much for showing me what love is.
You have the best buns in town.
And I was telling her everysingle thing I wanted her to know.
Even though she was in a coma,tears started to come down her eyes.
And I wiped them away, and Irealized she wasn't afraid to die.
(18:07):
Most children are not afraid.
I've never met a childthat's afraid to die.
Most children are not.
But then I continued to talk a wholebunch of tears came down and I realized
that she wasn't afraid to die, butshe was afraid to leave me behind.
And when I said, I'll be okay,Amber, go now be with God.
(18:27):
Be with God, Amber.
When I said those exact words,she stopped breathing, and I
physically felt her leave her body.
It was like goosebumps times a million.
My whole body was buzzing.
I physically, and it was, it came, shecame right through my body and back
into the light, and then dispersed.
(18:51):
Two things before she died, she said manythings, and I recorded everything, I'm
writing another book, but She said, Mom,I know I'm here to help a lot of people.
And the other thing she said before shedied, she said, Mom, when I die, I'll
still be Amber, I'll just be different.
So at the exact moment that she crossed,left her body, I physically felt her
(19:15):
leave, and she's, she didn't go anywhere.
Like she said, she simply changed.
I, this was so unexpected.
I thought, when I wrote in my journal,that what I would do when Amber
died, I would fall on the ground,I would be inconsolable, it would be
the worst thing in my entire life.
(19:36):
And it was the exact opposite.
It was like, I was gifted amiracle of physically feeling
her presence, her spirit.
So I have an audio recordingof it, of this moment.
Had I not recorded it, I probably justwould have passed into history or memory.
(19:58):
But I transcribed it for, Embracethe Angel, which is her book.
And I'm so glad I did because thismiracle about what happens after
our bodies die, we just change.
I didn't lose a daughter.
She's always been here.
(20:19):
And I'm blessed.
I'm now, and it's been 40, gosh, 43plus years, I'm now living Amber's
legacy of helping a lot of people.
And I cannot tell you howincredibly blessed I feel.
I'm, there was many times whereI was feeling very unworthy
(20:45):
God, come on, I'm so human.
Why me?
And then I heard, that's exactly why you.
So I came to realize that I'man angel in a human cloak.
And when my body dies, Ijust removed the cloak.
(21:06):
Wow.
Oh, I knew this would be so powerfulwhen you shared it because there's
so much wrapped up in there.
And the thing that I probably want todraw out is that all through this journey,
there were these amazing people that keptshowing up at the right time for you, at
(21:29):
the right time for Amber, to allow youguys to, go on this journey together.
Prior to her transitioning and thatin itself is incredible, like just
to have those people show up when youwere in those circumstances and just
facilitate, what needed to happen next.
(21:51):
so that shows me just how special you are.
To be so open to allowthat to come through.
Also, the incredible energy of Amber,the wisdom and the insights at four
and a half year old, an old soul.
The thing that struck me though, was thatwhen you just explained about her energy
(22:17):
coming into you, when she transitioned,I remember, Tahl coming into me, I
just knew with every cell in my body
that's something that happened.
Every cell.
I knew it.
I didn't know what had happened.
I didn't know where she was.
I didn't know anything, but I knew andthat's the same sort of feeling, isn't it?
(22:39):
And that I think allows us to havea different perspective on grief.
So share with us now how youdealt with the aftermath of that
Once she transitioned, you knew shestill was there in a different energy,
(23:00):
but how did you get through that time?
And what sort of things helpedyou the most to get back on track?
Because you're still going toexperience grief, aren't you?
HeY, yeah.
Yeah, very interesting.
So the moment was incredibly miraculous.
So it was opposite of what Ihad written in the journal.
(23:21):
But because we couldn't find anybody tocome to the house to pronounce her dead,
after she died, like Bernie couldn'tcome because he may be in surgery.
I couldn't get the ambulance,
I couldn't get anybody to come.
So Bernie said, just take her body, put itin the back of your car and drive to St.
Raphael's and I'll havesomebody meet you there.
(23:42):
We did, we put her body in the back.
It looked like she was sleeping basically.
And I drove on I 95 from myhome to New Haven, to St.
Raphael's.
But before I got to the hospital,I heard pull over, take a picture
of Amber, people need to see dead.
(24:04):
So believe me, even saying thisnow, when I, explain this.
It's even I am like, what?
So I did, I pulled over alittle abandoned seven 11.
I pulled over and I took my camera,
I walked to the back of the station wagon.
I opened up the back and I took a picture.
I closed it.
(24:24):
I got back in.
I drove to the hospital.
They brought a stretcher out.
They were waiting for us.
They brought a stretcher out.
We went to the main entrance and Iput her body on the stretcher and then
wheeled her through these big doors.
And when the doors parted, there waslike a lot of people waiting, probably
over a hundred people waiting becausethey had followed us through the media.
(24:47):
And they, and Berniehad called the hospital.
So they were, they came to see Amber.
So we went into the, theemergency area, a small room.
And I remember she was dead.
I remember the tumor was so big.
It was it was like the sizeof, it was very big, it was
like the size of a grapefruit.
(25:09):
There was as much insideof her head as out.
So I literally watchedcancer eat her alive.
Normally it's inside and you can't see it.
So I looked at the tumor and I justtook the tumor and I just shook it,
and it was like, soft and sickening,and at that very moment, my hatred
(25:33):
and rage for cancer came to the fore,and I was like, I didn't know it.
I knew some of the feelings wegot the notice that the caretaker
was there, undertaker rather.
And so we wheeled her down into thebowels of the hospital and in these
(25:54):
dark hallways and down at the end wasthe undertaker with a black body bag.
So I went over, I picked her upand put her in the black body bag.
And before I zipped itup, I kissed her lips.
And at that time, at thatmoment, I literally left my
body and was watching the scene.
(26:18):
And then I zipped upthe bag and he took her.
From that point on, it took a fewdays for that miracle to, to, the
glory of it to dissipate, if you will.
But then I spent the next few yearsbasically just advocating for people
that have been touched by cancer.
I did that.
(26:38):
I did some vigils around the white house.
Did a lot of TV, radio and media, justtrying to get people to prevent cancer.
Cause chemicals cause cancer and,chemical companies and lots of
other, pollution and all that stuff.
But that's what causes cancerchemicals and our immune systems
(27:00):
inability to fend off their effects.
So I spent a lot of time.
I had a nonprofit Amber's Alliance.
I went into DC, Washington, DC,and worked with the National Cancer
Institute, interviewed the head ofthe national cancer Institute, really
felt that I needed to speak forthe people that have been touched.
So I spent many yearsdoing that advocacy work.
(27:24):
My anger and rage became replaced, butrather it was replaced by incredible love
and kindness and empathy and gentleness.
I'm still like cancer is horrible, itreally is but I think that by Being more
(27:49):
loving towards people and sharing thelight rather than the darkness, I consider
myself a light worker, as you are, Helen.
I, now, I've just, I worka lot with Brave Parents.
I'm a moderator for DavidKessler's Tender Hearts group.
And, yeah.
(28:09):
What can I do now to elevate others?
And how can I share Amber's legacyof light and laughter and hope?
And so that's what I do now.
I mean It's a beautiful thing.
I, yeah, I really love it.
I don't think you get achoice in this either, do you?
(28:31):
It's just like you are taken on thisjourney, it's like me with my podcast I
have mentioned previously that I was ata point where I nearly gave it up because
I had so much ass going on and it waslike the universe swept in and I, there
was no way, no, you're not giving it up.
(28:52):
And, it cleared the way and allowed mesome breathing space and then just to
look at it with a different perspective.
And then I realized.
The work that I'm doing is valuable.
And sometimes we don't realizehow it is touching others,
how it is impacting others.
But, you want a much bigger scale becauseI'm just a little fish in the ocean.
(29:15):
But, I just feel like we'vebeen drawn on this mission.
Are you feeling lost, anxious,unsure of how to navigate the
loss of your beautiful loved one.
I don't know where to head next.
Yeah, I get that.
Then you may be interested in A Letterof Hope and Aroha to help you find
out who you are right here and now.
(29:37):
And how you can navigate that withoutbeing on that emotional roller
coaster, feeling out of control.
That's a feeling I really dislikedafter Tahl and then Adrian died.
So I've developed an eight weeksupport program where each week you
get an email of what worked for me.
As well as other tried and true toolsto help with grief, it's a beautiful
(30:01):
calming, mean healing resource thatI think you're really going to like.
And that you can use in youreveryday life to find out what
works for you and what doesn't.
And the great thing is you findyourself feeling stronger and more in
control, so you can work out what youwant life to look like going forward.
(30:21):
So with this sounds like somethingyou would like to check out, head
over to my website, or check outthe link in the episode notes, you're
looking for A Letter of Hope & Aroha.
Did you know that you had these,spiritual skills of, intuition, of
(30:41):
a clair audience of, channeling.
I did.
I definitely did.
and it's taken me many years toactually say this stuff out loud.
Good.
Believe you me.
Now I'm proud.
So I knew, like I mentionedearlier, I chose my parents.
(31:05):
They were horrific parents, bythe way, and they prepared me
for what I was about to endure.
So I chose my parents.
I remember being in the womb.
I remember being born.
It was excruciatingly painful.
And I believe that most humans do, allhumans have memory of being born, but they
(31:26):
don't yet have the emotional or the skillsof language, but you, it's so visceral.
So I knew from a tinything that I was chosen.
I were all chosen, I believe.
We all have a life taskand a life lesson to learn.
(31:47):
But I knew it.
And I remember my mom, I, she wasstanding at the sink doing some dishes.
And I was probably, I didn'tquite reach the counter yet.
So I must've been like three.
And I remember her lookingdown at me and saying, What do
you think you're going to do?
Change the world?
And I looked up and I'm like, yes.
(32:09):
And I believed it with all my heart.
Yes.
And there were many timeswhere, I knew I was an angel.
I just knew it.
I could speak with God.
I had the angels around me.
I had visions.
I had visitations.
It was, pretty miraculous.
But because
marriages by narcissists, they triedto beat it out of me, literally,
(32:35):
tried to beat that knowing out.
And I simply couldn't, I justcouldn't allow that to happen.
Because
this is why I'm here on earth.
Those difficult situations,
I like that you say that they prepareus, because I believe the same.
(32:58):
I endured a childhood that, was,it was pretty traumatic for me,
being highly sensitive in a familythat, nope, nobody else was.
And, never fitting in andfeeling really abandoned and
all of those sorts of feelings.
And then when I reached an adult,I had that sort of perception
that, okay, this is for a reason.
(33:20):
This has made you stronger.
And then enduring all thethings that happened since.
I think it is those situations, and asharsh as they are, and as horrible and
tragic as they are, they do prepareus, don't they, for losing a child,
in particular, because, I think bythe time I lost Tahl, I was open,
(33:47):
opened up to being able to see thatthere was more to this experience.
That there was more to hertragically dying, and that led
me on this incredible journey.
And you knew before then, you knew youhad these beautiful gifts and were chosen
and that, Oh, gosh, where do we go nExt?
(34:09):
How did that lead you into all that?
Oh, no, go ahead.
No.
You go.
I was just going to say, you have metsome incredible people in your journey,
like really, Pivotal people in the griefworld and who are doing beautiful work,
like you mentioned, DavidKessler, and Bernie Siegel.
Oh, my gosh, a maverick sendingout on his own advocating.
(34:32):
Those are incredible people whohave high profile and you seem
to just attract these people.
Share with us what that's beenlike for you and how that has
enabled you to help others.
I think I'm so with you.
I'm as human as they come.
(34:53):
And I just stand in awe.
Like I, I have the client,I do a lot of grief work.
So I have clients and I have aclient who's 96 and she's been
asking me to bring my book in.
I see her a couple hours a week.
So I brought Embrace the Angel.
I think, yeah, I got a copy here.
So here's Amber's book.
So as I'm showing her, there's alot of photographs, cause I tried
(35:18):
to tell the story with photographs.
And as I'm showing Minnibel, thephotographs, I'm like, that's my life.
That's, it's so unbelievable really.
So I had sent, I've done somework with Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
And so I had sent Elizabeth the draft,the first draft, and she had made some
(35:40):
notes and then I sent her the final copyand she actually reviewed this book.
And one of the things she said, and thisis one of the things that keeps me going.
She goes, I just discoveredEmbrace the Angel.
I read it through andthrough all over again.
It's very beautiful and very touching.
Especially, especially the dreamsand her courage and wisdom.
(36:05):
You need to share this with theworld for Amber and Chad and all
the many parents who need to know.
Wow.
Those words coming from Elizabeth
teaches me that I need to share this.
I can't stay, holed up in mytiny home licking my wounds.
(36:31):
Yeah.
Sothat's one of the things.
So what I've come to do, which I love,I have a company which is Tobias & Co.
and creatures like gargoyles.
And then I put them on just silk,satin ties and scarves and pillows.
(36:53):
So like I have a Naval Academycollection and a Tuscany collection.
And what I decided to do is to doan embrace the angel collection.
So I took photographs of angelsfrom around the world and put
them onto silk ties and scarves.
And then I collected drawings ofangels from children around the world
and put them onto silk satin pillows.
(37:14):
So we have, Tobias and Companyhas, a giving back division
that we call Embrace the Angel.
So for everyone purchased, we donateone of these Embrace the Angel scarves,
ties, and pillows to Somebody who'sgrieving or dying, to elevate them.
So we have two now we have an embracethe angel pillow and we have Grace's
(37:35):
angels, this little nine year old, girl,Grace collected a hundred drawings
from for sick kids around the world.
So she, so now we have Grace's angelspillow and it's got a bunch of, I injected
little, words of like elevation and joy.
Yeah, so that's one thing we do.
(37:56):
We donate these to people because I neededto feel that elevation and inspiration.
Anyway, it's a really cool thing.
The other thing that I love, love, loveto do, and you alluded to it earlier
about, you just don't ever reallyknow where those ripples go, people.
You don't really know.
Let me see where it is.
(38:17):
I have...
so I call myself a pebble thrower
Oh, I love
the school
too.
pond of life.
So this is the coolest thing ever andit's not just me It's me and Amber
because I'm living, here to live a legacy.
So anyway, I keep these with me.
It's a little blue pouch, whereverI go and if I'm in the market,
(38:39):
I'll if I feel led I'll just say,Oh, I have something for you.
And then I'll say I'm a pebblethrower in the still pond of
life, and these are my pebbles.
So I'll say choose one for yourselfand one for someone you love.
It's the coolest thing.
So these are our littleembrace the angel cards.
(39:00):
I'm not selling anything with it.
I just, it's a messagefrom the angels, right?
And on the back is a guardian angelcoin, little pewter coin with a word.
There's five words.
So then I'll say to them,okay, so choose one.
So peel off your pebble and let'ssee what your special word is.
(39:21):
Helen, these tiny little cardsand coins have just changed lives.
I've been doing it about 15 years now.
And people have dropped to thefloor uncontrollably crying.
And most of them arelike, oh, can I hug you?
Yes.
And I'm like, embrace the angel.
(39:43):
Come on.
And it's been absolutely phenomenal.
Just to give one tiny little coin thatI throw into the still pond of life,
not knowing where these ripples go.
And I started doing a choose one foryourself and one for someone you love
because now they're pebble throwers.
Yes.
(40:05):
And it's so cool.
Oh, that's the best story ever.
That's it.
To me, giving is such a powerfulform that just transforms your life.
when you're able to give, to others,and it doesn't need to be anything big,
it can be just like you say, you givethat guardian angel to somebody, and
(40:29):
it just transforms their life, it opensthem up, it cracks them open, and it's,
it can be your time, it can be justsitting there listening to somebody
share their story, it doesn't matterhow you give, but it's the giving.
And that just manifestsmore love, doesn't it?
And, oh, I don't know about you, youcan meet all these fabulous people like
(40:50):
Elizabeth and David and, Bernie andall of those, but when you're in the
marketplace and you see the reactionof that complete stranger from the gift
that you've given them, I don't know,but that really, tugs on my heartstrings.
Just you sharing about it.
Yeah.
I love it.
(41:11):
And like you, I see people and I admirepeople that, are in the public eye
that have accomplished a lot of thiNgs.
I see them as human just like me.
They burp, they sleep,they cry, they get angry.
And I've been honored to, to knowpeople, but you are so right,
(41:32):
People in the market, people on the bus.
I take a shuttle bus to work people.
Just people, everyday peopleand these tiny little coins,
how they've changed lives.
Or even the EmbraceAngels stuff, the pillows.
I get, I'll get a word of some childwith cancer and I'll ship a pillow.
(41:54):
And I'll get a photographof this child, right?
No hair, just huggingwith a big huge smile.
Hugging Grace's angels.
fantastic.
beautiful.
How beautiful.
And there's a cool 45second audio that Grace,
I listened to that.
Yes.
(42:14):
Yes.
What did you think?
Oh, beautiful.
What a gorgeous wee girl she is.
To just want to do something so powerfuland get her school on board and, have the
back end of her mom and just transformingtheir lives with those pillows.
Isn't that cool?
Yes.
Grace came up with the idea.
Now we're working on our thirdpillow called Animal Angels.
(42:38):
So I'm going to put somethings up on embracetheangel.
com.
But by the way, you can listenfor those in your audience that
want to hear one of our wise ones,because I think our children are
the wise ones, talk about angels.
It's amazing.
It's right on the homepageof Embrace the Angel.
And you can also get a free.
(42:59):
Ebook, a free PDF.
You can get it on Amazon, butalso, you can get a free PDF.
Embrace the Angel.
It's exciting times we're in nowtoo, because I feel the energy
is shifting and like you say, youcouldn't talk about your, you, your
skills that you have to communicate,with those on the other side.
Now you can.
(43:20):
Now it's more open.
Now there is more.
I hope we're doing a lot toshift how people deal with grief.
But most importantly,let's talk about it more.
Let's just know that's going to bea reality at some stage or another.
And let's just have those beautifulconversations before, with our loved ones.
(43:42):
And I think that's whatyou're facilitating so much.
Like a lot of us are having to go througha cancer journeys with our loved ones.
And that is so heartbreaking.
It just seems so prevalent and sucha, what's a word, a scourge on our
society that so many are afflicted.
But let's talk now aboutsomething, because I think this
(44:05):
is lovely, this really struck me.
You liken grief to an injury, Patti.
And I like your analogy around this.
So can you just share that with us?
For any of us who have ever beenchildren who have fallen down and
scraped their knees, it's painful andit's bloody sometimes and it hurts
(44:30):
for a long time and then it scabsover and that even hurts sometimes.
And then the scab falls off or youpick it off and it bleeds again.
So you got to wait longer.
So if you liken it to grief, you just pickthat scab off and it bleeds some more.
But eventually.
It does scar,
And that's what we're left with.
(44:51):
We're left with a scar.
And I always find it such a beautifulthing when you can actually not
be repulsed by somebody's scar,but actually kiss that scar and
treasure how that came to bE.
yeah, I do see grief that way.
(45:12):
It never goes away.
I don't believe it ever goes away.
But I do think that It can heal.
You'll never be the same.
You'll always have that scar tissue, butif you can find another human or even
yourself and just be tender and lovingand compassionate, and we all need that,
(45:33):
I talked about earlier about, rememberbeing born and as we all do, and I also.
I believe that when they cut that cordto life, really, the umbilical cord,
for the rest of our lives, we spend,sometimes conscious, sometimes not,
(45:55):
we spend our time trying to reconnect.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
I do think that if we realize that wewere cut from life, but life not only
existed in the womb, it exists in anotherdimension that we don't see with our eyes.
(46:23):
It's like the wind.
Like you, this other dimensionthat I'm talking about.
There's many.
There's you know, threedimensions, 4, 5, 6, 7.
There's many dimensions that wedon't see, but it's like the wind.
How do you know that there is windwhere you see the results of it?
You feel the effects of it, right?
(46:45):
So yeah, there's a whole, there's awhole galaxy, there's a whole universe
beyond what we see with our eyesand our senses, our physical senses.
Yeah, it's allowing us to open up to that.
What is the most profound insight thatAmber channeled and who brought to you?
(47:12):
I think I had mentioned it earlier about.
Mom, when I die, I'll still be Amber.
I'll just be different.
So for me, my responsibilitywas to stay open, just to feel
that difference, to know thedifference, to live that difference.
(47:33):
Not to close off my heart in grief andpain and anguish, because if I closed
my heart off, she couldn't get in.
So I had to keep it open.
It was, that was the hardest thing Ithink in my personal journey through
grief is, yeah, not closing up becausethat's, you want to go in the corner
(47:56):
like an animal and just lick your wounds
hunker down.
Yeah.
hurt.
Yeah.
So yeah, all of us are angels,but there are people in this world
who have chosen, it's an actualchoice, they've chosen the dark.
And I love him, Mr.
(48:17):
Rogers says, in an emergency,always look for the helpers.
So I choose to look for the lightworkers.
And I'm aligning with so manyother light workers in this world.
There's so many of us, but we haven't yet.
And I say, yet, that's one of myfavorite words, we haven't yet exploded
(48:39):
onto the stage, the world stage, butI think we're getting real close.
And if I have anything to do or say aboutit, and I do, it's going to be very soon.
I hope so too.
Before we, before you get therethough, share with us in your work
of working with so many peopleexperiencing different forms of grief.
(49:03):
Because it, grief is not just be ourchildren dying or somebody we love dying.
It can be the loss of relationship, theloss of not realizing who we thought we
would be, I have even heard of moms thathave been really well regarded in the
workplace and when they leave that to bemoms, they feel a huge grief, loss of
(49:26):
identity So it happens in so many forms.
Of the people you deal with andespecially those at the end stages of
their life, what are the main regretsthat these people are sharing with you?
Probably the thing that pops right intomy mind is, I call it hidden grief.
(49:51):
Yes,
Because our culture and it, death anddying around the world is very different.
But in America, our culture hereis one of, the death of a human is
the only death that you can grieve,
And I personally have had manyexperiences with grief that
have been devastating for me.
(50:14):
The last one that was for me, forjust me, more devastating than the
death of my daughter was living for22 years with a malignant narcissist.
Because Amber's death had meaning andpurpose and power, but being abused
(50:36):
and mistreated, was so unjust and sounneeded and so I deal and I'm a grief
educator and a grief coach as well...
so I deal with folks that are recoveringor trying to heal from narcissistic
abuse grief from that because it's lossof a dream, loss of your own self trust.
(51:00):
It's, it kills people.
It really does.
But yeah, a lot, I do alot of pet loss, coaching.
And pets for goodness sakes, ifhumans could only be like pets and
fur babies, come on, we should learn.
I call our fur babies the wiseones too, because they know
(51:21):
they love unconditionally.
So pet loss is a big thing.
And again, people get dismissed.
Oh, it's only a cat or it'sonly a bird or whatever.
So that's one of the otherones that's really dismissed.
But yeah, loss of a lifestyle.
I work a lot with elders.
I'm 70, so I'm an elder too, butpeople that are much older than I.
(51:43):
And it's the loss of a life that theyhad before they moved into a facility.
That's huge.
And that is a huge part of ourculture that is not being addressed.
There's so many people.
I worked in an assisted living facility.
So many people are just neglected.
(52:03):
love my elders so much.
One of the things I'm, I love,about my life is that I've taken
some of the life lessons thatI've learned the really hard way.
And because I'm a graphic artist,so I took these life lessons, like
when I became a grief educator.
I said, Ooh, I need to educate people.
So I did a one page graphic aboutgrief, what to say, what not to say,
(52:27):
what it looks like, the phases, blah,blah, blah, and put them onto t shirts
and tote bags and things like that.
So I have my love and learn collection.
So I have grief, I have red flags of anarcissist, because I imagined standing
in line behind someone where I didn'tknow what was going on, and I read this t
shirt and I'm like, oh my god, that's me!
(52:51):
Yeah.
Yeah, so I have grief, I havered flags of a narcissist, and
I have highly sensitive people.
It's based on Elaine Aron'sbook, Highly Sensitive Persons.
It's HSPs.
And it just goes one page, likecliff notes, real simple, so
that's a really fun, , worthwhile
(53:12):
You're doing so much in that arena.
I can just see you just like thisbundle of energy, really, with
all these strings to your bow...
The information that you're sharing is.
Just so invaluable because,it's coming from your heart.
It's coming from your lived experiencesand it's coming from those people
(53:33):
that you're sharing your life with.
So I always feel that people relateto that more, because they can see
themselves in it, and that's so beautiful.
I'm going to wind things up here now,but what I would love is to get you back
again, because there are so many otherthings, that I want to talk about color
(53:53):
and the therapeutic benefits of that.
And, some things that we can, help ourlisteners to say centered and balanced,
all those sorts of information that wehaven't even begin to touch on and I
don't want to rush through it becauseI don't think that, does justice to it
when we only give a snippet and it'sokay, and, we leave people hanging and
(54:15):
Okay.
very
If you're agreeable, shouldwe just connect again?
Just when you're able to clear yourschedule, and find a bit of time for
me and run through a bit more of thewonderful things that you're doing
for people and the resources you have.
I would love that because I'm abuilder and a creator at heart.
(54:37):
And if you have a really greattoolbox with really nice tools,
you can build something beautiful.
I have some really amazing tools.
I have some free resources available.
You can poke around on embraceatheangel.
com or Pattidimiceli.
com.
But yeah, and it's, yeah, beingable to provide tools for people.
(55:01):
It's like that phrase about, give a mana fish and he'll be hungry the next day,
but teach him how to fishand he can feed the village.
Yes.
And that's so important, and that'swhat I loved about you when I was
researching you, you've got threedifferent websites and they've all got
these incredible resources on them, thatI went down a few rabbit holes, exploring
(55:24):
oh.
You lived.
And this is what people need access to,to find what works for them in their grief
and how that presents and how that looks.
Because as unique as individualswe are, so is our grief.
It's all layered with what we'veexperienced in our life, and
(55:45):
so no two people are going tohave the same looking grief.
They may have similarities, but It'salways going to be unique to each person.
I'd love to just finish off, , withjust three quick questions
I ask everybody I interview.
So what is the best thing thathas happened to you so far today?
(56:06):
Today, the best thing was, this soundsmaybe a little canned, but truly
just spending this hour with you.
I was pulling weeds before we met.
Oh, great form of meditation there.
Yes, they're like toxic people.
I just pull them out of my life.
(56:27):
Oh, I'm grateful for you sharing that.
That's really lovely.
What is something thatyou are most grateful for?
The connection that I have withmyself and with every single person
in this world and beyond it, I'mdefinitely connected to the other side.
(56:50):
And I'm connected to people here on Earth,whether they're in my presence or not.
We are connected right now.
Yes,
That's amazing.
I felt that very strongly, justas you were talking, I could just
feel that beautiful connection.
And that's what people don't realize,your energy goes far and wide.
(57:12):
We're on the other side of the world andwe're feeling each other and so connected,
and I think that's beautiful and powerful.
That's, we are all so powerful ifwe allow ourselves to step into
that and be that and recognize that.
Patti, when you have moments in yourday that are looking a little dark,
(57:32):
and we have this expression here,when they're turning to custard, how
do you pivot out of those moments?
do I get out of those moments?
yes.
I do have some moments where I sitat the bottom of my shower and weep
Oh, my God.
let the tears go down the drain.
And I hear Amber's voice sayingto me, Mom, tears are liquid love.
(57:58):
We cry because we feel andwe feel because we care.
So you know, tears are liquidlove and I truly believe that.
And knowing that letting my tearsflow without apology, like once I
heard that years and years ago, Istopped apologizing for my tears.
(58:21):
I never apologize anymore because thatwould be like apologizing for love.
Yeah, or breathing,
Yeah,
And that's, we've been taught to be sostoic around our crying but actually
what happens within our bodies whenwe allow ourselves to cry, really
cry, it's actually the body's way ofrebalancing itself, calming our nervous
(58:45):
system down, getting us back on track.
When we suppress it, We don'tallow ourselves to do that.
So thank you for sharing that.
That is so important.
And I hope anybody listening will justallow themselves to cry fully and freely.
I'm going to have all the links to yourwebsites and how people can get in touch
(59:08):
with you and how they can see theseincredible resources that you're sharing.
But just briefly share with us now.
How they can reach you
Yeah, if you go to, any of the websites,but Dimiceli, P A T I D I M I C E
L I dot com, and Embrace the Angel,oneangel, dot com, you can reach me.
(59:33):
So either one of those places.
My email is
, patti.embracetheangel@gmail.com.
Beautiful, beautiful.
And I can tell you've shared that afew times because the way you do it,
you just do it so that people canwrite it down as you're saying it.
(59:56):
And how great is that?
Hey, Patti, I just have to tell youthat I knew right from the outset,
And I want to thank you for reachingout to me, I just felt this beautiful
energy that embraces you and I justthink that you're just one of these
truly beautiful earth angels that exist.
(01:00:17):
for us to learn off and what aprivilege it has been to spend
this brief time with you today.
And like I said to you, I would lovejust to go down another tangent with
you because I believe that, you do haveso much that you can share with people.
So I want to just thank you fromthe bottom of my heart for your
(01:00:39):
beautiful energy, for your beautifulwisdom, for sharing this incredible
story about Amber and for all theincredible work that you were doing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so very much.
I'm very grateful for you,Helen, and the world needs you.
(01:01:01):
The world needs you and needs Tahl.
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