April 24, 2025 • 40 mins
In this episode we sit down with Jess Connolly—author, speaker, and founder of Go + Tell Gals—to talk about the wake-up call that changed her life and how we can all learn to live more fully awake.
Jess shares the story behind her personal “wake-up” moment and what it taught her about the patterns, pressures, and mindsets that were keeping her stuck. Together, we unpack how easy it is to sleepwalk through life—numbing out, saying yes when we mean no, and living disconnected from what we actually want or need.
We talk about:
- The life-changing wake-up moment that shifted everything for Jess
- Key indicators you might be “sleeping through life”
- What it really looks like to fight for the life you want
- Why so many of us are tired of being tired—and how to start living fully awake
This episode is for anyone who’s longing to feel alive again, to stop coasting, and to step into the full, vibrant life God has for them. Jess brings her signature mix of grace and grit and invites us all to stop hitting snooze on our own stories.
Join us at an upcoming Collide Conference—a powerful gathering for women to grow, heal, and connect. Check out upcoming events and grab your tickets at wecollide.net/conferences.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Willow Weston
Hey, friend. I am so glad youhopped on today. I, of course, get
to interview people every weekon this podcast, and I just love
(00:23):
the interview I get to handyou. It's with Jess Connolly. She's
a speaker at our springconference in May, and we are so
excited to have her. Buttoday's conversation made me all
the more excited. This is awoman who has written 13 books on
a variety of different topics,from Breaking Free from Body Shame
(00:46):
to books on feelings ofinadequacy, and insecurity that are
holding us back. And herlatest book is called Tired of Being
Tired. And I don't know, thisconversation probably just came to
me in a time when I needed itmost, but I have been in this season
of grief and book deadlinesand launching Clyde in other cities
(01:10):
and all of these things, andsome of them are really hard and
some of them are really great,but I am tired. And it was so awesome
to sit down with Jess, who'sdone a ton of research, a ton of
work, but she approaches itall from such a real, authentic place
in her own life of reallyhaving these wake up moments in her
(01:33):
life that sort of altered andchanged her trajectory and her mindset
and the lies she was believingand the way she wasn't fighting for
the life that she desired. SoI don't know where you're at today,
friend, but if you're anywherelike where I'm at, I promise this
conversation will bless you.So check it out. Jess, it's so good
(02:00):
to be with you today. You, I'massuming, are popping in from South
Carolina, or is that whereyou're at today?
I am, yes. It's so good to bewith you as well.
Oh, I love it. Well, we'resuper excited. As I just told you
off air, we're really excitedto have you out to a Collide conference
and to come and preach thegospel and spend time with women
(02:23):
and just can't wait to be withyou in person. But today is fun,
too.
Same. I can't wait to be withyou guys. I love the Pacific Northwest,
love the women out there. I'mso excited to join y'all.
Awesome. Well, you, you know,it's easy to look at your life, stalk
you online, see the, you know,jillions of books you've read and
(02:45):
the ministry you're doing andpreaching and leadership and ministering
to other women who want to beused by God and kind of just assume
like you've just always beenin this place and. And you've always
just Been killing it forJesus. And you talk about this sort
of wake up moment that you hadyears ago, and I'm wondering if we
(03:08):
can just start there because Ithink a lot of times women look at
other women where they're atrather than where they were and what
God did in their lives. So I'dlove to just go back to Jess's wake
up moment, man.
Well, first of all, I'll justtell you this. I'm not, I'm not totally
sure I'm killing it for Jesusright now.
(03:28):
So.
So that just helps anybodytake a deep breath. You know, most
of the days I feel like lifeis, is kind of, it's kind of dragging
me, but Jesus is there and soI'm really grateful for his faithfulness
and his steadfastness. And Iwould say I've had, I've had really
a series of wake up momentsfor me in my life. And, and I was
(03:52):
just sharing with you that Iused to live in the Pacific Northwest.
And for me in that season,that was actually probably my most
asleep, my most defeated andheavy season of my life. My early,
early to mid-20s. And I hadmet Jesus when I was 15. And the
day after I got saved, Ithought, you know, I want to, I want
(04:14):
to live for God. I, I remembersitting on my bed and reading my
Bible as a 15 year old andthinking, I want to be, I want to
be doing this. I want to bestudying this Bible and I want to
be teaching this Bible, youknow, for the rest of my life. I
can't believe this has alwaysjust been here. I want to, I want
to help other people knowabout this. And I had in my late
(04:35):
teens, just really aninteresting opportunity to go ahead
and jump into ministry. I wason staff at my first church when
I was 18 and found myself in alot of church ministry. And then
my early 20s to late 20s feltkind of more like a heavy, defeated,
broken season. And I was, wewere living in the Pacific Northwest
(04:57):
and my husband was inministry. And I remember just being
kind of under this shroud of alot of different lies, that, that
other people had written overmy life, that the enemy had written
over my life, that I hadwritten over my life, that I, I wasn't
godly enough to be in ministryor to run on mission, that I wasn't
smart enough, that I was toomuch, that I was too little, just
(05:20):
all these things. And that wasa really heavy defeated season for
me. And shortly after, wemoved from the Seattle area. I'll
never forget my Daughter wasgoing through a medical crisis, and
it was terrifying. She wasdiagnosed with a pretty severe seizure
disorder. And the first dayshe was in the hospital, in the icu,
(05:46):
my mom had driven in from outof town, and she'd driven in from
out of town to get my otherkiddos and help take care of them.
But she had come to thehospital, hospital first. And she
walked up to me in thehospital room and she said, hey,
you know, what medicines havethey put her on already? And I was
like, you know, I don't know.I don't know what's happening here.
And my mom was like, okay,well, you know, when. When do they
(06:09):
think she's going to stopseizing? I was like, I don't know.
You know, I'm not sure what'sgoing on. And my mom, who's so kind
and so loving and socompassionate and so tender, um,
came over to me and she said,jess, you are going to have to wake
up. She was like, you've gotto wake up. You've got to fight.
And I was. She was talking tome in the midst of, you know, kind
(06:30):
of trauma and tragedy andreally calling me awake as a mom.
But I will never forget thatin that moment, something flipped
in my body. And I, I thinkwhat I would say now, what I realized
happened is it wasn't that Irealized that, like, God needed me
to wake up, or God needed meto fight, or God needed me to fix
(06:51):
things, or God needed me topray certain things, or God needed
me to run on mission, but thathe was offering me this opportunity
to live fully awake and tonot, you know, slumber through the
pain and the beauty of life,but really to live fully awake on
mission with him. And so,interestingly enough, when people
ask me how I got started, thisis a long story. I'm about to wrap
(07:13):
it up, I promise. But whenpeople ask me how I. When people
ask me how I got started inall of this and in small business
and publishing, in coachingother women, it actually all started
in that moment. Because whilewe were in the hospital for that
visit, I borrowed my husband'slaptop and I opened it to PowerPoint.
(07:36):
I didn't have. There was noCanva back then. I didn't have, like,
Illustrator or anything likethat. But I. There was a certain
verse that I started prayingfor my daughter. Psalm 46. 5. The
Lord is in her midst. She willnot be moved. He will help her when
morning comes. And so I, I, Istarted praying that verse over her.
Psalm 46. 5. And I pulled up aPowerPoint on my husband's laptop
(07:57):
and made a little design ofthat verse. And later, when we got
home from the hospital, I wentand had it printed off and put it
on our wall. And a friend cameover a couple weeks later, you know,
to visit us and check on mydaughter. And she was like, hey,
you should sell those. Like,you should sell those on. On the
Internet. And I was like, no,nobody would want these. And she
(08:18):
was like, you should just tryit. And at the time, I had a mommy
blog that, you know, a couplehundred people read at the time.
And I put those little printsonline that I made on PowerPoint
that I got credit at Kinko's.And by the end of that year, that
small business had. Had grownpast my husband's very meager salary
(08:38):
at the time. And, you know, ayear later, that doubled. And two
years later, that doubled. Andall of a sudden, the small business
was supporting church plantsin Pakistan and Amsterdam and in
the US and we had employees.And in the midst of that, I started
a conference. And somepublishers came to the conference
and said, hey, have you everthought about writing books? And
(09:00):
then other women were like,how'd this happen? What's your story?
And then I realized, oh, Ireally love coaching. I really love
helping other women do this.But all of it stemmed from this one
little moment in the hospitalwhere my mom came over and said,
you're gonna have to wake up.You're gonna have to fight. And if
I'm on, if I'm really honestwith you, I don't. I don't know about
you. I don't know about thegals listening, but most days, I
(09:23):
really don't want to fight.Most days, I. It would seemingly
be easier to just kind of getthrough, to just kind of numb my
emotions, numb my deepdesires, numb my deep convictions,
watch reality TV and getthrough the day. But I'm grateful
(09:44):
for every day that I listen tothe Lord when he says, like, it's
time to get up. You're goingto have to fight. You know, let's
go back to that.
Moment for a minute, because Ithink about your mom. And most people,
when you walk into a scenariowhere someone's struggling like you
(10:05):
clearly would have been whenyour daughter's in the hospital,
maybe you walk tenderly. You.You might see someone's needs to
fight or they're asleep, butyou might not say something because
you risk offending. You risksounding too harsh or blunt or, you
know, all the things. What doyou think it took in that moment?
(10:27):
For your mom to be like, wakeup, Jess.
Yeah. You know, I think thatprobably that's. And that's such
a good point. And, you know,you have to have, like, authority,
and you have to have authoritythat really comes from loving someone
for a really long time. Shehad loved me, obviously, my whole
life at that point. I wasprobably 28, and so she had loved
(10:50):
me and tenderly cared for meso long that she had the authority
to say something intense tome. But you know what? I honestly
think it was. I think it'sthat she had just watched me sleepwalk
through life over the yearspast and that she had seen me kind
of hang up my calling and hangup my tenacity and hang up my passions
and put it all on the shelfand say, like, that all feels too
(11:10):
hard. You know, that all feelslike there might be some fear attached
to it. Or that all feels likemaybe, what if people don't like
me? Or. And so I thinkprobably she had just spent years
watching me not live into whoshe knew God had made me to be. That.
That probably. And all of asudden, now she was like, now this
is going to affect you. Youknow, now. Now's the time. And what
(11:34):
I love about that story, youknow, is that my mom wasn't telling
me, like, girl, get on astage. She wasn't saying, like, go
write a book. She was justsaying, like, this is your life.
Are you going to be awake forit? You know, are you going to bring
to the table what God hasgiven you to bring to the table?
And I'm so glad she did.
(11:55):
Yeah, absolutely. When youthink about women listening who are
maybe in that state of sortof. You call it sleepwalking. How.
How. What are some indicatorsthat they're not fully awake that
could help them? Almost like aquiz or a test, like, oh, check,
check.
Oh, I love that question. Youknow, it's interesting. We all are
(12:18):
really familiar with the signsof physical fatigue, right? Like
I'm yawning or I haveheadaches, or I'm. I just feel actually
tired. My body feels sluggish.But I do think it's harder for us
to notice some spiritualfatigue, emotional fatigue, or even
just, right. Like kind ofsleepwalking in our souls. So some
(12:39):
things I would say to lookfor, which I love that you asked
this question becauseinterestingly, I would say some of
the signs to look for areactually thinks that culturally we
praise in women, and I thinkthey might not necessarily be as
positive we think they are.So, for example, I would say a Woman
who has a hard time accessingher emotions may want to pay attention
(13:01):
to what's going on in hersoul, what's going on with her in
the Lord. And I bring this oneup because I would say this is one
that we really praise. Like wemight say that a woman who can make
it through a funeral withoutcrying, crying that she's very strong,
you know, or if you can makeit through a tense conversation with
your husband or as one of yourkids or even a boss without having
(13:23):
any emotion in your voice, youmight be, oh, she's stoic, she's
really tough. You know, she'sreally hearty. And in fact, actually
that might be a sign thatyou're so cut off from processing
your emotions with the Lordthat, that you actually aren't that
awake anymore. I would say alack of capacity to dream or access
(13:43):
God given, kingdom sizeddesire. You know, a lot of what I
find myself doing with, as I,as I'm coaching women is just helping
them understand what they wantand not being as fearful about their,
their desires. If by grace,through faith, they walk with God
and saying like, listen, HolySpirit is in you. So if, if there's
a desire that's about the goodof others and his glory, you could
(14:06):
probably trust it. He's a goodfather. He doesn't just give us a
lot of crazy desires just toshut them down. So I would say accessing
desire or being unable toaccess desire is another one to look
for. And then the biggest oneis interesting because I think we
think this is cultural, but Ibelieve it's actually deeply spiritual.
And that is if a woman doesn'tfeel present in her own life, if
(14:32):
she gets to the end of the dayand she's like, man, I barely even
remember those conversations.Or I got through, you know, a big
event, maybe a family weddingor a vacation, and I see the pictures
and it looks like it was agreat time, but I didn't really feel
present in it. I didn't feelawake in it. I would say that's a
great sign that there's maybesome opportunity there for her soul
(14:55):
to wake up in a new way.
It's so interesting. And I'mover here taking notes, Jess, and
already have multiple people.I, I'm like, oh, I gotta send this
podcast to. It's so good. Youlist just four examples. Not being
able to access your ownemotions, lack of capacity to dream,
(15:17):
being unable to access desire,not present in your own life. As
I'm listening to you say thosethings, I'm Thinking of ways that
Christian culture and maybethe church has almost encouraged
these things. Like I'mliterally thinking of many of us
have been told when we giveour life to Christ, we pick up our
(15:40):
cross, we run hard, we get onmission and so our own personal dreams
or desires or you know, evenour own feelings don't matter. It's
almost like, so can you talkto us a little bit about how maybe
scripture has been used inunhealthy or toxic ways to make us
(16:03):
feel as almost these thingsare things that we aren't supposed
to access?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'mso glad you bring this up. And I,
I think truly this, this ideathat we need to deny ourselves, follow
Jesus, take up our cross andbe crucified with Him. All true.
I just am like, yes, cosineretweet. Now that being said, I think
(16:28):
sometimes we also just forgethe's also a good dad. And so the
callings and the giftings andthe desires that he gives us, I believe
are going to call us tocrucify our flesh and maybe put down
our dreams that are about ourglory or about our fame or about
(16:52):
our comfort. But when I comeacross especially a woman who maybe
has a God sized dream or avision or a desire that is truly
about the good of others andhis glory, I will often just kind
of counter ask this if she'llsay like, you know, I've always wanted
to, let's say I always wantedto lead a Bible study, but I just,
(17:15):
I mean that's probably justme. I'm probably just making it about
me. Or if I'll meet a woman onthe flip side who says, and maybe
she finds herself in aleadership role or she finds herself
communicating in some way orleading in some capacity and she'll
say like, oh, I mean I, I'mdoing this now, but I've never wanted
to do. This is never what Iwanted to do. God, God made me do
(17:35):
it. I will often to both ofthose women say like, man, what you're
talking about, it makes himsound like such a bad dad. So either
we have some false functionalbeliefs about desire and what desires
it is that God is asking us toput to death. Or I think sometimes
(17:56):
maybe we feel like, if I'mbeing honest, I feel like we think
it sounds more godly to, todeny what we actually do desire to
do in the name of Jesus. Wethink that makes us sound godly.
But I would just say like mostof these desires that, but again,
if by grace, through faith,you're rooted in Jesus. You walk
(18:17):
with God, you've beensanctified, set apart, you've been
crucified with Christ. It isno longer you that lived, it's Christ
that lives within you. And sothe desires, the thoughts, the actions
you can trust. The ones thatfeel kingdom minded, that feel like
they're about him, that feellike they're about his fame, that
feel like they're about hisfamily, I would just say it takes
(18:39):
some rerouting to begin totrust those things. But all that
being said, let me answer yourquestion in one sentence. I. I think
that somewhere along the waywe, we were all taught, maybe overtly
and definitely subtly, that ifwe have a desire or a dream or a
(19:03):
vision, it must be selfish.And I think very often those of us
who have been renewed and setapart and redeemed in Christ, what
we can actually access is Godgiven desire and God given dreams
and God given vision.
One of our favorite thingsaround here at Collide is hosting
(19:24):
conferences just for you.These one night events gather together
women of all ages, stages andfaith backgrounds for an incredible
night of inspiration andencouragement. Attending a Collide
conferenc is a uniqueexperience that women walk away from
feeling refreshed, energized,hopeful and changed. So check out
(19:47):
the link in the show notes formore information on our upcoming
events and grab your tickettoday to join us for an impactful
night.
Yeah, it's interesting becauseI'm even thinking about women I know
who maybe chased dreams at onepoint in their life and had no consideration
of what God's dreams were fortheir life. And here they are and
(20:10):
they're living, you know,they're CEO of some big company or
whatever it is. And now thequestion becomes God, how do I take
this opportunity and thisdream that came true and actually
use it for your glory? Right.Like, how do I actually use it to
(20:31):
help other people? And sosometimes there's that shift too
where someone's not dreamingnew again, but they actually, you
know, accomplished something,but it wasn't with God. And now they're
having to say, how do Iactually invite God in, into this?
Because this is a blessing andI've never actually given it to him.
So good. Yeah. Which is alsosuch an important process and so
(20:55):
helpful to say, like, oh look,oops, I built this thing. Can you
talk to me about this?
How did you get your fightback? Your mom said this to you in
the hospital and this was aserious moment in your life. And
maybe with the adrenaline andthe seriousness of the circumstance,
you Felt a fight for yourdaughter, but how did you get your
(21:17):
general fight back, leavingthat place in that circumstance?
You know, what I think helpedme most is realizing I wasn't just
fighting for me, but learningthat I had a passion and desire to
fight for other women. And sothat's what I was sharing at the
(21:40):
time, that I was a mommyblogger, and I mostly wrote about
hair or taking my kids to thezoo or occasionally write a little
bit on my blog about the Bibleor what I was learning. But for the
most part, I just, you know, Iwas just kind of piddling around,
having fun, just going on andwriting every day. And what I realized
when I started writing aboutmy daughter's story, about what the
(22:04):
Lord was doing in my heart, Istarted writing a little bit about
what I ultimately realizedwhen my mom came to me and said,
you're gonna have to fight.You're gonna have to wake up. Later
on, I realized I'd probablybeen living with some undiagnosed
postpartum depression for awhile. And so when I started to learn
to take care of my mentalhealth, to do that with the Lord,
(22:25):
I think, and I started towrite about all of this on my blog,
I realized, oh, there arejust. There are just many a multitude
of other women walking aroundfeeling this way. And so I would
say that is still what keepsme personally fighting to stay awake
is not just, you know, my. Mysoul is worthy of not sleepwalking.
(22:49):
My soul is worthy of checkingin on my emotions in my mind and.
And my spirit and walking withthe Lord and staying attuned to him.
But also I have this desire,this passion in me to help other
women do the same. And so Ithink being motivated by seeing their
transformation, beingmotivated. Motivated by hearing their
(23:09):
pain points and hearing what.What is making them sleepwalk in
life. And then ultimately justsaying, like, hey, I want to take
my place to fight for otherwomen has kept me. Kept me fighting
to stay awake as well.
Let's talk a little bit aboutmental health struggles. You are
(23:30):
pretty open about yours, andyou just mentioned that you had to
figure out how to take care ofyour mental health along with the
Lord. What does that look likefor you?
Oh, great question. I thinkthe first thing it looks like is
realizing that God hadcompassion toward me. He wasn't coming
(23:52):
toward me in shame in the wayswhere my brain felt broken, that
God was not like, hey, you'rea whole mess, or you're. You're.
You're making something biggerthan it needs to be, or just Pull
it together. You should justchoose joy. That actually none of
those things are things thatGod would have said to me. I started
to realize, number one, hemade my body and my brain good. And
(24:16):
also that he comes toward mewith compassion because I live under
the effects of a fallen world.And so environment and stimulation
and the brokenness and theheaviness of just living on Earth
in 2025, I believe causes ourgood Father to come toward us in
compassion. And so then Istarted to ask, okay, well, if God
(24:38):
made my. My body and my braingood, if God loves me and he is coming
toward me with compassion, notshame, not condemnation about how
my mind feels about what I'mexperiencing, then what would it
look like to begin to care formy mind with God, with. With a heart
of compassion as well? And soanything I'm doing for my mental
(25:03):
health now is not trying tomake my mind good, not trying to
pretend like it is good, but.But treating it like it is. Treating
my mind like it was made goodby God, and. And treating my mind
again, my body as well, and mysoul, with compassion. Understanding
that living under the effectsof a fallen world is hard for every
(25:25):
human. It's. It's heavy and.And in some ways it's. It's unbearable.
And it. It needs support and help.
I like that you use the phrasecare with God. We talk a lot around
here at Collide. Jesuscollides with people all the time,
and he leaves them more wholethan broken. But he often invites
(25:47):
people to participate in theirown healing. And I think sometimes
we think as Christians, like,oh, dear God, just wave the magic
wand, abracadabra. And sooften you see Jesus show up on people's
scenes and he actually islike, I'm gonna actually ask you
to reach your hand out towardsrestoration. I'm actually gonna ask
(26:10):
you, lady, who spirit has bentyou over for way too long to walk
forward up to this place, andI'm going to heal you. Like, you
see that all the time. Andwhat's interesting is a lot of women
have experiences, childhoodtrauma, family of origin stuff where
they weren't invited to carefor their mental health. They weren't
(26:33):
invited to pause and go, oh,how. How am I feeling right now?
Or, why is my stomach hurting?Or it was. It's always like, we take
care of everyone else. But to,like, care with God for ourselves,
that's almost selfish. That's.That's like a lot of us don't know
how to do that. So for womenlistening, who care for everyone
(26:58):
else, but Themselves. What'syour advice for them?
Such a great question. Well,you know, I think that one thing
that God has taught me and heis continually teaching me and showing
me is that I really cannot doany of my roles. Well, if I'm not
(27:20):
a daughter first, I can't be agood mother, I can't be a good leader,
I can't be a good sister, Ican't be a good friend. I can actually
do a pretty good job fakingall of those things or even maybe
showing up and striving andtrying hard and all of those things.
But I will eventually burn outor I will eventually feel bitter,
(27:45):
or I will eventually mayberealize that I'm, I'm working for
my approval and not from myapproval if I don't start first by
letting God just bother me, byletting God just take care of me
as a daughter. And it'sinteresting, I think when we, when
we, when we begin to let Godkind of heal this idea that he, he
(28:07):
is a good father and that hedoes want to treat us like daughters.
And then we start to think,okay, if I was a mother, for those
who are mothers, like, howwould I want my. What, how would
I want to support my kids ifthey were feeling overwhelmed, if
it was their mental health, ifit was their bodies, if it was their
soul, you know, how would Iwant to support them? Would I shame
(28:29):
them? Would I condemn themwhen I tell them to get over it?
Or would I come alongside themand give them the tools, kindly,
lovingly, gently for them to,yes, experience healing, maybe to
take up their mat and walkand, and as any good father would,
you know, we're just shadowsof that. But if there are, if there
(28:50):
are moments that I canimmediately take my kids pain away,
I will, you know, if I cangive them some medicine or if I can
do something to alleviate somestress, I will. But if I can teach
them, the ultimate goal is toteach them how to take care of themselves.
If I can guide them and showthem the steps to, you know, here's
how you drink a little bit ofwater, here's how you're going to
lay down when you'reexhausted. Here's how you're going
(29:13):
to make a list of what'soverwhelming you when you're feeling
overwhelmed, whether you're insixth grade or whether you're 60.
You know, if I can teach mykids the skills to, to help them
live as whole and healed andas free as they are, then I'll, I'll
take the opportunity that aswell so yeah, that's what I would
say. Like for anyone who kindof wrestles with that self care debate,
(29:35):
like, is it, is it self care?Is it selfish? Like, you know, I
would just say you can show upat all of the roles for a while and
really care for other people.Lead, pretend like you don't have
needs, pretend like you don'thave desires, pretend like you don't
have boundaries and limits.But ultimately, I think for us to
(29:56):
stay in the game, to love Godand to love people, for the long
haul, we're going to have toact like daughters first.
Such a good, good word. And inall of that, I literally wrote down
working for my approvalinstead of working from. It's so
good. I could ask you so manythings. So I'm so glad I get to spend
time with you soon at ourconference. But I do want to ask
(30:19):
you about this latest book youwrote. You have written what, 13
books or something? Is thatwhat it is?
Yeah.
And you just came out withtired of being tired. And I, man,
I, I want to know why youwrote this book. What are you seeing
in us as women and what's yourencouragement to us in this book?
(30:44):
Because just literally readingthe title, I'm like, oh, I need to
read this book right now. Ofcourse you caught me in the middle
of like book deadlines and allthis crazy stuff, grief and all sor
sorts of stuff at one time.But I know there's people listening
and they're so tired. So why'dyou write this book? And yeah, what's
(31:06):
your encouragement?
You know, I always joked I'm,I'm 13 books in and I, I started
joking probably around bookthree or four. Like one day I'm gonna
write a book on rest. And Iwould joke about it because I thought
that to write that book wouldmean that I just lived a very well
rested and peaceful life bythat point. And so I would always
joke, like one day I'm gonnawrite that book. And what I didn't
(31:28):
realize is, you know, what Ishould have realized is almost all
of my books have been writtenfrom a place of victory and authority
after some breaking, afterI've usually hit my lowest of the
pain point. And that was thesame for this book. I had a mental,
spiritual, physical, emotionalbreakdown after about 20 years and
(31:52):
in almost full time ministryin some way, shape or form. And for
me it came a couple of yearsafter the pandemic as a local church
leader, as a, as an author, asa small business owner. And I just,
I just hit A wall. And I, youknow, I still loved God, but I didn't
really like me, and I didn'treally like people. And my body was
(32:15):
just breaking down, justabsolutely breaking down. And honestly,
why I ended up writing thebook is I was headed out to go meet
with my publishers and we weregoing to talk about what book I was
going to write next. And I hadkind of already warned them, like,
you guys, I'm not in greatshape. Like, I'm not. I'm not really
in a great space to. To writea book. And on the way out to meet
(32:37):
them, I. I wrote down thissentence. I wrote down, every woman
I know is tired. And if Jesussays, come to me, all who are weary
and heavy laden, I will giveyou rest. Take my yoke upon me, learn
from me. I was like, I believehim about everything, and I do not
(32:57):
believe him about this. I amhaving a very hard time understanding
what this means, because everywoman I know is tired. And there.
There's got to be some gapbetween our formal belief and our
functional belief. And so thatled me honestly on a period of exploration
where I just tried to figureout what that passage meant. I tried
(33:21):
to figure out what the sourceof fatigue was for me. I tried to
figure out some tangible,realistic, mostly free ways that
women could rest, because Ialso saw rest kind of only build
and marketed as this. This actof leisure that was maybe set aside
for people who had the moneyand the time to experience it. And
(33:43):
so I said, I just thought, ifJesus has said this to me, but he
said it to single moms inKansas and college students and empty
nesters and men and women andchildren alike. We've got to figure
out what this means for us.And so tired of being tired was my
exploration into what thatmight look like.
(34:04):
So needed. So needed. What areyou hearing from women as they're
reading this? Are theydiscovering just how absolutely tired
they are? Like, are theyfalling at the 26 mile, 26.2 mile
line? Are they beingrefreshed? Are they learning new
ways to rest? What are you hearing?
(34:27):
Some of the best things I'veheard, some of the most encouraging
pieces of fruit that I'veheard is number one, I hear from
a lot of women that weretrying to physically rest and trying
to meet their fatigue withphysical rest, when what they needed
was spiritual or mental oremotional rest. I'll say just a lot
of the women I end upministering to are in their late
(34:48):
20s, to their, you know, early50s, and I would say almost every
single One of us in our late20s to early 50s is maybe, maybe
even older, is dealing withsome level of mental fatigue that
is, that is almostinsurmountable at this point. And
so I've been so encouraged tofind that there are a few just simple
(35:10):
tricks, tools that are reallykingdom minded that, that have helped
them make some shifts. Notthat they don't get tired anymore
because this life isexhausting, but maybe they learn
to rest before they get tiredor they learn to actually just rest
their mind in the ways thatare gonna, that are gonna help them
experience recreation. I'veheard a lot of encouraging things,
(35:32):
really, truly, I think a lotof what that the book does and has
done for women and has donefor women as I've been able to travel
and teach, is they've, they'vebeen able to rewrite some lies about
rest from a kingdomperspective, like maybe that they
need to earn their rest. Andinstead we see in Psalm 127, God
gives rest to those he loves.Or we believe that we should work,
(35:53):
work, work, work, work, andthen rest from our work. But actually
in Genesis 2, and God createsthe world, he says there was evening
and then there was morning thefirst day, there was evening and
then there was morning thefirst day, meaning that we actually
rest and then we work fromrest. So we should prior prioritize
even maybe how we go to sleep,more importantly than how we wake
(36:14):
up in the morning. So I'veseen women just kind of reroute some
of those lies andmisunderstandings in their head.
And even, even as simple asseeing the fruit of women stop. I've
seen communities that womenstop kind of humble, bragging about
how tired and overextendedthey are, and start, and start to
(36:35):
realize like that is actuallyreally, that is really dangerous
when we like gently kind oflike pridefully drop like how little
sleep we got or how many dayswe've gone without a day off. And
instead, you know, I'll tellwomen, like, we don't actually want
to brag about not having aSabbath because you can't obey God
by disobeying God and taking aSabbath is what he commands us to
(36:58):
do. So if we want to be womenwho obey God, who follow God, who,
you know, live surrendered tohis plan, we will actually obey him
even in this, in the way thatwe rest instead of doing this thing
that we kind of tend to do inour, in our female Christian communities
where we say like, oh, youknow, I only got four hours sleep
last night. Oh, I only gotthree hours Sleep last night. Oh,
I haven't taken a day off inthis many, you know, days. And instead
(37:20):
realizing, like, hey, if oursister is saying she's tired, let's
say, oh, my gosh, that's notokay. What can we do to help? Can
I watch your baby so you cantake a nap?
What?
Like, how do we need toreorganize, you know, your life so
that you can maybe receivesome of God's good rest for you?
So those are some of thelittle bits of fruit that I've seen
as women have their mindschanged about rest and then maybe
(37:42):
begin to rest in the ways thatthey're most needed in their lives.
I love it so much. I love theidea of this idea you mentioned of
recreation, and I think we allneed it. So I know there's going
to be women who want to spendtime with you at our conference.
We'll tell them how they cando that, but there's going to be
(38:05):
women who just want to checkyou out and get your book or books.
So how can they do that? Jess?
Oh, I would be so honored toconnect with women. I'm Jess A. Connolly
on Instagram @jessconnolly.And then jessconnolly.com is my website,
(38:26):
and my podcast is called theJess Connolly Podcast.
You have a lot of letters,like, two S's, two L's.
It's true.
Yes. The double letter lady.Well, I'm so.
That's what I tell people allthe time. Two N's, two O's, two L's.
I love it. I have two L's, butI don't have two of anything else.
(38:49):
Oh, I guess I have two W's,but they're not together. Anyways,
so good to hang out with you.Can't wait to see you in May and
appreciate your time today.
Oh, thank you for having me.Can't wait to see you guys in May.
We'll see you soon. Hey,friend. I hope you enjoyed that convo
(39:10):
with Jess. If you want otherpodcasts just like this, make sure
to subscribe to this podcast.And also, it's such a simple thing,
but it would mean so much tome if you'd review this podcast because
it makes it more visible toother people to bless and minister
to them. And if you have afriend who needs to hear what Jess
(39:31):
had to say. I know I do. Justshare it. Just send it on right now.
Such an easy thing to do, tobless someone's day. And if you loved
her and you want to check outour conference coming up where she
will be speaking. Make sureyou go to our website at wecolide.net
and we will catch you nextweek. Keep colliding. Go to the one
(39:56):
who promises that he willrestore you when you're tired he
will refresh you, remake you,recreate you he will meet you right
where you're at but he won'tleave you there he'll give you all
you need so that you can liveyour very best life so keep colliding
(40:21):
friend we'll catch you next week.
Willow Weston
Hey, friend. I am so glad youhopped on today. I, of course, get
to interview people every weekon this podcast, and I just love
(00:23):
the interview I get to handyou. It's with Jess Connolly. She's
a speaker at our springconference in May, and we are so
excited to have her. Buttoday's conversation made me all
the more excited. This is awoman who has written 13 books on
a variety of different topics,from Breaking Free from Body Shame
(00:46):
to books on feelings ofinadequacy, and insecurity that are
holding us back. And herlatest book is called Tired of Being
Tired. And I don't know, thisconversation probably just came to
me in a time when I needed itmost, but I have been in this season
of grief and book deadlinesand launching Clyde in other cities
(01:10):
and all of these things, andsome of them are really hard and
some of them are really great,but I am tired. And it was so awesome
to sit down with Jess, who'sdone a ton of research, a ton of
work, but she approaches itall from such a real, authentic place
in her own life of reallyhaving these wake up moments in her
(01:33):
life that sort of altered andchanged her trajectory and her mindset
and the lies she was believingand the way she wasn't fighting for
the life that she desired. SoI don't know where you're at today,
friend, but if you're anywherelike where I'm at, I promise this
conversation will bless you.So check it out. Jess, it's so good
(02:00):
to be with you today. You, I'massuming, are popping in from South
Carolina, or is that whereyou're at today?
I am, yes. It's so good to bewith you as well.
Oh, I love it. Well, we'resuper excited. As I just told you
off air, we're really excitedto have you out to a Collide conference
and to come and preach thegospel and spend time with women
(02:23):
and just can't wait to be withyou in person. But today is fun,
too.
Same. I can't wait to be withyou guys. I love the Pacific Northwest,
love the women out there. I'mso excited to join y'all.
Awesome. Well, you, you know,it's easy to look at your life, stalk
you online, see the, you know,jillions of books you've read and
(02:45):
the ministry you're doing andpreaching and leadership and ministering
to other women who want to beused by God and kind of just assume
like you've just always beenin this place and. And you've always
just Been killing it forJesus. And you talk about this sort
of wake up moment that you hadyears ago, and I'm wondering if we
(03:08):
can just start there because Ithink a lot of times women look at
other women where they're atrather than where they were and what
God did in their lives. So I'dlove to just go back to Jess's wake
up moment, man.
Well, first of all, I'll justtell you this. I'm not, I'm not totally
sure I'm killing it for Jesusright now.
(03:28):
So.
So that just helps anybodytake a deep breath. You know, most
of the days I feel like lifeis, is kind of, it's kind of dragging
me, but Jesus is there and soI'm really grateful for his faithfulness
and his steadfastness. And Iwould say I've had, I've had really
a series of wake up momentsfor me in my life. And, and I was
(03:52):
just sharing with you that Iused to live in the Pacific Northwest.
And for me in that season,that was actually probably my most
asleep, my most defeated andheavy season of my life. My early,
early to mid-20s. And I hadmet Jesus when I was 15. And the
day after I got saved, Ithought, you know, I want to, I want
(04:14):
to live for God. I, I remembersitting on my bed and reading my
Bible as a 15 year old andthinking, I want to be, I want to
be doing this. I want to bestudying this Bible and I want to
be teaching this Bible, youknow, for the rest of my life. I
can't believe this has alwaysjust been here. I want to, I want
to help other people knowabout this. And I had in my late
(04:35):
teens, just really aninteresting opportunity to go ahead
and jump into ministry. I wason staff at my first church when
I was 18 and found myself in alot of church ministry. And then
my early 20s to late 20s feltkind of more like a heavy, defeated,
broken season. And I was, wewere living in the Pacific Northwest
(04:57):
and my husband was inministry. And I remember just being
kind of under this shroud of alot of different lies, that, that
other people had written overmy life, that the enemy had written
over my life, that I hadwritten over my life, that I, I wasn't
godly enough to be in ministryor to run on mission, that I wasn't
smart enough, that I was toomuch, that I was too little, just
(05:20):
all these things. And that wasa really heavy defeated season for
me. And shortly after, wemoved from the Seattle area. I'll
never forget my Daughter wasgoing through a medical crisis, and
it was terrifying. She wasdiagnosed with a pretty severe seizure
disorder. And the first dayshe was in the hospital, in the icu,
(05:46):
my mom had driven in from outof town, and she'd driven in from
out of town to get my otherkiddos and help take care of them.
But she had come to thehospital, hospital first. And she
walked up to me in thehospital room and she said, hey,
you know, what medicines havethey put her on already? And I was
like, you know, I don't know.I don't know what's happening here.
And my mom was like, okay,well, you know, when. When do they
(06:09):
think she's going to stopseizing? I was like, I don't know.
You know, I'm not sure what'sgoing on. And my mom, who's so kind
and so loving and socompassionate and so tender, um,
came over to me and she said,jess, you are going to have to wake
up. She was like, you've gotto wake up. You've got to fight.
And I was. She was talking tome in the midst of, you know, kind
(06:30):
of trauma and tragedy andreally calling me awake as a mom.
But I will never forget thatin that moment, something flipped
in my body. And I, I thinkwhat I would say now, what I realized
happened is it wasn't that Irealized that, like, God needed me
to wake up, or God needed meto fight, or God needed me to fix
(06:51):
things, or God needed me topray certain things, or God needed
me to run on mission, but thathe was offering me this opportunity
to live fully awake and tonot, you know, slumber through the
pain and the beauty of life,but really to live fully awake on
mission with him. And so,interestingly enough, when people
ask me how I got started, thisis a long story. I'm about to wrap
(07:13):
it up, I promise. But whenpeople ask me how I. When people
ask me how I got started inall of this and in small business
and publishing, in coachingother women, it actually all started
in that moment. Because whilewe were in the hospital for that
visit, I borrowed my husband'slaptop and I opened it to PowerPoint.
(07:36):
I didn't have. There was noCanva back then. I didn't have, like,
Illustrator or anything likethat. But I. There was a certain
verse that I started prayingfor my daughter. Psalm 46. 5. The
Lord is in her midst. She willnot be moved. He will help her when
morning comes. And so I, I, Istarted praying that verse over her.
Psalm 46. 5. And I pulled up aPowerPoint on my husband's laptop
(07:57):
and made a little design ofthat verse. And later, when we got
home from the hospital, I wentand had it printed off and put it
on our wall. And a friend cameover a couple weeks later, you know,
to visit us and check on mydaughter. And she was like, hey,
you should sell those. Like,you should sell those on. On the
Internet. And I was like, no,nobody would want these. And she
(08:18):
was like, you should just tryit. And at the time, I had a mommy
blog that, you know, a couplehundred people read at the time.
And I put those little printsonline that I made on PowerPoint
that I got credit at Kinko's.And by the end of that year, that
small business had. Had grownpast my husband's very meager salary
(08:38):
at the time. And, you know, ayear later, that doubled. And two
years later, that doubled. Andall of a sudden, the small business
was supporting church plantsin Pakistan and Amsterdam and in
the US and we had employees.And in the midst of that, I started
a conference. And somepublishers came to the conference
and said, hey, have you everthought about writing books? And
(09:00):
then other women were like,how'd this happen? What's your story?
And then I realized, oh, Ireally love coaching. I really love
helping other women do this.But all of it stemmed from this one
little moment in the hospitalwhere my mom came over and said,
you're gonna have to wake up.You're gonna have to fight. And if
I'm on, if I'm really honestwith you, I don't. I don't know about
you. I don't know about thegals listening, but most days, I
(09:23):
really don't want to fight.Most days, I. It would seemingly
be easier to just kind of getthrough, to just kind of numb my
emotions, numb my deepdesires, numb my deep convictions,
watch reality TV and getthrough the day. But I'm grateful
(09:44):
for every day that I listen tothe Lord when he says, like, it's
time to get up. You're goingto have to fight. You know, let's
go back to that.
Moment for a minute, because Ithink about your mom. And most people,
when you walk into a scenariowhere someone's struggling like you
(10:05):
clearly would have been whenyour daughter's in the hospital,
maybe you walk tenderly. You.You might see someone's needs to
fight or they're asleep, butyou might not say something because
you risk offending. You risksounding too harsh or blunt or, you
know, all the things. What doyou think it took in that moment?
(10:27):
For your mom to be like, wakeup, Jess.
Yeah. You know, I think thatprobably that's. And that's such
a good point. And, you know,you have to have, like, authority,
and you have to have authoritythat really comes from loving someone
for a really long time. Shehad loved me, obviously, my whole
life at that point. I wasprobably 28, and so she had loved
(10:50):
me and tenderly cared for meso long that she had the authority
to say something intense tome. But you know what? I honestly
think it was. I think it'sthat she had just watched me sleepwalk
through life over the yearspast and that she had seen me kind
of hang up my calling and hangup my tenacity and hang up my passions
and put it all on the shelfand say, like, that all feels too
(11:10):
hard. You know, that all feelslike there might be some fear attached
to it. Or that all feels likemaybe, what if people don't like
me? Or. And so I thinkprobably she had just spent years
watching me not live into whoshe knew God had made me to be. That.
That probably. And all of asudden, now she was like, now this
is going to affect you. Youknow, now. Now's the time. And what
(11:34):
I love about that story, youknow, is that my mom wasn't telling
me, like, girl, get on astage. She wasn't saying, like, go
write a book. She was justsaying, like, this is your life.
Are you going to be awake forit? You know, are you going to bring
to the table what God hasgiven you to bring to the table?
And I'm so glad she did.
(11:55):
Yeah, absolutely. When youthink about women listening who are
maybe in that state of sortof. You call it sleepwalking. How.
How. What are some indicatorsthat they're not fully awake that
could help them? Almost like aquiz or a test, like, oh, check,
check.
Oh, I love that question. Youknow, it's interesting. We all are
(12:18):
really familiar with the signsof physical fatigue, right? Like
I'm yawning or I haveheadaches, or I'm. I just feel actually
tired. My body feels sluggish.But I do think it's harder for us
to notice some spiritualfatigue, emotional fatigue, or even
just, right. Like kind ofsleepwalking in our souls. So some
(12:39):
things I would say to lookfor, which I love that you asked
this question becauseinterestingly, I would say some of
the signs to look for areactually thinks that culturally we
praise in women, and I thinkthey might not necessarily be as
positive we think they are.So, for example, I would say a Woman
who has a hard time accessingher emotions may want to pay attention
(13:01):
to what's going on in hersoul, what's going on with her in
the Lord. And I bring this oneup because I would say this is one
that we really praise. Like wemight say that a woman who can make
it through a funeral withoutcrying, crying that she's very strong,
you know, or if you can makeit through a tense conversation with
your husband or as one of yourkids or even a boss without having
(13:23):
any emotion in your voice, youmight be, oh, she's stoic, she's
really tough. You know, she'sreally hearty. And in fact, actually
that might be a sign thatyou're so cut off from processing
your emotions with the Lordthat, that you actually aren't that
awake anymore. I would say alack of capacity to dream or access
(13:43):
God given, kingdom sizeddesire. You know, a lot of what I
find myself doing with, as I,as I'm coaching women is just helping
them understand what they wantand not being as fearful about their,
their desires. If by grace,through faith, they walk with God
and saying like, listen, HolySpirit is in you. So if, if there's
a desire that's about the goodof others and his glory, you could
(14:06):
probably trust it. He's a goodfather. He doesn't just give us a
lot of crazy desires just toshut them down. So I would say accessing
desire or being unable toaccess desire is another one to look
for. And then the biggest oneis interesting because I think we
think this is cultural, but Ibelieve it's actually deeply spiritual.
And that is if a woman doesn'tfeel present in her own life, if
(14:32):
she gets to the end of the dayand she's like, man, I barely even
remember those conversations.Or I got through, you know, a big
event, maybe a family weddingor a vacation, and I see the pictures
and it looks like it was agreat time, but I didn't really feel
present in it. I didn't feelawake in it. I would say that's a
great sign that there's maybesome opportunity there for her soul
(14:55):
to wake up in a new way.
It's so interesting. And I'mover here taking notes, Jess, and
already have multiple people.I, I'm like, oh, I gotta send this
podcast to. It's so good. Youlist just four examples. Not being
able to access your ownemotions, lack of capacity to dream,
(15:17):
being unable to access desire,not present in your own life. As
I'm listening to you say thosethings, I'm Thinking of ways that
Christian culture and maybethe church has almost encouraged
these things. Like I'mliterally thinking of many of us
have been told when we giveour life to Christ, we pick up our
(15:40):
cross, we run hard, we get onmission and so our own personal dreams
or desires or you know, evenour own feelings don't matter. It's
almost like, so can you talkto us a little bit about how maybe
scripture has been used inunhealthy or toxic ways to make us
(16:03):
feel as almost these thingsare things that we aren't supposed
to access?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'mso glad you bring this up. And I,
I think truly this, this ideathat we need to deny ourselves, follow
Jesus, take up our cross andbe crucified with Him. All true.
I just am like, yes, cosineretweet. Now that being said, I think
(16:28):
sometimes we also just forgethe's also a good dad. And so the
callings and the giftings andthe desires that he gives us, I believe
are going to call us tocrucify our flesh and maybe put down
our dreams that are about ourglory or about our fame or about
(16:52):
our comfort. But when I comeacross especially a woman who maybe
has a God sized dream or avision or a desire that is truly
about the good of others andhis glory, I will often just kind
of counter ask this if she'llsay like, you know, I've always wanted
to, let's say I always wantedto lead a Bible study, but I just,
(17:15):
I mean that's probably justme. I'm probably just making it about
me. Or if I'll meet a woman onthe flip side who says, and maybe
she finds herself in aleadership role or she finds herself
communicating in some way orleading in some capacity and she'll
say like, oh, I mean I, I'mdoing this now, but I've never wanted
to do. This is never what Iwanted to do. God, God made me do
(17:35):
it. I will often to both ofthose women say like, man, what you're
talking about, it makes himsound like such a bad dad. So either
we have some false functionalbeliefs about desire and what desires
it is that God is asking us toput to death. Or I think sometimes
(17:56):
maybe we feel like, if I'mbeing honest, I feel like we think
it sounds more godly to, todeny what we actually do desire to
do in the name of Jesus. Wethink that makes us sound godly.
But I would just say like mostof these desires that, but again,
if by grace, through faith,you're rooted in Jesus. You walk
(18:17):
with God, you've beensanctified, set apart, you've been
crucified with Christ. It isno longer you that lived, it's Christ
that lives within you. And sothe desires, the thoughts, the actions
you can trust. The ones thatfeel kingdom minded, that feel like
they're about him, that feellike they're about his fame, that
feel like they're about hisfamily, I would just say it takes
(18:39):
some rerouting to begin totrust those things. But all that
being said, let me answer yourquestion in one sentence. I. I think
that somewhere along the waywe, we were all taught, maybe overtly
and definitely subtly, that ifwe have a desire or a dream or a
(19:03):
vision, it must be selfish.And I think very often those of us
who have been renewed and setapart and redeemed in Christ, what
we can actually access is Godgiven desire and God given dreams
and God given vision.
One of our favorite thingsaround here at Collide is hosting
(19:24):
conferences just for you.These one night events gather together
women of all ages, stages andfaith backgrounds for an incredible
night of inspiration andencouragement. Attending a Collide
conferenc is a uniqueexperience that women walk away from
feeling refreshed, energized,hopeful and changed. So check out
(19:47):
the link in the show notes formore information on our upcoming
events and grab your tickettoday to join us for an impactful
night.
Yeah, it's interesting becauseI'm even thinking about women I know
who maybe chased dreams at onepoint in their life and had no consideration
of what God's dreams were fortheir life. And here they are and
(20:10):
they're living, you know,they're CEO of some big company or
whatever it is. And now thequestion becomes God, how do I take
this opportunity and thisdream that came true and actually
use it for your glory? Right.Like, how do I actually use it to
(20:31):
help other people? And sosometimes there's that shift too
where someone's not dreamingnew again, but they actually, you
know, accomplished something,but it wasn't with God. And now they're
having to say, how do Iactually invite God in, into this?
Because this is a blessing andI've never actually given it to him.
So good. Yeah. Which is alsosuch an important process and so
(20:55):
helpful to say, like, oh look,oops, I built this thing. Can you
talk to me about this?
How did you get your fightback? Your mom said this to you in
the hospital and this was aserious moment in your life. And
maybe with the adrenaline andthe seriousness of the circumstance,
you Felt a fight for yourdaughter, but how did you get your
(21:17):
general fight back, leavingthat place in that circumstance?
You know, what I think helpedme most is realizing I wasn't just
fighting for me, but learningthat I had a passion and desire to
fight for other women. And sothat's what I was sharing at the
(21:40):
time, that I was a mommyblogger, and I mostly wrote about
hair or taking my kids to thezoo or occasionally write a little
bit on my blog about the Bibleor what I was learning. But for the
most part, I just, you know, Iwas just kind of piddling around,
having fun, just going on andwriting every day. And what I realized
when I started writing aboutmy daughter's story, about what the
(22:04):
Lord was doing in my heart, Istarted writing a little bit about
what I ultimately realizedwhen my mom came to me and said,
you're gonna have to fight.You're gonna have to wake up. Later
on, I realized I'd probablybeen living with some undiagnosed
postpartum depression for awhile. And so when I started to learn
to take care of my mentalhealth, to do that with the Lord,
(22:25):
I think, and I started towrite about all of this on my blog,
I realized, oh, there arejust. There are just many a multitude
of other women walking aroundfeeling this way. And so I would
say that is still what keepsme personally fighting to stay awake
is not just, you know, my. Mysoul is worthy of not sleepwalking.
(22:49):
My soul is worthy of checkingin on my emotions in my mind and.
And my spirit and walking withthe Lord and staying attuned to him.
But also I have this desire,this passion in me to help other
women do the same. And so Ithink being motivated by seeing their
transformation, beingmotivated. Motivated by hearing their
(23:09):
pain points and hearing what.What is making them sleepwalk in
life. And then ultimately justsaying, like, hey, I want to take
my place to fight for otherwomen has kept me. Kept me fighting
to stay awake as well.
Let's talk a little bit aboutmental health struggles. You are
(23:30):
pretty open about yours, andyou just mentioned that you had to
figure out how to take care ofyour mental health along with the
Lord. What does that look likefor you?
Oh, great question. I thinkthe first thing it looks like is
realizing that God hadcompassion toward me. He wasn't coming
(23:52):
toward me in shame in the wayswhere my brain felt broken, that
God was not like, hey, you'rea whole mess, or you're. You're.
You're making something biggerthan it needs to be, or just Pull
it together. You should justchoose joy. That actually none of
those things are things thatGod would have said to me. I started
to realize, number one, hemade my body and my brain good. And
(24:16):
also that he comes toward mewith compassion because I live under
the effects of a fallen world.And so environment and stimulation
and the brokenness and theheaviness of just living on Earth
in 2025, I believe causes ourgood Father to come toward us in
compassion. And so then Istarted to ask, okay, well, if God
(24:38):
made my. My body and my braingood, if God loves me and he is coming
toward me with compassion, notshame, not condemnation about how
my mind feels about what I'mexperiencing, then what would it
look like to begin to care formy mind with God, with. With a heart
of compassion as well? And soanything I'm doing for my mental
(25:03):
health now is not trying tomake my mind good, not trying to
pretend like it is good, but.But treating it like it is. Treating
my mind like it was made goodby God, and. And treating my mind
again, my body as well, and mysoul, with compassion. Understanding
that living under the effectsof a fallen world is hard for every
(25:25):
human. It's. It's heavy and.And in some ways it's. It's unbearable.
And it. It needs support and help.
I like that you use the phrasecare with God. We talk a lot around
here at Collide. Jesuscollides with people all the time,
and he leaves them more wholethan broken. But he often invites
(25:47):
people to participate in theirown healing. And I think sometimes
we think as Christians, like,oh, dear God, just wave the magic
wand, abracadabra. And sooften you see Jesus show up on people's
scenes and he actually islike, I'm gonna actually ask you
to reach your hand out towardsrestoration. I'm actually gonna ask
(26:10):
you, lady, who spirit has bentyou over for way too long to walk
forward up to this place, andI'm going to heal you. Like, you
see that all the time. Andwhat's interesting is a lot of women
have experiences, childhoodtrauma, family of origin stuff where
they weren't invited to carefor their mental health. They weren't
(26:33):
invited to pause and go, oh,how. How am I feeling right now?
Or, why is my stomach hurting?Or it was. It's always like, we take
care of everyone else. But to,like, care with God for ourselves,
that's almost selfish. That's.That's like a lot of us don't know
how to do that. So for womenlistening, who care for everyone
(26:58):
else, but Themselves. What'syour advice for them?
Such a great question. Well,you know, I think that one thing
that God has taught me and heis continually teaching me and showing
me is that I really cannot doany of my roles. Well, if I'm not
(27:20):
a daughter first, I can't be agood mother, I can't be a good leader,
I can't be a good sister, Ican't be a good friend. I can actually
do a pretty good job fakingall of those things or even maybe
showing up and striving andtrying hard and all of those things.
But I will eventually burn outor I will eventually feel bitter,
(27:45):
or I will eventually mayberealize that I'm, I'm working for
my approval and not from myapproval if I don't start first by
letting God just bother me, byletting God just take care of me
as a daughter. And it'sinteresting, I think when we, when
we, when we begin to let Godkind of heal this idea that he, he
(28:07):
is a good father and that hedoes want to treat us like daughters.
And then we start to think,okay, if I was a mother, for those
who are mothers, like, howwould I want my. What, how would
I want to support my kids ifthey were feeling overwhelmed, if
it was their mental health, ifit was their bodies, if it was their
soul, you know, how would Iwant to support them? Would I shame
(28:29):
them? Would I condemn themwhen I tell them to get over it?
Or would I come alongside themand give them the tools, kindly,
lovingly, gently for them to,yes, experience healing, maybe to
take up their mat and walkand, and as any good father would,
you know, we're just shadowsof that. But if there are, if there
(28:50):
are moments that I canimmediately take my kids pain away,
I will, you know, if I cangive them some medicine or if I can
do something to alleviate somestress, I will. But if I can teach
them, the ultimate goal is toteach them how to take care of themselves.
If I can guide them and showthem the steps to, you know, here's
how you drink a little bit ofwater, here's how you're going to
lay down when you'reexhausted. Here's how you're going
(29:13):
to make a list of what'soverwhelming you when you're feeling
overwhelmed, whether you're insixth grade or whether you're 60.
You know, if I can teach mykids the skills to, to help them
live as whole and healed andas free as they are, then I'll, I'll
take the opportunity that aswell so yeah, that's what I would
say. Like for anyone who kindof wrestles with that self care debate,
(29:35):
like, is it, is it self care?Is it selfish? Like, you know, I
would just say you can show upat all of the roles for a while and
really care for other people.Lead, pretend like you don't have
needs, pretend like you don'thave desires, pretend like you don't
have boundaries and limits.But ultimately, I think for us to
(29:56):
stay in the game, to love Godand to love people, for the long
haul, we're going to have toact like daughters first.
Such a good, good word. And inall of that, I literally wrote down
working for my approvalinstead of working from. It's so
good. I could ask you so manythings. So I'm so glad I get to spend
time with you soon at ourconference. But I do want to ask
(30:19):
you about this latest book youwrote. You have written what, 13
books or something? Is thatwhat it is?
Yeah.
And you just came out withtired of being tired. And I, man,
I, I want to know why youwrote this book. What are you seeing
in us as women and what's yourencouragement to us in this book?
(30:44):
Because just literally readingthe title, I'm like, oh, I need to
read this book right now. Ofcourse you caught me in the middle
of like book deadlines and allthis crazy stuff, grief and all sor
sorts of stuff at one time.But I know there's people listening
and they're so tired. So why'dyou write this book? And yeah, what's
(31:06):
your encouragement?
You know, I always joked I'm,I'm 13 books in and I, I started
joking probably around bookthree or four. Like one day I'm gonna
write a book on rest. And Iwould joke about it because I thought
that to write that book wouldmean that I just lived a very well
rested and peaceful life bythat point. And so I would always
joke, like one day I'm gonnawrite that book. And what I didn't
(31:28):
realize is, you know, what Ishould have realized is almost all
of my books have been writtenfrom a place of victory and authority
after some breaking, afterI've usually hit my lowest of the
pain point. And that was thesame for this book. I had a mental,
spiritual, physical, emotionalbreakdown after about 20 years and
(31:52):
in almost full time ministryin some way, shape or form. And for
me it came a couple of yearsafter the pandemic as a local church
leader, as a, as an author, asa small business owner. And I just,
I just hit A wall. And I, youknow, I still loved God, but I didn't
really like me, and I didn'treally like people. And my body was
(32:15):
just breaking down, justabsolutely breaking down. And honestly,
why I ended up writing thebook is I was headed out to go meet
with my publishers and we weregoing to talk about what book I was
going to write next. And I hadkind of already warned them, like,
you guys, I'm not in greatshape. Like, I'm not. I'm not really
in a great space to. To writea book. And on the way out to meet
(32:37):
them, I. I wrote down thissentence. I wrote down, every woman
I know is tired. And if Jesussays, come to me, all who are weary
and heavy laden, I will giveyou rest. Take my yoke upon me, learn
from me. I was like, I believehim about everything, and I do not
(32:57):
believe him about this. I amhaving a very hard time understanding
what this means, because everywoman I know is tired. And there.
There's got to be some gapbetween our formal belief and our
functional belief. And so thatled me honestly on a period of exploration
where I just tried to figureout what that passage meant. I tried
(33:21):
to figure out what the sourceof fatigue was for me. I tried to
figure out some tangible,realistic, mostly free ways that
women could rest, because Ialso saw rest kind of only build
and marketed as this. This actof leisure that was maybe set aside
for people who had the moneyand the time to experience it. And
(33:43):
so I said, I just thought, ifJesus has said this to me, but he
said it to single moms inKansas and college students and empty
nesters and men and women andchildren alike. We've got to figure
out what this means for us.And so tired of being tired was my
exploration into what thatmight look like.
(34:04):
So needed. So needed. What areyou hearing from women as they're
reading this? Are theydiscovering just how absolutely tired
they are? Like, are theyfalling at the 26 mile, 26.2 mile
line? Are they beingrefreshed? Are they learning new
ways to rest? What are you hearing?
(34:27):
Some of the best things I'veheard, some of the most encouraging
pieces of fruit that I'veheard is number one, I hear from
a lot of women that weretrying to physically rest and trying
to meet their fatigue withphysical rest, when what they needed
was spiritual or mental oremotional rest. I'll say just a lot
of the women I end upministering to are in their late
(34:48):
20s, to their, you know, early50s, and I would say almost every
single One of us in our late20s to early 50s is maybe, maybe
even older, is dealing withsome level of mental fatigue that
is, that is almostinsurmountable at this point. And
so I've been so encouraged tofind that there are a few just simple
(35:10):
tricks, tools that are reallykingdom minded that, that have helped
them make some shifts. Notthat they don't get tired anymore
because this life isexhausting, but maybe they learn
to rest before they get tiredor they learn to actually just rest
their mind in the ways thatare gonna, that are gonna help them
experience recreation. I'veheard a lot of encouraging things,
(35:32):
really, truly, I think a lotof what that the book does and has
done for women and has donefor women as I've been able to travel
and teach, is they've, they'vebeen able to rewrite some lies about
rest from a kingdomperspective, like maybe that they
need to earn their rest. Andinstead we see in Psalm 127, God
gives rest to those he loves.Or we believe that we should work,
(35:53):
work, work, work, work, andthen rest from our work. But actually
in Genesis 2, and God createsthe world, he says there was evening
and then there was morning thefirst day, there was evening and
then there was morning thefirst day, meaning that we actually
rest and then we work fromrest. So we should prior prioritize
even maybe how we go to sleep,more importantly than how we wake
(36:14):
up in the morning. So I'veseen women just kind of reroute some
of those lies andmisunderstandings in their head.
And even, even as simple asseeing the fruit of women stop. I've
seen communities that womenstop kind of humble, bragging about
how tired and overextendedthey are, and start, and start to
(36:35):
realize like that is actuallyreally, that is really dangerous
when we like gently kind oflike pridefully drop like how little
sleep we got or how many dayswe've gone without a day off. And
instead, you know, I'll tellwomen, like, we don't actually want
to brag about not having aSabbath because you can't obey God
by disobeying God and taking aSabbath is what he commands us to
(36:58):
do. So if we want to be womenwho obey God, who follow God, who,
you know, live surrendered tohis plan, we will actually obey him
even in this, in the way thatwe rest instead of doing this thing
that we kind of tend to do inour, in our female Christian communities
where we say like, oh, youknow, I only got four hours sleep
last night. Oh, I only gotthree hours Sleep last night. Oh,
I haven't taken a day off inthis many, you know, days. And instead
(37:20):
realizing, like, hey, if oursister is saying she's tired, let's
say, oh, my gosh, that's notokay. What can we do to help? Can
I watch your baby so you cantake a nap?
What?
Like, how do we need toreorganize, you know, your life so
that you can maybe receivesome of God's good rest for you?
So those are some of thelittle bits of fruit that I've seen
as women have their mindschanged about rest and then maybe
(37:42):
begin to rest in the ways thatthey're most needed in their lives.
I love it so much. I love theidea of this idea you mentioned of
recreation, and I think we allneed it. So I know there's going
to be women who want to spendtime with you at our conference.
We'll tell them how they cando that, but there's going to be
(38:05):
women who just want to checkyou out and get your book or books.
So how can they do that? Jess?
Oh, I would be so honored toconnect with women. I'm Jess A. Connolly
on Instagram @jessconnolly.And then jessconnolly.com is my website,
(38:26):
and my podcast is called theJess Connolly Podcast.
You have a lot of letters,like, two S's, two L's.
It's true.
Yes. The double letter lady.Well, I'm so.
That's what I tell people allthe time. Two N's, two O's, two L's.
I love it. I have two L's, butI don't have two of anything else.
(38:49):
Oh, I guess I have two W's,but they're not together. Anyways,
so good to hang out with you.Can't wait to see you in May and
appreciate your time today.
Oh, thank you for having me.Can't wait to see you guys in May.
We'll see you soon. Hey,friend. I hope you enjoyed that convo
(39:10):
with Jess. If you want otherpodcasts just like this, make sure
to subscribe to this podcast.And also, it's such a simple thing,
but it would mean so much tome if you'd review this podcast because
it makes it more visible toother people to bless and minister
to them. And if you have afriend who needs to hear what Jess
(39:31):
had to say. I know I do. Justshare it. Just send it on right now.
Such an easy thing to do, tobless someone's day. And if you loved
her and you want to check outour conference coming up where she
will be speaking. Make sureyou go to our website at wecolide.net
and we will catch you nextweek. Keep colliding. Go to the one
(39:56):
who promises that he willrestore you when you're tired he
will refresh you, remake you,recreate you he will meet you right
where you're at but he won'tleave you there he'll give you all
you need so that you can liveyour very best life so keep colliding
(40:21):
friend we'll catch you next week.
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