August 22, 2024 • 9 mins
In this episode of The Cycle Breaker podcast, host Sukhi Kaur, a certified feminist life coach, delves into the common misconception that motivation should last throughout the entire process of pursuing a goal. Sukhi shares her personal experiences and insights on why expecting motivation to remain constant can set us up for disappointment. Learn how to redefine your relationship with motivation, understand its natural ebb and flow, and discover the power of pre-deciding your actions to achieve your goals—even when motivation wanes. Tune in to explore how breaking free from unrealistic expectations can help you achieve more in life and business. For more support, visit sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult to schedule a free consultation.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:09):
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
So today I want to talk about a
misconception that comes up a lot in my
(00:52):
coaching sessions and something that I've
been coached on quite a bit as well. And
that's believing that, you know,
motivate feeling motivated
and motivation itself should last
throughout the same,
pretty much the same intensity and
throughout when you first
(01:12):
decide to set a goal.
And while you're doing it, while you're
doing the things that you don't know how
to do and all the stuff that requires you
to reach it, and then also throughout the
end. And I just think that
knowing and
expecting that
motivation as a small shelf life has
(01:35):
been such a relief for me because I know
we don't make, you knowWe don't make a
big deal about, you know, milk that
expires, not a big deal cause we don't
expect it to last forever. But we
do, and I think a lot of my clients do
and myself sometimes make it mean a lot
of things when we don't feel
(01:56):
as motivated or motivated at
all about the intention we set,
about the goal we set. And it's not so
much dependent on whether you do
something or not, like whether you're
doing the actions in the step. But most
of the time, you know, you don't, you
feel unmotivated, then you're probably
not gonna be taking the steps that you
(02:17):
should be taking that day that you had
decided to to take in order to get you a
step closer or whatever it is, right,
your intentional plan. And that's because
sometimes you make. Feeling
unmotivated to make it mean
like our goals are slipping from us
and we'll never get there, that we're
(02:38):
lazy. A lot of things. We don't feel
motivated. It's like something has gone
wrong. But like I said, like milk, we
don't expect it to stay forever, like
stay fresh forever. But somehow
motivation is ingrained in us that we
need it. We need to have it. And even
like, for example, I think now as we
get older, it's
(02:59):
unrealistic to
expect for, you know, everyone to be
happy all the time and just to be chasing
that feeling all the time. And
sometimes, you know, when we don't feel
happy, we do think there's something
wrong, but not as much as I think we
make the lack of motivation mean,
especially as business owners.
(03:21):
Make it mean about ourselves, about our
abilities, about our future, about
forecasting, about what will happen. And
so I just want to share this because I
think we give the lack of motivation a
lot of power. I think we make it mean a
lot of things in and it's on us and we
have a choice to not allow it to have
(03:42):
that much power over us and not make it
mean so much. And the lack of motivation
can just be a normal thing. And I'll give
this example because you know, if you
know me, if you don't know me even from
the podcast, you could just imagine me
trying to run my first 10K. It's
raining and I've done. I did it.
It was like early spring. So it was like
(04:04):
winter time when I first started the
training program and it was during the
winter and I was so excited when
I. Decided to do the
10K and it was gonna end in
like early springtime, still cold.
So and I'm saying this because I don't
like running outside in the cold or
(04:25):
trying to go out in the dark and try to
run or or try to wake up super early and
run when it's freezing cold. But I was
really motivated to do it. It was a
really exciting goal and.
In between, like, you know, those 7:00 AM
wake-ups and to go outside and run with a
group of people, not really something
that I was motivated to do every time.
(04:46):
And I think it would be unrealistic for
me to expect to feel the same motivation
as I did the first time I went to the
group. And even during the race, like,
there's so much excitement, there's so
much energy, there's so many people just
waiting for the race to start. There's
music, there's like all these things or
snacks or whatever. And it's. It's just
(05:06):
so nice to be like, oh, all these people
are rooting for us, right?So you're so
motivated to go, OK, I'm going to finish.
I'm going to finish in this much time.
And then even at the end, it's like you
can just hear the crowd. You could just
see like, you know, the finish line and
it's so cool. Like then you get to, you
know, go out with your friends after and
like you can tell people that, you know,
(05:28):
that you ran this thing. But the miles in
between is something that people don't
really share and.
I remember it was raining
during my first 10K. My shoes were
soaked. I had missed a practice
session where we went to the park where
the race is actually going to be. And I
(05:48):
didn't realize how many hills it would
be. But could I say I felt
just as motivated to finish?Not really.
But I had decide what the what the
difference was that I had decided ahead
of time that I would finish it, and I had
decided ahead of times that I would I
would show up to the race, no matter what
the weather was. But I
(06:08):
knew that I had the option of just
stopping and or I had the option of just,
you know, exiting the park and walking to
my car. Not a big deal. I didn't really
have to go up and down all those hills in
order to get to the finish line. But that
was just something that I had
pre-decided. So I did it anyway. And
that's when this I want to share this
(06:29):
example because this is an example of,
you knowWhen you don't feel
motivated, and a lot of times when you're
unmotivated, you don't want to do this
stuff right. But then there's that option
you have yourself that we
have as humans to be able to break that
model where your emotions don't
need to drive your actions. You can
(06:51):
recognize it and stop that and you can
still remember of like your intentional
thoughts of. OK, this was
pre-decided. I liked my idea then
and kind of sticking to that and doing it
anyway. And I think, you
know, honestly, if we didn't do stuff
just because we didn't feel motivated, we
probably wouldn't do a lot of things.
(07:13):
What are things that, you know, we
consistently feel motivated about
more than a day, more than a week, more
than a month, right?And a lot of goals
take away longer than a couple of weeks
or an hour and 15 minutes, 20 minutes,
however long it took me to that 10K.
Our goals take way longer. So I just want
(07:34):
to share this with you as far as when it
comes to setting expectation of the
shelf life of motivation, expecting it to
last forever, I think that's really
unrealistic. And actually I would
like for you to reflect on in the next
week like. Do you
rely on staying motivated?Do you rely on
(07:55):
that feeling in order to
keep you going?And we all do right to
some extent, but knowing how much you
do, because I think for me more recently
I've I've let go of the expectation to
feel motivated all the time and it's not
as big of a deal anymore. But I
definitely had to get coached on it
because sometimes when I'm coaching. You
(08:17):
know, my clients make it mean like
they're lazy or their their
goals are slipping from them and it
just means they're not gonna get any
result. It's just a whole entire thing
and it gives it a lot of power. So I
think in the next week, try to
understand how much you rely on
motivation, what your expectations from
(08:39):
it are is is your expectation.
For it to stick around all the time,
you know, do you make it mean your goal
is not good enough that you don't feel
motivated?Like, what kind of power are
you giving it?How much do you rely on it
and what are you expecting from it?And
having listened to this episode, like,
you know, how do you want to change that
(09:01):
relationship with motivation?What would
you want to do if you could, right?And
then that's really how we start creating
our self-awareness and start changing
our relationship with certain
expectations we have, and even if it's an
expectation from emotions.
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
(09:24):
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
and we can talk about your cycles and how
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
(09:44):
more much needed generational cycles.
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
So today I want to talk about a
misconception that comes up a lot in my
(00:52):
coaching sessions and something that I've
been coached on quite a bit as well. And
that's believing that, you know,
motivate feeling motivated
and motivation itself should last
throughout the same,
pretty much the same intensity and
throughout when you first
(01:12):
decide to set a goal.
And while you're doing it, while you're
doing the things that you don't know how
to do and all the stuff that requires you
to reach it, and then also throughout the
end. And I just think that
knowing and
expecting that
motivation as a small shelf life has
(01:35):
been such a relief for me because I know
we don't make, you knowWe don't make a
big deal about, you know, milk that
expires, not a big deal cause we don't
expect it to last forever. But we
do, and I think a lot of my clients do
and myself sometimes make it mean a lot
of things when we don't feel
(01:56):
as motivated or motivated at
all about the intention we set,
about the goal we set. And it's not so
much dependent on whether you do
something or not, like whether you're
doing the actions in the step. But most
of the time, you know, you don't, you
feel unmotivated, then you're probably
not gonna be taking the steps that you
(02:17):
should be taking that day that you had
decided to to take in order to get you a
step closer or whatever it is, right,
your intentional plan. And that's because
sometimes you make. Feeling
unmotivated to make it mean
like our goals are slipping from us
and we'll never get there, that we're
(02:38):
lazy. A lot of things. We don't feel
motivated. It's like something has gone
wrong. But like I said, like milk, we
don't expect it to stay forever, like
stay fresh forever. But somehow
motivation is ingrained in us that we
need it. We need to have it. And even
like, for example, I think now as we
get older, it's
(02:59):
unrealistic to
expect for, you know, everyone to be
happy all the time and just to be chasing
that feeling all the time. And
sometimes, you know, when we don't feel
happy, we do think there's something
wrong, but not as much as I think we
make the lack of motivation mean,
especially as business owners.
(03:21):
Make it mean about ourselves, about our
abilities, about our future, about
forecasting, about what will happen. And
so I just want to share this because I
think we give the lack of motivation a
lot of power. I think we make it mean a
lot of things in and it's on us and we
have a choice to not allow it to have
(03:42):
that much power over us and not make it
mean so much. And the lack of motivation
can just be a normal thing. And I'll give
this example because you know, if you
know me, if you don't know me even from
the podcast, you could just imagine me
trying to run my first 10K. It's
raining and I've done. I did it.
It was like early spring. So it was like
(04:04):
winter time when I first started the
training program and it was during the
winter and I was so excited when
I. Decided to do the
10K and it was gonna end in
like early springtime, still cold.
So and I'm saying this because I don't
like running outside in the cold or
(04:25):
trying to go out in the dark and try to
run or or try to wake up super early and
run when it's freezing cold. But I was
really motivated to do it. It was a
really exciting goal and.
In between, like, you know, those 7:00 AM
wake-ups and to go outside and run with a
group of people, not really something
that I was motivated to do every time.
(04:46):
And I think it would be unrealistic for
me to expect to feel the same motivation
as I did the first time I went to the
group. And even during the race, like,
there's so much excitement, there's so
much energy, there's so many people just
waiting for the race to start. There's
music, there's like all these things or
snacks or whatever. And it's. It's just
(05:06):
so nice to be like, oh, all these people
are rooting for us, right?So you're so
motivated to go, OK, I'm going to finish.
I'm going to finish in this much time.
And then even at the end, it's like you
can just hear the crowd. You could just
see like, you know, the finish line and
it's so cool. Like then you get to, you
know, go out with your friends after and
like you can tell people that, you know,
(05:28):
that you ran this thing. But the miles in
between is something that people don't
really share and.
I remember it was raining
during my first 10K. My shoes were
soaked. I had missed a practice
session where we went to the park where
the race is actually going to be. And I
(05:48):
didn't realize how many hills it would
be. But could I say I felt
just as motivated to finish?Not really.
But I had decide what the what the
difference was that I had decided ahead
of time that I would finish it, and I had
decided ahead of times that I would I
would show up to the race, no matter what
the weather was. But I
(06:08):
knew that I had the option of just
stopping and or I had the option of just,
you know, exiting the park and walking to
my car. Not a big deal. I didn't really
have to go up and down all those hills in
order to get to the finish line. But that
was just something that I had
pre-decided. So I did it anyway. And
that's when this I want to share this
(06:29):
example because this is an example of,
you knowWhen you don't feel
motivated, and a lot of times when you're
unmotivated, you don't want to do this
stuff right. But then there's that option
you have yourself that we
have as humans to be able to break that
model where your emotions don't
need to drive your actions. You can
(06:51):
recognize it and stop that and you can
still remember of like your intentional
thoughts of. OK, this was
pre-decided. I liked my idea then
and kind of sticking to that and doing it
anyway. And I think, you
know, honestly, if we didn't do stuff
just because we didn't feel motivated, we
probably wouldn't do a lot of things.
(07:13):
What are things that, you know, we
consistently feel motivated about
more than a day, more than a week, more
than a month, right?And a lot of goals
take away longer than a couple of weeks
or an hour and 15 minutes, 20 minutes,
however long it took me to that 10K.
Our goals take way longer. So I just want
(07:34):
to share this with you as far as when it
comes to setting expectation of the
shelf life of motivation, expecting it to
last forever, I think that's really
unrealistic. And actually I would
like for you to reflect on in the next
week like. Do you
rely on staying motivated?Do you rely on
(07:55):
that feeling in order to
keep you going?And we all do right to
some extent, but knowing how much you
do, because I think for me more recently
I've I've let go of the expectation to
feel motivated all the time and it's not
as big of a deal anymore. But I
definitely had to get coached on it
because sometimes when I'm coaching. You
(08:17):
know, my clients make it mean like
they're lazy or their their
goals are slipping from them and it
just means they're not gonna get any
result. It's just a whole entire thing
and it gives it a lot of power. So I
think in the next week, try to
understand how much you rely on
motivation, what your expectations from
(08:39):
it are is is your expectation.
For it to stick around all the time,
you know, do you make it mean your goal
is not good enough that you don't feel
motivated?Like, what kind of power are
you giving it?How much do you rely on it
and what are you expecting from it?And
having listened to this episode, like,
you know, how do you want to change that
(09:01):
relationship with motivation?What would
you want to do if you could, right?And
then that's really how we start creating
our self-awareness and start changing
our relationship with certain
expectations we have, and even if it's an
expectation from emotions.
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
(09:24):
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
and we can talk about your cycles and how
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
(09:44):
more much needed generational cycles.
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