October 8, 2024 • 42 mins
Swimming with dolphins in Hawaii was not just a magical moment but a wake-up call that revealed a fear. This episode of the Charging Station Podcast takes you along my emotional and transformative journey of learning to swim at 48, spurred by the tragic loss of my daughter. From initial setbacks to when I took my first confident strokes in deep water, you'll hear how persistence and embracing new beginnings can lead to incredible personal growth.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
What's good everybody .
Welcome to the Charging Stationpodcast.
It's your girl, tracy Massey ofLiving my Empowered Life.
Hey, hey, hey, what's up?
What's up?
How you doing, boo?
I hope you are doing well.
If this is your first timejoining us, hey, welcome to the
couchy couch.
Come on in, take your shoes off, have a seat.
(00:43):
If you are a returning listener, you know I love me some.
You Welcome back, boo, y'all.
2024 has been amazing, butbefore we get into it, I want
y'all to go ahead, grab yourcoffee, grab your tea, grab your
water, grab your wine, whateveryour beverage of choice is.
Go ahead, grab thatthing-a-thing and have a seat on
the couch couch and make surethat you are following us on all
(01:08):
of the socials.
Find me on instagram, twitter,not twitter, sorry.
Instagram, tiktok, facebook,youtube threads, living my
empowered life, all of them.
Make sure you're on my emaillist.
And, um, yeah, make sure youare active on the socials
because I'll be there most ofthe time, mostly on Instagram,
(01:30):
if you know, you know.
Also, make sure that you aresubscribed or following this
podcast and please do me a bigold favor and rate and leave a
review or whatever podcastplatform you're listening to
this on.
Make sure you follow theinstructions or whatever that
platform is.
If you are on Apple Podcasts,it's real easy Just follow,
(01:53):
click the little plus sign,leave a five-star rating and a
review, because those ratingsand reviews and follows and
subscribes help get the podcastout to more people.
So I appreciate you.
If y'all want me to keep ongoing, y'all gonna, you know,
help a sister out, help me out.
Anyway, I hope you all aredoing well.
(02:14):
Can you believe we are in seasoneight of this thing?
Ah, eight is the number of newbeginnings.
I can't believe.
I've been doing this for sevenyears.
I'm so very thankful.
I'm so very thankful.
I'm so, so, very thankful.
But I just want to fill y'all inon something.
If you follow me on the socials, you already know this.
But if you don't which you knowthe podcast audience is huge.
(02:38):
We are heard in over 60something countries and growing
by the week.
Thank you for listeningwherever you are.
What's up Bali?
What's up Maldives?
What's up Malta?
Hey y'all, hopefully one ofthese days I'll get to visit
some of these places where ourlisteners are.
(02:58):
That is definitely a wish and agoal of mine.
But speaking of wishes, let mego ahead and just preface this
by saying I am no longer sittingin the wish.
If I wish something, I'm goingto take action to get to it.
So my prayer is that you do thesame, and with that we're going
(03:21):
to get into what this episodeis about.
So, if you don't know, I havebeen taking swim lessons.
Yes, at the big age of 48, atleast I'm 48 at the time I
recorded this episode I decidedto take swim lessons and this is
the first time that I've takenswim lessons.
(03:41):
I started right after mydaughter passed away.
When my daughter passed away, Iwent to Hawaii and I swam with
dolphins there and I should bedoing videos so you can see the
air quotes that I'm doing.
But I went to swim withdolphins and that was the moment
that you know, the realizationof the fact that I could not
swim came really real for me,because we were in this deep
(04:04):
pool with these big old fish.
I don't know if you've everseen a dolphin up close in real
life.
They're huge.
The particular dolphin that Iwas with weighed 800 pounds.
Big boy, big, big boy.
They were friendly, thankgoodness.
They were friendly, thankgoodness, but they were huge.
(04:26):
And I just remember telling thelifeguards and the trainers
there, you know, stick beside mebecause I can't swim.
Now we did have on flotationdevices and everything, but I'm
in the middle of this big old 40foot deep pool, not knowing how
to swim with these giganticfish like the.
They're huge.
(04:47):
So I conquered a fear.
I don't even know why I wantedto go swim with the dolphins.
I literally was sitting at, um,this orientation kind of thing.
So if you've gone on vacationbefore, you know, sometimes you
go to, depending on who youtravel with.
The travel agency that I wasgoing through with put me with
(05:15):
this travel vendor.
And so the travel vendoractually had like an orientation
that you can go to and you canselect the activities that you
wanted to do.
And for some reason I chose toswim with the activities that
you wanted to do and for somereason I chose to swim with the
dolphins.
I don't know.
I don't know why.
I don't know why I had neverthought about doing this before
and then, all of a sudden, Ijust wanted to do it and I did
(05:36):
it and then the reality hit andI'm like girl, what was you
thinking?
But I'm glad I did, because Ididn't even want to.
I didn't know that that wassomething that I wanted to do,
so we did it and it was anamazing experience, but I don't
ever have to do it again.
But when I came back home fromthat trip, I decided that swim
(05:58):
lessons would be a good idea,and so I signed up for swim
lessons and, I will be honest,the instructor wasn't that great
and I got discouraged.
So I quit.
Yeah, yeah, I quit.
And not knowing how to swimbothered me for years, and so
(06:18):
finally I was just like you knowwhat, let me go ahead and learn
how to swim.
And so I signed up for swimlessons at my local gym.
Let me go ahead and learn howto swim.
And so I signed up for swimlessons at my local gym, and
this was back in November of 23.
I started right beforeThanksgiving and the instructor
(06:42):
there was so nice and so kindand was an amazing teacher.
The classes were small becauseit was the bird months.
You know, people aren'tthinking about swim lessons when
it's cold, and so that's themain reason why I did it,
because I knew that I wanted todo I did it.
That's the main reason why I didit in November, because I knew
I wanted to have swim lessons,but I didn't feel ready for
private lessons and I wanted anopportunity to be in a group,
(07:02):
but in a small group and it andit was.
It was like 12 of us and when Ifirst got there I got so scared
.
I've never been afraid of thewater.
I realized now that I've had afear of deep water, but we'll
get into that.
I've never had a fear of water,but when I got there and
(07:22):
realized what I was about to do,it really did scare me and so I
shared on my Instagram stories.
You know, hey, I'm here doingmy first swim lesson and all of
a sudden I got scared.
But then I remembered what Ipromised myself at the beginning
of 2024.
I said that I was no longergoing to be hindered by two
things.
One of them was fear, and oneof them was people.
(07:43):
I was no longer going to allowfear to hold me back from the
things that I wanted to try, door experience, and I was not
going to allow myself to be heldby, held back by people, by
what they said, thought or justmade up in their own minds, or
even waiting on people to dothings, because there have been
instances where I've missed outon great opportunities because
(08:07):
I've waited on people like nottraveling.
That's the main reason why Itravel by myself.
I will take a solo trip in aheartbeat because I got tired of
waiting on people to decide ifthey want to go, if they had a
fear of going.
So now I'm like I will inviteyou, but know that I'm still
going whether you go or not.
And so I made that decision todo that, do things afraid.
(08:30):
And so got to the first class,I was so scared it didn't hit me
until I got to the pool and sawthe water and I'm like, okay,
I'm really getting ready to dothis, I'm really getting ready
to do this.
And the first day of class Iwas so proud of myself because
we went in and then I realized,ah, I can float.
(08:51):
So it was a lot of skills thatI had that I didn't realize that
I had until the instructorstarted to bring them out of me
and the instructor.
Every week I would come backand the instructor would add on
a new drill, would add on a newtask, would do this and do this,
and so I began to really taketo the water and it was pretty
(09:13):
cool.
It was a challenge for me, achallenge that I think that I
definitely needed, but it waspretty cool to see how I was
progressing so fast forward.
I continue to sign up for swim.
Well, wait a minute, fastforward.
I took a break from swimlessons the month of March
because that's my birth month.
(09:34):
I knew I was going to be turntall the way up litty for my
birthday.
I celebrate my birthday theentire month of March and on
March 17th, my actual birthdayoh, it gets bananas, okay.
So I took the time off from theswim lessons because I knew
(09:55):
every weekend I was going tohave something and I didn't want
to sign up and not be there.
That's a waste of money.
So I took March and April offbecause those months were busy,
started back up in June of 2024.
Did I start in June, june orJuly?
But the summer of 2024, I wentback and this time the classes
were a little more full.
(10:18):
I actually got in.
Yeah, it was June.
I actually got in one of thelast two spots for the June
sessions and this class was big,so big that we had three
instructors and what they didwas they.
Everybody starts on ground zero, the very first class.
(10:39):
So you go in.
They see what you can do.
Can you put, are youcomfortable with putting your
head under the water?
Can you float on your back?
Can you float on your frontside?
Can you do strokes?
So can you freestyle?
What are your kicks, like?
Those kinds of things, thedrills that they teach you.
So there I was, um, being ableto do all of those things, and
then they were like you can swim, like why are you here?
(11:09):
And I'm like I can't, and sohere's the thing.
Here's, here's one lesson Iwant you all to get out of this.
There are going to be a lot ofgems that I'm going to drop in
this episode, because these arethe things that I learned in
this process know yourcapabilities and don't let
anybody talk you out of them.
Like, don't let anybody likepush you too far, too quickly.
You know what you're able to do.
But also there's a caveat havea good instructor, mentor, coach
, whatever there that can pullthose things out of you, because
(11:32):
we can limit ourselves, becausewe get comfortable in a space
that we're in.
And so I knew that I was notcomfortable with um.
My strokes and my kicks werenot strong.
I knew this.
But to them, to their eyes andthis is the first time they're
meeting me they're like oh, youcan swim.
I'm like, no, I can't.
That's why I'm here.
So I was able to verbalize andarticulate like no, I'm not
(11:56):
ready for this next phase.
But my instructors, who were sogood, were able to say you're
ready, you just don't know it.
Able to say you're ready, youjust don't know it.
And we just need to practicethis to get you comfortable.
So they broke up the class intobeginner, intermediate and more
advanced.
At that point I was in theintermediate group, had no idea
(12:20):
I was intermediate.
So at that point theinstructions changed.
The drills became a little, alittle, not necessarily hard,
they became different.
The drills were a littledifferent and they were longer.
So we started swimming from oneend of the pool to the other
with the kickboard.
So then I realized like girl,you got to get back in this
(12:42):
cardio because baby.
But then my instructor was likeyou got to realize, when you're
using the kickboard, all you'redoing is kicking, you're not
using your arms, which propelyou.
Ah.
So with that I realized, ok,I'm using half of my capability,
but in order to learn thisskill, in order to get stronger
(13:03):
in this skill.
I have to focus on this part.
That's not very strong, and sowhat I learned in that is
sometimes we get, we do getahead of ourselves.
So, like I know, I got thispart mastered, but it's not.
It's not strong.
I may know how to do ittechnically, but I'm not strong
yet, and so before I add thisother element on, let me go
(13:27):
ahead and get strong in thisarea.
So that taught me to slow itdown a little bit, master this,
get strong in this and then addon another element.
So, fast forward to now.
I wanted to take it up a notch.
So I have a goal to reach byNovember.
(13:49):
In November, I'm taking a bigtrip and I wanted to be able to
swim, swim by November.
Now, the reason why I said this, said swim twice, and started
laughing, is because we got thisthing in the black culture you
say something twice like you'reserious about it.
So I wanted to be able to swim,swim by November, by my trip in
(14:10):
November Meaning not holding onto the side of the pool wall,
sitting on the stairs or holdingon to the ladders or being on
the shallow end, because I knowthat I can stand up.
I wanted to be able to get inthat deep water and just do the
darn thing, so I stepped it up anotch.
(14:31):
I'm still taking my group swimlessons, but then I got my swim
instructor privately.
So I'm doing swim lessons twicea week and let me tell you the
difference that this has made.
For one, it's even morechallenging because now the
focus is on me instead of thewhole group.
(14:53):
When you have that one-on-oneinstruction, you get to see the
difference where what your formis like.
You get to see if you'reholding your breath too long,
because that is a thing.
You get to see if your strokesare bad.
So you get to see how you havegrown and developed and where
you can grow and develop somemore, because now your
(15:14):
instructor is focused solely onyou.
So I would do my private lessonright before, like a couple
days before, the group class.
So by the time I get to thegroup class I'm moving up even
more and people are like, oh,you can swim, you can swim, you
got this, you got this.
(15:35):
And I'm like, no, for one,people didn't see the work that
I was doing before.
So the practice that I wasgetting in before, so I'm
getting the practice in with myswim instructor, but also I'm
going to the pool like two orthree days before my swim lesson
so I can practice the skillthat I was taught the week
before.
Sometimes we just got to get inthere and practice and do some
(15:58):
extra work in order for us to beable to master it and feel
comfortable in it.
So we're doing the privatelesson.
And the thing about the privatelesson my instructor was asking
me well, what is it that youwant to hone in on?
What is it that you want todefinitely walk away with after
(16:19):
these lessons are done?
And I said, well, one, I needto work on my breathing.
So there's this the breathingtechnique when you do freestyle
swimming.
I have not mastered how to dothat.
It is very important that yoube able to breathe when you're
swimming because you know, I'mnot a fish.
My lungs need air.
I can flip on my back insurvival mode so I can get some
(16:40):
air, but I want to be able tofreestyle swim and not have to
stop and still be able tobreathe.
So we're.
She said, okay, we can work onthat.
And I said I also want to beable to tread water.
Okay.
So those are two skills, twogoals that I set forth, that I
wanted to work on.
And she said, okay, we can dothat, and then we can work on
these other things too.
(17:00):
We can work on these otherthings too.
So she surprised me one day.
She says, so, we're going to goto a different pool.
I was like, okay.
She said, yeah, this one'sdeeper.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
And she says to me, yeah,you're going to, you're going to
get into the deeper end.
It's about eight feet.
Are you okay with that?
My body, my mind, my soul, myspirit was saying no, but out of
(17:25):
my mouth it came yes.
So she said, okay, we're goingto meet at this pool at this
time.
I'll see you there.
Okay, I get there and Irealized, okay, what's about to
happen.
She's going to have me go intoa deeper end.
So this pool, the pool that I'vebeen taking my original lessons
(17:47):
in, goes up to about four feet.
I'm 5'1", I can stand up, I'mgood.
This pool goes up to eight feet.
So the reality of not beingable to touch the bottom, you
know my survival skill that Iwould tell myself girl, just
stand up.
You're tell myself, girl, juststand up, not going down, just
stand up, okay, I can't stand upin eight feet of water.
(18:10):
So I get there and I'm thinkingshe's going to have me start
from the shallow end, get warmedup, get acclimated, and then we
move, we progress to deeperwater.
No, ma'am, pam, I get there.
There she's like come on downto the deep end.
And I said to do what she says,you're gonna jump in.
(18:30):
I said who gonna do what now?
She said yeah, you're gonnajump in.
I said why can't we start fromthe shallow?
And she said no, because westart from the shallow and
you're gonna freak out when weget down here.
She said we're just gonna jumpin.
She said you have been doingthis long enough that you know
what to do, and I'm right herewith you when you do it.
That, right there, ministeredto me, because isn't life like
(18:52):
that, like we know what to do?
But when we have somebody therethat has been teaching us and
instructing us and guiding us,hello, holy Spirit.
When we go into thesesituations where we're fearful,
we always have somebody that'swith us.
So, holy Spirit, when we gointo these situations where
we're fearful, we always havesomebody that's with us.
(19:13):
So I'm going down to the deepend and I'm like oh, I can feel
my heart beating in my ears andI'm scared.
I'm not scared, scared, I'mscared.
So I get down to the deeper end.
You know, she makes swimminglook so easy because she's been
doing this since she was likeknee-high to a grasshopper.
So she's just, you know,floating, making it look
effortless.
Then she's like okay, are youjust jumping when you're ready?
(19:37):
And I'm like I'm not ready, bythis time I can feel my body
tensing.
So I had to do some deepbreathing and calm myself down
because I can do this.
My mind, I'm telling myselfthat I can do this.
I'm telling myself I can dothis, but I know that my mind is
going into protect mode becausethis is something that I had
(19:58):
never done.
So by that time the lifeguardcomes over and she's like you
can do it.
She said I'm here, do you wantme to jump in with you if you do
it?
I'm like no, no, no, no, I gotto do it, I got to do it.
Then the people in the officestart coming out.
So by now people are realizingwhat's happening, and so they're
coming to cheer me on.
No pressure, right?
(20:18):
That just made me nervous.
What people most people don'tknow about me is I'm very shy,
I'm very much of an introvertand I don't like a lot of
attention on me, even though Ican get on stages and give
speeches, I can do this podcast,I can get on like all that.
I don't like a lot of attentionon me.
This was giving me a lot ofattention, so everybody's like
(20:39):
trying to encourage me andeverything I said.
Finally, I just stop talking.
Just stop talking because I hadto silence the noise and
sometimes we have to do thatwhen we're in a panic or fearful
or whatever.
Sometimes we just have tosilence the noise.
And so I closed my eyes andy'all.
I wish, I wish I had a pictureof how my toes were clinging to
(21:05):
the side of the pool, the edgeof the pool.
I was like so nervous I think Iwas white knuckling the edge of
the pool with my toes but Iclosed my eyes, I took a deep
breath, I held my nose because Ididn't want water running up in
my nose and I jumped in.
When I opened my eyes, I wasunderwater and the first thing I
said to myself was don't panic,and I jumped in.
When I opened my eyes, I wasunderwater and the first thing I
(21:25):
said was to myself was don'tpanic.
And I realized I was floating.
I was floating back up to thetop and I said, oh, ok.
And immediately what I learnedkicked in.
I started to tread water andwhen I looked around and my head
came up above water, morgan wassmiling, the lifeguard was
(21:46):
cheering me on, the people thatwere in the lanes beside us that
were swimming, they stoppedswimming.
They were clapping for me.
Everybody was clapping, and I'mlike I did it.
I have never been so proud ofmyself than in that moment.
Right then I conquered thatfear and then I realized what
was happening.
I was like where's the wall?
Where's the wall to the pool?
(22:07):
I was like where's the wall tothe pool?
And so I was holding on to thewall.
I was standing on the stairsand Morgan was like you did it,
you did it, great job, great job.
So we went through the skillsand by the time we had gotten
into the lesson, I felt morecomfortable.
But then she upped it up anotch and I'm like OK, so she
(22:31):
takes me.
She says, ok, you're going toswim from the deep end to the
shallow end.
Ok, cool, I'm swimming.
Cool, I have to.
You know, since I haven'tmastered the rhythm of the side
breathing with freestyling, Iflip on my back.
Instinct kicked in.
You don't understand howsurvival skills kick in until
(22:55):
you have to use them.
So I flip on my back and I'mfloating on my back, I'm kind of
like still kicking and movingmy arms, so I'm still moving in
the water and then I flip backover.
Next thing, I realized I'm inthe shallow and I can stand up,
but I swim all the way to theend.
And then I stand up and I'mlike I'm looking at the other
end of the pool and I'm like, yo, I just swam from that end to
this end.
(23:15):
Huh, that's pretty cool.
So my swim instructor allows meto catch my breath and then she
says all right, we're going togo back, you're going to swim
back.
And I said okay.
She said what I want you to dois look at the line at the
bottom of the pool.
She said don't think about thedrop, look at the line of the
(23:38):
pool.
And I'm like okay, because it'san Olympic-sized pool.
So here in the city there areOlympic athletes who come to
train there at that particularpool so you can imagine the
lanes that are lined.
So, okay, I'm in the shallowend.
(24:02):
I start off swimming, swimming,swimming, swimming, swimming,
flip, swimming, swimming, swim.
And then I look and I see theline drop.
I immediately knew that I wasin the deep end and I felt my
entire body like clamp.
I felt every muscle just, and Ihad to flip on my back real
(24:28):
quick because I knew if I hadn'tdone that I was going to start
to go into a panic and I'm likeTracy, trust the skills that you
learned, trust your body, yougot this.
So I float on my back, stillkicking, still moving, still
breathing.
I'm able to take deep, slowbreaths to kind of calm my
nerves.
And then, when I felt ready, Iflipped back over and I swam to
the other end and then I waslike I just swam all the way
(24:50):
from the shallow end to the deepend and by the end of our
lesson I was able to do a skillscheck and I passed, I passed.
Do a skills check and I passed,I passed.
I was able to tread water for aminute and do my strokes and
(25:11):
everything and I was like, wow,t, you really did that.
And I'm so proud of myself,because the old me would not
have done that, the old me wouldnot have have embraced that
fear and embrace the challenges.
I would have taken my panic asfailure and like, see, you can't
do this, don't do that.
(25:31):
So sometimes we got to shut offthe self-talk as well, because
I don't know about you.
I'm my hardest and worst critic.
Nobody can talk down to mebetter than I can.
So much so that I will neverforget my best friend telling me
to not speak about her bestfriend in the manner of which I
had spoken about myself in frontof her ever again, and I've
(25:54):
been mindful of that ever sinceshe said that, and this has been
about five or six years ago.
So thank you, bestie, andthat's a perfect example of why
you need to have good, soundfriends.
So I am still taking the swimlessons because, again, I want
to hone in and build thoseskills and get so comfortable
(26:18):
with myself, like I actuallywant to get to the point where I
can pass a lifeguarding test.
I'm not going to be a lifeguardnow, no, no, no, I'm not making
a career change, but I justwant to know that I'm able to do
that skill set because in orderto pass a lifeguard test, you
got to be able to swim.
Swim because you're savingsomebody's life.
So I want to read um thatsomeone has shared with me in my
(26:45):
dms, because I have a ton ofpeople that get in my dms and
say, oh, I'm so inspired by whatyou're doing, I wish I could do
that, blah, blah, blah.
And so this is um, someone thatI know, actually, who said to me
that they wish they knew how toswim, and I'm just going to
read this exchange to you If Ican find it.
(27:06):
Did I delete it?
I don't know, I may have to gooff memory y'all, and if I have
to bless it, bless it if I haveto.
Okay, yeah, I found it Right.
So we talk a lot Um, so let mejust scroll up, but I hope that
so far, this is helping youconquer a fear that you may have
(27:33):
, or if you felt defeated insomething you know I hope this
is you hear something in herethat helped you.
And so she dm'd me and she saidI wish I could swim.
And I said don't sit in thewish, take the the lessons and
learn.
And I know that that's easiersaid than done, because a lot of
people really do have a fear.
She says I'm scared of thewater.
And so the coach psychologistkicked in and I said to her you
(27:57):
take showers and wash your hands, so I know you aren't scared of
water.
The fear is something else.
Unpack that fear.
Is it a past trauma with alarge body of water?
Is it a fear of drowning?
Unpack it to conquer it.
An instructor, a good one, canhelp you overcome the fear.
And she reveals to me that shealmost drowned as a kid.
(28:18):
So, fun fact, I almost drownedas a kid too, because some
adults thought that it would bewise to just throw me in the
deep end of the water.
They knew that I could not swim, but they thought it would be
wise to throw me in the deep endof the water because they, I
guess they felt like I wouldautomatically learn how to swim.
(28:39):
And no, not so.
So I almost drowned.
They did have to come in andget me, and I think that was the
first time that I've ever sawmy mama go.
Mama bear, that's a story foranother day.
So I replied to my friend that'sit because, meaning that we
just figured out why she hasthis fear.
(28:59):
We just figured out why she hasthis fear, and I shared with
her that I almost drowned as akid and I actually got a
whooping for being near thewater because my mom told me not
to go near the water and I didanyway.
So, yeah, I might need to talkto my therapist about that,
because that was weird.
Like I almost died, mama, thenyou going to whoop me anyway.
(29:21):
So.
And then we had a pool party,so why could not be near the
water if you bring me to a poolparty?
That didn't make sense.
The math was math in there.
But anyway, I digress and so Isaid I told my friend that you
deserve to not live in thetrauma of the past, and I say
that to you as well you deserveto not live in the trauma of the
(29:45):
past.
How many things have happened inour lives where we just still
sit there?
It's a lot of things thatimpact us when we were, that
happened to us when we were kids, that still impact us in our
adulthood, and this is why I amsuch an advocate for therapy.
A good therapist will unpackthat trauma and help you work
through it and give you goodcoping skills and resources to
(30:06):
never to be in a place where younever are severely impacted by
it again, and I just hope and Ipray that you are able to unpack
your traumas and grow from them, because you are definitely
worth the fight, definitelyDefinitely worth the fight and,
as somebody who has been througha lot of trauma, I'm actually a
(30:29):
trauma survivor multiple timesover.
When people look at me, theywill never know that I've been
through the things that I'vebeen through unless I share them
with them, because I made adecision to not be held back
anymore.
The Bible tells us that Godwants us to have life and to
(30:52):
live life more abundantly.
My abundant life, my empoweredlife, is not tied to fear, not
saying that I'm never going tofeel fear again because I will.
You let a spider come crawlacross here and I'm going to be
like ah, ah.
But there's a differencebetween having a fear and having
a trauma-induced fear and Idon't want to live in that
(31:15):
trauma-induced fear anymore.
So I'm out here kicking buttand taking names when it comes
to this fear and, like I said,the only way you're going to
know if you can actually dosomething is if you do it and
when you have somebody that isstanding beside you, teaching
you and guiding you and leadingyou.
There's so much you can do andyou'll be surprised at how far
(31:39):
you come.
So just keep swimming, justkeep swimming, just keep
swimming, swimming, swimming,just keep swimming, swimming,
swimming, like Dory in FindingNemo.
So there was something that Ilearned in the group classes and
I shared this with my mentorand I hope I can remember it,
like how I said it to her.
I should have written it down,but I was telling her you know,
(32:02):
being in these group classes,when I first started swimming,
they would give us theinstruction, so everybody would
be there.
They would give us theinstruction, they would
demonstrate the drill so wecould see what it looked like,
and then they would work with usto get the learn, the skill.
I'm going to tell you where Istarted messing up.
I started messing up when Istarted looking at the other
(32:23):
students, when I started lookingat their progress, because some
students picked up thingsfaster than I did.
So when they would swim fasterthan me, like when we started
swimming from one end of thepool to the other, I was always
the last one to get there.
Always that started tofrustrate me and then I was like
girl, you got to realize yougot to swim at your own pace.
(32:45):
Because I don't know what theirmindset was.
I was like I was more focusedon learning the drill, learning
the skill.
It didn't matter how fast I gotthere.
So it doesn't matter how youfinish, is that you finish?
So I would like y'all go ahead.
I'll get there when I get there.
If y'all need to swim back, I'mgonna get you.
But I started messing up when Istarted looking at everybody
(33:06):
else's progress and not payingattention to my own, and I
started messing up when itstarted to pick up like their,
their bad habits.
So a lot of times when you'rebeing taught something, the
instructor is going to give youthe instructions and show you
how to do it the proper way, theright way, but you're going to
always pick up something that'sgoing to be catered to you and
(33:28):
then it gets to a point whereit's like you're no longer
showing your work, you justgetting the result.
So there came a point where Iwould watch somebody kick,
because kicking has not been mystrong suit.
Like I kick way too much andyou actually don't have to do a
whole lot of kicking when youswim.
If you are a swimmer.
You know what I'm talking about.
But it seems like you'reconstantly moving your feet.
No, you're not.
(33:49):
Like there are points where youjust kind of glide through the
water and you just kind of likework with the water, let the
water keep you afloat, andthings like that Keep air in
your lungs.
You're going to float.
But I was looking at theirtechnique and then it did not
work for me.
I mean, it was so bad that Iwould start to sink.
And I'm like well, why am Isinking?
(34:10):
And my instructor said one dayit's because you're not doing
the technique the way that Itaught you.
You're looking at somebodyelse's technique and that
doesn't work for you.
Baby, when I tell you the lightbulb came on, I was like, oh,
this applies to my entire lifethen.
Because when I'm looking atsomebody's technique, they're
not saying that I don't needinstruction because, again, the
(34:33):
instructor showed me how to dothis thing.
But our body types aredifferent, our body makeups are
different, the way we learn isdifferent, the way we move is
different.
She gave me the fundamental,but I had to figure it out in a
way that it worked for me.
Ah, amen, I hope y'all caughtthat.
(34:53):
So, when I'm still doing thefundamentals and figuring out
the way the technique works forme, I stopped sinking, I started
gliding through the water andthat's why it looked like to the
untrained eye.
It looked like I knew what Iwas doing.
(35:13):
I'm learning, just likeeverybody else, and that's the
thing with life.
You may have a great technique,you may have even honed in on a
couple skills and be strong atthem, and it looks like you got
it all together.
But let's be real.
We are all learning every day.
And when we start to understandthat everybody on this planet
(35:38):
first of all has to start fromground zero and learn something,
everybody starts off as abeginner.
Don't be embarrassed.
Don't be embarrassed becauseyou don't know something.
Learn it and learn it at yourown pace and be proud of
yourself when you do learning,but don't get complacent.
Learn something else.
Celebrate your win, but learnsomething else.
(36:01):
And I'm so thankful for, firstof all, god showing me all these
lessons and just these daggoneswim classes, because he's just
so amazing, but also being ableto realize that it is not as bad
as I thought here.
(36:21):
I was afraid of deep water whenall I had to do was learn how to
float.
Somebody gonna catch thatSometimes.
We just gotta learn how tofloat, you just gotta learn how
to float.
And the thing about one thingI've learned about swimming
(36:43):
there's even a technique totreading water.
So when I first startedtreading water, my instructor
had to correct me because I wasdoing it wrong.
I was exerting way more energythan what was necessary and what
I needed.
So, treading water, I'm thinkingI'm gonna have to kick my legs
like out.
Like I can't explain it, youkind of have to see it.
So I'm thinking I have to kickmy legs out, away from my body,
(37:04):
and it's more so.
I'm in, I'm straight, like I'm,I'm, everything is aligned and
my arms are out and doing liketheir thing, um, keeping me
afloat, and but my legs are kindof like it's almost like riding
a bicycle or being on anelliptical machine yeah, that's
probably the best way I candescribe it kind of like being
on an elliptical machine, um,that uses less energy.
(37:27):
So when I was doing it thefirst way and my swim instructor
didn't even realize that I wastreading water wrong until we
got into that deep water,because you really can't tell in
in three feet, but when we gotin the deeper end, she was able
to see what I was actually doingand how I was not.
(37:47):
I was not doing the correcttechnique, and that's why it was
costing so much energy, why Iwas getting so tired when all I
had to do was let the water workwith me.
And one thing that I learned isdon't fight the water, because
(38:08):
you will actually float.
You'll be surprised.
You will actually float as longas you're breathing, and so I
am still continuing the lessons.
I'm going to keep going untilmy trip in November.
At the time of the recording ofthis podcast, it is September
(38:30):
28th, and so I am still going.
And another thing, anothernugget I want to give y'all do
it until you get it.
Don't do it because somebody istelling you otherwise.
Don't let anything stop youfrom reaching your goal.
(38:50):
Now, be wise, use wisdom anddiscernment when reaching your
goals, because you got to learnwhen to know when to hold them
and know when to fold them.
Everything is not meant to be anow thing, so use your wisdom,
but you can tell the differencebetween somebody actually giving
you wise counsel and somebodythat is putting their fear on
(39:12):
you, or somebody that's comingto you from a place that they've
never experienced.
I remember somebody telling me Ihave this desire to live abroad
and I can't tell you how manypeople would tell me, oh, it's
dangerous in such and such place.
I'm like it's dangerous in theUnited States, what are you
talking about?
(39:33):
And this person didn't evenhave a passport, but they're
telling me how dangerous it issomeplace else.
I'm like how do you know?
Were you there?
You weren't there.
So sometimes you my mentor,said it best Always consider the
source.
If it's someone who's never lefttheir small town, how are you
(39:56):
going to tell me what it's liketo travel to another country?
You never even left this smalltown.
We have two differentperspectives.
We have two differentexperiences.
Your experience is out ofhearsay, mine is going to be out
of actual being there.
Consider the source, actualbeing there.
(40:19):
Consider the source.
All right, y'all, that's it.
That's all I got for this week.
I hope that this has helped youin some kind of way.
If you have a fear, baby,conquer that thing.
Conquer that thing.
Don't let that fear hold youback.
God has not given you a spiritof fear, but a power, love and a
sound mind, and that does notmean that we will not feel fear.
What it means is that we'regoing to deal with it a whole
lot different than what otherswould.
(40:40):
So with that I bid you adieu,because I'm actually it's a
Saturday afternoon.
I got so much stuff to do y'all, I actually got to go and get
some work done on my nine tofive on a Saturday.
I know child.
I know child.
Yesterday, at the time ofrecording this podcast, we had
Hurricane Helene come throughhere and I had no power for
about eight hours.
(41:01):
I had no electrical power but Istill had the power of the Holy
Spirit, amen.
So I got to catch up on somework from yesterday.
So, and do laundry, you knowall the Saturday stuff, all the
Saturday running around, but Ihope and I pray that you will
return next week.
And you know, did you know thatyou can leave me a text message?
(41:22):
You can message me now, girl.
Yeah, at the bottom of the shownotes, um, you'll see a link
that says send me a message ortext me or something like that.
Send me a message and I willshout you out on next episode.
I can can't type you back, so Ican't reply back in writing,
but I can shout you out on thenext episode.
So make sure that you leave mea message, let me know what you
think about this episode, whatyou think about the show, if
(41:44):
there are any topics you want meto cover and discuss, um, all
that stuff.
You know this is an interactivepodcast, even though I'm sitting
here talking, you know you, youmy friend.
I need you to talk back becauseI don't want to look crazy
sitting here talking to myself.
But yeah, make sure you text me, let me know what you think and
be sure to follow me on all thesocials, like I said earlier,
(42:06):
and do all that good stuff.
I just want to know that you'rethere and know that.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you and I thank you
for all that you've done andyou're doing, and know that.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you and I thank you
for all that you've done andyou're doing and for being so
supportive.
You know I love, love, love,love, love you from the bottom
of my heart.
I truly, truly mean that.
So until next time my peepsjoin me back here for another
(42:26):
episode of the charting stationpodcast and remember God loves
you, I love you and ain'tnothing you can do about it.
Boo, bye.
What's good everybody .
Welcome to the Charging Stationpodcast.
It's your girl, tracy Massey ofLiving my Empowered Life.
Hey, hey, hey, what's up?
What's up?
How you doing, boo?
I hope you are doing well.
If this is your first timejoining us, hey, welcome to the
couchy couch.
Come on in, take your shoes off, have a seat.
(00:43):
If you are a returning listener, you know I love me some.
You Welcome back, boo, y'all.
2024 has been amazing, butbefore we get into it, I want
y'all to go ahead, grab yourcoffee, grab your tea, grab your
water, grab your wine, whateveryour beverage of choice is.
Go ahead, grab thatthing-a-thing and have a seat on
the couch couch and make surethat you are following us on all
(01:08):
of the socials.
Find me on instagram, twitter,not twitter, sorry.
Instagram, tiktok, facebook,youtube threads, living my
empowered life, all of them.
Make sure you're on my emaillist.
And, um, yeah, make sure youare active on the socials
because I'll be there most ofthe time, mostly on Instagram,
(01:30):
if you know, you know.
Also, make sure that you aresubscribed or following this
podcast and please do me a bigold favor and rate and leave a
review or whatever podcastplatform you're listening to
this on.
Make sure you follow theinstructions or whatever that
platform is.
If you are on Apple Podcasts,it's real easy Just follow,
(01:53):
click the little plus sign,leave a five-star rating and a
review, because those ratingsand reviews and follows and
subscribes help get the podcastout to more people.
So I appreciate you.
If y'all want me to keep ongoing, y'all gonna, you know,
help a sister out, help me out.
Anyway, I hope you all aredoing well.
(02:14):
Can you believe we are in seasoneight of this thing?
Ah, eight is the number of newbeginnings.
I can't believe.
I've been doing this for sevenyears.
I'm so very thankful.
I'm so very thankful.
I'm so, so, very thankful.
But I just want to fill y'all inon something.
If you follow me on the socials, you already know this.
But if you don't which you knowthe podcast audience is huge.
(02:38):
We are heard in over 60something countries and growing
by the week.
Thank you for listeningwherever you are.
What's up Bali?
What's up Maldives?
What's up Malta?
Hey y'all, hopefully one ofthese days I'll get to visit
some of these places where ourlisteners are.
(02:58):
That is definitely a wish and agoal of mine.
But speaking of wishes, let mego ahead and just preface this
by saying I am no longer sittingin the wish.
If I wish something, I'm goingto take action to get to it.
So my prayer is that you do thesame, and with that we're going
(03:21):
to get into what this episodeis about.
So, if you don't know, I havebeen taking swim lessons.
Yes, at the big age of 48, atleast I'm 48 at the time I
recorded this episode I decidedto take swim lessons and this is
the first time that I've takenswim lessons.
(03:41):
I started right after mydaughter passed away.
When my daughter passed away, Iwent to Hawaii and I swam with
dolphins there and I should bedoing videos so you can see the
air quotes that I'm doing.
But I went to swim withdolphins and that was the moment
that you know, the realizationof the fact that I could not
swim came really real for me,because we were in this deep
(04:04):
pool with these big old fish.
I don't know if you've everseen a dolphin up close in real
life.
They're huge.
The particular dolphin that Iwas with weighed 800 pounds.
Big boy, big, big boy.
They were friendly, thankgoodness.
They were friendly, thankgoodness, but they were huge.
(04:26):
And I just remember telling thelifeguards and the trainers
there, you know, stick beside mebecause I can't swim.
Now we did have on flotationdevices and everything, but I'm
in the middle of this big old 40foot deep pool, not knowing how
to swim with these giganticfish like the.
They're huge.
(04:47):
So I conquered a fear.
I don't even know why I wantedto go swim with the dolphins.
I literally was sitting at, um,this orientation kind of thing.
So if you've gone on vacationbefore, you know, sometimes you
go to, depending on who youtravel with.
The travel agency that I wasgoing through with put me with
(05:15):
this travel vendor.
And so the travel vendoractually had like an orientation
that you can go to and you canselect the activities that you
wanted to do.
And for some reason I chose toswim with the activities that
you wanted to do and for somereason I chose to swim with the
dolphins.
I don't know.
I don't know why.
I don't know why I had neverthought about doing this before
and then, all of a sudden, Ijust wanted to do it and I did
(05:36):
it and then the reality hit andI'm like girl, what was you
thinking?
But I'm glad I did, because Ididn't even want to.
I didn't know that that wassomething that I wanted to do,
so we did it and it was anamazing experience, but I don't
ever have to do it again.
But when I came back home fromthat trip, I decided that swim
(05:58):
lessons would be a good idea,and so I signed up for swim
lessons and, I will be honest,the instructor wasn't that great
and I got discouraged.
So I quit.
Yeah, yeah, I quit.
And not knowing how to swimbothered me for years, and so
(06:18):
finally I was just like you knowwhat, let me go ahead and learn
how to swim.
And so I signed up for swimlessons at my local gym.
Let me go ahead and learn howto swim.
And so I signed up for swimlessons at my local gym, and
this was back in November of 23.
I started right beforeThanksgiving and the instructor
(06:42):
there was so nice and so kindand was an amazing teacher.
The classes were small becauseit was the bird months.
You know, people aren'tthinking about swim lessons when
it's cold, and so that's themain reason why I did it,
because I knew that I wanted todo I did it.
That's the main reason why I didit in November, because I knew
I wanted to have swim lessons,but I didn't feel ready for
private lessons and I wanted anopportunity to be in a group,
(07:02):
but in a small group and it andit was.
It was like 12 of us and when Ifirst got there I got so scared
.
I've never been afraid of thewater.
I realized now that I've had afear of deep water, but we'll
get into that.
I've never had a fear of water,but when I got there and
(07:22):
realized what I was about to do,it really did scare me and so I
shared on my Instagram stories.
You know, hey, I'm here doingmy first swim lesson and all of
a sudden I got scared.
But then I remembered what Ipromised myself at the beginning
of 2024.
I said that I was no longergoing to be hindered by two
things.
One of them was fear, and oneof them was people.
(07:43):
I was no longer going to allowfear to hold me back from the
things that I wanted to try, door experience, and I was not
going to allow myself to be heldby, held back by people, by
what they said, thought or justmade up in their own minds, or
even waiting on people to dothings, because there have been
instances where I've missed outon great opportunities because
(08:07):
I've waited on people like nottraveling.
That's the main reason why Itravel by myself.
I will take a solo trip in aheartbeat because I got tired of
waiting on people to decide ifthey want to go, if they had a
fear of going.
So now I'm like I will inviteyou, but know that I'm still
going whether you go or not.
And so I made that decision todo that, do things afraid.
(08:30):
And so got to the first class,I was so scared it didn't hit me
until I got to the pool and sawthe water and I'm like, okay,
I'm really getting ready to dothis, I'm really getting ready
to do this.
And the first day of class Iwas so proud of myself because
we went in and then I realized,ah, I can float.
(08:51):
So it was a lot of skills thatI had that I didn't realize that
I had until the instructorstarted to bring them out of me
and the instructor.
Every week I would come backand the instructor would add on
a new drill, would add on a newtask, would do this and do this,
and so I began to really taketo the water and it was pretty
(09:13):
cool.
It was a challenge for me, achallenge that I think that I
definitely needed, but it waspretty cool to see how I was
progressing so fast forward.
I continue to sign up for swim.
Well, wait a minute, fastforward.
I took a break from swimlessons the month of March
because that's my birth month.
(09:34):
I knew I was going to be turntall the way up litty for my
birthday.
I celebrate my birthday theentire month of March and on
March 17th, my actual birthdayoh, it gets bananas, okay.
So I took the time off from theswim lessons because I knew
(09:55):
every weekend I was going tohave something and I didn't want
to sign up and not be there.
That's a waste of money.
So I took March and April offbecause those months were busy,
started back up in June of 2024.
Did I start in June, june orJuly?
But the summer of 2024, I wentback and this time the classes
were a little more full.
(10:18):
I actually got in.
Yeah, it was June.
I actually got in one of thelast two spots for the June
sessions and this class was big,so big that we had three
instructors and what they didwas they.
Everybody starts on ground zero, the very first class.
(10:39):
So you go in.
They see what you can do.
Can you put, are youcomfortable with putting your
head under the water?
Can you float on your back?
Can you float on your frontside?
Can you do strokes?
So can you freestyle?
What are your kicks, like?
Those kinds of things, thedrills that they teach you.
So there I was, um, being ableto do all of those things, and
then they were like you can swim, like why are you here?
(11:09):
And I'm like I can't, and sohere's the thing.
Here's, here's one lesson Iwant you all to get out of this.
There are going to be a lot ofgems that I'm going to drop in
this episode, because these arethe things that I learned in
this process know yourcapabilities and don't let
anybody talk you out of them.
Like, don't let anybody likepush you too far, too quickly.
You know what you're able to do.
But also there's a caveat havea good instructor, mentor, coach
, whatever there that can pullthose things out of you, because
(11:32):
we can limit ourselves, becausewe get comfortable in a space
that we're in.
And so I knew that I was notcomfortable with um.
My strokes and my kicks werenot strong.
I knew this.
But to them, to their eyes andthis is the first time they're
meeting me they're like oh, youcan swim.
I'm like, no, I can't.
That's why I'm here.
So I was able to verbalize andarticulate like no, I'm not
(11:56):
ready for this next phase.
But my instructors, who were sogood, were able to say you're
ready, you just don't know it.
Able to say you're ready, youjust don't know it.
And we just need to practicethis to get you comfortable.
So they broke up the class intobeginner, intermediate and more
advanced.
At that point I was in theintermediate group, had no idea
(12:20):
I was intermediate.
So at that point theinstructions changed.
The drills became a little, alittle, not necessarily hard,
they became different.
The drills were a littledifferent and they were longer.
So we started swimming from oneend of the pool to the other
with the kickboard.
So then I realized like girl,you got to get back in this
(12:42):
cardio because baby.
But then my instructor was likeyou got to realize, when you're
using the kickboard, all you'redoing is kicking, you're not
using your arms, which propelyou.
Ah.
So with that I realized, ok,I'm using half of my capability,
but in order to learn thisskill, in order to get stronger
(13:03):
in this skill.
I have to focus on this part.
That's not very strong, and sowhat I learned in that is
sometimes we get, we do getahead of ourselves.
So, like I know, I got thispart mastered, but it's not.
It's not strong.
I may know how to do ittechnically, but I'm not strong
yet, and so before I add thisother element on, let me go
(13:27):
ahead and get strong in thisarea.
So that taught me to slow itdown a little bit, master this,
get strong in this and then addon another element.
So, fast forward to now.
I wanted to take it up a notch.
So I have a goal to reach byNovember.
(13:49):
In November, I'm taking a bigtrip and I wanted to be able to
swim, swim by November.
Now, the reason why I said this, said swim twice, and started
laughing, is because we got thisthing in the black culture you
say something twice like you'reserious about it.
So I wanted to be able to swim,swim by November, by my trip in
(14:10):
November Meaning not holding onto the side of the pool wall,
sitting on the stairs or holdingon to the ladders or being on
the shallow end, because I knowthat I can stand up.
I wanted to be able to get inthat deep water and just do the
darn thing, so I stepped it up anotch.
(14:31):
I'm still taking my group swimlessons, but then I got my swim
instructor privately.
So I'm doing swim lessons twicea week and let me tell you the
difference that this has made.
For one, it's even morechallenging because now the
focus is on me instead of thewhole group.
(14:53):
When you have that one-on-oneinstruction, you get to see the
difference where what your formis like.
You get to see if you'reholding your breath too long,
because that is a thing.
You get to see if your strokesare bad.
So you get to see how you havegrown and developed and where
you can grow and develop somemore, because now your
(15:14):
instructor is focused solely onyou.
So I would do my private lessonright before, like a couple
days before, the group class.
So by the time I get to thegroup class I'm moving up even
more and people are like, oh,you can swim, you can swim, you
got this, you got this.
(15:35):
And I'm like, no, for one,people didn't see the work that
I was doing before.
So the practice that I wasgetting in before, so I'm
getting the practice in with myswim instructor, but also I'm
going to the pool like two orthree days before my swim lesson
so I can practice the skillthat I was taught the week
before.
Sometimes we just got to get inthere and practice and do some
(15:58):
extra work in order for us to beable to master it and feel
comfortable in it.
So we're doing the privatelesson.
And the thing about the privatelesson my instructor was asking
me well, what is it that youwant to hone in on?
What is it that you want todefinitely walk away with after
(16:19):
these lessons are done?
And I said, well, one, I needto work on my breathing.
So there's this the breathingtechnique when you do freestyle
swimming.
I have not mastered how to dothat.
It is very important that yoube able to breathe when you're
swimming because you know, I'mnot a fish.
My lungs need air.
I can flip on my back insurvival mode so I can get some
(16:40):
air, but I want to be able tofreestyle swim and not have to
stop and still be able tobreathe.
So we're.
She said, okay, we can work onthat.
And I said I also want to beable to tread water.
Okay.
So those are two skills, twogoals that I set forth, that I
wanted to work on.
And she said, okay, we can dothat, and then we can work on
these other things too.
(17:00):
We can work on these otherthings too.
So she surprised me one day.
She says, so, we're going to goto a different pool.
I was like, okay.
She said, yeah, this one'sdeeper.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
And she says to me, yeah,you're going to, you're going to
get into the deeper end.
It's about eight feet.
Are you okay with that?
My body, my mind, my soul, myspirit was saying no, but out of
(17:25):
my mouth it came yes.
So she said, okay, we're goingto meet at this pool at this
time.
I'll see you there.
Okay, I get there and Irealized, okay, what's about to
happen.
She's going to have me go intoa deeper end.
So this pool, the pool that I'vebeen taking my original lessons
(17:47):
in, goes up to about four feet.
I'm 5'1", I can stand up, I'mgood.
This pool goes up to eight feet.
So the reality of not beingable to touch the bottom, you
know my survival skill that Iwould tell myself girl, just
stand up.
You're tell myself, girl, juststand up, not going down, just
stand up, okay, I can't stand upin eight feet of water.
(18:10):
So I get there and I'm thinkingshe's going to have me start
from the shallow end, get warmedup, get acclimated, and then we
move, we progress to deeperwater.
No, ma'am, pam, I get there.
There she's like come on downto the deep end.
And I said to do what she says,you're gonna jump in.
(18:30):
I said who gonna do what now?
She said yeah, you're gonnajump in.
I said why can't we start fromthe shallow?
And she said no, because westart from the shallow and
you're gonna freak out when weget down here.
She said we're just gonna jumpin.
She said you have been doingthis long enough that you know
what to do, and I'm right herewith you when you do it.
That, right there, ministeredto me, because isn't life like
(18:52):
that, like we know what to do?
But when we have somebody therethat has been teaching us and
instructing us and guiding us,hello, holy Spirit.
When we go into thesesituations where we're fearful,
we always have somebody that'swith us.
So, holy Spirit, when we gointo these situations where
we're fearful, we always havesomebody that's with us.
(19:13):
So I'm going down to the deepend and I'm like oh, I can feel
my heart beating in my ears andI'm scared.
I'm not scared, scared, I'mscared.
So I get down to the deeper end.
You know, she makes swimminglook so easy because she's been
doing this since she was likeknee-high to a grasshopper.
So she's just, you know,floating, making it look
effortless.
Then she's like okay, are youjust jumping when you're ready?
(19:37):
And I'm like I'm not ready, bythis time I can feel my body
tensing.
So I had to do some deepbreathing and calm myself down
because I can do this.
My mind, I'm telling myselfthat I can do this.
I'm telling myself I can dothis, but I know that my mind is
going into protect mode becausethis is something that I had
(19:58):
never done.
So by that time the lifeguardcomes over and she's like you
can do it.
She said I'm here, do you wantme to jump in with you if you do
it?
I'm like no, no, no, no, I gotto do it, I got to do it.
Then the people in the officestart coming out.
So by now people are realizingwhat's happening, and so they're
coming to cheer me on.
No pressure, right?
(20:18):
That just made me nervous.
What people most people don'tknow about me is I'm very shy,
I'm very much of an introvertand I don't like a lot of
attention on me, even though Ican get on stages and give
speeches, I can do this podcast,I can get on like all that.
I don't like a lot of attentionon me.
This was giving me a lot ofattention, so everybody's like
(20:39):
trying to encourage me andeverything I said.
Finally, I just stop talking.
Just stop talking because I hadto silence the noise and
sometimes we have to do thatwhen we're in a panic or fearful
or whatever.
Sometimes we just have tosilence the noise.
And so I closed my eyes andy'all.
I wish, I wish I had a pictureof how my toes were clinging to
(21:05):
the side of the pool, the edgeof the pool.
I was like so nervous I think Iwas white knuckling the edge of
the pool with my toes but Iclosed my eyes, I took a deep
breath, I held my nose because Ididn't want water running up in
my nose and I jumped in.
When I opened my eyes, I wasunderwater and the first thing I
said to myself was don't panic,and I jumped in.
When I opened my eyes, I wasunderwater and the first thing I
(21:25):
said was to myself was don'tpanic.
And I realized I was floating.
I was floating back up to thetop and I said, oh, ok.
And immediately what I learnedkicked in.
I started to tread water andwhen I looked around and my head
came up above water, morgan wassmiling, the lifeguard was
(21:46):
cheering me on, the people thatwere in the lanes beside us that
were swimming, they stoppedswimming.
They were clapping for me.
Everybody was clapping, and I'mlike I did it.
I have never been so proud ofmyself than in that moment.
Right then I conquered thatfear and then I realized what
was happening.
I was like where's the wall?
Where's the wall to the pool?
(22:07):
I was like where's the wall tothe pool?
And so I was holding on to thewall.
I was standing on the stairsand Morgan was like you did it,
you did it, great job, great job.
So we went through the skillsand by the time we had gotten
into the lesson, I felt morecomfortable.
But then she upped it up anotch and I'm like OK, so she
(22:31):
takes me.
She says, ok, you're going toswim from the deep end to the
shallow end.
Ok, cool, I'm swimming.
Cool, I have to.
You know, since I haven'tmastered the rhythm of the side
breathing with freestyling, Iflip on my back.
Instinct kicked in.
You don't understand howsurvival skills kick in until
(22:55):
you have to use them.
So I flip on my back and I'mfloating on my back, I'm kind of
like still kicking and movingmy arms, so I'm still moving in
the water and then I flip backover.
Next thing, I realized I'm inthe shallow and I can stand up,
but I swim all the way to theend.
And then I stand up and I'mlike I'm looking at the other
end of the pool and I'm like, yo, I just swam from that end to
this end.
(23:15):
Huh, that's pretty cool.
So my swim instructor allows meto catch my breath and then she
says all right, we're going togo back, you're going to swim
back.
And I said okay.
She said what I want you to dois look at the line at the
bottom of the pool.
She said don't think about thedrop, look at the line of the
(23:38):
pool.
And I'm like okay, because it'san Olympic-sized pool.
So here in the city there areOlympic athletes who come to
train there at that particularpool so you can imagine the
lanes that are lined.
So, okay, I'm in the shallowend.
(24:02):
I start off swimming, swimming,swimming, swimming, swimming,
flip, swimming, swimming, swim.
And then I look and I see theline drop.
I immediately knew that I wasin the deep end and I felt my
entire body like clamp.
I felt every muscle just, and Ihad to flip on my back real
(24:28):
quick because I knew if I hadn'tdone that I was going to start
to go into a panic and I'm likeTracy, trust the skills that you
learned, trust your body, yougot this.
So I float on my back, stillkicking, still moving, still
breathing.
I'm able to take deep, slowbreaths to kind of calm my
nerves.
And then, when I felt ready, Iflipped back over and I swam to
the other end and then I waslike I just swam all the way
(24:50):
from the shallow end to the deepend and by the end of our
lesson I was able to do a skillscheck and I passed, I passed.
Do a skills check and I passed,I passed.
I was able to tread water for aminute and do my strokes and
(25:11):
everything and I was like, wow,t, you really did that.
And I'm so proud of myself,because the old me would not
have done that, the old me wouldnot have have embraced that
fear and embrace the challenges.
I would have taken my panic asfailure and like, see, you can't
do this, don't do that.
(25:31):
So sometimes we got to shut offthe self-talk as well, because
I don't know about you.
I'm my hardest and worst critic.
Nobody can talk down to mebetter than I can.
So much so that I will neverforget my best friend telling me
to not speak about her bestfriend in the manner of which I
had spoken about myself in frontof her ever again, and I've
(25:54):
been mindful of that ever sinceshe said that, and this has been
about five or six years ago.
So thank you, bestie, andthat's a perfect example of why
you need to have good, soundfriends.
So I am still taking the swimlessons because, again, I want
to hone in and build thoseskills and get so comfortable
(26:18):
with myself, like I actuallywant to get to the point where I
can pass a lifeguarding test.
I'm not going to be a lifeguardnow, no, no, no, I'm not making
a career change, but I justwant to know that I'm able to do
that skill set because in orderto pass a lifeguard test, you
got to be able to swim.
Swim because you're savingsomebody's life.
So I want to read um thatsomeone has shared with me in my
(26:45):
dms, because I have a ton ofpeople that get in my dms and
say, oh, I'm so inspired by whatyou're doing, I wish I could do
that, blah, blah, blah.
And so this is um, someone thatI know, actually, who said to me
that they wish they knew how toswim, and I'm just going to
read this exchange to you If Ican find it.
(27:06):
Did I delete it?
I don't know, I may have to gooff memory y'all, and if I have
to bless it, bless it if I haveto.
Okay, yeah, I found it Right.
So we talk a lot Um, so let mejust scroll up, but I hope that
so far, this is helping youconquer a fear that you may have
(27:33):
, or if you felt defeated insomething you know I hope this
is you hear something in herethat helped you.
And so she dm'd me and she saidI wish I could swim.
And I said don't sit in thewish, take the the lessons and
learn.
And I know that that's easiersaid than done, because a lot of
people really do have a fear.
She says I'm scared of thewater.
And so the coach psychologistkicked in and I said to her you
(27:57):
take showers and wash your hands, so I know you aren't scared of
water.
The fear is something else.
Unpack that fear.
Is it a past trauma with alarge body of water?
Is it a fear of drowning?
Unpack it to conquer it.
An instructor, a good one, canhelp you overcome the fear.
And she reveals to me that shealmost drowned as a kid.
(28:18):
So, fun fact, I almost drownedas a kid too, because some
adults thought that it would bewise to just throw me in the
deep end of the water.
They knew that I could not swim, but they thought it would be
wise to throw me in the deep endof the water because they, I
guess they felt like I wouldautomatically learn how to swim.
(28:39):
And no, not so.
So I almost drowned.
They did have to come in andget me, and I think that was the
first time that I've ever sawmy mama go.
Mama bear, that's a story foranother day.
So I replied to my friend that'sit because, meaning that we
just figured out why she hasthis fear.
(28:59):
We just figured out why she hasthis fear, and I shared with
her that I almost drowned as akid and I actually got a
whooping for being near thewater because my mom told me not
to go near the water and I didanyway.
So, yeah, I might need to talkto my therapist about that,
because that was weird.
Like I almost died, mama, thenyou going to whoop me anyway.
(29:21):
So.
And then we had a pool party,so why could not be near the
water if you bring me to a poolparty?
That didn't make sense.
The math was math in there.
But anyway, I digress and so Isaid I told my friend that you
deserve to not live in thetrauma of the past, and I say
that to you as well you deserveto not live in the trauma of the
(29:45):
past.
How many things have happened inour lives where we just still
sit there?
It's a lot of things thatimpact us when we were, that
happened to us when we were kids, that still impact us in our
adulthood, and this is why I amsuch an advocate for therapy.
A good therapist will unpackthat trauma and help you work
through it and give you goodcoping skills and resources to
(30:06):
never to be in a place where younever are severely impacted by
it again, and I just hope and Ipray that you are able to unpack
your traumas and grow from them, because you are definitely
worth the fight, definitelyDefinitely worth the fight and,
as somebody who has been througha lot of trauma, I'm actually a
(30:29):
trauma survivor multiple timesover.
When people look at me, theywill never know that I've been
through the things that I'vebeen through unless I share them
with them, because I made adecision to not be held back
anymore.
The Bible tells us that Godwants us to have life and to
(30:52):
live life more abundantly.
My abundant life, my empoweredlife, is not tied to fear, not
saying that I'm never going tofeel fear again because I will.
You let a spider come crawlacross here and I'm going to be
like ah, ah.
But there's a differencebetween having a fear and having
a trauma-induced fear and Idon't want to live in that
(31:15):
trauma-induced fear anymore.
So I'm out here kicking buttand taking names when it comes
to this fear and, like I said,the only way you're going to
know if you can actually dosomething is if you do it and
when you have somebody that isstanding beside you, teaching
you and guiding you and leadingyou.
There's so much you can do andyou'll be surprised at how far
(31:39):
you come.
So just keep swimming, justkeep swimming, just keep
swimming, swimming, swimming,just keep swimming, swimming,
swimming, like Dory in FindingNemo.
So there was something that Ilearned in the group classes and
I shared this with my mentorand I hope I can remember it,
like how I said it to her.
I should have written it down,but I was telling her you know,
(32:02):
being in these group classes,when I first started swimming,
they would give us theinstruction, so everybody would
be there.
They would give us theinstruction, they would
demonstrate the drill so wecould see what it looked like,
and then they would work with usto get the learn, the skill.
I'm going to tell you where Istarted messing up.
I started messing up when Istarted looking at the other
(32:23):
students, when I started lookingat their progress, because some
students picked up thingsfaster than I did.
So when they would swim fasterthan me, like when we started
swimming from one end of thepool to the other, I was always
the last one to get there.
Always that started tofrustrate me and then I was like
girl, you got to realize yougot to swim at your own pace.
(32:45):
Because I don't know what theirmindset was.
I was like I was more focusedon learning the drill, learning
the skill.
It didn't matter how fast I gotthere.
So it doesn't matter how youfinish, is that you finish?
So I would like y'all go ahead.
I'll get there when I get there.
If y'all need to swim back, I'mgonna get you.
But I started messing up when Istarted looking at everybody
(33:06):
else's progress and not payingattention to my own, and I
started messing up when itstarted to pick up like their,
their bad habits.
So a lot of times when you'rebeing taught something, the
instructor is going to give youthe instructions and show you
how to do it the proper way, theright way, but you're going to
always pick up something that'sgoing to be catered to you and
(33:28):
then it gets to a point whereit's like you're no longer
showing your work, you justgetting the result.
So there came a point where Iwould watch somebody kick,
because kicking has not been mystrong suit.
Like I kick way too much andyou actually don't have to do a
whole lot of kicking when youswim.
If you are a swimmer.
You know what I'm talking about.
But it seems like you'reconstantly moving your feet.
No, you're not.
(33:49):
Like there are points where youjust kind of glide through the
water and you just kind of likework with the water, let the
water keep you afloat, andthings like that Keep air in
your lungs.
You're going to float.
But I was looking at theirtechnique and then it did not
work for me.
I mean, it was so bad that Iwould start to sink.
And I'm like well, why am Isinking?
(34:10):
And my instructor said one dayit's because you're not doing
the technique the way that Itaught you.
You're looking at somebodyelse's technique and that
doesn't work for you.
Baby, when I tell you the lightbulb came on, I was like, oh,
this applies to my entire lifethen.
Because when I'm looking atsomebody's technique, they're
not saying that I don't needinstruction because, again, the
(34:33):
instructor showed me how to dothis thing.
But our body types aredifferent, our body makeups are
different, the way we learn isdifferent, the way we move is
different.
She gave me the fundamental,but I had to figure it out in a
way that it worked for me.
Ah, amen, I hope y'all caughtthat.
(34:53):
So, when I'm still doing thefundamentals and figuring out
the way the technique works forme, I stopped sinking, I started
gliding through the water andthat's why it looked like to the
untrained eye.
It looked like I knew what Iwas doing.
(35:13):
I'm learning, just likeeverybody else, and that's the
thing with life.
You may have a great technique,you may have even honed in on a
couple skills and be strong atthem, and it looks like you got
it all together.
But let's be real.
We are all learning every day.
And when we start to understandthat everybody on this planet
(35:38):
first of all has to start fromground zero and learn something,
everybody starts off as abeginner.
Don't be embarrassed.
Don't be embarrassed becauseyou don't know something.
Learn it and learn it at yourown pace and be proud of
yourself when you do learning,but don't get complacent.
Learn something else.
Celebrate your win, but learnsomething else.
(36:01):
And I'm so thankful for, firstof all, god showing me all these
lessons and just these daggoneswim classes, because he's just
so amazing, but also being ableto realize that it is not as bad
as I thought here.
(36:21):
I was afraid of deep water whenall I had to do was learn how to
float.
Somebody gonna catch thatSometimes.
We just gotta learn how tofloat, you just gotta learn how
to float.
And the thing about one thingI've learned about swimming
(36:43):
there's even a technique totreading water.
So when I first startedtreading water, my instructor
had to correct me because I wasdoing it wrong.
I was exerting way more energythan what was necessary and what
I needed.
So, treading water, I'm thinkingI'm gonna have to kick my legs
like out.
Like I can't explain it, youkind of have to see it.
So I'm thinking I have to kickmy legs out, away from my body,
(37:04):
and it's more so.
I'm in, I'm straight, like I'm,I'm, everything is aligned and
my arms are out and doing liketheir thing, um, keeping me
afloat, and but my legs are kindof like it's almost like riding
a bicycle or being on anelliptical machine yeah, that's
probably the best way I candescribe it kind of like being
on an elliptical machine, um,that uses less energy.
(37:27):
So when I was doing it thefirst way and my swim instructor
didn't even realize that I wastreading water wrong until we
got into that deep water,because you really can't tell in
in three feet, but when we gotin the deeper end, she was able
to see what I was actually doingand how I was not.
(37:47):
I was not doing the correcttechnique, and that's why it was
costing so much energy, why Iwas getting so tired when all I
had to do was let the water workwith me.
And one thing that I learned isdon't fight the water, because
(38:08):
you will actually float.
You'll be surprised.
You will actually float as longas you're breathing, and so I
am still continuing the lessons.
I'm going to keep going untilmy trip in November.
At the time of the recording ofthis podcast, it is September
(38:30):
28th, and so I am still going.
And another thing, anothernugget I want to give y'all do
it until you get it.
Don't do it because somebody istelling you otherwise.
Don't let anything stop youfrom reaching your goal.
(38:50):
Now, be wise, use wisdom anddiscernment when reaching your
goals, because you got to learnwhen to know when to hold them
and know when to fold them.
Everything is not meant to be anow thing, so use your wisdom,
but you can tell the differencebetween somebody actually giving
you wise counsel and somebodythat is putting their fear on
(39:12):
you, or somebody that's comingto you from a place that they've
never experienced.
I remember somebody telling me Ihave this desire to live abroad
and I can't tell you how manypeople would tell me, oh, it's
dangerous in such and such place.
I'm like it's dangerous in theUnited States, what are you
talking about?
(39:33):
And this person didn't evenhave a passport, but they're
telling me how dangerous it issomeplace else.
I'm like how do you know?
Were you there?
You weren't there.
So sometimes you my mentor,said it best Always consider the
source.
If it's someone who's never lefttheir small town, how are you
(39:56):
going to tell me what it's liketo travel to another country?
You never even left this smalltown.
We have two differentperspectives.
We have two differentexperiences.
Your experience is out ofhearsay, mine is going to be out
of actual being there.
Consider the source, actualbeing there.
(40:19):
Consider the source.
All right, y'all, that's it.
That's all I got for this week.
I hope that this has helped youin some kind of way.
If you have a fear, baby,conquer that thing.
Conquer that thing.
Don't let that fear hold youback.
God has not given you a spiritof fear, but a power, love and a
sound mind, and that does notmean that we will not feel fear.
What it means is that we'regoing to deal with it a whole
lot different than what otherswould.
(40:40):
So with that I bid you adieu,because I'm actually it's a
Saturday afternoon.
I got so much stuff to do y'all, I actually got to go and get
some work done on my nine tofive on a Saturday.
I know child.
I know child.
Yesterday, at the time ofrecording this podcast, we had
Hurricane Helene come throughhere and I had no power for
about eight hours.
(41:01):
I had no electrical power but Istill had the power of the Holy
Spirit, amen.
So I got to catch up on somework from yesterday.
So, and do laundry, you knowall the Saturday stuff, all the
Saturday running around, but Ihope and I pray that you will
return next week.
And you know, did you know thatyou can leave me a text message?
(41:22):
You can message me now, girl.
Yeah, at the bottom of the shownotes, um, you'll see a link
that says send me a message ortext me or something like that.
Send me a message and I willshout you out on next episode.
I can can't type you back, so Ican't reply back in writing,
but I can shout you out on thenext episode.
So make sure that you leave mea message, let me know what you
think about this episode, whatyou think about the show, if
(41:44):
there are any topics you want meto cover and discuss, um, all
that stuff.
You know this is an interactivepodcast, even though I'm sitting
here talking, you know you, youmy friend.
I need you to talk back becauseI don't want to look crazy
sitting here talking to myself.
But yeah, make sure you text me, let me know what you think and
be sure to follow me on all thesocials, like I said earlier,
(42:06):
and do all that good stuff.
I just want to know that you'rethere and know that.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you and I thank you
for all that you've done andyou're doing, and know that.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you and I thank you
for all that you've done andyou're doing and for being so
supportive.
You know I love, love, love,love, love you from the bottom
of my heart.
I truly, truly mean that.
So until next time my peepsjoin me back here for another
(42:26):
episode of the charting stationpodcast and remember God loves
you, I love you and ain'tnothing you can do about it.
Boo, bye.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.