Bitch Bible

Jackie mourns the death of quiet luxury, heralded by Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s childhood-trampoline-park-Chuck-E-Cheese style wedding invitations, grey CVS aisle carpet, and nonsensical guest list. Also, Sydney Sweeney’s collaboration with Basking Robbins - Gummy Bears!

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Jackie recounts a harrowing experience trying to buy candle pillars for grandma Gloria, has a religious experience with a pink canvas Bottega jacket, and regurgitates the timeless story of backdoor Rhonda.

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Jackie addresses some public scrutiny from a recent radio appearance, discusses what Labubu represents, talks shit on Andrew for party mix, and reveals her sister's childhood sapphic inclinations.

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Jackie makes her highly anticipated (not really) return and attempts to breeze into 2018 with the finesse of a young Grace Kelly. Until she is confronted with a rat mid recording and has to seek shelter, refuge, alcohol and access to basic cable. New year, same bitch.    

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Jackie is solo parenting this week and explains why Andrew's use of the words "Cozy" and "Chilly" is grounds for divorce. She also gives the single best piece of advice for high-schoolers, points out the consequences of Carrie Underwood turning her back on her gay fans, and makes her stance on Labubu clear.

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Jackie advises JLo and Sydney Sweeney to approach life from a place of 'no', gives her opinion on personalized license plates and Disney adults, and answers (and criticizes) listeners' burning questions.

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Jackie discusses bearing the burden of other people's stupidity, her new obsession with Dianna Agron's longing for a simple life with früt, and plans her second wedding.

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Jackie discusses her pre-menstrual cycle dreams, announces her (presumably) Sundance and Cannes award-winning live show, and gives updates on the Diddy and Blake Lively cases using her best legal jargon.

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Jackie is joined by Hannah Berner to discuss a myriad of things that will ultimately get them the presidential suite whilst burning in the depths of hell.

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Jackie sits down with Stassi Schroeder to discuss Vanderpump Villa, their purple and yellow auras, Parseltongue, and the foundational principals and texture that can only be learned from the Real Housewives of Orange County.

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Jackie reveals a recent medical diagnosis, discusses her influencer weekend in Cabo, and plans a tripych for her gallery wall of shame.

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Jackie and Tinx go on their second podcast date and talk Stagecoach, Jackie’s brand trip rebellion, and Tinx’s sparkly new book, “Hotter in the Hamptons.”

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Jackie sits down with Kristen Doute, the undisputed star of The Valley, to discuss how the cast has changed, her daughter's nursery decor, and busking (busking??).

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Jackie is joined by her sister to reminisce on problematic child behavior, Alex McCord and a bunch of other shit Jackie can't remember because she doesn't use an outline.

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Jackie gets an NAD+ injection and discovers the connection between hair extensions and brain worms.

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Jackie hurls a fellatory insult at a woman standing in her parking spot, has a romantic encounter with her Uber driver, and reveals her idea for a shit talking Socratic seminar of a birthday party.

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Jackie celebrates the glory of Kate Hudson, discusses side hustles and the perfect Deluxe Martini recipe, and writes Clyde a beautifully poignant email.

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Jackie was feeling joyous and effervescent this weekend when she recorded a banger of an episode, but due to computer issues that episode is gone forever, and now Jackie is feeling REAL bitchy.

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Jackie is joined by the one and only Max Bronner to discuss living in a deficit, Trader Joe's Tomato Leaf candles, and Jackie's trauma dump.

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