May 29, 2024 • 22 mins
Baaaaaaaybeeee!!!! It's getting spicy!!!
Deep diving into an emotional DNA journey, the search for my biological father takes center stage. The DNA test leads to a potential cousin and the heartwarming solidarity of an online community and DNA Angels—a group of volunteer genealogists dedicated to helping unravel genealogical mysteries. As I share the rollercoaster of emotions, from the anxiety of waiting for responses to the joy of making new familial ties, brace yourself because this plot twist is real.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tracey (00:02):
What's good, Welcome ?
to the Charging Station podcast.
It's your girl, Tracey Masseyof Living EmPOWERed Life.
Welcome, boo, welcome back.
Welcome, welcome for the firsttime.
If you're new, go ahead andgrab your coffee, grab your
water, grab your wine, grab yourtea, whatever your beverage of
(00:25):
choice is.
Just go ahead and grab thatthing and have a seat on the
couch, couch, couch, because weare continuing the story of me
and my DNA testing.
So, before we get into part two,I need you to go ahead and
subscribe and or follow thispodcast, whatever platform you
(00:51):
are partaking the sound of myvoice on.
I need you to do whatever thatplatform requires, whether it's
subscribe, whether it's follow,whether it's download I don't
know what it is you just followthe directions of whatever
platform you're listening to.
And also, I need you to rate,review, leave a note, let us
(01:11):
know what you like about thispodcast.
If you have any subject, ideas,subject matter that you would
like for me to discuss, feelfree to email me at podcast at
livingmyempoweredlifecom.
If you are a small business andare interested in ad space,
email us ads atlivingmyempoweredlife.
(01:34):
No, that's not right.
Podcast atlivingmyempoweredlifecom.
Subject ad space.
Make sure you are following meon the socials you can find me
at Living my Empowered Life.
I'm on YouTube, tiktok,facebook and Instagram, and I
think that covers everything, solet's get into it.
(01:56):
So when we last left off, I hadjust gotten the notification
that my DNA results are in.
So if you have no idea what I'mtalking about and this is the
first episode that you arelistening to go back and listen
to Branches Part 1, where I'mtalking about how I got to the
(02:16):
DNA scenario, and then come backhere because it's not going to
make sense and I and I'm notgoing to recap it because
that'll take up too much timethis story is unfolding in real
time.
So I had gotten the resultsback and I got the results at
like two something in themorning.
(02:37):
I don't know why I was up, butI was.
So I opened.
I opened the results and I seethe thing that I was looking for
my genetic makeup.
So let me share with y'all whatyour girl is made up with.
I can say definitively now thatI am not Asian.
(02:58):
There is no Asia in my DNA atall.
I'm also not Italian.
I'm kind of disappointed thatthere's no Italian in me,
because I feel like I'm Italian,like in my mind.
I've just always been Italian,because I just am, but there is
no Italian in me.
But let me run down theseethnicities, uh, ethnicities,
(03:35):
the ethnicities for y'all.
So, first off, what I knew istrue I am a descendant from
Africa.
Okay, um up, nadja 17%.
Mali, 16%, cameroon, congo andWest Bantu peoples.
If I pronounce theseincorrectly, y'all, I am so
sorry.
14%.
(03:58):
Ivory Coast and Ghana.
11%.
Benin and Togo 3% SouthernBantu people.
So I'm assuming that theymigrated or did something.
I got to research all thisstuff.
2%.
Khoisan, aka and Mbuti peoples.
(04:20):
Eastern okay, so right, here, itstarts to get spicy, all right.
Uh, eastern okay.
So right here, it starts to getspicy, all right.
Um, I'm two percent.
Eastern European.
Roma, england and northwesternEurope is two percent, scotland
is two percent, ireland is twopercent.
I find that kind of funny,because I was born on St
Patrick's Day.
(04:41):
You know the calendar says StPatrick's Day, but if you've
been following me for a while,you actually know that that day
is actually Tracy's Day.
Okay, let's continue.
And then there's a 1% NigerianEast Coast Nigeria East Coast
and then 1% Germanic Europe.
It's a little bit of Germany inthere, I think.
(05:02):
So I found that veryenlightening and this particular
service that I use also breaksdown which DNA I inherited from
which parents Now keep in mind Idon't know who my father is, so
seeing this is blowing my mind.
(05:24):
And it also tells me where myDNA connects me.
So it connects me to threetypes of communities, mostly
from South Carolina, excuse me,south Carolina, early South
Carolina, north Carolina.
You know the South.
(05:44):
So that tells me a lot.
That tells me where myancestors were brought to here
to America, from slavery forslavery, and it also shows me
where my DNA matches live.
(06:04):
So this is where it starts toget really interesting, because
it shows me my DNA matches.
So, total, in total, there are15,726 DNA matches to me.
(06:25):
Let me say that again, in total,from this particular service,
there are 15,726 DNA matches tome.
Excuse me, that's a lot.
That's a lot of folk, right,and what happens is depending on
(06:45):
who does a DNA test.
That's how you're matched.
So this number can increase,and actually it has, because at
the time of the recorder of thispodcast excuse me there are
15,726.
That number has increased byabout 10, 15 people since the
last time I looked at it lastweek.
(07:05):
So as people submit DNA tests,the results come back and they
are matched with me.
So, looking at all of these DNAmatches, I'm like whoa, hold up
, that's a lot of people, that'sa lot of people.
So then I go to my actual DNAmatches and this is where the
(07:29):
fun begins.
I have to separate which parentis which and what I mean to
separate which parent is whichand what I mean by separate
which parent is which thisparticular service that I used
(07:49):
I'm specifically not saying whoit is because they're not paying
me Like, if they want tosponsor this podcast episodes
like this series, great, I'llsay their name, but right now,
no, use your context clue, youcan figure it out.
There are multiple DNA servicesout there that do this
particular thing, like helpingto trace your family tree and
your lineage, your genealogy.
The most popular ones are23andMe and AncestryDNA.
(08:11):
Use your context clues?
Okay, but they ain't paying me,so I ain't giving them like
woo-woo, do-do-do-do clues.
Okay, but they ain't paying me,so I ain't giving them like
anyway.
So, this particular service thatI use, you have to separate
your parents, so it labels themparent one and parent two, which
could be I imagine, would behard for someone who may be
(08:34):
doing this and they're adopted.
They may not know, like, whotheir biological parents are, so
I can only imagine how hardthis will be for them.
But for me, I know my mother, Iknow my mother's family names.
So it breaks them down intoparent one and parent two.
(08:57):
So I chose parent one to be myfather, parent two to be my
mother.
When it breaks it up like that,it then shows me how the DNA is
, how the matches are assigned.
So, on my paternal side, as ofthe recording of this podcast
(09:21):
excuse me, I don't know what'sgoing on with my voice at the
moment there are 7,165 matches.
This number has increased sinceI've looked at it last week and
also, sidebar, I have decidedto look at this every week
instead of every day becauseit's just so nerve-wracking.
It's just so nerve-wracking.
(09:42):
But yeah, there are 7,165matches on my paternal side.
Seeing that made me veryemotional because I don't know
my dad.
I remember when I was a kid,probably about six or seven
years old, this man shows up atthe house and my mother
(10:06):
introduced me to this man andsaid this is your father.
I remember looking at this manand seeing his whole face.
I looked like him face.
I looked like.
I looked like him that day.
I specifically remember becauseI was super happy that I had a
daddy.
You know, in your childlikemind you like you know you
(10:27):
didn't come from like poof magic, but the majority like this is
back in the day.
Y'all Single parenthood was notlike prevalent and accepted as
it is right now.
So being a single, growing up ina single parent household and
being around my friends who haddads, that was hard because they
(10:48):
would have daddy daughterdances and I couldn't
participate.
And even in my child, my childmind, that was hurtful.
So I remember that day with myfather so distinctly.
I remember what he wore.
I remember him taking me to themall.
(11:08):
That's probably where myshopping thing started.
He took me to the mall and thisman bought me like everything
that I wanted that day.
Everything that I wanted thatday.
I remember that we were my momand I were going to South
Carolina.
We were going to Myrtle Beachfor a trip Like it was coming up
, and so he bought me bathingsuits.
(11:30):
He bought me buckets andshovels to build sandcastles At
the time.
The Dukes of Hazzard was myfavorite TV show when I was a
kid.
Now I know it's problematicbecause it had the whole
Confederate flag up in there.
We ain't going to go there.
But he bought me a Dukes ofHazzard beach towel Y'all.
(11:52):
I loved that beach towel and Iremember when my mom threw it
away and I cried for two daysbecause that was like the only
thing that I had of my father oh, my god, I'm getting emotional.
And she she threw it awaybecause it was so ratted, you
(12:12):
know the the faces of the Dukesof Hazzard being had faded, like
it was so.
But still I wanted to hold onto it because it was the only
thing that I had of my father,mm Excuse me.
And so, seeing my paternallineage pop up and not knowing
(12:37):
any of these people, I stared atthese results for a long time,
a long time.
But let's come back to that.
Let's come back to that Becauseon my maternal side there are
8,373 matches and of coursethere are some people who are
here that I don't know either.
But I will get to know themsoon, I hope.
(12:59):
But my main focus is findingwho my dad is.
After my mom passed away, I wascleaning out some stuff as I was
preparing to move some yearsafter she had passed, and I
found this newspaper clipping ofan obituary and I read it and
(13:20):
first of all, I'm thinking whydoes mama have this, you know?
But I'm reading it and I readthe man's name.
I read that he leaves behind awife and some children.
I don't see my name on this,this, uh, obituary, but I felt
(13:41):
like that was my dad.
I felt like that obituarybelonged to my father and if
this is the case I'm not 100%sure.
If this is the case um, thattells me that I have siblings
out there that probably don'tknow that I exist.
(14:04):
And so, looking at thesepaternity, the paternity DNA,
I'm looking at it like okay,okay, one of these people is
related to my.
Well, all of these people arerelated to my dad, but somebody
is closely related to my father.
So I go into the actual matchesand I'm floored because I have
(14:32):
a match on my paternal side thatshares a lot of DNA with me.
And the way that thisparticular service labels the
DNA matches is kind of weird,because this person that has
this really really shares thismuch DNA with me.
They label her as close family,dash first cousin.
(14:55):
So in my mind I'm thinking,okay, this is a first cousin,
which means that they areclosely related to my father.
Maybe they have some answers asto, like, who this man may be.
So I stare at this person.
I stare at this person.
I'm like, okay, I don't knowwhat to do with this.
So I share on my Facebook pagemy personal Facebook page, that
(15:16):
I at this person.
I stare at this person.
I'm like, okay, I don't knowwhat to do with this.
So I share on my Facebook pagemy personal Facebook page, that
I did this thing, got theresults back.
It's overwhelming.
I need time to process it, andthere were so many that started
to inbox me and say, hey, I didthis too.
I did this too, blah, blah,blah.
One person in particular I grewup with she's actually best
friends with one of my cousinsand she said, yeah, I did this
(15:37):
in 2017 and found my father andsiblings.
So if you need some help, letme know, so we get on a call.
And she.
I'm glad we did this, becauseexplaining what this experience
is like is hard for to explainto people who have not gone
through this, and I'm going togo into a little bit more detail
about that, too, in otherepisodes and also, you know,
(16:02):
facing backlash for doing this,but she walked me through her
process and gave me some reallygreat advice.
She even linked me up with aFacebook group that she's in.
I had no idea that there was aFacebook group for this.
Facebook has thousands ofgroups for everything but this
particular group specificallydealt with deals with DNA,
(16:25):
family tracing, the family tree,genealogy, finding your parents
, birth parents, biological,whatever and so I get in this
group and you know, all groupsask you to, they welcome you in
and they ask you to introduceyourself or ask questions or
whatever.
So I asked this question.
Hey, I'm a newbie to this DNAprocess.
(16:47):
I've got my results back, I'mtrying to find my father, um,
and I have this.
You know, is there any advicefor a newbie who's just starting
this journey?
So many people commented onthis thing, but one person in
particular commented and I waslike, oh okay, so they have
(17:09):
these people who aregenealogists who volunteer for
this organization.
They're called DNA Angels andwhat they do is they go through
your DNA results and yourmatches and everything and link
them to your family tree andthey help you find the people or
person that you're looking for.
(17:30):
So in the group when I asked myquestion asked me what are your
top five matches?
So I give them to them.
In the meantime, I have a cousinon my paternal side who lives
in France.
Who lives in France, reachesout to me.
He speaks limited English, so alot of his messages came
(17:54):
through in French.
Speaks limited English, so alot of his messages came through
in French.
So we have been communicating,emailing back via Google
Translate.
He reaches out to me and hesays you know, he's looking for
his father too and, you know,trying to put together friends
and family.
Now I'm like oh okay, I can'thelp you because I'm in the same
boat, but we keep in touch.
(18:14):
Then there's another cousin whoreaches out to me from my
paternal side.
Same story, um well, similarstory.
He, how he found his father,how he found out that the man he
thought was his father is notbecause of the DNA test, and so
he's just trying to piecetogether.
He, he eventually meets his dadand um, piecing together that
(18:35):
side of the family tree.
So I'm like, okay, well, yourdad must be related to my dad,
but he doesn't know.
So we're like huh, but we'rekeeping in touch and I just keep
hitting these brick walls,except for this one person who
shares the most DNA with me.
I message her, I message her inthe app, the company that we
(18:57):
used, and then I find her onFacebook and I messaged her and
I wait and I was so nervousbecause you literally do not
know how the other person isgoing to respond or if they're
going to respond, and so Iposted on Facebook.
There's a wait, a W-A-I-T, anda wait, a W-E-I-G-H-T.
(19:22):
There's the wait W-A-I-T andthe fact that you got to message
somebody, wait for them torespond if they respond.
If not, you got to move on tothe next thing.
So there's a lot of give andtake, give and take, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, which can bestressful if you let it be
stressful.
And then there's the W-E-I-G-H-T, the heaviness of finding out
(19:46):
this information.
How is this person going torespond to me?
Are they going to be receptive?
Are they going to reject me?
Am I going to like them?
Are they going to like me?
Like what is going to happen?
And keep in mind, if the man'sobituary that I found was, in
fact, my father, he was married.
That mean I'm a side baby.
That mean my mama had a hotgirl summer before.
(20:09):
A hot girl summer was a thing.
So how, if the, if the wife isstill living, how is she going
to take that?
How are the biological childrenthat were formed in this
marriage going to take me, likethe, the thought of their dad
being whatever?
Like you know, all of that isweighing heavily on me.
So I reach out to this woman andshe responds we have.
(20:36):
She actually responds and sayscall me.
So she gives me her number andI like stare at that number for
about two or three days.
I'm like, oh my God, oh my God,oh my God, oh my God, oh my God
, oh my God, it's happening,it's happening.
I say that a lot during thisprocess.
It's happening, it's happening.
So I call her and we have alovely conversation.
(20:57):
But one thing that she saysthat stood out in our first talk
, because we were on the phonefor like two hours.
It was pretty freaking cool.
She was actually celebrating herbirthday, she was at the beach.
She said she loves the beachand I'm like, oh, wow, I love
the beach too.
Like I was at the beach for mybirthday.
So many things in common.
(21:18):
And she says to me we share alot of DNA.
We actually share more DNA thanmy cousin and I do.
So she, you know her maternalside, she knows her cousins and
things.
One of her cousins took a DNAtest and everything and she says
to me she doesn't know who herfather is either.
So I say, being who I am,wouldn't it be funny if we're
(21:41):
sisters, and I believe y'all atthat?
We're going to pick up on thenext episode right there, but
make sure that you stay tunedfor part three of branches, baby
.
I know, I know, I know we'regoing to get to it, but again,
please be patient with mebecause this is unfolding in
(22:02):
real time.
This is my real life.
Okay, this is my real life.
I'm just trying to process itall.
But come back for the nextepisode.
I promise you it's going to begood, all right, but before we
head out, I want you to rememberGod loves you.
I love you, and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
Boo Boop, see you next week.
What's good, Welcome ?
to the Charging Station podcast.
It's your girl, Tracey Masseyof Living EmPOWERed Life.
Welcome, boo, welcome back.
Welcome, welcome for the firsttime.
If you're new, go ahead andgrab your coffee, grab your
water, grab your wine, grab yourtea, whatever your beverage of
(00:25):
choice is.
Just go ahead and grab thatthing and have a seat on the
couch, couch, couch, because weare continuing the story of me
and my DNA testing.
So, before we get into part two,I need you to go ahead and
subscribe and or follow thispodcast, whatever platform you
(00:51):
are partaking the sound of myvoice on.
I need you to do whatever thatplatform requires, whether it's
subscribe, whether it's follow,whether it's download I don't
know what it is you just followthe directions of whatever
platform you're listening to.
And also, I need you to rate,review, leave a note, let us
(01:11):
know what you like about thispodcast.
If you have any subject, ideas,subject matter that you would
like for me to discuss, feelfree to email me at podcast at
livingmyempoweredlifecom.
If you are a small business andare interested in ad space,
email us ads atlivingmyempoweredlife.
(01:34):
No, that's not right.
Podcast atlivingmyempoweredlifecom.
Subject ad space.
Make sure you are following meon the socials you can find me
at Living my Empowered Life.
I'm on YouTube, tiktok,facebook and Instagram, and I
think that covers everything, solet's get into it.
(01:56):
So when we last left off, I hadjust gotten the notification
that my DNA results are in.
So if you have no idea what I'mtalking about and this is the
first episode that you arelistening to go back and listen
to Branches Part 1, where I'mtalking about how I got to the
(02:16):
DNA scenario, and then come backhere because it's not going to
make sense and I and I'm notgoing to recap it because
that'll take up too much timethis story is unfolding in real
time.
So I had gotten the resultsback and I got the results at
like two something in themorning.
(02:37):
I don't know why I was up, butI was.
So I opened.
I opened the results and I seethe thing that I was looking for
my genetic makeup.
So let me share with y'all whatyour girl is made up with.
I can say definitively now thatI am not Asian.
(02:58):
There is no Asia in my DNA atall.
I'm also not Italian.
I'm kind of disappointed thatthere's no Italian in me,
because I feel like I'm Italian,like in my mind.
I've just always been Italian,because I just am, but there is
no Italian in me.
But let me run down theseethnicities, uh, ethnicities,
(03:35):
the ethnicities for y'all.
So, first off, what I knew istrue I am a descendant from
Africa.
Okay, um up, nadja 17%.
Mali, 16%, cameroon, congo andWest Bantu peoples.
If I pronounce theseincorrectly, y'all, I am so
sorry.
14%.
(03:58):
Ivory Coast and Ghana.
11%.
Benin and Togo 3% SouthernBantu people.
So I'm assuming that theymigrated or did something.
I got to research all thisstuff.
2%.
Khoisan, aka and Mbuti peoples.
(04:20):
Eastern okay, so right, here, itstarts to get spicy, all right.
Uh, eastern okay.
So right here, it starts to getspicy, all right.
Um, I'm two percent.
Eastern European.
Roma, england and northwesternEurope is two percent, scotland
is two percent, ireland is twopercent.
I find that kind of funny,because I was born on St
Patrick's Day.
(04:41):
You know the calendar says StPatrick's Day, but if you've
been following me for a while,you actually know that that day
is actually Tracy's Day.
Okay, let's continue.
And then there's a 1% NigerianEast Coast Nigeria East Coast
and then 1% Germanic Europe.
It's a little bit of Germany inthere, I think.
(05:02):
So I found that veryenlightening and this particular
service that I use also breaksdown which DNA I inherited from
which parents Now keep in mind Idon't know who my father is, so
seeing this is blowing my mind.
(05:24):
And it also tells me where myDNA connects me.
So it connects me to threetypes of communities, mostly
from South Carolina, excuse me,south Carolina, early South
Carolina, north Carolina.
You know the South.
(05:44):
So that tells me a lot.
That tells me where myancestors were brought to here
to America, from slavery forslavery, and it also shows me
where my DNA matches live.
(06:04):
So this is where it starts toget really interesting, because
it shows me my DNA matches.
So, total, in total, there are15,726 DNA matches to me.
(06:25):
Let me say that again, in total,from this particular service,
there are 15,726 DNA matches tome.
Excuse me, that's a lot.
That's a lot of folk, right,and what happens is depending on
(06:45):
who does a DNA test.
That's how you're matched.
So this number can increase,and actually it has, because at
the time of the recorder of thispodcast excuse me there are
15,726.
That number has increased byabout 10, 15 people since the
last time I looked at it lastweek.
(07:05):
So as people submit DNA tests,the results come back and they
are matched with me.
So, looking at all of these DNAmatches, I'm like whoa, hold up
, that's a lot of people, that'sa lot of people.
So then I go to my actual DNAmatches and this is where the
(07:29):
fun begins.
I have to separate which parentis which and what I mean to
separate which parent is whichand what I mean by separate
which parent is which thisparticular service that I used
(07:49):
I'm specifically not saying whoit is because they're not paying
me Like, if they want tosponsor this podcast episodes
like this series, great, I'llsay their name, but right now,
no, use your context clue, youcan figure it out.
There are multiple DNA servicesout there that do this
particular thing, like helpingto trace your family tree and
your lineage, your genealogy.
The most popular ones are23andMe and AncestryDNA.
(08:11):
Use your context clues?
Okay, but they ain't paying me,so I ain't giving them like
woo-woo, do-do-do-do clues.
Okay, but they ain't paying me,so I ain't giving them like
anyway.
So, this particular service thatI use, you have to separate
your parents, so it labels themparent one and parent two, which
could be I imagine, would behard for someone who may be
(08:34):
doing this and they're adopted.
They may not know, like, whotheir biological parents are, so
I can only imagine how hardthis will be for them.
But for me, I know my mother, Iknow my mother's family names.
So it breaks them down intoparent one and parent two.
(08:57):
So I chose parent one to be myfather, parent two to be my
mother.
When it breaks it up like that,it then shows me how the DNA is
, how the matches are assigned.
So, on my paternal side, as ofthe recording of this podcast
(09:21):
excuse me, I don't know what'sgoing on with my voice at the
moment there are 7,165 matches.
This number has increased sinceI've looked at it last week and
also, sidebar, I have decidedto look at this every week
instead of every day becauseit's just so nerve-wracking.
It's just so nerve-wracking.
(09:42):
But yeah, there are 7,165matches on my paternal side.
Seeing that made me veryemotional because I don't know
my dad.
I remember when I was a kid,probably about six or seven
years old, this man shows up atthe house and my mother
(10:06):
introduced me to this man andsaid this is your father.
I remember looking at this manand seeing his whole face.
I looked like him face.
I looked like.
I looked like him that day.
I specifically remember becauseI was super happy that I had a
daddy.
You know, in your childlikemind you like you know you
(10:27):
didn't come from like poof magic, but the majority like this is
back in the day.
Y'all Single parenthood was notlike prevalent and accepted as
it is right now.
So being a single, growing up ina single parent household and
being around my friends who haddads, that was hard because they
(10:48):
would have daddy daughterdances and I couldn't
participate.
And even in my child, my childmind, that was hurtful.
So I remember that day with myfather so distinctly.
I remember what he wore.
I remember him taking me to themall.
(11:08):
That's probably where myshopping thing started.
He took me to the mall and thisman bought me like everything
that I wanted that day.
Everything that I wanted thatday.
I remember that we were my momand I were going to South
Carolina.
We were going to Myrtle Beachfor a trip Like it was coming up
, and so he bought me bathingsuits.
(11:30):
He bought me buckets andshovels to build sandcastles At
the time.
The Dukes of Hazzard was myfavorite TV show when I was a
kid.
Now I know it's problematicbecause it had the whole
Confederate flag up in there.
We ain't going to go there.
But he bought me a Dukes ofHazzard beach towel Y'all.
(11:52):
I loved that beach towel and Iremember when my mom threw it
away and I cried for two daysbecause that was like the only
thing that I had of my father oh, my god, I'm getting emotional.
And she she threw it awaybecause it was so ratted, you
(12:12):
know the the faces of the Dukesof Hazzard being had faded, like
it was so.
But still I wanted to hold onto it because it was the only
thing that I had of my father,mm Excuse me.
And so, seeing my paternallineage pop up and not knowing
(12:37):
any of these people, I stared atthese results for a long time,
a long time.
But let's come back to that.
Let's come back to that Becauseon my maternal side there are
8,373 matches and of coursethere are some people who are
here that I don't know either.
But I will get to know themsoon, I hope.
(12:59):
But my main focus is findingwho my dad is.
After my mom passed away, I wascleaning out some stuff as I was
preparing to move some yearsafter she had passed, and I
found this newspaper clipping ofan obituary and I read it and
(13:20):
first of all, I'm thinking whydoes mama have this, you know?
But I'm reading it and I readthe man's name.
I read that he leaves behind awife and some children.
I don't see my name on this,this, uh, obituary, but I felt
(13:41):
like that was my dad.
I felt like that obituarybelonged to my father and if
this is the case I'm not 100%sure.
If this is the case um, thattells me that I have siblings
out there that probably don'tknow that I exist.
(14:04):
And so, looking at thesepaternity, the paternity DNA,
I'm looking at it like okay,okay, one of these people is
related to my.
Well, all of these people arerelated to my dad, but somebody
is closely related to my father.
So I go into the actual matchesand I'm floored because I have
(14:32):
a match on my paternal side thatshares a lot of DNA with me.
And the way that thisparticular service labels the
DNA matches is kind of weird,because this person that has
this really really shares thismuch DNA with me.
They label her as close family,dash first cousin.
(14:55):
So in my mind I'm thinking,okay, this is a first cousin,
which means that they areclosely related to my father.
Maybe they have some answers asto, like, who this man may be.
So I stare at this person.
I stare at this person.
I'm like, okay, I don't knowwhat to do with this.
So I share on my Facebook pagemy personal Facebook page, that
(15:16):
I at this person.
I stare at this person.
I'm like, okay, I don't knowwhat to do with this.
So I share on my Facebook pagemy personal Facebook page, that
I did this thing, got theresults back.
It's overwhelming.
I need time to process it, andthere were so many that started
to inbox me and say, hey, I didthis too.
I did this too, blah, blah,blah.
One person in particular I grewup with she's actually best
friends with one of my cousinsand she said, yeah, I did this
(15:37):
in 2017 and found my father andsiblings.
So if you need some help, letme know, so we get on a call.
And she.
I'm glad we did this, becauseexplaining what this experience
is like is hard for to explainto people who have not gone
through this, and I'm going togo into a little bit more detail
about that, too, in otherepisodes and also, you know,
(16:02):
facing backlash for doing this,but she walked me through her
process and gave me some reallygreat advice.
She even linked me up with aFacebook group that she's in.
I had no idea that there was aFacebook group for this.
Facebook has thousands ofgroups for everything but this
particular group specificallydealt with deals with DNA,
(16:25):
family tracing, the family tree,genealogy, finding your parents
, birth parents, biological,whatever and so I get in this
group and you know, all groupsask you to, they welcome you in
and they ask you to introduceyourself or ask questions or
whatever.
So I asked this question.
Hey, I'm a newbie to this DNAprocess.
(16:47):
I've got my results back, I'mtrying to find my father, um,
and I have this.
You know, is there any advicefor a newbie who's just starting
this journey?
So many people commented onthis thing, but one person in
particular commented and I waslike, oh okay, so they have
(17:09):
these people who aregenealogists who volunteer for
this organization.
They're called DNA Angels andwhat they do is they go through
your DNA results and yourmatches and everything and link
them to your family tree andthey help you find the people or
person that you're looking for.
(17:30):
So in the group when I asked myquestion asked me what are your
top five matches?
So I give them to them.
In the meantime, I have a cousinon my paternal side who lives
in France.
Who lives in France, reachesout to me.
He speaks limited English, so alot of his messages came
(17:54):
through in French.
Speaks limited English, so alot of his messages came through
in French.
So we have been communicating,emailing back via Google
Translate.
He reaches out to me and hesays you know, he's looking for
his father too and, you know,trying to put together friends
and family.
Now I'm like oh okay, I can'thelp you because I'm in the same
boat, but we keep in touch.
(18:14):
Then there's another cousin whoreaches out to me from my
paternal side.
Same story, um well, similarstory.
He, how he found his father,how he found out that the man he
thought was his father is notbecause of the DNA test, and so
he's just trying to piecetogether.
He, he eventually meets his dadand um, piecing together that
(18:35):
side of the family tree.
So I'm like, okay, well, yourdad must be related to my dad,
but he doesn't know.
So we're like huh, but we'rekeeping in touch and I just keep
hitting these brick walls,except for this one person who
shares the most DNA with me.
I message her, I message her inthe app, the company that we
(18:57):
used, and then I find her onFacebook and I messaged her and
I wait and I was so nervousbecause you literally do not
know how the other person isgoing to respond or if they're
going to respond, and so Iposted on Facebook.
There's a wait, a W-A-I-T, anda wait, a W-E-I-G-H-T.
(19:22):
There's the wait W-A-I-T andthe fact that you got to message
somebody, wait for them torespond if they respond.
If not, you got to move on tothe next thing.
So there's a lot of give andtake, give and take, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, which can bestressful if you let it be
stressful.
And then there's the W-E-I-G-H-T, the heaviness of finding out
(19:46):
this information.
How is this person going torespond to me?
Are they going to be receptive?
Are they going to reject me?
Am I going to like them?
Are they going to like me?
Like what is going to happen?
And keep in mind, if the man'sobituary that I found was, in
fact, my father, he was married.
That mean I'm a side baby.
That mean my mama had a hotgirl summer before.
(20:09):
A hot girl summer was a thing.
So how, if the, if the wife isstill living, how is she going
to take that?
How are the biological childrenthat were formed in this
marriage going to take me, likethe, the thought of their dad
being whatever?
Like you know, all of that isweighing heavily on me.
So I reach out to this woman andshe responds we have.
(20:36):
She actually responds and sayscall me.
So she gives me her number andI like stare at that number for
about two or three days.
I'm like, oh my God, oh my God,oh my God, oh my God, oh my God
, oh my God, it's happening,it's happening.
I say that a lot during thisprocess.
It's happening, it's happening.
So I call her and we have alovely conversation.
(20:57):
But one thing that she saysthat stood out in our first talk
, because we were on the phonefor like two hours.
It was pretty freaking cool.
She was actually celebrating herbirthday, she was at the beach.
She said she loves the beachand I'm like, oh, wow, I love
the beach too.
Like I was at the beach for mybirthday.
So many things in common.
(21:18):
And she says to me we share alot of DNA.
We actually share more DNA thanmy cousin and I do.
So she, you know her maternalside, she knows her cousins and
things.
One of her cousins took a DNAtest and everything and she says
to me she doesn't know who herfather is either.
So I say, being who I am,wouldn't it be funny if we're
(21:41):
sisters, and I believe y'all atthat?
We're going to pick up on thenext episode right there, but
make sure that you stay tunedfor part three of branches, baby
.
I know, I know, I know we'regoing to get to it, but again,
please be patient with mebecause this is unfolding in
(22:02):
real time.
This is my real life.
Okay, this is my real life.
I'm just trying to process itall.
But come back for the nextepisode.
I promise you it's going to begood, all right, but before we
head out, I want you to rememberGod loves you.
I love you, and ain't nothingyou can do about it.
Boo Boop, see you next week.
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