June 12, 2024 • 47 mins
This is a heartwarming and powerful episode. Making the decision to donate your child's organs must have to be one of the toughest decisions any parent would have to make. Yet, it can also yield incredible rewards.
Tara shares her poignant story of navigating the loss of her 13-year-old daughter, Taylor, after a tragic skiing accident. Tara and her husband Todd made the life-changing decision to donate Taylor's organs, leading to the creation of the Taylor's Gift Foundation to promote organ donation and provide grief support for donor families. Through her narrative, Tara emphasizes the importance of outliving oneself by making a lasting difference in the lives of others.
Taylor's Gift, the book that Tara and Todd co-authored sharing this inspirational journey has featured on platforms such as Good Morning America and recognized by People magazine. It's a message of compassion, hope, and resilience that is not to be missed.
00:00 Introduction to Tara Storch's Story
02:04 The Tragic Skiing Accident
04:18 The Decision for Organ Donation
08:36 Founding Taylor's Gift Foundation
10:47 Meeting the Organ Recipients
13:34 Providing Grief Support
17:43 Navigating Personal Grief
24:05 Showing Up for a Grieving Friend
24:47 Understanding Grief and Compassion
25:49 Supporting Grieving Children
27:59 The Journey of Healing and Resilience
30:42 Outlive Yourself: Leaving a Lasting Legacy
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And we help people.
What we provide is we provide hope weprovide these families hope and surrounded
by others who understand their journeyand we provide it free for an entire year.
Wow.
In addition to hope, what other things didyou find that people were most wanting,
(00:21):
needing, looking for, that they weren't
getting?
Understanding, because I thinkit's People in our program, that's
one thing they understood is thatthey were just so impacted to be
surrounded by people who understood.
That is such a powerful thing.
(00:43):
And, I think a lot of these peoplehave good support around with family
and friends, but not many that havereally, can say they understand, right?
You have friends and family who tryto understand, they can't really
unless you walked in those shoes.
So being able to step in andbe that source of understanding
has made a huge difference.
(01:04):
When you talk to somebody who's walkingthrough grief, you go, Am I crazy?
Am I crazy to think this way?
Am I crazy to feel this way?
And you hear from others, no,that's exactly how I felt.
(01:25):
What would you say if, after a tragicaccident, someone approached you to
say that your daughter would be abeautiful candidate for organ donation?
Tough decision, right?
So that is why I would love for youto take the next hour listening to
an incredible lady, Tara Storch,
who faced that decision, with her husband,when her eldest daughter had a tragic
(01:50):
skiing accident at the tender age of 13.
With her husband Todd, Tara went on to coauthor the award winning book Taylor's
Gift, which was recognized as the mostinspirational book at the Books for a
Better Life Awards in New York City.
She and her husband were also recognizedas Heroes Among Us by People magazine.
(02:13):
And Tara has shared her journey onplatforms such as Good Morning America,
The Today Show, The Ellen Show, andnow, The Beautiful Side of Grief.
So you see what a powerfulstory we have in store for you.
Tara shares her story because she has aninspirational message to share with the
world, and that is to outlive yourselfand be a compassionate source of hope.
(02:39):
So great to have you listening in today.
And get comfy to hear this trulyheartwarming story of Taylor and
what she has gifted the worldin the brief time she was here.
And how grief and gratitudecan walk hand in hand.
A very warm welcome to you, Tara.
Thank you for having me.
(03:00):
First up the title to your book,Taylor's Gift, that touched
my heart from the get go.
So thank you indeed forthat beautiful title.
Before we get into the incrediblework you're doing with Taylor's Gift
Foundation, can you take us back tothat time of March, 2010, and what
led you to do what you are doing now.
(03:24):
Yes.
Yeah, it was March of 2010 andwe were on our spring break
vacation in Beaver Creek, Colorado,having our first family ski trip.
And it was on that first day of ourvacation where Taylor, and who's 13,
and Ryan, who was 11, and my husbandwanted to make one last run down
(03:45):
the slopes before the slopes closed.
And our little one, nine year oldPeyton, was tired and wanted some
hot chocolate, so we went down to thebottom of the mountain to wait for them.
And it was on that last run of the daythat Taylor just had an accident and went
into the trees, just lost her footingand went to the trees and she hit a tree.
(04:07):
Doing everything right, wearinga helmet, great athlete.
It was just a complete accident.
And so my husband, and son, called skipatrol and there was a lot of, panic
and fear and unknown happening on themountain that my daughter and I, my
nine year old and I didn't know about ituntil they're coming down to, to meet us.
(04:32):
And I noticed quickly that Taylor'snot with them and my husband grabbed
me by the shoulders and just gentlysaid, Taylor's been in an accident.
Looks like we're going tohave to get her care flighted.
And then your wholeworld just stops, right?
It just absolutely stops.
They were, immediately took her tothe local hospital in Vail where they
(04:54):
understood her injuries were not good.
And so they care flighted her toGrand Junction, Colorado, where we
went there as quick as we could.
and when we got there, I remembermeeting with a whole group of doctors
who met us right there in the lobby.
And I remember asking, okay,um, she has volleyball tryouts
(05:18):
coming up in high school.
I know she's probably broken some bones.
How long do you think it'll be?
And I'm sure we'll have thesummer to help her recover.
And they looked at us andthey said, that's the least
of your worries right now.
So they worked on her for over a daytrying to save her in any way they could.
And I remember I think it was the second
(05:39):
day at the hospital my husband wasstanding by Taylor's bed, and I was
sitting on the couch right next toTaylor's bed, and this nurse walked
in, and she just knelt down in frontof me, and she said, Your daughter's a
beautiful candidate for organ donation.
Would you consider it?
And the way she asked wasso gentle and so kind.
(05:59):
And I remember looking at my husbandand we just immediately said yes.
And, we had never talked aboutorgan donation, Helen, in
our, family, not even once.
It wasn't a conversationwe had in our home.
I think, I had checked it off on mydriver's license that, but it wasn't
a topic that we ever talked about.
But we knew in that moment that itwas the right thing for our family.
(06:23):
Taylor was such an others centered child.
She was that friend to all and we knewin our heart of hearts if she would have
been asked, Taylor, do you want your finalact on this earth to save others lives?
She would have said absolutely and Taylorwent on to save and improve the lives
of five people with a gift of her heart,her kidneys, her liver, pancreas, and
(06:47):
she gave sight with her cornea and thatone Yes took us on a completely different
path In our family and in our life,
That's that is just the couragethat You had in those moments.
I can't even begin to imagine what thattime was like, just to be right there
(07:09):
beside her having all of that hope andthen suddenly being faced with that
decision and you made it without thinking.
So that was incredible in itself.
And like you said, you justknew that she would welcome that
decision because of the yeah.
the beautiful personality that she was.
And I don't know about, I don't knowabout you, but have you found that some
(07:34):
of these children that leave us early arethose types of incredible personalities?
They just shine larger than life.
Have you seen that at all?
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
Especially with the work we do withTaylor's gift, we're working with
grieving families and it is amazingto hear, that the common thread is.
(07:57):
What an incredible person they were.
What an amazing person they were.
What an amazing child they were, thatthey would give the shirt off their back.
And, there's so many stories, I'msure you're the same, that you kind
of found out after the fact of theway, your child was such a servant
to others that you had no idea.
And it's because, with Taylor, she nevercame home and said, Look what I did today.
(08:21):
I sat next to the girl in the lunchroomthat had no friends, you know she never
bragged on herself or even thought abouttalking about that because that was just
part of her nature It was just how shewas wired was so other centered So, you're
right that decision came very easy outof all the hard decisions we were being
faced with that one was the easiest oneto say yes to because of the type of
(08:44):
child she was and then you know, we cameback and we from Colorado to Texas to
start our life without our oldest child.
And it's it's just such a shock.
And it was about a couple of weeks after Iremember my husband and I were sitting in
the backyard and he said, you know, Tara,my grandfather said something to me when I
(09:05):
was young and it meant nothing to me then.
Nothing.
But it means everything to me right now.
And he said, he goes, he usedto say, Todd, it's not what
happens to you that matters.
It's how you react to it that does.
And he's don't get me wrong, Helen.
Of course it mattered that we lost Taylor.
It completely shattered our world,but we knew our reaction was going
to be real important, especiallyto our other two children.
(09:28):
So we had a choice to cave in the griefand shut the world out or find the good.
And the good was that Taylor savedlives through organ donation.
So my husband started doing some researchabout that because, we didn't know much
about it, but it was that spider web ofhope, spider webs, very strong, right.
And it was just that one thread ofhope we were hanging on to that.
(09:53):
this is the good that couldcome out of this, right?
So we quickly started Taylor's GiftFoundation really with the purpose to
share the importance of organ donationand how incredibly life giving it is.
And we found that.
It wasn't really an easytopic people talked about.
It wasn't something that peoplereally wanted to discuss.
(10:15):
And so we knew we had tochange that conversation.
And so that really was our mission.
And so we started off really withchanging that conversation about
the importance of organ donation.
And we coined the phrase outlive yourself.
How do you want to outliveyourself and leave a lasting
difference in the lives of others?
And so that became our.
(10:35):
way to talk about it.
Because, it's not easy to sit around atable and ask your friends and family,
do you want to be an organ donor?
Because immediately people thinkof death, but organ, eye and
tissue donation is all about life.
That's what it's about.
And so we wanted to change that soyou Have the conversation with your
family and friends and say, howdo you want to outlive yourself?
(10:57):
And if you want to be save otherssomeday, potentially do that.
You can let your family know, just sayhow I want to outlive myself is I want to
save others with anything I have to give,just so they know having that conversation
is just so important that when, and ifthat time comes, that's not something
your family would ever be concerned aboutknowing if that's what you would want.
(11:19):
And so that's a greatway to talk about it.
It's just, how do youwant to outlive yourself?
And so that's when westarted the foundation really
with that initial purpose.
And it's really grown.
And I'll share with that, about thatwith you in just a little bit too.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I just want to mention to you herein New Zealand, when we first get our
driver's We can make that decisionand have it actually put on to our
driver's license that we want to bear,
(11:41):
Same thing in the
Yeah, and I think that is so important.
But again, like you say, there'sjust not enough good conversations
around, you know, death itself.
It's a reality for all of us, butalso, these types of situations.
And I think slowly, it's gettingbetter, through the type of work that
you're doing and those sorts of things.
(12:01):
Did you actually get to meet any ofthe recipients of Taylor's organs?
Yes, we have.
We have, been so blessed to havemet four out of the five recipients.
And when we met her heart recipient,that story hit Good Morning America
and really launched Taylor'sGift Foundation's name, right?
(12:23):
And you can find thatstory on our website.
You can go to taylorsgift.
org and we have a section in therewhere you can see all the media.
And just, I would recommend if you'regoing to watch anything, go to the
Good Morning America one, becausethat's really what launched it.
And yeah, we've met withher heart recipient.
We've met with her, kidneyand pancreas recipient.
Jeff, who is now a grandfather,he never would have had that time.
(12:47):
Her other kidney recipient, hercornea recipient, who now has sight.
It's been pretty powerful because,all these people, all they wanted
was just the gift of time, right?
The gift of time.
With their family and with their friendsand Taylor was able to give them that
those experiences, those adventures, thosetime with family, it's not like they were
(13:14):
trying to climb a mountain or something.
They just wanted to be like,mom, they wanted to be dad,
they wanted to be friends.
And Taylor was able to givethem that second chance.
where did you feel like you werewell supported both during that
(13:35):
whole process, but more importantlyafter that process of donating?
So during the process at thehospital, yes, we felt very supported.
Um, the right people werein the right place for us.
And we had also lots of familythat flew in to be with us.
So we were very supported in that way.
(13:56):
And, when we got back, thegrief of a donor family.
That's what we're called.
A donor family is a family whose lovedone was able to give the gift of life.
So we're the donor family.
And, we looked for otherswho had experienced this.
Because the grief of a donor familyis unique in the sense because you've
(14:18):
got the grief from the sudden lossbecause Organ donation usually comes
out of an accident or a tragedy.
It just does.
Combined with this silver liningof gratitude that our loved
one was able to save others.
And so the grief of a donorfamilies really were grief and
gratitude share the same space.
And we were looking forpeople who understood that.
(14:41):
And we really struggled to find that,and when we started Taylor's Gift
Foundation, really it was about theimportance of organ donation, but we
wanted to step into this emotionalsupport piece, to fill this gap.
And along the way we found therewas a huge gap in the United
States for this particular typeof grief care, grief support.
(15:04):
And so we wanted to step into thisand years ago we tried to step in,
but honestly, the world wasn't ready.
Mental health was not something thatpeople really talked about that much, and
looking for support and receiving support,especially in the States was not something
that was very out there and accepted.
And then when COVID hit, Everyonestarted to understand the need to
(15:27):
get support and grief support becamea really big thing because of COVID.
And there was so much death around that.
And so people were looking forthat grief support and open to it.
And so it was the perfect time forus to really launch our program.
And so we provide dedicated griefsupport to the donor side, and we're
(15:50):
the only nonprofit in the United States.
Who has 100 percent that is our focusis dedicated grief support specifically
for the donor side of donation.
Wow, that's incredible.
And it's 100 percentfree for them, isn't it?
There's no cost to them whatsoever.
It's supporting each and every memberof that family as they need the support.
(16:11):
And the way, okay,
is a couple things.
We offer peer to peer support bywhat we call our caring guides.
And peer to peer support, what thatmeans for Taylor's Gift is that our
caring guides have walked through grief.
You and I both know, you and I talkingtogether, we understand what loss is like.
(16:32):
We have walked that journey andtalking to others who have walked
it ahead of you and having thatimmediate understanding is so powerful.
And so we offer thatone on one peer support.
So individual support.
And then we also offer groupsupport, which is loss specific.
So we have groups for childloss, spouse loss, suicide loss.
(16:56):
So if you've experienced those,you're surrounded by others who
have also walked that journey.
And it has been a game changer forpeople's, moving forward in progress,
because I don't want to say, healing,.It's helped in healing, because
I don't think we'll ever heal fromthis, but we sure will absolutely.
Move forward, right?
(17:17):
We will.
We'll take those steps forward andwe'll take our loved one with us, as
we move forward in different ways.
And we help people.
What we provide is we providehope is what we provide.
We provide these families hopeand surrounded by others who
understand their journey and weprovide it free for an entire year.
(17:39):
Wow.
In addition to hope, what other things didyou find that people were most wanting,
needing, looking for, that they weren't
getting?
Understanding, because I think it's
People in our program, that'sone thing they understood is that
(18:01):
they were just so impacted to besurrounded by people who understood.
That is such a powerful thing.
And, I think a lot of these peoplehave good support around with family
and friends, but not many that havereally, can say they understand, right?
You have friends and family who tryto understand, they can't really
(18:24):
unless you walked in those shoes.
So being able to step in andbe that source of understanding
has made a huge difference.
When you talk to somebody who's walkingthrough grief, you go, Am I crazy?
Am I crazy to think this way?
Am I crazy to feel this way?
And you hear from others, no,that's exactly how I felt.
And also you can see people whohave, are years ahead of you and
(18:47):
say, okay, They've done this.
I can do this too, right?
And just things they'velearned along the way.
And yes, I think it's, we providehope, we provide understanding,
we provide compassiOn.
and we just provide themtruly a circle of care.
I think the other interesting thingthat I particularly found was that,
(19:08):
in my experience, this turned mywhole life as I knew it on its ear.
It's like nothing ever happened.
It's the same.
I didn't think the same.
I didn't react the same, and I,sometimes I found myself going, oh my
gosh, why, why, or things that I'vedone all of my life, I found, you're
gone, you're not important anymore.
(19:30):
And so let's talk about that becauseI think that is a key thing that
people need to understand is just howdramatic their life can change and
having that support to navigate it.
Oh, absolutely.
Having that kind of support,
just having people to lean on, right?
(19:50):
I'm sure you experienced this, that, youhad probably friends who were in the
fringes of your life who became right?
at your feet, right?
Didn't you experience thaT?
and then you also had friends whoyou thought would be there for you.
That just couldn't handle howhard this was for you, right?
And so they, they were ableto be there in different ways.
(20:12):
But, it's an amazing, when yousaid the priorities shifted, right?
Your priorities completely changed becauseyour whole world has flipped upside down.
You know, I remember the first timewalking into a restaurant and asking for a
table of four instead of a table of five.
And that, just about, I almost lostit, and there's moments like that,
(20:37):
that make you feel like, am I losingit to feel this way and to hear
others who say, no, I felt that way.
I understand that, and the next timeI went back and asked for a table,
it still hurt, but not as much.
And then the next time I went back andasked for a table, just so it's that just
encouragement to keep moving forward.
(20:58):
and it's just letting people know, yeah,you're not crazy, but you're not crazy.
What you're feeling is totally normal.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you find helped you andyour family the most in dealing
with this, navigating this
incredible loss of Taylor?
(21:18):
Yeah.
lost a child and having a griefcounselor who had walked that kind
of similar journey was very helpful.
But also just loving our children exactlywhere they were at that moment, because.
(21:44):
Grief is so up and downand it doesn't make sense.
Sometimes my husband and I weregrieving on completely different
paths, completely different paths.
I mean, we were just complete opposite.
He wanted to be aroundTaylor's friends all the time.
I couldn't be around Taylor's friends.
We were just so opposite.
And we were introduced to anothercouple who were 10 years ahead of us.
(22:05):
And I remember my first thought was, howhave they done this for 10 years, right?
And I just couldn't imagine that.
And I remember when she openedthe door, her and her husband
opened the door to greet us.
She was, dressed really cute,had a big smile on her face and I
was like, how are you doing this?
And they sat down with us and we werejust telling them about our struggle and
it's how we're grieving so differently.
(22:27):
And they said something that was justsuch a game changer for Todd and I,
and it was not this, it was a big ahamoment for me, but it wasn't like big.
And what they said was, you haveto give each other the grace to
grieve the way they need to grieve.
And it really woke us up becausewe've had such a strong marriage, but
(22:50):
we were not giving each other thatgrace, and to be able to just grieve.
And so from then on out, if heneeded to be around Taylor's
friends, that was great with me.
If I needed to stay in bed allday, he was okay with that.
And so we gave each startedgiving each other grace.
And then that extended, tothose around us too, because
people don't know what to say.
(23:12):
And sometimes they don't say, theysay things that are a little hurtful,
but, and so we started giving peoplegrace, knowing that we know they're
trying, we know they're trying.
And I mean, sometimes you just wonder whyin the world would you say that to me?
On the flip side of that, it'sthey're just trying to care for
(23:32):
us the best way they know how.
So that little word of grace reallystarted overflowing into things.
And it wasn't always perfect.
Don't get me wrong.
It wasn't always, that I nevergot upset or, never got irritateD.
I wasn't always giving graceas much as I'd like sometimes,
I think we were trying.
And that's really what it came down to be.
(23:54):
And cause you know, you and I both knowgrief can be very lonely because It
can be very lonely because sometimespeople don't know what to say,
so the option is forthem not to say a thing.
I'm just not going to say anything, right?
Which is actually worse becauseI'm already feeling so isolated and
(24:14):
on the island for you not to sayanything actually makes that island
even further away in the ocean.
And just recognizing that was also very,.
powerful.
And knowing that moving forward, how Iwould always step into that space from
now on out, like I would never avoidthat hard um, and I had a great example
(24:40):
of a friend that just showed up andshe was such a great example of this.
Her name's Daniela and Daniela, I didn'tknow she was just in our community.
And I remember she showed up, I thinka week and a half after Taylor passed
away and she rang our doorbell.
And I opened the door and she said,you don't know me, and I really don't
(25:04):
know you, but I know your story,and I just want to let you know, I
don't know what to say, but I'm here.
And that was the beginning of the mostincredible friendship, and it was such a
beautiful testimony to me to just showup, that was, when people ask me all the
time, and I'm sure you get this too,.
How do you help a friend who's grieving?
(25:26):
How do you help a friend?
And my advice is always, I alwaysthink of Daniela is just show
up, and show up in the hard.
Just ring that doorbell and it's greatto say, I don't know what to say, but
I just want to let you know I'm here.
That right there was so powerfulbecause there were so many people
that just were trying to fix me.
(25:47):
They wanted the Tara who Iwas before to be the Tara I
was when I saw them that day.
When they came to visit and I was acompletely different person, right?
So just being able to say, I don'tknow what to say and not try to
fix was the most beautiful gift.
so much.
A friend who could ever give it.
She's been that way ever since.
(26:08):
I'm glad you brought that upabout grace because that's such
a big thing in my life now.
And I learned that so well, exactlyfrom the situation you spoke about.
And I always thought, I know,People who haven't experienced
grief don't know what to say.
.They don't, if the only thing theycan relate it to is like losing their
(26:29):
pet, and you go, how can you comparemy daughter to losing your pet?
And, but then you, when you stepback and think about it, that's the
only thing they can relate it to.
So what they're trying to,what they're trying to do is to
relate, to be there, to connect.
(26:50):
And that's the essence of it.
So for me, it never mattered thatpeople got it wrong and said the
wrong things because I just loved that
they were there, that they wereshowing up, that they cared.
And
I was.
Yes, they tried.
I was, I loved that so much.
What about your children in this equation?
(27:12):
Because I was reading something theother day that was saying that quite
often, children get overlooked in thiswhole equation, people go straight to
the parents and go, how are you doing?
But they forget about how arethese children who are left behind?
How are they doing?
How are they coping?
How has
this affected their life?
(27:35):
They have become themost incredible adults.
And I think some of this isbecause of that experience.
They're very compassionate.
They're very empathetiC.
but back on the notion of peoplecaring for them, as a mom, it was
very difficult to step out of my griefto be a good mom during that time.
(27:58):
And it was such, I have toadmit that, I was in bed.
I could not function.
Grief wore me to the pointwhere I was a shell of myself.
Yeah.
I had friends and family whorecognized that and they stepped
in and I remember so many times.
(28:19):
We, they were my reason to get up.
I was getting up and packing lunches andthings like that and trying to be mom.
I was trying so hard, but sometimeswhen I'd go and pick him up from school
and come home, there'd be two littlegifts on the porch just for them.
I had friends who were step,stepping in just to say, we see
you, we know you're hurting too.
(28:40):
And so just knowing that.
That there were people in our communitywho saw Ryan and Peyton and their
pain was so amazing, they had a verygood support system to at school.
We had, the principal And, the schoolcounselor were always watching out for
them and making sure they were okay.
And, there were times we get calledfrom school because Ryan just was having
(29:05):
a hard day and we have to go get him.
And so it ebbed and flowed.
But as they got older, they're very proudof the work we're doing for Taylor's Gift,
but they themselves have become incredibleadults, incredibly incredible adults.
We had to just learn tolove them where they were.
And it wasn't always perfect.
(29:25):
We tried to get them therapy, butthey just weren't ready at that age.
I remember we tried to dosome counseling with them.
And I remember I think it was ourthird counselor that cause Todd and
I were just wanting to help them,and I remember the counselor said,
you can't force anybody to talk.
They'll talk when they're ready.
And so they talked to us is what they did.
(29:49):
And so we were their outlet.
It's been pretty amazing to watchthe incredible adults they've
become, and Peyton is a nurse.
She's a labor and delivery nurse.
And which is so amazingbecause that is what Taylor's
Heart recipient Patricia was.
was a labor and delivery nurse.
And a sweet story from that was whenPeyton, our daughter, graduated nursing
(30:12):
school, Joe, Patricia's husband, sentPeyton the stethoscope that Patricia used.
It's those little things.
So yeah, she, Patricia usedthat stethoscope to let us
hear Taylor's heartbeat.
Oh
And it's the same stethoscope thathe sent our daughter, Peyton, when
(30:35):
she graduated nursing school tobe a labor and delivery nurse.
So, very special and verykind and thoughtful of him.
gosh, There are so many incrediblethings that people do without being
asked that just come out of the woodworkand just being in tune with those.
I think it makes life so precious andso special, even in the worst of times.
(30:58):
And yeah, I love that.
I also love, that you spoke about howbroken you were afterwards, because when
you do something like something as bigand bold as Taylor's Gift Foundation, and
it's recognized so widely, people forget
sometimes that you were a broken shellof a person that, that you had to go
(31:23):
through those stages before you got to
what you're doing now.
Because like people say to me, you'reso strong, you're so courageous.
And I go,
on, on the surf, on the surface.
And, but yeah, no, behind the scenes,I was very messy and, yeah, not
many people got to see that at all.
Okay.
I'd love for you to share now, Tara, whatare the important aspects when you were
(31:49):
sharing your message, Outlive Yourself,what, what are the important aspects of
that message that you are wanting people
to know?
So outlive yourself reallycomes from leaving a lasting
difference in the lives of others.
And, for Taylor's Gift Foundation,that's very focused on the organ
(32:10):
donation piece, but there are somany ways to outlive yourself, right?
What you're doing, Helen, isoutliving yourself because
you're making such a difference.
There's so many ways, giving a smileto somebody, can completely outlive
yourself because that carries on.
So there's so many waysto outlive yourself.
And I think it's such a greatconversation to have in your home, to
(32:32):
find out not just, end of life wishes,but how do you want to be remembered?
What is your outlive yourself moment?
What's your leaving lasting difference?
And it's different for a lotof people, for everybody.
it's different becausethat's a personal thing.
But I think, it's reallyabout this leaving a lasting
legacy, a lasting difference.
(32:53):
And, that happens in so manyways, too, by just helping others.
I'm speaking to a group on Monday,and they help a lot of senior
citizens in tough times, right?
Just sitting with these people andlistening to them and caring for them
is that's outliving themselves, right?
(33:13):
Being present with peopleis outliving yourself.
So there's so many beautiful ways todo that You know for Taylor's gift It's
very focused on the donor family andthe registering to be an organ donor to
save others lives, but if that meaningcould be also powerful in different ways.
Yeah, and I think people have thisperception that something like outliving
(33:38):
yourself has to be this grand gesture.
But I love that you've taken itback to these everyday kindnesses
that you provide to others.
Because that's the other thing, that'sbecome big in my life is being of service.
And, again, it's not a grand gesture.
It's like, how, what can I do in myday, in my week to help somebody else
(34:00):
go outside of myself, because I thinkwe can be too focused on ourselves.
And, ?But when you go outside, ofyourself and you help somebody, like
you say, just sitting down, spendinghalf an hour, having a chat with him,
that may have been the best thing.
in their
entire week, just to have
(34:20):
somebody go and do that for them.
It's life changing stuff.
Yeah.
It is.
I know, and it could be just as simpleas you're at the grocery store in line.
And you compliment the person
Oh,
yes.
just Oh my gosh, I, gosh,you look pretty today.
Or I love that.
jacket you have, or Hey,I noticed your necklace.
Tell me about that.
It doesn't have to be, a biggap of your time during the day.
(34:43):
It can be little simple things and younever know just how that little gesture
could be a game changer for someone intheir mood for that day, or just how
they feel just in that moment, even ifit's just a fleeting moment of, wow,
someone recognized me for a moment, or,wow, that was a really nice conversation,
it could be just as easy as that.
And you never know where those kindof rip, it becomes a ripple effect.
(35:06):
You don't know really where thatlittle nice little comment took that
person that day, you just don't know.
yeah, I love that.
And it's also has a ripple effect foryou as well, because you're giving that
out, it comes back to you, and in Spain.
Absolutely.
So you do lots of fundraisers and bitsand pieces with Taylor's Gift Foundation,
(35:27):
and I have to ask you, how does Singo
Bingo work?
How does that work?
So Singo Bingo is our annualfundraiser and it is super fun.
It is, a local fundraiser wedo in the Dallas area, Dallas,
Texas area, United States.
So if you have any listeners in this area,
that would be great.
(35:48):
Yep.
Yeah, that's great.
So what Singo Bingo is it's bingo combinedwith name that tune from songs of the
70s, 80s, 90s and it is so much fun.
So last year we did Singo Bingo for thefirst time and it will for sure be our
signature fundraiser from here on out.
(36:08):
It was a ball, because youknow what we talk about.
And what our mission is toprovide free grief support for
donor families is a heavy topic.
So we wanted, we providethese families hope.
And so we want to celebrate that.
And so that's what we celebrateduring our fundraiser.
Yeah, that's so good.
(36:29):
What haven't we talked about inthis past hour, Tara, that you would
like our listeners to, to know,
we're.
Always needing support, the demand forour service has exceeded our expectations.
So I would just suggest yourlisteners go to taylorsgift.
(36:50):
org and learn all about us, follow uson social media, because you can always
see what we're doing and up to, and justshare about our mission with others.
That would be just such a gift.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's loads of differentways they can do that.
I know going onto your website, it wasa surprise to me because there are so
many different levels, there's the, youcan just give a donation if that's what
(37:12):
you're comfortable doing, or you canbe, that caring support, for others if
you've been through a similar situation,or a volunteer in other forms, and yes,
yeah, there's so much you're offeringthere, and I think it's, just a wonderful
legacy to, to, to Taylor really.
That she's remembered in such a gorgeousway and, never forgotten because
(37:35):
that's the other thing is just becauseour loved ones are no longer here
physically, they never, ever leave us.
They're in our daily lives,our daily moments all the time.
And so for me, I just love, lovesharing that with others and
talking about that and lettingpeople know that's so important.
(37:56):
Yeah.
Yeah, so Tara I have a couple of questionsthat I always finish off my interviews
with and So the first one is what is thebest thing that has happened to you so far
today?
Today?
today
okay, so let me think about that.
(38:18):
Okay, probably the best thing thathappened to me today is that I was
introduced to a mom who lost her sonwhen he was 18, and it's been 18 years
since she has lost him and she and I hadso much in common when it came to how we
(38:38):
handled our grief and our personalitieswere so similar and it was just such a
great thing to find somebody Who reallyrelated, and completely understood and
how we laughed and laughed about just theLife, and we were silly, and it was fun,
(39:03):
and it was just such a fun hour and a halfcoffee that we cannot wait to do it again.
Even though we had these horrible,tragic things happen, we were able to
bond on such a deep level so quickly.
And then just started talking aboutother things, which made us laugh,
not even related to grief, that webecame really good friends who were
(39:25):
bonded by this tragedy and we bothhad, and really just went outside that
and really had a great time together.
And we both left so joyful to just havea new wonderful friend in our life.
And so it was just areally fun part of my day.
That's so beautiful.
I love that you just said that becausethe other thing too is that this
(39:48):
is it, to get to that stage in yourgrief where you can have happiness
and joy and it doesn't detract atall from what you've experienced, but
you learn to accommodate everything.
And, I think that's so beautiful.
That's what we want people to see,that it is possible to move into that
(40:08):
space.
Eventually.
Absolutely.
And don't get me wrong, ofcourse I have bad days, right?
And I miss her horribly.
Where I am now, and I hope thisgives someone hope, is that those
bad days don't last as long.
yes,
the beginning of grief, a bad day canset you back for days and days and days.
(40:32):
But sometimes now, when I have abad day, I may be down for a couple
hours and then I can be back up.
So I'm able to bounce back so muchquicker and put a smile back on my face.
For example, this pastFriday was Taylor's birthday.
She would have been 28 andI was really blue that day.
(40:53):
But then the next day I was great.
I was, had that joyful spiritagain and year that shows so
much to me how much progress.
I've done because years ago, herbirthday would have taken me down, right?
Her birthday this past Fridaywas full of memories and I was
(41:14):
blue, of course, because I missher, but it didn't take me down.
I was able to really sit in thememory of her and, love her from afar.
And I also feel having this foundationin her name is also a way I spend
time with her and honor her.
So that has helped too.
That has really helped too.
Thank you for sharing that.
(41:36):
What is something thatyou are most grateful for?
Oh my goodness.
Hands down, my family.
My wonderful husband, my three,because I will always be a mom
of three, wonderful children.
And I'm grateful for our newgrandbaby, middle name, who's, thank
(41:58):
you, whose middle name is Taylor.
So that's so grateful for that.
So gratefuL for that.
A bit sad, a bit, missing them intensely.
How do you pivot out of those moments?
What's your
go to shift your
energy?
(42:19):
I don't really force it.
I, a good distractionfor me is to go outside.
to connect with a friend,just to step outside.
If I'm in the chair and just, super sad,I'll maybe move to the couch, something
to just, not shake myself out of it,but help me take the step forward,
(42:40):
because you really can't predict it.
You really can't predict whatwill trigger it sometimes.
I remember being in the grocery store andseeing her favorite cereal and losing it.
Now I can go buy her favorite cereal andsee it, and go, Oh, she loved that cereal.
She loved it, and it doesn'ttear me down so much.
So that sting of grief comes and goes, butit doesn't last as long as it used to,
(43:03):
And I don't think there's anythinglike if I'm down, it's okay, if I
need to do this to get me out of it.
Just, sometimes I think it's reallyimportant just to sit with it and
know that it's okay to feel that wayand not rush going, I guess I need
to go outside to shake myself up.
No, sometimes you just got to bethat way and it's really okay.
(43:24):
If I go outside and walk to themailbox or, see the beautiful
weather, sometimes I come back in andI still feel blue and that's okay.
It's not like I go outside andall of a sudden I'm better.
I know that better is comingand that's really, I think, has
been just a beautiful progressis I know better is coming.
(43:48):
Sitting with it and having thehope that better is coming.
That's beautiful.
I'm going to ask you anotherquestion because, what you were
just saying just touched Me.
With your experience,
what do you think is the greatestthing you've learned from it?
wow.
(44:09):
You know that I think that I'm strongerthan I ever thought I could ever be.
Um, When feel like if something likethis ever comes your way, you don't
think you'd ever be able to handle it.
And I think, honestly, you're a lotstronger than you think you are.
(44:30):
And.
It's amazing how we, as the humanrace, and especially moms who have
lost a child, we can do hard things.
We can.
And things that will come yourway from here on out, you know
you have done something reallyhard, and so you can do this too.
(44:52):
So I think resilience has probablybeen the most, a ha for me.
I'm a lot more resilient than Iever gave myself credit for, right?
and I think everybody has that.
I think everybody has thatkind of spark of resilience.
And sometimes you don't know you have ituntil you're faced with something hard.
Yeah, sometimes we don'thave the opportunity to get
(45:15):
to know ourselves, do we?
Until something like this happens.
And then, we really then get to knowwho we are, and how we work, and how
we operate, and how we think, and that.
Oh, Tara, gosh, what an absoluteprivilege it has been to spend this
time with you to discuss your beautifuldaughter Taylor and the Taylor's
(45:36):
Gift Foundation that you've set up.
Just remind us again how people canfind out more about the wonderful
inspirational work that youare doing with this foundation.
Yeah, they can go to taylorsgift.
org.
You can learn all about us.
You can get our book there on taylorsgift.
org and see some other,things that we have.
(45:57):
For example, Nike partnered with usand created these Outlive Yourself
socks, so we have those too.
And, which is really special becausethe blue on the sock reflects the
color of Taylor's eyes and there'sfive stripes on them that, give
honor to the five lives she saved.
So it's been really special.
And you can just see the work wedo with our grief support program
(46:19):
and the families we've helped.
And, just hope that, gives peopleinspiration that, we're doing
good work for others that need it.
Yeah, you are.
You truly are.
Your whole entire family is such aninspiration and, I'm sorry that you had to
go through this to, to, get to that point.
But, what a privilege.
I think, like you said, sharing is helpingothers understand that, the space I'm
(46:44):
in is totally okay to be in that space.
And by speaking to you today,you've just shared so many
gems, Oh gosh, I'm grateful.
I am grateful that I get to speak topeople like you and share your stories.
And I want to thank you so much for takingthe time to be with me today to do that.
(47:05):
Well, thank you for having me.
It was a joy.
And we help people.
What we provide is we provide hope weprovide these families hope and surrounded
by others who understand their journeyand we provide it free for an entire year.
Wow.
In addition to hope, what other things didyou find that people were most wanting,
(00:21):
needing, looking for, that they weren't
getting?
Understanding, because I thinkit's People in our program, that's
one thing they understood is thatthey were just so impacted to be
surrounded by people who understood.
That is such a powerful thing.
(00:43):
And, I think a lot of these peoplehave good support around with family
and friends, but not many that havereally, can say they understand, right?
You have friends and family who tryto understand, they can't really
unless you walked in those shoes.
So being able to step in andbe that source of understanding
has made a huge difference.
(01:04):
When you talk to somebody who's walkingthrough grief, you go, Am I crazy?
Am I crazy to think this way?
Am I crazy to feel this way?
And you hear from others, no,that's exactly how I felt.
(01:25):
What would you say if, after a tragicaccident, someone approached you to
say that your daughter would be abeautiful candidate for organ donation?
Tough decision, right?
So that is why I would love for youto take the next hour listening to
an incredible lady, Tara Storch,
who faced that decision, with her husband,when her eldest daughter had a tragic
(01:50):
skiing accident at the tender age of 13.
With her husband Todd, Tara went on to coauthor the award winning book Taylor's
Gift, which was recognized as the mostinspirational book at the Books for a
Better Life Awards in New York City.
She and her husband were also recognizedas Heroes Among Us by People magazine.
(02:13):
And Tara has shared her journey onplatforms such as Good Morning America,
The Today Show, The Ellen Show, andnow, The Beautiful Side of Grief.
So you see what a powerfulstory we have in store for you.
Tara shares her story because she has aninspirational message to share with the
world, and that is to outlive yourselfand be a compassionate source of hope.
(02:39):
So great to have you listening in today.
And get comfy to hear this trulyheartwarming story of Taylor and
what she has gifted the worldin the brief time she was here.
And how grief and gratitudecan walk hand in hand.
A very warm welcome to you, Tara.
Thank you for having me.
(03:00):
First up the title to your book,Taylor's Gift, that touched
my heart from the get go.
So thank you indeed forthat beautiful title.
Before we get into the incrediblework you're doing with Taylor's Gift
Foundation, can you take us back tothat time of March, 2010, and what
led you to do what you are doing now.
(03:24):
Yes.
Yeah, it was March of 2010 andwe were on our spring break
vacation in Beaver Creek, Colorado,having our first family ski trip.
And it was on that first day of ourvacation where Taylor, and who's 13,
and Ryan, who was 11, and my husbandwanted to make one last run down
(03:45):
the slopes before the slopes closed.
And our little one, nine year oldPeyton, was tired and wanted some
hot chocolate, so we went down to thebottom of the mountain to wait for them.
And it was on that last run of the daythat Taylor just had an accident and went
into the trees, just lost her footingand went to the trees and she hit a tree.
(04:07):
Doing everything right, wearinga helmet, great athlete.
It was just a complete accident.
And so my husband, and son, called skipatrol and there was a lot of, panic
and fear and unknown happening on themountain that my daughter and I, my
nine year old and I didn't know about ituntil they're coming down to, to meet us.
(04:32):
And I noticed quickly that Taylor'snot with them and my husband grabbed
me by the shoulders and just gentlysaid, Taylor's been in an accident.
Looks like we're going tohave to get her care flighted.
And then your wholeworld just stops, right?
It just absolutely stops.
They were, immediately took her tothe local hospital in Vail where they
(04:54):
understood her injuries were not good.
And so they care flighted her toGrand Junction, Colorado, where we
went there as quick as we could.
and when we got there, I remembermeeting with a whole group of doctors
who met us right there in the lobby.
And I remember asking, okay,um, she has volleyball tryouts
(05:18):
coming up in high school.
I know she's probably broken some bones.
How long do you think it'll be?
And I'm sure we'll have thesummer to help her recover.
And they looked at us andthey said, that's the least
of your worries right now.
So they worked on her for over a daytrying to save her in any way they could.
And I remember I think it was the second
(05:39):
day at the hospital my husband wasstanding by Taylor's bed, and I was
sitting on the couch right next toTaylor's bed, and this nurse walked
in, and she just knelt down in frontof me, and she said, Your daughter's a
beautiful candidate for organ donation.
Would you consider it?
And the way she asked wasso gentle and so kind.
(05:59):
And I remember looking at my husbandand we just immediately said yes.
And, we had never talked aboutorgan donation, Helen, in
our, family, not even once.
It wasn't a conversationwe had in our home.
I think, I had checked it off on mydriver's license that, but it wasn't
a topic that we ever talked about.
But we knew in that moment that itwas the right thing for our family.
(06:23):
Taylor was such an others centered child.
She was that friend to all and we knewin our heart of hearts if she would have
been asked, Taylor, do you want your finalact on this earth to save others lives?
She would have said absolutely and Taylorwent on to save and improve the lives
of five people with a gift of her heart,her kidneys, her liver, pancreas, and
(06:47):
she gave sight with her cornea and thatone Yes took us on a completely different
path In our family and in our life,
That's that is just the couragethat You had in those moments.
I can't even begin to imagine what thattime was like, just to be right there
(07:09):
beside her having all of that hope andthen suddenly being faced with that
decision and you made it without thinking.
So that was incredible in itself.
And like you said, you justknew that she would welcome that
decision because of the yeah.
the beautiful personality that she was.
And I don't know about, I don't knowabout you, but have you found that some
(07:34):
of these children that leave us early arethose types of incredible personalities?
They just shine larger than life.
Have you seen that at all?
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
Especially with the work we do withTaylor's gift, we're working with
grieving families and it is amazingto hear, that the common thread is.
(07:57):
What an incredible person they were.
What an amazing person they were.
What an amazing child they were, thatthey would give the shirt off their back.
And, there's so many stories, I'msure you're the same, that you kind
of found out after the fact of theway, your child was such a servant
to others that you had no idea.
And it's because, with Taylor, she nevercame home and said, Look what I did today.
(08:21):
I sat next to the girl in the lunchroomthat had no friends, you know she never
bragged on herself or even thought abouttalking about that because that was just
part of her nature It was just how shewas wired was so other centered So, you're
right that decision came very easy outof all the hard decisions we were being
faced with that one was the easiest oneto say yes to because of the type of
(08:44):
child she was and then you know, we cameback and we from Colorado to Texas to
start our life without our oldest child.
And it's it's just such a shock.
And it was about a couple of weeks after Iremember my husband and I were sitting in
the backyard and he said, you know, Tara,my grandfather said something to me when I
(09:05):
was young and it meant nothing to me then.
Nothing.
But it means everything to me right now.
And he said, he goes, he usedto say, Todd, it's not what
happens to you that matters.
It's how you react to it that does.
And he's don't get me wrong, Helen.
Of course it mattered that we lost Taylor.
It completely shattered our world,but we knew our reaction was going
to be real important, especiallyto our other two children.
(09:28):
So we had a choice to cave in the griefand shut the world out or find the good.
And the good was that Taylor savedlives through organ donation.
So my husband started doing some researchabout that because, we didn't know much
about it, but it was that spider web ofhope, spider webs, very strong, right.
And it was just that one thread ofhope we were hanging on to that.
(09:53):
this is the good that couldcome out of this, right?
So we quickly started Taylor's GiftFoundation really with the purpose to
share the importance of organ donationand how incredibly life giving it is.
And we found that.
It wasn't really an easytopic people talked about.
It wasn't something that peoplereally wanted to discuss.
(10:15):
And so we knew we had tochange that conversation.
And so that really was our mission.
And so we started off really withchanging that conversation about
the importance of organ donation.
And we coined the phrase outlive yourself.
How do you want to outliveyourself and leave a lasting
difference in the lives of others?
And so that became our.
(10:35):
way to talk about it.
Because, it's not easy to sit around atable and ask your friends and family,
do you want to be an organ donor?
Because immediately people thinkof death, but organ, eye and
tissue donation is all about life.
That's what it's about.
And so we wanted to change that soyou Have the conversation with your
family and friends and say, howdo you want to outlive yourself?
(10:57):
And if you want to be save otherssomeday, potentially do that.
You can let your family know, just sayhow I want to outlive myself is I want to
save others with anything I have to give,just so they know having that conversation
is just so important that when, and ifthat time comes, that's not something
your family would ever be concerned aboutknowing if that's what you would want.
(11:19):
And so that's a greatway to talk about it.
It's just, how do youwant to outlive yourself?
And so that's when westarted the foundation really
with that initial purpose.
And it's really grown.
And I'll share with that, about thatwith you in just a little bit too.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I just want to mention to you herein New Zealand, when we first get our
driver's We can make that decisionand have it actually put on to our
driver's license that we want to bear,
(11:41):
Same thing in the
Yeah, and I think that is so important.
But again, like you say, there'sjust not enough good conversations
around, you know, death itself.
It's a reality for all of us, butalso, these types of situations.
And I think slowly, it's gettingbetter, through the type of work that
you're doing and those sorts of things.
(12:01):
Did you actually get to meet any ofthe recipients of Taylor's organs?
Yes, we have.
We have, been so blessed to havemet four out of the five recipients.
And when we met her heart recipient,that story hit Good Morning America
and really launched Taylor'sGift Foundation's name, right?
(12:23):
And you can find thatstory on our website.
You can go to taylorsgift.
org and we have a section in therewhere you can see all the media.
And just, I would recommend if you'regoing to watch anything, go to the
Good Morning America one, becausethat's really what launched it.
And yeah, we've met withher heart recipient.
We've met with her, kidneyand pancreas recipient.
Jeff, who is now a grandfather,he never would have had that time.
(12:47):
Her other kidney recipient, hercornea recipient, who now has sight.
It's been pretty powerful because,all these people, all they wanted
was just the gift of time, right?
The gift of time.
With their family and with their friendsand Taylor was able to give them that
those experiences, those adventures, thosetime with family, it's not like they were
(13:14):
trying to climb a mountain or something.
They just wanted to be like,mom, they wanted to be dad,
they wanted to be friends.
And Taylor was able to givethem that second chance.
where did you feel like you werewell supported both during that
(13:35):
whole process, but more importantlyafter that process of donating?
So during the process at thehospital, yes, we felt very supported.
Um, the right people werein the right place for us.
And we had also lots of familythat flew in to be with us.
So we were very supported in that way.
(13:56):
And, when we got back, thegrief of a donor family.
That's what we're called.
A donor family is a family whose lovedone was able to give the gift of life.
So we're the donor family.
And, we looked for otherswho had experienced this.
Because the grief of a donor familyis unique in the sense because you've
(14:18):
got the grief from the sudden lossbecause Organ donation usually comes
out of an accident or a tragedy.
It just does.
Combined with this silver liningof gratitude that our loved
one was able to save others.
And so the grief of a donorfamilies really were grief and
gratitude share the same space.
And we were looking forpeople who understood that.
(14:41):
And we really struggled to find that,and when we started Taylor's Gift
Foundation, really it was about theimportance of organ donation, but we
wanted to step into this emotionalsupport piece, to fill this gap.
And along the way we found therewas a huge gap in the United
States for this particular typeof grief care, grief support.
(15:04):
And so we wanted to step into thisand years ago we tried to step in,
but honestly, the world wasn't ready.
Mental health was not something thatpeople really talked about that much, and
looking for support and receiving support,especially in the States was not something
that was very out there and accepted.
And then when COVID hit, Everyonestarted to understand the need to
(15:27):
get support and grief support becamea really big thing because of COVID.
And there was so much death around that.
And so people were looking forthat grief support and open to it.
And so it was the perfect time forus to really launch our program.
And so we provide dedicated griefsupport to the donor side, and we're
(15:50):
the only nonprofit in the United States.
Who has 100 percent that is our focusis dedicated grief support specifically
for the donor side of donation.
Wow, that's incredible.
And it's 100 percentfree for them, isn't it?
There's no cost to them whatsoever.
It's supporting each and every memberof that family as they need the support.
(16:11):
And the way, okay,
is a couple things.
We offer peer to peer support bywhat we call our caring guides.
And peer to peer support, what thatmeans for Taylor's Gift is that our
caring guides have walked through grief.
You and I both know, you and I talkingtogether, we understand what loss is like.
(16:32):
We have walked that journey andtalking to others who have walked
it ahead of you and having thatimmediate understanding is so powerful.
And so we offer thatone on one peer support.
So individual support.
And then we also offer groupsupport, which is loss specific.
So we have groups for childloss, spouse loss, suicide loss.
(16:56):
So if you've experienced those,you're surrounded by others who
have also walked that journey.
And it has been a game changer forpeople's, moving forward in progress,
because I don't want to say, healing,.It's helped in healing, because
I don't think we'll ever heal fromthis, but we sure will absolutely.
Move forward, right?
(17:17):
We will.
We'll take those steps forward andwe'll take our loved one with us, as
we move forward in different ways.
And we help people.
What we provide is we providehope is what we provide.
We provide these families hopeand surrounded by others who
understand their journey and weprovide it free for an entire year.
(17:39):
Wow.
In addition to hope, what other things didyou find that people were most wanting,
needing, looking for, that they weren't
getting?
Understanding, because I think it's
People in our program, that'sone thing they understood is that
(18:01):
they were just so impacted to besurrounded by people who understood.
That is such a powerful thing.
And, I think a lot of these peoplehave good support around with family
and friends, but not many that havereally, can say they understand, right?
You have friends and family who tryto understand, they can't really
(18:24):
unless you walked in those shoes.
So being able to step in andbe that source of understanding
has made a huge difference.
When you talk to somebody who's walkingthrough grief, you go, Am I crazy?
Am I crazy to think this way?
Am I crazy to feel this way?
And you hear from others, no,that's exactly how I felt.
And also you can see people whohave, are years ahead of you and
(18:47):
say, okay, They've done this.
I can do this too, right?
And just things they'velearned along the way.
And yes, I think it's, we providehope, we provide understanding,
we provide compassiOn.
and we just provide themtruly a circle of care.
I think the other interesting thingthat I particularly found was that,
(19:08):
in my experience, this turned mywhole life as I knew it on its ear.
It's like nothing ever happened.
It's the same.
I didn't think the same.
I didn't react the same, and I,sometimes I found myself going, oh my
gosh, why, why, or things that I'vedone all of my life, I found, you're
gone, you're not important anymore.
(19:30):
And so let's talk about that becauseI think that is a key thing that
people need to understand is just howdramatic their life can change and
having that support to navigate it.
Oh, absolutely.
Having that kind of support,
just having people to lean on, right?
(19:50):
I'm sure you experienced this, that, youhad probably friends who were in the
fringes of your life who became right?
at your feet, right?
Didn't you experience thaT?
and then you also had friends whoyou thought would be there for you.
That just couldn't handle howhard this was for you, right?
And so they, they were ableto be there in different ways.
(20:12):
But, it's an amazing, when yousaid the priorities shifted, right?
Your priorities completely changed becauseyour whole world has flipped upside down.
You know, I remember the first timewalking into a restaurant and asking for a
table of four instead of a table of five.
And that, just about, I almost lostit, and there's moments like that,
(20:37):
that make you feel like, am I losingit to feel this way and to hear
others who say, no, I felt that way.
I understand that, and the next timeI went back and asked for a table,
it still hurt, but not as much.
And then the next time I went back andasked for a table, just so it's that just
encouragement to keep moving forward.
(20:58):
and it's just letting people know, yeah,you're not crazy, but you're not crazy.
What you're feeling is totally normal.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you find helped you andyour family the most in dealing
with this, navigating this
incredible loss of Taylor?
(21:18):
Yeah.
lost a child and having a griefcounselor who had walked that kind
of similar journey was very helpful.
But also just loving our children exactlywhere they were at that moment, because.
(21:44):
Grief is so up and downand it doesn't make sense.
Sometimes my husband and I weregrieving on completely different
paths, completely different paths.
I mean, we were just complete opposite.
He wanted to be aroundTaylor's friends all the time.
I couldn't be around Taylor's friends.
We were just so opposite.
And we were introduced to anothercouple who were 10 years ahead of us.
(22:05):
And I remember my first thought was, howhave they done this for 10 years, right?
And I just couldn't imagine that.
And I remember when she openedthe door, her and her husband
opened the door to greet us.
She was, dressed really cute,had a big smile on her face and I
was like, how are you doing this?
And they sat down with us and we werejust telling them about our struggle and
it's how we're grieving so differently.
(22:27):
And they said something that was justsuch a game changer for Todd and I,
and it was not this, it was a big ahamoment for me, but it wasn't like big.
And what they said was, you haveto give each other the grace to
grieve the way they need to grieve.
And it really woke us up becausewe've had such a strong marriage, but
(22:50):
we were not giving each other thatgrace, and to be able to just grieve.
And so from then on out, if heneeded to be around Taylor's
friends, that was great with me.
If I needed to stay in bed allday, he was okay with that.
And so we gave each startedgiving each other grace.
And then that extended, tothose around us too, because
people don't know what to say.
(23:12):
And sometimes they don't say, theysay things that are a little hurtful,
but, and so we started giving peoplegrace, knowing that we know they're
trying, we know they're trying.
And I mean, sometimes you just wonder whyin the world would you say that to me?
On the flip side of that, it'sthey're just trying to care for
(23:32):
us the best way they know how.
So that little word of grace reallystarted overflowing into things.
And it wasn't always perfect.
Don't get me wrong.
It wasn't always, that I nevergot upset or, never got irritateD.
I wasn't always giving graceas much as I'd like sometimes,
I think we were trying.
And that's really what it came down to be.
(23:54):
And cause you know, you and I both knowgrief can be very lonely because It
can be very lonely because sometimespeople don't know what to say,
so the option is forthem not to say a thing.
I'm just not going to say anything, right?
Which is actually worse becauseI'm already feeling so isolated and
(24:14):
on the island for you not to sayanything actually makes that island
even further away in the ocean.
And just recognizing that was also very,.
powerful.
And knowing that moving forward, how Iwould always step into that space from
now on out, like I would never avoidthat hard um, and I had a great example
(24:40):
of a friend that just showed up andshe was such a great example of this.
Her name's Daniela and Daniela, I didn'tknow she was just in our community.
And I remember she showed up, I thinka week and a half after Taylor passed
away and she rang our doorbell.
And I opened the door and she said,you don't know me, and I really don't
(25:04):
know you, but I know your story,and I just want to let you know, I
don't know what to say, but I'm here.
And that was the beginning of the mostincredible friendship, and it was such a
beautiful testimony to me to just showup, that was, when people ask me all the
time, and I'm sure you get this too,.
How do you help a friend who's grieving?
(25:26):
How do you help a friend?
And my advice is always, I alwaysthink of Daniela is just show
up, and show up in the hard.
Just ring that doorbell and it's greatto say, I don't know what to say, but
I just want to let you know I'm here.
That right there was so powerfulbecause there were so many people
that just were trying to fix me.
(25:47):
They wanted the Tara who Iwas before to be the Tara I
was when I saw them that day.
When they came to visit and I was acompletely different person, right?
So just being able to say, I don'tknow what to say and not try to
fix was the most beautiful gift.
so much.
A friend who could ever give it.
She's been that way ever since.
(26:08):
I'm glad you brought that upabout grace because that's such
a big thing in my life now.
And I learned that so well, exactlyfrom the situation you spoke about.
And I always thought, I know,People who haven't experienced
grief don't know what to say.
.They don't, if the only thing theycan relate it to is like losing their
(26:29):
pet, and you go, how can you comparemy daughter to losing your pet?
And, but then you, when you stepback and think about it, that's the
only thing they can relate it to.
So what they're trying to,what they're trying to do is to
relate, to be there, to connect.
(26:50):
And that's the essence of it.
So for me, it never mattered thatpeople got it wrong and said the
wrong things because I just loved that
they were there, that they wereshowing up, that they cared.
And
I was.
Yes, they tried.
I was, I loved that so much.
What about your children in this equation?
(27:12):
Because I was reading something theother day that was saying that quite
often, children get overlooked in thiswhole equation, people go straight to
the parents and go, how are you doing?
But they forget about how arethese children who are left behind?
How are they doing?
How are they coping?
How has
this affected their life?
(27:35):
They have become themost incredible adults.
And I think some of this isbecause of that experience.
They're very compassionate.
They're very empathetiC.
but back on the notion of peoplecaring for them, as a mom, it was
very difficult to step out of my griefto be a good mom during that time.
(27:58):
And it was such, I have toadmit that, I was in bed.
I could not function.
Grief wore me to the pointwhere I was a shell of myself.
Yeah.
I had friends and family whorecognized that and they stepped
in and I remember so many times.
(28:19):
We, they were my reason to get up.
I was getting up and packing lunches andthings like that and trying to be mom.
I was trying so hard, but sometimeswhen I'd go and pick him up from school
and come home, there'd be two littlegifts on the porch just for them.
I had friends who were step,stepping in just to say, we see
you, we know you're hurting too.
(28:40):
And so just knowing that.
That there were people in our communitywho saw Ryan and Peyton and their
pain was so amazing, they had a verygood support system to at school.
We had, the principal And, the schoolcounselor were always watching out for
them and making sure they were okay.
And, there were times we get calledfrom school because Ryan just was having
(29:05):
a hard day and we have to go get him.
And so it ebbed and flowed.
But as they got older, they're very proudof the work we're doing for Taylor's Gift,
but they themselves have become incredibleadults, incredibly incredible adults.
We had to just learn tolove them where they were.
And it wasn't always perfect.
(29:25):
We tried to get them therapy, butthey just weren't ready at that age.
I remember we tried to dosome counseling with them.
And I remember I think it was ourthird counselor that cause Todd and
I were just wanting to help them,and I remember the counselor said,
you can't force anybody to talk.
They'll talk when they're ready.
And so they talked to us is what they did.
(29:49):
And so we were their outlet.
It's been pretty amazing to watchthe incredible adults they've
become, and Peyton is a nurse.
She's a labor and delivery nurse.
And which is so amazingbecause that is what Taylor's
Heart recipient Patricia was.
was a labor and delivery nurse.
And a sweet story from that was whenPeyton, our daughter, graduated nursing
(30:12):
school, Joe, Patricia's husband, sentPeyton the stethoscope that Patricia used.
It's those little things.
So yeah, she, Patricia usedthat stethoscope to let us
hear Taylor's heartbeat.
Oh
And it's the same stethoscope thathe sent our daughter, Peyton, when
(30:35):
she graduated nursing school tobe a labor and delivery nurse.
So, very special and verykind and thoughtful of him.
gosh, There are so many incrediblethings that people do without being
asked that just come out of the woodworkand just being in tune with those.
I think it makes life so precious andso special, even in the worst of times.
(30:58):
And yeah, I love that.
I also love, that you spoke about howbroken you were afterwards, because when
you do something like something as bigand bold as Taylor's Gift Foundation, and
it's recognized so widely, people forget
sometimes that you were a broken shellof a person that, that you had to go
(31:23):
through those stages before you got to
what you're doing now.
Because like people say to me, you'reso strong, you're so courageous.
And I go,
on, on the surf, on the surface.
And, but yeah, no, behind the scenes,I was very messy and, yeah, not
many people got to see that at all.
Okay.
I'd love for you to share now, Tara, whatare the important aspects when you were
(31:49):
sharing your message, Outlive Yourself,what, what are the important aspects of
that message that you are wanting people
to know?
So outlive yourself reallycomes from leaving a lasting
difference in the lives of others.
And, for Taylor's Gift Foundation,that's very focused on the organ
(32:10):
donation piece, but there are somany ways to outlive yourself, right?
What you're doing, Helen, isoutliving yourself because
you're making such a difference.
There's so many ways, giving a smileto somebody, can completely outlive
yourself because that carries on.
So there's so many waysto outlive yourself.
And I think it's such a greatconversation to have in your home, to
(32:32):
find out not just, end of life wishes,but how do you want to be remembered?
What is your outlive yourself moment?
What's your leaving lasting difference?
And it's different for a lotof people, for everybody.
it's different becausethat's a personal thing.
But I think, it's reallyabout this leaving a lasting
legacy, a lasting difference.
(32:53):
And, that happens in so manyways, too, by just helping others.
I'm speaking to a group on Monday,and they help a lot of senior
citizens in tough times, right?
Just sitting with these people andlistening to them and caring for them
is that's outliving themselves, right?
(33:13):
Being present with peopleis outliving yourself.
So there's so many beautiful ways todo that You know for Taylor's gift It's
very focused on the donor family andthe registering to be an organ donor to
save others lives, but if that meaningcould be also powerful in different ways.
Yeah, and I think people have thisperception that something like outliving
(33:38):
yourself has to be this grand gesture.
But I love that you've taken itback to these everyday kindnesses
that you provide to others.
Because that's the other thing, that'sbecome big in my life is being of service.
And, again, it's not a grand gesture.
It's like, how, what can I do in myday, in my week to help somebody else
(34:00):
go outside of myself, because I thinkwe can be too focused on ourselves.
And, ?But when you go outside, ofyourself and you help somebody, like
you say, just sitting down, spendinghalf an hour, having a chat with him,
that may have been the best thing.
in their
entire week, just to have
(34:20):
somebody go and do that for them.
It's life changing stuff.
Yeah.
It is.
I know, and it could be just as simpleas you're at the grocery store in line.
And you compliment the person
Oh,
yes.
just Oh my gosh, I, gosh,you look pretty today.
Or I love that.
jacket you have, or Hey,I noticed your necklace.
Tell me about that.
It doesn't have to be, a biggap of your time during the day.
(34:43):
It can be little simple things and younever know just how that little gesture
could be a game changer for someone intheir mood for that day, or just how
they feel just in that moment, even ifit's just a fleeting moment of, wow,
someone recognized me for a moment, or,wow, that was a really nice conversation,
it could be just as easy as that.
And you never know where those kindof rip, it becomes a ripple effect.
(35:06):
You don't know really where thatlittle nice little comment took that
person that day, you just don't know.
yeah, I love that.
And it's also has a ripple effect foryou as well, because you're giving that
out, it comes back to you, and in Spain.
Absolutely.
So you do lots of fundraisers and bitsand pieces with Taylor's Gift Foundation,
(35:27):
and I have to ask you, how does Singo
Bingo work?
How does that work?
So Singo Bingo is our annualfundraiser and it is super fun.
It is, a local fundraiser wedo in the Dallas area, Dallas,
Texas area, United States.
So if you have any listeners in this area,
that would be great.
(35:48):
Yep.
Yeah, that's great.
So what Singo Bingo is it's bingo combinedwith name that tune from songs of the
70s, 80s, 90s and it is so much fun.
So last year we did Singo Bingo for thefirst time and it will for sure be our
signature fundraiser from here on out.
(36:08):
It was a ball, because youknow what we talk about.
And what our mission is toprovide free grief support for
donor families is a heavy topic.
So we wanted, we providethese families hope.
And so we want to celebrate that.
And so that's what we celebrateduring our fundraiser.
Yeah, that's so good.
(36:29):
What haven't we talked about inthis past hour, Tara, that you would
like our listeners to, to know,
we're.
Always needing support, the demand forour service has exceeded our expectations.
So I would just suggest yourlisteners go to taylorsgift.
(36:50):
org and learn all about us, follow uson social media, because you can always
see what we're doing and up to, and justshare about our mission with others.
That would be just such a gift.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's loads of differentways they can do that.
I know going onto your website, it wasa surprise to me because there are so
many different levels, there's the, youcan just give a donation if that's what
(37:12):
you're comfortable doing, or you canbe, that caring support, for others if
you've been through a similar situation,or a volunteer in other forms, and yes,
yeah, there's so much you're offeringthere, and I think it's, just a wonderful
legacy to, to, to Taylor really.
That she's remembered in such a gorgeousway and, never forgotten because
(37:35):
that's the other thing is just becauseour loved ones are no longer here
physically, they never, ever leave us.
They're in our daily lives,our daily moments all the time.
And so for me, I just love, lovesharing that with others and
talking about that and lettingpeople know that's so important.
(37:56):
Yeah.
Yeah, so Tara I have a couple of questionsthat I always finish off my interviews
with and So the first one is what is thebest thing that has happened to you so far
today?
Today?
today
okay, so let me think about that.
(38:18):
Okay, probably the best thing thathappened to me today is that I was
introduced to a mom who lost her sonwhen he was 18, and it's been 18 years
since she has lost him and she and I hadso much in common when it came to how we
(38:38):
handled our grief and our personalitieswere so similar and it was just such a
great thing to find somebody Who reallyrelated, and completely understood and
how we laughed and laughed about just theLife, and we were silly, and it was fun,
(39:03):
and it was just such a fun hour and a halfcoffee that we cannot wait to do it again.
Even though we had these horrible,tragic things happen, we were able to
bond on such a deep level so quickly.
And then just started talking aboutother things, which made us laugh,
not even related to grief, that webecame really good friends who were
(39:25):
bonded by this tragedy and we bothhad, and really just went outside that
and really had a great time together.
And we both left so joyful to just havea new wonderful friend in our life.
And so it was just areally fun part of my day.
That's so beautiful.
I love that you just said that becausethe other thing too is that this
(39:48):
is it, to get to that stage in yourgrief where you can have happiness
and joy and it doesn't detract atall from what you've experienced, but
you learn to accommodate everything.
And, I think that's so beautiful.
That's what we want people to see,that it is possible to move into that
(40:08):
space.
Eventually.
Absolutely.
And don't get me wrong, ofcourse I have bad days, right?
And I miss her horribly.
Where I am now, and I hope thisgives someone hope, is that those
bad days don't last as long.
yes,
the beginning of grief, a bad day canset you back for days and days and days.
(40:32):
But sometimes now, when I have abad day, I may be down for a couple
hours and then I can be back up.
So I'm able to bounce back so muchquicker and put a smile back on my face.
For example, this pastFriday was Taylor's birthday.
She would have been 28 andI was really blue that day.
(40:53):
But then the next day I was great.
I was, had that joyful spiritagain and year that shows so
much to me how much progress.
I've done because years ago, herbirthday would have taken me down, right?
Her birthday this past Fridaywas full of memories and I was
(41:14):
blue, of course, because I missher, but it didn't take me down.
I was able to really sit in thememory of her and, love her from afar.
And I also feel having this foundationin her name is also a way I spend
time with her and honor her.
So that has helped too.
That has really helped too.
Thank you for sharing that.
(41:36):
What is something thatyou are most grateful for?
Oh my goodness.
Hands down, my family.
My wonderful husband, my three,because I will always be a mom
of three, wonderful children.
And I'm grateful for our newgrandbaby, middle name, who's, thank
(41:58):
you, whose middle name is Taylor.
So that's so grateful for that.
So gratefuL for that.
A bit sad, a bit, missing them intensely.
How do you pivot out of those moments?
What's your
go to shift your
energy?
(42:19):
I don't really force it.
I, a good distractionfor me is to go outside.
to connect with a friend,just to step outside.
If I'm in the chair and just, super sad,I'll maybe move to the couch, something
to just, not shake myself out of it,but help me take the step forward,
(42:40):
because you really can't predict it.
You really can't predict whatwill trigger it sometimes.
I remember being in the grocery store andseeing her favorite cereal and losing it.
Now I can go buy her favorite cereal andsee it, and go, Oh, she loved that cereal.
She loved it, and it doesn'ttear me down so much.
So that sting of grief comes and goes, butit doesn't last as long as it used to,
(43:03):
And I don't think there's anythinglike if I'm down, it's okay, if I
need to do this to get me out of it.
Just, sometimes I think it's reallyimportant just to sit with it and
know that it's okay to feel that wayand not rush going, I guess I need
to go outside to shake myself up.
No, sometimes you just got to bethat way and it's really okay.
(43:24):
If I go outside and walk to themailbox or, see the beautiful
weather, sometimes I come back in andI still feel blue and that's okay.
It's not like I go outside andall of a sudden I'm better.
I know that better is comingand that's really, I think, has
been just a beautiful progressis I know better is coming.
(43:48):
Sitting with it and having thehope that better is coming.
That's beautiful.
I'm going to ask you anotherquestion because, what you were
just saying just touched Me.
With your experience,
what do you think is the greatestthing you've learned from it?
wow.
(44:09):
You know that I think that I'm strongerthan I ever thought I could ever be.
Um, When feel like if something likethis ever comes your way, you don't
think you'd ever be able to handle it.
And I think, honestly, you're a lotstronger than you think you are.
(44:30):
And.
It's amazing how we, as the humanrace, and especially moms who have
lost a child, we can do hard things.
We can.
And things that will come yourway from here on out, you know
you have done something reallyhard, and so you can do this too.
(44:52):
So I think resilience has probablybeen the most, a ha for me.
I'm a lot more resilient than Iever gave myself credit for, right?
and I think everybody has that.
I think everybody has thatkind of spark of resilience.
And sometimes you don't know you have ituntil you're faced with something hard.
Yeah, sometimes we don'thave the opportunity to get
(45:15):
to know ourselves, do we?
Until something like this happens.
And then, we really then get to knowwho we are, and how we work, and how
we operate, and how we think, and that.
Oh, Tara, gosh, what an absoluteprivilege it has been to spend this
time with you to discuss your beautifuldaughter Taylor and the Taylor's
(45:36):
Gift Foundation that you've set up.
Just remind us again how people canfind out more about the wonderful
inspirational work that youare doing with this foundation.
Yeah, they can go to taylorsgift.
org.
You can learn all about us.
You can get our book there on taylorsgift.
org and see some other,things that we have.
(45:57):
For example, Nike partnered with usand created these Outlive Yourself
socks, so we have those too.
And, which is really special becausethe blue on the sock reflects the
color of Taylor's eyes and there'sfive stripes on them that, give
honor to the five lives she saved.
So it's been really special.
And you can just see the work wedo with our grief support program
(46:19):
and the families we've helped.
And, just hope that, gives peopleinspiration that, we're doing
good work for others that need it.
Yeah, you are.
You truly are.
Your whole entire family is such aninspiration and, I'm sorry that you had to
go through this to, to, get to that point.
But, what a privilege.
I think, like you said, sharing is helpingothers understand that, the space I'm
(46:44):
in is totally okay to be in that space.
And by speaking to you today,you've just shared so many
gems, Oh gosh, I'm grateful.
I am grateful that I get to speak topeople like you and share your stories.
And I want to thank you so much for takingthe time to be with me today to do that.
(47:05):
Well, thank you for having me.
It was a joy.
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