BKP #361 [中] 陈摩诘, 用能量来检验我的状态

这是陈凯的第三次上我的电台，Episodes 215 和250，之前也是聊攀岩和一些比较哲学的想法。今天他来聊做攀岩教练的一些观点，然后对沟通的一些看法。

想学攀岩的可以在 微信视频号和小红书搜：陈摩诘，穿黑色的头像。

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
我是Arthur
欢迎来到我的电台
and这是陈凯
陈凯 很久不见
hello 大家好
hello
哎 我有个问题
嗯 我可以使用我小红书那个名字吗
当然可以
大家好 这是陈摩诘
hello 大家好，我是陈摩诘
我是个攀岩教练
嗯 最近怎么样
最近还不错
我觉得有在变得越来越好
really 嗯
你是去年开始做攀岩教练的是吧

(00:30):
在 Neverest
对 应该是从去年开始
在NR开始做更多的教学 对
为什么开始教攀岩？
其实这样
我本身是一个爱好者
嗯 然后呢
因为我比较擅长给别人Beta
所以会很多人希望我教他们
所以我就干脆去考了一个教练证
就是是已经有人希望我教
所以我就考了证

(00:51):
然后开始给他们上课
是这样吗
啊证非常好考
我有些我有些同学甚至没有攀过岩
也能考出指导员证 很好考
哈哈哈所以你攀岩攀多久
上次跟啊大白的时候
嗯 你应该是有说过
跟大家再说一次吧
OK 我应该是‘16 ’17开始攀爬

(01:13):
到现在其实快十年了
已经忘谈
嗯 yeah 非常久
然后也只是最近两年才开始教课
是的 我觉得是这样
就是之前不会有这个概念
啊哈
之前只想自己玩的开心呀
但是现在发现
就是能够带别人一起玩
对我来说是一件很棒的事情
所以我也能够从中得到一些快乐
我最近发现

(01:34):
因为我也攀爬的比较少
嗯 可是我攀爬比较少的原因就
是因为我感觉以前那群人
大部分都已经退坑了
然后还存在的我们也比较少玩在一起
导致
嗯

(01:54):
就攀岩这个东西就变比较不social了
比较没有认识的人
每一个馆人太多了
我一进来的时候感觉
哎我一个人都不认识
就没有以前的那种
我去什么馆一大堆都认识的人
我觉得是因为现在管太多了
就是现在大家很分散呀
然后我有些朋友

(02:15):
他们可能因为工作越来越忙
然后他们会更多应酬
身体就变得不是那么的舒服
对对对对对就是嗯忙着减肥知道吗
对哈哈哈
然后就暂时没法攀岩
对
然后我其实我非常喜欢大家一起攀岩
但我之前也有过很长段时间
我会自己一个人黑练
啊哈我两个都体验过这种

(02:36):
然后是这样子的
当一项
我这项爱好对我来说已经快10年了
yeah其实我是有一点点腻的
嗯我可以这么说
所以我一个人黑练也好
或者跟朋友一起爬也好
其实会有点点无聊
嗯所以当我开始带着一些人
然后他们学会一些东西之后
他们说啊老师我明白了
原来是这样攀爬
原来是这样发力的时候

(02:57):
他是很有成就感的
嗯当然你教的时间越长
这个成就感会变得越淡
yeah就跟上班一样了
其实就是会变得越来越无聊
嗯
那你觉得作为一个攀岩教练最重要的几个点是什么
我觉得首先你得有一套非常成熟的一套体系

(03:18):
一套理论
你得有一套自己的理论
这样子的话你
才可以 就是说
你有一个程序
去按步骤慢慢的教给学生
你不能
可能有些人他自己爬的还不错
但他没有想过
我到底为什么可以爬的很好
嗯 那他只有只会让学生去攀爬
那这样子的话
你如果没有一个体系的话
学生自己会很苦恼
到底该怎么练

(03:39):
这是一个问题
你必须非常清楚的知道
然后第二点
你得能够观察出学生的问题
嗯 我我
其实我最近很想做一期小红书的内容
就是说 不要听随便听别人的建议
哪怕是他是你的教练
因为因为是这样
很多教练或者是很多成熟的研友
他的Beta只适合他自己
对

(03:59):
你 比如我是一个臂展非常长的人
而且我腿很有力
那么如果你不是跟我一样腿很有力
不是臂展特别长的话
其实我的备胎你是不适合的
我完全同意
对的 所以我在教很多女生的时候
我是不会用自己的方式去教的
嗯 我会按照她们的力量
她们的身高去教
那么其实我觉得回到我刚刚说的
呃 那其实最重要的是第三点

(04:20):
是同理心
嗯 就是你到底是在给学生上课
还是给他们表演呀
你是一个教练
你还是一个演员耶
教练
你要做的就是让他们进步的同时
我觉得得到些快乐
嗯 因为我们不是职业运动员
你的学生不是来参加就是奥运会
世界杯的
对的 对吧
所以他们想要进步
他们也想玩的开心

(04:41):
那么你给他们进步的同时
让他们稍微开心一点
我觉得这个很重要
所以同理心
他看似很简单 三个字但其实很复杂
你要会分析他们的情况
你要当时给他们一些建议
他们得到反馈
可以啊 有些改变他说我们能明白
然后给他一些情绪价值
我非常喜欢鼓励学生
对因为我觉得就像我说的
我们不是运动员

(05:01):
我们不是参加世界杯奥运会的
大家来只是来玩的
所以我觉得玩的开心的同时
学到一点东西就OK
你知道很多人不吃这套的
就是有一些朋友
我很多朋友
嗯包括我自己
嗯
你鼓励我
其实是我个人是觉得是在害我啊

(05:23):
我从小是游泳队的
所以我很习惯教练在那边骂我
嗯他说你这个错那个错那个错
你怎么这么烂
就这种环境对我来说是有帮助的
可是有一些人就很吃鼓励性
哇你好棒
然后有一些人很吃你怎么这么差
你怎么这么笨

(05:44):
就这种这种人都有
所以我觉得很难同理心大家
首先
如果我在教一个人或者两个人的时候
我会根据他们的性格
我觉得因材施教也叫无类
就是有些人
他就更加喜欢你去激励他
yeah对吧
就是你会说你怎么今天爬的这么差

(06:05):
yeah他就会变得更好
yep但是我接触的很多学生里面
嗯 我觉得我能观察到很多人
他需要更多的鼓励
嗯就是我的习惯
一般是我会先告诉他
你哪里做的非常棒
先给他一个优点
再告诉他
什么地方做的你可以变得更好
嗯我觉得这个东西跟每个人
他天生的抗压能力有关系呀
对虽然我觉得是这样

(06:27):
呃你去卷他
你去 激励他
他能爆发出潜能
但是他这段运动的生命力
他那个内心的能量会不会耗竭
会不会有一天他说教练
我再也不想爬了
对不对 这其实很重要
就是嗯
我不知道你小时候是不是说
你相对来说抗压能力比较强
所以哪怕教练说几句你也OK
但如果一个小孩子
他比较内心比较敏感

(06:48):
嗯 老这么说他的话
我觉得他很容易放弃
你觉得呢
对不对
就是每个人根据他天生的抗压能力
一定是嗯呀
啊我从小就被骂
所以我感觉我这个东西是
我现在很吃这套的
就经常就是啊
教练骂了我那我那我一定要进步
那我一定要做更好
嗯最近在柔术馆

(07:09):
嗯有一个有我有一个很好的教练啊
叫Jose然后Jose跟我说儿子
你竟练了这么多年
你这个动作还没学会啊
这很不应该的
然后就我当时so sad我心里
然后后面再想的确啊
我怎么练了这么久

(07:29):
怎么这个动作还不会啊
其实也不是那个动作我不会
只是他分了每一个阶段
我突然哎有点乱了
然后我在想我全部放在一起我没问题
可是你要我一步一步一步走
我好像有点乱
那就表达我对这个动作没有那么理解

(07:51):
我还是需要努力
把这个东西再重新再想一遍
然后分析完我就觉得他他说的没错
我应该要多了解这个动作
然后第五
练了七八年了还没有把这个动作理顺
是有确实有一点问题
所以我很喜欢教练说指出来
你这个是有问题

(08:11):
你应该要
改变 你要变更好
哦 好像是这样
我觉得你的话启发了我
no首先啊
如果我一个学生爬了七八年呀
他一些动作还不会的话
那我觉得
我们可以暂时不用那么的特别的
鼓励式的
我们可以稍微
就是说怎么还不会
对不对 我们可以稍微激励一下
就是你让我想到
就是说其实
我们仍是一个

(08:31):
会突然发出一些情绪的一种生物
嗯 如果这个人身上
我今天看到更多是个惰性
他其实就是觉得他不自信
他觉得我就是过不去yeah
那其实他这会他需要的不只是鼓励
你需要一些激励yeah
但如果他这会表现的是有点自卑
就已经超过了不自信了
他说我是不是就是不行啊
他的自我怀疑非常强烈的时候

(08:52):
你如果说你怎么这么不行
那么你会加深他的这种自卑感
那这个时候他如果自卑太多
我会鼓励他
我说你没问题
你只是发力方式有点小小的误区
我们改一下对吧
他如果只是今天想偷懒
那不可以
那我就会不会那么的温和
我还会稍微的严肃一点
我觉得每个人身上
我们每天都不一样耶
马丁的早晨

(09:12):
对不对 那今天就是不一样的
每个人都不一样
所以就是每天都不一样
每天都不一样
每一秒我觉得都不一样
嗯 你得根据他的状态
所以我觉得同理心很重要
因为你要观察耶
要观察你能看出他的情绪变化对的
嗯 很难
我觉得这个是教练最难的一个点
因为你每天都需要很敏感

(09:33):
对你的学员都很
敏感 然后有的时候
说实话 我教游泳教了那么久
嗯 有的时候
我就不喜欢这个学生
我就不喜欢这个学生
可是他一直来好
那我们就一直教
然后有的时候我不想同理心这个人
可是你的job就是要做这件事
嗯 你有的时候就是要了解

(09:54):
他为什么今天想偷懒
他为什么今天有什么问题
你every day都需要了解你的学生
是很累的一件事
然后我觉得一个我们还没说到
是沟通能力
嗯 我以前教练
基本上大部分是没有怎么沟通能力的
特别是游泳教练

(10:14):
是沟通能力
我觉得都是他们的短板
因为你在游泳池
游泳池很大声
你只能说一些比较粗暴
大大概的一些东西
明白 因为你要跟50个学生
60个学生这样子go啊
你这个做错很多人是听不到的

(10:36):
你只能做很比较宽泛的一些
嗯 引导
所以
很多游泳教练是偏不怎么会沟通的
可是我觉得沟通能力是特别重要
然后我学了现在柔术
拳击这些东西
我发现
柔术教练真的沟通能力特别好

(10:58):
他们可以细分到这个动作是什么
90度 45度这样子
都细分到很细很细很细
然后让你很清楚的把这个动作做出来
在游泳池是很难做出来的
他们只能在岸边给你表演一下
然后最最夸张就是把大家拉出来

(11:19):
50个学生全部都拉到岸上
然后细说
一个东西应该是不不常做的
也不应该这样做
可是沟通能力我觉得是特别重要
我明白你的意思
嗯 我觉得如果
你我们面对的是一个超大游泳池
有几十个人情况下的话
你不可能做到具体的沟通的

(11:40):
呃 我前段时间也做了一次培训
我一个人带了30个人哦
就是潘彦强耶
我首先我嗓子会哑掉
对 我后面讲不出话
其次是我其实记不清
我到底教了哪些人
我根本记不清
我只能尽量的就是说
有问题直接讲出来
对 超大声
我还没有喇叭啊
我说你这里不对那里不对
因为你没有时间去细细的讲
对 这是一个问题

(12:00):
那么这个东西
我觉得跟我们具体的运动的场所
种类也有关系
但如果你是一对一带一个学生的话
那其实它性质是不一样的
对的
我觉得
如果你是一个人教几十个人的话
其实你要做的应该是筛选
或者是你去普及
嗯 它不是一个精细化的训练
但如果说做到
我们教练去带一个学生的话

(12:22):
那我觉得
我们再回到那个沟通能力的问题
其实嗯
我觉得这样子
我最近有个观点
就是我们很多时候
我们人
是被我们情绪所影响的一种生物
就是有的时候你讲的话
你沟通你表达的东西其实不是你
而是你当下的情绪啊
对 比如说我很同意

(12:42):
我有我有些点
我对学生
我的学生其实他不认同
他给我一个坏情绪
也许我会突然就嗯
他为什么这样讲我
让我不开心了
我给他一个坏情绪 嗯
其实这个时候一旦有情绪
就是说
他比你的表达能力更高的情况下
你无法表达
你无法沟通
你会被情绪所控制
所以我的观点就
是说 当然这个非常难

(13:04):
首先你要有一定的情绪稳定的
一些控制的东西
你不能被你的学生给带走
嗯 对吧
他今天不开心
他跟你唱反调 yeah
然后你不开心了
你跟他唱反调 yeah
那今天就教不出任何东西了
对的
这个很就是
首先你肯定是得情绪非常控制的好
然后其次是你要知道的是 嗯
学生听不懂我们的话是正常的

(13:24):
我觉得是非常正常的
me too他
不然就不是学生了
对的 对不对
所以说你要讲的不是你的观点
而是用他能听懂的方式去告诉他
他怎么能做到
我觉得有一些人在老师也好
教练也好
嗯 你会觉得我讲的是对的
你怎么就听不懂呢
嗯 但是对他来说

(13:44):
他没有概念
他不知道什么是对错
他完全不了解
所以你能不能把自己变成跟他一样
假设你也什么都不懂的状态下
给他普及一个点
这其实很重要
能不能放下一些姿态
嗯 我觉得很多人我
我们在成长的过程当中
我们的自我保护也好
我们的自恋也好
其实会变得越来越强
有的时候你其实会看不到别人

(14:05):
我觉得这是正常的
嗯 看不到别人反而是正常的
我觉得看见反而是很难的嘛
所以说我觉得沟通能力的话
就是你能不能把他当成把你的学生
当成跟你一样的人
嗯 去讲他能够理解的事情
不就是同理心吗
对的 就是同理心
但是也是一种一种选择
嗯 就是
你得时刻提醒自己
就是我

(14:26):
最终不是为了跟他去辩驳一些道理的
人对我只是想给他教
给他一些东西一些经验
让他可以变得更加
你不能说更好
至少更加熟练一些一些东西
嗯我觉得只是传道授业嘛
对不对就是
我觉得
人有的时候会容易去关于一些对错啊
一些观点去辩驳起来呀

(14:48):
所以我就是尽量做到不去争辩
只是多给一些分享一些东西
我觉得就只能这样
这是我的沟通的一个心理状态
我教游泳
最难的一个点就是教一些小白
嗯我觉得我教小白是最难的
因为我从很小很小就开始游泳了

(15:08):
嗯我将近忘了不会游泳是什么感受
嗯嗯所以有的时候他们说这个东西
就他们飘都不能飘的时候
我想象不到我怎么同理性
一个飘都不会飘的人
就基本上是你是个砖头

(15:29):
我是一块木头
我们怎么沟通就很特别难
因为已经太久了
然后我要想如果我不会飘
那我应该会有什么想法
然后把自己放在他们的
那个砖头的这个位置里
是特别难的
然后需要花很多时间在想
那我应该如果我是他

(15:49):
我在想什么
我应该要做什么
就这个这个点
我到现在我都很不喜欢交小白
就是这个原因
我宁愿交一些要比赛的朋友
然后准备比赛
我只需要修改123就OK了
然后我给你三节课
把你123全部都解决完
go你走你的

(16:10):
我走我的
我最喜欢这种课
可是现在很多朋友会说啊
我完全不会游泳
你帮我看
首先我问一下啊啊
漂是指 我不游
就是漂在水面上
对 我就不会
你不会
嗯我
我记得我大学的时候
我们有节课是叫抱膝浮水
嗯 就是抱着膝盖
待会飘在水面上 yeah

(16:31):
然后我直接沉下去了
我不知道为什么
所以如果你教我的话
会很地狱
会很可怕
我就什么都做不到 不
我有我知道那个理念
对吧 我知道
你的你的
巴黎的一个中心在哪
如果巴黎的中心偏上
应该要怎么搞
这些概念我都是懂的
可是这个人怎么从他现在的状态

(16:54):
到我要他的那个状态
有的时候挺难的
因为我觉得这个对
在我的心里
这个叫feel
嗯 这就是一个水的一个感受
你feel这个水
你知道你在哪飘着最舒服
这个是一个传达不了的一个概念

(17:15):
就是
我也是累积了三十几年的一个才会
我才知道我的waterfield是什么
可是有些人没有啊
他才刚开始啊
那我要洗掉我三十几年的
然后同理心
这个人有时真的很难
有人说我就在那边

(17:36):
i don't know然后我也try
飘着 像他那样子飘
然后有人说
就做不出来 就很难
我觉得这个会经常发生呀
就是嗯
我经常会觉得
我讲了一个非常简单的动作
对 但是他就是做不到
嗯哼对吧
那你有的时候觉得这都做不到吗
呀呃
我觉得这样想是很正常的

(17:56):
但是我其实后来我的感受是
如果我们去体验一个
我们非常不擅长的运动
如果我们被教练这样对待的话
我们的体验感其实会非常糟糕
嗯 对吧
嗯 就是
你能否用对方的呃
那个角度
那个身份来想这
个事情其实我觉得也还蛮重要的
yeah然后我就想起一件事情

(18:18):
我在还不是教练的时候
可能在我刚爬第一年的时候
我有带一些朋友去体验
那会我不会教
OK然后我就接朋友去了一次
之后再也不愿意去了
因为我不知道该怎么带他去爬
yeah然后他觉得很糟糕
他觉得攀岩这个运动不行
我不喜欢
不适合我
对的嗯
我现在怎么说呢
我觉得回到一个很重要的点

(18:39):
就是说 首先
因为教练只是我的一个副业
嗯 我不是在那边上班
我不是说所有人
他付了钱
我必须要教他
对的 这个很重要
嗯
所以我现在会选那些对我非常有礼貌
他会 他也愿意跟我好好沟通的人
这个很重要
如果我在一个研管上班的话
碰到一些我觉得你说的不对啊
我觉得你这不行啊

(19:00):
就是你碰到这样的学生的话
你也会很难受
yes这个
就不是我能够静下心来
跟他沟通的那个事情了
我做不到
我做不到
因为我也不是一个脾气特别好的人
对的对
所以如果我能去选择学生的话
那我我在筛选完那些比较有礼貌
比较温柔的人之后
我会觉得
我是来帮助他们体验一项事情的

(19:21):
OK
我我到现在记得
我当年开始练泰拳的时候
已经是十几年前了
我教练
我的教练当时跟我们说了一些话
他说
也许你们以后不会一直练这个运动
但我今天教你的东西
你都可以一直拿来去练习
嗯 你可以练一辈子
you后面也许不会
再来我这个馆没关系
对
但你这些东西你后面可以一直去用它

(19:42):
但它就会成为我身体的一部分
嗯
如果我很幸运的我交了一些新手朋友
他们后面也许不会找我上课
甚至我们再也不会见面了 yeah
但是我交了一些东西
他们能用上
他们很开心
嗯
我觉得这这件事情其实还挺幸福的
你能懂我的意思啊
我完全理解啊
我觉得教练也就是这个身份

(20:04):
就应该给你一样东西
嗯 你今天用
明天如果也用
我就已经我觉得就已经赚了
就已经是好事了
很多教练我担心是说实话
就是他们在找一个人依赖他
嗯
这个是很大的一个问题
我觉得在健身行我经常看到

(20:28):
看到的已经夸张到
他们每一个动作教练都需要扶着一下
扶着一下卧推
前面几个几个rap
你真的需要扶住他吗
那他自己做的时候怎么办

(20:48):
没有你在那边辅助他
他突然感觉重了
第一反应就是 哎
我有教练的时候更好
我我的效果更好
这个就是很
mean的一个让他依赖你的一个方式
你做你做引体的时候
他在下面扶着

(21:09):
扶着你都看不到他在扶着
可是他在扶着
然后他在自己练引体的时候 哎
跟教练我能做7个
今天我怎么能做
只能做5个
是不是要多跟教练玩
就是明白你经常看到这种小动作
然后就觉得this is wrong
可是很多教练就是这个是我饭票

(21:31):
我需要他一直来
我觉得其实这点我们再回到
教练得认清楚学生的需求是什么
嗯 就是有些人他
其实我不是为了练得更好
我不是为了练得更大yeah
我是需要有人陪我聊天
给我情绪价值
i agree所以其实这是
那我只能说这样的教练很聪明

(21:52):
对吧 他很聪明 对
他了解客户的需求
创造了他们提供的东西
然后
两个人形成了一个比较强性的捆绑
嗯 但是哪怕这个学员不找这个教练
他也会去找其他的教练
嗯 对
这也是
我现在其实上课不是很多的原因
是因为我
我其实前段时间上了很多课之后
会有点累呀
因为大部分是新手学员嘛

(22:14):
你讲的理论其实是差不多的
你只是根据每个人的条件
去做这个修改
所以在讲了大量比较类似
雷同的东西之后呢
会觉得有点疲惫
因为我只想提供的是我的专业指导
我不想提供太多的陪伴啊聊天啊
鼓励的东西
因为鼓励已经很多了
对我来说
我本来就很喜欢鼓励人
所以我现在就是会觉得看缘分

(22:36):
如果碰到还不错
他就是真的很有礼貌的话
那我会愿意交
其他人我觉得就无所谓
对 所以我准备做一些网上的课程
嗯 因为这样其实更好普及
也更好被网爆吧
啊那没关系
我觉得你在网上发声
如果你被网暴了其实是应该的
不也不是应该是正常的啊

(22:56):
就是一定是你讲了一些话
我觉得是像我说的
太站在自己的角度嘛
嗯对吧
就是你比如说一句啊
有些人身体条件这么差
就不要运动了之类之类的
这个话里面他也许没问题嗯
但是他有一点点小小的傲慢对不对
就是你会用自己的想法去表达yeah
那那但是人家就是因为身体差

(23:17):
他就是想要运动
他想要身体变得健康一点
嗯
他可能不太适合一下子高强度的运动
但是怎么说呢
我们不要太站在自己的角度去看
因为像我们这样的人
其实有很多年的运动基础
我们学什么都还挺快的
嗯我们容易有一些自信心和成就感
但我见过那种极度不协调的学生

(23:37):
me too真的就是他
就是感觉就是他走路都有
像是小动物刚刚变成了人类
你知道吗
他不太会用
很可爱但是就是真的很难教
你不能说你就别练了
那我就是希望他能够
还是能得到一些些快乐
yeah那如果你讲的话就是你别练了
这个话如果你生活中可能问题不大

(23:58):
你放到网上一定会网爆你
当然你这个太过分了
嗯所以其实就是你能不能
就是不要太自我的方式嘛
对吧就还好
可是我觉得我说反的一个角度
人家在网上关注你
关注我就是想听我们个人的想法

(24:18):
而不是一个官方的想法
就想听因为我关注你的原因
就是因为我关注你
你的想法是最重要的
而不是哦我要一点大家都能用的知识
这个it's not for me我也不不合适
我说所以我觉得我能产出的

(24:39):
就是我个人最honest的一个想法
然后你们听不听是你的事
可是
我尽量就是产出我的最直接想法
给大家然后有的时候不好听
可是这 是我最最直接的一个想法
从我头脑直接到嘴巴

(24:59):
或是根本就别没有通过我头脑
就直接就啪出来了
我觉得有的时候这个是最值得的
因为你可以get到我是谁
那我有一个问题啊
可能有点尖锐
没问题 就是我们的前提是
那么观众想要听到我们个人的想法
会不会有的时候
其实你会为了个人

(25:20):
而去讲很多个人的想法
有一些就是你想我必须得尖锐啊 yeah
不然他不听我的了
那如果我跟大家都一样的话就不行了
对的 所以你会故意的
有一些人会故意的比较极端
对的 因为这样子的话
他的粉丝
那其实我们看到网上就是这样的人
他可能会吸引更多人嘛
大家听哦
这个人跟别人不一样

(25:40):
对 他讲的虽然有点过分
但是真爽
嗯 跟大家都不一样
我就要听他的
对不对 就是我觉得在做射眉的时候
你为了得到更多人的喜欢
万一你为了追求个人观点
而变成个人观点
其实也是会有一点点小问题
可是这种人
我猜不能长久来做

(26:00):
嗯 自媒体
因为他们会发现我这边很极端
那边很极端
可是总有一天你太极端的时候
你会发现这个人有很多矛盾
然后就会被人家
你看你前面的这个视频
这样子说
你怎么突然这样说
你这个矛盾你怎么怎么解释啊

(26:21):
然后你就不能长久
因为我就会觉得你不honest
你只要是按照自己的想法一直走
应该不会太出错
我觉得
这个就是我觉得现在最大的问题
就是大家不
怎么知道自己是谁
导致大家不知道

(26:41):
自己的一些想法是什么
导致他们不怎么会沟通
因为沟通能力现在我觉得特别是在
嗯我不知道应该是不是
在中国可是很缺会沟通的人
大部分人能说几句
然后被反驳的时候不会了

(27:04):
就不会沟通了
导致他们越来越不想沟通
然后就说
啊我是个矮人
我不怎么擅长沟通
我是一个有自闭症的人
我不适我不适合沟通我太高冷了
我不合适沟通
导致就很多人不想沟通了
你感觉到吗

(27:26):
嗯首先这一上面我还有一些发言权
是因为
我是一个从i变成一人的一个人
哦对这个我也有想法
go for it啊
所以我觉得这东西它其实怎么说呢
我现在回看我我以前是INTJ
嗯现在是ENTP
嗯然后我回看我以前是爱人的时候
我会觉得
那个时候
我只是有非常强烈的自我保护的需求

(27:48):
嗯我会担心跟他人过多的沟通
遭到别人的反驳
遭到别人的不喜欢和不认可
嗯所以我其实会有很长段时间我想
那不用说了
只要我不说
就不会有人去质疑我
就不会有人反驳我
我觉得这是一个非常正常的心理需求
嗯因为保护自己嘛
对然后我为什么能变成艺人呢

(28:10):
后面因为我
我看了一些小小的心理学的书
然后我得出一个结论
其实大家都不怎么样这是我的观点
其实大家都不怎么样呀
就是网上有句话
就是世界是个草台班子
我认同这句话
我觉得每个人都是就是每
个人只能在自己的专业领域还OK
但其实你放到其他地方
他可能会不懂装懂
或者怎么怎么样
嗯当你 呃

(28:31):
越来越真的意识到这件事情之后
我其实对别人的的言论和观点
会变得越来越不在乎
OK
网上这个词叫去媚嘛
OK 对
然后然后我就开始变得
不论我讲什么
其实我没有那么去在意别人的看法
当然我不可能完全不在意
但是这是个过程

(28:51):
我在变得越来越不在意
嗯 然后我还看到一个很有趣的观点
就是说 当你说出一番话
别人给了你一些回应之后
你不要去想我是不是说的不对
我是不是怎么怎么样
把里面这个我换成你
嗯 你就想对方这个人
你是不是讲的话都是你的个人观点
嗯 就是
其实你不要去想我的事情
不要去想我是不是不对

(29:13):
而是想这个人是不是不对
你是不是不对
其实当你这样想了之后
你就会发现他
他讲一些话是有目的的
他是有需求的啊
一定是对的
他可能反驳你
是为了表现他自己的正确性
对的 你不对说明我对
嗯 当你这样清楚之后
你就会变得无所谓就无所谓啦
你怎么讲都OK啦
但是我一定要讲我的话出来
因为你只是为了表现自己而反驳我

(29:35):
那我还是会讲我自己的话
我也可以反驳你
嗯 其实这样子的话
我就会变得我我
当然我现在也不是一个很易的人
我只对我感兴趣的话题会去讲
如果我觉得一个场合大家无聊的话
我就回家了
你知道 吗
嗯就是
就只是变得不害怕去表达一些东西了
因为无所谓了
大家都只是在表达一些不一定正确

(29:57):
但是个人的观点
嗯所以会舒服很多
但我再回到你刚刚那个问题
就是我觉得我喜欢自己的改变
你记得开头吗
你问我怎么样我说我越来越好对不对
嗯呃
也许没有真的变好
但我只要希望我在越来越好
那我就会去做很多事情
这是一种希望
嗯对的所以很多人

(30:18):
他们会用爱人来解释很多事情
我觉得这是一种安全感不足
但是这是一个过程
嗯我觉得他们是要慢慢去练习的
也许有些人可以练习成功
他变得像我一样就无所谓
别人说什么东西他不在乎
但有些人
他因为得不到很多的能量的话
他只能暂时保持那个爱人的状态
嗯就还爱人其实还蛮辛苦的

(30:39):
你觉得吗
我有一点不相信
嗯嗯爱人一人啊
我觉得他们用的最官方的代表就是i
人是消耗能力啊
沟通沟通的时候会消耗
或是社交的时候会消耗自己
然后艺人是不会消耗自己

(31:00):
他是加加能量
something like that嗯可是
你要不把这个放在运动方面
你第一次或是不怎么会这个
这个项目的时候
这个运动的时候你当然在消耗
你消耗的很凶
你第一次攀岩的时候
你的能量是跌跌跌跌跌跌

(31:22):
嗯可是你越会攀岩
你用的能量就越来越少
其实我不觉得是有爱人一人
你只是会聊天跟不会聊天的人
然后你越聊的越多你越会聊天的人你
消耗的能量就越少
你就越来越变一人了
括号一人

(31:42):
可是我没有
我这个只是一个skill
你在学的
然后
大部分人现在根本就不学怎么聊天
他们已经忘了怎么聊天
更夸张 我有一个朋友
他跟我说我不喜欢small talk
我说small talk你觉得是什么
他就说 哦
你今天怎么样
吃饭了没有

(32:03):
你small talk是最重要的一个点
聊天的时候你没有small talk
你怎么聊得更深
你直接跳进去吗
你做爱你没有前戏吗
你你运动的时候不热身吗
你是需要这个small talk
一步一步一步走到深水区

(32:24):
可是很多人就说你没有目的
你你这个small talk是没有目的的
只是一个no
small talk是最重要的
我现在老了
我热身很多
我热身比真的运动的时间还多
有的时候
前夕最重要的small talk就是这个
前面的铺垫

(32:45):
慢慢慢慢来
可是现在大家又急又不会聊天
就觉得我直接跳到深水区
这是错的
难怪你不会聊天
难怪你消耗这么多
然后就说自己是艺人
不是啊 就是你不会聊天啊
你没学会啊
嗯 我想说一个点
就是我以前也不太喜欢smart talk

(33:06):
我喜欢一些
我喜欢深度的交流
yeah 为什么
我其实想说的是
我觉得我以前
可能现在还会有一点点
然后可能很多人也是
我们在等待着被人理解
被人喜欢
被人认可
所以日常的闲聊是没有用的
日常的闲聊
怎么能够体现出我是什么样的人呢
啊 你必须问我 我
的原生家庭

(33:27):
我的灵魂我的爱好我的梦想耶
对不对你必须问这种事情
嗯嗯hahaha就是
所以会网上很多所谓很文艺的人
yeah对不对
他们用这种方式去搭讪别人
或者怎么样
是因为聊深层话题的时候
可以更加打开一个人
yeah
um
但是我现在会意识

(33:47):
我们回到刚刚那个爱人跟亿人
嗯
如果你身边有个朋友是爱人的话
无所谓
你给他一个他擅长的领域和话题
他一定不爱了
对的
他可以聊一整天
如果如果你倾听的话
是的为什么很多爱人
所谓的爱人啊
因为我也不相信这东西
嗯
我觉得爱跟亿只是一种表现的形式
okay就我
我是我可以是一个艺人

(34:08):
那就像确实
如果是一个新手攀岩
他因为不擅长这个领域
他很容易觉得很累
yeah他会表现的哀一点
嗯哼如果我们是个艺人
在我们的领域里面OK
格斗也好
攀岩也好
我们会很自在
yeah那如果让你练一整天呢
一个简单的动作啊
你会觉得很无聊
哈哈哈哪怕我是艺人我也会崩溃的
嗯我我受不了无聊的聊天

(34:28):
我现在依然这样
就是如果他们聊的东西就是
我希望是有点日常
但是偶尔会来点有趣的梗
偶尔讲一点比较深刻的东西对
我觉得是很有意思的
嗯
如果他们讲的全都是我今天要吃什么
我昨天吃了什么
我会直接再见
我要回家
就是我会这样
我不会消耗我自己
对的所以我会觉得就是说嗯

(34:50):
如果你给一个爱人他一个擅长的领
域并且你倾听他
因为其实有些爱人是这样
他要慢慢的
才能去讲到自己擅长的领域嘛
yeah一人可以聊所有的话题
就理论上来说可以聊所有的话题
但是哎可能跟甘宁也有关系
所有的话题
因为我们不在乎
我觉得
我现在不是一个非常想要被理解

(35:13):
被认可被喜欢的状态
嗯所以我不需要说
一定是聊到我专业的领域才OK
嗯但是如果有些人
他被认可的还不够的情况下的话
他对于闲聊可能也不是很在意
我觉得我们可以做个调研
嗯就是所谓的爱跟艺人
你们对于日常的闲聊怎么看待啊
对不对 那可能有些艺人就是说
我不太喜欢一些闲聊

(35:34):
他很消耗我
我得回答一些我不喜欢的问题
yeah但如果你问他喜欢什么
他可能会觉得
啊我可以跟你讲很多
对然后你刚说到的沟通的话
因为因为我会
我很喜欢讨论原生家庭嘛
说我觉得
如果一个人他被看见
被认可的太少的话
他很难很自在地表达自己
对yes this is for sure

(35:56):
我同意的他没有这个能力的
嗯哼
对的我觉得我以前就是这么一个情况
被看见的太少
所以我会有一个比较哀的状态
我不要你跟我聊这些闲天
你别问我吃了什么
我也不在乎你吃了什么
你问我什么梦想你问我宇宙是什么啊
OK让我们聊一会儿啊因为你会了解我
我也会了解你啊
我终于不要被人看见了
我很激动

(36:17):
现在就是闲聊也OK因为你会知
道有些人他闲聊他也是想被听到
他想被人关心
所以他先关心你一下
他也希望你关心他
如果你不是很在乎你被不被看见的话
你会放松很多
这是一个放松的问题
我觉得是的
跟运动一样啊
嗯嗯嗯 我觉得运动也是

(36:39):
你越放松你越放得开
嗯 你这个运动你会做的越好
很多人就是放松不下来
我在游泳池也是
我我告诉你怎么漂
一大部分就是放松
一大部分怎么放松
可是很多人不管是在墙上
在地面上
在水里放不松

(36:59):
导致他们这个项目就是太费力
你在聊天的时候
你也是希望这个人放松
放松的这个过程大部分就是small talk
让你在一个比较舒服的
你知道这个answer的一个环境
让你慢慢慢慢哦

(37:20):
我放松了
我可能现在才可以开始聊到有趣的点
可是你需要这个前面的这个过程
你需要哦
你吃的什么
哦 我也喜欢吃这个哦
你是你喜欢这个东西吗
我也喜欢
或是哦 我对这个东西好像有一点
没有那么感兴趣
可是你有这个磨合的一个过程

(37:45):
你才能聊到更深
这个我觉得是跟热身
跟各样运动一模一样的
因为我觉得很多运动也是沟通
攀岩是跟墙沟通
格斗是跟你对手沟通
这跳舞是最明显的

(38:05):
你跳舞如果不放松
你的对你的partner也是不能放松的
嗯 因为你的每一个动作就硬邦邦的
你没有热身呢
你没有跟这个人打出一个默契
你就很难跳出anything
我刚想到一个点 嗯
我相信一定有很
多人他在一个人运动的时候

(38:26):
跟在被别人看着的情况下不一样
他一定是完全不同的状态
嗯我觉得这个可以拿来类比嘛
哈哈对吧
yeah因为而且有些人
你看他比赛的时候他会紧张
嗯他会想万一我动作做的不好看
万一我没成功怎么办
但有些人觉得你看我就看我嘛
对我就很厉害
你就应该看我的情况下
他会爆发出更大的能量

(38:46):
对不对 所以我会觉得嗯
那所谓我们的这个i
如果说
你被一下子突然被很多人看着你
你会紧张
害怕自己表现的不够好
对的所以我觉得嗯
比如说我有一些朋友
那么他本来还挺挨的
但是我们会带他一起玩
嗯每次给他拍视频
每次他爬的时候大家去看着他鼓励他

(39:08):
他其实会越来越舒适
yeah但是仅限于熟人间
但如果一个人
他在熟人之间可以变得非常的放松
嗯
那在陌生人中间他也可以相对放松
sure
那如果有些人
他在熟人间还是会有点紧张的话
那比赛或者陌生人当中yeah
我觉得他很难
对的所以我觉得

(39:29):
可是嗯现在很多人
我有遇到一个朋友
嗯他跟我说嗯
我不跟陌生人说话
我说OK
因为我问他你为什么现在还单身
他说啊我不喜欢跟陌生人说话
那我就问他
你刚刚进入这个公司的时候
你这些同事都是陌生人

(39:50):
你为什么跟他们说话呢
你刚刚去
你以前的这个最好的朋友
之前也是陌生人
你怎么跟他们说话
不知道
就不一样他
的回答就是就不一样
可是是一模一样的
你就需要踏出这一步 你需要
跟习惯 跟新的人沟通

(40:12):
所以这个small talk才重要
因为这个small talk是谁都百搭的
就你需要一点百搭的
然后慢慢
慢慢过滤
过滤 然后看你能聊到多深
如果你今天碰到一个陌生人
也还算比较善意
他突然说了一句
你这帽子好奇怪
我觉得你这搭配不伦不类的

(40:34):
就是他也不能说恶意
他就是就是这么想
啊
对的 great
那你没有觉得
很多人
如果在碰到这样的陌生人的时候
他会下次
哦 天呐
我我我受伤了
我中箭了
就是你要知道
我现在会觉得
大家其实的
很容易在一些陌生的人的身上
得到一些不太好的反馈

(40:54):
嗯 所以只要我不跟陌生人接触
只要我不去表达自己
我就是安全的
对啊
然后其实关于这些关于这点的话
我会有些考虑
就是说我以前也是这样嘛
因为我以前会觉得说
我不需要一般人理解我
对 大家不用理解我
yeah就是现在我还挺喜欢聊闲天的
me too我容易无聊
yeah对的
然后我就会跟别人聊

(41:15):
哪怕对方讲的一些话
其实我没有很喜欢
其实没有关系 yeah
it's okay
但这个需要练习
哦 对吧
我觉得这个是对我来说
因为我是练习出来的
嗯 我不是天生的
我是练习出来的
对的 就是你去练习
然后 呃
我之前的建议是
你得先从朋友那边

(41:35):
先把一些不喜欢鼓励你
只会讲一些不好听的话的朋友给筛掉
OK你先得到很多能量之后
然后你可以开始去跟更多人交流
能量很重要
我最近越来越有个感悟就是说
嗯我以前因为是INTJ的时候
我觉得解决问题是最重要的事情
嗯但是后来发现问题是解决不完的

(41:56):
对当你抱着解决问题的心态的时候
遇到一个事情遇到一些人
你去跟他解决你去跟他去沟通
好累休息
但是现在我会觉得
得到能量才是最重要的一件事情
okay你要从你的朋友你的爱好
你喜欢的领域里面
不断得到能量
嗯那
这样子的话
有些事情他可能都不敢来打扰你yeah

(42:18):
当你能量强的时候
其实他比解决问题更重要
嗯对的
所以我就会觉得陌生人这个事情呢
陌生人是有很大的概率的
他哪怕他讲的话是中性的
他没有说你不好或者你好或者怎么样
但是听起来可能也不是很好听
因为他不是你朋友
他不会在乎你的面子
可能就是他讲的话
就是你这个衣服怎么怪怪的

(42:40):
怪怪的不一定是贬义词对不对
就是在他眼里面就是
是他觉得怪怪的
嗯哼不是你不好或者你怪怪的
当你意识到这件事情之后
我现在跟陌生人沟通我只有两个需求
一个是我要讲梗
嗯看能不能他能听懂我的梗
或者给我也反反过来一个梗
或者是他给我一些信息
比如说如果我来找你家我找不到
那我问一个路人他说在那个小区

(43:02):
OK了
其他的他的个人观点跟我没有关系的
他喜欢表达嘛对吧
他说你你这个衣服怎么
小伙子怎么穿的这么素啊
或者怎么怎么样
因为他喜欢穿花的
那跟我没什么关系对不对
当你其实这样想的话
我我觉得会越来越舒服interesting
嗯
我跟你玩一个游戏好吧
OK啊
我因为我发现这个游戏我玩多了

(43:25):
哦你会发现每个人都不一样
其实每个人都不一样的时候
那他们的观点跟你的不一样是normal
okay啊
也是一个朋友教我的一个心理测试
我们玩一下
嗯嗯嗯you ready
okay okay
好
嗯想象你闭上眼睛吧

(43:46):
你想象你要准备出去徒步
出去徒步
你面前的这个山长得什么样子
形容一下
嗯
首先我想的应该是它会比较比较高
嗯有一点点险峻
但是我也能看到很多的森林对
他是比较丰富的

(44:07):
啊陡吗
嗯
最高处有一点
啊哈但是前面应该还好还好
对对对啊
路很长吗
有一点路有点长
嗯
啊所以这一条路比较长
然后有一些会比较难对吧
我觉得如果我想爬到最高处嗯

(44:28):
它可能会有点难
嗯OK然后你身你身边有5样东西
我们一个一个来过OK
哈哈哈身边有一只猴子猩猩
你形容这个猴子或猩猩
啊那一定是非常可爱的金丝猴啊
就是那种长得很好看
然后性格很乖巧那种
不会是那种抢我抢我东西的那种猴

(44:49):
啊
对然后他是牵着手吗
他跟你的距离呢
在我的肩膀上
肩膀上OK啊
他性格怎么样
嗯跟你的关系怎么样
非常可爱
嗯他很依赖我
然后我对他 也很好
嗯好然后啊你有个包
嗯这个包长什么样子

(45:11):
嗯既然徒步的话
我应该是背这个比较大的双肩包
容量比较大
有多大
嗯
几号几升
我我讲不出10升吗至少
嗯比我的一半还要再长一点点
啊对那没有那么大
那是最标准的一个徒步包吧
不是像过头的那种对吧
啊我我觉得可以过头

(45:33):
哦那可以从我的头到我的屁股
对的那就应该50升那样的
OK那蛮大的一个um满的吗
嗯我想想
差不多但是还要留一些空间
以防我想捡点什么东西装到我的包里
嗯cool啊然后是你背的对吧

(45:53):
对对OK
啊有一条蛇
哦这一只蛇长什么样子
嗯让我来想一想
其实我第一反应应该是那种比较凶的
类似眼镜蛇

(46:13):
嗯它有毒吗
有的有毒
嗯多大
嗯我觉得还挺大的
嗯其实我第一反应他应该很大
就是比一般的蛇要大嗯哼
嗯然后他跟你的距离呢
挡在我要前进的路上
啊

(46:34):
啊他是
okay
我们先到这吧然后有一条有一只鸟
okay鸟呢它在哪
鸟的话
在天上有一只老鹰
它这只鸟是老鹰对吧
嗯啊它大吗
很大很大然后离你比较远嗯是的

(46:57):
啊它在干嘛
跟你的关系怎么样
他看到我遇到了危险
所以说蛇又正好是他的猎物
所以他很有可能可以来帮助和解救我
啊nice然后最后一个东西是一条绳子
你这个绳子在哪
嗯

(47:18):
缠在我的腰上
然后另外一端在我的手上
嗯嗯长吗 这条绳
嗯我觉得是长的长的
对很实 用很实用模块
嗯cool
好啊睁开眼睛啊
好哈哈哈
我们分析一下吧
好好这座山嗯
他形你形容的其实是你的life

(47:40):
嗯你对生活的一个看法
嗯 有一些地方会比较现在比较轻松
可能后面会比较陡
比较难嗯
这对你你现在对自己的啊life的看法
再again
这个这个心理测试其实是一直会变的
明白吗 所以今天这样
可能下周又不不一样了
对吧 这只猴子

(48:02):
那只猴子会欣喜
其实是你的对象
你喜欢的女人大概是这样的
可能比较意外
你比较可爱
可是你会对他特别好
嗯
um然后你的包是你的责任心
你很有责任
你觉得它是满满的
然后是一个人包着
你知道我有多少朋友

(48:23):
嗯这个包是放在男朋友身上的
哦这个包是放在地上的
我根本就不带包我
或是我的包很小
no你你的包又满又大
所以很有责任感嗯
舍有两个有两个意思
一个是钱
一个是小三

(48:45):
这样啊
有毒的话就是小三
就是另外一个女人
这个女人刚好挡在你的路上
所以
可能你对女人跟你的这一条life的
是有一些不友好的
这个这个女人一有毒
然后她又大又长

(49:05):
就真的挡住你很多life的路
明白
啊 鸟在天上飞
它离你有点远
嗯 可是它偶尔会过来帮助你
嗯 就把这些女人赶走啊
可是它离你比较远
嗯 就是
导致你maybe跟未来的孩子有一些距离

(49:28):
啊这只鸟是你的孩子
合理
然后最后一个是绳子
绳子你说没有那么长
对吧 嗯
可是使用
然后绑在自己身上
嗯 这个是
你现在是觉得你被捆绑了
你现在在一个地方
可能你离不开
你被被自己捆绑了

(49:49):
一只在你手上
另外一只在你腰上
只被自己捆绑了
明白
而不是被别的东西捆绑
是自己在绑着自己
准不准
我非常喜欢最后绳子之间的描述
因为他跟我的内心想法非常的切合
嗯 然后
其实 呃
其他地方我觉得也都非常的切合

(50:09):
然后蛇那段
我以为代表的是生活中的一些危险
和一些困境
嗯 对
但我觉得 嗯
如果我们单纯把蛇说成是金钱
或者是异性的话
我觉得 呃
选心理测试嘛
嗯 它肯定是会有一定的准确性
因为你会有心理暗示

(50:30):
但是
说不定这也有命运的一些东西在里面
who knows 哦
我觉得很有可能
因为刚刚有一点
你说那个老鹰离我很远的时候
说它是孩子的时候
我觉得很合适
是因为我不太喜欢小孩
exactly就很有可能我就不会有小孩
yeah 对对
所以这个东西我觉得很有意思
我说这个东西就是因为我一个朋友
用了这个好几年
嗯 然后他看过

(50:52):
everybody说的都不一样
你有的时候
看到有那么多不一样的人
然后他们没有意识到
自己到底是什么样子
可是你 他们因为没有意识到
这是一个心理测试
whatever
你扣开了比较真实的这个人
然后每一个都不一样
所以每个人的观点自然而然会不一样

(51:14):
每个人 他觉得你这个丑
that's就是他们啊
他们跟我是不一样的
啊我回答这个心理测试
跟他回的心理测当然不一样
那我们的观点一定是不一样的
所以it's okay
你怎么想是你的事
我怎么想是我的事
that's your life this is my life的这种感觉
我之前看过刘慈欣好像有一句话嗯

(51:36):
他说人跟人之间就是不一样的
我们没必要互相理解
even双胞胎都不一样
当然当然当然当然
我我之前我觉得是呃
我一直很喜欢这句话
然后其实我会觉得我想补充点
就是说可能嗯
放到以前
如果你问我那只猴子是什么样子

(51:57):
yeah也许我说它可能会有点烦人
也可能是那种会抢你零食那种
no对
但是我因为我现在变得更加的放松了
我现在会变得更加的喜欢去鼓励
性格也更好
嗯所以你当我想的这些东西
他也会变得更美好
yeah那也许确实
也许以前我的一些亲密关系里面
会有一些争吵
但我还在追求自我认同的时候

(52:19):
但现在当我放松之后
我变得对我的朋友们更好的时候
善良对
就是其实可以说是善良
就是那很多事情他也会改变
就是你看待这个世界的方式
你想象这个世界的方式
也会变得更加的善良美好
对 所以我但是我还是得有句话
就是说啊
你可以选择不跟其他人产生接触

(52:39):
你可以有一个完全自己的世界
它可能是牢固的
但从此也许你不会变化了
你想要变得更自由
想要变得没有所谓的更好
只有更适合自己
我觉得嗯
但是如果你
想要变得更自由的话
也许会稍微难一点
因为你把自己封闭了嘛
对这是一个问题
如果你想要去跟他人产生连接
你最好我觉得是去了解一下他

(53:01):
为什么他身上那只猴子是这个样子的
他的包为什么是放在地上的
是的嗯怎么说呢
因为沟通是件很难的事情
因为我觉得
我觉得是这样
我们人
他不是由一些大事件构成我们的性格
我们是有无数的小小的生活的细节
对的每天的各种细节

(53:22):
然后把我们拼凑成了一个样子
所以很多时候
我们其实讲不清楚
我们到底为什么这么想的
i know我们是讲不清的
所以你必须去慢慢的了解
你得有这个耐心
并且你要敢表达自己
嗯
因为其实你发现很多人在谈恋爱之前
你好我好
嗯我们都OK
嗯但在一起一段时间之后
怎么好像突然就不行了啊

(53:43):
因为我们只会讲自己好的东西嘛
对不对
如果你敢去表达更真实的自己
敢去了
呃了解真实的对方的话其实会好很多
但这过程很容易受伤呀
因为因为人不一样
对他跟你不同他不会认同你的观点
很容易你伤害到他或他伤害到你
如果你能够还是能够停下来想一想

(54:05):
他并没有伤害我
他只是跟我不一样的话
其实会舒服一些
会舒服很多
嗯
最大的问题是
很多人一直隐藏自己的不好的点
啊我觉得
我很多人都说我比较贱
哈哈哈
贱的点不是因为我故意要贱

(54:28):
而是我有的时候就想知道
我最难看的一
面你能接受吗
或是你的底线在哪
我很喜欢看如果我嘲笑这个人
我能嘲笑多久
他需要有多少次扎他
触碰到他才会骂我

(54:50):
就我戳你一下怎样
再戳再戳
我要看到这个底线在哪
我知道这个底线在哪的时候
我就再也不要碰这个底线
可是我想知道在哪
然后很多人
不愿意把他们最差的一面翻出来
可是我觉得
你的最差的一面
跟你最好的一面同等重要

(55:12):
你最差的一些方面也应该翻出来
你最好的一面也翻出来
你把全部都放出来的时候
你才知道我们合不合适
我只把好的一面给你看
总有一天我这个差的一面会冒出来的
然后那个时候
我已经投资了这么多时间
那why 我浪费了这个时间吗

(55:33):
maybe那个人不接受
你有你这个这么差的一面的时候
怎么办 我宁愿提早把全面放出来
然后你OK
我OK 那我们还会再继续
当然不能每一个人都全面
可可是你提早一点
你多放出来一点
但我有一个很有意思的问题啊啊

(55:55):
如果你现在用你最差的一面去测试他
呀
你怎么能保证你以后不会变得更差呢
我的意思是
人是会改变的啊
对 也许过几个月
过一两年
我要是再差一点对他啊
他是不是还能接受呢
you don't know
这个事情其实是没有一个对的结局的
对不对
是的 最后很麻烦
yes 那有没有可能他这次能接受我

(56:18):
但是过两个月他不能了
那我们再测试他一下
就当你一旦开始测试
之后就是是停不下来的
对他是停不下来的
i know然后我会觉得嗯
我能理解你说这个东西
然后我想问的是
你觉得
你是一个害怕别人离开你的人吗
不是
你不是 嗯
那你为什么要测试他
既然你害怕别人离开你
因为我想知道我们合不合适啊

(56:40):
而已
因为合适就在一起走
不合适的时候分
我完全没有问题
就是可是暂时right now
我们合不合适
这是最重要的
然后我觉得
you触碰的点是对的
可是如果你们想在一起
我觉得最重要的就是

(57:00):
你两个共同答应对方
我们要变得更好
你要把这些坏的东西
尽量尽量进步起来
我觉得在一起的一个目标就是
两个人变得更好
同时变得更好
能把你坏的东西拉偏

(57:22):
好不一定要洗掉
可是拉的偏好你是要你答应对方
你会变得更好
对方也答应你
我会变得更好
导致我现在给你的这一面
最差的这一面以后不会这么差
这是一个silent的一个promise
我我能理解是

(57:43):
这是在寻求某种稳定感
和安全感的建立
对 嗯
是这样子
我现在其实对于很多关系的事情
会看得比较淡一点
是因为我觉得两个人都变得很好
这个事情很抽象耶
就是怎么样算两个人都好
很难 有没有可能我变得好的同时

(58:05):
比如说需要你做一些事情的牺牲
假设我们回到以前那些家庭
如果说那个母亲她在家里面带孩子
那么我出去打拼
我能变得更好
这个母亲能变得更好吗
她很难 她
被困在家庭里面的话
哦 我 我
这个我不同意
无所谓
无所谓就是会有各种各种观点嘛
对
那你知不知道之前好像有一期那个131
就是有一个访谈节目嘛

(58:26):
OK
有采访过一个科学家
最后给这个科学家的妻子
给了他一个大概5分钟左右的时间
采访他 他说呃
如果因为他们年龄很大了嘛
就是如果有来生的话
你还会嫁给他吗
他说我不愿意
他说我也是一个很厉害的科研人员
但我这辈子都是在为他操持这个家庭
那是这个丈夫
他变得越来越好了
yeah 那这个

(58:46):
那这个妻子
他
本来也可以成为一个很厉害的科学家
哦 他有变得越来越好吗
就是这个事情很很很模糊的 但是oh
i know
他们为了这个家庭的话
他可能会牺牲一些
yeah看起来两个人作为一个整体
越来越好了
但是他的梦想其实就没有了嘛
yeah
就这个事情
i get it你很难讲清楚的
很难讲清楚

(59:07):
对的 所以我会觉得嗯
当然这是我个人观点啊
嗯 就是
我以前其实我也会
就是说告诉对方
我有哪些很不好的地方
如果你能接受的话
那你说明你是能接受全部的我
但是我现在会觉得
我不太需要别人接受全部的我啊
就是我觉得我所谓最好和最坏
如果他的评判标准是你自己定

(59:30):
那么别人怎么想
无所谓 OK
如果这个标准是别人来定的话
那其实很危险
yeah很危险
他如果我觉得你不好了
yeah那么你就是不
好对你再怎么好都没有用了
所以这个东西我觉得很难说
说实话i know很难
就是你得又很清醒又得很放松
yeah但是最好

(59:50):
两个人需不需要都清醒都放松
我不确定
哈哈哈但是我
当你足够清醒的时候
你对于外界的需求会变少
嗯对的
我觉得有的时候会稍微会觉得
就像现在
很多时候我觉得一个人就还挺OK的
嗯但我不会去封闭自己
我不会说我不要跟陌生人联系
我不会说我不要怎么样
所以会变成

(01:00:14):
尽可能的去体验生活去享受自我
享受朋友
享受这个世界
OK然后把一些好的东西带给身边人
我是怎么想
我觉得你这个阶段跟我
我们是蛮类似的
嗯我觉得只要你是正能量的
嗯你现在如果是感觉生活是美好的

(01:00:34):
你很容易蜂蜜这个美好给别人的
嗯嗯就他们会在你身边感觉到
哦这个人happy
那我也在他身边就自然会happy
嗯你不开心的时候
你你身边的人自然会感觉
嗯这个人有点不开心我不应该接近他
导致你这个能量是特别重要的

(01:00:59):
可是这个能量也是有限的
大部分大家能量都有限
我有一些朋友他们是有忧郁症
嗯忧郁症的时候跟我hang out
哎我变开心了
那我要多跟author hang out
因为可是他不知道他跟我嗨我变sad
会的会的会的完全会
因为他就在那边抱怨抱怨抱怨

(01:01:20):
然后我一直在
同感同感同感
然后突然我不开心了
他从我这边感受到
很开心 然后就he
就想多跟我hang out
我说我不可以
我不能每周都跟你hang out
因为我需要充满我的能量
我才能给到你好的能量
可是有一些人get不到

(01:01:41):
他就觉得哦
这个人我每次跟他hang out都是happy
然后我也要happy
那我就一直跟他hang out
no no no
我也需要充电的
我也需要我自己的时间
我可以偶尔给你一些一点
可是我不是you know infinite的
我是有限的
我有限 我需要一点时间
give me some time

(01:02:01):
maybe一个月一次
no problem 因为我们是朋友
我愿意给你
明白
可是我不能每周都给你
因为我也需要照顾到自己
我不能无限的给你
这是不合理的
你的能量来源来自哪儿
我觉得我是意外的开心

(01:02:21):
我不知道为什么
我是那么开心
可是我从小就没有不开心过
就我从小不管被教练骂
我也在游泳池哭过
可是这些东西好像一下就过去了
我就从来没有那种

(01:02:42):
一个月两个月不开心的那种感受
我最多一个礼拜
基本上最难受的maybe一个月
我就我觉得我头脑有点问题
说实话 有可能是有一点问题的
因为我就是啊
everything's great
就从来没有真的不开心过
这是种天赋啊

(01:03:02):
i think so对吧 i think so
我觉得你你可以说这是心大
你也可以说这是乐观主义
i've always happy
就我也不知道这个哪里来的
很棒
yeah
对
就是当我最近有有我这个能量
理论之后啊
那我如果能量高的时候
我就跟朋友们一起玩
讲段子 如果我觉得我没什么电了
你像昨天

(01:03:22):
我其实觉得我电量有点不太足
又没有睡好
我还在工作
那我就保持一个很懒散的一个状态
如果我很久以前
我是会强迫自己去关心别人
逗别人开心的
为了得到别人的关心
对哦 那个时候我可太哀了呀
那低电量的时候我就很懒散
他们聊天
让他们聊
朋友们聊天我也不参与
我就在里面玩自己的
然后今天能量还不错

(01:03:43):
我又回来了呀
所以我就始终在保持能量
然后得到更多的能量
我觉得能量对我来说比开心还更加的
能量高的时候你就是很开心 yeah
你没能量的时候
你开心不起来的
所以我现在会用能量这个词来嗯
让我每天的状态来检验我的状态

(01:04:04):
我觉得这个其实很舒服
are you sure 我有的时候能量很高啊
可是是生气的能量
比如说我不能说自己
因为嗯嗯
我这些东西平时会过去
可是我有很多朋友
嗯 来柔术馆
嗯嗯嗯就是纯粹是因为气老板而来

(01:04:27):
来发泄是吗
然后这个气是他们
能量是over a hundred
就是那种我过来
老板骂了一整天
我就是要过来降服几个白带
我就是想过来
就是打几个人
碾压 碾压在地上
然后嗷嗷嗷嗷嗷
结束的时候开心了
降服这个白带太好笑了

(01:04:47):
对不起 这个太好笑了
因为我们都看得出来
他进来的时候那能量是那呼吸
就是不开心的那种呼吸
然后 你觉得他没有能量吗
他很有能量
他很有
然后他就是过来
这个anger就是在那边就是
但是我的观点哦

(01:05:08):
啊
就是能量它应该是一个可持续的状态
比如我今天开开心心的去攀岩
攀两个小时
我很开心
我睡得更好
对 我第二天更开心
我是能量是更多的
他这种看起来他充满了能量
其实他像是一个炸弹一样
他炸完之后他没了
没了
对了 这个不是一个汲取能量
这是在透支

(01:05:29):
这是你把今晚
明天或者后天所有能量都用完了
全爆炸了
对的
所以他这个我觉得是反而能说明
就是说他不是在一个
保持和吸收能量的一个状态
这就就是在吸收
啊 它吸收未来的能量啊
呃对
它透支嘛
我我我的
我的用词是透支
OK就一下用光了

(01:05:49):
那可能它今晚和明天
就是有一种就完全就不行了
的状态 嗯
但我觉得这样的话会变得不太可持续
但是可持续其实也是反人性的
yeah因为可持续你就要很冷静
你得非常的理性
这件事情其实是很累的
对的
所以我会在尽量保持理性的时候
偶尔会放松一下
偶尔会就是

(01:06:09):
所以我觉得
讲段子和讲梗对我来说很重要
我不能失去有趣这个东西
我不能失去幽默
你你懂这个东西
我完全懂
如果你太理性太正经
你这个能量保持
其实它不是增长的
对 就是每天就那么多
他不可能再再更多能量
我们不是机器人
我们不能这样的 对对对
可是你不觉得社会现在就是推荐你越

(01:06:31):
来越像机器人吗
他们就想你每天都是理性的
没有感情
没有一些就是情绪
他就希望你每天就是理性
理性理性
我们不是机器人
我们需要花一点时间发泄
我们需要花一点时间开心
这这些
都是人类必须要有的一个时间

(01:06:53):
我们不是机器人
我们在公司
也不应该假装自己是机器人
你发你生气的时候
我理解你会生气
你let it out
然后let it out
我们再继续 okay
可是我理解你不是机器人
我也不希望你是机器人
我们是同事
我需要知道我
我需要你发泄完
然后我们一起努力把这件事做完

(01:07:16):
我觉得是这样子
就是嗯
你你觉得大部分人是跟你一样
还是跟你不一样
跟我不一样
对吧 因为你想你可能天生乐观派
而我是我又乐观
但是曾经又比较消极
然后我搞了很多年
我总算总算舒服很多了
对的 所以我们俩这样子的话还OK
但是其实我也见过很多人

(01:07:36):
他们是消耗型的
你如果不跟他们说
你要稍微冷静一点的话
他们会无止境的消耗
i know所以这个事情其实很复杂
我看过
就是你不能去跟大家说
你们要你就每天有情绪就发
嗯
那可能大家都会每天去柔术馆享福
百态 就是就是
所以这个事情怎么说呢
我会觉得
如果我们从普遍来说

(01:07:59):
如果我去交60个人
我不能跟大家说
你们把所有能量全部给我用完
嗯 他们可能会一下子就消耗掉
我只能说你们要在稳定的情况
下去变得更好一点
嗯嗯 你只能要求大家
就是稍微理性一点点呀
如果说你大家不要理性
大家释放完蛋了
你知道吗
就全部透支了
就就会很难 我觉得
我觉得这就是动物跟人的一个一条线

(01:08:21):
是的
我是觉得我们是我们应该偏动物
可是很多人觉得我们应该更社会化
这个这一条线
对大家来说都是不一样的
一个一个度嘛
我是希望我觉得我越像动物
我会越开心
我能发泄
我想发泄的时候明白
我饿的时候我想吃

(01:08:42):
我觉得我越像动物我会越开心
可是我理解如果大家都想动物
这社会就没了
这我们就
呵呵
豺狼虎豹
对的 everything's crazy就不可以了
对
可是我发现如果我偏动物偏原始人
我觉得我我的life是好很多

(01:09:05):
嗯我的
我有个观点啊
就是我会觉得只要大家不伤害别人
你干什么都可以
i agree我一直是这样说的
你想干嘛都行
对吧 嗯
所以说人跟动物的界定到底是什么
就是人是文明的吗
仅此而已嘛
对吧 我们被文明所约束了
嗯 但我能理解是因为你讲
我们国家这么多人

(01:09:25):
对吧 就像你说的
如果大家都释放动物性的话
我有有点可怕呀
对的
所以那么我们很多什么学校也好
什么很多东西也好
和大家说
我们要先接受文明的一些教导
嗯 但我会希望大家就是说
想当动物的时候当动物呀
想做文明约束者的时候
做文明的约束者
但这个很难很难
因为你要把握这个平衡不容易呀

(01:09:46):
就很多人
他过度放松之后他就彻底放松了
完全放飞了
对吧回不来了
所以我我我自己是一点点的调整
我一直在不断的找各种的平衡
我从来不认为我是完全正确的
我觉得我只能是我只是适合自己的
我的很多观点和行为
所以说我会去看看别人怎么做

(01:10:07):
看看别人怎么说
这是我会去跟陌生人聊天的一些意义
就是我不去在乎他否定我还是表扬我
所以你看我不在乎别人否定我
我也不在乎别人表扬我
他觉得我好也跟我没关系
那可能只是他觉得你跟我挺像的
所以你挺好的
他真的觉得我好吗
有没有可能他是在表达自己呢
yeah所以
我会对别人的好坏的评价都不太在意

(01:10:28):
但是去想
他能不能给我一些有用的建议的时候
我会这样
这是我跟陌生人交流的一个意义
所以但这个很清醒也很孤独
因为可孤独了
你说的这个点跟我经常说了解自己
括号了解自己的过程是很像的
就没有一个人是完全能了解自己的

(01:10:48):
当然因为你一了解到自己
你其实也在变
所以你永远这个了解自己的过程
就每次都就缺那么一点
或是也可能缺了很远
因为你很久没有跟自己沟通
嗯你很久没有就
i know冥想whatever
重点就是
你每几个月可能要自跟自己沟通

(01:11:10):
然后接近一下
了解了okay
然后可能越来越远
然后再然后
反正这个过程是永远得不到的
可是你能接近
那接近的时候你会我觉得会更开
心嗯
然后离自己越远的时候会越不开心
所以你就尽量往这个目标
可是这个目标一直在

(01:11:30):
一直达不到
and that's fine
我觉得没问题啊
就你 只要你一直往那个方向走
不太会出错
我觉得人得时不时就停下来再想一想
yeah 我到底是谁
yeah um
我之前看那个甄嬛传的解说的时候 OK

(01:11:50):
我很喜欢一个观点
就是皇上
他也不是皇上
他是被这个身份所异化的一个角色
嗯 他这个人到底是谁
不重要 你就是皇上
你做什么事情
你就只能是皇上
嗯 你自己是谁不重要
没有人关心你
我们也很容易把自己异化成一个标签
是的 对吧
你 你的工作
你的社会的身份
或者是你

(01:12:11):
你是干嘛干嘛的
你自己到底是什么人
其实你只能自己问自己 yeah
不然的话
其他人只会希望
朋友希望你是一个好朋友
你的妻子会希望你是一个好丈夫
你的老板希望你是一个好的员工
嗯 你是一个身份
那么
其实你很有可能被他框在这个里面
对的 会变得
哼 所以我一直会问自己

(01:12:32):
也会观察我的朋友们
就是我们所表达的到底是情绪
还是真的是你的想法
太难说 有的时候很多人都不知道
是的是的是的
你得去观察
但是思考这件事情
它不一定会有正反馈
其实大部分时候没有正反馈
对 你就是想一圈把自己想迷糊了
想蒙了 而且没什么用

(01:12:53):
哈哈哈
对不对
我也有过
会这样会这样
会这样 对
所以这是我觉得需要跟他人交
流的意义
yeah因为我曾经有很长段时间
我觉得就自自己埋头苦思
嗯 看点书想一想
嗯 我觉得我OK
我其实不OK
yeah 我完全不OK
我只是找到了一
找到了一条可以合理化自己的方式

(01:13:14):
嗯 我这样应该是对的
我那样也是对的
没有对错
但我们现在不去讨论对错的时候
我觉得就会变得更舒服一些
嗯 对吗
i think that's a good place okay
啊 今天聊得特别开心
是的 我们俩话真多
啊哈哈哈
我很喜欢
我应该多做这个啊
我真的我聊得特别开心啊

(01:13:35):
大家找一下陈魔杰杰嗯的小红书
对吧 可以对小红书啊
我会把它放在形容区
大家谢谢
拜拜拜拜
that was great
I am Arthur
welcome to my podcast.
And this is Chen Kai.
Chen Kai, long time no see.
Hello everyone.
Hello.
Hey, I have a question.
Can I use my name on Xiaohongshu?
Of course.
Hello everyone, this is Moretti Chen
Hello everyone, my name is Chen Mojie
I'm a rock climbing coach.
How's it going recently?
It's been good recently.
I think I'm getting better and better.
Really?
You started as a climbing coach last year, right?
At Neverest
Yes, it should be from last year.
At Neverest, I started to teach more.
Why did you start teaching rock climbing?
Actually,
I'm a hobbyist myself.
And then,
because I'm good at giving others beta,
so many people wanted me to teach them.
So I just took a coach certification exam.
Because some people wanted me to teach,
So I took the exam
and then I started to teach them.
Is that so?
The certificate is very easy to get.
Some of my classmates didn't even climb rocks
They can also get the instructor certificate.
So how long have you been climbing?
When I was climbing with Dabai last time,
you should have said it.
Tell everyone again.
OK should be 2016 or 2017 started climbing
It's been almost ten years now.
I've forgotten.
Yeah, it's been a long time.
But I only started teaching recently.
Yes, I think so.
I didn't have the concept before.
Yeah.
I just wanted to have fun by myself before.
But now I find that
that I can bring others to play together
is a great thing for me.
So I can also get some happiness from it.
I recently discovered that
because I don't climb much.
But the reason why I climb less
is because I feel that the previous group of people
Most of them have been retreated
And the few of us who still play together don't play much.
which leads to
Um.
climbing has become less social.
There are fewer people I know.
Every gym is too crowded.
When I first came in, I felt
I didn't know anyone.
It's not like it used to be.
I went to a gym and knew a lot of people.
I think it's because there are too many gyms now.
It's just that everyone is very scattered now.
And some of my friends
may be busier with work,
and they have more social engagements,
and their bodies are not so comfortable.
Yeah, they're busy losing weight, you know.
Yeah, ha ha ha.
So they can't climb for the time being.
Yes.
Actually, I really like climbing together.
But I also had a long time before
I would practice by myself.
I have experienced both.
And here's the thing.
When it comes to
this hobby has been with me for almost ten years.
I'm actually a little bit tired of it.
I can say that.
So whether I practice alone
or climbing with friends,
it's actually a little boring.
So when I started to take some people
and they learned something,
they would say, teacher, I understand.
they realize how to climb,
and how to exert force,
they feel a sense of achievement.
Of course, the longer you teach,
the sense of achievement will become weaker.
Yeah, it's just like going to work.
It will actually become more and more boring.
Hmm.
What do you think are the most important things about being a climbing instructor?
I think first you have to have a very mature system
and a theory.
You need to have your own theory.
In this way,
so that you can
you have a program
to teach students step by step.
You can't.
Some people may climb well by themselves,
but they haven't thought about
why they can climb well.
They can only let students climb.
In this case,
if you don't have a system,
students will be very confused
how to practice.
This is a problem.
You must know very clearly.
And the second point,
you need to be able to observe students' problems.
Well, I, I
I actually really want to do a Xiaohongshu post recently.
which is not to listen to other people's advice casually,
even if they are your coach.
Because, because,
many coaches or mature study partners
their Beta only suits them.
Yes.
For example, I have a very long arm span
and my legs are very strong.
If you are not as strong as me,
or have particularly long arms,
my Beta is not suitable for you.
I totally agree.
Yes, so when I teach many girls,
I won't teach them in my own way.
I will teach them according to their strength
and height to teach.
So actually, going back to what I just said,
actually, the most important point is the third one,
is empathy.
Well, are you teaching students
or performing for them?
You are a coach.
or an actor?
Coach,
What you need to do is to help them improve,
I think they should have some fun.
Because we are not professional athletes.
Your students are not here to participate in the Olympics
or the World Cup.
Right?
So they want to improve,
and also have fun.
So while you help them improve,
make them a little happier.
I think this is very important.
So empathy,
He looks simple, three words, but it's actually very complicated
You need to analyze their situation.
and you need to give them some suggestions.
They get feedback.
They can make some changes, and they say they can understand.
and give them some emotional value.
I really like to encourage students.
Yes, because as I said,
we are not athletes,
or participate in the World Cup or Olympics.
We are just here to have fun.
So I think while having fun,
and learn something is okay.
You know many people don't like this.
but some friends
and many of my friends
including myself.
Yeah.
You encourage me.
but I personally think it's hurting me.
I was on the swimming team since I was a kid,
so I'm used to being scolded by my coach.
He said you made this mistake, that mistake, that mistake.
Why are you so bad?
This kind of environment is helpful to me.
But some people really need encouragement.
Wow, you're great.
and some people like to be told how bad they are.
Why are you so stupid?
There are all kinds of people.
So I think it's hard to empathize with everyone.
First,
if I'm teaching one or two people,
I will adjust my teaching methods
I think it's called teaching according to aptitude.
For some people,
they prefer to be inspired by you.
Yeah, right?
You would say, why did you climb so poorly today?
and they will become better.
But among the many students I have contacted,
I think I can observe that many people
need more encouragement.
It's my habit.
I usually tell them first
where he has done very well.
I'll give him an advantage first.
and then tell him
and where he can improve.
I think this has something to do with everyone.
is related to his innate stress resistance.
Although I think so.
If you push him,
you motivate him,
he can explode his potential.
But will his vitality for this sport
will his inner energy be exhausted?
Will he one day say to the coach,
I don't want to climb anymore.
Right? This is actually very important.
Well,
I don't know if you said when you were a child
you have relatively strong stress resistance,
so even if the coach says a few words, you're okay.
But if a child
is more sensitive,
If he is always scolded like this,
I think he will give up easily.
What do you think?
Right?
Everyone has their own natural stress resistance.
it must be um.
I was scolded since I was a child.
so I feel that this thing is
I'm very sensitive to this now.
I often think that
If the coach scolds me, I must improve.
I must do better.
Recently, at the jiu-jitsu gym,
there is a good coach,
Jose told me that
you've been practicing for so many years,
you still haven't learned this move.
which is very inappropriate.
I was so sad at that time.
And then I thought about it later,
how could I have practiced for so long
why I still can't do this move.
Actually, it's not that I can't do the move,
It's just that it's divided into each stage.
I suddenly felt a bit confused.
I thought I could do it all together without a problem.
But if you ask me to do it step by step,
I seemed a little confused.
It means I don't understand the movement well.
I still need to work hard.
I need to think about it again.
After analyzing it, I thought he was right.
I should learn more about this movement.
And fifth,
I haven't mastered this move after practicing for seven or eight years.
There is indeed a problem.
So I really like the coach to point out
there is a problem.
you should
and you should change to be better.
Oh, it seems so.
I think your words inspired me.
First of all,
If a student has been climbing for seven or eight years,
and still can't do some movements,
then I think
we can temporarily not be so special
and encouraging.
we can slightly
and ask him why he still doesn't know.
Right, we can give him some motivation.
You remind me of
that is to say,
we are still a
a creature that can suddenly express emotions.
Well, if this person
I see more inertia in him today.
He actually thinks he is not confident.
He thinks he can't get through it.
Actually, what he needs at this moment is not just encouragement.
He needs some motivation.
But if he shows a little inferiority complex now,
it has gone beyond lack of confidence.
He says, am I just not good enough?
When his self-doubt is very strong,
If you say that he is not good enough,
you will deepen his sense of inferiority.
If he is too inferior at this time,
I would encourage him.
I would say you're fine.
you just have a little misunderstanding in your way of exerting force.
Let's change it, right?
If he just wants to be lazy today,
that's not okay.
Then I won't be so gentle.
I will be a little more serious.
I think everyone
we are different every day.
Martin's morning,
Right? Today is different.
Everyone is different.
So every day is different.
Every day is different.
I think every second is different.
You have to judge from his state.
So I think empathy is very important.
Because you need to observe.
you can see his emotional changes.
It's hard.
I think this is the hardest part for a coach.
Because you need to be sensitive every day.
and to your students.
and sensitive, and sometimes
to be honest, I have been teaching swimming for so long,
Well, sometimes
I don't like this student.
I don't like this student.
But he keeps coming.
then we just keep teaching.
Sometimes I don't want to empathize with this person.
But your job is to do this.
Sometimes you need to understand
why he wants to be lazy today,
and what problems he has today.
You need to know your students every day.
It's a tiring thing.
Then I think one thing we haven't mentioned yet
is communication skills.
Well, I used to coach
basically didn't have much communication skills,
especially swimming coaches.
is communication skills.
I think it's their weakness.
Because in the swimming pool,
the pool is very noisy,
you can only say something rough
or general things.
You have to talk to fifty or sixty students.
or sixty students at a time.
If you make mistakes, many people can't hear it.
You can only give some general guidance.
and guide.
So,
Many swimming coaches are not good at communication.
But I think communication skills are particularly important.
And I've learned Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu,
boxing and other things.
I found that
jujitsu coaches have really good communication skills.
They can break down the movements into details,
like ninety degrees, forty-five degrees,
and they can be very detailed.
and let you clearly perform the action.
It's hard to do in the pool.
They can only perform on the shore.
The most exaggerated thing is to pull everyone out.
and pulled all fifty students to the shore.
and then explain in detail.
This thing should not be done often,
and shouldn't be done like this.
But I think communication skills are particularly important.
I understand what you mean.
Well, I think if
if we are facing a huge swimming pool
with dozens of people,
you can't do specific communication.
I also did a training some time ago.
I taught thirty people by myself.
It's Pan Yanqiang.
First, my voice would be hoarse.
and I couldn't speak later.
Secondly, I couldn't remember
which people I taught.
I can't remember at all.
I can only try my best to say
if they have questions, just tell me directly.
Yes, very loudly.
I don't have a loudspeaker.
I'll say you are wrong here and there.
because you don't have time to explain in detail.
Yes, this is a problem.
So this thing
I think it is related to the specific place
and type.
But if you are one-on-one with a student,
the nature of it is different.
Yes.
I think
if you teach dozens of students by yourself,
what you should do is to screen,
or popularize it.
It's not a refined training.
But if we can do
our coach teaches one student,
I think
let's go back to the issue of communication skills.
actually,
I think that
I have a recent opinion.
that many times,
we humans
are creatures influenced by our emotions.
Sometimes what you say
what you communicate and express is not you,
but your current emotions.
For example, I agree.
I have some points.
for my students,
my students don't agree with me,
he gives me a bad emotion.
Maybe I will suddenly think
Why did he say that to me?
and make me unhappy.
I will give him a bad emotion.
In fact, once you have emotions,
that is to say,
if he has a better ability to express himself than you,
you can't express
you can't communicate.
you will be controlled by emotions.
So my point of view is
Of course, this is very difficult.
First, you need to have some emotional stability
and some control.
You can't be taken away by your students.
Right?
He is unhappy today.
and he goes against you, yeah.
Then you get upset,
and you go against him, yeah.
Then you can't teach anything today.
Right.
This is very important.
First, you must be very good at controlling your emotions.
Secondly, you need to know that
It's normal for students not to understand our words.
I think it's very normal.
Me too.
Otherwise, he wouldn't be a student.
Right, right?
So what you need to do is not to express your opinion,
but to tell him in a way he can understand.
How can he do it?
I think some people, whether they are teachers or
or coaches,
Well, you may think what I'm saying is right.
but you just don't understand.
But for him,
he has no concept.
and he doesn't know what is right or wrong.
and he doesn't know anything about it.
So can you put yourself in his shoes
assuming that you don't know anything,
and teach him a point.
This is actually very important.
Can you lower your stance?
I think many people
in the process of growing up,
our self-protection,
or narcissism,
will become stronger and stronger.
Sometimes you actually can't see others.
I think this is normal.
It's normal that you can't see others.
I think it's hard to see others.
So I think the communication ability
is whether you can treat him as your student
as a person like you.
and talk about things that they can understand.
Isn't that empathy?
Yes, it's empathy.
But it's also a choice.
Yes.
you have to remind yourself that
that is,
I'm not here to argue with him about some truths.
I just want to teach him
and give him some things and experiences
to make him better.
You can't say better,
at least more skilled.
I think it's just about passing on knowledge.
Right?
I think
People sometimes tend to argue about right and wrong,
and arguments about right and wrong,
So I try not to argue.
I just try to share more things.
I think that's all I can do.
This is my mental state of communication.
When I teach swimming,
the hardest part is to teach beginners.
I think teaching beginners is the hardest.
Because I started swimming when I was very young.
I almost forgot what it feels like not to swim.
So sometimes when they say this thing,
when they can't even float,
I can't imagine how I can empathize.
A person who can't even float.
It's like you're a brick
and I'm a piece of wood.
It's very difficult for us to communicate.
Because it's been too long.
Then I thought if I couldn't float,
what kind of thoughts I would have.
And then put myself in their
the position of a brick.
which is very difficult.
And it takes a lot of time to think about
Then I should think about
what I'm thinking about
and what I should do.
At this point,
I still don't like teaching beginners.
That's the reason.
I'd rather make friends who are going to compete
and prepare for the competition.
I only need to modify one two three and it's okay.
Then I'll give you three classes
and solve all your problems.
Go, you go your way.
and I'll do mine.
I like this kind of class the most.
But now many friends will say,
I can't swim at all.
Please help me see.
First, let me ask,
Float means I don't swim,
It means floating on the water.
I can't.
You can't.
Yeah.
I remember when I was in college,
we had a class called holding knees and floating.
It means holding your knees.
and float on the water. Yeah.
Then I just sank directly.
I don't know why.
So if you teach me,
it would be hell.
and terrifying.
I can't do anything.
No, I know that concept.
Right, I know.
your
where the center of Paris is.
If the center of Paris is upper,
what should I do?
I understand these concepts.
But how can this person
to the state I want him to be.
It's sometimes difficult.
Because I think this is right.
In my heart,
It's called feel.
This is a feeling of water.
You feel the water.
you know where you float most comfortably.
This is a concept that cannot be conveyed.
That is,
I have accumulated thirty years of experience.
I know what my waterfield is.
But some people don't have it.
They just started.
I have to get rid of thirty years of
And empathy.
It's really hard for some people.
Some people say I'm just over there.
I don't know, and then I also try.
and float like him.
Then someone said
it's hard to do it.
I think this happens often.
Yeah.
I often feel that
I've explained a very simple action,
but he just can't do it.
Right?
Sometimes you think, can't you even do this?
Yeah, uh.
I think it's normal to think that way.
But actually, my feeling later is that
If we experience a
a sport that we are not very good at,
if we are treated like this by the coach,
our experience would be very bad.
Right?
Yeah.
Can you use the other person's
perspective
and identity to think about this.
I think it's quite important.
Then I remembered something.
When I wasn't a coach yet,
maybe in my first year of climbing,
I took some friends to experience it.
I couldn't teach at that time.
OK, and then I took my friends there once.
and they never wanted to go again.
because I didn't know how to take him to climb.
He felt it was terrible.
He thought climbing was not a good sport.
I don't like it.
It's not for me.
Yes, um.
How should I put it now?
I think it's important to go back to a point.
that is to say, first of all,
because coaching is just a side job for me.
I'm not working there.
Not everyone.
They paid me,
I must teach him.
Yes, this is very important.
Yes.
So now I will choose those who are very polite to me
who are polite and willing to communicate with me.
This is very important.
If I work in a research management company,
I would meet some students who I think
or I think you can't do it,
If you meet such students,
you will also feel uncomfortable.
Yes,
I can't calm down
and communicate with them.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Because I'm not a person with a particularly good temper.
That's right.
So if I could choose my students,
after I've screened out those who are more polite
and gentle people,
I would feel
I'm here to help them experience something.
OK.
I still remember that
when I started practicing Muay Thai,
it was more than ten years ago.
My coach
my coach said something to us.
he said,
maybe you won't keep practicing this sport forever,
but the things I teach you today
you can always practice them.
You can practice it for a lifetime.
You may not
it's okay if you don't come to my gym again.
对
but you can always use these things in the future.
It will become a part of my body.
嗯
If I'm lucky enough to make some new friends,
they may not come to my class later,
or we may never meet again.
But I taught them something
which they can use,
and they are happy.
Yeah.
I think this is actually quite a happy thing.
You can understand what I mean.
I totally understand.
I think as a coach,
should give you something.
Well, if you use it today,
and if you use it tomorrow,
I think I've already earned it.
it's already a good thing.
To be honest, I'm worried that many coaches
they are looking for someone to rely on.
Yes.
which is a big problem.
I often see in the gym
I've seen it to the point where
every movement needs the coach to hold them.
to help with the bench press.
They need to be supported for a few reps.
Do you really need to hold him?
What if he does it by himself?
Without you assisting him,
if it suddenly feels heavier,
their first reaction is
I'm better with a coach.
My effect is better.
This is a very
a mean way to make him rely on you.
When you do pull-ups,
he holds you from below.
You can't even see him holding you,
But he is helping you.
Then when he is doing pull-ups by himself,
I can do seven pull-ups with the coach.
Why can I do seven today?
I can only do five.
Do you need to play with the coach more?
You often see these little tricks,
and think this is wrong.
But many coaches think this is their livelihood.
I need him to keep coming.
I think we should go back to this point.
coaches need to recognize what students' needs are.
Well, some people
I'm not here to get better,
or bigger.
I need someone to chat with me
and emotional value.
I agree, so actually this is
I can only say that such a coach is very smart.
Right, he is smart.
He understands the needs of the customer,
and creates what he can provide.
And then
The two form a relatively strong bond.
But even if this student doesn't find this coach,
he will also find other coaches.
Yes.
This is also.
the reason why I don't have many classes now
because I
I actually taught a lot of classes recently,
I felt a bit tired.
Because most of them are new students,
The theories you teach are actually similar.
you just adjust it according to each person's condition.
to make modifications.
So after teaching a lot of similar
similar things,
I feel a little tired.
Because I only want to provide my professional guidance.
I don't want to provide too much company, chat,
and encouragement.
Because there is already a lot of encouragement.
For me,
I already like encouraging people,
So now I just feel it's up to fate.
If I meet someone who is nice,
and he is really polite,
I would be willing to make friends.
I don't think it matters to others.
So I'm going to do some online courses.
Because it's actually better to popularize
and more likely to be exposed online.
Ah, that's okay.
I think if you speak out online,
if you are cyberbullied, it is actually deserved.
It's not that it should be normal.
It must be that you said something
I think it's like I said,
that you are too self-centered.
Right?
For example, you say
Some people have such poor physical conditions
don't exercise or something like that.
There may be no problem with this statement.
but there is a little bit of arrogance, right?
You express your own ideas, yeah.
But some people are just because of their poor health
but they still want to exercise.
and want to be healthier.
Yeah.
They may not be suitable for high-intensity exercise at once,
But how to say,
we shouldn't look at it from our own perspective.
Because people like us
actually have many years of sports foundation.
We can learn things quickly.
We are prone to have confidence and a sense of achievement.
But I've seen those extremely uncoordinated students.
Me too, it's really him.
It feels like he can't even walk
like a small animal that has just become human.
You know.
He doesn't know how to use it.
They are cute, but it's really hard to teach.
You can't just say don't practice.
I just hope that they can
he can still get some happiness.
If you say don't practice,
If you say that in your life, it may not be a big deal.
If you post it online, you will be criticized.
Of course, if you go too far,
So actually, can you
don't be too self-centered, right?
It's okay.
But I think I'm on the opposite side.
People follow you online
they follow you and me to hear our personal thoughts,
not an official one.
I follow you because
is because I follow you.
your thoughts are the most important.
Not that I want some knowledge that everyone can use.
It's not for me, and I'm not suitable.
So I think what I can produce is
is my most honest personal idea.
Whether you listen or not is up to you.
However,
I try to produce my most direct thoughts.
and sometimes it may not sound good,
but this is my most direct idea.
from my mind to my mouth,
or it doesn't go through my mind at all,
and it just pops out.
I think sometimes this is the most valuable.
because you can get to know who I am.
I have a question.
which may be a bit sharp.
No problem, our premise is that
the audience wants to hear our personal thoughts.
will you sometimes
you will speak for yourself
you talk a lot about your own ideas.
Some of them, you think I have to be sharp, yeah.
otherwise they won't listen to me.
If I'm the same as everyone else, it won't work.
Yes, so you will deliberately
Some people will deliberately be more extreme.
Yes, because in this way,
his fans
In fact, we can see on the internet that such people
he may attract more people.
Yes.
This person is different from others.
Although what he said is a bit extreme,
but it's really cool.
He is different from others.
I just want to listen to him.
Right, I think when doing social media,
to gain more people's favor,
If you pursue personal opinions
and become personal opinions.
there may be a little problem.
But such people
I guess they can't do it for long.
in the media.
because they will find that I am very extreme here,
and the other side is extreme.
But one day when you are too extreme,
you will find that this person has many contradictions.
and then you will be criticized.
Look at the video before this one.
saying like this.
Why did you suddenly say that?
How can you explain this contradiction?
Then you can't last long.
Because I will think you are not honest.
As long as you follow your own ideas,
you won't make too many mistakes.
I think.
This is what I think is the biggest problem now.
is that people don't
know who they are,
which leads to people not knowing
what their own thoughts are.
which leads to their poor communication skills.
Because I think especially in terms of communication skills,
I don't know if it's the same in China.
In China, there is a lack of people who can communicate.
Most people can say a few words,
but when they are contradicted, they can't.
and they can't communicate.
It makes them less and less willing to communicate.
Then they say
I'm a dwarf.
I'm not good at communicating.
I have autism.
I'm not good at communication, I'm too cold.
I'm not suitable for communication.
As a result, many people don't want to communicate.
Do you feel it?
Well, first of all, I have some say in this.
because
because I'm a person who has changed from INTJ to ENTP.
Oh, I also have some ideas about this.
Go for it.
So I think this thing, how should I say,
Looking back now, I used to be an INTJ.
and now I'm an ENTP.
And when I look back on when I was an INFJ,
I would think that
at that time,
I just had a strong need for self-protection.
I was worried about communicating too much with others,
or being refuted by others,
and being disliked and unrecognized by others.
So I actually thought for a long time that
Then there's no need to say it.
as long as I don't say it,
no one would question me,
no one would refute me.
I think this is a very normal psychological need.
Because protecting myself.
And then why can I become an artist?
Later, because of me,
I read some small psychology books
and then I came to a conclusion.
In fact, everyone is not that good, this is my opinion.
In fact, everyone is not so good.
There is a saying online
the world is a makeshift stage.
I agree with this statement.
I think everyone is, every
Everyone is only okay in their own field.
But in other fields,
they may pretend to know what they don't know.
or something like that.
Well, when you, um,
when you really realize this,
I actually become less concerned about
I become less and less concerned about them.
OK.
It's called qumei online.
OK.
And then I started to become
no matter what I say,
I don't really care about other people's opinions.
Of course, I can't completely ignore it.
But this is a process.
I'm becoming less and less concerned about it.
And then I also saw an interesting point of view,
that is, when you say something,
after others give you some responses,
don't think about whether you said something wrong
or what I have done.
and replace the word I with you.
Just think about the other person.
whether what you said is your personal opinion.
That is,
In fact, you don't need to think about me,
don't think about whether you are wrong
but think about whether this person is wrong.
or you are wrong.
In fact, when you think about it like this,
you will find that he
he has a purpose for what he says,
or has needs.
It must be right.
He may refute you
to show his own correctness.
If you're right, it means I'm right.
When you are clear about this,
you will become indifferent.
It's okay if you say anything.
but I must speak out my own words.
because you just want to show your correctness.
I will still say my own words.
I can also refute you.
In fact, in this case,
I will become
Of course, I'm not a very easy-going person now.
I only talk about topics that interest me.
If I think an occasion is boring,
I'll go home.
Do you know?
Well,
I just become less afraid to express myself.
because it doesn't matter.
Everyone is just expressing something that may not be correct,
but personal opinions.
So it's much more comfortable.
But I'll go back to the question you just asked me,
I think I like the change in myself.
Do you remember the beginning?
You asked me how I was, and I said I was getting better, right?
Uh.
Maybe I haven't really improved,
But as long as I hope I'm getting better and better,
Then I will do many things.
It's a kind of hope.
Yes, so many people
use their lover to explain many things.
I think it's a lack of security.
But this is a process.
I think they need to practice slowly.
Maybe some people can practice successfully
and become like me, it doesn't matter.
They don't care what others say.
But for some people,
if they can't get a lot of energy,
they can only temporarily maintain that state.
Well, being a lover is actually quite hard.
What do you think?
I don't quite believe it.
Well, being a lover.
I think the most official representative they use is I.
Introverts are energy-consuming.
They consume energy when communicating,
or when socializing, they will consume themselves.
But an I-person will not consume themselves.
They add energy.
something like that.
If you apply this to sports,
when you are not familiar with this
or when you're not good at this project,
you are consuming energy during the exercise.
you will consume a lot.
When you climb for the first time,
your energy will be depleted.
But the more you climb,
the less energy you use.
Actually, I don't think it's about loving someone.
you're just a person who can chat and a person who can't.
The more you talk, the more you will talk.
the less energy you consume.
The more you talk, the more you become alone.
(Brackets, alone.
But I don't.
It's just a skill.
that you are learning.
Then,
Most people don't learn how to chat at all now.
They have forgotten how to chat.
What's more, I have a friend
he told me that he doesn't like small talk.
I said, what do you think small talk is?
He said, oh.
How are you today?
and have you eaten?
Small talk is the most important point.
If you don't have small talk,
how can you talk more deeply?
Do you just jump in?
Do you have foreplay when you have sex?
Don't you warm up before exercising?
You need this small talk
to get to the deep water step by step.
But many people say you have no purpose.
Your small talk has no purpose.
It's just a no.
Small talk is the most important.
I'm getting old now.
I warm up a lot.
I warm up more than I actually exercise.
Sometimes,
The most important small talk is this.
The previous preparation
and take it slow.
But now everyone is in a hurry and can't chat.
they think I should jump directly into the deep water.
This is wrong.
No wonder you can't chat.
No wonder you consume so much.
Then you say you are an artist.
No, it's just that you can't chat.
You just didn't learn it.
Well, I want to say one thing.
that I didn't like smart talk before.
I like some.
I like in-depth communication.
Yeah, why?
What I actually want to say is
I think I used to
maybe even now,
And maybe many people are like that.
we are waiting to be understood,
and be liked,
and recognized.
So daily small talk is useless.
Daily small talk
how can it reflect who I am?
You must ask me about
my family of origin,
my soul, my hobbies, my dreams, yeah.
Right, you have to ask me these things.
Yes, that's right.
So there are many so-called literary people online, yeah.
right?
They use this way to strike up a conversation with others.
or something.
Because when talking about deep topics,
it can open up a person more.
Yeah, um.
Um.
But now I realize that
Let's go back to the lover and the one.
Yes.
If you have a friend who is a lover,
it doesn't matter.
If you give him a field and topic he is good at,
he will definitely not love.
Yes.
He can talk all day.
If you listen to him,
Yes, why do many lovers
so-called lovers,
Because I don't believe in it either.
嗯
I think love and emotion are just a form of expression.
Okay,
I, I am, I can be an entertainer.
Yeah, indeed.
If a beginner is climbing,
because he is not good at this field,
he will easily feel tired.
He will show a little sadness.
Well, if we are entertainers,
in our field, okay.
or fighting,
or rock climbing,
we will be very comfortable.
What if you practice all day?
a simple action,
you will feel bored.
Even if I were an artist, I would still collapse.
I can't stand boring conversations.
I still feel the same way.
If they talk about something like
I hope it's a bit daily,
but occasionally some interesting jokes.
and occasionally something more profound.
I think it's very interesting.
嗯
If they're all about what I'm going to eat today,
what I ate yesterday,
I'll just say goodbye.
I want to go home.
I would do this.
I won't consume myself.
Yes, so I think that um.
if you give a lover a field he is good at
and you listen to him,
Because some lovers are like this.
they need to slowly
to talk about their areas of expertise.
One person can talk about all topics.
In theory, you can talk about all topics.
But maybe it has something to do with Gan Ning.
all topics.
because we don't care.
I think
I don't really want to be understood
to be understood, recognized, and liked.
So I don't need to say
it's okay to talk about my professional field.
But if some people
if he is not recognized enough,
he may not care much about small talk.
I think we can do a survey.
the so-called love and artist.
how do you feel about daily small talk?
Right? Maybe some artists say
I don't like some small talk.
which consumes me.
I have to answer some questions I don't like.
But if you ask him what he likes,
he might think
he would say I can tell you a lot.
And then, as you just mentioned, communication,
Because I will
I really like to discuss family of origin.
I think
if a person is seen
and is rarely recognized,
it's hard for him to express himself freely.
Yes, this is for sure.
I agree, he doesn't have the ability.
Yes.
Yes, I think I used to be in this situation.
I was rarely seen,
so I was in a relatively sad state.
I don't want you to chat with me.
Don't ask me what I've eaten.
I don't care what you eat.
You ask me what my dreams are, what the universe is.
OK, let's chat for a while, because you will know me,
and I will know you.
I finally don't want to be seen.
I'm very excited.
It's okay to chat now because you will know
you'll know that some people also want to be heard.
and they want to be cared.
so they care about you first.
and they also hope you care about them.
If you don't care if you are seen or not,
you will be much more relaxed.
It's a matter of relaxation.
I think so.
It's like sports.
Well, I think the same goes for sports.
The more relaxed you are, the more you can let go.
The better you will do in this sport.
Many people just can't relax.
I'm the same in the swimming pool.
I'll tell you how to float.
Most of it is relaxation.
How to relax?
But many people, whether on the wall,
on the ground,
or in the water,
which makes their project too laborious.
When you are chatting,
you also want this person to relax.
The process of relaxation is mostly small talk.
to make you feel comfortable.
where you know the answer.
Let you slowly
I'm relaxed.
I can start to talk about interesting points now.
But you need this previous process.
You need
What did you eat?
Oh, I like this too.
Do you like this thing?
Me too.
Or, I seem to have a little interest in this thing.
not so interested.
But you need this process of running in
to talk about something deeper.
I think it's like warming up,
is the same as all kinds of sports.
Because I think many sports are also about communication.
Rock climbing is communicating with the wall.
fighting is communicating with your opponent.
Dancing is the most obvious.
If you don't relax when dancing,
you can't relax with your partner.
Because every movement of yours is stiff.
You haven't warmed up.
you haven't established a tacit understanding with him,
it's hard for you to dance well.
I just thought of something.
I believe there must be many people
many people feel different
and when they are being watched by others.
he must be in a completely different state.
I think this can be compared.
Ha ha, right?
Because, and some people
when they are in a competition, they will be nervous.
They might think what if my movements are not good,
what if I don't succeed?
But some people think, so what if you look at me?
I'm very good.
and they think they should watch me.
they will explode with greater energy.
Right? So I think, um,
the so-called I
if
if you are suddenly watched by many people,
you will be nervous.
and fear that you won't perform well enough.
Yes, so I think um.
For example, I have some friends
who are originally quite shy,
but we will take him to play with us.
Every time we take videos of him,
Everyone watches and encourages him every time he crawls.
he will become more and more comfortable.
But only among acquaintances.
But if a person
he can become very relaxed among acquaintances.
嗯
he can also be relatively relaxed among strangers.
Sure.
But if some people
he is still a little nervous among acquaintances,
In competitions or among strangers,
I think it's hard for them.
Yes, so I think
But now many people
I have met a friend.
he told me that
I don't talk to strangers.
I said, OK.
Because I asked him why he was still single.
He said he doesn't like talking to strangers.
So I asked him
When you first joined this company,
your colleagues were strangers,
why did you talk to them?
You just went
your best friend before
who were strangers before.
Why did you talk to them?
I don't know.
It's just different.
His answer was just different.
But the answers are the same.
You just need to take this step.
to get used to communicating with new people.
So this small talk is important.
Because small talk is suitable for everyone.
You just need a little versatility.
and then slowly
filter,
filter and see how deep you can talk.
If you meet a stranger today,
and is relatively friendly,
and he suddenly said
your hat is so strange.
I think your outfit is not appropriate.
It's not malicious,
but he just thinks so.
啊
Yes, great.
Do you think
many people
meet such strangers,
he would say
Oh my god.
I'm hurt.
I'm shot.
You need to know that
I now think that
everyone actually
it's easy to get some bad feedback
receive some bad feedback.
So as long as I don't interact with strangers,
as long as I don't express myself,
I'm safe.
Yeah.
Actually, about this,
I will think about it.
I used to be like this.
because I used to think that
I don't need ordinary people to understand me.
Yeah, I don't need everyone to understand me.
Now I quite like chatting.
Me too, I'm easily bored.
Yeah.
Then I will talk to others.
even if the other person says something
I don't really like them.
it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
But this requires practice.
Right?
I think this is for me,
because I've practiced it.
I'm not born with it.
I'm trained.
Yes, you just need to practice.
and then, um,
My previous suggestion is that
you need to start with your friends,
get rid of some friends who don't like to encourage you
and only say bad things to you.
OK, you need to get a lot of energy first,
then you can start to communicate with more people.
Energy is very important.
I've recently realized that
Well, when I was an INTJ,
I thought solving problems was the most important thing.
But later I found that problems can't be solved.
Yes, when you have a problem-solving mentality,
you encounter a thing or some people,
you try to solve them and communicate with them,
Tired, rest.
But now I think
getting energy is the most important thing.
You should get energy from your friends, hobbies,
and your favorite fields
to constantly gain energy.
Well,
In this way,
some things may not dare to disturb you.
When you are strong in energy,
it's more important than solving problems.
Yes.
So I think about strangers,
strangers have a high probability.
Even if what he says is neutral,
they don't say you're bad or good or anything.
but it may not sound good.
Because he is not your friend,
and he doesn't care about your face.
Maybe what he said
like your clothes are weird.
Weird doesn't necessarily mean a bad word, right?
It's just in his eyes that
but that's what he thinks.
It's not that you're bad or weird.
When you realize this,
When I communicate with strangers now, I only have two needs.
One is that I want to tell jokes.
I see if he can understand my jokes,
or he can give me a joke back.
Or he can give me some information,
For example, if I can't find your home,
I can ask a passerby who says it's in that community.
that's fine.
His other personal opinions have nothing to do with me.
He likes to express himself, right?
He says, why do you wear
why do you wear such plain clothes?
or something else.
Because he likes to wear flowery clothes.
It has nothing to do with me, right?
When you actually think about it,
I think you will feel more and more comfortable.
Yes.
Let's play a game, okay?
Okay, um.
Because I found that I played this game too much.
You will find that everyone is different.
When everyone is different,
it's normal that their opinions are different from yours.
OK.
It's also a psychological test taught by a friend.
Let's play it.
Are you ready?
Okay, okay.
OK.
Well, imagine closing your eyes.
Imagine you are going to go hiking.
You're going hiking.
What does the mountain in front of you look like?
Describe it.
Hmm.
First, I think it should be relatively high.
and a little bit steep.
but I can also see a lot of forests.
It's quite rich.
Is it steep?
Hmm.
A little bit at the top.
Ah, but it should be fine ahead.
Yes, yes, yes.
Is the road long?
It's a bit long.
Hmm.
So this road is relatively long.
and some of them will be difficult, right?
I think if I want to climb to the highest point,
it might be a little difficult.
OK, and you have five things around you.
Let's go through them one by one.
There is a monkey or an ape beside you.
You describe this monkey or orangutan.
It must be a very cute golden monkey.
which is the kind that looks good
and has a docile personality.
It's not the kind of monkey that steals my things.
Ah.
Is he holding your hand?
How far is it from you?
On my shoulder.
On my shoulder, okay.
How is his personality?
How is his relationship with you?
He's very cute.
He depends on me.
And I'm also very nice to him.
OK, and then you have a bag.
What does this bag look like?
Well, if I'm going hiking,
I should carry a larger backpack.
It has a large capacity.
How big?
嗯
What size and capacity?
I can't say the exact number, at least.
It's a little longer than half of mine.
Ah, it's not that big.
It's the most standard hiking backpack, right?
It's not too big, right?
I think it can be a bit oversized.
Oh, it can go from my head to my butt.
Yes, it should be about fifty liters.
OK, it's quite big. Is it full?
Let me think.
It's almost full, but leave some space.
just in case I want to pick up something and put it in my bag.
Cool, and then you will carry it, right?
Yes, yes, OK.
There's a snake.
What does this snake look like?
Let me think.
Actually, my first reaction should be that it's fierce,
like a cobra.
Is it poisonous?
Some are poisonous.
How big?
I think it's quite big.
Actually, my first reaction was that it should be big.
It's bigger than the average snake.
And how far is it from you?
blocking my way forward.
Uh-huh.
Ah, it is.
Yes.
Let's stop here first, and then there's a bird.
Where is the bird?
The bird?
There is an eagle in the sky.
Is this bird an eagle?
Is it big?
It's very big and far away from you. Yes.
What is it doing?
How is its relationship with you?
It saw that I was in danger,
And the snake happens to be its prey.
so it's very likely that it can come to help and rescue me.
Ah, nice. And the last thing is a rope.
Where is your rope?
Yes.
It's wrapped around my waist.
and the other end is in my hand.
Is it long?
Well, I think it's long.
Yes, it's very practical.
Cool.
Okay, open your eyes.
Okay, ha ha ha.
Let's analyze it.
Okay, this mountain.
What you describe is actually your life.
your view of life.
Some parts are easier now,
but maybe it will be steeper later.
and difficult.
This is your current view of your life.
again.
This psychological test will actually change all the time.
So today,
it may be different next week, right?
This monkey
The monkey will be happy.
is actually your partner.
The woman you like is probably like this.
Maybe it's a surprise.
You are cute.
but you will be very nice to him.
Um.
Well, your bag represents your sense of responsibility.
You are very responsible.
You think it's full.
And then you hold it alone.
You know how many friends I have.
This bag is on your boyfriend.
This bag is on the ground.
I don't even carry a bag.
Or my bag is very small.
No, your bag is full and big.
So you are very responsible.
There are two meanings of she.
One means money,
the other is a mistress.
So,
If it's poisonous, it means mistress.
which means another woman.
This woman just gets in your way.
So,
maybe you have some hostility towards women and your life.
is a little unfriendly.
This woman is poisonous.
and she is big and long,
it really blocks a lot of your life path.
I see.
Birds are flying in the sky.
It's a little far away from you.
But it occasionally comes to help you.
Well, you can drive these women away.
But it's far away from you.
That is
it may cause you to be a little far from your future child.
This bird is your child.
It's reasonable.
And the last one is a rope.
You said the rope is not that long,
Right?
But you can use it.
and tie it to yourself.
This is.
You feel like you are tied up now.
You are in a place now.
and maybe you can't leave.
You are tied by yourself.
One is in your hand,
and the other on your waist.
You are tied by yourself.
Understood.
Not being tied by something else.
You are tying yourself.
Is it accurate?
I really like the description of the ropes at the end,
because it fits my inner thoughts very well.
Um, and then,
actually,
I think other parts also fit very well.
And the snake part,
I thought it represented some dangers in life
and some dilemmas.
Yes.
But I think, um,
if we simply say the snake represents money
or the opposite sex,
I think, um,
If we take it as a psychological test,
it will definitely have some accuracy.
because you will have psychological hints.
However,
Maybe there is some element of fate involved.
Who knows?
I think it's very likely.
because just a little bit
when you said the eagle was far away from me
when you said it was a child,
I thought it was very appropriate.
because I don't like children.
It's very likely that I won't have children.
Yeah, yeah.
So I think this thing is very interesting.
I said this because a friend of mine
used it for several years.
and he has seen
everyone said different things.
Sometimes,
you see so many different people,
and they don't realize
what they really look like.
But they don't realize that
this is a psychological test.
Whatever.
you can see the more authentic person.
and each one is different.
So everyone's opinion will naturally be different.
Everyone thinks you are ugly.
That's just them.
They are different from me.
When I answer this psychological test,
Of course, the psychological test I answer is different.
So our views must be different.
So it's okay.
It's your business how you think.
and how I think is my business.
It's like this feeling of that's your life and this is my life.
I've seen a quote from Liu Cixin before, um.
he said that people are different from each other.
We don't need to understand each other.
Even twins are different.
Of course, of course, of course, of course.
I used to think that
I've always liked this sentence.
Actually, I want to add that
maybe
In the past,
if you asked me what that monkey looked like,
maybe I would say it might be a bit annoying,
or the kind that would steal your snacks.
No, yes.
But now I've become more relaxed,
I now prefer to encourage others,
and have a better personality.
So when I think about these things,
they will also become better.
Yeah, maybe it's true.
maybe in some of my previous intimate relationships,
there were some quarrels.
when I was still pursuing self-identity,
But now that I've relaxed,
I become better to my friends,
Kindness, yes.
which can be said to be kindness.
Many things will also change.
the way you look at the world
the way you imagine the world
will also become more kind and beautiful.
Yes, so I still have to say something.
that is to say,
you can choose not to interact with others.
you can have a completely own world.
It may be firm,
but maybe you won't change from then on.
You want to be more free,
or better,
but only more suitable for yourself.
I think um.
but if you
if you want to be more free,
it might be a little harder.
Because you have closed yourself off.
This is a problem.
If you want to connect with others,
I think you'd better get to know him.
why his monkey is like this,
why his bag is placed on the ground.
Yes, um, how to say?
Because communication is a difficult thing.
Because I think
I think so.
We humans
our personalities are not formed by some big events.
but by countless small details of life.
All kinds of daily details
which make us into a person.
I think so.
we can't really explain
why we think that way.
I know we can't explain it clearly.
So you must get to know them slowly.
you must have patience,
and you have to dare to express yourself.
Yes.
Because you find that many people before falling in love,
we are fine.
we are all okay.
But after being together for a period of time,
things seem to suddenly not work out.
Because we only talk about our good things, right?
right?
If you dare to express your more authentic self,
and dare to
and get to know the real other person, it will be much better.
But this process is easy to get hurt.
Because people are different.
They are different from you and won't agree with you.
It's easy to hurt him or he hurts you.
If you can stop and think about it,
he didn't hurt me,
he just has different opinions from you,
you will feel more comfortable.
it will be much more comfortable.
Um.
The biggest problem is that
many people always hide their bad points.
I think
Many people say I'm cheap.
Ha ha ha.
The reason why I'm cheap is not because I want to.
but because I sometimes want to know
my ugliest side.
can you accept it?
or what your bottom line is.
I like to see if I laugh at this person,
how long can I laugh at him?
how many times I need to stab him
or touch his bottom line before he curses me.
Just poke you.
Poke again and again.
I want to see where this bottom line is.
When I know where this bottom line is,
I will never cross this line again.
But I want to know where it is.
And many people
are reluctant to show their worst side.
But I think
your worst side
is as important as your best side.
You should also show your worst aspects.
and your best side.
When you show all of yourself,
then you will know if we are suitable.
I only show you the good side.
One day, my bad side will come out.
And then at that time,
I have invested so much time.
Why did I waste this time?
Maybe that person won't accept you.
When you have this bad side of you,
What should I do? I'd rather show my worst side earlier.
and you're okay.
If you're okay, we can continue.
Of course, not everyone is comprehensive.
But if you do it earlier,
and release more of yourself.
But I have a very interesting question.
If you use your worst side to test him now,
Yeah.
how can you guarantee that you won't get worse in the future?
I mean,
People can change.
Maybe in a few months,
or a year or two,
if I'm a little worse to him,
will he still be able to accept me?
You don't know.
There is no right ending to this matter.
right?
Yes, it will be troublesome in the end.
Yes, is it possible that he can accept me this time,
but he can't accept me in two months.
Let's test him again.
Once you start testing,
you can't stop once you start.
Yes, he can't stop.
Then I will think, um,
I can understand what you said.
And then I want to ask,
do you think
are you a person who is afraid of being left by others?
No.
No.
Then why do you want to test him?
Since you are afraid that others will leave you.
Because I want to know if we are suitable.
That's all.
If we are suitable, we will stay together.
and separate when not.
I have no problem with that.
But for now,
if we are suitable.
is the most important thing.
And I think
the point you touched is right.
But if you want to be together,
I think the most important thing is
you two agree to each other
we should become better.
You need to improve these bad things
and try to improve them as much as possible.
I think one of the goals of being together is
both of you become better.
and become better together.
It can pull your bad things to the right.
Not necessarily to wash away,
You need to promise each other that you will be better.
you will become better.
and the other person promises you
I will become better.
The side I show you now
the worst side of you will not be so bad.
It's a silent promise.
I can understand that
It's about seeking a sense of stability
and a sense of security.
Yes.
Yes.
I actually think about many relationship things
I take a more casual attitude.
Because I think both of us have become better.
It's quite abstract.
It's hard to define what it means for both of them to be good.
It's hard, is it possible that while I become better,
I might need you to make some sacrifices.
Suppose we go back to those families in the past.
If the mother stays at home to take care of the child,
and I go out to work hard,
I can become better.
Can this mother become better?
It's hard for her.
If she is trapped in the family,
Oh, I, I.
I don't agree with that.
It doesn't matter.
There are various opinions.
Yes.
Do you know there was an episode of One Three One
there was an interview program.
OK.
They interviewed a scientist.
and finally gave the scientist's wife
gave him about five minutes
and interviewed him, and he said,
If they were old,
if there is an afterlife,
would you still marry him?
He said no.
He said he was also a very good researcher,
but I've been taking care of the family for him all my life.
That's the husband.
he became better and better.
And this
And this wife
他
could have become a great scientist.
Has he become better and better?
It's very vague, but
I know.
For the sake of the family,
they may sacrifice something.
It seems that the two of them as a whole
are getting better and better.
but their dreams are gone.
Yeah.
About this matter,
It's hard to explain.
It's hard to explain.
Yes, so I think, um.
Of course, this is my personal opinion.
Yes.
I used to
that is to say, I would tell the other person
what are my bad qualities.
If you can accept them,
it means you can accept all of me.
But now I think
I don't need others to accept all of me.
I think my so-called best and worst
If the criteria are set by yourself,
then what others think
it doesn't matter.
If the standard is set by others,
it's actually very dangerous.
Yeah, it's dangerous.
If he thinks you are not good,
then you are not good.
It's useless no matter how good you are.
So I think it's hard to say.
I know, it's hard.
You need to be both awake and relaxed.
But it's best
do both people need to be awake and relaxed?
I'm not sure.
But I'm not sure
When you are sober enough,
your needs for the outside world will decrease.
Yeah, that's right.
I sometimes feel that
like now,
I think it's okay to be alone sometimes.
But I won't close myself off.
I won't say I don't want to contact strangers.
or I don't want to do anything.
So I will
I try to experience life and enjoy myself
enjoy friends,
and enjoy the world.
OK, and then bring some good things to those around me.
This is what I think.
I think you and I are in a similar stage.
we are quite similar.
I think as long as you are positive,
If you feel that life is beautiful now,
you can easily spread this beauty to others.
They will feel that
Oh, this person is happy.
and they will naturally feel happy when I'm around.
When you are unhappy,
your people around you will naturally feel
This person is a little unhappy, and I shouldn't approach him.
So your energy is particularly important.
But this energy is also limited.
Most people have limited energy.
I have some friends who have depression.
When they're depressed, they hang out with me.
and I became happy.
I should hang out with Arthur more.
Because he doesn't know that when he hangs out with me, I become sad.
Yes, yes, yes, totally.
Because he just complains and complains there.
And I keep saying
I feel the same way.
Then suddenly I'm not happy.
He feels from me
and he felt very happy, and then he
he wants to hang out with me more.
I said I can't.
I can't hang out with you every week.
Because I need to be full of energy
so that I can give you good energy.
But some people don't get it.
they think
this person is always happy when I hang out with him.
and I should be happy too.
So I just keep hanging out with him.
No.
I also need to charge.
I also need my own time.
I can give you some occasionally,
But I'm not infinite, you know.
I'm limited.
I'm limited and need some time.
Give me some time.
Maybe once a month.
No problem, because we are friends.
I'm willing to give you.
I understand.
But I can't give you every week,
Because I also need to take care of myself.
I can't give you infinitely.
It's unreasonable.
Where does your energy come from?
I think I'm unexpectedly happy.
I don't know why.
I'm so happy.
But I've never been unhappy since I was a child.
No matter how I was scolded by my coach,
or cried in the swimming pool,
But these things seemed to pass quickly.
I've never felt
unhappy for a month or two.
I'm only unhappy for a week at most.
and the most uncomfortable maybe a month.
I think there's something wrong with my mind.
To be honest, maybe there is a little problem.
Because I am.
Everything's great.
I've never really been unhappy.
It's a gift.
I think so, right? I think so.
I think you can say it's because I'm careless,
or you can say it's optimism.
I'm always happy.
I don't know where it comes from.
Great.
Yeah.
Yes.
When I recently had my energy theory,
theory,
When I have high energy,
I would play with my friends
and tell jokes if I feel like I'm running out of energy.
Like yesterday,
I actually felt a little bit low on energy,
I didn't sleep well,
and I was still working.
I would just maintain a very lazy state.
If I were a long time ago,
I would force myself to care about others
and make others happy.
To get the attention of others.
Oh, I was so sad at that time.
When I was low on energy, I was very lazy.
They chat.
Let them chat.
I don't participate in their conversations.
I just play by myself inside.
But today, I have a good energy level.
I'm back again.
So I always keep my energy.
and then get more energy.
I think energy is more important to me than happiness.
When you have high energy, you are very happy.
When you have energy,
you can't be happy.
So now I use the word energy to
to check my state by my daily state.
I think this is actually very comfortable.
Are you sure? Sometimes I have a lot of energy,
but it's angry energy.
For example, I can't say myself.
because umm.
these things usually pass,
but I have many friends.
They come to the jiu-jitsu gym.
They just come to vent their anger at the boss.
to vent, right?
And the anger is from them.
and the energy is over a hundred.
I just come here
and the boss scolded me all day,
I just want to subdue a few white belts.
I just want to come here
I just want to beat up a few people
and crush them on the ground.
Then, ah, ah, ah, ah.
I was happy when it was over.
Subduing this white belt is so funny.
I'm sorry, this is so funny.
Because we can all see that
the energy in his breath when he came in
which was the kind of breathing that wasn't happy.
Do you think he has no energy?
He has a lot of energy.
He has.
Then he just came over.
This anger was over there.
But in my opinion,
Ah.
energy should be a sustainable state.
For example, if I go rock climbing happily today
for two hours.
I'm happy.
I sleep better.
and I'm happier the next day.
I have more energy.
They look like they are full of energy,
but in fact, it's like a bomb.
After it explodes, it's gone.
Right.
Right, this is not a way to absorb energy.
This is overdraft.
This is that you use up
all your energy for tonight, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
All exploded.
Yes.
So I think this can actually explain that
that he is not in a state of
a state of maintaining and absorbing energy.
It's absorbing.
It absorbs future energy.
Yes.
It's overdraft.
My word is
My word is overdraft.
It's used up all at once.
Then maybe tonight and tomorrow,
it will be completely useless.
state.
But I think it will become less sustainable.
But sustainability is actually against human nature.
Because to be sustainable, you have to be calm,
and you have to be very rational.
It's actually very tiring.
Yes.
So when I try to be rational,
I will relax occasionally.
and sometimes just
So I think
telling jokes and using memes is very important to me.
I can't lose the fun.
I can't lose my humor.
You know this thing.
I totally understand.
If you are too rational and serious,
your energy remains
it doesn't actually increase.
Yes, it's just the same amount every day.
It can't increase any more.
We are not robots.
We can't be like that.
But don't you think society is now recommending you to
more and more like robots?
They want you to be rational every day.
without emotions
and no emotions.
They want you to be rational every day.
rational, rational.
We are not robots.
We need to spend some time venting.
and we need to spend some time being happy.
These
are all necessary for humans.
We are not robots.
We are in the company,
we shouldn't pretend to be robots.
When you are angry,
I understand you will be angry.
You let it out.
and then let it out.
Let's continue, okay?
But I understand that you are not a robot.
and I don't want you to be a robot.
We are colleagues.
I need to know
I need you to vent.
and then we work together to finish this matter.
I think it's like this.
Yeah.
Do you think most people are like you,
or different from you?
Different from me.
Right, because you may be a natural optimist,
while I'm optimistic,
but I used to be more negative.
And I've been doing it for many years.
I finally feel much better.
So it's okay for us to be like this.
But actually, I have also met many people
who are exhausting.
If you don't tell them
and you need to be a little calmer,
they will consume endlessly.
So this matter is actually very complicated.
I've seen
you can't tell everyone that
you can express your emotions every day.
Yeah.
Then maybe everyone will go to the jiu-jitsu gym every day
Baitai is just like that.
So how should I put it?
I think
If we talk about the general case,
if I teach sixty people,
I can't tell everyone
you can use all your energy to me.
They might use it up all at once.
I can only say that you need to be stable
to become better.
You can only ask everyone
to be a little more rational.
If you are not rational,
and everyone will be exhausted.
You know what?
It will be all used up.
It will be difficult, I think.
I think this is a line between animals and humans.
Yes.
I think we should be more like animals.
but many people think we should be more social.
This line
is different for everyone.
It's a degree.
I hope that the more I am like an animal,
the happier I will be.
I can vent.
I can vent when I want to.
I want to eat when I'm hungry.
I think the more I act like an animal, the happier I will be.
But I understand that if everyone wants to be like animals,
the society would be gone.
and then we
Ha ha.
jackals, tigers, and leopards.
Yes, everything is crazy.
对
But I find that if I prefer animals or primitive people,
I feel that my life is much better.
Well, my
I have an opinion.
I think as long as people don't hurt others,
you can do whatever you want.
I agree, I've always said that.
you can do whatever you want,
Right?
So what is the definition of human and animal?
Is it because people are civilized?
That's all.
We are bound by civilization.
But I can understand that because you said
there are so many people in our country.
As you said,
if everyone releases their animal nature,
it would be a bit scary.
Yes.
So, many schools and
and many other things
we tell everyone
we should first accept some teachings of civilization.
But I would like everyone to say that
be an animal when you want to be an animal,
and when you want to be a civilized restraint,
be a civilized restraint.
But it's very difficult.
because it's not easy to find the balance.
Many people
after over-relaxing, they completely relax
and completely let go, right?
and can't come back.
So I adjust myself little by little.
I've been constantly finding various balances.
I never think I'm completely right.
I think I'm just suitable for myself.
and my many views and behaviors.
So I will see what others do
and see what others say.
This is the meaning of my chatting with strangers.
I don't care if they deny or praise me.
So you see, I don't care if others deny me,
or praise me.
Whether he thinks I'm good or not has nothing to do with me.
Maybe he just thinks you are like me.
So you're good.
Does he really think I'm good?
Is it possible that he is expressing himself?
So,
I don't care much about other people's good or bad comments.
But when I think
when I think about whether he can give me some useful advice,
I will think like this.
This is the meaning of my communication with strangers.
So it's sober and lonely.
Because it's lonely.
The point you mentioned is similar to what I often say.
parentheses, the process of understanding yourself
No one can fully understand himself.
Of course, because once you know yourself,
you are actually changing.
So you will always be in the process of understanding yourself.
there's always a little bit missing.
or maybe you're far away.
Because you haven't communicated with yourself for a long time.
You haven't meditated for a long time.
meditation or whatever.
The point is that
you may need to communicate with yourself every few months.
and get closer.
and you understand.
Then you may get farther and farther away.
and then, and then.
Anyway, this process will never be achieved.
But you can get closer.
I think you will be happier when you get closer.
Yeah.
And the farther you are from yourself, the less happy you will be.
So you try to move towards this goal.
But the goal is always there,
and never be reached.
And that's fine.
I think it's fine.
As long as you keep moving in that direction,
you won't go wrong.
I think people should stop and think about it from time to time.
Who am I?
Yeah, um.
When I watched the commentary of The Legend of Zhen Huan,
I really like one point of view,
the emperor.
he is not the emperor.
he is a role alienated by this identity.
Well, who is he?
It doesn't matter who you are,
Whatever you do,
you can only be the emperor.
It doesn't matter who you are.
No one cares about you.
We can easily alienate ourselves into a label.
Yes, right?
Your job,
your social status,
or what you do.
what you do,
what kind of person you really are.
In fact, you can only ask yourself.
Otherwise,
others only hope that
your friends want you to be a good friend,
your wife wants you to be a good husband,
your boss wants you to be a good employee.
You are an identity.
So,
you are likely to be trapped in this identity.
Right will become
So I always ask myself
and observe my friends.
whether what we express is emotion
or really your thoughts.
It's hard to say, and sometimes many people don't know.
Yes, yes, yes.
you need to observe.
But thinking about it
it may not have positive feedback.
In fact, most of the time, there is no positive feedback.
You just think about it and get confused.
and it's useless.
Yeah.
Right?
I've been there.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, that's right.
So I think it's necessary to communicate with others
the meaning of it.
Because I used to have a long time
I just thought about it by myself.
and read books and think about it.
I thought I was okay.
I'm not actually okay.
I was completely not okay.
I just found a way
I found a way to rationalize myself.
I think I was right.
and I was right in that way.
There is no right or wrong.
When we don't discuss right or wrong now,
I think it will be more comfortable.
Right?
I think that's a good place, okay.
We had a great time chatting today.
Yes, we both talk a lot.
Ah ha ha ha.
I really like it.
I should do this more.
I really had a great time chatting.
Everyone can find Chen Moji's Xiaohongshu.
Yes, you can find it on Xiaohongshu.
I will put it in the description area.
Thank you, everyone.
Bye bye.
That was great.