April 30, 2025 • 44 mins
In this powerful conversation, counselor Breeze Potts, LMHC, addresses the mental and emotional struggles that often hold women back from stepping into their God-given purpose. From insecurity and self-doubt to the lies we believe about our worth, Breeze unpacks the unhealthy mindsets that trip us up and offers practical, compassionate tools for moving from unhealthy thinking patterns to healthy, life-giving ones. With years of experience helping women navigate their inner battles, Breeze brings clarity, encouragement, and actionable advice for anyone wanting to show up more fully and freely as a woman of impact.
Key Takeaways:
- How insecurities and negative self-talk sabotage your calling.
- Practical steps to replace lies with truth and embrace your God-given worth.
- The power of mindset: why shifting your mental habits can transform your life and impact.
- How to recognize and confront the “psyching out” that happens in daily life, keeping us from pursuing our purpose.
- The importance of building a healthy mental foundation to live as a woman of impact.
Ad: Our All the Best Devotional will help you connect with Jesus and find peace and restoration. Through guided reflection on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10, you'll gain insight into how to overcome distractions, worry, comparison, and more.
The Women of Impact Online Course provides teaching and inspiration from women making a huge impact in the world as they tap into God’s purpose for their lives in the sectors and spaces they’ve been called to. Get inspired and equipped to make an impact with YOUR life.
Use code “IMPACT” for 50% off the course!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:13):
Hey, friends.
So glad you hopped on theCollide podcast today. I hope that
you are having a great day. Ihave an amazing interview for you.
We're in the middle of ourWomen of Impact series. And we're
doing this series because weknow that women want to contribute,
(00:35):
we want to be used to doamazing things, we want to impact
the world. We want to make adifference. And so we have known
this for years at Collidebecause we spend so much time with
women and yet so often there'sthese obstacles that get in the way
of us truly making an impact.And so we created a course that has,
(00:58):
I don't know, 70 some classesin it, and you can learn from these
women, but we thought, why nothave some of these women pop on the
podcast so you could learnfrom them. So today you get to hear
from a woman of impact, and Iknow it will impact you.
So check it out. I'm so gladthat you are in the Health for a
(01:22):
Purpose section of thiscourse. What an important area that
we need to cover so that wecan all be healthy women of impact.
And so in this session, we getto sit with Breeze Potts(LMHC), who
is a mental health therapistand someone that I've been friends
with for over 20 years. Andyou are going to be blessed by all
(01:43):
of the wisdom and counsel thatshe shares. So Breeze, thank you
for letting me sucker you intohanging out with me.
Thanks for asking.
We've been friends for over 20years, which is really weird to say
out loud because it makes mefeel old, but we became friends way
back in the day and we werekind of two women who wanted to make
(02:04):
an impact in young college agestudents lives. And we were on staff
at a college ministry. Andover the years you went from being
an intern to being a staffperson, to being assistant director
of that ministry, to leavingthat ministry, going back to school,
getting your master's degreeto become a counselor, becoming a
mom. And now you have your ownpractice helping people and you're
(02:29):
a professional mental healththerapist. So as you look back over
the 20 years, of all thedifferent ways that God has used
you to become a woman ofimpact, what strikes you about kind
of looking back over thatjourney of all the different changes?
I mean, truthfully, I had nobusiness doing some of the things
(02:52):
I was put in positions for,but I also think that's just how
God led me in relationshiptowards him. And so I think some
of the roles that you, youknow, specifically assistant director,
it's like, oh my gosh, Ididn't have a Clue what I was doing.
(03:14):
It doesn't feel like thatlooking back, it doesn't feel like
that was the right role forme. But for whatever reason, that's
a part of the puzzle. That's apart of the story, and I can't tell
you why.
It's kind of funny that yousay you had no business doing that.
And I think what you might bespeaking to is just feelings of inadequacy
(03:34):
or feelings that almost thatthe Lord pulls our life into places
and into opportunities andresponsibilities that we might not
feel ready for or capable ofor don't feel like we have, you know,
the whole handbook on how tonail this and more equipped for.
Yeah, absolutely. And yet thatis so much like you said, the way
(03:57):
that the Lord kind of grows usand shapes us and refines us is a
little bit by this constantchallenge. And that is the space
where we make an impact. If weavoid that challenge and avoid that
discomfort, we don't tend tomake as big of an impact.
Right.
Breeze, I can look back andsee over the years how you've impacted
(04:20):
lives in all of thesedifferent roles, whether you felt
ready for those roles or not.I saw you impacting people, but I'm
kind of wondering, did youfeel while you were living out those
roles or carrying out thoseresponsibilities or had those specific
jobs, did you feel like youwere making an impact?
I think the answer is no. ButI think that it's partly because
(04:43):
of that. That wasn'tnecessarily what I was looking for.
I think my focus was just todo the thing in front of me. But
I think, I think impact in mymind has always been a little bit
of an overwhelming term. It'slike it makes me zoom out really
big. I almost imagine being inthe universe and picturing earth
(05:06):
down here. And so a metaphorthat I use often in my life and in
my practice with other womenis the idea of a puzzle. And you
know, one role in my life isone tiny puzzle piece of, you know,
a really large thousand piecepuzzle or something. And it's kind
(05:27):
of a crapshoot to figure outhow that fits initially. But as other
pieces are laid down, itstarts to make sense. But that takes
time and sometimes that takestime and distance to gain the objectivity
to see it put together alittle bit differently.
Yeah, I think you're speakingto something that feels universal
to a lot of women, at leastthat I work with. And you have women
(05:49):
that come into your office forcounsel all the time. I feel like
so many women desire to makean impact to make a difference, to
live a meaningful life. Butthey feel overwhelmed by the big
picture idea of what. Whatdoes that look like? And they go
big first instead of small.And being faithful to the thing that
God has put in front of themright now, which. I love that you're
(06:12):
bringing that up. What are youseeing as far as women feeling almost
like they're not enough, kindof plagued by this not enough feeling?
The women that come in seeking help.
And counseling, I mean, thefirst thing that comes to mind that
I think is rampant in ourculture is just this pattern of comparing
(06:32):
ourselves to our neighbors, toour friends, to our family members,
to people that we don't knowon social media, to characters in
books. I mean, it'severywhere. And it's not overtly
negative to be comparative,but it leads towards unhealthy ways
of perceiving ourselves.That's the most common thing I hear.
(06:58):
And I think it would be honestto tell you, I also may see that,
because that's something Iparticularly have struggled with
throughout my life, is how doI fit according to what other people
are or are not doing or are orare not saying? How do I fit in here?
(07:18):
How do I make sense of myself?
Yeah, well, it's amazing tome, too, how much our effort to compare
doesn't actually help ourimpact. It actually gets in the way.
But we're doing it constantly.Like, if I could be like her, and
I could be like her, and if Iwas like her, but that actually just
holds us back from. Frommeaningful work and life. Right?
(07:40):
Because also, I think you'reright. I think it. We naturally idealize
the other. And so if I'mcomparing myself to you, I kind of
put you on this pedestal thatmakes you able to do no wrong and,
you know, have no struggle.But all I can see for myself is struggle.
And so just immediately we'reincongruent. I can never win in that
(08:04):
scenario. And so you're right.It really is a way that we hold ourselves
back and it really gets in theway of, first of all, how we view
ourselves, but then the impactwe can have, because all we can,
really, what's magnified is,are the ways in which we're different
(08:25):
than everyone else or we feelas though we're different than everyone
else.
What do you think helps womenget unstuck from that comparison
game?
Something I use all the timein my practice. Sounds a little silly,
but I have people imaginegoing to your local carnival or your
(08:45):
local county fair orsomething, and going into the house
of Mayors, you know what I'mtalking about.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, and so, you know, the first.
Go for the skinny ones, the first.
One you see is a. Is a more anaccurate representation of you. But
as you move through the houseof mirrors, the rest of them are
(09:06):
very distorted images. And sohow I. How I use this metaphor in
my practice with people is tohelp remind them to come back to
the true mirror and, you know,spend time there, spend time figuring
out who they are and betterunderstanding themselves. But if
(09:26):
we're only looking indistorted mirrors, we can't actually
see or access truth becausethe image is just distorted. And
so it's meant to continue todistort everything else accordingly.
And so I think the first orderof business is to even back up a
step to recognize that we'renot looking in a truthful mirror
(09:47):
and then to help women try tolook in mirrors that portray an accurate
reflection. And I'm meaning,you know, both literal mirrors, but
I'm also meaning inrelationships with people, safe people
in their lives who cancommunicate back to us, who are you?
And, you know, who do Iexperience you to be? And that might
(10:08):
be different than what youimagine that I experience of you.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that's. That's aninteresting way to put it. And also
hard work, like to invitepeople in to reflect back what they
see in you and to actuallyreceive it.
Right.
But so. So important.
Absolutely. But I. But I thinkthe idea of impact is. Is. I mean,
(10:34):
it's. I think of concentriccircles, like, you know, we start
here and we go outward. And soas we know who we are, we can also
expand outward and blessothers. And they bless others. And
on and on it goes.
One of the main purposes ofhaving this conversation with you
is I really wanted to talk toyou about healthy mindsets, unhealthy
(10:56):
mindsets, as far as making animpact. And one of the things that
I see a lot, and even goingback to a question I asked you earlier,
which was, could you see thatyou were enough in the moment to
make an impact, or can youonly look back and go, you know what
I did? I did a great job. Iwas faithful. I served people, because
(11:21):
I can see that in you. Butsometimes we have a hard time seeing
it in ourselves because wedon't feel enough. What is that about
not being able to havecontentment in the now, but more
disappointment in ourselves?We tend to live in kind of like,
I'm not enough. I'mdisappointed now, but then later
we can look back and Feellike, no, I did my best. Right.
(11:44):
I think it has, going back tothe puzzle metaphor, I think it's
this idea of time and distanceoffers us the bigger picture, and
I think that's helpful. Sonaturally, because we can see a bigger
picture, things are moresettled, they're more in place, and
we understand more when wehave one puzzle piece. And, you know,
(12:07):
it's very abstract, it'confusing, it's very. It's hard to
understand, it's hard to makesense of. But I think I talk a lot
in my practice about, like,this idea of zooming in and zooming
out. It has to be both. Like,we have to. We have to look down
(12:27):
at what's in front of us. Wehave to be faithful to those things.
But we also have to pick ourhead up and look around us and get
our bearings and, you know, beoriented in the world around us.
But then we have to keeplooking back down. It's the both
and it's. We can't. We can'tjust have one direction. And I think
sometimes this disappointmentthat you describe is because we're
(12:48):
fixated on one or the other.We might be too fixated on the really
small puzzle piece and wecan't make sense of it, or we might
be too fixated on the bigpicture and we can't make sense of
what that means for me rightnow. And, you know, I think there's
different ways of looking atit. I think there are visionaries
in this world that are reallygood at seeing the big picture that
might struggle with, like,what's my next action step? And there
(13:11):
are other people. I think I'mmore in this camp. Like, I see really
well what's in front of me,but I don't, I can't always make
sense and have foresight aboutwhat that means 20 steps down the
road.
That's so true. I mean, I'mself evaluating right now. Like,
which one am I, like, pronetowards? That's why I need people
who do the opposite. Like, Itend to zoom out. Right. And I need
(13:34):
people who zoom in.
Right.
But I haven't thought aboutzoom in, zoom out. That's so good.
You do so much work with womenin your counseling office, and I'm
sure there's women who come inthere who really want to be women
of impact. What do you see?We've talked about comparison. We've
talked about the zoom and zoomout thing. What are some other things
that get in the way of womenmaking an impact with their lives?
(13:59):
I think women get in their ownway, when they have really high expectations
for themselves that they alsowouldn't have for anyone else. And
so, you know, I would neversay to you the horribly cruel things
I can say to myself at thedrop of a hat. Even sitting here.
(14:23):
I'm aware of a couple thingsthat I won't say out loud but that
aren't kind to myself that Iwould never say to you. Um, and I
think that's one of ourbiggest roadblocks or one of the
biggest ways that we get inour own get in our own way is because
we have this incongruence ofvery high unobtainable expectations
(14:48):
for ourselves and then tons ofgrace and compassion for the people
around us. Even people that wemight not deem like close relationships.
We can access compassionpretty easily for people, but not
always for ourselves.
How do we let go of some ofthose unrealistic expectations of
(15:08):
self and instead begin to showgrace to ourselves?
Well, I think it's hard work,but I think we first have to just
have someone help us see thatwe have those unrealistic expectations.
And then we have to start todo the softening process of literally
(15:31):
asking ourselves, what would Isay to someone else? And start to
entertain those same ideas forourselves. I mean, that's sort of
an overview. But that helpingwomen start to befriend themselves
in such a way that they canfind compassion for themselves is
(15:57):
a really important process andone that I have been through myself
and continue to go through.But I think it naturally catches
women by surprise when I askthem, what would you say to someone
sitting on the other end ofthis couch in your very circumstances?
(16:21):
They're very caught bysurprise at the very kind things
they would say to someone. Andthen when I ask them to say, well,
what are you saying toyourself? The incongruence there
is. I mean, it's so stark. Andso I think just noticing, first of
all, just being aware thatthat's a thing and that that's happening
in our lives is the first stepto change.
(16:45):
Well, I love that you're evenhaving this conversation with me
while you're being self awareabout some of the expectations you're
putting on yourself, even inthis moment, and you're modeling
it by being authentic aboutit. I love that so much. I think
that shows like a great selfawareness. I mean, I'm not a counselor.
(17:05):
You're a counselor, but I'mjust going to call it.
I'm just a fellow junior.
So let's talk aboutinsecurities because I See this all
the time where women, theywant to be a part of making the world
a better place and impactinglives and whatever sector God's called
them into. But so often theirown insecurities get in the way of
(17:28):
them doing the things theyfeel called to do. How do you see
insecurity showing up in youroffice in women's lives?
I mean, probably in every waypossible. Probably in the same ways
that you're hearing about it.But you know, it kind of goes back
to that comparative pattern Iwas talking about earlier. I mean,
(17:49):
I think we are insecure aboutthings that we are measuring ourselves
according to other people by.So like, how fit am I? How do I decorate
my house, you know, comparedto how Willow decorates her house
or how do I dress? But I thinkto. So I mean, I think we could,
(18:12):
I could go on and on and onwith all the examples. But I think
something that feels importantto say is that I think all of that
can get boiled down to beingthis idea that we are putting our
power of who we are in someoneelse's hands. It's. It kind of all
boils down to how we'reperceived by someone else. And so
(18:32):
they hold the measuring rod towho we are. And that will always
leave us empty handed. Thatwill always leave us feeling less
than. Because no one else isgoing to evaluate for us. Well, because
they're too concerned abouthow they're doing. Right. So it's,
it's just, it's a faultysystem. I think what I want to say
(18:53):
is that women who areconstantly putting themselves at
the mercy or at the risk ofbeing judged or measured by someone
else or according to someoneelse's measuring rod will often end
up feeling less than. Butthat's because we have to determine
(19:13):
what is our measuring rod,what are the standards for me, what
are the things that God hascalled me to, what are the things
that I value in my life? Andwe have to start valuing or measuring
those things in our life bythose standards. If I value my life
by your, the standards youhave for your life, I'm already failing
(19:34):
because I'm not, I'm not aleader of an organization. I'm way
better one on one. And so. Butif that's the setup for me to use
your measuring rod and thethings that are going on in your
life to determine my selfworth, I mean, do you see how that
leads me to a dead end? Right.
(19:55):
Well, you're not freed up tobe who you are.
Exactly.
Constantly feeling like youhave to be someone else.
Exactly.
Just a trap you cancontinually be stuck in.
Exactly. So, I mean, I thinkit goes back to some of the comparative
patterns, but then also someof the expectations that we've already
talked about. Also.
(20:17):
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(20:37):
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(21:01):
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I see women often believinglies about themselves. And I know
(21:27):
you do this work in reallydeep ways and I hear about the impact
you're making in women's livesin your office. But so often we struggle
to believe things that aren'ttrue about ourselves because we had
an experience where someonesaid those words or called us that
name, or we, you know,experience rejection over and over
(21:50):
again. So we started tobelieve that we deserve to be alone,
Whatever. Whatever the lie is.And I'm curious, you know, a lot
of women might be able toidentify the lies they believe about
themselves. They might not bewhat's your best advice for not only
identifying the lies but butditching them and then replacing
them with truths.
(22:12):
I think that goes back to thecarnival mirror metaphor that I used
earlier. I think the firstthing I would want to encourage someone
to do is to get in front of anaccurate reflection. So that might
be scripture, that might be asafe person, that might be some sort
(22:32):
of Bible study or small groupor support group or something that
allows you to be fullyyourself and receives you for being
fully yourself, because that'sthe making of being able to. That's
the foundation for being ableto take in feedback from other people.
(22:52):
But if we don't, I mean, if wedon't start with the first step of
just putting ourselves in thatplace, we can't expect to get to
truth because we're stilllooking in a distorted mirror. And
so I think the first step isjust to get in to the light of truth,
get into the, The. The. Theposture of truth. And then what was
(23:18):
the second part of your question?
How do we not only recognizeit, but ditch it and then replace
lies with truth?
Right. I think that's a littlebit of a. That's a little bit more
complex, and there's not aneasy answer. So let me say that first
and foremost, but I think it'sa little bit of what I call the both.
And. And so it's. It's helpingsomeone identify that, yes, you were
(23:44):
called this name multipletimes in your childhood, and so you
began to believe it was true.And you don't have to be that now.
Like, you can re. Identifyyourself or you can, you know, be.
I don't know what the rightword is, but you can be healed of
that or you can move forwardfrom that. You don't have to allow
(24:05):
that sticker to stick. Isometimes think of things as, like,
names or wounds that we'vebeen told as, like, Mr. Yuck stickers.
We. We have the ability totake those off. I think for a lot
of my years, I walked aroundwith, you know, covered in Mr. Yuck
stickers, and it took a longtime for someone to kind of break
through that and remind me,like, you don't have to keep wearing
(24:27):
those, which was one of thefirst steps of helping me just identify.
Oh, that doesn't have to haveall the power in my life. That doesn't
have to have the final say.But so what I'm trying to help identify
is, like, we have to name theharm that has been done from that
past experience and also claimvictory over it now.
(24:48):
The end.
Yeah. Two things can be trueat the same time, even though they
often seem incongruent. Sosomething can greatly hurt me, and
it cannot be true at the sametime. Like so.
But it's so helpful toidentify those two things. This hurt
me, but this isn't who I am.And being able to locate those exactly,
(25:09):
which is work that often doesneed to be done in a counseling office.
And I know I had to do a lotof that work in a counseling office,
but I also have to do it everyday. It's a battle battle me too.
A daily battle. I feel likeanother thing that I see women do
(25:32):
and I've done is we psychourselves out about doing amazing
things. So this entire courseis built on the foundation that God
can use our lives to doamazing Things, whatever that looks
like in each of our lives istotally different. But he can use
our lives to do amazingthings. But I think we psych ourselves
(25:52):
out and we sort of settle forwhat is thinking. We have to settle
for mediocre rather thanbelieving in what could be, what's
going on there that so oftenwe settle for what is rather than
believing what could be.
I think we put God into orhope or possibility into things that
(26:18):
we could achieve. So it's likewhat could God do if God were breathe.
That's just horrible to thinkabout. God would be very limited
is my point. And so I think, Ithink we have to. This is a kind
(26:42):
of a two part answer as well.But I think we have to first acknowledge
that the way it is right nowis the way it is and that's not the
way it has to be. And I thinkif we don't do the work of acknowledging
the doors of possibility orhope don't naturally open as easily.
(27:05):
So it's, I think it's thispiece of acknowledging that like
man, my life doesn't look likewhat I want it to naturally leads
us towards. And what can I doabout that? What are my options?
What do I have influence over?What does God calling me towards?
I wish I had a good word forit, but it just naturally moves us
(27:26):
in that direction. But I thinkoftentimes we want to, you know,
put God in a box like I wassaying. And well, God didn't answer
this prayer. And so thereforeit just means that this is how I
have to live. It's not doingthe work of acknowledging the fact
that God is still bigger thanmy perception or my capabilities.
(27:50):
And it's sort of that zoom in,zoom out thing, right? I get really
focused on this piece righthere and wanting to problem solve
this piece, but God just gotit all. And I think that matters.
And I think it matters to, topick our head up because it helps
us see that possibilities arearound us.
(28:13):
You and I have talked aboutthis before, many times actually.
The and I do this, that'sprobably why we talked about it.
But it's like I have beenhurt, I will be hurt, I have been
rejected, I will be rejected,I have failed. I'm gonna fail. That
kind of mindset that keeps usstuck, that we think that we will
(28:38):
get the same outcome that wegot before, what is that? Because
that holds women back fromtaking risks. It holds them back
from believing a bigger visionis possible for their life. It holds
them back from signing up forthe job promotion possibility I mean,
it holds them back fromstarting the nonprofit that God's
(28:59):
laid on their heart. What isthat thing where we're expecting
the same outcome as we'veexperienced in the past?
Well, I think our brains arewired to create memories that are
actually intended to protectus in the future. So our brain, like,
logs a situation that washurtful in a way of saying, hey,
(29:20):
breeze, this happened to you,so be prepared in a future setting
that this could happen again.And so I think that's just important
information to know. So, youknow, sort of psychoeducation just
to sort of name a dynamic, aname, a thing that we all, as humans
experience. But then I thinkwe can also get to a place where
(29:46):
we don't acknowledge, oh,brain, you're trying to protect me
from something, and I don'tneed your help right now. Thank you
for helping or trying to help.But we can get to a place where we
believe that is absolutelytrue. And I think that's just again,
going back to believing thoselies, believing that more than the
(30:07):
possibility of surprise. And Ithink, you know, I don't love surprises
myself. I mean, I find thoseterrifying. But. But I think to be
open to the possibility thatsomething good could happen takes
a lot of groundedness inmyself. It takes a lot of, you know,
(30:31):
reminding myself very activelyreminding that part of my brain that's
trying to prepare me forsomething that, hey, that may not
happen. So, yes, it did happenin the past, but it's not a guarantee
it will. So it takes a lot ofself awareness in the moment to practice
something different.
I feel psycho educated rightnow, actually. I mean, I have to
(30:54):
have these pep talks where I'mpreaching to myself like, I don't
know that I've said you'retrying to protect me. No, thank you.
I love that language. I'mgoing to start using that now. You'll
see me in my car at astoplight, and I'll be like, no,
thank you. There is somethingpowerful, though, that happens, and
(31:15):
it's necessary because we'veall been hurt. I mean, I feel a little
emotional saying this, but,like, I've experienced a lot of pain.
And so even, like at everystop along the way with the collide
story, I feel like I've had totrust God and not go into self protection
(31:39):
mode because I might get hurtor I might fail or I might be rejected
or people might think I suckor whatever. And we all have that,
those fears. And so whatyou're inviting us to do is to remind
ourselves that though that isyour past experience. It doesn't
have to be your futureexperience. And kind of almost self
(31:59):
soothe and calm ourselves. Ifwe're going to do big things, if
we're going to take risks, ifwe're going to live our one life
to make a difference, we'regoing to have to sometimes feel scared
or take big leaps of faith.And that's going to require maybe
being like, triggered becausewe've been hurt in the past and we're
(32:21):
afraid to get hurt in the future.
Right, right. But not givingthe lie the final say.
Right.
Being willing to say maybesomething else is possible, which
is a risk, it really is. Butwithout that leap of faith, as you're
saying, without that risk,what we end up doing is just reinforcing
(32:42):
the lie to actually be true.So it just reinforces that part of
our brain that is trying toprotect us with more power, more
evidence, more stories tojustify why we actually should be
afraid.
And the lies and the woundshold all the power in our lifestyle
back from making an impact. Right.
(33:03):
When you work with a woman and.
She recognizes that she'sholding herself back, what's your
best advice for her to pushpast that?
I think I asked two questionsand I'm going to be straight up honest.
I don't think they're anyone'sfavorite questions, but okay, I think,
I think, I think that'sbecause people know them to be powerful
(33:25):
and perspective shifting. Sothe first question I usually ask
is, how's that working foryou? How is, you know, acknowledging
that you've hit a roadblockfor whatever reason? Let me use an
example. In my own life, if Icome to awareness of, you know, shame,
(33:46):
having the final say in mylife, you know, my therapist has
had to ask me, like, how'sthat working for you? And really
what that does is it stops mein my tracks to go, oh, yeah, okay,
I am literally just, you know,serving up shame on a silver platter
in my, in all areas of mylife, like, here, be the king, be
the queen, have all the power.And it just gives me that perspective
(34:10):
of, oh yeah, okay. And ithelps me start to think about what
could I do about this. Sofirst question, how's that working
for us? Second question, Ithink I alluded to this earlier,
but what would you say tosomeone else in your exact circumstances?
I often have people imaginesomeone really close to them because
(34:31):
it's easier to imagine than acomplete stranger. And women quickly
have really kind, graciousthings to say. And so if I ask myself
to do that right now, like,breeze you. You did the best you
could. There's something in mybody that, like, I literally have
(34:52):
a physical sensation. There'ssomething that softens. And so then
I ask women to say that tosomeone else kind of imaginatively,
but then I ask them to repeatthat sentence to themselves and to
just begin rehearsing that.And so it's not vice advice per se,
(35:13):
it's more like an experiencethat I help them walk through, but
we revisit it over and overand over again. Number one, because
I found it to be superpowerful in my own life, but number
two, because I visibly observeit being powerful in women's lives.
And, I mean, it feels like themagic I've got. So I'm willing to
(35:38):
give my magic away because Idon't want people to. You know, it's
not about me holding themagic. I want people to have this
magic for themselves. So thosequestions can be asked anywhere within
ourselves. How is this workingfor me and what would I say to someone
else?
Those are powerful questions,for sure. When you look back over
(36:02):
the course of the last 20years and all the different roles
that you've had in life, doyou or are you able to locate unhealthy
mindsets that held you back inyour life as far as making an impact
post?
Oh, yeah. I mean, undoubtedly.I. I mean, I'm giggling because I'm
(36:26):
like, oh, yeah, I still do.Like, that's just true. I could.
Do you want me to name a bunch?
Yeah, actually, we have awhiteboard. We're going to roll it
out here.
If you can just write those,I'm glad. Start downloading. But
no, absolutely, yeah.
Do you see it as a lifelongbattle to battle unhealthy mindsets,
or do you feel like people getto a place where it's like, I'm in
(36:48):
a healthy state and they stay there?
I think I imagine it to be alittle bit of an ebb and flow. So
there's going to be seasonswhere it intensifies and there's
going to be season where it.It decreases and it wanes and it's
a lot quieter. That's. That'snot as present, but I don't know
that I foresee an end at anypoint in my life. But I can't say
(37:12):
that on behalf of the world.
When you think about momentswhere maybe your ebb and flow, like
your unhealthy mindset washigher than at another place, what
helped you to locate yourunhealth in those moments?
People. Safe people around me.
Yeah.
And I underlined safe. Ithink, you know, hopefully we all
(37:37):
have at least one or two safepeople in our life. And I think if
we don't, then that's reallyimportant to try to find. But it
doesn't have to be a ton ofpeople. It just really needs to be
one or two that we can bevulnerable with and we can share
with. And those people oftendirect back to us truths that we
(38:00):
need to hear. And they oftendo it really compassionately. Sometimes
there's, you know, some, youknow, straight up admonishment, but
I don't know, there's. There'ssomething about people being a safe
haven for, for us to continueto grow and accept ourselves, see
(38:23):
ourselves in that, you know,in that truthful mirror, that truthful
reflection.
Oftentimes when I see Jesuscolliding with people in the New
Testament, he collides withpeople who are unhealthy. They have
these unhealthy mindsets thatwe're talking about where they don't
believe relationship ispossible, they don't believe healing's
(38:44):
possible, they don't believeforgiveness is possible, or they
don't believe thatparticipating in the extraordinary
is possible. And yet hecollides with them and he changes
what they believe to bepossible. How do you, you see in
our healthy, unhealthymindsets, how do you see them keeping
us from experiencing the powerthat God can have in, into our lives?
(39:09):
I think it just again, keepsGod limited. It keeps God really
small. And it's like imaginingthat we are looking at something
small, like a puzzle piece andthinking that that's the whole puzzle.
Or another idea that comes tomind is like imagining that we are
zoomed into a petri dish. I'mnot a scientist by any means, but
(39:32):
like, you know, a microscopezooms in really intensely. But if
we, if we're zooming in on apetri dish and assuming that that's
the, the whole picture, that'sjust another distortion, right? And
so I think, I think we have toremember that God is bigger than
(39:56):
us and he sees things biggerthan us. And so therefore he also
has. He has more for us thanjust this little part that we can
see or that we feel stuck on.That's hard to remember. When I've
just lost my job or I'm reallyupset about a broken relationship.
It's hard to see that that issomehow in God's infinite plan. But
(40:22):
I think it's important totrust beyond my circumstances, trust
that I see the petri dish andGod sees the.
Whole Thing as a woman whoimpacts so many lives, which you
do breeze and I get front rowtickets to see it. What do you think
God has taught you most aboutmental health and its importance
(40:43):
to the degree of impact youcan have with your life?
I think mental health, I mean,I'm biased, it's my career choice,
but I think mental health is areally important component of how
we view ourselves because Ithink it naturally addresses some
(41:08):
of the lies that we havebelieved or starts to undo some of
the evidence we've collectedthat reinforce certain messages.
And you know, and there'sfaith based counselors and there's
not faith based counselors,but I think our work essentially
looks very, very similar. Andso I think, I think I, I personally
(41:34):
value mental health, but Ithink also I just see that it is
a way in to very specificallyaddressing very concrete lies that
maybe it's easier to not everaddress with anyone in my personal
life. You know, that might notbe the things I'm calling to say,
hey, can I talk about a liethat I've been believing for 30 years
(41:55):
with you? That's probably notthe conversation I want to have,
but maybe need to, but maybe acounselor helps ease that. So I think
it's. The other piece to thatquestion I think is that I view the
impact we have as being indirect proportion to our own health
(42:18):
and well being. So if I have adistorted image of who I am and I'm,
you know, actively living inthat, like actively reinforcing lies
about myself, then I, I'm notas able to have impact on anyone
because I, I can't see thingsclearly. That's just the easiest
(42:40):
way to say that. And so Ithink our impact is connected in
direct proportion to our ownhealth and well being.
Brice, thank you for enteringinto our own health and inviting
us into health. Thank you forimpacting our lives.
Thanks for inviting me to be here.
(43:02):
It's always fun to talk toyou. You guys, I hope that you got
so much out of this and thatthis really inspired you to want
to say yes to more and morehealing in your unhealthy spaces
that you can locate and beaware of trusting that with God there
is so much more possible foryou. As we continue to say yes to
(43:25):
health, our impact will growand grow and grow.
If you enjoyed that episode,friend, it was taken from our incredible
course, the Women of Impactcourse. And if you're interested
in grabbing hold of that foryourself today, we want to give you
a half off code so that youcan get it for just $49.99. There's
(43:50):
like 70 some classes withinthat course taught by women who are
actually making an impact inthe world. So head to our website
or click the link in the shownotes to grab the course today. Friend,
I just hope that you know.
As you continue to collidethat God.
Wants to use use you in thisworld to do amazing things that impact
(44:13):
other people. So be encouraged.
Hey, friends.
So glad you hopped on theCollide podcast today. I hope that
you are having a great day. Ihave an amazing interview for you.
We're in the middle of ourWomen of Impact series. And we're
doing this series because weknow that women want to contribute,
(00:35):
we want to be used to doamazing things, we want to impact
the world. We want to make adifference. And so we have known
this for years at Collidebecause we spend so much time with
women and yet so often there'sthese obstacles that get in the way
of us truly making an impact.And so we created a course that has,
(00:58):
I don't know, 70 some classesin it, and you can learn from these
women, but we thought, why nothave some of these women pop on the
podcast so you could learnfrom them. So today you get to hear
from a woman of impact, and Iknow it will impact you.
So check it out. I'm so gladthat you are in the Health for a
(01:22):
Purpose section of thiscourse. What an important area that
we need to cover so that wecan all be healthy women of impact.
And so in this session, we getto sit with Breeze Potts(LMHC), who
is a mental health therapistand someone that I've been friends
with for over 20 years. Andyou are going to be blessed by all
(01:43):
of the wisdom and counsel thatshe shares. So Breeze, thank you
for letting me sucker you intohanging out with me.
Thanks for asking.
We've been friends for over 20years, which is really weird to say
out loud because it makes mefeel old, but we became friends way
back in the day and we werekind of two women who wanted to make
(02:04):
an impact in young college agestudents lives. And we were on staff
at a college ministry. Andover the years you went from being
an intern to being a staffperson, to being assistant director
of that ministry, to leavingthat ministry, going back to school,
getting your master's degreeto become a counselor, becoming a
mom. And now you have your ownpractice helping people and you're
(02:29):
a professional mental healththerapist. So as you look back over
the 20 years, of all thedifferent ways that God has used
you to become a woman ofimpact, what strikes you about kind
of looking back over thatjourney of all the different changes?
I mean, truthfully, I had nobusiness doing some of the things
(02:52):
I was put in positions for,but I also think that's just how
God led me in relationshiptowards him. And so I think some
of the roles that you, youknow, specifically assistant director,
it's like, oh my gosh, Ididn't have a Clue what I was doing.
(03:14):
It doesn't feel like thatlooking back, it doesn't feel like
that was the right role forme. But for whatever reason, that's
a part of the puzzle. That's apart of the story, and I can't tell
you why.
It's kind of funny that yousay you had no business doing that.
And I think what you might bespeaking to is just feelings of inadequacy
(03:34):
or feelings that almost thatthe Lord pulls our life into places
and into opportunities andresponsibilities that we might not
feel ready for or capable ofor don't feel like we have, you know,
the whole handbook on how tonail this and more equipped for.
Yeah, absolutely. And yet thatis so much like you said, the way
(03:57):
that the Lord kind of grows usand shapes us and refines us is a
little bit by this constantchallenge. And that is the space
where we make an impact. If weavoid that challenge and avoid that
discomfort, we don't tend tomake as big of an impact.
Right.
Breeze, I can look back andsee over the years how you've impacted
(04:20):
lives in all of thesedifferent roles, whether you felt
ready for those roles or not.I saw you impacting people, but I'm
kind of wondering, did youfeel while you were living out those
roles or carrying out thoseresponsibilities or had those specific
jobs, did you feel like youwere making an impact?
I think the answer is no. ButI think that it's partly because
(04:43):
of that. That wasn'tnecessarily what I was looking for.
I think my focus was just todo the thing in front of me. But
I think, I think impact in mymind has always been a little bit
of an overwhelming term. It'slike it makes me zoom out really
big. I almost imagine being inthe universe and picturing earth
(05:06):
down here. And so a metaphorthat I use often in my life and in
my practice with other womenis the idea of a puzzle. And you
know, one role in my life isone tiny puzzle piece of, you know,
a really large thousand piecepuzzle or something. And it's kind
(05:27):
of a crapshoot to figure outhow that fits initially. But as other
pieces are laid down, itstarts to make sense. But that takes
time and sometimes that takestime and distance to gain the objectivity
to see it put together alittle bit differently.
Yeah, I think you're speakingto something that feels universal
to a lot of women, at leastthat I work with. And you have women
(05:49):
that come into your office forcounsel all the time. I feel like
so many women desire to makean impact to make a difference, to
live a meaningful life. Butthey feel overwhelmed by the big
picture idea of what. Whatdoes that look like? And they go
big first instead of small.And being faithful to the thing that
God has put in front of themright now, which. I love that you're
(06:12):
bringing that up. What are youseeing as far as women feeling almost
like they're not enough, kindof plagued by this not enough feeling?
The women that come in seeking help.
And counseling, I mean, thefirst thing that comes to mind that
I think is rampant in ourculture is just this pattern of comparing
(06:32):
ourselves to our neighbors, toour friends, to our family members,
to people that we don't knowon social media, to characters in
books. I mean, it'severywhere. And it's not overtly
negative to be comparative,but it leads towards unhealthy ways
of perceiving ourselves.That's the most common thing I hear.
(06:58):
And I think it would be honestto tell you, I also may see that,
because that's something Iparticularly have struggled with
throughout my life, is how doI fit according to what other people
are or are not doing or are orare not saying? How do I fit in here?
(07:18):
How do I make sense of myself?
Yeah, well, it's amazing tome, too, how much our effort to compare
doesn't actually help ourimpact. It actually gets in the way.
But we're doing it constantly.Like, if I could be like her, and
I could be like her, and if Iwas like her, but that actually just
holds us back from. Frommeaningful work and life. Right?
(07:40):
Because also, I think you'reright. I think it. We naturally idealize
the other. And so if I'mcomparing myself to you, I kind of
put you on this pedestal thatmakes you able to do no wrong and,
you know, have no struggle.But all I can see for myself is struggle.
And so just immediately we'reincongruent. I can never win in that
(08:04):
scenario. And so you're right.It really is a way that we hold ourselves
back and it really gets in theway of, first of all, how we view
ourselves, but then the impactwe can have, because all we can,
really, what's magnified is,are the ways in which we're different
(08:25):
than everyone else or we feelas though we're different than everyone
else.
What do you think helps womenget unstuck from that comparison
game?
Something I use all the timein my practice. Sounds a little silly,
but I have people imaginegoing to your local carnival or your
(08:45):
local county fair orsomething, and going into the house
of Mayors, you know what I'mtalking about.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, and so, you know, the first.
Go for the skinny ones, the first.
One you see is a. Is a more anaccurate representation of you. But
as you move through the houseof mirrors, the rest of them are
(09:06):
very distorted images. And sohow I. How I use this metaphor in
my practice with people is tohelp remind them to come back to
the true mirror and, you know,spend time there, spend time figuring
out who they are and betterunderstanding themselves. But if
(09:26):
we're only looking indistorted mirrors, we can't actually
see or access truth becausethe image is just distorted. And
so it's meant to continue todistort everything else accordingly.
And so I think the first orderof business is to even back up a
step to recognize that we'renot looking in a truthful mirror
(09:47):
and then to help women try tolook in mirrors that portray an accurate
reflection. And I'm meaning,you know, both literal mirrors, but
I'm also meaning inrelationships with people, safe people
in their lives who cancommunicate back to us, who are you?
And, you know, who do Iexperience you to be? And that might
(10:08):
be different than what youimagine that I experience of you.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that's. That's aninteresting way to put it. And also
hard work, like to invitepeople in to reflect back what they
see in you and to actuallyreceive it.
Right.
But so. So important.
Absolutely. But I. But I thinkthe idea of impact is. Is. I mean,
(10:34):
it's. I think of concentriccircles, like, you know, we start
here and we go outward. And soas we know who we are, we can also
expand outward and blessothers. And they bless others. And
on and on it goes.
One of the main purposes ofhaving this conversation with you
is I really wanted to talk toyou about healthy mindsets, unhealthy
(10:56):
mindsets, as far as making animpact. And one of the things that
I see a lot, and even goingback to a question I asked you earlier,
which was, could you see thatyou were enough in the moment to
make an impact, or can youonly look back and go, you know what
I did? I did a great job. Iwas faithful. I served people, because
(11:21):
I can see that in you. Butsometimes we have a hard time seeing
it in ourselves because wedon't feel enough. What is that about
not being able to havecontentment in the now, but more
disappointment in ourselves?We tend to live in kind of like,
I'm not enough. I'mdisappointed now, but then later
we can look back and Feellike, no, I did my best. Right.
(11:44):
I think it has, going back tothe puzzle metaphor, I think it's
this idea of time and distanceoffers us the bigger picture, and
I think that's helpful. Sonaturally, because we can see a bigger
picture, things are moresettled, they're more in place, and
we understand more when wehave one puzzle piece. And, you know,
(12:07):
it's very abstract, it'confusing, it's very. It's hard to
understand, it's hard to makesense of. But I think I talk a lot
in my practice about, like,this idea of zooming in and zooming
out. It has to be both. Like,we have to. We have to look down
(12:27):
at what's in front of us. Wehave to be faithful to those things.
But we also have to pick ourhead up and look around us and get
our bearings and, you know, beoriented in the world around us.
But then we have to keeplooking back down. It's the both
and it's. We can't. We can'tjust have one direction. And I think
sometimes this disappointmentthat you describe is because we're
(12:48):
fixated on one or the other.We might be too fixated on the really
small puzzle piece and wecan't make sense of it, or we might
be too fixated on the bigpicture and we can't make sense of
what that means for me rightnow. And, you know, I think there's
different ways of looking atit. I think there are visionaries
in this world that are reallygood at seeing the big picture that
might struggle with, like,what's my next action step? And there
(13:11):
are other people. I think I'mmore in this camp. Like, I see really
well what's in front of me,but I don't, I can't always make
sense and have foresight aboutwhat that means 20 steps down the
road.
That's so true. I mean, I'mself evaluating right now. Like,
which one am I, like, pronetowards? That's why I need people
who do the opposite. Like, Itend to zoom out. Right. And I need
(13:34):
people who zoom in.
Right.
But I haven't thought aboutzoom in, zoom out. That's so good.
You do so much work with womenin your counseling office, and I'm
sure there's women who come inthere who really want to be women
of impact. What do you see?We've talked about comparison. We've
talked about the zoom and zoomout thing. What are some other things
that get in the way of womenmaking an impact with their lives?
(13:59):
I think women get in their ownway, when they have really high expectations
for themselves that they alsowouldn't have for anyone else. And
so, you know, I would neversay to you the horribly cruel things
I can say to myself at thedrop of a hat. Even sitting here.
(14:23):
I'm aware of a couple thingsthat I won't say out loud but that
aren't kind to myself that Iwould never say to you. Um, and I
think that's one of ourbiggest roadblocks or one of the
biggest ways that we get inour own get in our own way is because
we have this incongruence ofvery high unobtainable expectations
(14:48):
for ourselves and then tons ofgrace and compassion for the people
around us. Even people that wemight not deem like close relationships.
We can access compassionpretty easily for people, but not
always for ourselves.
How do we let go of some ofthose unrealistic expectations of
(15:08):
self and instead begin to showgrace to ourselves?
Well, I think it's hard work,but I think we first have to just
have someone help us see thatwe have those unrealistic expectations.
And then we have to start todo the softening process of literally
(15:31):
asking ourselves, what would Isay to someone else? And start to
entertain those same ideas forourselves. I mean, that's sort of
an overview. But that helpingwomen start to befriend themselves
in such a way that they canfind compassion for themselves is
(15:57):
a really important process andone that I have been through myself
and continue to go through.But I think it naturally catches
women by surprise when I askthem, what would you say to someone
sitting on the other end ofthis couch in your very circumstances?
(16:21):
They're very caught bysurprise at the very kind things
they would say to someone. Andthen when I ask them to say, well,
what are you saying toyourself? The incongruence there
is. I mean, it's so stark. Andso I think just noticing, first of
all, just being aware thatthat's a thing and that that's happening
in our lives is the first stepto change.
(16:45):
Well, I love that you're evenhaving this conversation with me
while you're being self awareabout some of the expectations you're
putting on yourself, even inthis moment, and you're modeling
it by being authentic aboutit. I love that so much. I think
that shows like a great selfawareness. I mean, I'm not a counselor.
(17:05):
You're a counselor, but I'mjust going to call it.
I'm just a fellow junior.
So let's talk aboutinsecurities because I See this all
the time where women, theywant to be a part of making the world
a better place and impactinglives and whatever sector God's called
them into. But so often theirown insecurities get in the way of
(17:28):
them doing the things theyfeel called to do. How do you see
insecurity showing up in youroffice in women's lives?
I mean, probably in every waypossible. Probably in the same ways
that you're hearing about it.But you know, it kind of goes back
to that comparative pattern Iwas talking about earlier. I mean,
(17:49):
I think we are insecure aboutthings that we are measuring ourselves
according to other people by.So like, how fit am I? How do I decorate
my house, you know, comparedto how Willow decorates her house
or how do I dress? But I thinkto. So I mean, I think we could,
(18:12):
I could go on and on and onwith all the examples. But I think
something that feels importantto say is that I think all of that
can get boiled down to beingthis idea that we are putting our
power of who we are in someoneelse's hands. It's. It kind of all
boils down to how we'reperceived by someone else. And so
(18:32):
they hold the measuring rod towho we are. And that will always
leave us empty handed. Thatwill always leave us feeling less
than. Because no one else isgoing to evaluate for us. Well, because
they're too concerned abouthow they're doing. Right. So it's,
it's just, it's a faultysystem. I think what I want to say
(18:53):
is that women who areconstantly putting themselves at
the mercy or at the risk ofbeing judged or measured by someone
else or according to someoneelse's measuring rod will often end
up feeling less than. Butthat's because we have to determine
(19:13):
what is our measuring rod,what are the standards for me, what
are the things that God hascalled me to, what are the things
that I value in my life? Andwe have to start valuing or measuring
those things in our life bythose standards. If I value my life
by your, the standards youhave for your life, I'm already failing
(19:34):
because I'm not, I'm not aleader of an organization. I'm way
better one on one. And so. Butif that's the setup for me to use
your measuring rod and thethings that are going on in your
life to determine my selfworth, I mean, do you see how that
leads me to a dead end? Right.
(19:55):
Well, you're not freed up tobe who you are.
Exactly.
Constantly feeling like youhave to be someone else.
Exactly.
Just a trap you cancontinually be stuck in.
Exactly. So, I mean, I thinkit goes back to some of the comparative
patterns, but then also someof the expectations that we've already
talked about. Also.
(20:17):
Are you feeling overwhelmedand pulled in a hundred different
directions? Do you strugglewith comparison, perfectionism and
managing the constant hustle?Do you feel like you're failing to
hold everything together?Maybe it's time to take a step back
and focus on what's trulyimportant. We have gathered wisdom
(20:37):
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(21:01):
when he said she has chosenwhat is best. Don't wait any longer
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of our all the Best devotional today.
I see women often believinglies about themselves. And I know
(21:27):
you do this work in reallydeep ways and I hear about the impact
you're making in women's livesin your office. But so often we struggle
to believe things that aren'ttrue about ourselves because we had
an experience where someonesaid those words or called us that
name, or we, you know,experience rejection over and over
(21:50):
again. So we started tobelieve that we deserve to be alone,
Whatever. Whatever the lie is.And I'm curious, you know, a lot
of women might be able toidentify the lies they believe about
themselves. They might not bewhat's your best advice for not only
identifying the lies but butditching them and then replacing
them with truths.
(22:12):
I think that goes back to thecarnival mirror metaphor that I used
earlier. I think the firstthing I would want to encourage someone
to do is to get in front of anaccurate reflection. So that might
be scripture, that might be asafe person, that might be some sort
(22:32):
of Bible study or small groupor support group or something that
allows you to be fullyyourself and receives you for being
fully yourself, because that'sthe making of being able to. That's
the foundation for being ableto take in feedback from other people.
(22:52):
But if we don't, I mean, if wedon't start with the first step of
just putting ourselves in thatplace, we can't expect to get to
truth because we're stilllooking in a distorted mirror. And
so I think the first step isjust to get in to the light of truth,
get into the, The. The. Theposture of truth. And then what was
(23:18):
the second part of your question?
How do we not only recognizeit, but ditch it and then replace
lies with truth?
Right. I think that's a littlebit of a. That's a little bit more
complex, and there's not aneasy answer. So let me say that first
and foremost, but I think it'sa little bit of what I call the both.
And. And so it's. It's helpingsomeone identify that, yes, you were
(23:44):
called this name multipletimes in your childhood, and so you
began to believe it was true.And you don't have to be that now.
Like, you can re. Identifyyourself or you can, you know, be.
I don't know what the rightword is, but you can be healed of
that or you can move forwardfrom that. You don't have to allow
(24:05):
that sticker to stick. Isometimes think of things as, like,
names or wounds that we'vebeen told as, like, Mr. Yuck stickers.
We. We have the ability totake those off. I think for a lot
of my years, I walked aroundwith, you know, covered in Mr. Yuck
stickers, and it took a longtime for someone to kind of break
through that and remind me,like, you don't have to keep wearing
(24:27):
those, which was one of thefirst steps of helping me just identify.
Oh, that doesn't have to haveall the power in my life. That doesn't
have to have the final say.But so what I'm trying to help identify
is, like, we have to name theharm that has been done from that
past experience and also claimvictory over it now.
(24:48):
The end.
Yeah. Two things can be trueat the same time, even though they
often seem incongruent. Sosomething can greatly hurt me, and
it cannot be true at the sametime. Like so.
But it's so helpful toidentify those two things. This hurt
me, but this isn't who I am.And being able to locate those exactly,
(25:09):
which is work that often doesneed to be done in a counseling office.
And I know I had to do a lotof that work in a counseling office,
but I also have to do it everyday. It's a battle battle me too.
A daily battle. I feel likeanother thing that I see women do
(25:32):
and I've done is we psychourselves out about doing amazing
things. So this entire courseis built on the foundation that God
can use our lives to doamazing Things, whatever that looks
like in each of our lives istotally different. But he can use
our lives to do amazingthings. But I think we psych ourselves
(25:52):
out and we sort of settle forwhat is thinking. We have to settle
for mediocre rather thanbelieving in what could be, what's
going on there that so oftenwe settle for what is rather than
believing what could be.
I think we put God into orhope or possibility into things that
(26:18):
we could achieve. So it's likewhat could God do if God were breathe.
That's just horrible to thinkabout. God would be very limited
is my point. And so I think, Ithink we have to. This is a kind
(26:42):
of a two part answer as well.But I think we have to first acknowledge
that the way it is right nowis the way it is and that's not the
way it has to be. And I thinkif we don't do the work of acknowledging
the doors of possibility orhope don't naturally open as easily.
(27:05):
So it's, I think it's thispiece of acknowledging that like
man, my life doesn't look likewhat I want it to naturally leads
us towards. And what can I doabout that? What are my options?
What do I have influence over?What does God calling me towards?
I wish I had a good word forit, but it just naturally moves us
(27:26):
in that direction. But I thinkoftentimes we want to, you know,
put God in a box like I wassaying. And well, God didn't answer
this prayer. And so thereforeit just means that this is how I
have to live. It's not doingthe work of acknowledging the fact
that God is still bigger thanmy perception or my capabilities.
(27:50):
And it's sort of that zoom in,zoom out thing, right? I get really
focused on this piece righthere and wanting to problem solve
this piece, but God just gotit all. And I think that matters.
And I think it matters to, topick our head up because it helps
us see that possibilities arearound us.
(28:13):
You and I have talked aboutthis before, many times actually.
The and I do this, that'sprobably why we talked about it.
But it's like I have beenhurt, I will be hurt, I have been
rejected, I will be rejected,I have failed. I'm gonna fail. That
kind of mindset that keeps usstuck, that we think that we will
(28:38):
get the same outcome that wegot before, what is that? Because
that holds women back fromtaking risks. It holds them back
from believing a bigger visionis possible for their life. It holds
them back from signing up forthe job promotion possibility I mean,
it holds them back fromstarting the nonprofit that God's
(28:59):
laid on their heart. What isthat thing where we're expecting
the same outcome as we'veexperienced in the past?
Well, I think our brains arewired to create memories that are
actually intended to protectus in the future. So our brain, like,
logs a situation that washurtful in a way of saying, hey,
(29:20):
breeze, this happened to you,so be prepared in a future setting
that this could happen again.And so I think that's just important
information to know. So, youknow, sort of psychoeducation just
to sort of name a dynamic, aname, a thing that we all, as humans
experience. But then I thinkwe can also get to a place where
(29:46):
we don't acknowledge, oh,brain, you're trying to protect me
from something, and I don'tneed your help right now. Thank you
for helping or trying to help.But we can get to a place where we
believe that is absolutelytrue. And I think that's just again,
going back to believing thoselies, believing that more than the
(30:07):
possibility of surprise. And Ithink, you know, I don't love surprises
myself. I mean, I find thoseterrifying. But. But I think to be
open to the possibility thatsomething good could happen takes
a lot of groundedness inmyself. It takes a lot of, you know,
(30:31):
reminding myself very activelyreminding that part of my brain that's
trying to prepare me forsomething that, hey, that may not
happen. So, yes, it did happenin the past, but it's not a guarantee
it will. So it takes a lot ofself awareness in the moment to practice
something different.
I feel psycho educated rightnow, actually. I mean, I have to
(30:54):
have these pep talks where I'mpreaching to myself like, I don't
know that I've said you'retrying to protect me. No, thank you.
I love that language. I'mgoing to start using that now. You'll
see me in my car at astoplight, and I'll be like, no,
thank you. There is somethingpowerful, though, that happens, and
(31:15):
it's necessary because we'veall been hurt. I mean, I feel a little
emotional saying this, but,like, I've experienced a lot of pain.
And so even, like at everystop along the way with the collide
story, I feel like I've had totrust God and not go into self protection
(31:39):
mode because I might get hurtor I might fail or I might be rejected
or people might think I suckor whatever. And we all have that,
those fears. And so whatyou're inviting us to do is to remind
ourselves that though that isyour past experience. It doesn't
have to be your futureexperience. And kind of almost self
(31:59):
soothe and calm ourselves. Ifwe're going to do big things, if
we're going to take risks, ifwe're going to live our one life
to make a difference, we'regoing to have to sometimes feel scared
or take big leaps of faith.And that's going to require maybe
being like, triggered becausewe've been hurt in the past and we're
(32:21):
afraid to get hurt in the future.
Right, right. But not givingthe lie the final say.
Right.
Being willing to say maybesomething else is possible, which
is a risk, it really is. Butwithout that leap of faith, as you're
saying, without that risk,what we end up doing is just reinforcing
(32:42):
the lie to actually be true.So it just reinforces that part of
our brain that is trying toprotect us with more power, more
evidence, more stories tojustify why we actually should be
afraid.
And the lies and the woundshold all the power in our lifestyle
back from making an impact. Right.
(33:03):
When you work with a woman and.
She recognizes that she'sholding herself back, what's your
best advice for her to pushpast that?
I think I asked two questionsand I'm going to be straight up honest.
I don't think they're anyone'sfavorite questions, but okay, I think,
I think, I think that'sbecause people know them to be powerful
(33:25):
and perspective shifting. Sothe first question I usually ask
is, how's that working foryou? How is, you know, acknowledging
that you've hit a roadblockfor whatever reason? Let me use an
example. In my own life, if Icome to awareness of, you know, shame,
(33:46):
having the final say in mylife, you know, my therapist has
had to ask me, like, how'sthat working for you? And really
what that does is it stops mein my tracks to go, oh, yeah, okay,
I am literally just, you know,serving up shame on a silver platter
in my, in all areas of mylife, like, here, be the king, be
the queen, have all the power.And it just gives me that perspective
(34:10):
of, oh yeah, okay. And ithelps me start to think about what
could I do about this. Sofirst question, how's that working
for us? Second question, Ithink I alluded to this earlier,
but what would you say tosomeone else in your exact circumstances?
I often have people imaginesomeone really close to them because
(34:31):
it's easier to imagine than acomplete stranger. And women quickly
have really kind, graciousthings to say. And so if I ask myself
to do that right now, like,breeze you. You did the best you
could. There's something in mybody that, like, I literally have
(34:52):
a physical sensation. There'ssomething that softens. And so then
I ask women to say that tosomeone else kind of imaginatively,
but then I ask them to repeatthat sentence to themselves and to
just begin rehearsing that.And so it's not vice advice per se,
(35:13):
it's more like an experiencethat I help them walk through, but
we revisit it over and overand over again. Number one, because
I found it to be superpowerful in my own life, but number
two, because I visibly observeit being powerful in women's lives.
And, I mean, it feels like themagic I've got. So I'm willing to
(35:38):
give my magic away because Idon't want people to. You know, it's
not about me holding themagic. I want people to have this
magic for themselves. So thosequestions can be asked anywhere within
ourselves. How is this workingfor me and what would I say to someone
else?
Those are powerful questions,for sure. When you look back over
(36:02):
the course of the last 20years and all the different roles
that you've had in life, doyou or are you able to locate unhealthy
mindsets that held you back inyour life as far as making an impact
post?
Oh, yeah. I mean, undoubtedly.I. I mean, I'm giggling because I'm
(36:26):
like, oh, yeah, I still do.Like, that's just true. I could.
Do you want me to name a bunch?
Yeah, actually, we have awhiteboard. We're going to roll it
out here.
If you can just write those,I'm glad. Start downloading. But
no, absolutely, yeah.
Do you see it as a lifelongbattle to battle unhealthy mindsets,
or do you feel like people getto a place where it's like, I'm in
(36:48):
a healthy state and they stay there?
I think I imagine it to be alittle bit of an ebb and flow. So
there's going to be seasonswhere it intensifies and there's
going to be season where it.It decreases and it wanes and it's
a lot quieter. That's. That'snot as present, but I don't know
that I foresee an end at anypoint in my life. But I can't say
(37:12):
that on behalf of the world.
When you think about momentswhere maybe your ebb and flow, like
your unhealthy mindset washigher than at another place, what
helped you to locate yourunhealth in those moments?
People. Safe people around me.
Yeah.
And I underlined safe. Ithink, you know, hopefully we all
(37:37):
have at least one or two safepeople in our life. And I think if
we don't, then that's reallyimportant to try to find. But it
doesn't have to be a ton ofpeople. It just really needs to be
one or two that we can bevulnerable with and we can share
with. And those people oftendirect back to us truths that we
(38:00):
need to hear. And they oftendo it really compassionately. Sometimes
there's, you know, some, youknow, straight up admonishment, but
I don't know, there's. There'ssomething about people being a safe
haven for, for us to continueto grow and accept ourselves, see
(38:23):
ourselves in that, you know,in that truthful mirror, that truthful
reflection.
Oftentimes when I see Jesuscolliding with people in the New
Testament, he collides withpeople who are unhealthy. They have
these unhealthy mindsets thatwe're talking about where they don't
believe relationship ispossible, they don't believe healing's
(38:44):
possible, they don't believeforgiveness is possible, or they
don't believe thatparticipating in the extraordinary
is possible. And yet hecollides with them and he changes
what they believe to bepossible. How do you, you see in
our healthy, unhealthymindsets, how do you see them keeping
us from experiencing the powerthat God can have in, into our lives?
(39:09):
I think it just again, keepsGod limited. It keeps God really
small. And it's like imaginingthat we are looking at something
small, like a puzzle piece andthinking that that's the whole puzzle.
Or another idea that comes tomind is like imagining that we are
zoomed into a petri dish. I'mnot a scientist by any means, but
(39:32):
like, you know, a microscopezooms in really intensely. But if
we, if we're zooming in on apetri dish and assuming that that's
the, the whole picture, that'sjust another distortion, right? And
so I think, I think we have toremember that God is bigger than
(39:56):
us and he sees things biggerthan us. And so therefore he also
has. He has more for us thanjust this little part that we can
see or that we feel stuck on.That's hard to remember. When I've
just lost my job or I'm reallyupset about a broken relationship.
It's hard to see that that issomehow in God's infinite plan. But
(40:22):
I think it's important totrust beyond my circumstances, trust
that I see the petri dish andGod sees the.
Whole Thing as a woman whoimpacts so many lives, which you
do breeze and I get front rowtickets to see it. What do you think
God has taught you most aboutmental health and its importance
(40:43):
to the degree of impact youcan have with your life?
I think mental health, I mean,I'm biased, it's my career choice,
but I think mental health is areally important component of how
we view ourselves because Ithink it naturally addresses some
(41:08):
of the lies that we havebelieved or starts to undo some of
the evidence we've collectedthat reinforce certain messages.
And you know, and there'sfaith based counselors and there's
not faith based counselors,but I think our work essentially
looks very, very similar. Andso I think, I think I, I personally
(41:34):
value mental health, but Ithink also I just see that it is
a way in to very specificallyaddressing very concrete lies that
maybe it's easier to not everaddress with anyone in my personal
life. You know, that might notbe the things I'm calling to say,
hey, can I talk about a liethat I've been believing for 30 years
(41:55):
with you? That's probably notthe conversation I want to have,
but maybe need to, but maybe acounselor helps ease that. So I think
it's. The other piece to thatquestion I think is that I view the
impact we have as being indirect proportion to our own health
(42:18):
and well being. So if I have adistorted image of who I am and I'm,
you know, actively living inthat, like actively reinforcing lies
about myself, then I, I'm notas able to have impact on anyone
because I, I can't see thingsclearly. That's just the easiest
(42:40):
way to say that. And so Ithink our impact is connected in
direct proportion to our ownhealth and well being.
Brice, thank you for enteringinto our own health and inviting
us into health. Thank you forimpacting our lives.
Thanks for inviting me to be here.
(43:02):
It's always fun to talk toyou. You guys, I hope that you got
so much out of this and thatthis really inspired you to want
to say yes to more and morehealing in your unhealthy spaces
that you can locate and beaware of trusting that with God there
is so much more possible foryou. As we continue to say yes to
(43:25):
health, our impact will growand grow and grow.
If you enjoyed that episode,friend, it was taken from our incredible
course, the Women of Impactcourse. And if you're interested
in grabbing hold of that foryourself today, we want to give you
a half off code so that youcan get it for just $49.99. There's
(43:50):
like 70 some classes withinthat course taught by women who are
actually making an impact inthe world. So head to our website
or click the link in the shownotes to grab the course today. Friend,
I just hope that you know.
As you continue to collidethat God.
Wants to use use you in thisworld to do amazing things that impact
(44:13):
other people. So be encouraged.
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